Becoming free
by weedom
Summary: Lara was kidnapped has a child and forced to be possessed by demons her entire life until Dean and Sam save her from her prison. Now that she is out can heaven and hell let her be? Dean/OFC
1. Chapter 1

"My name is Lara, not six. My name is Lara, not six. My name is Lara, not six. My name is Lara, not six." I chanted over and over to myself as I adjusted back into my 9ft by 5 ft cell after my 550th possession. My cell looks no different than when I left. My sleeping bag is in the top left hand corner a few books were piled up in the left and my few ratty pieces of clothes were neatly folded next to my sleeping bag but I was different. Most people can't survive more than 50 possessions with their minds intact but I have survived 550.

I was raised in this hell. I don't remember my life before waking up in this cell when I was around 4 years old. I don't actually know how old I am. I think I'm 20 or maybe 22 but I don't know. They keep us, all 12 of us, in this basement locked in numbered cells. They all call me six, the demons, the strange, the horrid things that keep us prisoner. I somehow know that my name was Lara but I don't know how I remember it. I don't remember anything else from life before this place some days I wonder if I even had a life before this. Did I ever have parents? Did I have a home? Did I have a safe nursery that my mother would sing me to sleep in? Even if I did it doesn't matter because I am here now and have always and probably always will be here.

Five, Seven, Eight, and Ten are all out on a "mission." That is what the demons call them. We are held here like a store for demons to pick bodies from to take out into the world. The only time I am in the world is when a demon possessing my body. Otherwise I am locked in my cell. Twice a day they bring us food and four times a day we are allowed to use the restroom. Once a day for one hour some of us are allowed to exercise. The demons say I have to stay fit and pretty so they can use me so I am forced to train relentlessly to keep my figure.

The others that are left with me are vegetables now minus nine. She is starting to lose her mind though. I can hear her mumbling incoherently to herself at night. One, Two, Three, and Four just sit in their cells. They don't talk and they don't move. If the demons want them to eat they possess them and force their bodies to eat. I've been here the longest. After the bodies turn to vegetables it is only a matter of time before the head hunters bring in another person to fill their cell. Over the past 15 years that I have been here there has been over a 100 people to go through here.

The demons warned me that if I killed myself I would go to hell and there they would torture me for all of eternity so I bear this life in silence, only allowing myself to complain to myself in my mind. When the demons possess me they can read some of my thoughts and they mock me for thinking I will be rescued but I can read their thoughts and they worry that a hunter may someday find out about these body farms they keep. I pray every time a demon takes my body out that a hunter will shot my body fatally and they won't be able to bring my back. Death would be a welcomed solace after the life I have lived. Unfortunately I have only have been shot and stabbed in places that are healable.

My body has been unwillingly used in every evil way it could be. Demons would use me as a child and teenager to kill people because no one ever suspects an innocent looking little girl. The first time my body murdered someone I was here only a year. The demon controlling me was very old and very powerful and she killed an entire elementary school. I didn't sleep for weeks after that. The screaming and the face of each child my hands killed haunted me. But crossroad demons like my body the most. When I was a little child they would trick pedophiles into selling their souls to sleep with a child. The demon stayed in my body the whole time but I could still see and feel what was happening. When I was older they stopped using me for that and I thought I it would get better. After I grew out of the awkward teenager phase as they called it the crossroad demons would take my body into strip clubs. When men would joke that they would sell their soul to sleep with me the demon would take them up on the offer without the man even knowing what was happening. The demons would mock me while the sleazy men would do whatever they wanted to my body for one night for their souls. I always came back feeling sick and dirty from missions like that, like the one I just came from.

I am so tired but I am afraid to sleep. The nightmares are so strong and when are asleep it is when the demons have the easiest time taking over your body. But I need sleep so I lay down to go to sleep and I hear pounding above my cell. Doors are being slammed and the demons were rushing around. One, Two, Three, Four, and Nine are quickly possessed and their bodies ran up the stairs. Could this be my chance? Could I be rescued? I am not going to allow those bastards to keep me from that. I looked around my cell and found a fork left over from my meal yesterday. I carve a cross into my forearm hoping it would keep the any demon out of my body who wanted to use me in what was happening upstairs.

The gun shots starting and I can hear the chaos upstairs. Between the gunshots I can hear people falling like bags on the floor above me. There are screams, blasts, and pounding happening above me like a war. If the demons win and see what I did to my arms they might kill me but I don't care at this point. When the noise starts to die down I am taken over with fear. I calculate the risk and decide it is worth it. "HELP ME! I AM DOWN HERE! PLEASE HELP ME!"

I hear the door creek open and I shout louder. "PLEASE SAVE ME! I AM IN CELL SIX!" I shove my hand out of the cell and wiggle my fingers hoping whoever is there sees them. "Sam get down here. There are people alive down here." I hear the man shout back up the stairs. I can hear him running towards me and he grabs my hand. "It's going to be ok miss we're going to get you out of here."

The man in front of me doesn't appear to be a demon but how can I know. "Are you a good guy?" I ask meekly. He seems kind. His eyes looks a little haunted but smiles at me and lets out a light chuckle. "Yes were the good guys. I am going to let go and get you out of here ok?"

I shake my head and point towards the stairs. "They keep the keys locked up over there. There is no one else down here. The other people are possessed and out on missions. I am the only one still here." The man turns around and quickly finds the keys and runs back to let me out. He slides the key in and I hear the click of freedom as he turns the key and opens the door. I run to him and grab him the strongest hug I could muster. "Thank you. You don't know how long I have wanted out of this cage." He smelled good. He didn't smell like a demon. Demons smell like rotting flesh he smells like well human.

He puts his arms around me "It's going to be ok we are going to get you out of this house." I pull away as a hear sounds on the steps behind my rescuer. It takes the other man a minute to come down the stairs and when I can finally see his face I am struck my fear.

I slowly start to back away from the man I was hugging and run into the bars of my cell. I look at my rescuer and I don't trust him anymore. "You told me you were one of the good guys. You lied." My rescuer looked confusingly back at the other man and back at me. "That man is a bad. His name is Sam. He scares me. Please don't hurt me. I will tell you whatever you want but please just kill me quickly when you are done." I flinched waiting for the blow to come to my face.

Sam walked over to me cautiously and stopped next to my rescuer. He stopped for a minute and studied my face. "Ruby?" He asked confused.

"My name is not Ruby it is Lara. She was just using my body." I barked at him. As the realization hit him that Ruby was no longer in me he started to look sick. "I am not those creatures that take over my body. I am Lara, not six, and not Ruby. If you are going to kill me at least allow the dignity of dying as Lara."

My rescuer through his arms up and pushed Sam back a bit. "Lara no one is going to hurt you. I don't know how you know my brother here but we are here to help you. My name is Dean and I am going to get you out of here now ok." I can't look at him while he's speaking to me. I keep looking at Sam waiting for him to snap and attack me again. Dean gently grabs my arm and brings my attention back to him. "Look at my Lara. Yea that's right look me in the eyes." I look into his jade green eyes and I start to relax. There is no malice or evil in them. "We are not going to hurt you. Come with me and we will sort all of this out once we have left this place." I break away and look at Sam who was frowning behind Dean pacing back and forward and I grab Dean's hand. "Ok." I say and I follow them out of the basement.

I can see the bodies strewn all over the house but I don't care. Those demons had kept me captive my whole life and I didn't care what happened to them. One, Two, Three, Four, and Nine were dead on the floor but I felt relieved for them. Their minds had gone and only in death would they be whole again.

Dean lead me out of the front door and I stopped right over the threshold and took a deep breath of the evening air and was afraid to move. Dean stopped and looked back at me. "What's wrong?"

I lower my eyes and I could feel myself blushing. "I have never been outside before with a demon possessing me. I've spent my whole life in that cell only leaving with a demon taking me for a stroll. I just want to enjoy the moment." He gently pulled my hand leading me out the door and down the steps. I looked up and a saw the moon for the first time with my own eyes. It was beautiful.

He guide me to a black car and him and Same started to load their weapons in to the trunk while I waiting their nervously. Dean slammed the trunk and looked at his brother. "Get in the car Sam. I want to talk to her for a minute." Sam reluctantly went to the passenger side and go in slamming the door behind him. I couldn't help but flinch. Dean grabbed my hand again and lead me away from the car. "I don't know what happened with you and my brother in the past but I promise that he will not hurt you. We need to get out of here quickly and we will figure out what we are going to do when we can stop and rest at a motel down the road a bit. Is that ok with you?"

I was shocked. No one had ever asked me if it was ok with me. No one ever asked me anything they just tell me. "Ok we can talk about it later. If he tries to touch me I will defend myself." I said with a bite at the end of it. Dean laughed and took my back to the car and opened the back door behind the driver's side.

As I slide into the car Sam looked back and tried to give me a weak smile. Seeing him after everything that had happened years ago gave me the shivers up my spine and I wanted to hide in the seat. I sat as close to the door as possible and held my breath until Dean sat down in the front seat. When he finally took his seat and latched my left hand on his bicep from the backseat. He looked back at me from the rear view mirror. "It's ok Lara you can relax. Nothing is going to happen."

I relax my grip but keep my hand there until I am secure that Sam is not going to try to drain me of blood or hurt me again. He looks different that the last time I meet him. He looks more like the man I meet the first time. Ruby asked my keepers for a young girl who looked sweet and innocent and they picked me. When I first saw him I thought he looked kind. He was so terribly sad that I thought he would break with the slightly nudge. But he changed quickly. That monster I had last seen doesn't seem to be sitting in the seat in front of me but I can't be sure. I of all people know that monsters can hide.

I don't know how long we have been driving. Dean started playing music and we drove in silence expect for the loud music pounding my ears. I kept my eyes on Sam and every time he moved I would flinch and tighten my grip on Dean's arm. He would move his right hand up and touch my hand reassuringly every time but I couldn't help but be afraid.

As the sun started to come up I noticed we were pulling off the road into a motel, or so that sign said. When he pulled in front of the office he turned off the car and looked at Sam. "Go get two rooms next to each other Sam."

Sam looked at his brother in shock. "Since when do we get two rooms?" Dean gave him a cold stare. "Since there's a girl scared of you in the back seat. We'll sort this out later but right now I want to rest." Sam got up and slammed the door behind him and went into the office.

Dean watched his brother until he came back outside and got in the car giving Dean two room keys. Dean turned the car back on and drove it to the end of the motel and go out getting some bags from the trunk. I followed him not sure where to go. When we climbed the stairs to the second floor Dean threw Sam a set of keys and stopped at the door in front of his. He opened the door and lead me through the door. "Sam I'll be over in a few minutes."

I walked into the room and was relaxed to see that I could recognize this kind of setting by my many missions. The set up was universally the same. Two beds, a tv, a rickety table, some chairs, and a bathroom. Dean dropped his duffel and the bed closest to the door and I timidly walked to the chair and sat down. Dean started to dig threw bag and starting putting stuff on the bed. He handed me a grey t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants and bag. "Why don't you clean up and I am going to go talk to Sam." I look down at myself and notice for the first time how dirty I must look. My shirt and pants are ripped up and stained with blood amongst other things. I threw my hand out and grabbed his. "Please don't leave me here alone. They will find me."

He got down on his knees in front of me. "No one is getting in here. I will set up some demon traps and lay salt down before I go." I got up shakily and headed the bathroom. I opened the bag he gave me and found it stocked with shampoo, deodorant, and a razor. I grab one of the soaps from the sink and turn the water. I discard my clothes and throw them in the trash next to the toilet. They were ruined and I refused to put them back on ever again. I heard Dean finishing the precautions he promised me he would set and I get into the shower allowing the hot water to scold my skin.


	2. Chapter 2

"What the fuck is going on?" I thought to myself as I left my room towards my brothers. I have never seen someone scared of Sam before and that girl is petrified of him. I knocked on Sam's door and he flung it open before I knocked twice. Sam was pacing his room and he looked nervous. "Sam what is going on?" I asked him point blank.

Sam stopped pacing and pulled out a bottle of whisky and took a long gulp. "For the first month or so Ruby would come to be in that girl's body. It's been nearly 3 years since I have seen her and I didn't recognize her at first. I don't fully remember what I did to her Dean. Once I started drinking demon blood it was like I was drunk when I first ingested and Ruby kept pushing me to drink more. One day she came with another body and I never even thought to ask about the other body. I never thought about anyone but Ruby being in there. But that girl was alive in their Dean." Sam looked at me and I could tell he was going to be sick and grabbed the trash can and gave it to him and he threw up in it. "I drank her blood and I had sex with her Dean. Only she wasn't Ruby and she wasn't willing. I raped that girl." Sam grabbed the bottle of whiskey and started to chug it again.

I didn't know what to say. I plopped down next to him took the bottle and took a healthy swig myself. "You didn't know Sam. "

Sam lowered his head and shook it vigorously. "That's bullshit Dean and you know it. I knew someone was in there. But I was so mad at the world at that time that I didn't care. I feel horrible. After finding out about the horrible things I did without my soul I almost forgot about the horrible things I did with my soul."

I stood up and looked down at him. My little brother had taken a turn for the worst somewhere along the way and it all came down to me. I had left him alone. I agreed to die and go to hell in exchange for him to come back and I created this monster. "We are going to go talk to this girl and we are going to work this out."

Sam started to try to stay no but I stopped him. "Give me a minute to talk to her and then come over. We are going to work this out and then we are all going to get some much needed sleep." I got up and left my brother the bottle of whiskey and went back to my room.

When I opened the door I saw Lara sitting on the edge of her bed with her back rigid. My shirt and sweat pants looked preposterously large on her but she looked better all cleaned up and out of those clothes. When I first saw her she looked filthy and her clothes were nothing but tatters on her body. No w I can really see her. She was very beautiful. She had dark brown hair that now that it was clean it framed her heart shaped face in waves. Her eyes were dark blue and reminded me of the ocean but they were so haunted and she reminded me of a caged animal you saw at the pound who had been abused for years. She was short only about 5'4" and she couldn't weigh anything. "Sam is going to come over." I said and she tensed up, "And we are going to talk about what was happening in that house and what we are going to do. Before he comes over why are you so afraid of him."

Lara wrapped her arms around herself tightly and for the first time I noticed the fresh cuts on her forearms that resembled crosses. "What happened to your arms?" I asked while I got my medical kit out of my bag and started to get rubbing alcohol and some bandages.

"While you guys were killing the demons I was afraid one of them would possess me and I didn't want to miss my chance to be freed so I did the only thing I could think of to keep them from getting into my body." She said to my quietly while she allowed me to examine the cuts. They weren't deep but they needed to be cleaned and bandaged to keep them from getting infected. While I was cleaning them out she didn't even flinch when I poured on the rubbing alcohol. By the time I was wrapping the bandages around her arms she started to speak again. "Ruby came to the house and requested a body to seduce Sam with. They gave her mine. When I first saw Sam I heard Ruby's thoughts that he was a hunter. I thought maybe he would see me in my body somehow and save me. He looked so sad. He told Ruby about how you went to hell and how it was his fault and he was miserable."

Lara nervously looked at the door worried Sam would come in. "At first it wasn't that bad. I was used to my body being used. Sam was kind at first. He seemed to like Ruby and was always gentle with her until the blood started. When he would fall asleep after they had sex she would prick my finger and drip blood into his mouth. After two weeks of that he was poisoned enough to agree to start drinking her blood. He went from kind to a monster."

She lifted up the sleeve of her shirt to expose a gnarled scar on the inside of the bend of her elbow and pulled the collar of the shirt down to expose a matching scar on her collarbone. "Once he got the taste for blood he couldn't' stop. He almost killed me twice." I couldn't help but let out a gasp and reached my fingers out to trace the scars. The scars my little brother had put on this girl.

She let out a deep sigh when I touched the scars and continued. "After another two weeks of the most violent sex ever experienced on my body Ruby had to give me back. I didn't realize it at the time, but she did, but I was pregnant." I was in shock. She looked up at me with her big blue eyes and I could see them swelling with tears. "Ruby and the demons were very excited about this. They thought they would use it the child to bring him more into their fold and they thought Lucifer could use it to his advantage when he was let out of his cage."

I couldn't support my own weight anymore and collapsed on my bed putting my head in my hands. "It wasn't that bad being pregnant. For the first time the demons were kind of nice to me. They wanted the child to be born and they allowed me to eat more and they even gave me a mattress. At first I didn't want the child but when it first kicked in me I realized I would do anything to keep this child safe. When I was about 8 months along a demon broke into the house and when they found me stabbed my stomach and they killed my child. I was heartbroken. I found out later that the demon was working for another demon who didn't want Sam's child to be born. The demons made me carry the child to term and deliver it naturally. The captured a nurse to deliver my baby and after being in labor for 36 hours she let me hold my dead baby boy. Then they took him away and I don't know what they did with the body. The nurse was number four who was possessed when you guys killed the demons."

Lara sat there quietly looking at her hands while I absorbed what she had told me. It didn't seem possible that any of that happened. As if on cue she lifted the hem of my shirt slightly and I could see the stabbing wound scar on her belly. It was almost too much for me. _Stop it Dean you are the strong one. You don't get emotional_. I yelled at myself. "Lara I am very sorry that well that happened to you. I can promise you that Sam is different now though. He is a good guy but he's had some dark times. He won't hurt you and I know if you tell him what you just told me he will spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to you." At that moment I heard a knock on the door and Lara slightly winced in fear. "Come in."

Sam slunk into the room and took a seat at the chair right next to the door. I coughed and took a seat back down on the bed. Now wasn't the time to bring up everything she had just told me. "Lara do you have family we can take you too."

Lara gave me a sad frown and dragged her hands through her dark hair. 'If I do I don't know about them. I have been in that cell since I can remember. I don't know where I am from and I don't know who my family is."

I could tell Sam wanted to ask a question but was scared too. So I looked at him to egg him on to speak. He wouldn't look at her but nervously began to ask his questions. "Do you remember anything? A town? A name? a birthdate? Anything?

Lara looked at me in fear from hearing Sam's voice. "No I don't remember anything. I don't know how old I am where I am from or who I am. The only thing I remember is that my name is Lara. I have nowhere to go. I've been in that cell since I was around 4 years old I think. I have never been outside of that house without a demon in me."

Sam looked like he was gathering her thoughts so I started to ask more questions. "What was that house and what were you doing there?"

"They kept up to 12 humans in there at a time. Demons could come and pick bodies out to wear into the world for their missions. Most people only survive at best 50 possessions before their mind goes. I've been possessed 550 times." I couldn't' believe my ears and my jaw dropped. "The third Seven taught me to read and write and basic math but beyond that I can't do much."

I looked back at Sam who was just as a shocked as me and back at Lara who was sitting their quietly almost like a statue. "Ok let's get some rest. We will head to Bobby's tomorrow and figure out what to do with you when we get there." Sam got up and went out of the room to his room. I started to take off my jacket and flannel shirt and kick of my shoes when I noticed that Lara was pulling a blanket and pillow to the floor. "What are you doing?"

Lara looked at me with her big blue eyes that seemed to say what she was doing was obvious. "I'm going to bed."

I leaned down and started to pick her pillow and blanket back up and put it on the bed. "Why are you sleeping on the floor?" She laughed softly. "I've always slept on the floor."

I helped her up off the floor. "You don't have to anymore. Get into the bed and go to sleep." She crawled into the bed like a feral dog would take food from a stranger's hand, slowly.

I finished taking off my clothes and I got in the covers and after about an hour I still wasn't asleep and saw that she was still awake in her bed. "What's wrong Lara?"

She rolled over slightly and I could tell she had been crying quietly. "I'm scared to sleep. When you sleep they can get into your body easier. What if they realize I got out and where I am and come to take me back?" I got up and dug through my bag pulling at a rosary we had used on a hunt a few weeks back and handed it to her. She looked at it cautiously and looked at my perplexed.

"It's blessed. Hold on to that and we'll get you a tattoo soon to ward of possession." I lowered and I pointed at the tattoo on my upper chest. "I will stay awake and make sure on one gets in here. You just go to sleep ok." I got back into bed and looked out the window to see the sun fully up. I could hear her relax and fall asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Lara's POV

_I look down at my hands and I am gripping onto a knife. My hands are covered in blood but I am happy. I am filled with the giddy enjoyment that a child gets when they ride a carousel but I'm not a child and I'm not riding a carousel. My body looks up at the metal table in front of me to see a couple tethered down. The woman had expired a while ago but the man was still alive. My hands have skillfully skinned his legs and arms but I know that I'm no where near done. I can make this last for weeks longer if I am careful._

_ I try to wrestle the dark power in me for control. If I can just get control for a minute I can stab myself and the demon will not be able to use me to hurt this person. The power hears my thoughts and fights back with a searing pain and I can't help but scream out in pain._

"Lara wake up!" _Did I hear that? Is there still another soul in this body? _"Lara please wake up!" _Is someone shaking me?_

I react without thinking and throw my fist at whatever is hovering over me but it catches my fist before it makes contact. "Lara it's ok. It's me Dean. Do you remember where you are?" I slowly start to slow my breathing and see the sun coming in from the curtains. I look around and I recognize the room and I slowly recognize the man hovering over me. It was Dean and, he had rescued me and I was safe. I let out a deep breath and start to relax.

Dean starts to sit down on my bed and nudges me over. "I know about nightmares. I suffer from them too. Just relax and go back to sleep."

I try to relax but I can't get the image out of my mind. I try to close my eyes but all I can see were that man's eyes pleading with me to stop. "How long was I asleep?"

Dean let out a sigh and pulled the covers back over me. "Only about 5 hours." Five hours? How is that possible? I haven't slept that long in years. "Are you sure?"

Dean looked down at my worried. "We didn't go to bed until about 6am and its 11:30 now. We have to be getting up soon and heading out."

` I allow myself a small smile. Five hours, I survived five hours being asleep and nothing happened to me. "Ok I can get up and we can leave whenever you're ready."

"Do you know what size clothes you wear? I already got Sam up and I sent him to get you some clothes until we can get back to Bobby's but I wasn't sure what size you wore so I told him I'd call him." Dean asked me as he started to stand up and gather his own clothes.

I tried to think about what I wore but I wasn't sure. It has only ever been tatters of fabric to me. Nothing ever quite fit right unless a demon was wearing me so what did I care what size they were. "Honestly I don't have clue what I wear. Just get him to pick me up something and I'm sure it will be fine."

Dean shook his head and pulled out his phone to send a message to his brother. He grabbed his clothes and went to the bathroom and I heard the shower turn on. I waited not sure what he wanted me to do. I have spent most of my life waiting in a cell and I could still for hours without needing anything. As the water was turning off I heard a knock on the door and jumped slightly. "Lara that is probably Sam with your clothes. Check the pep hole and let him in."

I followed orders and went to the door and saw Sam on the other side. I didn't want to open the door but Dean had promised that Sam wouldn't hurt me. I slowly opened the door and when Sam saw me on the other side he dropped his eyes and pushed a bag out in front of him. "I asked the lady at Wal-Mart to help me. I told her my sister was visiting and they lost her luggage and told her to pick me out a few things to last you. I have breakfast next door whenever you are ready." Once I grabbed the bag he turned around and left and I shut the door behind him.

"Was that Sam?" I walked away from the door as Dean was coming out of the bathroom and put the bags down on the bed. I pulled out a pair of black yoga pants, with a matching zipper up sweat shirt, and a pink t-shirt. I found a pair of black sneakers at the bottom of the bag and started to line them up on the bed. "I am going to make sure Sam is ready why don't you change and we'll be ready to go in a few minutes."

I got dressed quickly and folded up the clothes Dean had leant me and put them back in the blue bag Sam had given me. I looked around the room and felt a knot churning in my stomach as I left the room and walked next door. Sam's door was wide open and he and Dean were eating at the table. I quietly entered the room and Sam pointed towards the food on the dresser. "I wasn't sure what you'd want so I got milk and coffee and a random selection of donuts."

I looked at the food skeptically and sniffed the dark hot liquid. I scrunched my noise at it and settled on the cold white liquid. I put my hand in the bag and pulled out the first so called donut. I saw Dean was eating them and drinking from his own cup so I assumed the food was safe to eat. I took a bite and I can't believe what my mouth tastes. It's moist and sweet and tastes amazing. Before I realize it I let out a slight moan and I try to stifle it quickly but Dean is already looking at me with his eyebrow raised. "What did you say this is?"

Dean looks at me with a shocked expression and Sam quietly responds to me. "It's a donut. If you don't like we can get you something else on the road."

I shake my head no and continue to put the donut in my mouth. "This is the most incredible thing I have ever tasted." Dean gives me a wide grin and grabs another donut from the bag. Sam looks at me with a slight frown on his face. "You've never had one before?"

"When the demons possess me they don't tend to eat much. They mostly drink. The meals in my cell weren't that great. They were enough to keep us alive but that is about it." Both men try not to express their shock but by now I was good at reading people and could tell they still didn't fully comprehend everything I had gone through. "So are you we leaving now or what?"

Sam and Dean stood up and started to collect their things. Sam gave me wide berth and I am grateful. He may not have attacked me yet and Dean said he was different but I am not ready to start trusting him yet. Dean nodded at me to follow him out the door and we loaded ourselves back up in the black car.

I resumed my seat behind Dean and enjoyed the taste of freedom. This car would always remind me of freedom. It was the first place I ever sat in free of demons. I clutched the rosary Dean gave me tighter when Sam entered the car but I tried not to react to him.

Dean turned the car and immediately started to play his loud music again. I don't really mind it. I don't recognize it but I was getting used to it. Sam started to cringe and looked at his brother with a disgusted look. "Seriously Dean do we have to listen to this first thing I the morning. I have a killer headache and I don't want to listen to the same crap over and over again."

I could see Dean smirk in the rearview mirror and give his brother's shoulder a slap followed by a tight squeeze. 'Sammy it's my car, my rules, so you can shut your pie hole and put in your iPod and listen to whatever girly music you normally listen to but my baby, Lara, and me are going to enjoy some ACDC." I caught his eye in the rear view mirror and he gave me a wink.

Soon after Sam put something in his ears and seemed to fall back asleep in the front seat. We drove in silence for hours and I enjoyed seeing the landscape change by my window. Everything seems so new and fresh. I had seen it all before but it was through someone else eyes. Now I can choose what I want to see. I looked forward to see Dean humming along with his music while he was tapping his hands along to the beat on the steering wheel. I feel safe. Dean looked up at the mirror and saw me staring at him and he reached over and lowered the volume to the music. "You ok back there Lara?"

I shake my head yes. "I am fine just enjoying the scenery." Sam stirs for a moment and I grab my rosary tighter. When he stops moving I feel safe enough to release my grip.

"Lara, he is not going to hurt you. He is different now. Why don't you try to take a nap. We'll be there soon." I meet his eyes one last time and let my head fall back and I fall asleep.

I wake up as the car stops and notice that the sun has gone down. I hear a car door slam and I sit up frantically. My grip on the rosary is so tight that my hand hurts and I notice that Sam was out of the car and my car door was open. I look up and Dean is there beckoning me to follow him. I slowly get out of the car slightly disoriented and slightly unwilling to leave the safety of the vehicle.

I hear the creek of the front door and see and elderly man step on to the porch. "So you guys brought me a stray?" He shoved a flask at me and motioned for me to drink. I took a quick sip and I felt the liquid go down I felt a slight burn in my throat then comforting warmth fill my body.

The man noticed my subtle wince at the liquid and I can sense him tense up. I finish the flask and give it back to him. "Can I have more please?" I had never felt such a peace in my body as when I was drinking that water.

The man looked at Dean with a bewildered look. "Did she just ask me for more holy water? Who is this girl?" Dean ran up the stairs and gave them man a one armed hug. "Her name is Lara. She's been through a lot and we weren't sure where else to take her. "

The man shrugged his shoulders and went back into the house with Sam trailing closely behind him. Dean waiting for me on the porch and we entered the house. The man gave me a bottle of water and I started to chug it. It gave me the same initial burning feeling but then it radiated warmth and peace throughout my body. After a good long swig I pulled the bottle from my lips and let out a contented sigh. Dean guided me to a living a room and sat me down on a couch. "Lara this is Bobby. He is a close friend of ours and we are going to stay here for awhile until we know what to do next."

"Why does this water taste do good?" I asked Dean as a took a seat. "It's holy water. After everything you've been through it probably feels like a relief to your body to have something good in it."

As I relax into the couch I hear a flutter of wings and feel a cool breeze go across my face. I jump to my feet ready for an attack. Out of nowhere a man is a trench coat is standing in front of me. Only it isn't a man. I can see an outline of wings behind him and he is incased in a faint outline of light. I am over come with peace and I fall to my knees in front of him. "Please don't knell Lara stand up." His voice sounds like a warm breeze and I look up at him and slowly stand. I can't help myself and almost in trance I walk to him and put my arms around him. He feels so good and full of love. It is the complete opposite of my captures. He stands rigid for a moment then I feel him relax and put his arms around me and pat my back. "It is ok now Lara. I know what you have been through."

I slowly pull back and go back to the couch but I can't keep my eyes off of him. I hear movement next to me and finally hear Dean trying to get my attention. I look at him and focuses back on the being in front of us. "What's going on Cas?"

Cas circles the room and stops near the window and peaks out quickly and looks back at us. "You need to keep her safe. I need you and Sam to keep demons and angels away from her. She is very special. She is a very powerful vessel. She can withstand any possession and angels and demons alike will fight to possess her because her body won't fail around them like Lucifer's first vessel did. With the war ensuing in heaven and the power struggle in hell it is very important that no one get's their hands on her. I need to brand her with the same symbols you boys have so the angels can't find her. You need to give her the marks to keep demons out of her."

Without me seeing him move he was in front of me and he had his hands on my shoulders. The pain in my chest was searing and I couldn't breathe but I didn't flinch. Pain was nothing to me anymore. I knew better than to fight it or question it.

Dean started to stir next to me and he pushed the being's hands off of me. "A little warning Cas." Dean looked over at me and visually checked me over making sure I wasn't hurt. "Lara, Cas is a friend of ours. He is an Angel and he was concealing you from the view of other angels that could use your body for evil."

I tilt my head and try to comprehend what Dean had told me. I look back at Cas. "Why would an angel use my body for anything but good reasons?" Cas seemed to frown but it was hard to tell from the light radiating off of him. "Not all angels are holy Lara. There is war in heaven over who will rule now that Michael is trapped with Lucifer, and you are very special. Any being can possess your body and walk around earth without any problem. Unlike a demon an angel has to get your permission before possessing you. Don't ever agree to it because they will not relinquish your body back to you."

Just as suddenly as Cas appeared he disappeared. I felt like the trance of his presence wore off and I was free to look around the room. Sam was sitting down on the other side of the room looking at the floor refusing to make eye contact with any of us. Bobby was standing near the door way and Dean was next to me. "Well we better get that tattoo on you. Bobby do you still have the tattoo gun?"

Bobby let out a sarcastic grunt and said. "Of course boy. Set it up on the kitchen and don't make a mess like you did last time." Dean stood up and waved me to follow him to the kitchen and I stood by the chair he pulled out for me.

"This might hurt but it will keep any demon from possessing you ever again." I looked him square in the eyes and replied. "Nothing hurts anymore. Get it done with and I don't ever want another one of things inside me." I turned the chair around and straddled it and took off my shirt. I touched the smooth spot on my upper left shoulder blade. "Put it here." And I took another swig of the holy water and the burning was just a little bit less that time going down.


	4. Chapter 4

Deans POV

This girl is strong. She hasn't flinched, winced, or even moved since I started her tattoo. I wipe away some of the blood off her shoulder with a clean towel so it doesn't mess up her sports bra or pants. Sam must have turned beat red when he asked the lady at the store where the sports bra's were.

Her back has more scars than I care to count on it. Don't get me wrong her skin is soft and creamy and her back has a tragic beauty to it, but there are at least two bullet holes. One on her upper right shoulder and one on the back of her hips on her lower left. There are countless small nicks and cuts but the most shocking are three sets of scars that look like an animal clawed her back. They are long healed unlike the cut that came across her right side that she must have taken recently during knife fight.

As I wipe away more blood she takes another sip of the holy water in the gallon jug that Bobby had given her. "Do you need a break?" I ask her. She shakes her head no and continues to sip her water. "What kind of animal did this to your back?"

For the first time since I started her tattoo she seemed to wince. She turned her head around slightly and looked at me over her left shoulder. "Your brother." She said quietly.

I nearly drop the tattoo gun. My brother had done this too? How is that even possible? It looks like a wild animal had dug into her skin not a human. "Once Ruby had him addicted to demon blood he would go into violent rages. Ruby liked it rough and had no problem convincing him it was ok. On the last night she used my body, she was having sex with him and he started to claw my back with his nails. My soul screamed out in pain which made Ruby beg him to dig harder. I finally lost consciousness and I assume Ruby took full control of me for a while. When I woke up I was on my stomach and Ruby was telling him all kinds of lies. Like how if he kept drinking the blood he would be able to save you and that he was getting strong enough to take on Lilith. Sam was lapping the blood of my back like a cat while she was talking. Only it wasn't Sam anymore. He was long gone and the demon blood fully controlled him. I know from Ruby that addiction to demon blood never goes away. He's like a heroin or meth addict he is always going to want it."

I didn't want to hear anymore. That wasn't the little brother I knew and raised. The little brother I know gave me shit about having one night stands with girls in bars. He didn't claw girl's backs like he was an angry tiger. He says he's ok and doesn't want the blood anymore especially not after his soul was trapped in the cage with Lucifer and Michael but I also didn't know that this is what the blood would drive him to do. "I know he's different Dean. I'm not blind. But I'm still afraid of him and I will be afraid of him until I know he's not going to attack me. Don't ask me to relax and forgive him. I just can't yet. I had to sleep on my stomach for a month afterwards because my back was so sore. I had to change my own bandages and every time I did they would stick to the wounds and they would pull on my skin and start to bleed again. That is what I think of when I see you brother. I think of a savage beast that scares me."

I traced the scars on her back with my fingers and she shivered. "I don't know what to say Lara. I never knew that Sam. I won't ask you to forgive and forget, not yet. But we stick together. He and Bobby are all I got, and Cas told me we had to watch you which means Sam isn't going anywhere." I put the gun back up and restart her tattoo.

"That's fine. Just please don't leave me alone with him. I promise that I will try to get to know him. I know how convincing demons can be and Ruby was better than most. I heard the things she promised him and I understand why he thought he was doing the right thing but, unlike most humans he knows that demons lie and that they are intrinsically bad. That is why I have a problem with him. Even Ruby couldn't believe how easily he fell for her bullshit. She would laugh at him and how weak and pathetic he was trying to get his big brother back. She had no intention of ever helping him get you out of hell. When she heard you were out she came back to the body farm and asked to get my body back so she could try to keep Sam with her by parading his child in front of him. My keepers said absolutely not. They needed the baby to survive and they weren't sure if you would try to kill her if she showed up at your door 4 months pregnant." She laughed to herself for a moment. "Maybe they would have had better luck if they did let Ruby take me."

I put the finishing touches on her tattoo and did one more wipe with the towel. I put a layer of saran wrap over the freshly tattooed area and gave her a bottle of ibuprofen. She looked at the bottle and laughed. "I would have killed for that bottle just a few days ago." She popped of the top and downed four pills.

I started to pick up my mess. Bobby hadn't been too happy the last time I did this. A few months ago I drunkenly decided that I needed a Metallica tattoo on my arm and I tried to give myself a one. Luckily I was drunk enough to think the table was my arm and I passed out half way through the t with the gun still on. He still hadn't cleaned up all the ink, and Met is carved in the table. "Lara you can take the bedroom upstairs. It's the second room on the left. Mine is the first room on the left. I put your night clothes on your bed. It's been a long day why don't you try to get some rest. We'll all be shortly behind you. The bathroom is at the end of the hall but don't try to shower tonight with the tattoo so fresh."

I grab a couple beers and walk back into the family room. Bobby is mindlessly watching the television and Sam is still sitting where I had left him staring off into space. I throw a beer in his face and he grabs it and pops it open and I give Bobby one too. I quickly get my top off and take a chug. God I needed this after talking to her. "So what do you idjits plan to do with her now that Cas has given you manny detail?" Bobby asked as sarcastic as ever.

Sam shrugs his shoulders and refuses to look at us. "What's crawled up his butt since he left?" Bobby asked while he pointed his bottle at Sam.

"Ruby used to wear Lara and Sam remembers her from that." Bobby gave a grunt and kept drinking his beer. "It's more than that Dean." Sam grumbled at me. "I am trying to remember everything that happened, everything I did to her but it's like trying to remember a night I drank too much and I blacked out. Some of the shit I think I remember I don't even know if it's true or just some fucked up dream I had."

It was hard to feel bad for him after what Lara told me he did to her but I of all people know what it's like to hurt someone. I spent 40 years in hell and for a majority of that I tortured other souls down there. "Just ask her what you did Sam. Then apologize and try to fix it."

Sam finally looked at him and gave me his prissy face. He knows I hate that face when he scrunches up his nose and flattens his lips into some kind of annoying grin like frown. "Yea I'll get right on that jerk. I currently can't even make slow movements in front of her without her grabbing on to a rosary like I am going to attack her."

I roll my eyes at him. If only he knew the half of it. "Whatever bitch. She'll slowly come around."

Bobby finished his beer and slammed the bottle down on the coffee table. "Well if you two girls are going to keep talking like an episode of gossip girl I am going to go to bed." Bobby stomped out of the room and slammed his bedroom door. He hated being reminded of Sam's blood addiction. It made him feel like he failed him by not keeping him around when I died and went to hell. I know it's not his fault and Sam doesn't even connect Bobby with the idea of demon blood but I know he feels guilty, but he wasn't the one who threw Sam into Ruby's arms. I was. "I am going to head up to bed too. I'm friggen exhausted." Sam nodded at me and got up to get another beer.

I head up the steps ready for bed but I see Lara sitting Indian style beside her door. I approach her cautiously and knell down in front of her. "What's wrong? Why are you sitting out here?"

Her eyes were filled with tears and she quickly moved her face away and wiped them off. "I know it's stupid but I was afraid to go in there. I was afraid if they came to get me you wouldn't hear me if I yelled." I hated seeing girls cry mostly because I never knew what to do. She wasn't a loud crier like many women I have met. She just allows the tears to fall down silently while she stuffs the pain inside.

I reach forward and grab her into a hug. "It's ok to be scared or nervous. It's only been what two days since you go out of there? I'll go in and check your room out and we'll keep our doors open in case you need anything in the night." She shook her head and I stood up and lowered my hand to help her up.

As she was standing up Sam started to walk up the stairs. Lara froze when she saw him take the landing and grabbed my hand tighter. I could tell Sam was ashamed as he lowered his head and ducked into our room. "Come on Lara you need to get to bed."

I went in the room first and turned the bedside lamp on. It was a small room just big enough to hold a twin bed, a night side table, and the world's ugliest dresser. When we were younger and we used to stay here dad would sleep in here while we slept in the room next door that wasn't much bigger but had two twin beds. Some of dad's clothes were still in dresser. I went to the window and opened the curtain. "See we salt all the windows in here and tape it down with packing tape so it can't blow away even if the window is opened. " I point to the floor at the demon trap painted below the window and shut the curtain to show her the devils trap sewed into the curtain.

"Nothing is getting into this room. If you need anything just holler I'm in the room next door and like I said I'll keep the doors open." She sat down on her bed and let out a slight sigh. I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. Jesus what possessed me to do that? She looked up at me through hooded eyes through her lashes and gave me a weak smile. "Thank you Dean. For everything."

I quickly left the room before I did something else stupid and headed to my room to find Sam sitting on the edge of his bed taking off his boots. He looked up at me as I came in and started to dig threw my bag to find my toothbrush. Good oral hygiene is very important even if you are kicking some demon ass. "Dean." He waits a moment. "yea Sam."

"If even half the shit I think I did to her I did she is never going to forgive me." He stopped for a moment and looked down at his hands. "And I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive me."

"It will work itself out Sammy. Now let's get some sleep. I don't think anyone slept worth shit last night." Sam begrudgingly changed and got into his bed. It was almost comical to see him sleep in the bed he grew up in. He was so tall now that his feet dangled over the edge.

Has I was headed back from the bathroom I could see that Lara had fallen asleep with her lamp still on. I walked in the room and turned it off but kept the bathroom light on incase she woke up and was confused.

I don't like sleeping much the dreams get to me too. I tell people I don't think about hell much and it keeps everyone off my back but at night I can remember everything I did, every person I did it to, and how much I grew to love it. Cas told me once that it was alright that heaven forgave me. That's great if heaven forgave me I'm still the one that has to live with it. I roll over and face the wall and I try to sleep.

_My dream is thankfully black. It is a vast nothing. There are no people, no angels, no demons, just nothing. Then I realize that the black is familiar. The black is my soul. It's a vast nothing. It's better than the normal dreams though. _

_ Out of the dark I hear screaming. It's not me. The screams sound like they are coming from another plane. They aren't from this black nothingness._

I wake up with a start and realize the screams were coming from Lara's room. Sam is sitting up in bed and was about to get up but I waved him down and ran into her room. She is sound asleep and wrapped up in her blanket. Her hair is matted down to her head with sweat and her face is paler than a ghost. I run over to the bed and start to shake her awake. "Lara. Wake up. Come on now wake up." Her eyes flicker open and for a moment I think she is going to attack me but when she meets my stare she starts to calm down.

Once she realizes where she is she falls into my chest and I can feel tears coming down her face. "I'm sorry Dean." I put my arms around her and rub her back while she calms down. "Don't worry about it. Just relax and you can go back to sleep."

She pulls back quickly and looks up at me. "No. I am not going back to sleep. I can't face it again." She looks over to the small clock next to her bed and reads the neon letters. "I slept 3 hours that's enough."

I start to stand up and pull away but she keeps her grip around me and I stay put. "I'm just going to go to a pillow and a blanket and I'll sleep on the floor. If you start to have a nightmare I'll wake you up."

"No, that is ridiculous. You have a comfortable bed right next door. I'll be fine. Maybe I'll go watch some of that TV downstairs." She's not going to budge. Her jaw is set to defiant for me to try to sway her now. I pull back and get up and head downstairs. She trails behind me carrying the blanket off the bed. I turn the TV and plop down on the couch next to her. "What are you doing?" She asks me.

"If you're going to stay up and watch TV than I will too." And I threw her the remote. She looked at it for a moment and threw it back at me. "I have no idea how to use that and quite frankly I've never watched a show before. Just put something on." I decide on some mindless comedy that was rerunning and settled into the couch. Lara was staring at the TV trying to understand the characters and the jokes and I could tell that they were all flying over her head. How could she get any of the jokes though? She's never had a normal life. Before I know it I fall asleep on the couch watching her.


	5. Chapter 5

Lara's POV

He had fallen asleep hours ago. Every so often he would start to moan in his sleep and I would nudge him and he would flail around for a minute a lull back into a dreamless sleep. I know he spent time in hell and I can't begin to imagine what that was like. The "mall" as the demons loving referred to the body farm that I grew up in wasn't good but it nothing as horrible as hell. When the demons would take over my body and they thought of hell I could see how horrid it was. It's the one place that scared me more than the "mall." Some of the demons were even afraid of being shoved back into the pit. He seems so adjusted and happy but when he sleeps you can see that he isn't.

The door down the hall creaks open and I turn around to see Bobby leaving his bedroom. He seems surprised to see us. I give him a weak smile and he nods for me to follow him into the kitchen. He stumbles into his kitchen and presses a button on a machine that starts to spit out black liquid that reminds me of what Sam had brought me yesterday morning. "Sorry if I woke you up Bobby. I was awake and Dean showed me how to use the TV."

Bobby grunted and waited for his machine to make enough liquid for him to drink. Once he took a sip of his liquid he seemed to smile for a minute. "What do you want for breakfast? I was thinking about making some eggs and bacon."

"Sounds good Bobby. Can I watch?" I asked hoping he would let me learn just a little bit more about being free. He let out a chuckle and opened the fridge and pulled out a box. He gave them to me and pulled out some meat. "Since we're the only ones up take 4 of those eggs and crack them into a bowl. Try not to get any of the shell in the bowl."

We work in silence and he starts to mix the eggs with milk over a pan. He puts the meat on another pan and it starts to sizzle. The smell that wafts off the pan is strong. It reminds me of when Azazea made my body roast people alive just for his amusement. My stomach starts to rebel against me and I can't control it. I run down the hall to the bathroom off the living room and throw up what's left in my stomach.

While my head is still in the toilet bowl I hear a noise behind me and a pair of cool hands pulls my hair off my neck. "It's ok Lara just let it out." I hear Dean's voice say to me calmly. After a few minutes my stomach feels calm enough for me to lean back from the toilet and rest on the hard chest behind me.

"I'm sorry if I woke you. I smelled the bacon and it reminded me of a mission my body went on." I felt him reach up and grab a towel of the bar and turn the sink on and wet the towel. He took the damp towel and wiped it on my forehead and the back of my neck. "Don't worry about it. I needed to get up anyways."

I relax a few more minutes and I slowly start to get up. He stands up behind me and I feel my head get a little dizzy and I fall back over. Dean's strong arms catch and steady me. I notice for the first time that he isn't wearing shirt but is only wearing a pair of shorts. "I'm sorry I just need to eat something. "

He makes sure I'm steady and grabs my elbow and leads me back out to the couch. He disappears into the kitchen and after a few minutes he comes out with a mug and gives it to me. "Bobby said that tea would be better for your stomach and he brewed you a cup." I grab onto the cup with both hands and drink slowly. It did sooth my stomach a bit. "He said he has some lucky charms,, I'll make you a bowl and bring it back out."

I can't help it but I am confused. "Dean, how do I eat lucky charms?" Dean gave me a slight smirk and went back into the kitchen. He came back out with a bowl and put it in my hands. "It's food. It has some marshmallows and stuff in it. It's good, you'll like it."

The bowl looks safe and there are brown shapes with colored shapes that were starting to turn the white liquid different colors. I hesitantly take a bite and swallow it quickly. Back at the body farm they would sometimes not feed us for days and after a few days they would give us the most disgusting things just to see if we would eat it. One time they didn't give me anything but a cup a water a day for a week and I ate a rat raw. This most definitely did not taste like rat. I give Dean a smile and take another bite. "This is really good."

He gave me a relaxed grin and ran up the stairs. I finish the bowl quickly and go back into the kitchen and see Bobby eating at the table. "Dean said you don't have much stuff with you. So I am gonna call my friend Jody Mills and have her take you to the mall."

At the mention of the word mall I drop my bowl and it shatters on the floor. "DDDEEEEAAAANNNNN!"I yelled out. Bobby looked shocked and stopped eating and started to stare at me. I heard a commotion coming down the stairs and Dean came stumbling into the kitchen in a pair of boxers, one sock, and half his shirt over his head with his hands pointing a gun. "What is it Lara?"

I don't know what to do and I walk over to him and grab his arm. "He wants me to go to a mall Dean. I'm sorry I threw up and broke a bowl but please don't send me there."

Dean lowers his weapon and looks at me and gives me a crocked grin. "Lara I don't like malls either but it's not reason to start yelling."

"Dean please I don't want to go to the mall." I don't want to go back there. I can't go back there.

Dean gave me a confused look then he looked at Bobby who shrugged his shoulders and looked back at me. "Lara what do you think mall means?" I feel my chest start to swell and it become harder to breath. I can't seem to catch my breath and the room is closing in on me. Is that even possible. I start to sink to the floor and Dean grabs me and takes me to a seat.

What does the mall mean to me? It means being given out to any demon who wants me. I can't seem to catch my breath and my eyes can't focus. The area around my vision starts to turn black and I can feel myself losing consciousness. How can they send me back to the mall? I haven't done anything wrong.

Bobby puts a bottle of whisky in front of me and the smell starts to bring me back. I try to get my hand around the bottle and when I fail Dean grabs it and brings it to my lips. I take a deep gulp and let the familiar burn go down my throat. Most demons like to drink and alcohol is very familiar to me. Once the room stops spinning I am able to catch my thoughts. "Dean the mall is what the demons would pick me up. It was a body farm but when they wanted a new body they would tell me they were going to trade me in at the mall and get a new one. When I would leave my cage they would take me to another room where they would get me ready for whatever mission they wanted me to go on. If they wanted school girl, or a stripper, or a nun they would dress us up there and send us out."

He put his gun on the table and pulled me into a tight hug. "Lara a mall is just where humans go to get clothes. The demons must have just borrowed the term. It will be ok." I can't seem to stop shaking and I hold on to him harder. "I'll go with you. Jody will help you pick out some clothes and I will stay with you. Don't be afraid I won't let anything happen to you." I feel my muscles start to relax and I stop shaking.

As I pull away I look back at Bobby who is staring a Dean. "You are going to mall? Hell I might go along just to see you in one." Bobby starts to laugh and he gets up and chuckles the whole way out to of the kitchen.

"It's ok Lara." He said has he rubbed my back. "The mall isn't the body farm you grew up in. In a few hours we'll all go." I pull away and run upstairs to put on my clothes and I run back downstairs to watch the TV again and Dean came in to the room and plopped down next to me.

"Do you need anything special when we head out later?" He asked me while he flipped through the channels. "Cowboy boots and a cowboy hat please." That got his attention. He stopped flipping through the TV and faced me with a sideways grin.

"One of the missions I went on took my body to Texas. I was a teenager and the demon Beezelbub promised me if I was just stayed quiet and didn't bother him he would let me do something fun. I decided I wanted to go horseback riding. So I was good the whole week we were there. I didn't fight him or try to regain control of my body but I observed everything. At the end of the mission I asked him if we could get some boots like the other people and go horseback riding. He laughed at me the whole back to the body farm and needless to say I never got to go horseback riding. But I still really want the boots and the hat." I didn't mean for my story to make Dean said but I could tell he was sad for me.

He gave me a nod and went back to the TV. "Our first stop will be to get you a pair of boots." After a few hours there is a knock on the door. Bobby jumps up off his chair and runs to the door. When he opens it he gives the person on the other side a big grin and a hug. "Hey Jody, I need some help." He brings the woman into the room and points me out. "This young lady needs some clothes and well none of us men know our way around a store."

She laughs at him and comes to the couch and grabs my hand. "Hey honey, Bobby called me this morning and said you needed my help. We'll have a fun girl's day and get you what you need. Luckily Bobby is giving us.." and Bobby hands her a piece of plastic.. " Axel Halen's credit card." This woman in front of me seemed kind and trust worthy. I can't help but get wrapped up in her excitement.

As we all get ready to go Dean and Sam come trotting down the stairs. "Lara, Sam wants to come too so he can go to the book store." I try not to look scared and give him a friendly nod.

"Well hell if I'm the only one whose gonna stay behind I might as well go too." Bobby says as well leave the front door. Jody gets in the driver's seat and I go to the passenger side and get in next to her. All three men clamor in behind us into the backseat. Sam takes the seat behind the driver and I am able to relax once I realize he won't be to near me.

When we arrive at the mall Sam jumps out of the car and starts to head away from the car fast. Jody, Dean, Bobby, and I head into a store. As promised Dean took me to a store and let me try on boots. I found a pair of reddish brown boots with steel tips and a cross sewed into the leather and I knew they were it. While we were checking out Dean put a white hat on my head and we got that too.

Jody took me into another store and started flipping through the racks. "Lara what do you need?" I look at her a bit confused and look around the store. "Everything? You're looking at all I got." Jody gave me sad grin and started to pull clothes off the racks. Jeans, slacks, shirts, skirts, dresses, and shoes were being thrown at me and I couldn't seem to tell the difference from one piece to the next. Jody decided what I was going to get.

After hours of trying on clothes Jody announces that it's time to take me to get under clothes and pajamas at a store called Victoria's Secret. Once she mentions that store both Bobby and Dean look at each other uneasily and come up with excuses they can't go. Dean and Bobby in the end offer to make my many shopping bags back to the car and to pick me up a duffel bag to travel with.

As we enter Victoria's Secret I am overwhelmed with the color pink and I look at Jody skeptically. She flags down a girl and brings her to me. "My niece here needs a measuring. I want to get her a full wardrobe." The girl gives us both a smile and takes me to the back into a small room.

She pulls out a tape measure, "Lara she is going to measure you to figure out what size you need." Jody said from the other side of the door. The sales lady tells me to take off my shirt and I follow her orders. When she sees my scars she lets out a gasp. Before I can respond Jody pipes up from outside, "My niece was in Iraq and just got back." The sales lady seems to accept this and goes onto measure me.

Once she's done measuring me she leaves the room. Jody comes in puts her arm around me. "See that wasn't so bad sweetheart." The sales lady comes back and presents me with a constant barrage of lace and satin. Jody finally takes over and tells her to bag everything up and we leave the store.

After hours of shopping and countless bags of clothes we head back to the car. Sam is waiting with Dean and Bobby with a few of his own bags. When I approach the passenger side he walks over to me and keeps his eyes lowered but puts a bag in front of me. "I got you some books to help you catch up on what you have missed. There are some pop culture and history books in the bag."

I take the bag nervously and look at Dean who is giving me a wide grin. "Thank you Sam." I say and I get into my seat quickly. The trip exhausted me. I have never had to make so many decisions and hold a conversation with so many people for so long. I lay my head back on the seat of the car while Jody and Bobby chatter away together.

I felt movement behind me and feel Dean rest his chin on the back of my seat. "You doing ok up there?" I smile even though he can't see it from behind me. "Yea, I'm just tired. I've never experienced anything quite like that and quite frankly I don't even know what I got in the end."

He tussled my hair and feel back into his seat. I could feel Sam looking at me from his seat and I tried not to react but it like bugs were crawling on my skin. I'm just not ready to look at him let alone talk to him yet. The books were a nice gesture but he still scares me.

When we pull up to the house the men get out of the car and start to pull my bags out the trunk but Jody asks me to stay put for a moment. "Lara, they haven't told me exactly what you have been through but they told me that you didn't have normal childhood. If you have any woman questions you can ask me. Bobby and the boys all have my number."

My eyes start to swell up. I wasn't used to everyone being so nice to me all the time and it made me feel almost uneasy. "Thank you Jody. If I need too I will defiantly call. Thank you for taking me shopping and picking all this stuff out. I don't think I would have known what to do without you." Jody reached over and gave me a hug and I quickly left the car before I actually started to cry.

Inside the house Sam is sitting at his computer in the living room and Bobby was making himself a sandwich in the kitchen. I take the stairs two at a time to get back to my room to unwind. When I make the turn into my room I find Dean pulling clothes out the dresser on the wall next to the window. My bags are all over my bed and the small closet is wide open. "Whatcha doing Dean?"

He turns back for a moment and finishes taking the clothes out of the dresser and puts them in a pile with the things from the clothes. "This was my dad's stuff but he won't need them again. I figured you needed some room to put your stuff. You can just put the duffel bag under the bed for now since we'll probably stay put for a bit longer but feel free to put your new stuff in the drawers and up in the closet." I can tell that cleaning up his father's things is a big step to him and I don't want to impose any further than I already have.

"Dean I don't need all this space. His things can stay right where they are." Dean starts to pick up the pile of clothes and walk out of the room. "He's been dead for going on 6 years now. It's time that we get rid of his things. The toiletry things that Jody picked out for you I put in the bathroom. You can go organize them when you're done with your clothes." And he left the room.

I can't quite grasp everything that's in front of me. I never owned much stuff just my sleeping bag and 2 outfits at any given time. The stuff in front of me is almost surreal. When I was younger and the demons would take my body out I would be jealous of all the young girls who had friends around them and beautiful clothes. I just gave up on that ever being me. For the first time I feel hope that it all might change for me.


	6. Chapter 6

Sam's POV

I hate trying to remember what I have done. I had gotten pretty to used to since I got my soul back and there is this chunk of time that is just nonexistent to me. I just hate every time I realize I did something horrific. When Cas told me that I tried to kill Bobby to keep Death from shoving my soul back into my body I thought that was the worst thing I have done, and will ever do. Now that I am trying to piece together everything that happened between Ruby and Lara and me I realize I may have done worse things.

On paper I understand why I trusted her so quickly. She told me she could get Dean back. Our family couldn't keep making ridiculous deals with crossroad demons to save each other and she told me she could fix it without me having to do that and I fell for it. How could I have been so dumb? I know better than anyone what conniving backstabbing unholy pieces of filth demons are but I trusted her and, I fell for her. I will never let anyone know that but I did fall for her.

I didn't fall for the bodies she was in. I had seen her in so many different bodies and I was in love with her. What does that make me? She was funny, tough, and wouldn't take bullshit from anyone. When I thought she died the day Dean went to hell I lost it. I lost my brother and another girl I was interested in. Then one day she shows up at my hotel room in a young body of what appeared to be a sweet innocent girl and I was ecstatic. I was sick of being alone and without Dean around I knew I could act on my feelings for her without any retribution.

I can remember everything that happened between us up until the blood. I remember us hanging out and doing just normal things like going to the movies or dinner. I remember making slow love to her and I remember opening up to her like I never did with anyone else. But after I started drinking the blood everything is so blurry. I won't be ashamed for what I did with her those first two weeks she was back. Lara may not have wanted me to touch her but all I could think about was Ruby. I know in those first two weeks I was kind to her body. It's the two weeks following that I can't seem to figure out what I did.

When she looks at me I can feel the fear radiating off of her. I swear she gets paler and she grabs onto Dean like I am going to jump her. I've seen the scar on in the inside of her elbow at the bend of her arm and I'm pretty sure I did that. I have a hazy memory of me drinking from her arm and getting out of control and ripping the skin with my teeth to get more until Ruby had to push me back and tell me that the body couldn't take much more blood loss. I think I did it again but I can't remember clearly.

The memories feel like blazing masses of madness. I remember the hunger and the dark animal in me that would take over my movements. Dean is starting to look at me differently again. I think Lara told him what I did to her because he seems scared of me too. Dean is different around her though, he's softer. I've never seen him act that way with anyone. He's careful when he moves around her so she doesn't get startled and he is constantly watching her making sure she is ok. His tone of voice even changes around her. He isn't as loud and obnoxious he's a bit quieter and almost sweet. If I didn't know Dean better I would say he was falling for the girl, but after everything with Lisa and Ben I don't think he is ever going to go down that road again. Not that I could blame him. Making your best friend erase your girlfriends mind so that she could have a better life would be tough on anyone.

I'm trying to win her over. At the mall today I realized that she must be so confused with everything going on around her and I picked her up some books on history and pop culture and I hope it helps. She didn't flinch when I gave them to her but I could her get tense when I was studying her in the car. I just can't get over how different she looks without Ruby in her. She's the same girl. Her hair is still a dark brown, it still has a light wave to it, and her eyes are still a little large for her face which makes the blue in them seem all the more striking. Her lips are still soft and light pink. But what made her Ruby is gone. She seems softer and more approachable. She is strong in a different way than Ruby and I can't quite put my finger on it. Her eyes look haunted where Ruby's looked strong and when men would hit on her at the bars we went to one stare from her would send them packing. She has no sense of humor yet but I guess that's probably because she doesn't get most jokes.

"Earth to Sam. Are you in there Sam?" I hear Dean whining in my ear. I finally focus on him and notice that he and Bobby are both in the living room. "Yea sorry Dean I must have just zoned out for a minute."

Dean hands me a beer and opens his. "I took Dad's stuff out of the spare room so that Lara could have some space. You can go through it see if there's anything you want." Wow he got rid of Dad's stuff. That is a big move. He doesn't even like to acknowledge that dad is dead and now he's moving out his stuff.

"That's fine Dean I'll go through it when I can."

"That was a nice thing you did for her today. Getting her the books and all." Dean chugged his beer and slammed the bottle on the table. "I needed that after the torture of going shopping.

Bobby looked at Dean and chuckled. "Yea boy you seemed to really hate it especially when you were helping Jody pick out clothes." Dean scowled and opened another beer. "I figured if we are going to be staring at these clothes for the next few months or however long Cas needs us to watch her I might as well have a say in what I am looking at."

"Maybe next time you'll take her for a pedi mani and get your eyebrows done too." Bobby retorted with a snort. Dean chocked up his beer and spit it out. "Never happening old man."

Lara's pov

Getting all of these clothes put away was more fun than I thought it would be. It was just so blissfully normal. Most of the bathroom products Jody got me I remember from when demons would take me out for long missions but some of the stuff I might want to check with Dean before I try to use.

I feel kind of hungry and I run down the stairs to the kitchen to hear the boys ragging on each other. Bobby made a sarcastic laugh and I heard him say to Dean. "Yea boy you seemed to really hate it especially when you were helping Jody pick out clothes." I can't help but smile at that. He said he would say with me and he did until we went to the last store.

I hear the familiar sounds of beer bottle opening and I hear Dean retort back. "I figured if we going to staring at these clothes for the next few months or however long Cas needs us to watch her I might as well have a say in what I am looking at."

Is that the only reason they are being nice to me and letting me stay? Only because Cas told them too. I thought I had finally made a friend. Something I have always wanted but I'm just a responsibility to him. I feel the familiar return of what I felt that morning when I found it hard to breath and my vision started to get hazy. Deep slow breaths I tell myself. I can't be in this house anymore I need to get out.

Before I know what I am doing I am running out of the door into the salvage yard. I don't know where I am going but I need to get out. After a few minutes of sprinting as fast as I can I start to feel the panic ease out of me. It feels good to be able to run, to be outside and to see the sun.

I just don't know what I will do on my own. I haven't been taught to do anything. I don't think that being possessed by a demon is a valuable skill to get a job with. But I can't stay here if they don't want me here. I don't' want to be someone's responsibility.

I hear pounding footsteps coming from behind me and I take a battle stance from muscle memory from all the times my body has been used in a fight. I plant my right foot and hold up my fists ready to defend myself. Dean comes running around from behind a car and I relax my stance. I don't know when I started crying but I can feel tears coming down my cheeks.

Dean stops in front of me and takes a deep breath. "What the hell are you going running out of the house like that? You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

I'm taken back by how forceful he is and lower my eyes. "I heard what you said." I said quietly. "What exactly did I say?" He demanded from me.

"You said that the only reason I am here is because Cas told you to take care of me." I reply almost in a whisper trying to cut off a sob. Dean gave me a confused look and scratched his head. "When did I say that?"

I'm still too nervous to look him in the eyes and I keep mine focus on a car part at my feet. "In the living room you told Bobby that you were going to be staring at me for a few months or however long Cas needs you too. I'm sorry if you feel like you have to watch me. You really don't. I can leave if you want me too." I try to stop crying but I can't. I don't remember ever being this much of an emotional wreck but being let out of that place has messed with my emotions.

Dean cautiously walks up to me and puts his hands on my shoulder and waits for me to meet his determined stare. "I am sorry if you thought that. That is not what I meant at all. I don't want you to go anywhere and you are welcome to stay with us for as long as you like. Cas may have asked us to watch you but I was going to offer for you to stay with us anyways. You just got out of a horrible situation and you need time to recover and heal. I don't feel like I have to watch you I want to watch over you. Make sure you are doing ok and can adjust to all this craziness and make sure those demonic bastards never get their hands on you again."

I can't help myself and I put my head on his chest and finish my most recent cry session. "I'm sorry I over reacted. I'm just so confused by everything out here and I feel like I am constantly messing up or doing something silly." He puts his arms around me a gives me a reassuring squeeze. "Thank you again Dean. You saved my life by getting me out of there. And you're helping me form a life but allowing me to stay with you guys."

I finally pull back and wipe my eyes. He looks down at me and gives me a smile and takes his finger over my cheek getting a tear I missed. "So don't think you got to leave or you're an imposition on us ok. And don't let Bobby and Sam know I have a nice side. They'll never let me live it down." I let out a laugh and follow him back to the house.

"So what do you want to do tonight?" He asks has we took the stairs. I try to think of all the things I always wanted to do but never got to. "I want to go to a movie!" I pipe up cheerfully. I had always wanted to go to a movie theater. People look so happy around the theaters.

Dean chucked a bit an opened the door. "What do you want to go see?" I tried to remember any movie title that was every spoken around me I couldn't seem to bring one to my mind. I watched a few movies through the eyes of whatever demon possessed my body when they would veg out I hotel rooms or something but I never really good the titles unless they said something.

"I don't know Dean. Just something exciting." Dean pulls out his phone and starts to play with it. "Well looks like we got Breaking Dawn, Happy Feet Two, and Jack and Jill." I give him a very confused look waiting for more information. "OK so do you want to watch a movie about a sparkly vampire, dancing penguins, or twins that are played by the same actor and I'm pretty sure he pretends to be a female."

I can't help but laugh. Normal people apparently will watch just about anything, sparkly vampires come on. The only time I met a vamp it was devouring an entire bar. "Dancing penguins sounds fun…" It sounded like it could be fun. "Ok we'll head out soon. What do you want to get for dinner?"

"PIZZA! I have always wanted pizza. I see people carrying it around in those fun shaped boxes and I want to try it. OH and a hot fudge sundae. I saw it on an ad once for a place called Dairy Queen and it looked good."

"Ok pizza and ice cream it is. I'll see if Sam and Bobby want to come and we'll head out here in a bit. Why don't you go change and get ready." Dean goes into the living room and I go bounding up the stairs. I have never been so excited. I was going to see a movie in a theater, have pizza, and eat a hot fudge sundae.


	7. Chapter 7

Deans POV

I don't know how it happened but somehow tonight kinda turned into a date. When I found her crying in the middle of the salvage yard I would have done anything to make her stop crying. Her lost puppy dog look definitely gives Sam a run for his money. I felt horrible when she told me that she thought we didn't want her and that she was just a responsibility to us. She's had such a rough life and I hated the idea that I would be a reason she would cry.

When I came back in I asked Sam and Bobby if they wanted to go us to the movie. Bobby laughed at me and told me and I quote. "You must be drunk boy if you think I'm going to go see a movie about dancing penguins." Then I'm pretty sure he mumbled "idjit" under his breath. Sam gave me his annoying little brother face which I swear he has been using a ridiculous amount lately. He said that Lara wouldn't want him to come to the movie.

So somehow this evening has turned into just Lara and me going out. I wouldn't be so freaking nervous if she wasn't so excited about going to a theater. And her smile when she said she wanted pizza and a hot fudge sundae lit up her entire face. No pressure Dean, you're just taking a gorgeous girl who is ridiculously innocent and knows very little about the world everyone else was raised in. My childhood may not have been the best but I had a good run until my mom died, and even than I had my dad and Sammy. It wasn't that bad. She didn't even have that.

I look up to the top of the stairs I start to hear clacking on the wood. Lara glides down the stairs and I can't help but notice her wearing her new boots, a white billowy skirt, a soft brown sweater, and a big chunky belt around her waist. She looks great. She stops at the bottom of the stairs and starts to blush. "I've never put an outfit together before. Is this too much?" What the hell do I say to that? You look great want to skip the movie and make out in the back of my car? Did I just think that? Get a hold of yourself Dean. The last thing this girl needs is you hitting on her.

"You look great Lara, you did fine. Sam and Bobby aren't going to be coming so we can head out now if you want." She nodded her head and practically ran to the door. By the time I got out to the car she was already sitting in the passenger seat. She is so excited she can't seem to keep her hands still. "You doing ok over there?"

She gave me a beautiful smile and laughed. "I'm doing great. I am so excited to be going out. It's so surreal. Are we getting pizza first or the movie first?" I can't help but get caught up in her excitement it is contagious. "Pizza. There's a place in town that makes a great pie. It's near the theater. If you don't think it's too cold we can probably walk there from the restaurant."

We arrive to the pizzeria which is a small Italian restaurant in the center of town. The place isn't too busy and the waiter took us to a booth in the corner. After he leaves us with the menus Lara lets out an excited squeal. "It's like I imagined Dean. It even has the cute red and white checkered table cloth."

I smile at her and look down at the menu. "What kind of pizza do you want?" I ask her. She looks down at the menu like she is studying for a test and before she gets back to me the waiter shows up to ask for our drink order. "So what would you guys like the drink?"

Lara looked at me nervously. I should have known she wouldn't know about ordering and what normal drinks were at a restaurant. I give her a reassuring nod and ask, "Do you want a coke or a beer?" She thinks for a minute, "Whatever you're having."

"Two beers please." The waiter turns around a leaves. "So you know what you want on your pizza?" She looks down at her menu again and gives me an exacerbated look. "I didn't know there would be so many options. Some of them sound kind of gross. I mean ham and pineapple with cheese and tomato sauce. How can anyone want that? Can we just get plain cheese?"

Of course, I should have remembered that meat made her sick. The waiter quickly comes back to the table to drop off our beers. Poor kid couldn't be older than 17 and is clearly in love with Lara. "We'll take a large cheese pizza." I tell him. He writes it down looking down and Lara hoping she'll talk to him but she is oblivious to him.

When he finally leaves Lara seems to relax a bit. "So Dean, what else do you and Sam do besides save people?"

"Not much else I guess. This is our life. We hunt it, kill it, and when were lucky save the girl. It's a full time job. When we're not doing that we stay with Bobby and help work on the cars but most the time were out hunting." When I put it that way my life seems kind of lame.

"That's very brave. Not a lot of people know about our world. It's very nice of you to keep it that way. I wonder what my life would have been like if someone like you had been around when I was taken." She said it so nonchalantly but it stabbed me in the heart. We should have found out about those body farms sooner. We should have gotten her out sooner. She must have guessed what I was thinking because she turned pale quickly and grabbed my hands. "That's not what I meant Dean. I didn't meant that you guys should have gotten be faster. I am thankful to get out at all. I just, I meant, oh gosh I am sorry." Her eyes started to swell up again and I quickly snapped out of it.

"Don't get upset. It's fine. I'm sorry please don't cry." She got herself together quickly and gave me a weak smile. "Let's not talk about that stuff tonight ok. It's your night to not be part of that anymore. We're just two normal people out having pizza and going to a movie."

"I like that idea. So what do two normal people who are having pizza and going to a movie do?" I couldn't help but laugh. "Honestly Lara, I don't know. I never do this." She let out a chuckle and I knew we were out of the crying zone. "I guess they talk about their day, sports, politics, stuff like that." 

The waiter came back and put the pizza down in front of us. "Anything else you guys need?" Lara shook her head no and the waiter left. I put a piece of the hot pizza on her plate and slice on mine. She gingerly picked it up and took a small nibble. Her face lit up like Christmas tree and she broke out in a smile. "You like it?"

She took another big bite and laughed as cheese stuck to her chin. I reached over and grabbed the cheese off of her face. "It's wonderful. Better than I imagined." Before I knew it the pie was gone and we were on our third round of beers. I can't remember a recent time where I was having so much fun. I was telling her stories about my adventures growing up and about Sam and dad. She has such a contagious laugh that I find myself laughing along with her.

I look down at my watch and notice we need to leave if we were going to make the movie. I pay the waiter and we head out. The theater is only about 5 blocks away and it is a nice evening so we decide to walk. We arrive at the theater with a just a few minutes to spare and I get out tickets. We pass the snack counter and her eyes linger on the popcorn. We had just eaten a large pizza but for her first movie theater experience she should also have movie theater popcorn. I start to walk over and she grabs my arm. "I don't need anything else Dean."

I pull her along with me and order a large popcorn with extra butter and a coke. "Yes you do Lara. It is basically a requirement that you have popcorn at a theater." She lets out a laugh and we head into the theater. Since it was a weeknight it wasn't too crowded and we got decent seats. I give her the coke and shake the popcorn in front of her and she takes a bite. "OK maybe you were right. We needed the popcorn." I smile at her and the movie begins.

I honestly can't tell you what happened in the movie. I couldn't stop staring at her. Her reactions to the previews, than her shock at the animation, than her lighting up when the penguins started to sing and dance. It was amazing. After waking her up this morning screaming from a nightmare I didn't think it was possible to see her this happy. When the credits started to roll she looked over at me and smiled. "That was amazing. I think I like the movies."

When we went outside it had gotten a bit colder since we got in theater and Lara let out a shiver. I took over my leather coat and put it around her shoulders before I realized I did it. "Thanks Dean, but won't you be cold?" I shook my head no. "Tonight was wonderful. Thank you so much. It was the best night of my life."

"It's not over yet. You said you wanted a hot fudge sundae so we got to get that too." Lara slammed into me playfully and I found my arm around her shoulder. "I don't know if I can eat anymore Dean."

I laugh, "Don't worry you'll find room once you have that sundae in front of you." We enter a diner and take a seat at the counter. When the waiter comes over I order us a sundae and he brings it back quickly. I give her one of the spoons and we dig in. "Ok, you're right I can find room for this."

When we get back to the car I open the door for her and run over to my side. I turn the car on and turn my music on. "I'm glad you had a nice night Lara."

"I had the best night Dean. It was perfect." I smile to myself and drive home. Lara couldn't stop chattering about the movie but as we pulled up to the house she yawned loudly. "Sorry I must be more tired than I thought."

"You only slept what 3 hours last night I'm not surprised. " The lights were still on so I assume Bobby and Sam were still awake. We climb the stairs and before I open the door Lara stops and pulls me into a tight hug. "I really mean it Dean. Thanks. Tonight was really special. I got to be normal even if only for a few hours." Then she let go of me, opened the door, and ran up the stairs to her room.

Bobby looked over at me as I shut the door and waved. "So how was the dancing penguins Deana? Did you put on a tutu and dance along with them." I lightly punch Bobby's arm. "Thank god you showed me the dance moves before we left Bobby or I would have been so confused." Bobby scowled at me and went back to what he was reading.

Sam put the book down he was reading and met my stare with a weak smile. "Did you have a good time?"

I shake my head and take a seat next to him on the couch. "Yea, it was nice."


	8. Chapter 8

Give or take three weeks later

Lara's POV

_ "You don't get to be happy Lara. That is not what you were made for." Bael yells at me has he takes over my body. "This is what you were made for."_

"Lara wake up. Come on girl wake up." I open my eyes to see Dean hovering over me. "There you go." I choke of a scream and latch on to him. I feel him put his arms around me and I know that I am out of the dream and that there isn't a demon inside of me but it felt so real. I could feel him invade every crevice of my body. I could feel him move my arms and my legs. I could feel myself lose control of my body. That dream feels more real than the flesh and blood holding me currently.

I continue to shake but I can feel the sobs start to subside. I try to talk but it comes out a jumbled mess. "How, the did, where." He pulls back a little and brushed the hair of my forehead and out of my eyes that was stuck from sweating. "You're at Bobby's house, in your room, and I heard you screaming next door. You did pretty good tonight. By my calculations you got 4 hours and 34 minutes of sleep." I start to relax. I remember now. I'm safe. I'm at Bobby's in my bed, wow that still feels strange to say, and Dean has me.

"It felt so real Dean I thought I was there. I thought he took over me." Dean continued to sooth me but I felt my heart beat slow down and my breathing return to normal. "What do we still have to watch?"

Dean chuckled and started to get up. "I think we still have some of the movies that I rented for you." Sam had started renting movies and tv shows for me to watch when I woke up that would catch me up on what I have missed. So far we've gone through the Godfathers, the Karate Kids, the Terminators, the Simpsons, and Sex and the City. The day Sam brought that one home Dean had a fit. Dean said he was in charge of the music and movie education but, Sam won out saying that it was a bible to women and that I should watch it. Dean tired to hate it but after 5 nights of watching it with me he was just as worried about Mr. Big and Carrie as I was.

We snuggled into our normal spots on the couch. Dean took the left side and I took the right and we put our feet up in the middle. "Looks like we still got Caddyshack, a classic comedy." This had become our ritual. Once I woke up screaming we would come down here and continue my education.

Halfway through the movie Dean drifted off and I didn't want to wake him. He wasn't sleeping much between my nightmares and his, even if he won't admit he has them. I can feel another headache coming on so I pick up the remote and turn the TV off and pick up the most recent book Sam had picked up for me. We are currently tackling science and I am learning about the solar system.

I didn't mean to but I drifted off. I woke up to Dean screaming and thrashing around on the couch. I jump and stand over him and start to shake his shoulder. He won't stop screaming and he isn't waking up. God he is going to wake up the entire house. "Dean wake up it's just a dream!" I see his fist move forward and move out of the way than I see a knife appear in the other hand and I jump back. "Dean wake up!" He finally wakes up. He looks disoriented and confused. He looks over at his right hand that has knife in it and looks down at me laying on the ground. "You wouldn't wake up Dean."

His hand goes weak and he drops his knife and falls down on his knees on the floor next to me. "I am so sorry Lara are you ok? Did I hit you?" I shake my head no and pull him towards me. I know better than anyone how horrible a nightmare can be especially when their based off memories. I stand up and help him on the couch and pull him into my lap. I can feel his heart pounding on my legs as he lays there trying to reconnect with reality.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask him while I rack my fingers through his hair. "It's nothing Lara just a bad dream. Don't worry about it." I drop the subject. He can be stubborn and it is best not push him on something's. He'll talk to me about it when he's ready too.

Bobby's POV

I swear to God if these kids don't stop waking up in the middle of the night screaming I am going to go crazy. If it's not Lara, it's Dean, and it's not one of them it's Sam. Am I the only one who has my head screwed on tight enough to sleep a whole night? Goddammit, I do love those kids though. And it's not their fault that one of them was raised by demons and possessed more times than I care to know, and one was in hell for four months, and the other one's soul was trapped in the cage with Lucifer. I just wish I could get more sleep.

It has been getting better though. Sam started to tutor Lara on all kinds of ridiculous subjects like math, science, English, literature, history, just all kinds of worthless shit but she seems to like it. The first few session they had Dean sat in the corner of the room like a protective lioness over her cub until Lara seemed to relax around Sam. I don't' know what he did to her when Ruby was in her and quite frankly I probably don't want to know. Lara and Sam seem to be ok with each other now. She's even comfortable enough to allow him to touch her shoulder when he's looking over her answers to these absurd tests he gives her. The first time she nearly jumped out of her skin and Dean jumped up and almost punched Sam. Bunch of idjits. She's getting the hang of it fast though. They have been whizzing through all the subjects and she has even started to make jokes recently.

Dean on the other hand decided she needed a different kind of education and has been teaching her about music and movies. They'll drive around for hours listening to what he calls music and come home and watch movies all night. I swear I saw him watching Sex and the City one night. That boy has it bad for her or he likes men now.

Somehow I got roped into teaching her about cooking. One morning I was going to the grocery store and she begged to come along with me. The shopping trip took 5 hours because she wanted to try everything in the store. Now I have a rule, she can pick out 15 things every trip. We haven't made it out of the produce aisle. Sam picked her up some cookbooks and she has been cooking up a storm, but she still won't cook meats. Dean insisted that if I was going to cook meat I do it outside on the grill. She caught me doing that two nights ago and she followed me outside. "Bobby what are you doing out here? It's freezing?"

I didn't have the heart to tell her I was cooking outside because the smell made her sick. "The food tastes better off the grill Lara." She stood there for a minute trying to get me to come inside until she caught a whiff of the meat. She promptly turned around and ran inside to throw up I imagine.

She's become a pretty good cook for only cooking vegetarian food and she recently got into desserts. I asked her one night why she only makes desserts. She smiled at me and laughed. "Because they are happy food silly. Desserts taste good and they make people smile." They have definitely been making Dean smile since she makes him a different pie every day on top of all the cakes and cookies. I think we are going to need to start having bake sales to keep up with all the stuff she bakes. She can't seem to put any weight on though. She's constantly eating something but she seems to just be getting thinner.

Jody has even been coming by to check up on her. She comes over every few days and usually makes us all dinner and teaches Lara about what she's doing in the kitchen. Sometimes after dinner her and Lara will disappear upstairs for a bit and talk about girl stuff I suppose.

They're all just happy. It's not something I get to see often from the boys. She brings out something good in them. It's hysterical seeing Dean trying to bend over backwards for her and it's nice to see Sam in his element.

It makes it so much harder to tell them. I have been putting it off but there aren't any other hunters I can think to send. Not with something of this magnitude. I have to send them on a hunt and I really don't want too.

When I finally decide to get out of bed I get dressed and open my bedroom door. Lara is laying down on the couch and to my surprise Dean is laying in her lap with his eyes closed. I start to open my mouth to let out a smart assed comment but stop myself. I heard him screaming an hour ago too and I just don't have the heart to bother him right now. Lara smiles at me and slips out from under Dean and follows me into the kitchen. "Can I make you an omelet today Bobby? I read about it yesterday and I want to try to make one."

I laugh and start brewing my coffee. "Sure thing kid. I'll take cheese, tomato, mushroom, and onion." She lets out a little squeal and starts pulling stuff down out of the cupboard. I'm not quite what happened but in her excitement she must have gotten dizzy because I turn around and I find her knelling on the floor. "Lara?" I ask as a knell down next to her. She is incredibly pale and looks clammy. "Lara are you ok?"

After a moment color slowly comes back into her cheeks and she slowly sits up. "Yea I'm sorry. I haven't been feeling well lately. Sam thinks I have the flue or something." I keep an eye on her but she seems to be doing fine now and she continues to make my omelet.

I start to hear movement upstairs and sure enough I hear Sam jogging down the stairs. "Omelets? Nice! You taking orders?"

Lara lets out a weak laugh and responds. "What do you want in yours Sam?" Sam opens the fridge to see his options and looks at what she making me. "Just cheese and mushroom."

From the den Dean starts to yell. "I'll take cheese, mushroom, and onion please!" Lara smiles and finished making everyone breakfast. I know that boy would rather have meat but he doesn't even mention it.

When we all sit down to eat I know I have to tell them about the hunt. I just wish I didn't have too. I take a deep breath and cough it out. "So you boys thinking about a hunt anytime soon?" At the mention of the word hunt both Sam and Dean put their forks down and look at me with steely eyes but I can see the color drain from Lara's face for the second time this morning. "There is some real strong demonic activity going on in Santa Fe and I think you boys should go take care of it."

Dean looks at Sam and they seem to silently agree to take it. "Sure thing Bobby." Dean says to me than looks at Lara who was starting to shake slightly. "Do you want to come with us or stay here Lara?"

"I'll go with you guys." She seems nervous but I guess that is to be expected considering her history.

I look through the newspaper clippings I have been researching and hand it over to Sam. "Lot of weird stuff going on, that's what I found so far. There have been a lot of deaths and people going into comas. It looks they were all hit by a demon."

While Sam reads over the papers Dean continues to eat than looks over at Lara who hasn't even touched her plate since they said they were going to Santa Fe. "Lara you don't have to go if you don't want to. " I hear Dean whisper to her. I can't hear her response but I can see her shaking her head yes. "Well if you want to go why don't you go up and pack your duffel. We'll be headed out soon."

She pushes away from the table and slowly makes her way up the stairs. Sam seems engrossed in the clippings and I can see his mind spinning trying to connect the dots. Dean is staring off into the space. I wish the girl would just stay here with me so I wouldn't have to worry about her. But I know she won't leave Dean. He was the one who rescued her and she is attached to him at the hip.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean's POV 

I know she doesn't want to go on this hunting trip. Once Bobby mentioned it all the color drained from her face and she grabbed onto my leg under the table. I told her she didn't have to come. I even tried to beg her to stay at Bobby's but she refused to be left behind. We got loaded up into the car and she's sitting in the backseat but she looks scared.

"Hey Lara why don't we go over the last book you read. We have a whole section on the solar system to talk about." Sam said to her trying to cheer her up. If someone wanted to teach me about the solar system the last thing you would get is a smile on my face but I can see her smiling in the back seat. "Sure thing Sammy."

"Oh hell no. I am not going to have you guys talking your nerd talk the whole way to Santa Fe." I chime in picking on them a little. Lara comes forwards and turns the dial down on my music. "How about a compromise? For every 15 minutes of Sam's education we do 15 minutes of your education. So if we do the solar system for an hour or so we will than play whatever you want for an hour."

That seems like a reasonable compromise. "Ok but don't try to bring me into it." Lara smiles at me through the rearview mirror and pats my arms. Sam starts asking her question after question after question.

After three hours of questions and lectures I can't take it anymore. How planets are there Lara? 9. What is the name of our local area? The solar system. What is the name of our galaxy? The milky way galaxy. What was the first rocket into space and who sent it? Sputnik and Russia. "GUYS I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! You have been doing this for three hours. Let me put on some tunes and try to forget about the solar system for just a minute ok."

Sam tried to speak but Lara put her hand on his shoulder. "I'm tired Sam. Let's take a break and we'll do some more later."

"You better not be too tired it's my turn. Today is time to learn about Led Zepplin." I say jokingly. I can see Lara laugh and roll her eyes and lay her head back down on the seat. She hasn't been looking to good lately. She's been pale and tired a lot. She's been complaining of headaches too. Sam said she just has a bug going around.

Sam throws a book back at her. "This will be for tomorrow. " Lara picks it up and reads the back cover. "So we're going to start going over diseases?"

"Yea the book covers the basics. The common cold, the flu, mono which I assure you Dean can give you firsthand knowledge of." I lean over and punch his arm and he laughs at me. "Cancer, HIV and Aids stuff like that."

"HIV and Aids? What's that?" I hear Lara ask from the back seat. Sam starts to talk all seriously about it for a few minutes. "It's a disease that is spread through bodily fluids like blood or semen. It attacks the immune system. HIV is the virus that can lay dormant for years or become active in weeks and leads to Aids. It's not curable but it is treatable. It's become quite an epidemic in Africa and in the early 80's in America there was quite a scare." Sam finally stops talking and lays his head down on the passenger window.

Through the rearview mirror I can see Lara reading through the book eagerly. She seems a bit shaken up. Only my idiot brother would give her a book on diseases and expect her not to freak out a bit. By tomorrow she will be a germaphobe who probably will start to clean everything. I see the golden arches of McDonald's and remembered I promised to take her there. I pull over and go through the drive through. "What do you all want?"

Sam mumbles "Just get me a salad and a bottle of water." And Lara sits up and tries to study the menu. "Can I order for myself?" She asks excitedly. I smile and nod.

I roll my window down and put in mine and Sam's order. "Well take a number 1 with a coke, a chicken salad, and a bottle of water." Than Lara starts to roll down her window to order. "I'd like a large chocolate milk shake, one apple pie, one cherry pie, a large fry, a fruit and walnut salad, and a hot fudge sundae with nuts please."

I start to laugh out loud and I turn around and gape at her. "Anything else princess." She laughs at me and punches me arm playfully. "Oh yea and I would like ketchup, sweet and sour sauce, mustard, barbecue sauce, and honey mustard. What I just want to try it all." We get out bags of food and I pass it out and I see her start to devour her goodies in the back seat. She keeps making moaning sounds so I assume she likes it. Sam picked at his salad and before he could throw it away Lara asked him to get the chicken out and let her try it and she finished that too. "I swear Lara where do you pack all that food?"

She laughed again and pulled out her book and started to read. "Oh no you don't. You promised me 3 hours of music education. Put the book down and just relax. I don't need two nerds in the car!" I can see her begrudgingly put the book down but after a while she's singing along with Stair Way to Heaven.

It's getting late and we're about half way to Santa Fe. Sammy is already passed out in the passenger side, Lara is fighting to keep her eyes open, and quite frankly I am too. I pull over at the next motel I see and jump out to get us a room.

I get Sammy awake and I pull Lara's and I bag out of the trunk and head to our humble abode for the night. Lara is clutching a sleeping bag and Sam looks like he is ready to crash back into the first bed he sees. I put our bags down and Sam puts his on the far bed and starts to dig around for his stuff.

Lara starts to unroll her sleeping bag on the floor. "What are you doing Lara? You'll sleep in the bed Sammy can sleep on the floor." I say jokingly with a wink. Sam gives me a death stare and Lara continues to lay it out. "I'm fine Dean I am used to sleeping on the floor."

I lean down and grab her arm and pull her up. "That is why you are not going to be doing it anymore. Sam or I can sleep on the floor."

She spreads her legs apart and puts her hands on her hips and cocks her head and gives me the best attitude she can. "This is just stupid. Sam you take that bed and Dwiddle Dee and I can take this bed." I'm a bit shocked by that turn of events but I am not going to complain either.

Sam finally finds his pjs and heads into the bathroom. Once he shuts the door Lara frantically looks at me. "I wasn't thinking when I packed and I only have a tank top to sleep in. I don't want Sam to see the scars on my back. Can I borrow a t shirt?" I dig in my bag and pull out a spare grey t shirt and give it to her. "Thanks."

Once Sam comes out he collapses into his bed and goes right to bed. I let Lara take the bathroom next and she comes out in my shirt that goes to her knees and a pair of pink flannel pajama pants. By the time I am done she is already in bed with the covers pulled up around her. I check the door, pour salt in front of it and the windows and climb into bed next to her.

I can't sleep with her so close to me. I want to reach over and pull her to me but I can't do that. What the hell has gotten into me this is ridiculous. After a few hours I hear her start to moan and roll around. I can tell she's about to start a nightmare and I lightly nudge her shoulder. She calms down and drifts back to sleep. I finally fall asleep after that. Every so often I feel her start to get agitated and I nudge her and she gets calm again.

When I wake up the sun is coming through the curtains and I look down at my chest and there is a mop of dark brown hair and an arm splayed possessively over me. I guess I got my wish after all. I turn my head and crane my neck to see that it's 10 am. Holy shit we slept all night. I start to lightly shake Lara to wake her up and she wakes with a start. Once she's sitting straight up in bed all alert I tell her. "It's ok it's just time to get up. You slept all night. You've been asleep 10 hours."

She looks down at me in astonishment and grabs the clock next to the bed and stares at it. She than throws the clock down jumps on the bed and starts to jump up and down squealing like a child. "I GOT 10 HOURS OF SLEEP! SUCK IT DEMONS!"

Sam wakes up and throws a pillow at her. "That's great now why don't you let me get 11 hours of sleep." She laughs and jumps over to his bed and jumps up and down until he begrudgingly gets up.

"Can we go to IHOP for breakfast to celebrate? I want to try their pancakes." I can't help but laugh and get up to start getting ready for the day. I take the first shower and when I come out Lara is chattering away to Sam about all the pancakes she is going to try.

"Hit the shower one of you guys if you want to eat at IHOP we got to head out soon." Sam jumps in and Lara goes in after him. We all head in and load up the car and Sam plugs the closest IHOP into his phone and we head out. It's only a few miles down the road.


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks to everyone who has given me such nice reviews. I am really glad you are enjoying the story. I am a bit nervous about this chapter but for some reason it's how I felt it needed to go.

Lara's pov

Three days! Three whole days I have been stuck in this hotel room. They won't let me tag along with them they said it was too dangerous. Dean brought a dvd player with us and hooked it up to the tv so I can watch movies and shows during the day and the fridge is stocked with food to eat but I'm getting lonely. Dean told me I could leave the room to use the motel pool but I'm afraid to leave. The town is having a demon problem and I am not going to tempt fate and have a demon take me by the pool. At least in the room I know I am kind of safe. Dean poured salt by the window and the door and put a devils trap by the door. They got me a phone and I have four numbers in it; Dean's, Sam's, Bobby's and Jody's.

The first day here was a disaster. I was just finishing up from my shower when I heard someone knocking on the door. I froze in fear and I couldn't say anything. Then I saw the door handle was turning and someone was trying to open the door. Thank God I had put the chain up before I went into the shower. I grabbed my phone and ran into the bathroom. I locked the door and hide on the floor of the shower. I called Dean and asked him to come back. He didn't even question me and was here in 10 minutes even though it felt like an eternity.

When he got here I was still hiding in the shower shaking like a leaf and I didn't hear him knocking on the door trying to get in. I hear a loud bang and I clutch my towel harder and pull my legs to my chest and try not to make a sound. Then I heard Dean screaming for me. He must have heard me cry because he found me curled up in the corner of the shower. I was worried he would be angry at me for interrupting their investigation but he calmed me down and carried me out of the shower and held me till I relaxed. I later found out it was just the maid trying to get in. I felt so stupid for not realizing that. Since that incident he has left me with the colt. I tried to beg him to keep it but he said "I want you to feel safe and this gun can kill anything. So just make sure you don't shoot me with it when I came back." He did manage to get a laugh out of me on that one. I keep it at arm's reach at all times. Even when I am in the shower or the bathroom I keep it on the top of the toilet.

I've had too much time to think the last three days. Back at Bobby's there was always someone there to distract me but all alone in this room I have to face everything. I found out from Sam's newest book that I am basically disease ridden. At least I now know why they sometimes called me Bubonic Six. It just makes me so angry. I wasn't the one who wanted to do those things but my body has to the pay the consequence for everything evil thing those demons made me do. Based off what I have read I know I'm contagious and I think I'm sterile. I always imagined if I got free I would have another child. I guess that's not going to happen now. It's probably for the best I wouldn't be a very good mom but, how could I be? I never had one of my own and I was raised by demons.

At least I have been sleeping better. Our new sleeping arrangement has been working out quite well. When I start to have a nightmare Dean can tell and usually nudges me a bit. It wakes me up enough to stop dreaming but I can fall back asleep. Even though Dean won't admit he was nightmares I can do the same for him. We've both consistently gotten 8 hours of sleep or more for the past 3 days.

I offered to help Sam with the research but Dean said that he didn't want me looking at the photos of the victims. I can tell he's worried they will upset me but I know I have seen worse, I have done worse. I don't think he understands the magnitude of what my body has done. And I don't know if I want him to know. It's nice to have someone think I'm kind and innocent for once. Sam left the file behind tonight because they said they were going to finish it up tonight. The found the demon and they plan on exorcising it. I just want to see if it's a demon I recognize. Screw it, I'm peaking.

I pick up the manila file and start to flip through the pages. Shit. They have it all wrong. This is not a demon killing people. This is something killing demons. I recognize these bodies. Five and eight are dead and seven and ten are in comas. Only they're not coma's their minds have been gone for awhile and they can't function anymore. The other 10 victims must be from another body farm. I have to warn them. They are going to be walking into a trap if they try to go up against whatever this is.

I grab my phone and try Dean first. Of course it goes straight to voice mail. The same with Sam's. I can't remember where they said they were going to go. I think it was an empty warehouse near the motel they were going to set a trap for it. I'm afraid to leave this room. You need to do it Lara. Dean will die if you don't. Just grab the colt and open the door and leave. OK I can' do this. I grab the colt and I run out of the door and down to the street. I look left and then right and only see buildings down to the right. I take off running.

I see the impala outside of a warehouse about 2 miles from the motel and I can feel my heart pounding through my chest. I run around the building and try to find an entrance and once I do I run in and start screaming. "Dean! Where are you?" I can here mumbling up ahead and I run towards it.

When I finally find them Dean first looks at me in shock and then I can tell he's pissed. In the center of the room there is a woman tied to a chair in a devils trap. "Dean stop! You can't exorcise her. She's a witch." I can see all the demons in her. She has almost 50 trapped in her. She's an old very dangerous witch who traps demons and lives off their energy.

Dean runs over to me and grabs me arms. "What are you doing here? It isn't safe for you here! Get out of here right now!"

I can tell he's worried about me but now that I see her they can't do the exorcism. "Dean this is not a demon. She is a witch. If you try to exorcize her the 50 demons her body is currently housing will be free from her body and they will kill you or she will. If those demons leave her body she is free to leave that circle and she knows black magic."

I hear the witch start to laugh. "Well if it isn't Bubonic Six. It's been a long time since I've seen your body. When was the last time? Oh I remember now! It was when that frat boy sold his soul to have the most awesome rush ever and we came to the agreement that letting the frat gang bang you would be a great party." I can feel myself start to gag from the memory but Dean pulls me in closer and I bury my head into his chest.

Another voice comes out of the witch. It's Moloch. "Six I am glad to see you again. You were always my favorite body. Do you remember when we went to Arkansas for a week and helped those parents sacrifice their children for financial gain?" I remembered that week very well. I was only a teenager maybe 12 or 14 and we sacrificed 15 children that week.

Deans grabs on to me tighter has I start to shake. "Make them stop please I can't hear anymore." Dean lets go of me and puts me behind him. Before I could hand him the colt I feel a pressure throw me back into a wall and I crash down and feel a stinging pain in my forearm. "Dean you have to kill her. She's a witch." I see Dean pull out his gun and Sam pull out the knife. They try to attach the witch but she throws them as well.

The colt is in my hands. I can do this I have used a gun before. I stand up and I aim it at her head while the boys are distracting her and I pull the trigger without emotion. I see her body light up for a moment and then I see all the demons and her die. I slump onto the ground while Sam stares at me in shock. Dean runs over to me and pulls me into a tight hug. "Are you ok Lara?" I shake my head yes but I really don't know if I am. My arm is searing in pain and I had just killed something for the first time without a demon in me. I see Sam strike a match and the light the body on fire and I feel Dean lift me up and carry me out of the warehouse. He throws Sam the keys and pulls me into the back seat with him.

We arrive back to the hotel and he carries me into the room and softly places me on the bed. I know he's going to yell at me for risking my life but until I get better he's going to be nice. He starts to take off my jacket and once I hear him wince I know he's seen I'm cut. "Shit! What happened to your arm?"

I pulled it back and cradle it in front of me. "It happened when she threw me back against the wall. If you're going to fix it you need to put on gloves."

Dean tries to grab my arm and I won't let him. "Don't be silly Lara just let me look at it and we'll get it washed and stitched up."

"Not until you get gloves Dean. "

Dean looks exasperated and he turns towards Sam. "This is why I didn't want you to give her that fucking book. Now she is all worried about germs and stuff." Sam puts his arms defensively and starts gets out the medical kit and tosses it to Dean. Dean turns back toward me and tries to take me arm again. "Lara just let me clean it up."

I can't let him touch me. I already let him touch my blood twice I'll be lucky if he isn't already sick. "NO!" He's stronger than me and he jerks my arm up and starts to examine the cut. "Stop it Dean! I am sick! You need gloves on!"

It finally seemed to sink in and he drops me arm. "What do you mean you sick?" I put my head in my hands and try to clear my thoughts for a minute. How do I tell them? "Does this have something to do with those pieces of demon filth calling you bubonic six?"

I look up at him with tears in my eyes and shake my head. "I'm sick Dean." I let out weakly. "I didn't know what bubonic meant until recently. I don't want you to get sick. You are my best friend. I love you guys. So please just put on the gloves if you plan on fixing my arms."

Dean starts to calm down and he sits down next to me and puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his side. "What do you think you have Lara?" I can feel the tears rolling down my face. "I know what I have Dean. I could hear the demons say it but I didn't know what it meant."

He let me cry on his chest for a few minutes before asking again. "Lara what is it they said you have?" I look at Sam who has been sitting quietly on chair across from us. "Their mostly stds."

I can feel Dean glare at Sam. It wasn't Sam's fault he didn't give any of them to me. "Syphilis, gonorrhea , Chlamydia, and" Why does this have to be so hard. "Lara it's ok those are all curable. We can take you to the doctor tomorrow and get you on medicine." I start to cry harder. If only it was that simple.

"There's more Dean." I try to take in a deep breath and calm down but I can't seem stop crying. "I have AIDS." I can feel Dean let go of me and stand up in front of me.

"How is that possible?" He asks me.

"Four months ago my body was taken on a weekend trip to Vegas. We got 12 souls that weekend and I got sick." Dean seemed to shake his head for a minute. "That bastard made you sleep with 12 men for their souls?"

I let out a laugh. "Don't be stupid Dean. It was 10 men and two women and yes it was for their souls. The cross road demons liked to take my body out and when men would make stupid comments to their friends like I would sell my soul to sleep with her the demon would jump right on that deal. The men didn't even know what was really happening. I didn't know what they meant when I got back and they said I had it. I thought it was just code for something."

Dean looked shocked and confused. "What was it you thought they were using my body for Dean? Just to take a stroll down to the grocery store and back?" I didn't mean to say that so harshly but he doesn't seem to be getting it.

He shook his head and looked to Sam for answers. Sam remained quiet and he looked back at me. "I guess I thought they used you as an assassin most of the time. I never thought those fucking bastards whored you out."

At the sound of that word I stand up and I slap him across the face. The demons, the men, the women, who used me would say things like that to me. I wouldn't hear it from him. Dean put a hand to his cheek in shock. I am fuming with rage and I storm out of the hotel room. I can't be in there right now. I sit on the hood of the impala and try to calm down.

I can hear Sam and Dean yelling at each other in the room and about 10 minutes later Sam opens the door and slams it shut behind him. He strolls over to me and sits on the hood next to me. "I'm sorry Lara. I'm sorry you're sick and I'm sorry Dean was so stupid. He doesn't always think through what he is going to say. I promise you he feels bad about it and he is beating himself up about it right now."

I refuse to look at him and I keep staring at the ground. We sit there in silence for awhile and I hear it footsteps coming towards us. I assumed it was Dean coming out to apologize and I was shocked to find Castiel standing in front of us. "Dean called me. He said you were sick and that I needed to get my, and I quote, feathery ass down here and heal you. If you would allow me to I can do that now."

I look at him and can't stop the tears from falling again. I shake my head and I feel him put his hands on my face. I feel a warmth radiate my body and fill me with peace. I can actually feel the illness leaving my body. When he is done takes his hands away and shoves them in his pockets and stands there still in front of us. "Your fine now Lara, everything is gone. I'm sorry I didn't realize the first night I saw you. I would have healed you then."

"Well now that I'm not dying I want to go out. What does a normal girl do a Friday night Sam?" Sam laughs next to me, "They get drunk and do something to regret in the morning."

"Then let's go get drunk and work on the regret part later." I say with a wink and I jump off the hood. I had seen a bar a few blocks down the street and I start to walk with Sam and Castiel following behind me.


	11. Chapter 11

Deans POV

Dammit Cas! I called his ass down here to go heal her and then bring her back in here so I could apologize to her and what does he do? He takes her to a bar! I've been in this room for 3 damn hours trying to figure out where they all went sauntered off too, not that I was watching them from the window or anything… Of course her phone is in the room, Sam might be ignoring me, and Cas probably has his on silent in that stupid trench coat of his where you he can't feel it vibrating. Sam finally texted me telling me they were in a bar two blocks down on the left and that I should come out too.

The second I said "I never thought those fucking bastards whored you out" I knew I was wrong. I blame it on the school system. I never quite got those big words down that may have sounded better in a situation like that. I am glad she hit me. She deserved to hit me. The look on her face when I said it I felt like I had just sucker punched her. I could see the tears well up in her eyes and she ran out of the room. Which is huge because she's been afraid to leave the room so she would rather have been out in the scary world than spend a second longer in a closed space with me.

She is never going to forgive me. I can hear what Bobby yelling at me. "Idjit! Do you have to speak every thought that enters your dumbass head?" And he's right.

I can't wait here any longer. I need to go out there find her and grovel if that's what it takes. I throw my coat on and put my knife and gun back in their holsters and slam the door behind me. At this point I don't care that our neighbors are probably ready to call the cops on us for a noise complaint.

The bar was on the left two blocks down just like Sam said. I was not expecting what I found happening I the bar though. I hear Lara singing first. "Boy, you're an alien, Your touch so foreign, It's supernatural, Extraterrestrial" and more shockingly followed by Castiel singing "I know a bar out in Mars, Where they driving spaceships instead of cars, Cop a Prada spacesuit about the stars, Getting stupid ass straight out the jar, Pockets on Shrek, Rockets on deck ,Tell me what's next, alien sex, I'ma disrobe you, than I'mma probe you, See I abducted you, so I tell ya what to do, I tell ya what to do, what to do, what to do"

I am watching Lara and Castiel sing karaoke and not just any song oh no they are singing Katy Perry and Kanye West. What the fuck is going on in here. Cas even popped the color on his trench and shirt and I've never seen him without his tie. I finally see Sam sitting in the corner laughing his ass off. The table in front of him is littered with glasses, beer bottles, an almost empty bottle of jack, and a very empty bottle of José.

The bar is surprisingly busy and the patrons seem just as amused at Cas singing as I am. When the song ends Cas stumbles back to the table where Sam is. Lara makes eye contact with me and she slowly walks over to me. I am ready to do anything she wants for her to forgive me. She stops in front of me and I immediately pull her into a hug. "Lara I am so sorry. I have never been so sorry about anything in my life. I will do anything and everything to make it up to you." I whisper into her ear while I hold her.

I feel her smile into my chest and I hear her whisper back, "Anything?" I'm a bit nervous about how mischievously she said it but I want her to forgive me. "Anything."

She grabs my hand and pulls me to the table that Sam and Cas were currently doing shots with what is remaining in the bottle of Jack. "Ok Winchester this is a three part apology. Number 1 you got to get us more alcohol and pay for our tab tonight. Number 2 you have to sing karaoke with me. Number 3 you have to go dancing with me." These were not the things I would have to do. I thought maybe get on my hands and knees and beg. Maybe buy her flowers everyday for eternity but this was an unexpected turn of events. "Oh and Dean, I get to pick the song." She smiled at my proudly.

I turn around promptly and head to the bar tender. I wave her over. "Another bottle of Jack and Jose and another shot glass please. " I hand over my credit card and say. "Keep the tab open this is going to be a long night." I bring the bottles back and put it down on the table with the new shot glass. Sam and Lara are looking over pages of a binder and Cas is pouring himself another drink.

Sam and Lara started to laugh hysterically which can only mean horrible things coming my way. Sam runs over to the man running the karaoke machine and Lara takes my hand and pulls me up on stage. At first I don't recognize the song but then I remember two nights ago when Sam rented her a copy of Dirty Dancing. Shit. This is about to get embarrassing. She nudges me in the side. "You get to start the song out Dean." She said beaming at me.

I don't know what I have done in my life for it to end up here but someone how it has. " Now I've had the time of my life, No I never felt this before" yea time of my life making an ass out of myself. "Yes I swear it's the truth, and I owe it all to you." I can hear Sam and Cas laughing at me but Lara winks at me and starts her part.

"Cause I've had the time of my life, and I owe it all to you." The song seems to go on for an eternity. When it finally ends crowd applauds and I jump off the stage as fast I can. Lara takes a bow and follows behind me back to our table laughing.

Cas left to walk back to the bar for something and Sam is playing with his phone laughing hysterically. I pull Lara down in the booth next to me and put my arm around her shoulder and whisper into her ear. "I really am sorry. I hope you know I mean that."

She giggles and looks at me. "After what you just went through I know you mean it." Sam starts to laugh so hard I swear I heard a snort and at first I don't know what's so funny until I feel my phone vibrate. There is a text from Bobby. "You did good up there George Michael."

I look at Sam with daggers and throw a bottle at him. "Thanks bitch." Lara laughs again and leans into me again. "Don't let him fool you. He sang two songs before you came in." I smile at her and I get the overwhelming sensation to kiss her but I stop myself and pull her in tighter instead.

Cas stumbles back with his hands full of drinks. He puts 4 shots down on the table. "I asked the bartender to make us something special. I have no clue what's in it." We all pick up a glass cheer and throw it down the hatch. It wasn't that bad a bit strong but not bad. I look at Lara who should be lying on the floor by now but she's refilling her glass.

"Girl you are a tank." I tease her. She laughs and throws back another shot. "Dean when did you have your first drink?"

I try to think back and the memory finally comes back to me. "When I was 12. Dad had left me to watch Sam and I found his flask. I took a sip and gagged. Of course Sammy boy here ratted me out." Sam gave him a disgusted look. "Ratted you out Dean? You were passed out on the bed when dad came back to the hotel with a flask in your hand."

I shake my head and laugh. "Ok well dad found out and he decided that a good lesson would be for him and me to go drink for drink for a night until I puked myself senseless in the bathroom. Needless to say it wasn't until I was 15 till I tried that shit again."

Lara playfully elbowed me in the stomach. "My first drink was when I was probably around 5. The demon who had borrowed me liked to drink. Needless to say it takes me a lot more than a bottle to knock me out. And besides if I can handle a demon in me I can handle a bottle of Jose in me." I laugh at her joke even though it honestly made me sad. "Ok Dean, time for part 3."

She stands up quickly and grabs me along with her. When we head out it's a fast song but almost immediately it turns slow. I pull her to me putting my right arm around her back and grabbing her right hand in mine. "So why didn't you dance with Sam or Cas?" Or any of the other guys in the bar who have been staring at you I assume all night since even with three guys with you now they can't seem to stop staring.

She smiled at me. "Who said I didn't?" She said with a wink. She nuzzled her head in my chest for a minute and laughed to herself. "I may be better with Sam but I am not comfortable enough with him to dance with him. And Cas well let's be honest he's more awkward than I am." She rests her head on my chest while the song finishes. We dance for a few more songs. After everything she told me tonight I am a bit nervous to dance with her. I don't know how much is too much and what could upset her. So I try to play it safe and stay a gentleman. We head back to the table where Sam looks like he may be near passing out.

If anyone in this bar was actually paying attention to Cas they would be a bit concerned. He is currently chugging the bottle of Jack I had gotten a bit ago and I'm pretty sure he finished the bottle of Jose. Lara pulls me down closer to her. "I think it's time we head out. Those two don't look like they are going to make it much longer." I shake my head in agreement and settle up our tab at the bar.

The walk back is a disaster. It starts ok I mean it's only two blocks how bad can this get? It had gotten a bit chilly out so I put my coat around Lara's shoulders. She smiles at me and leans into my body for warmth. Sam and Cas are stumbling down the street singing a very disturbing version of the Katy Perry and Kanye West song that Lara and Cas were singing when I showed up at the bar. Hearing Sam sing "Could you be the devil? Could you be an angel? Your touch magnetizing" to an angel may scar me for life. Then Sam proceeds to throw up all over the side walk.

Cas stops next to him and pats his back. "It's ok Sam. Let it out. You know man I never really liked you much. I thought you were kind of annoying but tonight I think I am starting to enjoy your company." Then the moment is ruined when Cas burps very loudly.

We finally make it back to the hotel and Cas passes out face first into Sam's bed and Sam tries to face plant into mine. I nudge him over to his bed before he passes out and let out a loud laugh when I realize that Sam and Cas were going to share a bed for the night.

Lara is laying my coat down on top of my things and starts digging through her bags. "I'm really sorry again. I don't know how I can ever let you know how horrible I feel about what I said."

Lara stands up and walks over to me and hugs me. "I told you I know you're sorry. I know you didn't mean it the way I took it so it's ok. But do you think I can make a forth caveat to your apology?" I look down at the top of her head and kiss it. "I already said anything."

She looks up at me with a beaming smile. "Let's go swimming. I have never been swimming before and you said the motel had a pool." I laugh and look at the clock. It says 3 am. The pool is definitely closed but good think I know how to pick a lock. "Sure, why not? But do you even have a swim suit Lara?"

She gave me a confused grin. "I'm not sure what that is so no I don't. I was just going to wear my bra and panties like they do in the movies." I start to chuckle. "They are wearing swim suits in the movies they just look like bra and panties." She smiles at me and runs to the bathroom to grab some towels.

I easily pick the lock for the pool and find the switch for the pool lights. Thank God the pool is not in front of the office or we would be busted for sure. I see Lara take off her shirt and pants and I take in a deep breath. She's wearing dark blue silk panties and a bra that match her eyes. Keep it together Winchester. She looks stunning. Her skin looks almost like its glowing in the moonlight and for the first time I really get to appreciate what a rocking body she has. I quickly take off my shirt, socks, shoes, and pants and stand there in my boxers. This is not going to end well if I am not careful.

I walk over to Lara and take her hand and start to descend the stairs into the pool with her. The water is pleasantly warm against the cool night air and I can see the skin on her arms start to raise. "I've never been swimming before Dean make sure I don't drown." I laugh and continue to pull her into the water.

"The first lesson in swimming is going under water. So close your eyes, take a breath, and don't try to breath under the water and go in." We both take a breath and submerge our heads under the water and she quickly comes back up. She looks pleased with herself. "Ok lesson two is floating. Lay on your back. Don't worry I got you." I get her to lay on her back and hold her up with my arms. "See that's easy."

She smiles and stares up at the moon and stars for a few minutes than looks back at me. "All those years in that place I never realized how beautiful the night sky was. If I had known I may have tried to break out more often."

It's not as beautiful as you I think to myself and start to turn red. I continue to hold her up in the water for a bit longer and move her around the pool as she watches the sky. She decides to sit up and puts her feet back on the bottom of the pool and stands facing me. All I want to do is kiss her, but I know I can't or well shouldn't. "Thanks Dean. I couldn't have asked for a better teacher." I smile and lower my head and turn red all over again. "No I mean it. You've been really great to me and it's making this adjustment and change not so scary. I don't know what I would do without you."

She pulls me into a tight hug and rests her face on my bear chest. She has no clue how much it is killing me not to kiss her right now and possibly try to press my luck and hook up with her in the pool. I can feel her body rubbing up against mine in the water and it's all I want to do but I need to stay strong on this.

We climb out of the pool and I wrap her up in a towel and pick up our clothes and we run back to the room. When we get there Sam and Cas haven't moved a muscle and we quickly change and crawl into bed. Maybe it was the alcohol we had both been drinking or maybe I've weaker than I thought but I pull her into me before we fall asleep and she doesn't fight it and nuzzles into my side.

My dreams are haunted tonight with memories of what I did in hell. But every time it starts to get bad I feel Lara nudge me and give me a hug and I can pull myself out of it and I'm able to get a decent night sleep.

I wake up first and Lara still cuddled into my side. I look at the clock and it says 12. Sam and Cas are still asleep and I slowly move my arm out from under Lara so I don't disturb her. After what Sam did last night pay back is a bitch. I pick up my phone and take a picture of Sam and Cas sleeping together and send it to Bobby. I then take a picture of it with Sam's phone and make it is back ground image and incoming call picture for when I call.

I laugh to myself the whole way to the bathroom and I jump in the shower. As I finished washing up I start to hear moaning coming from the bedroom. I realize that Lara is about to start screaming out and I drop the conditioner and quickly wrap a towel around my waist and run out into the bedroom. Cas and Sam haven't budged yet and jump on the bed and try to wake her up.

Tears are streaming down her face and she looks like she's in agony. Her hands are clutching her stomach in pain. I shake her a bit harder and she finally wakes up. She maybe a wake but she is coherent enough to realize the dream is done. I pull her into my lap and run my hand over her head. "It's ok now. Your awake. It's ok."

She starts to sob into my chest with her hands bawled up into fists on her stomach. "My baby. They killed my baby." She mumbles into my chest. I realize she must have been reliving the day her and Sam's baby was killed and I continue to rock her back and forth until she is lulled back into a calm sleep. I lay her back down on the bed and pull the covers up around her and finish rinsing off and put my clothes on.

When I come back into the bedroom she is wide awake sitting up in bed rubbing her stomach. She looks at me with red eyes and it felt like a hand being punched through my chest. I hated seeing her so sad. I sit down on the bed next to her and put my arms around her shoulders and pull her head onto my shoulder. "Thanks for waking me up."

"Don't mention it. Just relax a bit longer and we can head out of here soon." We lay there for a few more minutes until Sam's phone starts to make the alert for a text message. He flings his hand around on the bedside table and finally finds his phone and brings it close to his face. I hear him mumble. "I hope he buys you breakfast afterwards." And I start to laugh.

Sam slowly sits up and looks around and see's Cas in bed next to him. He makes a disgusted face and pushes Cas off the bed. Cas lands in a thump on the other side of the bed and starts to moan. His head slowly appears up over the other side of the bed and he rubs his eyes and looks around. "Good morning." He said weakly.

Sam throws a pillow at him. "Gross man you crashed in my bed last night." Cas doesn't seem to understand the problem and he stands up and straightens up his clothes.

"Ok guys get ready. We should head out of this town anyways." Sam stumbles into the bathroom and I hear him puke in the toilet. Maybe we won't be leaving as soon as I thought.


	12. Chapter 12

Lara's POV

Last night was amazing. I had so much fun. I really enjoyed singing but I loved dancing. Dean didn't dance with me the way the other men danced with the girls they were with. He kept his distance a bit and barely touched me. I think he might be a bit disgusted by my body and everything it has been involved in even if it was involuntary. I want to go swimming again too. It was nice to be floating in the water it was calming.

Since we all got up Sam hasn't gone more than 5 feet from the toilet. Poor guy is really hung over. Dean has been scowling over Sam's computer for the last hour and Cas and I are trying to learn a card game. Dean said we had to start off easy so he showed us go fish. For an angel I can't get over how horrible Cas is at this game.

Out of nowhere Dean slams the laptop shut and stands up and grabs his jacket. "Come on Lara." I stand up and grab the leather jacket that Jody picked out for me and started to put on my boots. "Don't forget the hat too." He said while pointing to my white hat on top of my duffle.

Sam moaned in the bathroom. "Dean stop making noise my head is killing me." Dean laughs at him and brings him a cup of water.

I follow Dean outside and get into the passenger side of the impala. Once he starts the engine I realize I might want to ask where we are going. I am just so used to be taken along for the ride I never thing to ask. "Where are we going Dean?"

Dean smiles and grabs my hand. "I just wanted to say I was sorry one last time. You'll see when we get there."

"Dean you already said you were sorry and you made it up to me last night. Don't worry about it. I am fine." What he said did hurt me but I know he didn't mean it the way it came out. I roll the window down and let the air blow through the car.

"Just lay back and relax we'll be there soon." I put my head back on the seat and close my eyes while the wind blows my hair around my face and the sun beats onto me. It feels nice. The car starts to slow down and it feels like we're driving on bumpy terrain, but I know Dean isn't going to let anything happen to me so I keep my eyes closed and just enjoy the ride.

When the car stops he lets go of my hand and gets out of the car. He runs around to my side and opens the door. When I step out of the car he places my hat on my head and grabs my hand again and pulls me with him. There is a white house in front of us and a red barn to our left. Next to the barn I see a fence and when I look harder I see there are horses in the fenced in part of the yard. I let out a squeal and go running towards the fence.

I jump up on the white fence and wait for one of the horses to come over to me. A solid black horse makes his way over to me on the fence and he lets me pet his head. Dean climbs up on the fence next to me and gives the horse a rub too. "Dean this is amazing. Thank you so much."

"It's not over yet. They have horseback riding and we going to ride some." I look over at him in shock. "Come on let's go meet with the guy and get you on a horse." I can hardly think I am so happy. I feel like I'm floating as Dean grabs me and leads me into the barn.

While Dean goes and talks to the owner I walk up to one of the horse pens and start to pet the horses head. The horse is white with brown speckles on his coat. Dean and the man come over to me. "Is this the one you want to ride miss?" He asks. I shake my head enthusiastically and let out another squeal. The man puts a saddle on the horse and leads the horse out of the pen. He ushers me to come over to him and tries to help me up on the horse.

I recoil. I don't know this man and I don't want him touching me. I slam back into Dean who grabs my arm. "It's ok Lara he's not going to hurt you. He just wants to help you into the saddle." He whispers reassuringly into my ear. He comes around me and stands next to the horse. "Sorry sir she doesn't like to be touched much. Why don't you tell me how to get her up on the saddle." The man seems a bit confused but he shows Dean how to help me up. I put my foot in the stirrup and Dean gives me a little lift as a throw my leg around the other side of the horse.

I am actually on a horse. This is incredible. The man takes my horses reins and leads the horse to another stall where he pulls a horse out for Dean. He gets up on the horse easily and the man gives me the reins. "Now if you two follow me I'll get my horse and I'll show you the basics then you can go on one of trails."

With the reins in hand our horses follow the man into the fenced in area. For about an hour he shows us how to maneuver the horse and work with it. He finally leads us to a trail head and lets us go on our own. "I packed the picnic in your saddle bag sir and at the end of the trail there is a nice spot to enjoy it."

"Dean this is too much. No one has ever done anything like this for me." I can see Dean blush a little as he moves his horse closer to mine.

"It's not too much. We had an extra day anyways with Sam puking his guts out. I thought it would be something fun for us to do. Besides you said you always wanted to go horseback riding."

I laugh and smile at him. "I just never thought I would actually be doing it!" I don't know what comes over me but I feel myself start to cry. They're not sad tears I have never been this happy in my life. I try to hide them from Dean but he eventually sees them.

I can hear the concern and panic in his voice. "What's wrong Lara? Did I say something again? I am really sorry." I shake my head no and he pulls his horse to a stop and jumps of it and runs over to my horse and pulls the reins to a stop and pulls me down from my saddle and pulls me into a hug. "What's wrong?"

I relax into him and just allow my brain to empty out and enjoy the moment. He feels good, he feels safe. "I am just so happy Dean. I'm sorry if I scared you it's just I'm so happy." I look up and I stand on my tippy toes and kiss his cheek. "Thank you." And I put my head back on his chest.

After a few minutes we get back into our saddles and continue our ride. As we come to the end of the trail my breath is taken away. It is beautiful. The desert is in front of us and the sun is starting to set on a mountain range in the distance. We both jump down and start to go through Dean's saddle bags to see what he packed for us.

There is a bottle of champagne with two plastic cups, some strawberry's, some kind of cheese, and a sliced loaf of bread. We set out a thin blanket and sit down on it and enjoy our spread. "Their website site sure wasn't kidding when they said this would be full service ride." He said with a laugh as we finished the last of the champagne.

The sun had turned the mountains red and pink and I just couldn't stop staring of the view. Dean pulls me into him and puts his arm around me as we lay back onto the blanket and watch the colors dance their way across the sky. "This is just so beautiful. I think I want to stay here forever."

Dean laughs and I feel his hand trace my back. "That would nice. We could steal these horses and roam the desert."

When the sun starts to set behind the mountains we pack up so we can make it back to the farm before it's dark. When we get back the owner takes the horses and I see Dean put some cash in the man's hand and we head back to the car.

The ride back to the motel is quiet. Not in a bad or awkward way just in a comfortable way. We roll the windows down and let the night air in and Dean turns his music up a bit.

When we arrive back at the motel Cas is surprisingly still there and Sam is sitting in his bed looking a bit better and he waves at us as we come in. "So where did you guys go for so long."

I break out into a giant grin and clasp my hands together. "We went horseback riding." Sam looks surprised than he gives Dean a smile and nods his head. "You feeling better Sam?"

Sam shrugs his shoulders and turns the tv off. "If by better you mean I don't want to throw up any more than yes but I still feel like shit. I learned my lesson. I am not going to try to keep up with you and Cas ever again. Let's get some sleep so we can head out tomorrow."

Cas stands up and walks over to the couch. "I think I'll stay another night. It's been nice not having to think about everything going on in heaven for a bit."

Dean lets me take the bathroom first and I take a quick shower to wash off the dust from the ride. I can't seem to stop smiling. When I'm done I braid my wet hair down till it goes halfway down my back and throw Dean's t shirt back on. I still don't want Sam to see my back, and I go into the bedroom. Sam is curled up into the fetal position on his bed and Cas seems to be zoned out on the couch. Dean is sitting on our bed cleaning one of his guns. When he hears me walk over to the bed he turns around and smiles at me. "I'm gonna take a quick shower too."

I turn the lamp off and I hear the shower running. He must have though I feel asleep to but then I heard him start to sing in the shower. "I've been through the desert on a horse with no name, It feels good to be out of the rain. In the desert you can remember your name, Cause their ain't no one for to givei you no pain." I smile to myself. I am glad that he had a good day too.

When he opens the door and leaves the bathroom he quietly walks over to his side of the bed and slides in trying not to wake me up. He lays down on his back and puts his arms above his head. I enjoyed it so much last night that I scouted over to his side of the bed and put my arm over him. He seemed to jump for a minute then he relaxes and put his arm under my neck. "Thank you again for a great day." I whisper to him in the dark.

I can see him smile from the moonlight coming in from the window. He leans down and kisses the top of my head. "I had fun too. Now try to get some sleep."


	13. Chapter 13

Lara's POV

_Why does she have to come back here? We follow him from hotel room to hotel room pumping him full of our blood. The last night we meet he took a chunk out of my collar bone and almost bleed me to the point of needing to go to the hospital. Luckily there was a demon that could get me a blood transfusion afterwards. "Six will you shut up the fuck up in there? I don't care that you almost died." I pull myself a little deeper into the recess of my mind. Ruby scares me. She doesn't like me making myself known and she sure has hell doesn't like what I have to say about her precious Sam._

_ She moves my body to cheap motel room at the end of the row and pounds on the door with my fist. When Sam opens the door I can tell he needs more blood. His eyes are bloodshot and they look hungry. He takes his hands and wraps then around my arms and pulls me into a desperate kiss. I know my arms are going to bruise he's being too rough again. He bites into my tongue and I can taste blood in my mouth. It makes me sad that just four weeks ago he was a kind grieving man and now he is a violent monster._

_ Ruby doesn't play around. She pulls out a knife and slices it over my forearms and brings it to his mouth. He drinks it greedily but luckily pulls away without her needing to push him off. Ruby laughs with my throat and begins to talk with my vocal cords, "Did you miss me Sam?"_

_ Sam doesn't respond he just pushes my body on the bed and Ruby lets out an excited squeal. God I don't want this again. He scares me. He rips off his shirt and Ruby frantically takes me hands to undo his belt and take off his pants. Ruby has learned better with him and mostly comes in a cheap dress these days and doesn't bother with underwear. He rips of her dress and I freeze in fear in my mind. When he plunges into me I scream out in pain but Ruby masks it with a laugh. She's been in hell she doesn't feel pain like I do, she enjoys it. She hears me scream and mentally pushes me back as I feel him rip my body apart. I can't take it but she keeps pushing him to go harder._

_ She maneuvers my body so I am on top now. He's been drinking our blood again and I can see it taking an effect on his system. His eyes are starting to turn black and I can tell he's gone and only the blood thirsty demon is left. "Get him out of me! Stop it Sam you know better!" I scream out. He puts his hands on my back and digs his nails in and pulls my skin. I can feel my flesh ripping off my back and I let out a soundless scream. I can't move, I can't scream, I can't beg for help it hurts so badly. Luckily I lose consciousness and allow Ruby to take full control._

"Lara wake up! You need to wake up Lara it's just a dream!" Is the first thing I hear once I am brought out of it. I can't move. I'm absolutely frozen in fear. Dean is leaning over me with his hands on my shoulders trying to wake me up. I am able to open my eyes and Dean releases the pressure on my shoulders and pulls me up putting his arms around me. "I was afraid you weren't going to wake up. You've been screaming for a few minutes now."

From behind Dean I see Sam and I am hit with the need to run. "Get the hell away from me! Dean keep him away from me! He's going to kill me!" I start to scream and try to push myself backwards in the bed. Dean refuses to let me budge though.

"Lara it was a dream. You remember where you are now right? We're in Sante Fe in a motel room. Cas is on the couch, Sam is the bed next to us, and we're safe in a bed ourselves. No one is going to hurt you." He said trying to sooth me while he strokes my head.

"You're wrong. Sam is going to slit my wrist and drain my dry." I can't seem to control my breathing and I can feel myself start to hyperventilate. He's in the room with me, he's the bed next to me and he's going to attack and he's going to rape me again.

"Sam leave." Dean says stoically. I flinch has Sam stands up from his bed and I hold my breath until he leaves the room. "Cas go with him make sure he's ok." Cas obediently follows Sam out the door. "Lara you can relax now. He's gone. Nothing is going to happen just relax."

Once he's gone I start to relax. I realize the pain searing my back and privates is starting to fade as I realize it was a dream and the pain was just a memory. I choke on a sob and wait for the fear to subside and reality to sink in. "I am Lara not six. I am out of the body farm. I am safe in a bed with Dean. Sam is not going to kill me. Cas is an angel and a friend." I mumble softly to myself trying to get a grasp on what is the present and what was the past.

After a few more minutes of confusion and repeating what is reality over and over again I start to calm down. Dean loosens his grip on me and I fall back into the bed and land on the pillows behind me. "Dean I am so sorry. I probably scared you and poor Sam."

Dean shakes his head and pushes some hair out of my eyes that had come out of my braid. "Don't apologize. You were having a nightmare. Don't worry about Sam. He made his choices in the past and he has to live with them now. Just try and relax." I close my eyes and focus on my breathing until I feel calm. When I am open them again Dean is still there and I am not afraid.

There is only one thing that is going to allow me to feel truly safe. I need to be able to take care of myself. "Dean I want to learn to hunt."

Dean looks shocked and starts to shake his head no. "Absolutely not Lara."

I start to sit and a get out of bed. "Well let's get a vote on it." I walk to door and open it and motion for Cas and Sam to come in. Sam refuses to look at me and Cas seems angry. "Guys I want a vote. I want to learn to hunt. What do you think?"

Sam looks up at Dean and darts his eyes to me and then back to Dean. "Yes, I think you should learn to protect yourself." Dean looks like he is going to punch him.

I look at Cas who shakes his head yes. "It's your choice Lara is that's what you want then I will support it."

Dean looks like he is going to explode with anger. "Sam shut the fuck up! And Cas what the hell do you know? I vote no and I trump you all! You can still live a life Lara why do you want to throw it away to hunt?"

"A life? Seriously? What kind of life can I hope to have Dean?" I yell at him. I am surprised at how easily I am displaying my displeasure but I don't care.

"You can go to school and a get a job if that's what you want. If you follow this path you will not be able to have a real life." Dean says pleading with me.

I let out an aggravated laugh. "Go to school? Get a job? Are you crazy? How would I get into a school? And say by some fluke you can actually pull that off and I can learn enough to be able to pass I wouldn't make it. I would be too scared. I don't feel safe. Are you going to come with me and give this up then? Cause the only time I feel safe is when you're with me." I can feel tears start to pool up behind my eyes and I try to fight them off.

Dean lets out a defeated sigh. "Lara this life isn't safe." He says sadly.

Now I have no control over my tears and they start to drop down my cheeks. "Safe Dean? What isn't safe is me not being trained. This is what happened without me being trained." I pull off Dean's shirt and pull down the pink pants I had on. "How many bullet holes can you count Dean?"

He looks at my body and meets my eyes. "I see two." I walk over to him and pull down the cup on my right breast. "You're wrong there are four." I point to the scar on the side of my breast. "This is number three." I grab his hand and pull it up to the left side of my scalp where I make him feel a scar. "That is number 4."

I stand back again. "How many knife wounds do you see Dean?" He walks around my body slowly counting. Cas and Sam are standing like statues watching this unfold. "I see 12."

I shake my head and let out a laugh. "You're missing a few Dean." I point out the stab wound on the inside of my leg and point to the stab wounds on my abdomen. "On my stomach where it looks like one big scar it's actually three Dean. This is what happens when I am not trained. With training I will be safe."

Dean lowers his head and pulls his hands up and drags them through his hair. Sam finally looks at me and I realize he has seen my back. "Lara what happened to your back?"

I look to Dean and he looks back at Sam and I can tell that Sam is putting it together. "I did that didn't I?" He asks sadly. He points to the scar on my collar bone and the one on the inside of my arm. "I did that too didn't I? 

Cas starts to radiate anger. I can feel it pouring off his body and Dean is getting almost as angry. "You forgot one Sam." Sam looks at him confused and I hold my breath knowing what he is going to say next. "Her stomach, those stab wounds are because of you. She was pregnant and a demon came into her cell and stabbed her."

Sam drops to his knees unable to support his own weight. He starts talking to us as much as himself. "She wasn't talking hypothetically was she? When Ruby asked me what I would do if we were going to have a baby she was asking me because we were."

Before I can answer him Cas is in front of Sam pulling him up by his t shirt. Cas pulls back his fist and pounds it into Sam's face. Sam falls to the ground and Cas straddles him and continues to pummel his face with fists. "You asshole! You desecrated her! I am going to fucking kill you!" He yells at Sam as his fist makes contact with his face over and over again.

Dean is frozen not sure what to do. I run over to Cas and grab his fist in mid punch. "Castiel stop it right now!" Cas makes eye contact with me and slowly starts to back away from Sam. I am able to visually check the damage and it's not good. I am pretty sure Sam's nose is broken, both eyes are beginning to swell, his cheek is cut open, and his lips are split. "Fix him Castiel."

Sam starts to shake his head no. He starts to cough and rolls over and spits out some blood. "No Cas don't fix me. I deserved it." Sam says through coughs.

I put Dean's shirt back on and try to steady myself. I am shaking like a leaf. Cas keeps his eyes on Sam. "You disgust me! She was a temple to God and now you have polluted her!" He spat out vehemently and Sam.

Despite his eyes starting to swell up I can see tears coming out of them. "Dean take Cas out of the room. Castiel you wait outside that door until I say so. Unlike Dean I can actually see every feather on your body and I will actually follow through on Dean's threat and pluck each one out if you so much as move a muscle. Dean take him out!" Dean begrudgingly takes Cas out of the room and they wait outside.

I go into the bathroom and wet a wash cloth and come back to Sam who propped up against the bed. He looks horrible. I start to blot the blood off his face. Through his tears he starts to speak. "Lara I am so sorry. I am a monster. I understand if you hate me. I will leave and never bother you again."

"Sam it was years ago and you were addicted to demon blood. If you had known I was in there would you have done the same thing?" Sam shakes his head no. "If you had known I was pregnant would you had let me go?"

Sam shakes his head no again. "If I had known that you were pregnant I would have killed every demon on earth and in hell to get you out of there." I believe him. I continue to clean his face. "I don't know what to say Lara. I was dumb. I was so stupid to trust her. I just couldn't help myself."

I shake my head in agreement. "It was because you were in love with her." Even through his battered face I can see the shock on it. "Don't forget she was wearing me Sam. That first night she came back to you after you two had made love and you thought she was asleep I heard you tell her you love her. She loved you too in her own sick twisted way. That night for just a moment she thought about abandoning Lilith's plan and running off with you. I tried to convince her to do it but she pushed me further and further into my mind until I shut up. Then again when she was taking me back to the body farm. She knew I was pregnant and she debated turning around and telling you and running off with you. I told her that she should. That if she did I would stay quiet and never bother her again. I thought if she ran away with you that maybe she would get you off the blood and that I would have a chance at a better life. Even if she was wearing me around I would have a chance to be a mother and maybe to not be used so much. But she decided against it and gave me back."

Sam lowers his head and I can see his tears mixing with his blood dripping off his face onto his shirt. I give him the towel to hold up to his nose until the bleeding stops. "Sam let him heal you."

Sam shakes his head no again. "Lara I don't deserve healing. Just allow me to wear my shame. You have to wear how weak and pathetic I was every day for the rest of your life. What are a few weeks?" I can tell he won't budge and that he is to emotionally traumatized to talk right now.

I stand up and walk to the door and let Dean and Cas back in. Once I close the door behind them Dean grabs me into a fierce hug and he rocks me slightly. "Lara if you want to learn you are right. You should be able to protect yourself." Dean whispers to me.

Dean looks over at Cas and Sam. "I will train you with guns and knives. Sam will train you on the research side of it like exorcisms and lore. Cas you are a warrior so you are going to train her in hand to hand. I am expecting since you are an angel to keep her from getting hurt. I swear if one hair on her head is hurt I will destroy you."

Cas clenches his jaw and shakes his head once affirmatively and looks angrily back at Sam. I push back from Dean and he keeps his arm around my shoulder and pulls into his side protectively. I never leaned on anyone before for anything and it feels good to know someone will be there to take care of me. I look at Cas who is fighting to regain control of his emotions. "Castiel what in the hell made you snap like that and beat the shit out of Sam?" I ask him.

He closes his eyes for a second and opens them again and focuses on me. "I will tell you, just not here and not now. When you get back to Bobby's call me and I will tell you everything." With a flutter of wings Cas disappeared.

"What the fuck!" Dean grunts. "Wouldn't want to be too cryptic now would we Cas." He mumbles to himself. I feel him look over at Sam. "You doing ok Sam?"

Sam winces and shakes his head yes. I bury my head in Dean's chest for a moment and take in a deep breath. He smells good. He smells like freedom. "Ok guys let's get ready and get back to Bobby's so we can find out what the hell pissed Cas off."


	14. Chapter 14

Sam's POV

I have never felt so horrible in my life. My face feels like I lost a fight to a meat grinder and I now remember what I did to Lara. Once I saw those scars it came back to me like a tidal wave. I remember the night I gave them to her and what's sick is that I remember liking it. I didn't know about the child though. If I had known that I got her pregnant I would never have let Ruby leave with her. I would have kept them safe.

Dean knocks on the door and comes back into the hotel room. "We got the car packed up. You ready to leave?" I shake my head and finish blotting the blood of my face and bring a towel that has ice in it with me to the car. Lara is standing at the back of the car leaning on the trunk. When I come out she runs over to me and checks my face again. I don't understand how she can be so gentle and kind to me after everything I have done.

"Take some of these Sam. It will help with the swelling and the pain." She puts some pills in my hand and I take them without asking what they are. I walk up to the car and see that she had put two pillows down in the backseat and even had a blanket folded up for me. "Once those pills hit your system you're going to be out for a while. Just take it easy. If you start to have a hard time breathing please tell us because I think your nose is broken."

I grunt and crawl into the backseat and put my head down on the pillow. Dean gets in to the driver's side and Lara slides into the passenger seat. When he turns on the car the music starts to blare out of the speakers and I wince. Lara quickly turns it down and gives Dean a stern look. Dean lets out a sigh and starts to drive. I can't believe she got him to keep the music off. He must have it worse than I thought. I knew it was bad when he sang karaoke with her. And I knew it was even more serious when he took her horseback riding. But letting her touch the dial on the volume Dean must be in love.

After we leave the city I can see Lara start to get fidgety. Dean finally looks over at her and asks. "What's wrong Lara?"

She wrings her hands together for a few moments and looks over at him. "Can you teach me how to drive?" Dean shakes his head yes. "Um Dean. How about today? I mean if I drive and you drive we can make it to Bobby's without having to stop over night and we can find out what Cas has to say faster."

I laugh to myself knowing that Dean is going to shut this idea down faster than the idea of her hunting. I don't even get to drive the car that often and I was raised in it! "Sure. Once we are out on the open road I'll let you take over the wheel. I just got to go over some things first." Holy Shit! He is going to let her drive his car. Oh yea he's a goner. Hook, line, and sinker. When we get back to Bobby's we better start picking out tuxes and planning the bachelor party.

I feel the drugs start to take affect and I get sleepy and dizzy all at once. I try to stay awake to hear all the ground rules that Dean is giving Lara but I can't help it. When I wake up it is dark out. I see that Dean is sleeping in the passenger seat and I jump up to see Lara driving the car. She looks back at me and hands me a bottle of water and a bag of chips. "We stopped a few hours ago but I didn't want to wake you up. You can take more pills now if you want."

I try to shake off the sleep and center in on the fact that she was the one driving. "How did you convince him to let you actually drive?"

Lara let out a laugh. "Sam you've been out for like 15 hours. Maybe those pills Dean gave me were stronger than I thought. Dean was exhausted and I had been driving for like 5 hours and he decided I was doing good enough to take nap. As long as I stay on the straight highway and wake him up before trying to pull over or anything."

I shake my head and go to rub my face but cringe when I my hand hits the first cut. I see Lara looking at me in the rear view mirror and she gives me a sad frown. "Sam, let Cas heal you."

"No Lara. I deserve this. It is fine. It will go away soon. Are we going to stop over sometime or are we going to keep driving."

"I am going to drive a bit longer then wake up Dean and switch seats. Take some pills and go back to bed. You need to rest and heal. Are you breathing alright?" She sounds genuinely concerned. How can she care about me? After everything I did to her?

"Yea I am fine." I take the next round of pills she gives me and lay back in the seat. She has the radio playing softly and I recognize the sounds of Rise Against. It may not be the classic rock that Dean's baby is used to but it's close enough. Lara doesn't look like a girl raised by demons right now. She smiling and swaying to the music. If you saw her right now you would assume she was just a normal girl.

When I wake up again the sun is beating down on my face and Lara is asleep in the passenger side this time. I get up slowly and see that Dean is driving and holding her hand. She starts to groan and Dean squeezes her hand and I see her face relax and her breathing return to normal.

"How far are we Dean?" I ask once I sit up straight.

Dean turns around and smiles at me. "Good morning Sammy! I was getting worried about you back there. You've been sleeping for almost 27 hours. Lara said you woke up in the night but she gave you more pills and you were out again. We're close to Bobby's and then we can find out what the hell crawled up Cas' ass and made him turn your face into hamburger meat."

I meet his stare in the rear view mirror. "Dean, can you forgive me for what I did?" Dean drops his smile and looks back at me again. "Sam it's not for me to forgive. But I think she has."

I drop the subject and stare out the window the rest of the way to Bobby's house. When we pull up I see Jody's car in the driveway. I hope nothing bad has happened while we were gone. Dean gives Lara a nudge and she wakes up quickly and she looks around for a minute until she realizes where she is.

We get out of the car and Dean opens the trunk and we all pick up a bag. I get up the stairs first and fling open the door. I see Bobby walking around in his boxers and when he sees me he turns bright red.

"Bobby honey lunch is almost ready in the…." Jody comes out of the kitchen wearing one of Bobby's flannel button up shirts and nothing else. "Oh Sam. How nice to see you. We weren't expecting you guys back for another day or so."

I drop my bag and head back out the door and stop Dean and Lara before they could enter the house. "Just give him a minute. Let's just say Bobby isn't descent." Dean looks over at Jody's car and back at the house and smiles wide.

A few minutes later Bobby, now fully dressed, comes out on to the porch. Dean slaps his back and starts to rile him up but Bobby shuts him up with a stern glance. "Well I guess the cat's out of the bag now. Jody and I have been seeing each other for awhile and I expect you two idjits to treat her kindly. This means no jokes." He walks over to Lara and gives her a hug. "I'm glad to see you are back in one piece. How did these two idjits do taking care of you?"

Lara laughs and assures him we did fine. He finally stops and stares at my face. "What the fuck happened to you? Did you lose a fight with a biker gang?"

I lower my eyes. "Cas did this."

"Cas did that? What the hell did you do to him?" I shrug my shoulders and look over at Lara. "I'm not sure Bobby were going to find out once we call Cas."

"Well you better call him then!"


	15. Chapter 15

Cas's POV

I don't know how I am going to explain all of this to them without Dean trying to kill me at least once. It was hard enough living with it when it happened but now to have to explain to her how we Angels, screw that how I failed her, it might be too much.

When I found out that Sam had touched her it was just too much for me to take. That was not the plan. She was never meant to be carrying the antichrist. The last time I saw her she was so innocent and perfect. I almost can't believe what those demons have done to her. When she allowed me to touch her to heal her I could feel the pain and the fear rolling of her into me. She has been abused in every way possible and it's my fault. I never should have relinquished my duties that night.

Finally, Dean is calling me. I show up in Bobby's living room and I see Sam standing by the doorway. His face looks horrible and for just a moment I feel guilty but then I look at Lara who is sitting on the couch next to Dean and I feel validated all over again. Bobby is standing up behind his normal chair and I see Jody sitting in it and Bobby's hands resting on her shoulder. I have been waiting a long time for them to get together.

Dean stands up and walks over to me. "Cas you better start explaining or I am going to have to punch you for hurting my brother."

I can tell Dean is serious and I let out a sigh. "It's a long story. You should take a seat next to Lara again." I look at Lara who seems nervous for what I am about to tell her. I knell down in front of her and grab her hands. "Lara you were a miracle." I can tell she is surprised and she looks at Dean nervously and he puts his arm around her shoulders and she looks back at me with her big blue eyes.

"Before you were born God asked Gabriel and I to make sure you were born. He needed a vessel for himself and for his son on earth. Gabriel's vessel at the time was a young devout woman. Her husband and she had been trying to have children for years but they just found out that her husband was sterile. Gabriel came to her and asked her if she would have a child for God and she agreed. Jimmy, my current vessel, was a teenager at the time and I came to him and asked him if he would be willing to father a child for God as well. He was scared but agreed to. He donated his sperm and Gabriel and I impregnated your mother, Betsy. It was very difficult and had to be exact. It needed to be a child of two vessels but there needed to be enough of an angelic essence still in the bodies for you to ever be able to contain God but not so much that you would be a nephilim."

I can sense Bobby starting to realize what I am talking about but Lara is still staring at me intently. "The day you were born there was much jubilation in heaven. God had a vessel on earth now and we had a mother for Christ to be reborn into for the apocalypse. It was a great honor to watch over and protect you. Gabriel, Michael, Raphael, Zachariah, I, and few others all watched over you in shifts. When you were about two years old Zachariah came to relieve me from my shift and I left. At the time I still trusted him. One of his lackeys relieved him the next day and after he did you were taken. At the time Zachariah said that a human broke into the house and killed your family and you and that the angel was in league with Lucifer and wanted to kill you. We tortured the angel and he admitted to everything. Now I believe that Zachariah arranged it that the demons would kill your family and they were suppose to kill you but they took you to the body farm instead. Without you God became angry at earth. He believed that humans had killed his vessel and he left allowing the angels to take over earth for him. The demons didn't know who you were or what you were meant to do. You thought you got there when we you were around four but they took you when you were two. Your currently 24."

I could sense that Bobby put it all together and he moved over to me. "Is she my niece Cas?"

Lara slowly turns her head and looks at Bobby. "Yes Bobby she is. Lara you were Bobby's wife, Karen's, sister's, Betsy, daughter."

Bobby leaves the room and comes back with a framed photo of Lara has a child, her mother Betsy, and her adoptive father Frank. "That is you Lara and that is your mother. I can see it now. Your eyes and your hair that is Jimmy but everything else is so Besty." Lara gingerly takes the photo and stares at it. I can tell she is overwhelmed and I can see the tears start to drip from her eyes onto the photograph. Dean pulls her into him and she puts her head on his chest.

"It's no accident that you were Karen and Bobby's niece Lara. When you were 10 your parents were going to die in car crash and Karen and Bobby were going to take you in."

Bobby grabs my arm and I look up at him. I stand up and face him. "How would we have taken her in when she was 10? Karen died before then."

I shake my head. "Bobby I am very sorry. If Lara hadn't been taken when Karen was possessed Lara would have seen the demon and taken an angel into her and exorcised the demon and Karen would be alive." Bobby looks like I slapped in and he starts to stumble backwards. Jody quickly stands up and helps him into his seat.

I look back at Lara who is still being held by Dean. "You would have grown up with Sam and Dean. Karen would have insisted that Sam move into the house when he was in middle school and you two would have grown up like siblings. Instead of sneaking off to college Karen and Bobby would have convinced John it was the right thing to do. Dean you would have stayed with your father and learned how to hunt."

Even through Sam's broken face I can see how much he wished that was true. "Lara, Karen and Bobby would have tried to keep the supernatural world from you as long as they could. One night when you were 15 Dean would show up to the house very injured. Bobby would be out and Karen would start to sew him back up. While Karen was working on Dean a shifter would burst through the house and Dean would yell for you to shoot it. You would pull the gun from Dean's holster and shoot the shifter and kill it. After that night you would be haunted by nightmares and Karen, Bobby, and Dean would decide to tell you everything. While Dean was recuperating from his injuries he would secretly teach you how to hunt until Bobby finds out. Bobby you would first kick Dean's ass then you both decide she can learn if she wants to."

"When John disappears it's Lara that goes with you to search for him Dean and not Sam until Sam calls you one night in hysterics over Jessica. After that you bring Lara back home and you and Sam start hunting together. After you sell your soul and you guys have to go the devils trap to keep the door to hell from opening you would call Bobby and Lara to come help. Lara you would be a really talented hunter and they all knew they would need you. After that night you stay with the boys and try to find a loop hole to Dean's deal."

This is where it is going to get hard. I take a deep breath and I start to pace. I can tell that Dean is starting to get irritated so I turn back towards them. "During that year that you are with the boys you and Dean kind of, well you guys.."

Dean lets out deep sigh. "spit it out Cas!" He yells at me.

"You guys fall in love." I see the shock appear on their faces and to my surprise Dean doesn't push Lara away. "Two nights before you're taken to hell you both would admit your feelings for each other." I can't get the image out of my head. Him promising her that he would be ok and they would find a way to kill Lilith and Lara begging him to let her go with him on that final mission. He slips out during the night but leaves his pendant necklace for her with a letter. He tells her how he wished he had realized sooner that he loved her and that if things had gone differently he could have died knowing that she was Mrs. Winchester but that he had to go and he wanted her to move on and be happy. But I can't tell them that. It was a different path that was robbed from them. "It would make it easier for Dean in hell. Because of you Lara he would never torture souls in hell. His memories of you would get him through it until I could rescue him."

Dean looks at her sadly and I can tell he's thinking about what he did in hell. Lara is just staring at her hands. I know she's listening but I worry it's too much for her. "After I pull him up Sam, Bobby, and Karen are worried to tell you at first. They aren't sure if it's him and you have been in such deep mourning they are afraid if it's not him you would kill yourself. You only wear black and you go on a supernatural killing spree that would rival Sam without his soul."

"Once they are sure he is Dean they would tell you and you guys would be reunited. Dean would quickly propose and you guys would get married." I wince for a moment waiting of Dean to erupt but he doesn't. "On your wedding night Gabriel would come to you both and ask Lara to give birth to the second coming of Christ before you two could consummate the marriage so it would a be a virgin birth. At first Dean is skeptical but then the Holy Spirit takes over Lara and they both convince Dean it would be alright."

Dean starts to shake his head no. "You want me to believe that I waited till the wedding night to have sex with her?" Bobby gets up and hits him upside the head. "What? It seems like a relevant question knowing me."

I smile and respond. "This is a different path Dean. You would be just as well, promiscuous as you are here but you love her on that path and you respect her and wait till your married. You eventually consummate the marriage and uou guys have 5 other kids after John is born. That is what you name him. Two sets of twins; Gabe and Cole are the oldest then Rick and Luke. Your youngest is a daughter, Daphne. "It hurts me to think of them. I can seem them so clearly in my mind. After I tell Lara and Dean who my vessel is to them they even allow me to be a part of the children's life on that path.

Lara looks like she is going to break at any moment. I think this was too much for her. I stop and wait to see how she reacts. She finally looks up at me and encourages me to continue. "Sam after they are married you kind of go off on your own and still end up with Ruby. You and Ruby have a child, the anti Christ. You both slowly open the 66 seals but Ruby tells you they are just steps to killing Lilith. When the boys are 20, you and Ruby open Lucifer's cage and the apocalypse begins. Sam you say yes to Lucifer to protect your son and Dean you say yes to Michael to protect your son. Dean, Michael and your son John win and heaven on earth begins and you would end your days with Lara and your children. Sam after you lose John would take pity on you and restore your soul and allow you to live with your family."

"This is why I was so angry at you Sam. She was meant to be a vessel for God and the Holy Spirit. She was meant to give birth to Christ and you got her pregnant with the anti Christ. It was an abomination."

Lara stands up and slaps me hard across the face. "Don't you dare talk about my child like that. That child was the one good thing to happen to me in the 22 years I was stuck in that prison. I will not let you tarnish his memory like that." She then runs out of the room and upstairs and I hear her bedroom door slam behind her.

Sam finds a spot on the couch and falls into and puts his head back on the seat and closes his eyes. Dean coughs and looks at me. "You mean to tell me that if she was never taken that day all of that is what would have happened. Karen would be alive, I would be married, the apocalypse would have happened, hell I'd have 6 kids?"

I shake my head. "Yes Dean everything would have been very different. All of this was never meant to happen. With her being taken God gave up on humans and earth. The apocalypse fell into the hands of the angels and the demons and everything changed." It all flashes before me and it hurts. How can I tell them how happy they are in that other existence? How Dean and Bobby open up a mechanic shop and Karen stays with Lara during the day to help with the kids and how in love Dean and Lara are.

"Shit." Is all Dean can manage to stay. He slowly stands up and rubs his face with his hands and looks around. "I am going to go check on her." And he quickly takes the stairs and I hear him knock on her bedroom door and enter.

"I am sorry to drop this on you guys. But Bobby and Sam you all need to know who she is so you can protect her. If the wrong demon or angel got their hands on her they could use her to do anything. She can hold almost anything in her. I've heard rumors that Crowley is trying to break into purgatory. He would need a powerful vessel to be able to hold all the souls that are in there and Lara could withstand it." I must leave now. I don't want to leave yet. What is left of the consciousness of my vessel wants to stay and take care of Lara, his daughter, but I can't. And I leave.


	16. Chapter 16

Dean's POV

Well that was a lot to take in. It's almost impossible to imagine that life after I've been living this one but I assume that Cas knows what he's talking about. It's hard to imagine me married and with kids no less but I guess if everything was different it could have happened.

I take the stairs two at a time trying to get to her room faster. She was pretty upset when she left. Cas isn't always the best with words. He still forgets how to talk to humans sometimes. I stop at her door and listen for a moment. I can't hear her crying but she normally doesn't cry loudly unless she's dreaming. I knock on the door and I hear her shift on the bed on the other side. She didn't tell me not to come in so I am going to assume I can. I turn the handle and walk inside shutting the door behind me.

She looks broken. Her eyes are filled with tears and they are falling down her cheeks. She doesn't acknowledge me being in the room and she continues to sit on her bed with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. "Lara?" I ask quietly. "Are you ok?"

She still doesn't move and I sit down on the bed across from her and lightly touch her hand. She finally looks up at me and it seems like the first time she notices that I have entered the room. She drops her legs and starts to wipe the tears off her face with the backs of her hands. "Lara are you ok?"

She starts to shake her head yes but then she breaks down again and whispers "no." I really don't know what to do. I usually run from moments like this and I hate when things get really emotional but I feel like I need to stay with her at least until she stops crying. "What's wrong?"

I move next to her and put my arms around her and pull her into me. "Everything Dean, just everything." I wait for her to elaborate. She'll speak when she's ready. "He called my child an abomination. That child was the only beautiful and good thing to happen to me the entire time I was there. I wouldn't have cared if he came out with hooves and horns he was mine, and I was going to protect and love him. I was even planning my escape once he was born. How can he say he was bad when the only time I smiled for 22 years was when I had him inside of me?"

I rest my chin on the top of her head and rub her back. "Cas doesn't always know how to put things. He hasn't been in human world that long and sometimes says things wrong. I don't think your child was evil or an abomination. How could he be? He was yours and you're good."I can feel her start to cry again as my shirt starts to get wet.

"And everything he said Dean. Because of me Bobby's wife dies, my parents die, you have to live with the memories of what you did in hell, and Sam's soul was actually stuck in the cage with Lucifer and Michael. All because of me."

I pull back quickly and grab her shoulders more roughly that I intended to and force her to look at me. "Don't you take that on yourself." I say sternly. "None of that was your fault. It was Zachariah. You were just another victim in his game to get power. Nothing that happened was your fault do you understand me?" I wait for her to nod and she tries to look away and I shake her slightly until she meets me stare again. "I made the choice to sell my soul and Sam made the choice to jump into the pit. None of those things were because of you."

I can tell from her eyes that she doesn't' believe me but she nods in agreement and that's good enough for now. I pull her back into a hug and kiss the top her head. "I know what will make you feel better. Let's go shoot some guns and drink some beer. Does that sound good?"

She nods and I get up and start to leave the room. "Meet my downstairs in 10. I'll get the guns ready. It will be your first lesson." And I walk back downstairs.

Bobby is talking to Jody quietly in the living room and Sam is sitting on the couch staring off into space. When I enter the room they all stare at me. "She's fine. Just a bit shaken up. We're going to go shooting for a bit to blow off some steam if any of you want to come." Bobby and Jody shake their head no and even if Sam wanted to I don't think he could open his eyes enough to aim the gun.

I go to the fridge and pull out a six pack and go to the trunk of my car and pull out a nice assortment of fire arms.

A few hours later

Wow I did not expect her to be such a good shot I think as we walk to Bobby's house in the dark. I pat her back. "Nice shooting . I did not expect you to be such a natural at it." I really didn't.

Lara let out a genuine laugh. "Dean I've had a lot of demons in me who like to shoot. I guess some of it wore off on me." She lets out a loud yawn. "Sorry I guess I'm pretty tired. We drove all night and after thing that happened today I guess I'm just worn out."

We walk back to the house and we drop the guns off on the table. I'll take care of them later. Right now I just want to take a shower and go to bed. Lara comes out of her room with a towel and pajamas. "Dean is it ok if jump in the shower real quick?"

"Yea not a problem. I am going to get something to eat. Sleep well." I reluctantly go downstairs and find Sam cleaning my guns on the table and Bobby and Jody making something in the kitchen. When I enter Bobby looks at me expectantly. "Well? How did she do?"

I laugh and open the fridge and pull out a beer. "She did great. She's a natural. She didn't miss one target." After about 15 minutes I hear the water turn off and her go back to her room. I say good night to Bobby, Jody, and Sam and take my turn in the shower.

When I head back to my room to go to bed I pop my head in to make sure that Lara is doing ok and I see that she is sound asleep curled up in a ball. I leave her door open a crack in case she wakes up in the middle of the night and go to my room and jump into bed. Sam isn't in bed yet but after sleeping 27 hours yesterday I doubt he'll be coming to bed anytime soon.

I thought I would have a hard time falling asleep after everything I found out today but I'm exhausted and I pass out before I know it.

_ This isn't like my normal dreams. I'm in a house, and a pretty nice house at that. I am standing in a kitchen and I can hear kids yelling happily in the yard behind me. I see a birthday cake sitting on the counter with the number 7 sticking out of it. I look at the fridge and see children's art pasted all over the front of it. I don't recognize where I am but it feels good. _

_ I hear the sliding door open next to me and I turn around to see Bobby coming through the door. "Lara sent me to see what is taking you so long with the cake." I look around confused and grab a pack of matches and pick up the cake and follow him out the door._

_ The back yard is decorated for a birthday. It has balloons and one of those blow up castles. There is a swing set with kids crawling all over it. Once I put the cake down a pair of dark haired boys grab on to my legs and refuse to let go. I try to shake them off but something inside of me tell me not too. I look down amd they look back up at me with my eyes. Holy shit! Are those my kids. "DADDY DADDY! You said you'd play with us. Come on!" They yell as the pull on my jeans._

_ Daddy? What the hell. Where am I? I lean down and pat their heads. "In a few minutes Rick and Luke. John needs to blow out his candles and we got to sing to him ok?" How do I know their names? They let go of me and go running off shrieking with joy. _

_ I scan the yard and I see Bobby playing with Gabe and Karen cleaning a cut on Cole's leg. How do I know who everyone is? Cas is sitting on the table having a quiet conversation with John. I continue to scan the yard and my eyes focus on Lara. Her back is to me and she's wearing a light pink sun dress. At first I don't notice it but her back doesn't have any scars. When she turns around I feel like the air is being kicked out of my chest. She is smiling and is so happy and she has a baby girl bouncing on her hip. She glides over to me and kisses my cheek. "You got the cake set up? I'll call everyone over and we can sing to him and then you can cut the cake."_

_ I'm in shock. This isn't real. This is what Cas was telling us about earlier but it feels so real. I can feel the sun on my face, I can feel where Lara kissed me, I could even feel my sons pulling on my pants. God, my sons. Before Lara can walk away I grab her arm and pull her for a real kiss like I wish I could do out of the dream. I brush my lips over hers and when she doesn't seem to recoil I kiss them again. She allows me to deepen the kiss and she parts her lips for my tongue. When I pull away reluctantly she smiles and buries her head into my chest. "Isn't 6 kids enough for you Mr. Winchester." She jokes into my chest._

_ I put my arms around her and kiss the top of my baby girls head. "Not by a long shot Mrs. Winchester." She pulls away laughing and hands me our daughter and turns around to go light the candle on the birthday cake. Daphne looks at me and starts to giggle and kick her legs. I pull her in tighter and close my eyes while I rock her. I put my finger near her hand and she latches on with her little fingers. So this is what my life was supposed to be. _

I wake up with a jolt and I can feel tears on my face. Pull yourself together Dean, you don't cry. God but that was so beautiful. I could see them, my kids, my family. I need to be with her right now. I know that the life I just saw isn't real but I need to see her and to hold her if only for a minute. I quietly get out of bed and notice that Sam is sleeping in his.

The floor boards creek and I slip down the hallway and turn into Lara's room. She looks peaceful for the first time since I have seen her sleep. She even has a slight smile on her face. I can't bother her no matter how much I need to hold her right now. I turn around and head down the stairs to watch some TV until morning.

Lara's POV

Today was rough. I can't even being to grasp the entirety of what Cas told me. I can't imagine myself has a wife and a mother. I feel guilty too. Because I was taken everyone else's life had a turn for the worse. Bobby lost his wife, Sam had to leave his family to go to school, Dean tortured souls in hell, and that doesn't even begin to count all the people my body has hurt while my soul helplessly watched on. I'm just so exhausted but I'm terrified to sleep tonight. I am back in my own bed and alone. Without Dean to nudge me before my dream gets to horrible I will have to go through it and hope he hears me screaming, but I am just so tired.

_Where am I? This isn't a home I remember from any of my missions. This place doesn't feel like it has a witnessed a crime recently it feels peaceful. I notice there is a glass of water in my hands and I put it down on the counter. I look around the kitchen and see children's artwork plastered on the fridge. It is night time but I feel safe._

_ I look down at my hands that are now rubbing my stomach. Holy shit I'm pregnant! I'm wearing a silk robe and an old grey t-shirt and it's pulled over my stomach. As I am rubbing my belly I feel the baby inside of me kick. How am I actually feeling this? It feels so real. I slowly look around and walk into the living room. I remember now. I came down to look for a stuffed bear for Cole so he can go back to sleep. How do I know this?_

_ I pick up the well loved bear and start to walk up the stairs. Lining the stairs are family photos. There is a photograph of the twins Rick and Luke and another one of Cole and Gabe. Further up there is a family photo of Dean, John, both sets of twins, and myself. At the top of the stairs there is a wedding photo of Dean and me. This isn't real. I don't have dreams like this. My dreams are usually haunted with what I did in the past. Not some kind of fantasy world where I am married and have children._

_ I'm not sure how I know where I am going but at the top of the stairs I go straight ahead and stop at the door at the end of the hall. I open it and see that Gabe is sound asleep on his top bunk but that Cole is patiently waiting for me to bring him his bear. "Mommy did you find him?" He asks with tears in his eyes. I sit down on the bed next to him and put his bear in his outstretched arms and kiss his forehead. I hate to see him cry it feels like someone just punched me in the stomach._

_ "He's right here sweet heart. Now lay down and get some sleep." I tuck in my four year old and kiss him once again and stand up. I look at Gabe and give him a kiss to. I turn off the lamp next to their bed and make sure their night light is on. "Sleep well my babies. I love you."_

_ I leave the door slightly ajar and stop at the room next it and check on Rick and Luke. They are both sound asleep in their twin beds. Their only two but they are quite a handful. I go in and put Rick's octopus back in his arms and Luke's GI Joe figurine in his. I kiss them both and I make one more stop and check on John. He's 6 but he has an old soul. I shouldn't be surprised since God asked me to carry his son so he could come back to earth but sometimes I worry for what the future will bring for my baby. I walk into the room and kiss his forehead and pull the covers back up to his chin and leave his room._

_ Again I don't know how I know where I am going but I go into the door at the other end of the hall. I'm shocked to see Dean sitting up in bed reading Popular Mechanic. He's shirtless and I can see his tattoo on his upper chest. I look around frantically for a moment but I somehow start to recognize the room. On the dresser there are photos of us, a photo of me and John that he put in a popsicle stick frame he made at school, and a bottle of my perfume. On my side of the bed is a shot from our honeymoon. We went to Paris. I remember now that he was terrified to fly and we had to drug him going and coming back. He hated to travel but he knew I had always wanted to go so he went anyways. The picture was taken on our last day there when we had dinner in the Eiffel Tower. When we came back he pretended that he didn't like the food but while we were there he sure had no problem shoveling it down._

_ Dean looks up at me and smiles and puts the magazine down on the floor beside him. "Did you find Captain Fuzzy? I was worried we were headed for a melt down there for a minute."_

_ "Yes, he was downstairs on the couch. He must have left him there when he went up to brush his teeth." I go into the bathroom and I know where all of my creams and lotions are and I begin my nighttime ritual. I wash my face and put on my face moisturizer and hand lotion. How is all of this familiar? I have never been here before and this isn't my life. I pick up the jar of coco butter and start to rub it on my stomach. Wait a minute, where is my scar? It's not here, but there's another one that goes across my stomach. I remember this now. I had to get a C-section with Rick and Luke. I quickly turn around and take off my robe and lift up my shirt. My scars on my back are gone but I have a tattoo on my lower back. I got it when I was 17 and Dean took me. Uncle Bobby finally agreed I could get it so I wouldn't get possessed but he couldn't see me in pain at the tattoo parlor. Dean laughed at me the entire way there because I was going to get a tramp stamp. I had my first shot of whiskey that night when he let me have two shots before going into the shop. Why does this feel so real? _

_ "Come to bed sweet heart I'm exhausted." I hear Dean moan in the bedroom as he turns off the light. I look at myself in the mirror and smile and turn off the bathroom light and crawl into bed. Once I lay down he reaches over for me and pulls me into his side and kisses my neck. "How is the baby doing love?" _

_ I smile and bring his hand to my womb. I can feel her start to kick once his hand touches my stomach. "She's fine. She's been kicking a lot tonight. She's getting antsy to come out and meet her daddy."_

_ Dean continues to kiss my neck. "Well we only have 2 more months." He whispers into my ear as he pulls me closer and puts me under him. _

_ I start to giggle as he continues to kiss me. "Dean how could you possibly want me right now. I'm huge!" He starts to kiss my chest and pull of my t-shirt n and he looks up at me with a crocked grin. "I always want you sweet heart."_

I wake up and sit straight up in bed. What the fuck was that? I pinch myself just to make sure I am awake. Was that a dream? It had to of been because it wasn't a memory. I usually only dream nightmares well memories really of things I have done. That wasn't anything I have done so why was I dreaming about it?

It is actually worse than a nightmare I realize. It was the life I was meant to have. God dammit Cas! How dare you put those ideas into my head! That is a life I can't have not after what I've done. I can feel a sob start to boil through me. I could actually see my children and touch them. They felt so real. I feel the tears start to come down my face. I saw my children. Well the children I was suppose to have.

I can't stay in this room anymore. I need to get outside. I throw the covers off and put a pair of jeans on and throw a sweat shirt on over my tank top and grab a pair of sneakers. I quietly leave my room and wince at the creaking sound I make as I take the stairs.

Once I'm downstairs I head into the living room to put on my sneakers and I'm shocked to see Dean sitting on the couch watching TV. His head whips around at the sound of me coming down the stairs I know he see's I have been crying. He jumps of the couch and runs over to me. He looks like he did in my dream, wearing just a pair of flannel sleeping pants and no shirt. "What's wrong Lara?"

I shake my head. "Nothing. I just had a dream. I need to go outside I need air." I want to see the stars and the moon and feel the air on my skin. Dean runs upstairs and comes back down in a minute dressed and takes me outside.

We walk around the junk yard for a bit and I finally stop and sit down on a backseat long removed from a car. I sit my head back and look up at the stars and try to forget what I had seen in my dream. Dean sits down next to me and grabs my hand. "Was it bad tonight?"

I shake my head no. How can I tell him it was the best dream I had ever had? But because it was so wonderful it is breaking my heart to have to think of it. "I just need to clear my head and forget about it." He drops my hand and puts his arm around my shoulders and I allow my head to drop on his shoulder.

I want to kiss him. I don't think it's just because of the dream. I honestly want to kiss him. But I can't. I've never wanted to kiss a man before. Not after my past. After all the people I have killed and the souls I have helped steal I can't possibly kiss him and pretend that there is a future there. There isn't a happy future for people like me. I need to forget that dream because it is never going to happen.

"Hey Dean, can we shoot some stuff today?" He laughs and shakes his head yes.


	17. Chapter 17

Bobby's POV

I am going to have to start sleeping over at Jody's. I have no idea how she sleeps through this. Dean just cried out in his sleep like an hour ago and now Lara is up there screaming her head off. I just want the night off. I've had to wake her up every night this week and Sam has had to wake Dean up at least 3 nights this week. I throw the covers off and look around for a pair of jeans and stomp out of my door.

Sam told me that they both sleep soundly when they go on their hunting trips. She's been training for about a month now and she's good. She is a great shot with any gun we give her, she already knew all the exorcisms, and she can see Angels and Demons so that's a really handy thing. Dean has only let her go on a few easy hunts. Just a few salt and burns nothing really dangerous… yet.

As I take the final stair I see Sam standing outside of his door looking down the hallway at me. "Bobby this is getting ridiculous. They are so tired they don't even hear each other anymore."

I shake my head in agreement. "Sam follow me." I continue down the hallway and push her door the rest of the way open. She's trashing around her bed and I can see her face contorting in pain. It breaks my heart to see her like this. Now that I know who she is I know it's my duty to protect her now, for Karen. Karen loved her so much. We were at the hospital the night she was born and she was the most amazing this I have ever seen. When she opened her eyes and looked at me I knew I would die for her. I lean down and pick her up and she stops trashing and buries her head in my chest. "Sam you stay here." Sam gives me a confused look but he doesn't try to follow be back down the hallway.

I can hear her start to mumble and I think I make out the name Dean but I'm not really sure. I come into Dean and Sam's room and I'm thankful to find Dean pressed up against the wall on his bed. I'll figure the rest out tomorrow but I need to sleep. I haven't slept a full night since they came back. I lay her down in Dean's bed and pull the blanket off of Sam's and put it around her. She instinctively rolls over and curls up into Dean. I don't know If I should be happy or worried they are getting along so well.

Well at any rate this should be a very happy morning for him. The boy has gone moon faced over her since she got here. I leave the room and shut the door and head back to Sam. "Sleep in here tonight Sam. I put her in Dean's bed and we'll figure it all out in the morning. You said they sleep decent on the road so let's hope they can sleep decent here too."

Sam shakes his head and plops down into her bed and I think he's asleep before I turn around. He's just as exhausted as I am. His face is starting to look a lot better. Where his cheek was cut open is still a little pink but besides that you couldn't tell an Angel kicked his ass. I know I should probably kick Cas' ass for hurting my boy like that but I can understand why he did it. Now that I know she's my niece hell I might have given him a good punch for what he did to her. But I can tell that Sam feels horrible about it. He hardly makes eye contact with her and he's ridiculously polite to her.

I head back down the stairs and back into my room. I take off my jeans and crawl back into bed. I guess I was wrong and Jody didn't sleep through it like I thought. "Is she ok Bobby?"

I put my arm out and pull her over to my chest and kiss her forehead. "Yea I think so. I moved her into Dean's room. I need a good night's sleep. I don't know how you stand it here sometimes."

She laughs and pushes herself up to give me a kiss. "Cause you're here silly. I know you worry about her but she'll be fine. She's a tough girl and she has three tough men who have her back. Have you talked to Dean about what Castiel told you guys?"

"No, and I probably won't. Even if I did he would just laugh it off and make some snide comment to me." I've been a bit of shock since Cas told us about Lara. I can't imagine what they are both going through knowing that were suppose to have some apple pie life but you got to live with what your dealt and we were all dealt a lot of shit cards.

"You're good with her Bobby. She knows you love her and she needs that after what she's been through. Just keep doing what you're doing and things will get better soon." I smile and kiss the top of her head again and we go back to a hopefully uninterrupted sleep.

Dean POV

Last night was not a good night. I had so many nightmares. Sleeping with her on our trips has started to make me weak. I got used to someone waking me up and I let my guard down too much and they keep assaulting me in my sleep.

Did my bed get smaller in the night? I roll over and I'm shocked to see a mop of brown hair nuzzled into my side. How did she get into my bed? I don't remember her coming in here last night. I look over at Sam's empty bed and I slowly get up trying not to jostle her too much. My clock says 10 am. God I hope this isn't one of those dreams again. I scan the room and everything looks like Bobby's house. I let out a sigh of relief. Those dreams are getting harder and harder to get over. It is one thing seeing what I did in hell it's another seeing what could have been if Zachariah hadn't fucked everything up. She's so happy in those dreams. She never cries and she's always laughing and smiling. Not like it is here. The children are so amazing too. Rick and Luke have my eyes and their mother's dark hair and Cole and Gabe have their mother's eyes and my hair. They are always getting into mischief. John is always so serious but when he smiles his eyes light up. Daphne is wild and has blonde hair like my mom and Lara's mom. I don't know how that happened but we were all pretty shocked to see her blonde hair sprout out. Stop it Dean! You need to stop thinking about them like they are real. They aren't. Just because you dream about them doesn't mean they are real.

Lara starts to move and I see her eyes slowly start to open. She smiles at me then realizes that she's not in her bed. She sits up and looks around. "How did I get in here?"

I move to the end of the bed and get up and start to put a t shirt on. "I thought you came in during the night. I'm not sure how you got here." She looks around for a moment for a clue as to why she was in my bed and seemed to give up and she stood up stretched. Whatever got her into my bed I'm glad they did it when she was only wearing a t shirt. "I'm gonna head downstairs. I think Cas said he was going to come today to try and teach you some stuff."

Lara shakes her head and fumbles around the room for a minute and heads down the hall to the bathroom. I jump down the steps and find Sam and Bobby all sitting at the table eating breakfast. Jody must have left for work already. I sit down at the table and drink the orange juice straight from the carton and pop one of Lara's muffins in my mouth.

Bobby keeps giving me a shit eating grin and I try to ignore him. After I finish my muffin I finally look at him and he busts out laughing. "How was your night Romeo?"

I stare at him and look at Sam. "What did you guys do?"

Bobby lets out another laugh. "You two were driving us all nuts. Sam said you guys slept ok together on the road so I moved her into your room last night so all of us could get some sleep! It seems that it worked cause you both slept till 10 and the rest of us got some rest too."

I scowl at him and eat another muffin. I don't make that much noise at night. The old man is just getting senile. Lara comes bounding down the steps and dances into the kitchen and sits down next to me and starts to pick at a muffin. "So Bobby put you in my bed last night to shut us up."

Lara nearly spits out her muffin and starts to laugh and jokingly punches Bobby in the arm. "Awww were you in need of some beauty sleep?" She kept laughing and finished her muffin.

After breakfast Bobby's cell phone starts to ring and he gets up from the table to answer it. It has to be Jody because he starts to blush every time she calls. When he hangs up he grabs the keys to one of his trucks and asks Sam to go with him and they leave.

Lara smiles at me and grabs my hand. "I suppose their right. No one was getting any sleep. I do sleep better with you. For some reason you can tell when I'm about to go somewhere dark and you wake me out of it."

I smile back at her and take my glass to the sink. "Yea, I sleep pretty well with you too." You wake me before they get dark too, but I don't say it. "So want to work on knives today? They seem to be giving you the most difficult time."

I hear her grunt and I smile. She may be able to shoot better than anyone I have ever meet but the girl sucks with knives. We both go up and change and we meet back outside in Bobby's junk yard. She comes out wearing tight black yoga pants and a blue athletic tank top. Sometimes I wish she would wear a burlap bag so I could just focus on training her. I throw her a knife and I grab mine.

Every time I come near her she winces and shuts her eyes. "Lara you can't shut your eyes. If I was an actual enemy I would be able to easily kill you. You need to be able to fight with knives in case your gun runs out of bullets."

She sets her jaw and tries again. I easily disarm her. I pick her knife off the ground and give it back to her. "I'm sorry Dean. I just don't like knives. Can I try with something longer like a sword or something?"

I laugh so hard I keel over for a moment. "Lara you shot off a barret m52 and a magnum yesterday and you're scared of a knife. I'll check the trunk and the house. I feel like I have a samurai sword around here somewhere." I laugh myself inside and look around Bobby's supply closet and come across two swords. These should do.

I got back outside and throw one to Lara. "We can try with these but to be honest I'm not great with swords. Cas will be better at this." She picks up the swords and swings it around experimentally for a moment and takes a battle stance.

We spar for a bit and she seems to be doing better with the sword then with the knives. "Lara we got to wait for Cas. I'm better with knives and guns this is a little out of my league. I get lucky a few times but let's be honest I kind of suck at it. Let's practice throwing again."

Lara clenches her jaw again and picks up a handful of knives and goes over to the porch. We have been practicing throwing them into the beam on the porch. She tries to throw them but they keep missing. I go and pick them up and bring them back to her.

"Ok let me help you ok." I stand behind her and fix her stance. I put the knife in her right hand and close over her hand with mine. I pull it back and extend it forward and she lets go and it sticks in the beam.

I can see the side of her face and she smiles. She turns her head around and for a moment and I think our lips might touch but I hear Bobby's truck coming up the drive way and I pull away quickly. "I hit it Dean. We'll have to practice some more later."

"Yea, we'll do that." I say disgruntled. Dammit Bobby! Did you need to show up right now? Bobby stops the truck in front of the door and him and Sam jump out of the truck and head to the back. "What you get Bobby?"

Sam smiles at me and he lowers the back of the truck. "Jody called and said that if I was going to move Lara into your bed that a twin wasn't going to cut it. She found a double bed on craigslist and insisted that I go pick it up for you idjit. Now give me a hand with this. We'll put the old beds in the storage shed out back."

"You got us a bed?" I ask in shock. Bobby laughs at me and pats my back. Lara comes up behind me and takes a look in the back of the truck and she gets a bit pale. "What's wrong?" I ask her.

"Nothing. I'm just a bit surprised that's all." She turns around and heads into the house and I follow her upstairs. She heads into my room and I find her folding the blankets and the sheets up off the twin beds.

"What's wrong Lara? I can tell something is up."

She blushes and puts down the blanket. "Are you mad? I know this is your room with Sam and you didn't invite me in here, Bobby did. I've already taken over the rest of your life. I think Bobby will understand if you tell him no." She looks genuinely concerned.

I walk over to her and pull her down to sit down next to me on the bed. "Lara you haven't taken over my life. I want you to move in her with me. You're a hell of a lot better to look at then Sam in the morning and you don't snore."

I get a laugh out of her and know she's better. "We'll try it out but if you want me to go back to my room and bring Sam back in that's fine too. Do you have any drawer and closet space in here anyways for my stuff?" She adds with a laugh.

"Once we get Sammy's stuff out of here we should manage."

We all spend the rest of the early afternoon getting the twins bed out of the room and setting up the double bed. Sam then moved his stuff out of the room and Lara moved her stuff in. I saw Lara ask Sam if he was ok with moving out. He laughed at her and replied. "Are you kidding me? I haven't had my own room since I was a baby! This is awesome!" Thanks Sammy glad you'll miss me too.

In the late afternoon Jody comes home and takes Lara out to go shopping for bedding. I was nervous she wouldn't feel safe going out with Jody alone but she straps a gun on a heads out with her. She's becoming a lot less nervous and more sure of herself lately.

Before dinner Jody and Lara come barreling through the front door laughing and carrying bags with them. They drop them on the floor near the front door and Jody comes in and gives Bobby a big kiss. "Sorry we got a little carried away. She had never been to a bed bath and beyond before and she found some cooking utensils she wanted too. I also let her pick out some new curtains and a lamp for the room."

Bobby just smiled and shook his head. That boy is whipped! Lara nudges me and hands me a few bags to take upstairs. I begrudgingly help her carry all of the new bedroom stuff she got upstairs. "Sorry Dean. Like she said we got a bit carried away. I have never been in a store like that before and all the colors and textures kind of overwhelmed me, but I did get some new pie pans to try out tonight."

I watch her start to take the stuff out of the bag and wonder to myself why I'm kind of enjoying this. This kind of shit usually sends me for the hills but she looks so happy pulling everything out of the bags she looks happy like she does in my dreams sometimes.

She pulls out a bag of crisp white sheets and starts to take them out of the plastic. "I always wanted white sheets. One of the missions I went on we went into a neighborhood where a mom was putting white sheets up on the drying line. They just looked so clean and fresh and new unlike how I felt. Jody said I need to wash them before we put them on the bed so I'm going to take them downstairs."

She heads downstairs and I take the lamp out of the box she had picked out. It's probably for the best because the lamp in this room has been broken since Sammy threw it at me when we had a fight when he was 10. It's not a frilly lamp so it will do. I pull the square shade out of the bag as well and plug it in and put it on the night stand on her side of the bed. I always sleep on the left near the door so she is just going to have to like the right side.

Bobby quietly enters the room while she is gone and hands me the framed photograph of Lara with her parents and another one of Lara and Karen on a swing. "I thought she might like these. Just put them up on her side." And he quickly shrinks out.

I hear her coming up the stairs and she comes back in and starts to pull more stuff out. She pulls out a steely grey silk blanket with lighter grey squares on it. It's not ridiculously feminine and to be honest I don't mind it that much. She looks over at her nightstand and lets out a little shriek and covers her mouth with her hands. I can see the tears start to well up in her eyes and I quickly come up behind and in keeping her back to me I put my arms around her. "Bobby thought you would like them. If It's too much right now I can give them back to him." I whisper into her left ear.

She may be crying but she is also smiling. She grabs the one of her and her parents and brings it to her chest. "No Dean, they are perfect right here." It reminded me of the nightstands in my dreams where Lara cluttered family pictures on them so I shouldn't be surprised she'd want to do it here.

"I'm going to head downstairs and check on dinner. Come down when you're done." I say sadly letting her go.

Lara smiles at me and continues to hold the photo to her chest. I run into Cas on the landing. "A little warning would be nice Cas."

He gives me his normal blank look. "I just wanted to see how she is doing. I am going to come by tomorrow and work on some things with her. I know I was suppose to come by today but I got distracted."

"Ok that's fine. She's doing good. You're going to need to teach her how to fight with a sword. She doesn't' like knives and I don't have the skill set you do in that."

Cas gives me a nod and disappears again. I hate how he does that! He's been nervous coming around lately. I think he feels bad for beating the shit out of Sam and I think he's shy around Lara now that she knows his vessel is her birth father.

At the end of the night Sam heads off to his new room and Jody and Bobby head back to Bobby's room. Lara and I are left sitting on the couch watching a movie. She keeps nodding off so I know it's time for bed but I'm a bit nervous to go. It's our room now and that's well kind of a big step for me. I already have a hard enough time keeping my hands and thoughts to myself with her and now I am going to be sharing a room with her. This isn't a great idea.

I put down the empty pie pan and I shake her awake. She yawns loudly and wraps the blanket around her shoulders and follows me upstairs. I turn the corner to our room and do a double take because I don't recognize it. The grey comforter is on the bed and there is half a dozen pillows piled up in front of the head board in different colors and shapes. She even put matching curtains up above the window and hung a mirror on the wall above the dresser. She repositioned the framed photos on her nightstand and apparently asked Bobby for a photograph for my side as well. She put a photograph of me with Sam when he was about three and we were playing with Bobby's cars. It's not just like the one in my dream but it feels like it. "Dean, I'm sorry, it's too much. I'll take it back tomorrow." She said anxiously.

I turn around and look at her and shake my head no. "No, it's really nice Lara. I was just surprised that's all." I wasn't going to take this away from her. She had never decorated a bedroom before. Most teenage girls get to plaster their bedrooms in magazine cutouts and pink. She never got that so I am going to make sure she keeps this.

She relaxes and lets out a breath she was holding. She jumps into her side of the bed and puts the extra pillow down on the floor on her side and turns out the lamp. "Night Dean, I'll wake you up if need me too."

"I'll do the same." I start on my side of the bed but before I fall asleep I find my arms wrapped around her and her hair in my face. This is worth decorated bedroom.

I know it's a bit fluffy and I'm sorry but it's setting up other stuff.


	18. Chapter 18

Lara's POV

Ouch! That really hurt. I have been practicing swords with Casitel for three weeks now and he keeps kicking my butt. I much prefer guns but Dean said "You have to be able to fight with anything around you in case you are stuck in a jam." I've practiced with pipes, glass bottles, chairs, hell stones but I'm just far better with the guns. Sam and Dean have practiced hand to hand fighting with me and I'm really not that bad at it. I even bested them a few times, much to their surprise. I just can't get a grasp around the knives. I think they scare me because every time I see them it reminds me of when that demon stabbed my stomach and killed my baby.

Cas lowers his hand and helps me back to my feet. Every time I'm done with him I'm covered in bruises and my muscles are sore. He heals the bruises so that Dean doesn't kill him but keeps the muscle pain. He claims it will help me tone up and get used to it. "You're doing better Lara. We just have to keep at it."

I stumble over to the porch and take a deep swig of my water bottle. "If you say so. I feel like I am getting worse."

Cas laughs at me and throws me a towel. "You've only been at it for three weeks. I have studied sword play the last 2,000 years. You're expecting too much too soon."

This time it's my turn to laugh. "Cas I'm mortal. I don't have 2,000 years! Dean won't let me go on a real hunt until he is convinced I won't get myself killed, which won't happen until I am deemed proficient in sharp objects it appears."

Cas comes to the stairs and sits down next to me. He seems so human out of his trench coat and suit. When he trains with me he just wears sweat pants, sneakers, and a t-shirt. "Lara I want to go over something else with you. You were meant to be God's vessel on earth. He is the most powerful being so anything less than him you should be able to fight for control of your mind and body over. With practice you should be able to overpower any unwanted being from controlling you. You won't be able to exorcise them completely but you will regain control of your body."

I never thought about that before. When the demons were in me I felt so powerless and they would push me further and further into the recesses of my mind. If I could regain control then even if I did get possessed again I could get my body back. "Ok, how do we do this?"

Cas stands up and motions for me to follow him. I follow him upstairs into my room, well Dean's and my room, at the top of the stairs. "We are going to start easy and without distractions. Shut the door behind you and sit down on the floor. My vessel isn't alive anymore and I will need to lay it down on the bed before I leave it."

I sit down on the floor nervously and wait for Cas to lay my father's body on the bed. "Lara will you allow me to possess your body?"

It scares me. I never wanted my body invaded again but I have to if I want to learn how to fight it. I nervously whisper. "Yes Cas, you can use my body as your vessel." I see Cas' essence slip from Jimmy's body and I feel a bright peaceful energy take over mine and I lose consciousness.

When I come too I'm laying on a wooden floor. This isn't the usual cell I am trapped in when I am stuck in my mind. I am usually stuck in cell six. This is my house from my dreams. It doesn't have any furniture but I recognize it. I can feel Cas in me and I can see through my eyes but through Cas' lens. I feel him digging through my thoughts and memories to find me. When he does he pushes me back. "Lara I didn't realize that what I told you about your other path would haunt you so much. Do you want me to take it from your mind?"

I panic. He wants to take my children away from me; he wants to take my husband from me. "NO!" I scream out. "I mean please don't. It's the only good thing I get to dream about. Please keep it."

I can feel Cas' sadness radiate over me. "I am sorry Lara. I did not tell you those things to hurt you. I only wanted you to understand you intended purpose. Does Dean know you dream about him and the children?"

I can feel tears well up in my eyes and I quickly push them away. "No he doesn't. And I don't want him to know either. He would feel guilty about it and there is nothing he can do. Now please let's continue with the lesson." I can't let him know how I feel about him. He would feel even guiltier about that. I don't know what would be worse. Him laughing at me or him trying to put me down easy and tell me he's flattered but he's just not interested.

"Ok I am going to first push your mind around you and the house you are in will shrink. You need to fight me for the space and push it back out to the original house in your head." As soon as he is done the walls in the house start to collapse and the home starts to shrink around me until there is only enough room for me to stand in. "Fight me for space Lara! This is your mind!"

I concentrate and I start to push back. It hurts to push but I think about expanding my house. I close my eyes and push the house back with all my will. When I open them the home is intact again. "Very good Lara. You fought well. Now try to get out of the house and regain control of your body. I will not fight you this time so you can get a feel for it. Find the door to your mind."

I try the front door and when it opens it is blocked. This can't be the door he was talking about. I don't feel him pushing into my space. I search the first floor of the house and realize that it must be in the basement. I find a door in the basement that opens out instead of in. I try to push it and at first nothing happen. I keep pushing it and it barely budges. I keep pushing at the door and the pain is immense. I can feel every muscle in my body start to burn. Through Cas I can tell that my nose is starting to bleed from the stress inside my head. Through Cas I can hear the bedroom door open and I hear a voice. "What the fuck is going on in here Cas?" I hear Dean yell.

I push against the door harder and harder until it starts to open inch by inch. The pain is incredible but I have to get out. I have to regain control. Through Cas' senses I can feel the blood dripping down my nose under my chin and onto my shirt I can even taste it in my mouth. I can sense Dean knelling next to my body and I feel him lay me down into his lap as my eyes roll back into my head. I have to push him out. I keep pushing the door and finally it releases and I am back in control of my body. "Very good Lara! If we keep practicing you will someday be able to do that without so much force." And I feel Cas leave my body. Then it all goes black.

"Lara wake up!" I feel a hand tapping on my check. "Lara wake up!" I feel water being poured on my face and I slowly open my eyes and focus on Dean. He looks scared. His green eyes are ablaze and he's about to throw more water on my face. Once he see's my eyes are open he puts down the cup and pulls me into a hug. "You scared me! What the hell was going on in here?"

I look up at the bed and I see Cas has reunited with Jimmy and his body is slowly sitting up. "Cas was teaching me how to resist a possession. I regained control of my body Dean. I overpowered him." I proclaimed proudly

Dean let out a growl and pulled me back to take a look at my face. He takes off his shirt and dips it in the cup that he was pouring on my face and wipes the blood of my face and chin. "You looked like you were going to die Lara. You were bleeding from your nose and your eyes rolled back in your head and you started to shake. You were so pale I thought you did die for a moment. "

"But Dean, I won. If I can master this skill even if I do get possessed again I can overpower it and take over my body again. It's what I always dreamed of." I say excitingly. I put my hand on his cheek and wait for his anger and worry to subside. "It's a good thing Dean. I can protect myself better."

The storm in his green eyes start to subside but he looks up at Cas and I can see them getting stormy again. "Dammit Cas you could have killed her! Next time I am going to sit here and if I decide to pull the plug on the experiment you will pull the plug. Do you understand me?"

Cas shakes his head and stands up stretching his body. "Don't be mad at Cas. I agreed to do this. I want to keep practicing. He said if I keep working at it I will eventually be able to push a demon out without so much stress on my body."

Dean looks torn. I know he wants me safe as possible but he is still afraid of how much it affected me. "You can sit in Dean I promise, but you can't tell him to stop if I look a little unwell. I can do this."

I can tell he's mad but he reluctantly agrees. "But if I think it is too much you have to promise me that you will stop. I don't know what I would do if you died." I lean over and kiss his cheek. You would just move on with your life and you and your brother would hit the road, I think to myself.

"Thank you Dean. I'm a bit worn out can we stop training for today?" Dean relaxes and stands up. He sticks his hand out and helps me to my feet. I must have been weaker than I thought because the moment I stand up the room around me starts to spin and legs give out and I start to collapse. Dean grabs me quickly under my arms and picks me up and carries me over to the bed.

"Take a nap. You're too weak." I weakly agree and he pulls the covers back and tucks me into bed. Before he leaves he kisses my forehead and turns off the lamp. "I'll wake you up a bit, just try and relax." I pass out quickly. My body is more tired than I thought.

Dean's POV

When I came in the room and saw her I almost lost it. She was sitting on her knees in front of our bed. She was so pale and shaking like a leaf. Her jaw was clenched and blood was dripping down her nose. Some of it had gotten in her mouth. Her teeth and lips had blood smeared on them. Her eyes were rolled up and I could only see the whites. I thought a demon had gotten her until I saw Cas' body laying on the bed.

Once I shut the door I push Cas up against the wall in front of the bedroom door. "What the hell were you thinking? You could have killed her!"

Cas stares me down right back. "I would never let anything happen to her Dean. She is Jimmy's daughter and she is my ward. I was watching her vitals the entire time. If it got to dangerous I was going to pull out but don't think that a demon will ever care for her that way. If she gets possessed again it will be a fight to the death to regain control of her body unless I teach her how to do it."

I hate to admit he's right and I drop my arms and stomp down the stairs. I can hear him trailing behind me and follows me outside. He grabs my arm and swings me back around. "I am not stupid Dean I will not let anything happen to her." I laugh in his face. "I know I failed her once and it kills me but I will not do it again."

My laughter ceases I went too far and I struck a nerve. "Cas that was not your fault. You were doing what you were told and there was no way for you to know what Zachariah was planning. I know if you knew you would have killed him right there to protect her."

Cas drops his eyes in shame and stares at his hands. "Cas stop whatever it is you're thinking. She's safe now and that's what matters." Before I can continue the conversation he disappears.

I walk back in the house and find Sam with his nose in some books. He looks up with me and gives me a weak smile. "I am just going through some stuff for Lara. It's on the French revolution. I know she is studying to hunt and all that but she should still learn about the other stuff too."

"You're right she should." I plop down on the couch and close my eyes for a moment. Why does she have to insist on this life? I don't want her to lose herself like Sam and I have to this world.

After a few hours I remember that I promised to wake Lara up. I walk up the stairs and open the bedroom door. She's sound asleep and she looks peaceful. It's rare for her not to be having a nightmare and I feel bad waking her. I debate letting her sleep for a moment but I know she'll be mad if I don't and she can't sleep tonight. I sit down on the bed next to her and turn the bedside lamp on and lightly shake her shoulder.

She moans for a minute and I almost give up and let her sleep. I reach over to turn the lamp back off but I feel her hand come up around my neck and her fingers move through my hair. To my surprise she pulls my head down and lightly kisses my lips. "Good morning sweet heart is it time to get up?"

It's an innocent kiss. There was no tongue, no tease of sex, just a sweet innocent kiss that felt like we've been doing it all our lives. But it caught my blood on fire and I want to devour her mouth. I open my eyes and look at her. Her eyes are still hooded and I don't think she's fully awake. I lower down and kiss her gently on the lips one last time and she opens her eyes.

She smiles for a moment then I see reality seep into her and her eyes grow large with fear. She sits up quickly and her starts to blush. She looks around the room and lets out a groan of embarrassment and puts her head in her hands and starts to cry. "Dean I am so sorry. I must have still been dreaming. I don't know what came over me."

Obviously this was a mistake. She may not have meant it but at least I can die happy knowing I got to kiss her once, well twice. I move her hands and put my finger under her chin and raise her head. "Don't worry about it. It's better than the normal fist you throw my way when you wake up. I'm going to head downstairs. When you get up we'll go into town and get some pizza."

I leave the room and I can tell she is still flustered and embarrassed. I shouldn't have leaned back down and kissed her again. I don't think she knows that I kissed her back and it is best if she doesn't. She is obviously upset and I can't cross that boundary again.


	19. Chapter 19

Lara's POV

I am going to die from embarrassment. I was so caught up in the dream I was having that I thought I was still in it. How could I have been so stupid? I need to have more control over my actions. After all the men these lips have kissed he would never want them on his. I know he apologized for it but that night he said they whored me out I know that's what he must think about me. I can almost hear him talking to Sam about it one hypothetical night when he drinks too much whiskey. "Really Sammy? Me and Lara? She's a nice girl but come on she's been fucked by half the planet. And besides I wouldn't take your leftovers." I don't blame him for thinking or feeling that. I'm disgusted with myself half the time. It's gotten better since Cas healed me but there was nothing quite has embarrassing as asking Jody questions about my body and what bumps and sores were that I had. She was so nice about it though and every time she came over she would sit and talk to me about it and what I could do about it.

My eyes land on the photograph of my parents and me. We look happy. We're sitting on a picnic blanket and my mom has me in her lap and my adoptive father has his left arm around my mom, Betsy, and his right hand on my shoulder. If that life had continued the way it was suppose to maybe Dean would have wanted to kiss me but that life is long gone.

My work out clothes smell so I peel them off and grab my robe and head into the bathroom to take a quick shower. I've finally gotten use to all the things Jody had picked out for me. When I was living in cell six I would never have imagined all the wonderful bath products there were. I pick up my razor and I decide while I'm in here I may as well shave my legs. I pick up the bar of soap and the wash cloth and I clean my privates thoroughly like I do every shower trying to get the stink of those horrible people off of me. When I first got out I would wash myself until I bleed but I have stopped doing that.

By the time I step out of the shower I feel clean and rejuvenated. It wasn't that bad. I will just explain to him that I was dreaming and I was confused. I can say I was dreaming about that show we watched and it was just in my mind. I dry my hair and I think about cutting it short. It's so long that it comes half way down my back because I very rarely got a hair cut when I was held captive unless a demon wanted a different style. I wrap the towel around me and run back to our room and dig through my drawers and the closet for something to wear. I settle on a purple v neck button up shirt and a pair of jeans. I throw on my cowboy boots tuck a knife into my left boot and put the colt in the back of my jeans and I throw on a dark brown leather jacket and head downstairs.

Sam is sitting at a desk in the living room and I wander in to see what he's working on. He's been very shy around me since everything happened and all I want is for him to start acting normal again. "Hey Sammy whatcha reading?"

Sam looks up at me and smirks. "Just working on your next lesson plan. I pulled some books on the French Revolution for you today at the library." I am glad to hear we are going back to my normal education. There is still so much I don't know.

To my surprise I lean down and give him a hug. "Thanks Sammy. I will look forward to it. Want to go out with Dean and me for some pizza and we can talk about it."

Sam is definitely flustered. His cheeks are now bright red and he looks back down at the books. "Yea sure that would be great. I am going to run and get my coat. Bobby is at Jody's house tonight and Dean is outside tinkering around with his precious baby. I'll meet you guys at the car."

Well I can't avoid him forever; we do share a room now and all. My stomach feels like there are 1,000 butterflies's fluttering around as I open the door and head down the steps. Just like Sam said Dean is tinkering under the hood of his car. I doubt the car needs anything actually done to it the amount of care and time he puts into her but I know he likes to be under her hood.

I make as much noise as possible on the gravel behind him so I don't startle him and he turns around and looks back at me. He gives me a cocky grin while he's slamming the hood down. I let out a nervous laugh and pull my right hand through my hair. "Dean I wanted to apologize again. I was dreaming about that stupid Sex and the City show when you came in and woke me up and I must have gotten confused."

Dean walks over to me with his normal stagger and stops right in front of me. He smells like oil and I can only assume his hands are filthy but I still want them all over me. STOP IT LARA! You need to get control of yourself. He brushes his hands off on his jeans and moves a stray piece of hair of my face. "I told you not to worry about it. Accidents happen and like I said it's better than a fist in my face. If I got mad at every girl that kissed me I would never be happy. Now stop worrying about it and let's get some pizza."

Every girl that kissed him, how many have there been? I am going to have to talk to Cas about that one. I let out a sigh of relief and give him my best fake smile he seemed to have bought my story. "Sam is getting ready and he's going to come too. He said Bobby is at Jody's tonight and he seemed excited to get out of the house himself." For a moment I think I see Dean's smile fall but he quickly plasters another one back on.

"Great! The more the merrier. I am just going to run in and wash my hands and we can go." He turns around and practically runs into the house. I kick some of the gravel and open up the passenger side door of the car and take a seat. Sam can sit in the back tonight I feel like being up front.

Both men come walking out of the house laughing at each other. Dean leans over and tussles Sam's hair and Sam tries to swat him off. It makes me so happy to see them acting so care free together. Cas has told me about how strained their relationship has been in the past few years after Ruby and the apocalypse and everything. Cas says that Death put a wall up in Sam's head to block the memories of hell but sometimes a memory gets loose and it's hard on Sam.

Dean pulls his door open and practically jumps into the seat and Sam clambers in behind me. "Sorry Sammy, I call shot gun." Sam laughs at me and relaxes in the backseat. Dean turns on the car and Metallica comes blaring out of the speakers. I turn down the volume and before Dean can reprimand me I pipe up. "The last time we were in the car we were working on my education of Guns n Roses can we pick that up again please?" Dean acts frustrated for Sam's sake but he gives me a wink and changes the tape.

"The things we got to do to keep our woman happy Sammy!" He screams to Sam over the music with a laugh. We drive down the road with Sympathy for the Devil blaring out of the speakers and I can't help but grin from ear to ear.

I start to relax but then something up ahead on the road grabs my attention. It looks like a large beast is in the road about a quarter mile ahead. I squint my eyes and try to get a better look. I put my hand on Dean's arm and he's still singing along and he looks over at me. He must notice that I look concerned and he stops singing and turns the music off. "What is it Lara?" He asks me worryingly.

Holy Shit! "Dean stop the car! And turn around right now!" I scream out at him. He slams on the brakes and I look behind us and there's another one. I look left then right and there are five hell hounds surrounding the car. "Dean don't move. We are surrounded by hellhounds." I whisper to him.

Dean takes his hands off the steering wheel and pulls out a gun. "Are you sure Lara?" I know he can't see them but I can. They are large filthy creatures that only crave one thing, death.

I shake my head yes. "I am positive." As I am looking around I see a man with a demon in him start to walk up to the car. I feel Sam move forward and he has a knife grasped in his hand.

"Come out of the car now or I will have my dogs attack and you'll be dead in moments." He says calmly as he takes a drag from his cigarette and flicks it out on the ground.

Dean and Sam look at each other and nod. They both start to get out of the car and Dean reaches across the seat and grabs my hand and pulls me out on his side. He doesn't shut the door but steps away from the car and puts me protectively behind him. I try to move next to him but he blocks me with his left arm and he pushes me behind him again. I feel Sam walking behind me and he puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes and stands next to Dean. "Well if it isn't Bubonic Six. How are you darling?" 

Before I can respond Dean snarls at him. "She has a name ass hole." The demon starts to laugh. "Of course she does. I know that better than you do. I wore her for a month."

I shiver in disgust and I feel Dean's hand grab my arm. "What do you want Agaeres? I see you're as lazy as ever. Wearing number four are we. He lost his mind years ago." I say through clattering teeth.

He laughs again. "Waste not want not six. When their minds go we send them out on more permanent missions. There was a list 200 deep waiting to take you permanently. Mostly cross road demons who wanted to use your beautiful body until it was so riddled with disease and sin that it fell apart around them but I wanted to use you for your other talents. Your body remembers commands well. I remember you being quite the little fighter when I took you out searching for runaway souls and demons for that month. Don't think I forgot about you Dean. You were my favorite torturer to bring those runaways back too."

I feel my body start to shake again. He wasn't as bad as some. He didn't use my body to fornicate but he scared me. He is a tracker. He tracks down runaways and he brings them back to hell. When he was wearing me other demons quivered in their boots around us. "What do you want?" Dean asks angrily this time.

"I want her. Well I should say my boss wants her. You took her from us and we recently found out how valuable she is. If you give her to me I will let you both live." I flinch and grab onto Dean's jacket.

"Please don't give me back to him" I think to myself. The hell hounds start to move and form a line in front of Agaeres. They are going to attack at any moment.

"If you want her you're going to have to pull her from my cold dead fingers you ugly piece of shit." I let go of Dean's jacket and I put my hand on his shoulder and I lean forward and whisper into his ear. "When I say move, move. I have the colt and I can take those dogs down."

I can only hope Dean will do as I say and I step back and use Dean to block Agaeres view of me. I lift the colt and I look at the five hell hounds in front of me. I steady my breathing and focus on my prey. As Agaeres yells for his hounds to attack I yell "MOVE!"

Thank God Dean moves. He dives left and he pushes Sam out of the way. It is only a moment but it slows down like an eternity. I aim on one, shoot, aim on two, shoot, aim on three ,shoot, aim on four, shoot, and I aim on five, shoot. All perfect head shots, all five on the ground dead. I quickly move the gun back at Agaeres and before he gets over the shock and can leave number four I shoot him in the head. The light flashes in him for a moment and he collapses dead amongst his dogs on the ground.

I can't move. My eyes are fixated on the dead in front of me. I can hear Sam shouting happily "Great shot Lara!" behind me and I feel Dean take the colt from my hands and push my arm down and bring me into his arms. For a few minutes nothing seems real. I feel Dean pick me up and softly place me down in the backseat of the car. I can hear them dragging the demon's corpse off the road and pulling it into a ditch. I can feel the heat from the fire on my skin but I can't move. I know I'm in shock and I know I need to snap out of it but I can't. I just killed 6 demonic creatures. I took control and I won.

Once the fire is out I hear the driver door open and someone get in and turn on the car. I feel the door next to my face open and a pair of hands lifts my neck and the seat sag under its weight. I am finally able to focus again and I look up and focus on Dean's green eyes. I can tell he's worried about me. He places my head gingerly in his lap and traces his hands over my faces. "Lara are you ok? Can you talk?"

I try to talk but it comes out a garble instead. I close my eyes and take a deep breath and try again. "Yes I am just in a bit of shock. Can we go home please?" I ask then I pass out.

I wake up again in my bed. I am in my favorite t shirt. The one Dean gave me the night he rescued me from the body farm and the blankets are tucked up all around me. The room is dark but the light from the hallway is creeping through the cracked door. I start to sit up and once I move I feel Dean stir next to me and he leans over me and turns on the lamp. "You're awake. I was getting really worried about you."

"I'm sorry I scared you. I don't know what came over me. I just couldn't shake myself out of it." His arm comes around me and he pulls me into him and places my head on his chest and he kisses the top of my head.

"You scared me. You were so calm when you killed them then it was like a switch turned off in your body and you were no longer there." The concern and fear is dripping from his voice and I feel guilty. "You did awesome though. You had direct head shots with all of them. You truly are the best shot I have ever met."

"I knew him Dean. Not just the demon but four. His name was Charles. He was brought into the farm when I was 19 I guess. He was a kind man. He would talk about his children and beg the demons to let him out to be back with them. They would beat him until he would shut up or pass out. He lost his mind shortly after I got back from my mission with Agaeres. I know his mind was gone and that he being dead is better because he is whole again but I knew him." I stare straight ahead and see me lying on Dean in the reflection of the mirror I hung above the dresser. It looks right.

He starts to relax and he kisses the top of my hand again and squeezes me into a tight hug. I like how he looks kissing my head and I smile. "I'm sorry it was hard for you. "

"With the amount of demons who have worn me and the amount of humans I have interacted with it will probably become a common occurrence. Thanks for trusting me too. When I told you to move I was worried you wouldn't listen to me but you did. That means a lot to me that you trust me. I've wanted to kill a hell hound for a long time now. It felt good." I say with a laugh.

I can see Dean smiling in his reflection. "Of course I trust you Lara. You proved tonight that you are capable of doing this job. You were amazing to watch. When I knocked Sam down and looked up at you I thought I was watching some kind of warrior goddess." I can see him start to blush and his smile changes to a sweet shy one. "Oh and please feel free to kill has many of those hell hounds as you want. There is not a lot of love lost between me and them. I sent Sam back out to get us some pizza since I promised it to you. It is probably cold by now but we can heat it up. I'll bring it up and you can have it in bed." He tries to stand up and I grab onto him and refuse to let him go.

"Please just stay a moment longer. I'm not ready for you to move yet. I need this for just a few more minutes." He sits back down and puts his arm around my back and traces my back with his fingers. He rests his chin on my head and every once in a while he kisses the top of my head to my delight. I know I shouldn't ask him to stay but it's so comfortable and I feel safe. We lie there for about a half hour then I reluctantly let him go and he brings the pizza back to bed.


	20. Chapter 20

Dean's POV

Lara kicked some demonic ass tonight, she may have gone catatonic after but she took all six of them out in seconds. I have to reluctantly agree that she can do this now because I don't think Sam or I would have been able to take those shots even. She's sound asleep again now. After she ate she curled back up on my chest and went to sleep. I slowly stretch out so I don't disturb her sleep and I close my eyes and attempt to sleep myself.

_I'm in hell. The heat and the smell would give it away if I couldn't see but unfortunately I can see everything just fine. I have a man tied up on the rack and I have just finished peeling the skin from his legs and I had picked most of the muscle off the left leg exposing just the bone but I'm tired and I'm done for the day. I am going to leave him like this and finish it after a break. The guy is just a normal guy in his 40's if I saw him on the street back topside I don't think I would even give him a second glance. But down here he is a whimpering shell of the man I assume he was. He sees me putting my tools away and he keeps begging me to make him whole again before I leave so he can have even a half hour of peace. He knows I won't do it but he keeps begging. I smack him across the face. "Stop talking or I'll cut out your damn tongue." I yell at him. He stops talking but now he starts to cry. That's just as bad. I don't know why this guy is pushing all my buttons but he is. I pick up a clamp and knife and I force his mouth open. At first he refuses to open his mouth but I put the knife on his dick and tell him if he doesn't open up I'll cut him somewhere else. He reluctantly opens up and I clamp his tongue and pull it out and put the knife to it…_

"Wake up Dean." I hear and I slowly come out of it before I cut out his tongue. I look around and I can see Lara sitting up in the bed with her hand on my shoulder. "It's ok now, you're awake." I can't talk right now. I don't know what I would say even if I could. It's not ok just because I'm awake it doesn't mean I didn't do it. "Come here" she says as she puts her arms around me and pulls me to her chest. I fall back asleep with her running her fingers through my hair telling me it will be ok.

_"Dean I have some souls I need you to deal with." I hear something say behind me. I turn around and I'm greeted by Agaeres. He brings me his runaways once he finds them and expects me to treat them extra harshly for trying to escape. _

_ "Can't you see I'm done for the day?" I ask him has a throw down the knife and toss the man's tongue into a pile of body parts next to him. Agaeres laughs at me and pats my back. "You can work on them tomorrow just make them uncomfortable tonight ok?"_

_ I know what he wants me to do. I grab the first man in the line and pull him over to the meat hooks that are kept in my chamber. This one has already been broken. He must have been with Agaeres for awhile before he found the others. I pick him up and slam him down on the meat hook. He lets out a cry but doesn't even try to move. Next I move a woman over to the hook next to him. She's a fighter. She tries to fight me off by kicking and punching. When that doesn't work she starts to scratch my face and arms with her nails. "DEAN STOP YOU"RE HURTING ME!" She yells at me. I don't care how she knows my name I just got to put her up on that hook and be done with it for the night. I wrap my hands around her neck and start to choke her. If I can get her to pass out it will be much easier. I try to lift her onto the meat hook. "SAM HELP!" I hear her yell. How does she know Sam? Who knows maybe someone told her about me before she came down here and thought she could try to win favor with me for mentioning Sam. Others have tried and all it does is make me angrier. I can hear a commotion starting behind me but I don't turn around to see it. I haven't finished the task at hand yet._

I come to and I can feel a strong pair of arms trying to pull me off someone. I'm still in a bit of daze. Once my eyes start to focus I look in front of me and I see my arms pinning Lara up to the wall. My hands are tightly around her neck and her face is turning purple. Her hands are grasped to my wrists but it's Sam who finally pulls me away. He throws me on the ground and I let go of Lara. She slides down the wall in front of me and for a moment I think she's dead. Oh my God I killed her. Then her eyes slowly open. Sam grabs my shoulder. "Dean! Are you awake now?"

I shake my head in shock and look at Lara. Her neck is covered in bright red finger marks. I know they are going to bruise. She shakily reaches out her hand and grabs mine. "It's ok Dean. It was an accident." She says through wheezes. "Sam go get whiskey." She directs at him. I hear Sam leave the room but I can't stop checking her for more damage. I let go of her hand and crawl over to her. She doesn't wince when I bring my hands up to her chin and lift it so I can examine her neck. I was close to killing her. I trace the angry red blotches with my fingers.

"Lara I am so sorry. I don't even know how to begin to apologize." She gives me a weak smile and reaches up and grabs my hand again. "Hush now. Don't worry about it." She says weakly. I hear Sam run back into the room and he thrusts a bottle of whiskey into my face.

"Drink" is all he says. I grab the bottle and quickly chug a good portion of it down. The burning sensation helps bring me back to reality. And my reality right now is that I hurt her and I almost killed her. I am going to have to leave. I'm too much of a danger to her now. I hand the bottle back up to Sam and I hear him take a swig himself. "Lara do you need me stay?" He asks her. She shakes her head no and he leaves the room but keeps the door open. I hear him go back into his room and he doesn't shut his door either. He's scared I'm going to hurt her again.

I stand up on shaky legs and put my arms on the dresser and wait till I think I can move them again. When I look up into the same mirror that just a few hours ago I was watching Lara lay on me I see that my face and arms are covered in scratches. She was trying to get me off her and I didn't even realize it was happening. I see her sitting on the ground with her back against the wall. She looks tired and sore. "Lara I don't know what happened. I am going to go downstairs and I'll get my stuff out tomorrow and I'll move down to the couch or I'll move out if that would make you feel safer." I stare at my face in the mirror and I want to smash it. I can't look at myself without wanting to bash my own head in.

Lara comes up behind me and wraps her arms around my bare chest and I feel her head fall into my back. I close my eyes and for a moment allow myself to enjoy how she feels on my bare skin, and then I tense up. I shouldn't be this close to her. What if I hurt her again? While I'm debating with myself I feel something wet start to drip down my back and I realize she's crying. I turn around in her arms and grab her face in my hands. "I'm sorry, I'll be leaving. You won't have to see me again."

She starts to cry harder and she grabs onto me tighter. "No Dean. That's not what I want. Why do you want to punish me for this?" She asks me through tears. "If you leave me I don't know what I will do. Please tell me you won't leave and disappear in the night. I know it was an accident and I'm just glad I was here to wake you up. Please don't leave me. You and Sam and Bobby are the only family I know."

How can she want me to stay after what just happened? At this point I can't refuse her anything. If she asked me to put a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger I would kill myself I without thinking but asking me to stay wasn't something I thought she would want. I pat her back. "Ok I won't leave. If that's what you want." I whisper to her. Tomorrow I will figure out what to do but right now I'm going to do whatever she asks of me.

The tears slowly stop dripping down her face but she keeps her head on my chest. "Please let's go back to bed." I shake my head and I lead her back into the bed. "Hold me please." She begs me. I come behind her and grab on to her. I feel like I should run for her safety but I said I wouldn't leave. "Promise me you won't leave me." She whispers.

I grab her tighter. "I promise I'll be here when you wake up and we'll evaluate the rest tomorrow." That's the best I can promise. I don't know how but I manage to fall asleep again.

_I wake up and Lara is still asleep. She sleeping with her back towards me and I'm holding on to her. I breathe in her scent and realize that I'm naked. I definitely didn't go to bed last night naked. I lift up the covers and see she is too. And I know she didn't. I notice her back is smooth and I realize I am dreaming. I don't deserve a nice dream after what just happened but I'm too weak to wake myself up. I slip out of bed and pull on a pair of boxers and slip out of the bedroom. I want to see what time frame I am here in. I walk down the hall and open the first door on my left and I see John sleeping soundly in his bed. I quietly shut the door and go down another door and open that one. I'm surprised to see Sammy sleeping in a double bed. I haven't been here without Luke and Rick before. I guess this was a guest room before they came along. I shut the door and walk to the end of the hall to see if Gabe and Cole are here. I open the door and I see them both sound asleep in their respective cribs. I creep into the room and look over my sleeping sons. They look like they might be a year or so years old. I pull the blanket up and back over Gabe and I put Captain Fuzzy back into Cole's hands. I kiss their foreheads then I quietly leave the room and head back down the hall way. _

_ When I come back into our bedroom Lara is no longer in bed. I hear the sink running and I walk into the bathroom. Her hair is pulled back with a clip and she's brushing her teeth. When she's done rinsing she looks at me and smiles. "Hey honey don't forget you have the kids today. Aunt Karen is coming over in about an hour and she's going to help me make my deliveries. I had a lot of orders this weekend. I have three birthdays, one wedding, and a bunch of cupcakes for a baby shower." She says happily. She had recently started an at home bakery service. She sold cakes and other pastries from the house for catered events. Karen had pushed her to do it and she liked to help her make her deliveries. "And don't let Gabe and Cole wake Sammy up. He was exhausted when he came in last night, and you know how excited they get when Uncle Sammy is here."_

_ She dropped her robe on the counter and went into the large shower behind her. She insisted that we have a large luxurious shower. She claimed having to share a small bathroom with Sammy at Bobby's house meant that she deserved a wonderful bathroom here. She designed it so that there were all kinds of different shower heads. The shower was big enough to hold a small country in I would joke with her. I know I shouldn't follow her in but hell these are my dreams anyways and they're not real. _

_ I kick of my boxers and come into the shower behind her. Her eyes are closed as she's washing shampoo out of her hair. I haven't had a chance to truly appreciate her naked body yet. It's stunning. She's petite and muscular from years of training but she is also soft and curvy. I walk over to her and grab her and she jumps for a moment then opens her eyes and I give her a kiss. "What are you doing Dean?I have to get ready." She asks with a laugh._

_ I don't say anything and I assault her mouth with kisses. "You said you had an hour and this won't take but a couple of minutes." I saying laughing into her ear. She laughs and kisses me back. I thought I would wake up by now but I haven't. I'm already going to hell for what I did to her last night so might as well enjoy myself, I think to myself. I grab her by the hips and pick her up and she wraps her legs around me. "Wasn't last night enough for you?" She says jokingly. No it wasn't because I don't remember last night. I push her against the wall of the shower and plunge into her."I love you." I say breathlessly into her ear. "I love you too Dean." She moans back at me._

Before it could go any further I wake up. I feel around her side of the bed and feel that it's empty. I open my eyes and see that I am back in Bobby's house and the clock says its 12 pm. I don't know how I managed to sleep that late after everything that happened last night but I did. I lay in bed for a few minutes and try not to linger on the memories of my most recent dream. I do love her don't I? Dammit that is going to make all of this more complicated than it already is. I told the dream her that I love her but I love the real her more. She's just so strong. With everything that she's been through she is kind and funny. And my god is she gorgeous. Snap out of it you idiot! You almost killed her last night! I mentally kick my own butt then I climb out on my side and search the floor for a t shirt.

I march down the stairs and find Sam, Bobby, and Lara all in the kitchen. Sam and Bobby are sitting at the table eating waffles laughing at some joke Bobby is telling. Lara has her back to me and is making something on the stove and I can hear her laughing. She's wearing one of my t shirts that I put her in last night and a pair of my sleeping pants. She likes to steal my pajamas. She claims their more comfortable than the ones made for women. They should look ridiculous on her but I think they make her look incredibly sexy. When she turns around I let out a gasp when I see her neck. It is covered in black and blue bruises and it looks incredibly painful. The smile doesn't fall from her face but I know she's only smiling to try and reassure me that everything is ok. I cross the room quickly and examine the damage again in the day light. I lean down and kiss the side of her neck. I don't know what came over me, maybe it was the dream last night or maybe she just looked so beautiful standing there. I drop my hands and turn back to the table and sit down. Sam is staring at my wide eyed and Bobby has his mouth gaped open. Maybe I shouldn't have kissed her neck. I feel my checks start to turn red and I look down at the table.

"Do you want pancakes or waffles Dean? I have a blueberry and strawberry compote to put on them too." She asks like nothing happened last night.

"Pancakes" is all I can say. I am to upset from what I did to say anything else. She picks up a spatula and starts to make my pancakes and Bobby and Sam start to talk again. I can't pay attention to them. All I can think of was how horrible her neck looked. There are big bruises in the shape of my fingers on her perfect neck that I gave her.

"Dean are you going to eat?" I hear her say through my fog. I look down and I see a plate of blueberry pancakes in front of me. She put the berry sauce on the side and there is also syrup. "Yea I'm sorry." I mutter.

Bobby coughs and looks at Sam than back at me. "I heard what happened last night Dean." He said casually like I just broke a plate or something. "No one is mad. Lara is fine." I look up at him and frown. I am mad and I can tell she's not fine.

Lara puts a hand on my arm and I look at her. I can't look her in the eyes I can only stare at her neck. "Dean, I'm fine. Nothing that won't go away in time. Let's just move on and pretend it didn't happen."

I slam my fist down on the table and she, Bobby, and Sam all jump back. "I can't pretend it didn't happen! I woke up and I had you pinned against the wall with my hands around your neck! If Sam hadn't come in I would have killed you Lara and I wouldn't have even known it happened until I woke up! You're not safe around me!"

Lara looks at me very seriously and puts her hand back on my arm. "Dean you did wake up. And yes I know it was Sammy that ultimately woke you up but, he sleeps within 5 ft of your bed every night so I don't think we will ever have to worry about a time when he's not there. I am safer with you then with anyone else. I have already forgiven you so it's up to you to forgive yourself." How is she staying so calm?

Before I can respond I hear a car pull up in the driveway. I grab my gun and head out but Bobby grabs me. "It's just Jody. She said she was going to drop by this afternoon to pick up some of Lara's baked goods. The house is filled to the brim with them and she is going to take some into work." I look around the kitchen and I notice that it is filled with them. There are piles of muffins, cupcakes, cookies, and pies all over the kitchen. She must have gotten up early and baked. She tends to do that when she's nervous.

"Maybe you should start a catering business. You can sell them just from the house." I say to Lara. She gives me a confused look and I kick myself mentally for mentioning it. That's dream Lara's hobby I shouldn't be confusing the two worlds. I stand up and scarf down another bite of my pancakes. "I'll go let her in."

I walk to the door and hear a knock. That's strange usually Jody just comes barreling through the door. I open the door and I am surprised to see an unexpected face in front of me. "Lisa? Ben?"


	21. Chapter 21

Lara's POV

He's never going to forgive himself and he is just going to push himself further and further away from me until l have to let him go. I look up and I see Bobby and Sam staring at me with concern in their eyes. "I'm fine guys. Don't you both start worrying too. You know it was an accident." They both frown at me and go back to their plates. What is taking Dean and Jody so long? I stand up from the table and head into the living room. Did he suggest that I start catering deserts from the house? That's one of the things I do in the other path. Why would he think to say that?

I hear yelling coming from the porch. I hear Dean and a woman but it's not Jody. I walk up to the door and step out onto the porch and see Dean and a beautiful tan brunette fighting on the porch. There is a boy standing behind the woman. He looks scared. He's thin, very pale, and he's slightly shaking. I know what fear looks like and he's afraid. I come up behind Dean and tap his shoulder. He jumps for a moment and looks back at me. "Dean is everything alright?" I ask him.

Before Dean can answer the woman starts to yell again. "Is that why you had my mind erased you bastard? So you could fuck this girl instead? Don't think I'm stupid I know those are you clothes, hell I bought you those fucking pants!" This must be Lisa and the boy must be Ben. Cas told me about them and how Dean asked him to erase their memories so they could live their life. Apparently it didn't work so well.

I stand their silent and wait not wanting to add fuel to this fight. "I didn't even know her when I asked to Cas to do it. And I'm not fucking her." He yelled at her.

Ben shouldn't be hearing this. I walk down the steps onto the gravel and walk over to Ben. "Hey I have some pancakes and waffles in the kitchen if you are hungry?" I ask him. He looks at me and smiles and starts to follow me but Lisa grabs my arm and turns me around.

"Where do you think you're going with my son slut?" She spats at me. I try to stay calm and I take a deep breath. I want to punch her in the face for calling me a slut but I know she's just angry right now. "I thought it would be best if he came in and had some food while you two figured this out."

"She won't hurt him Lisa. They are just going right inside anyways." He said angrily while he rubbed his forehead with his hands. I quickly walk inside with Ben trailing behind me. I shut the front door so he doesn't have to hear them yelling and take him into the kitchen.

Sam and Bobby both look shocked for a moment when they see Ben but they recover quickly.  
>"Hey Ben! How are you?" Sam asked cheerfully. Ben looked at Sam shyly and sits down at the table next to him. "I'm fine." He says quietly.<p>

"Do you want pancakes or waffles Ben?" I ask him. He shrugs his shoulders so I start making him two of each. The fear is radiating off of him and it's making me want to give him a big hug and let him cry into my shoulder. "So what brings you and your mom here Ben?" I ask him nonchalantly as I make his food.

Ben seems to shrink into his chair. "About a month ago Mom and I found a picture of us with Dean in a drawer. At first we didn't know who he was but after looking at it for a little awhile it all came back to us. I remember the Angel taking my memory of him away. I know he did it to protect us but mom is really mad." Right then I heard the front door fling open and the yelling continue inside into the living room.

"He's been having nightmares for months! He kept waking up talking about Vampires, demons, shape shifters, a thing called a wendigo, and I was worried something was wrong with him. He stopped playing with his friends and I had to take him out of school. And you did that to protect us? All you did was leave us vulnerable and confused." I heard Lisa yelling at him. That's why he looks so afraid. Poor boy, he shouldn't know about this stuff yet.

"I'm sorry! I didn't think that would happen. I thought I was doing the best thing for you both erasing me from your lives so that you would be safe! If I thought for even a moment that it would have affected Ben that way I would never have done it. I thought it was making it better for him." He retorted.

Dean sometimes reacts rashly to problems. In one of my dreams John hit his head on the corner of the coffee table and I called Dean while he was at work to let him know I was taking John to the doctor to make sure he was ok. When I got back he had bubble wrapped every corner in the house. It took me a month to convince him to take them down. I wince at myself. I need to stop thinking about those dreams like they are real. I put Ben's plate down in front of him and give him a light reassuring hug. He can't stop staring at my neck. I need to cover it up so he's not afraid.

While Ben is finishing his food I run upstairs to our room to change. I put on a light weight turquoise blue turtleneck to hide my neck and a pair of jeans and head back downstairs. Bobby and Sam are already dressed and Ben is just finishing up with his food. "Why don't we go outside? I bet Uncle Bobby has a bunch of stuff for us to get into out there." Shit I did it again. Uncle Bobby is a term from my dreams. I look at Bobby to see if he's angry but he's grinning like a school girl. I guess he likes it.

Ben gives me a real smile and we all head outside to the scrap yard. When we leave the house we see that Jody had just pulled up to the house. She gets out of her car and gives Bobby a confused look and nods to Ben. Bobby gives Ben a pat on the back. "This is my friend Ben. He and his mom just dropped by for a visit. Ben this is Jody Mills. She's a sheriff."

Jody smile and extends her hand and Ben shakes it. I walk up to her and give her a hug. "I'll run in and get some stuff for you take with you." I say and I run back into the house hoping to avoid Dean and Lisa fighting. I pack up some Tupperware with cookies, muffins, and cupcakes. I leave the pies because I know Dean will want them later. Before I can leave the kitchen I hear them yelling again.

"Dean you said you loved me. Is this how you show love? Hurting Ben and I this way." I hear her start to cry. Dean doesn't say anything for a moment then I heard him quietly say. "I know I messed up Lisa. I care for you both and I would do anything for Ben. I didn't mean to hurt you."

I know I am intruding on a private moment and I sneak back out the backdoor and give Jody the goodies. "I heard about what happened last night Lara. Are you ok? Do you need to talk about it?" Jody whispers to me while Bobby, Sam, and Ben head down to one of the cars in the junk yard.

I give her another hug and smile. "I'm fine Jody. He didn't mean to and he feels horrible about it."

"If you change your mind you know where I am. I know he feels bad about it the boy is crazy about you." She gets back into her car and drive away. What does she mean he's crazy about me? She must just be seeing how I feel about him. Anyways I think it's pretty clear that Dean loves Lisa. I shake the idea off and go find the boys.

After a few hours of tinkering with Bobby's cars Ben seems to have relaxed a bit. He is smiling and not looking over his shoulder nervously. I assume Dean and Lisa are still fighting because they haven't come out to find us yet.

Ben and Bobby are currently under some old truck that I think is a ford if I remember some of the car knowledge that Dean has been trying to impart on me. Sam is standing next to me watching them. "He looks really messed up." Sam said very matter of fact to me.

I shake my head in agreement and wrap my arms around myself. It is starting to get dark and it's getting cold out. "Yea, he's too young to be worried about this stuff."

Sam puts his arm around my shoulder and after he realizes what he's done he tenses up and starts to pull away. "It's ok Sam" I whisper to him and lean in. "He's probably getting hungry. We should all head into town and get something." Sam shakes his head and walks over to Bobby and Ben.

When we get back to the house Ben runs in to tell his mom that he's coming with us to get some food. I'm assuming she said yes because when we comes back out he has a huge smile on his face and he has Dean's keys. He throws them to Sam and we all pile into the car.

Sam drives and Bobby is sitting in the passenger seat next to him. Ben and I are sitting in the backseat. He looks very happy. He's still smiling and he has some color back in his face. I'm glad he's happy. Sam must have looked back at him. "Why the sudden change in mood? You can't want diner food that bad." He says with a laugh.

Ben blushes for a minute and looks back up at Sam. "I think mom and Dean are going to get back together." I feel like a hand reached into my chest and grabbed my heart, but I try not to betray my feelings. "Oh really? Why is that?" Sam asks.

He blushes deeper. "When I went in to ask mom if I could go with you guys her and Dad, I mean Dean were kissing." That invisible hand that was grabbing my heart just ripped it out. I see Sam looking at me from the rear view mirror and I try to smile back at him but it comes off more of a grimace instead.

It's how it should be anyways. She is gorgeous and she is normal. Why wouldn't he want to go back with her? She can offer him a family and a home. All I got is a constant barrage of nightmares and demons chasing after me. I feel the tears start to well up in my eyes. Get your shit together Lara! You can't cry over something that was never yours. I look out the window and hope no one notices me.

When we arrive at the dinner Sam turns off the car and turns around. "Ben why don't you and Bobby go inside. I need to talk to Lara for a second ok?" Ben agrees and jumps out of the car and Bobby follows him inside. "Are you ok?" He asks me gently.

Now that Ben is out of the car I can't control my emotions anymore. I had to be strong for him but there I no reason to be strong now. I start to sob pathetically and I try to stop but it just makes it worse. I hear Sam get out of the driver seat and open the back seat and sit down next me. He pulls me in for a hug and I cry into his chest. Why am I acting like this? It's not like Dean and I were a couple or anything. It's not Dean's fault I fell for him. I'm so stupid. I feel like I need to explain myself to Sam. Through sobs I try to talk to him. "It's not because of what Cas told us. I don't love him because we were supposed to have a family. I was falling for him long before Cas told us anything. I know I shouldn't have. I'm disgusting and no man is ever going to want me."

"That's not true Lara and you know it. You're not disgusting. Yes disgusting things happened to you but you're not. If Dean can't see how amazing you are then he is an idiot. Do you want me to talk to him when we get back?"

Fear grasps my chest again. "NO! Please don't talk to him about this. If he wants to go back with Lisa and Ben I wish him well. All of this is just me being stupid. Please don't ever tell him." I beg him.

"I won't say a word, I promise. Come on wipe your eyes and let's go in and have dinner. Bobby is going to be worried about you." I wipe my eyes off with the back of my hands and try to shake off my breakdown. How could I have been so dumb to think that there might be a fairy tale ending for me? People like me don't get fairy tale endings. I put on a fake smile and jump out of the car and join Ben, Bobby, and Sam for dinner. I won't let my poor mood ruin Ben's happiness. The boy is obviously in need of a little hope.

A/N so I want to go somewhere with this Lisa and Ben debacle that I don't think a lot of you will like… at all. Will there be a rebellion if Dean slips up? I have both chapters written I just don't know which way to take it.


	22. Chapter 22

Dean's POV

What the fuck have I done? I think to myself as I look over at a very naked Lisa who is curled up into my very naked body on the floor of Bobby's living room. We were fighting. Hell we had been fighting for hours but all of a sudden it changed and she jumped on me and started to kiss me. Before I knew what was going on she had me pinned against the wall and she was pawing at me.

It should have stopped when Ben came in and asked if he could go to dinner with Lara, Bobby and Sam. When he said her name I felt guilt course through my body. Lisa said it was ok and I threw him my keys and told him they could take my car. I thought we would start fighting again but instead she lunged back on me. It's not like I wasn't willing it does take two to tango as they say. I haven't been with anyone since I left her and Ben almost a year ago and being around Lara so often has made me very sexually frustrated. I know it's not an excuse but it's the best reasoning I got. I didn't want to sleep with her. The only woman I want to sleep with is Lara but dammit if I'm not a weak ass hole.

I try to stand up but Lisa moans and pulls me closer. I feel like I cheated on Lara. I know we are not together but this feels wrong and I feel ashamed. That's not a feeling I am used to feeling after sleeping with a woman and it's uncomfortable. I manage to untangle myself from her and put my clothes back on. While I'm getting dressed she starts to as well. "So what does this mean?" She asks me.

I shrug my shoulders. How do I tell her that the whole time I was in her I pretending she was someone else? How do I tell her that what we just did revolted me? Especially after living with her for a year and trying to have a life with her. All this did was prove one thing to me. I am head over heels in love with Lara and she deserves better than me. I hear my car pull back up to the house. "You and Ben should stay here tonight and we'll talk about it tomorrow." That seems to appease her and she walks into the kitchen.

Ben comes barreling through the front door and gives me a big hug. "I didn't have a chance to say hi earlier when we showed up since mom started yelling at you. I missed you Dean." He doesn't look the same has he did the last time I saw him. He looks thinner and paler. He seems a bit nervous and fidgety. I can't believe I messed up that bad with him.

I hugged him back. "I missed you too Ben. Did you guys have fun at dinner?" I ask as I see Bobby and Sam come back into the house. I look at Sam and mouth. "Where's Lara?" He nods his head to the porch and I assume she needed some peace and quiet after a day with Ben. She's still getting used to being around people.

"We had a great time! We played with Bobby's cars all afternoon and they let me order whatever I wanted at dinner. Lara is the best. She promised I could have some pie when I got back. She said she baked a bunch this morning."

Yea Lara is the best, I think to myself and wince. "Why don't you go into the kitchen and grab some. I'll be back in a few minutes and we can catch up." He bounds into the kitchen and I hear Lisa fumbling around in there. I head out to the porch to see what was taking Lara.

She is sitting on the stairs of the porch staring up at the sky. I take a seat next to her but I don't try and touch her. I need to at least shower before I touch her. "Did you have fun this afternoon?" I ask her.

She gives me a fake smile a nods. "I had a better afternoon then you I assume. Is she still yelling at you?"

"No, I think we worked it out." I think her being mad at me wore off sometime when she was moaning for me to go harder.

"I can sleep on the couch tonight if you two want to take our bed." She said trying to be nonchalant but there was a bit of a bite at the end of it. The last thing I want to do is sleep with Lisa in our bed.

"No that won't be necessary. I'll see if Sammy will take the couch and I'll put Lisa and Ben in there. We still have that sleeping bag around here somewhere." I feel disgusted with myself. She knows I did something.

She finally looks over at me and I can tell she had been crying. "It's fine Dean. I can sleep on the couch. Just let me get some pjs out before you all head to bed." She tries to cut off my reply by standing up but I grab her arm before she can leave. "That's not what I want Lara." I say in almost a whisper. Maybe she has finally realized she should be mad at me for last night and this is her way of kicking me out.

I think she heard me because she nods but she heads back into the house. I follow behind her and the scent of cooking meat fills my nose. For a moment I feel my mouth start to water and I realize I'm hungry. Then I remember that Lara can't stand the smell of cooking meat. I look up at her as her face goes pale and she runs into the bathroom and slams the door shut.

I run after her and open the door and slip in behind her while she throws up into the toilet. I want nothing more than to sit on the ground and comfort her but I'm to gross to touch her right now. "I'm sorry I forgot to tell her. I didn't know she was going to make dinner. I'll have her take it outside."

Through her retching she shakes her head no. "It's fine. It's pathetic that I can't stand the smell anyways. Go enjoy your dinner and I'll come out when I can." The smell had started to seep through the bathroom door and she starts puking again. I notice a candle on the sink and I assume Jody had brought it for the bathroom. It says its rose scented so I take out my lighter and light the candle hoping it will help. I can tell she doesn't want me in the room with her and I quietly leave.

Bobby and Sam are nowhere to be found when I leave the bathroom and Lisa is cooking up pork chops on the stove. Ben is eating one of Lara's pies contently at the table. "What was that slamming?" Lisa asked me with her back still to me.

"Lara doesn't like the smell of cooking meat. It makes her sick." I hoped that Lisa would take the hint and take the meat outside but she keeps doing what she's doing inside. "I am going to head upstairs and take a shower. I'll get Sam's room ready for you two to sleep in tonight. Are you ok with a sleeping bag Ben?"

Ben shakes his head excitingly but I can tell Lisa is pissed. She must have assumed that we were back together. I take the stairs and go into our room and pull out fresh clothes and vow to burn the ones I'm wearing. Before I jump into the shower I find Sam in his room. I knock on the frame and he looks up at me. "Is it ok if Lisa crashes in here tonight? I thought we could put a sleeping bag out on the floor for Ben."

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll take the couch. I'll get it set up." He pauses for a moment and takes a deep breath and lets out a long sigh. "Please tell me you didn't sleep with her Dean." He says almost pleadingly.

I can't lie to him so I don' say anything. "Dammit Dean." Is all he says and I head into the bathroom to wash it all off.

The shower that I hoped would wash my guilt away didn't help much in that department. I could still smell her on me so I scrubbed against my skin harder. When I felt like I was as clean as I was going to get I stepped out the shower and looked at myself in the mirror. I still had cuts on my face and arms from where Lara tired to get me off her last night. I can't stand to look at myself, I disgust myself. I quickly change and grab my discarded clothes with me.

Lisa is plating our dinner in the kitchen but I quickly run out back and throw my clothes in a burn barrel and light them on fire. I wish I could burn my guilt of so easily. I go back to the kitchen and I sit down to eat my dinner. I can't even look Lisa in the face. I try to make small talk with Ben but I can't stop thinking about Lara. About 15 minutes after I came into the kitchen I heard her leave the bathroom and head upstairs and slam our bedroom door shut.

After dinner Ben begs me to watch a movie with him. We put in Steve McQueen's the Great Escape and we settle in on the sofa. It reminded me of old times when I lived with them. I did love Lisa then and I still love Ben now but this family doesn't feel like a natural fit to me. I feel like a very square peg being forced into a very round hole.

Halfway through the movie I hear Sam's heavy footsteps upstairs walk to Lara's room. He knocks on the door and she must have let him in because the door opens. Things must be bad if she's letting Sam comfort her.

Bobby had gone to Jody's for the evening and came back right has the movie is finishing up alone. When he enters the house he looked at me sitting on the couch with Ben and he seemed to relax a bit. "Goodnight Ben and Lisa. Dean make sure to turn everything off before you go upstairs." He says as he quickly passes through the living room to his own bedroom.

Sam must have heard the movie ending because when I turn around he is coming down the stairs dressed for bed carrying a pillow and blanket. I can tell he is pissed at me but he talks cheerfully to Ben while completely ignoring me. "Hey Ben! I set my room up for you and your mom. We only had a sleeping bag but I found some extra blankets to make it more comfortable. And you know where the bathroom is right?"

Ben shakes his head and says good night to Sam and we all head upstairs. At the top of the stairs Lisa waits for a moment until Ben goes into his room. "Am I sleeping alone tonight?" She asks me.

I shake my head yes to embarrassed to meet her eyes. Before she could try to press the issue further I walked past her and went into the bathroom. I pretend like I am getting ready for bed and wait until I hear her shut her bedroom door. Once I know the coast is clear I leave and walk back to our room.

I creek the door open slowly and see that Lara is curled up sleeping on her side on her side of the bed. I come in and start digging through my drawers for my pajamas and I must have woken her up because she starts to move. "Lara are you sure you want me to sleep in here?" I whisper.

"Yes." Is all she says. I find my clothes and climb into bed. I notice she is laying has far on her side as possible and she has made no attempt to move closer to me. We lay in silence for awhile. "Dean?" She whispers in the dark.

"Yes."

"Promise me that you will never erase my memories of you. They are something I want to keep." I can tell that she is crying but I am too ashamed to pull her close and try to comfort her.

"I swear. I think I learned my lesson anyways." I had tried to and it failed miserably. She is silent for a moment then speaks again. "You need to start letting people make their own choices Dean. You can't keep making them for people."

I sigh, she's right but I'm to pig headed to admit it. "Maybe people just need to stop forgiving and trusting me or I wouldn't have to make those choices."

She turns around and props herself up on her elbows and faces me. Through the moon light I can see the tears glistening off her face. "Dean you're only human so why do you hold yourself to such a higher standard. You act like every mistake you make means you're evil and should be exiled. You push people away. But when the situation is reversed what would it take for you to want Sam or Bobby or even me to make decisions for you like that? What would it take for you to want me to erase your mind or try and leave your life because I am worried I put you danger?"

How does she get me so well? She just cut me right down to the core. I meet her gaze and she doesn't look away. "There is nothing you could do that would make me want you to take my memories or that would make me leave you. And the same goes for Sam and Bobby of course. As far as being a danger to you, last night just scared me a lot. I am going against my better judgment and not leaving for your safety. "

"So you're not leaving with them tomorrow?" She asks me. I can hear the fear in her voice.

"Nothing could make me leave you ok." I try to reassure her and I know it's true. At this point it would take death to make her leave her. Even if she asks me to go I will stay in the shadows and make sure she is ok.

She looks at me and I can see the fear and sadness in her blue eyes and the pain takes over my body. I want to cry but I can't. "I need you Dean. I am not ready to be on my own yet. There is still a lot I don't know about hunting and about just everyday life. After Agaeres tried to take me last night I'm more afraid than ever. They are going to try to take me again Dean. If they take me after all of this I won't survive it. I can't survive it again. That is for sure and I am scared to face that alone." God I don't want her to be afraid. I love her and I would never let anyone take her.

"I am sorry if for even a second I made you think I was going to leave and make you face the demons on your own. I promise I will always be there for you. I'm not going to let any of those bastards even lay a finger on your head. You're safe now and I'm going to keep it that way."

She laid back down on her pillow and is quiet again but I can tell she is still crying. I want to reach out and comfort her so badly but I can't bring myself to grab on to her after what I did with Lisa this afternoon. Instead I explore the bed with my hand until I find hers and I squeeze it. She squeezes my hand back and after a moment she whispers quietly, so quietly I almost didn't hear it. "Dean, I know you slept with her." And she lets go of my hand and rolls over onto her side.

I'm too ashamed to even try to apologize to her. I know that I have hurt her. She wasn't accusing when she told me she knew. She just said it matter of factly. After last night and today any chance I could have had with her is dead. I doubt if she'll even be in my bed in the morning. I try not to cry. I don't cry. I am Dean Winchester and I don't let my emotions rule me but even the thought of hurting her makes me want to break down and sob.

_ I recognize this place. It was one of the many towns that Sammy and I went through when we were trying to find a loop hole for my deal before I was sent to hell. The bar was just has I remember it so was the hot blonde bartender who is pouring drinks right now. I look around and I see Sam, Lara, and me sitting at a booth. Wait a minute, Lara wasn't here with us. Shit this is one of those dreams. If I remember correctly at this point we had about 5 months until my deal come due. I stand in the corner has a watch another version of myself walk over to the bar and start flirting with the bartender. I watch me leave with her and I look over and see Lara start to cry at the table. Sam is trying to comfort her but she pushes him off and runs out of the bar. If I remember correctly if she left the bar right then she would see me and the blonde waitress getting it on in the back of the impala. _

_ Later that night I see myself sneak back into the dark hotel room and Sam is sound asleep in his bed. Lara is sitting on the couch staring off and I can see the tears rolling down her eyes. She looks at me and states. "Dean, I know you slept with her." And she rolls over and pushes her back to me._

_ I watch myself walk into the bathroom and I hear the shower turn on. Cas appears next to me. "You were always going to hurt her like this Dean. It didn't matter if it was on this path or yours. It's what you do to make it up to her that can fix it." Then he vanishes. I am the worst kind of person. The kind that hurts the one he loves the most._


	23. Chapter 23

Lara's POV

Sex has just a distinctive smell. Maybe it's because I've had so much of it unwillingly that I can smell it a mile away, and he reeked of it when I came home. I can tell he's upset and ashamed for sleeping with her but he doesn't need to be. Just because we share a room doesn't mean he can't have normal relations with whoever he wants outside of it. I know they both have a history so it's not like he just hooked up with some random girl at a bar. I can hear him trying to keep himself together behind me and I feel bad. I should roll over and tell him everything is fine and I'm not angry but I'm too upset to comfort him right now. I have no right to make him suffer because my feelings are hurt when he didn't even know my feelings would be hurt but I am just not strong enough to take care of him and me right now. At least he's not leaving tomorrow. That would have been too much for me. I would have put on a brave face and said goodbye with a smile but after he left I would have lost it. Sam told me not to worry that Dean regrets what he did and wouldn't be leaving. But seeing them at the kitchen table together like a family having dinner made me sad for them all. There was nothing to regret. They are a family and they looked right and good together.

_I look around and I'm in a bar. It's not a bar I recognize so I assume that this is one of those dreams. I look to my left and Sam is sitting next to me taking a sip of his beer laughing at some joke Dean just made. I look to my right and Dean is finishing a shot and getting up for another drink. I look down and I'm horrified from what I am wearing. I don't think Cas ever told me I was such an interesting dresser when I was younger. I have an old tight Guns n Roses t shirt on but I have cut it up and used safety pins to make it different. I basically just covers my chest and that's about it. I'm wearing black cargo pants and a pair of chucks. This is definitely different then the clothes I wear has a mother. _

_ I'm not sure what time frame this is but it's early. Sam is with us and it feels like we just finished up some kind of hunt. My eyes follow Dean to the bar and I see him flirting with the blonde busty bartender. Sam tries to distract me with a joke but I swat at him and watch Dean leave with her._

_ "Lara?" He asks me quietly. "What Sam?"_

_ "I'm sorry. He doesn't know how you feel about him and well he's an idiot." I don't want to hear this right now. I start to cry. He puts his arm around me. "Lara you grew up with me you are my little sister despite what any blood test would say and I know you better than anyone. I'm not blind I know how you feel about him. He likes you to but you both are too dense to say anything."_

_ I look at him angrily. "Yea apparently he likes me so much he's going to go plow a bartender instead of me!" Sam looks sad and I want to apologize for beings so mean. I feel the tears coming down my face and I need to leave. I push his arm off my shoulder and jump up. Before he can stop me I push him back down. "I'll meet you back at the motel. I just need to get some air." _

_ Outside is better. The night is cool and I can feel the stuffiness of the bar dissipate. I see that the impala is still in the parking spot. Shit, I hope nothing bad happened. He left 20 minutes ago the car should be long gone. I debate with myself of letting him suffer whatever supernatural consequences have obviously gotten him and the bimbo or going over and making sure everything is ok. I decide to go over and check on the car and make sure there is no foul play._

_ Big mistake. There was a very good reason the car hadn't left yet. They hadn't left yet. It took just a moment to notice they were both naked in the back seat. He is so scrubbing that backseat spotless before I get back in there tomorrow. I turn around and run back to the motel crying._

_ I few hours later I hear him come back into the room. Sam has been back for a long time and he tried to make me feel better but I was too pissed and he's asleep now. I have been sitting on the couch thinking up all kinds of things I could say to him when he comes in and I forgot them all when he shuts the door. I just look at him. "Dean, I know you slept with her." And I roll over so he can't see my face. I hear him go into the shower._

_ I wake up and I'm somewhere new. Cas is standing next to me outside of my house. "I know that it hurt what he did in that bar. But on this path you guys work it out and this is where it ends up." And he's gone. I walk into the front door and look into the living room. John, Cole, and Gabe are playing a video came and Luke and Rick are passed out on the couch. Cas, well a different Cas then the one who just talked to me outside, is sitting on the lazy boy with a game remote in his hand too. The ones awake look back at me as I come in. Gabe jumps up and runs up to me and gives me a tight hug. "Hey Mommy! Uncle Cas came by today. He took us to the park and let us ride the go karts! Did you miss us?" _

_ I lean down and give him a kiss. "Of course I did sweet heart. I had some left over cupcakes I'll put them in the kitchen and you guys can have some when you want." He smiles at me and runs back to the game. Cas looks up at me and smiles and I wave at him._

_ I drop the cupcakes off in the kitchen and I head upstairs. I hear Daphne and Dean talking upstairs. We had to build an addition onto the house when she was born because we were running out of space and I told Dean it was important that she have her own room. So we built a play room, another bedroom, and a full bathroom off the kitchen downstairs. We moved John downstairs since he was the oldest so I could still keep an eye on the younger ones at night._

_ Wow, I have never been in a dream where Daphne wasn't a little baby. She's about 3 and half and her room looks just like something out of a fairy tale. She has a canopy bed and everything is pink and lavender. Daphne is sitting next to a little tea table that we got her for Christmas and Dean is sitting on the ground Indian style next to her. When they notice me Daphne gets up and runs over to me and I catch her has she jumps up. "Mommy! Mommy! Daddy and I had the whole day together. We played dolls and now we're having a tea party! Come have some tea mommy." I kiss her forehead and rock with her for a moment then I put her back down. I walk over to the table and take a seat next to Dean. He leans over and kisses me._

_ "Cas stopped by and took the boys out so I thought I could have a daddy daughter day. How was your day? I missed you." He gave me a cocky grin and a wink and kissed me again. I can't do this right now. It's not much. _

_ "Oh my day was fine. I delivered all the cakes and stuff." He leans and kisses me again and Daphne starts to make icky sounds. "Ew Daddy gross." I can't do this right now. I just can't see this. I start to stand up but Dean grabs my hand and gives me a concerned look._

_ "I'm sorry I have a bit of headache. I am going to go lay down." Dean lets my hand go and I leave the room. I hear Dean stand up and talk to Daphne. "Just a minute sweetie I am going to go check on mommy." Dammit I don't want him near me right now. It's too much on my emotions._

_ I try to get to our room before he shows up but has I start to shut the door he pushes it open. I try not to cry this Dean won't understand why I am upset but I can't stop myself. When he notices I am crying he shuts the door quietly behind him and pulls me into him. "What's wrong sweet heart? Did something happen today?"_

_ I have no clue what to say. How do I tell him that this is fake and in my world he just slept with the woman he's suppose to be with there. "Nothing's wrong. You and Daphne were just so cute when I came up the stairs and I need a minute." He seems to buy it and pulls me back and gives me a passionate kiss._

_ "Why don't you lay down for a bit? You got up so early this morning. If you can't sleep come back in." He kisses me again and leaves. I shut the door and turn around and lean against it. I slide down the door and sit down and I start to sob._

"Wake up Lara. It's just a dream." I hear has I start to wake up. I look around and I'm back in my room at Bobby's. I reach over and turn on the lamp and wait for my eyes to adjust to the light. Dean is sitting up in bed and I can tell he's worried. "You have been sobbing uncontrollably for about 10 minutes. Are you ok?" I shake my head yes. "Are you sure? I have been shaking you and you didn't wake up."

I give him a weak smile. "I'm sorry I didn't wake up but I'm fine now. Let's just go back to bed." I turn on the light and roll over to face the wall again.

_The music is too loud and the lights are to low I can hardly see anything but I can feel myself getting crushed in a sea of humanity. Oh not this mission. I hated this mission. This one is one of the many reasons why I don't get to have Dean and my children. I'm in Vegas and I hate Las Vegas. Every time I come here something horrible happens. The demon controlling me isn't happy. She keeps pushing me further and further until I am stuck so far in my own mind I don't know what's going on._

_ I come too and I'm in a bathroom stall. I am pinned against the door and my legs and wrapped around some guy's waist and he's pounding me against the door. I hear my voice moaning and telling him to go faster but it's not me. Looks like she got another idiot's soul. The poor bastard won't know what hit him in 10 years when she shows up to collect. By the look of him I doubt he'll remember this night tomorrow. I hope it was worth it._

_ When he finishes the demon wearing me gives me a devilish grin. "Is that all you wanted to do to me?" She asks him seductively. I hate her the most. She always has them go a step further. Using me once is never enough for her. "Shut up six! I am making sure I give them what they paid for."_

_ He turns me around and takes off my skimpy excuse for a dress and bends me over. Before he starts anything I feel him put something on my back and sniff it up. Oh great the guy is also doing drugs this should be enjoyable. Once he's done and stops for a second and I am assuming he's noticed my scars. "What the fuck happened to your back?"_

_ I have no control of my body and she whips me head around and winks at him. "I like it rough." She says seductively. I can see him through my eyes start to look excited and aroused. "Well I can make it rough." I try to stop looking and feeling. I try to pull myself into my own mind and just pretend this isn't happening. I am almost successful too. Almost, but before I can fully pull away he's pounding into me again._

_ I come too in the stall and it's just me and the demon now. The man had just left and he even flung a couple of bucks at us. We're still naked minus my mile high heels. "Why does my head hurt so badly?" I ask her._

_ She laughs at me. "He was pushing your head pretty hard against the wall. I wouldn't be surprised if you have a concussion." This is why I never get to be with him I think to myself has the demon continues to laugh._

"For God's sake Lara wake up!" I sit up with a jolt and let out a loud scream. I am in pain everywhere. My head is splitting and my nether region feels like it's on fire. I can't seem to stop screaming. Dean tries to calm me down but I can't stop. "Lara calm down. You're awake. Look around your in bed at Bobby's." I finally stop screaming and he pulls me into a hug.

I push him off quickly and jump out of bed. "Don't touch me!" I yell at him. I frantically look around for my dress to put on but I notice I'm in my pajamas. "I'm so gross!" I scream out and I slide down the wall and start to sob again.

Dean jumps out of the bed and sits in front of me on the floor. "I'm so disgusting don't look at me!" I scream at him and I try to swat him away. He refuses to budge. He doesn't touch me but he doesn't leave either. I start to calm down and stand up on shaky legs. I know I am shaking and my voice comes out very weak. "I'll be back. I just need to shower."

He reluctantly shakes his head and he opens the door for me. He's careful not to even brush against me and I stumble down the hallway to the bathroom. I turn the water as hot as it can go and I climb into the shower with my clothes on. When the water starts to burn my skin I stop shaking and I start to peal my clothes off. I can't stop crying. It just proves that I have no right to be upset with Dean for sleeping with Lisa. He would be leaving tomorrow and be happy with her and Ben if he didn't feel like he had to take care of me. I'll tell him he has to go with them tomorrow when I get out of the shower. I scrub my body until it is raw and I step out of the shower. I dry off and wrap my towel around me and head back to our room.

When I enter the hallway I hear Lisa talking to Dean. "So that is what you want to leave me for? For a girl who can't stop screaming in her sleep."

"Shup up Lisa." He growls at her

"No I won't shut up. You're fucking that slut aren't you? I knew you were lying when you told me otherwise. I can see it in your eyes that you have been with her. Were you lying when you said you didn't know her when we were together too? Does she lay in your arms laughing at night at the home she wrecked?"

"Stop it Lisa. When we were together she was being held prisoner in a demon body farm and they were passing her around from demon to demon making her do all kinds of horrible shit that you couldn't even imagine in your worst nightmare. When she lays in my arms at night she is usually crying trying to forget the nightmare she has lived she didn't even know about you. And one more thing, if you call her a slut one more time I will break my only rule of not hitting a woman and I will hit you. Am I being perfectly clear? I think you should wake Ben up and leave now. It's almost daylight so you should be safe to travel." I had never heard Dean that angry before.

I hear a smashing sound and I assume Lisa threw something at him and she comes running out of our room. She stops right in front of me in the hall. "You win! You can take him whore!" I punch her right in the face.

Dean comes running out of the room when he hears Lisa fall to the ground. He looks at Lisa in shock and then looks up at me. Once the shock wears off he gives me an approving nod. "Well I guess I don't have to break my rule after all." He steps over her and grabs my hand and takes me back into our room. "I'm sorry about what she said."

"It's ok. You didn't say it." I find a clean shirt in my drawer and I put it on over my towel and pull on a clean pair of panties too. I can hear Lisa waking Ben up next door and I can tell they are getting ready to leave. "You should say bye to Ben." I tell him.

He shakes his head in agreement and I hear him go downstairs. I crawl back in bed and I pull myself into a tight ball and try to go back to sleep. He defended me to her I thought maybe she's not the one for him on this path, and a smile crept over my face.


	24. Chapter 24

Cas POV

Dean Winchester may be my best friend but he is also the biggest pain in my ass! One would think that trying to keep Raphael from restarting the apocalypse would be the biggest pain. Or maybe trying to keep the demons from opening purgatory would be. But no it's one tiny little human who can't seem to get his act together!

He finally realizes he loves Lara and what does he do? He goes out and bangs Lisa! I know he did it to push Lara away because deep down he doesn't think he's good enough for her but if he would open those damn eyes of his he would see that she is just as in love with him.

Lisa and Ben have just ran out of the house. Apparently Jimmy's daughter has a pretty good right hook. I have been waiting a good 12 hours for them to leave so I could talk to this idiot by himself. I feel bad for Ben. He seems to really miss Dean and I can tell he doesn't want to leave yet with his mom. Once he shuts the door I appear behind him. When he turns around he seems surprised to see me. I'll give him surprised! I punch him in the face. "That's for being an idiot!" I yell at him.

"What the fuck Cas!" He says has he grabs his nose. Sam wakes up in a bit of daze and looks around the room.

"You Dean! After she forgave you yesterday for almost killing her in your sleep you go and sleep with Lisa. Do you want to end up alone?"

"I think he does." Sam mumbled has he got up and went into the bathroom.

"So you were in my dream last night? Stay out of my head Cas!" He yelled at me through his hands.

"Of course I was in your dream. I had to show you that you can fix this. You're just so stubborn." I want to hit him again but I restrain myself.

"Why do you care who I sleep with? It's not any of your business."

I punch him again. "It is my business. She's Jimmy's daughter and I am suppose to protect her. Which is very difficult to do when you keep hurting her!"

"Dammit Cas! I'll let the first two slide but if you punch me again I'm going to hit back! I don't mean to hurt her. Do you think I wanted to wake up and find myself choking her? And the Lisa thing just kind of happened."

Before I could respond Sam came out of the bathroom. "Enough bullshit Dean! The Lisa thing didn't just kinda happen." He said making those quotation marks that piss Dean off so much, I try not to laugh. "You're doing what you always do. When someone gets too close to you try to push them away. You do this with any girl you're interested in. You're afraid that she might have feelings for you too and that scares the crap out you. The choking her thing was an accident. She forgave you but you don't think you deserve her forgiveness so you're going to keep doing dumb shit like this until you push her away. I'm your brother Dean and I'm with you 24/7 I know your MO."

He took the sentiments right out of my mouth. Dean looks pissed. He wants to say something witty and cocky back but I can tell he doesn't have a thing to say. He sits down on the couch and I guess the fighting woke up Bobby too because he opens his door and comes flying into the mess. "You God damned idjit!" And he hits him upside the head.

"What was that for? Is this beat up Dean Day or something?" Dean yells at Bobby.

"For sleeping with Lisa when what you should be doing is apologizing to Lara, my niece may I add, for being an idjit. Everyone here besides you two seem to know that you're in love with her. So instead of trying to ruin it before it starts why don't you just risk it and see what happens." Bobby looks over at Sam. "Is this why she was so quiet at dinner and looked like she had been crying?" Sam shakes his head yes and Bobby hits him again and mutters. "Fucking idjit."

Dean seems to have had enough because he stands up and throws his arms up in the air. "Fine I do love her! Are you all fucking happy? Every night I have to sleep next to her and I can't touch her the way I want too. Every night I go to sleep and I have these dreams of what our life was suppose to be and I can't have it. So what do you guys want from me?"

I didn't know he was having them too. I messed up telling them about it. "Dean I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you both about that other life. It's been haunting you both and I'm sorry. I like to think I'm your best friend so all I want from you is that you try and be happy and stop messing your life up on purpose."

"What do you mean it's been haunting you both? Is she having these dreams too?" Dean asks me. I can feel the anger starting to rise in him.

"Yes, she does have them sometimes. They are hard on her. "This time Dean lunges at me and hits me in the face.

"No shit they're fucking hard on her! She was trapped for 20 years in a prison where demons used and abused her. And now she has to see how picturesque her life could have been if Zachariah never took her! Does she see the kids?"

I deserved the punch, just like he deserved the two I gave him. I shake my head yes. "Yes she does. I asked her if she wanted me to take it away. She told me not to touch the dreams. I didn't know you both would be able to see it. I feel horrible about it."

Sam and Bobby both give me confused looks and Dean rubs his face with his hands and tries to calm down. "She hates me anyways. Last night she told me she knew I slept with Lisa. And when she woke up screaming the second time she told me not to touch her." He frowns at the last part.

"Did you listen to everything she said Dean?"

"Yea she said not to touch her and not to look at her."

He is such an idiot sometimes I can't even believe it. "You weren't listening to her Dean. She said not to touch her because she was gross. She said not to look at her because she was disgusting. She didn't say a thing about you. She was a having a nightmare. She wasn't telling you that you were gross and disgusting even though she should have after you slept with Lisa. She was talking about herself."

It seems to finally dawn on him. "Ok so how did I fix it?" He asks me.

"You got to figure that out for yourself Dean. I can't tell you have to fix it." I could tell him what he did on the other path but I am going to make him work for it. "I have something else I need to talk to you all about."

Sam and Bobby take a seat while Dean continues to pace behind the sofa. "I know you were attacked a few nights ago by a demon. They want Lara back so they use her to hold the souls of purgatory. I don't know…"

"Well we're not going to let them get even near her!" Dean yells before I can finish. Sam and Bobby give each other a knowing glance.

"I know you won't as I was saying I don't know if she can even do that but they seem to think she can. And there is another problem." I hear Dean and Sam both moan in unison. "Raphael wants to take you both and restart the apocalypse."

Dean lets out a laugh. "Even if they had us they still need us to say yes. So what good would it do just to take us?"

"If they got Lara Dean how many times would they have to hurt her for you to say yes to make them stop?" His face falls and he goes silent. "I have an idea but I need a few days to flush it out. Dean I want you to take Lara and go somewhere else. Everything under the sun knows this is where you all relax between hunts. So take her somewhere far away from here that doesn't have any demonic activity. I don't care if you guys end up just going on a hunt but please don't let any demons see her. They are all looking for her now."

Sam stands up, "Ok, I'll get my stuff together and we'll get Lara up and we can be gone in 30 minutes."

I walk over to Sam and put my hand on his shoulder and make him sit back down. "No Sam. I need you to stay here and do some research for me. Anyways it's better if you are not together. If they get one of you then the other one still has a chance of getting them out. I know you guys don't' like to be separated but I promise if you give me a few days I'll have a plan." I don't think they will like my plan but it might work if she agrees to it.

"Ok, I'll go wake her up I guess. Where should I take her?"

"I don't know Dean! Go on vacation see a mountain or go to the desert. I don't care just don't let any demons find you while you're doing it!" He is really wearing on my last nerve. Dean stomps into the kitchen. "Where are you going? You said you were going to wake her up and get her out of here!"

"You also said I had to fix it with her so I am starting with breakfast!" Dean yelled at me from the kitchen. I could hear the cabinet doors being opened and slammed and Dean cussing under his breath.

Sam stands up and laughs. "What are you playing at Cas? I know you don't need me for research. And I know that we would all be safe here a few more days."

I give him one of my rare true grins. "I'm doing your job Sam. On that other path you find a way to make those two tell each other how they feel. I'm just trying to make it happen." Sam laughs and I disappear. I think him and I are starting to become friends.


	25. Chapter 25

Dean's POV

"You have to fix it Dean." I mutter to myself under my breath has a slam another cupboard shut. Where the hell do they all get off telling me off! And where does Sam get off telling me I do dumb shit like this to push people away? Dammit he says it because it's true. So what do they want from me? For me to go up there get on my knees and tell her I love her. Great idea Dean the morning after you slept with someone else.

I pour the milk into the bowl and start to mix the eggs. If there is one thing that girl likes it's food and I am going to bribe her with it if I have too. I don't cook a lot and if anyone ever asks me I don't cook at all but I can make something's and French toast is one of them. I honestly don't know if she'll forgive me and eat it. If I were her I would throw it back in my face and tell me to leave.

What could she have possibly been dreaming about last night the second time? Cas is right. When I think back she told me not to look at her or touch her because she was gross and disgusting. Why would she say such a thing? She one of the kindest most beautiful people I have ever meet. Don't you dare go chick flick on me now Dean! I put the French toast on a plate and pour some syrup on it. I put it on a tray with a cup of cranberry juice and I leave the kitchen. I stop at the bottom of the stairs. I should have flowers.

There isn't much growing outside of Bobby's house except weeds but I guess they will do. I pick a few dandelions and bring them back inside and put them in a juice cup and put them on the tray. Sam looks at me and smiles as I take the tray upstairs. I open the door and I see that she is sound asleep. If Cas didn't order me to get her out of here for her own good I wouldn't wake her up. I put the tray down on my side of the bed and walk over to hers. Her necks is still bruised and it makes me guilty all over again. I shake her shoulder lightly and wait for her to wake up.

Her eyes slowly open and I'm hit with their beauty but I notice the sadness and despair in them too. "Hey Lara, I brought you some breakfast. When you're up we got to talk. Cas came by and he needs us to leave immediately." She sits up in bed and looks around frantically.

"What's wrong? Why do we need to leave?" She asks me on the verge of a panic attack.

"It's ok, nothing is wrong right now. Cas said that he needs us to leave town for a few days until he comes up with a plan. He found out the demons want you so they can use your body to hold the souls of purgatory." I can see she is about to start panicking. "Don't worry I won't let anything happen to you. We are just going to leave for a bit and wait for Cas to tell us the plan."

She slowly starts to calm down and she looks at the tray next to her and she smiles. "Did you make me breakfast?"

I can't help but turn deep red. "Yes, it's French toast. If it's not good you don't have to eat it." She picks up the plate and takes a bite and moans like she does when she likes a new food. She puts the plate down and takes a sip of the cranberry juice and notices the dandelions. She picks them up and smiles. "Lara I wanted to say sorry about…"

"Not right now Dean. I just want to enjoy the moment. We can talk about the other stuff later. So where are we going?" She asks trying to change the subject.

I start to pull stuff out of my drawers and put them in my bag. "He said we can go anywhere as long as there isn't a lot of demon activity. Anywhere you always wanted to go?"

Her eyes get large with excitement and she yells out "Seattle!"

"Seattle? What you got a Kurt Cobain fetish I don't know about?"

She gives me a confused look. "Kurt Cobain? Who is that? I just saw a picture of it once and I liked it. It had the ocean, mountains, and that strange looking building. I've never been in the mountains and I've never been in the ocean. This way I can do both!"

She is too excited for me to say no. "Ok Seattle it is. But just so you know the water there is freezing. It's not like Florida."

She smiles at me and stands up. "We'll I'll just have to be happy with putting me toes in then. Can we go on a boat too? I've never been on one of those before. Oh and can we go into the mountains? Oh and that weird looking building can we go up into that?" Her excitement is very catchy.

"We can do whatever you want." I say with a smile.

She gave me a quick hug to my surprise and made a loud squeal and started to pack her bag. "Tell Sammy to print me pages of stuff to do. I want to do everything." Did she hug me? How can she want to hug me after what I did?

"Will do." I say has I leave the room. She doesn't seem mad at me and that makes me nervous. The little I know about women's emotions is telling me that when she does decide to get angry it's going to be on a nuclear scale. Sam is still sitting on the couch playing on his laptop. "Hey Sammy! Lara wants you to print out some pages on things to do in Seattle. Think you can handle it?"

He gives me a pissed off look. "If you stop calling me Sammy I might."

"What? You let her call you Sammy!"

He looks exasperating. "She doesn't do it just to piss me off. It sounds different coming from her like something a little sister would call their older brother. Not something an older brother says to his little brother just to make him mad."

I put my hands up in front of me signaling a truce but we both know I'm not going to stop calling him whatever the hell I want to. I go out front and start to load up the car with my stuff. I do a quick check of my weapons and I stop. I don't need weapons. I am going on a vacation. Well shit. I don't know how to plan for one of those. I should just bring everything because you never know what could attack you on the road. I go back inside and start to collect different weapons that I have been using to train Lara with and put them back in the trunk. I might has well put her sword in there too. She sure as hell won't be using any knives.

I hear her before I see her. "Thanks Sammy! Bye Uncle Bobby I love you both!" Then I hear a pause they must be talking. "Don't worry we'll be safe and you two better be safe as well." Then I see her come out the door. She is wearing another turtleneck. I know she doesn't want me to see her neck. This one is light pink. With a pair of jeans that are tucked into a pair of knee high boots. Her hair is pulled up into a loose bun and when she turns around to wave at Sam and Bobby I see that she put the dandelions I gave her into the bun. Then I notice a long shiny object in her left hand.

"What's that?" I ask pointing to it.

She throws her bag in the trunk and lifts up the object. "Cas gave this to me just a few moments ago. He said it is an angel blade and that I should practice with it. Even though and I quote Dean sucks at swords." She welds it experimentally in her hands and hands it off to me. "Might has well put it in the trunk for now. I don't think I can wear that thing around with getting a little attention." Cas must be worried if he's giving her one those.

We get situated in the car and Sam and Bobby both come out to say bye to us one last time. Then we can hit the road. She looks happy but I can tell she's tired. She didn't sleep well last night. I can't believe she put the flowers in her hair. Before I know what I am doing I reach out and lightly touch one. She blushes. "I never got flowers before so I didn't want to waste them."

"They're just weeds. You don't have to like them." Now I feel guilty. The first flowers she gets shouldn't be weeds poking out from some gravel in Bobby's driveway.

Her hands flutter to her hair and she lightly touches one of them. "No, I like them. They look like little suns. They're beautiful."

We drive in silence for a few hours. She enjoys just watching the scenery has we drive. I feel like I should try and explain myself now but I'm too nervous to bring it up. The nerves are making me want to throw up. "Lara" she looks over at me "I feel like I need to explain what happened."

She frowns, I hate being the reason she's frowning. "It's ok Dean. You don't need to explain anything. I saw you guys together. You are a family. I know you love her and I know that if I wasn't too afraid to be on my own you would have left with them today." I can see tears start to well up in her eyes again.

I pull the car off to the side of the road and turn of the engine and look at her. "Well apparently I do need to explain because that's not it at all." She gives me a puzzled look and wipes her eyes. "There was a time when I did love her and I will always love Ben like a son but they aren't my family. You are." Shit did I just say that? "You and Sam and Bobby you guys are my family. I tried with them and it didn't work because it wasn't meant to work. Even if you weren't here I wouldn't have left with them today because we don't fit together quite right. I did sleep with her but it's because I am an asshole. While I was doing it I knew it was wrong but I just couldn't seem…"

Lara silenced me by putting her finger over my mouth. "Dean I don't want to hear about you and her together. I know you regret it because it hurt her."

"Not because it hurt her Lara, it's because it hurt you."

She stops for a moment and I can see the color rise to her face. "I'm fine Dean." She pauses for a moment and I can see she is getting nervous."You don't have to worry about hurting me or upsetting me ok." I try to respond but she gives me a glance that tells me to be quiet. "You saved me from a life of living hell. I owe you my life."

I want to say something but I feel like right now isn't the time to start yapping. "You, Sam, Bobby, and Jody, and hell even Cas are my family too. I would do anything for you guys. The last thing I ever want to do is cause you to feel guilty or angry. Because it's the last feeling I have when I think of you. So please don't try to apologize. Trust me I've done a lot of similar things that I am ashamed of too."

So this is what Cas was trying to tell me about. "You were being possessed at the time. There was nothing you could have done." I tell her gently.

She smirks and looks out the window. "I may have been possessed but I was awake for it. I remember everything I have done. Every person I killed, every person I slept with, everyone person I hurt. There are always choices Dean. I could have killed myself and been done with it but I was too weak to. They told me if I killed myself that I would go to hell where they would torture me every day for eternity." She stops and looks at me with tears in her eyes. "I tried once. About six years ago I had come back from a mission where the demon had me kill mothers and their children. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't even talk for awhile because of the grief. They allowed me to work out for 1 hour every day and there were all kinds of ropes and stuff in there. I tried to hang myself. The demon that found me cut me free and I was punished. But I wanted to die I felt so horrible about what my hands had done I couldn't take it. And I could have stopped it and made sure I didn't hurt anyone ever again."

I put my hand on her shoulder. I'm not sure if she wants me to touch her or not. If she had killed herself then there may have been a chance I would seen her in hell. There may have been a chance I would had tortured her in hell. "None of that was your fault Lara. You need to let it go."

"It was Dean. I could have pushed the demon out. I'm learning how to do it and if I had tried then I could have taken control." To my delight she moves across the seat and lets me hold her.

"Cas just started to teach you that and it almost killed you the first time you did it and he wasn't even resisting you. What I did I was in full control of my body the entire time. There is a very big difference."

She doesn't move for a moment. "It doesn't matter who did what we are good and let's just write it off to a mistake and move on from it. Ok?"

I want to apologize to her over and over again but I can tell she doesn't want that. "Yea, it was a mistake and we won't talk about it again." She seems to relax and she lays back into the seat. I want to talk to her about what she said last night about being gross and disgusting but I think we shouldn't try to tackle every problem in one day.

"I'm starving can we stop for some food soon?" I laugh and shake my head yes. This girl is the only person who can keep up with my appetite.

We had left early in the morning so we got into Seattle pretty late at night. On the car ride we decided to spend a two days in the city and two days in the mountains but she wants a hotel where the room has a soaker tub. That shouldn't be too difficult right? Um that would be a negative. Apparently hotels only have regular tubs these days. It's getting really late and we can't seem to find one. "Dean, it's fine let's just get a room. I don't need a soaker tub. It was just something I said." I can tell she is getting tired.

"No Lara. You said you wanted one so I am going to find it. It shouldn't be this difficult." I had decided we weren't going to stay in our regular run down motels. I have never been on a vacation before and it was going on Jesse Erps credit card. More importantly she has never been on a vacation before and it should be nicer than a charge by the hour motel where you share your room with rats and roaches.

We're driving by the pier and it's late. I'm about to head back into the city when I hear her gasp. I stop since there isn't any traffic and try to see what she's looking at. "Can we stay there? It's right on the water!" She looks too excited for me to say no.

The sign said the Edgewater. You have got to be kidding me. This is where Led Zeppelin had the Red Snapper incident. Sure why the hell not. "If this is what you want sure. I'm not promising anything by the way of a tub though."

"I don't care anymore. The hotel is literally over the water." I pull up and we park out front and grab our bags and head into the lobby. Well this sure has hell beats the shitty motels I usually stay in. We make out way over to the check in desk where an elderly man is working.

When he sees us he smiles and waves us up. "How can I help you both this evening?"

Lara looks positively giddy and keeps moving and looking at everything. "I was hoping for a room for the next two days." The man smiles and starts to clatter away at his computer.

"I'm out of regular rooms but for a nice couple like yourself I will upgrade you to the waterfront suite." The old man gives me a wink while Lara runs off to the fireplace in the lobby. "I think she'll like it."

"That would be great. We've been driving almost all day is there anywhere to get a bite to eat this late?"

"Oh no sir. Most places are closed but we have a room service menu that you can find in your room."

I hand over Jesse Erps credit card and he rings it through. Lara is staring out the window completely transfixed on the view of the moon over the water. "That space needle, is there anything to do there?" I remember her going on and on about it from the papers Sam printed out.

The man smiles at me. "There is a restaurant but you'll want to make reservations and there is a dress code for dinner if you were interested in going."

"Can you make us reservations for tomorrow night?" The man shakes his head yes. "I'll leave you a note under your door."

I pick up our bags and take the room key. "Thanks for your help." And I go collect Lara who can't stop staring outside. "Come on, I'm exhausted." She follows me to the elevator and we go up to our room.

I let her put the key in the door and open it and we are both shocked. "This might be the nicest place I have ever slept."

Lara drops the key card on the floor and starts exploring the room. The guy wasn't kidding when he said a suite. "Dean we have a sitting room with a fire place." Then she disappears into the bedroom. "There's a fire place in the bedroom" then a sort pause. "Dean there is a tub!" She yells at me from the bathroom. I'm glad she is happy. It's been a rough last few days and she needs a good one.

I drop the bags on the bed and she runs back to the sitting room and opens the curtains. "There is a balcony and it looks right over the water!" She squeals at me as I hear the door to the outside open. "You have to come out here it is beautiful." She tells me from the balcony.

Wow it is. The moon is sparkling over the water but I can't stop staring at her. The moon is sparkling off her eyes and she looks so happy and peaceful. She looks at me and pushes into my side with her hip until I put my arm around her. "I'm really glad we came here Dean."

I look down at her. "I am really glad we did too. Let's get some room service and head to bed. The list of things you wanted to do tomorrow is a mile long."

After a very late dinner we both change and get ready for bed. I salt the doors and the windows and come back into the bedroom. She's wearing a night gown I have never seen before. It must have been something Jody made her pick up the day we all went shopping. It's a silk night gown the color of her eyes with a plunging neck line. She has no clue how sexy she looks in and how much I want to jump her right now but the cut is just highlighting what I did to her neck so I am not sure what to expect tonight. I'm not sure if she wants me to sleep on the edge of the bed or possibly even take the couch. Lara starts the fire in the fire place in the bedroom and starts to pull back the covers and get into bed. "Lara do you want me to sleep in here or on the couch?"

She looks at me and laughs while turning off the light. "Open the curtains and get into bed silly. I want to see the sunrise on the water when it happens. And crack the window a bit I want to be able to hear the ocean. The fire is lit so we shouldn't get to cold." I guess that means she doesn't want me to sleep on the couch. I open the curtains and crack the window. I crawl in to the other side of the bed.

I lay there not moving closer to her. The last time we were in bed she told me not to touch her so I'm not going to push my luck. I can hear the water lapping under the window. Her breathing sounds are peaceful but I can tell she's thinking about something. I really hope it's not kicking me out of bed because I'm really comfortable at this moment. After about 15 minutes I feel her start to move and I'm worried she's going to ask me to leave but instead and she moves closer to me and snuggles into my side. "I'm scared. I know we can fight them but I'm still scared. What if they find us and take me back there?" She whispers to me.

I put my arm around her and kiss the top of her head. "I won't let them take you. And with your shooting skills you won't let them take you either."

She laughs for a second then gets serious again. "If they take me don't come after me. They will kill you. I promise I will end it somehow just don't risk your life or anyone else."

I pull her closer to me. "I'm not going to promise that Lara. I will come after you. Cas, Sam, and Bobby will be right next to me. You're part of this family now and we don't leave a man behind."

She relaxes into me. "Thanks Dean. I've never been part of a family before." I smile, I don't think she's mad at me and despite the fact I think she should keep away from me. She trusts me. Perhaps those assholes are right. I need to just let go and stop trying to push her away because right now it sure feels good to pull her closer.

a/n sorry this chapter was kind of gushy. I really didn't intend it to happen but it morphed into it. And for anyone who doesn't know about the red snapper Led Zeppelin incident I recommend looking it up just for a laugh.


	26. Chapter 26

Lara's POV

God this is beautiful. I had been awake for about an hour. When I woke up the sun was just starting to rise and I didn't want to miss it. I pulled on Dean's discarded button down he just throws his clothes where takes them off and grabbed an extra blanket and came outside on the balcony to sit on one of the chaises. I've seen plenty of sunrises but not like this, not with my own eyes like this. The sun is lighting up the water with so many beautiful colors. It seems to be burning the ocean with its heat but the water just stays calm like nothing is happening.

Dean starts to mumble something in his sleep and I turn around to see in the window to make sure he's ok. I hate to admit this but if you can't admit things to yourself who can you? I am really happy he said he wasn't a family with them but he was with me. No Lara his direct quote was you, Sam, and Bobby but hell my name was in there too. I look down at my night gown through his button up. I have no clue what possessed Jody to make me buy this. She told me to keep it for a special occasion and for some reason when I was packing I just threw it in my bag. I hate to say that I wore it to make him notice me. I wanted him to find me pretty and not think about Lisa. I don't know if it worked but in the car he claimed he didn't love her anymore.

"What you doing up so early?" I hear has a hand comes down on my shoulder. I nearly jump out of my skin and relax when I see it's just Dean. I am still a bit jumpy but I think I am getting better. He pushes me forward and slides in behind me on the chaise and pulls me back to relax into his chest. I relax for a moment not wanting to move. He's so warm. "You're freezing why don't you come back to bed." He says has he wraps his arms around me and tries to warm me up.

"I wanted to see the sun come up. I've never seen anything like it before." I can feel him smile into my hair and we just sit there a few minutes. The boats in the water are becoming more frequent now. I guess everyone is starting to wake up and get to work. It feels almost decadent not getting up and getting ready to do something. I've never been able to just relax and do whatever I wanted. "Can we order room service again? I don't feel like going out for breakfast. I want to try out that claw foot bathtub that's sitting in the middle of the bathroom."

I feel him laughing behind me. "I don't think I have ever met someone who likes food has much as I do." He got up to look for the menu I assume but I missed the warmth behind me and I started to shiver. "Oh shit." I hear him swear from the sitting room. I laugh and wait for him to show me what's wrong. He comes back out and leans against the balcony. Without his shirt on the sun seems to glisten off of him. "I asked that guy to make us reservations for dinner tonight at that Space Needle you seemed so excited about. Well he said there was a dress code but I guess I ignored that pertinent fact and he printed it out for me. No jeans and no street shoes. What the hell. I have to dress up to eat?" He looks so offended I couldn't help myself but to burst out laughing.

"Then we will go somewhere else. You don't have to dress up." I can't stop laughing at how incensed he looks. "No, you want to go there. I'll just have to wear dress pants and a nice pair of shoes right? No way in hell I'm wearing a tie." He said muttering to himself has we went back in to the room. He came back with the menu still muttering to himself about the horrors of dressing up. I select what I wanted and looked at the sunrise one last time and go into the bedroom to pull out clothes for the day. I look at myself in the mirror and see that I still have bruising on my neck so it looks like I will be wearing a turtle neck today too. I just don't want him to be staring at it all day and feeling guilty about it.

"Dean I'm headed into the tub. Call me when the food is here." I yell has a start the water. I've never had a bath before. I have seen it on tv and movies and I really wanted to try it out. I just don't get why this one doesn't have any bubbles. "Dean can you come in here I think the tub is broken."

He comes sauntering into the tub and looks at the water flowing out of it. "It seems to be working just fine what's wrong?"

"The bubbles are broken. Isn't it supposed to get all filled with bubbles?"

He starts to laugh and digs around on the bathroom counter for a bottle and brings it over to the tub. "You have to put some soap into it for the bubbles to start. Take this and pour the bottle into it and I promise that you will have bubbles." I start to blush. How could I have been so stupid to think the bubbles just appear? He must have noticed that I feel embarrassed because he flings his arm around my shoulder and gives me a hug. "If you've never had a bath before how would you know? Just enjoy it and I'll tell you when breakfast comes." I bet Lisa would never make that kind of stupid mistake.

Once he leaves I take off my clothes and slowly slip into the water. Wow, this feels nice. No wonder people on the television seem to enjoy it so much. I feel every muscle in my body start to relax as I lean back into the porcelain of the tub and let the hot water do it's magic and I start to drift off.

_"Six I swear to God if you don't shut up in there I am going to do something very uncomfortable to your body!" Azazeal yells at me. I try to stop crying and I try to force my eyes from watching the woman burning alive on the ceiling but he won't stop gloating. The smell is horrible and her cries are going to ever be etched in my mind. _

_ No one but the mom was home and there is a baby crying in the crib. "Please get the baby! I don't ask much from you. Just save the baby." I can see the fire starting to lick the crib. The baby is screaming and it's breaking my heart. "Please Azazeal just pick up the baby! What was the point of coming here and putting blood in its mouth if you're going to let it die?"I try to move my legs but he's too strong and I'm too weak. I see the flames start to engulf the crib and the baby starts to scream harder._

_ "If he was strong enough he would be able to stop the fire himself. He's not worth saving." Azazeal makes my body turn away and leave the baby in the crib while I try to fight him tooth and nail to go back._

"Woah there you go. You're back with me." I feel a pair hands grab me out of the water and grab me while putting a towel around my shaking body.

"Where, who, why, huh?" Is all I can get out.

"Seattle, the Edgewater, you're in the tub, on vacation with me, and you just had a nightmare." I start to mumble the facts to myself. It helps if I can grab on to reality after a dream like that.

"I'm in Seattle. I'm in a hotel. I was taking a bath. I am with Dean. The baby isn't here. No one was burning on the ceiling. The baby isn't here." I mutter to myself. Something I say get's Dean's attention and he stops rubbing my arms with the towel.

A confused look comes across his face. "What did you say about someone burning on a ceiling and a baby?"

I start to panic. I hated those missions so much. They were horrible. I stumble over my words. "This demon, he would, well he would take me and we would, there was blood and then the fires and people died." Dean pulls my shaking body into his and rubs my back.

"It's ok just take a minute and tell me what happened."

I try to collect my thoughts but they are scattered all over the place right now. It's still too close to the dream for me to separate it from right now. It starts to piece itself back together slowly. "This demon would sometimes take my body out. It was pretty rare but when he did I would hear somethings in his thoughts about someone getting to close to finding him and he needed a different body. We would sneak into people's homes at night and he would cut my finger and bleed into babies mouths. When the mom would inevitably wake up and come to check on her baby he would throw her on the ceiling and burn her alive. If no one came to save the baby he would let them burn alive in their cribs. It was horrible. I would try to fight him and save the child but I wasn't strong enough. I could hear them crying and there was nothing I could do."

He continues to comfort me. "Hush, it was a long time ago and I happen to know that demon is dead now. We killed him years ago."

I look up at him confused. "You knew him?"

Dean's face seems to fall. "He was the one who killed my mom and he bleed into Sammy's mouth when he was a baby. It was probably my dad he was hiding from when he would take you out on missions."

I feel like I was hit by a mac truck. I try to pull away from him but he keeps his arms firmly around me. I feel dirty like I need to shower again. Why is he holding me when I helped the demon that killed his mom kill other mothers? I try to get free but he just holds on tighter and I can't hold myself together anymore and I start to cry. "It's ok. You didn't do anything wrong. There was nothing you could have done for those children. If he wasn't wearing you he was going to wear someone else."

I know my children aren't real but I can't help but imagine if one of them were the babies in the fire. I feel my stomach start to churn at the memories of it all and I feel myself start to gag. Dean must know I am about to throw up because he quickly turns me around and gets me to the toilet before I throw up all over him. When I'm done I'm cold and naked shaking over the toilet. I feel a towel being wrapped around me and strong pair of hands pick me up and carry me to the bed. He pulls the covers up around me and kisses my forehead. "Just relax for a bit." I try to stand up but he easily pushes me back down. I hear a knock on the door and I flinch. "It's just room service. I'll be back in just a minute."

He leaves the room and I hear him talk to the boy bringing in the food. Once he shuts the door and latches it he comes back into the bedroom and lays down in the bed next to me and pulls me closer to him. "They were just babies Dean. I can still hear them screaming." I cry out has I push my face deeper into his chest.

"When I was in hell there was a lady who killed her children there with me. Every day I would torture her and every day she would tell me how she killed her kids and got caught by the cops and was executed. She is one of the only ones that when I look back I don't feel guilty for hurting. That lady without help from any demon or supernatural creature killed her children so that her new boyfriend would like her because he didn't like kids. What pissed her off is that she never got to be with her boyfriend not that she hurt her kids. She was evil. She deserves to feel guilty and suffer knowing what she did. You had no choice. It may have been your body but you had no control over it. It's his guilt not yours. You can't blame yourself for something you didn't do. You are the least malicious person I have ever met. I know if you could have you would have ran into the fire and burned yourself alive saving those children. You just have to let it all go."

I can't just let it go. It's part of me. It's ingrained in every scar my body has and every memory I have. I don't know how long we have laid here but I start to calm down. The crying stops coming so hard and the tears start to dry up. He hasn't moved from the spot next to me. "Do you want to try to eat something? The food is probably cold but we can head out for the day." I shake my head yes and wait for him to move first. Once he leaves to get the food I start to put my clothes on. I doubt he ever had to worry about Lisa having nightmares likes this. How can he stand it?

We eat in silence but I can feel him watching me. He's worried I am going to lose it again. I can't eat much. It just tastes wrong after my dream. I push it around my plate for a bit and Dean gets up and gets ready. "Come on get that list of yours and let's see what kind of trouble we can get ourselves in to."

I know he is trying to keep my busy on purpose to try and distract my mind and he seems so excited about everything even though I know it's just a show he's putting on for me but I start to relax and get excited myself. We went through the Experience Music Project museum and had a blast. We both couldn't stop laughing at the exhibit on horror films. If only the people around us knew that most of the monsters were real. I had never been through a museum before and Dean said he hadn't either but he also said this was not like the normal boring places that Sam would try and force them to go has kids.

We head back downtown to the big market and there are almost too many people. It's still hard for me being in crowds in my own skin. It's like sensory overload. He can tell I'm nervous because he puts his arm around my shoulders and slows down to a slow pace and keeps people from bumping into me. There are entire stands of just food and I want to try it all. "Please can I go to the fruit stand? I've never had a raineer cherry, or an apricot" I keep looking around and I see a bunch of things I've never had before.

He hands me some money. "Get whatever you want. I'll be right back. So don't leave this stall ok?" I shake my head excitingly and pick the fruits I want to try. The man serving me seems more than happy to help me pick things out. I finish up and pay and turn around and I don't see Dean. He told me not to move from this stall but that had to be a while ago and he should have been back by now. I start to panic. I don't even remember which way we came from. I feel a hand touch my shoulder and I turn around ready to throw a punch when to my surprise it's just Dean. "So whatcha get?"

I start to dig through my bags and go over all the fruit I had picked out. "To be honest I don't even know." I saw with a laugh. His left arm is hiding behind his back and I try to see what he's hiding. He laughs at me trying to peak and finally he pulls his hand back and he's holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

A large smile spread across my face and pull the flowers to my nose and inhale. He starts to blush and he gets really fidgety. "Thank you Dean. They are beautiful."

"I felt bad. You said you had never gotten flowers before and Dandelions aren't flowers. So now you can say you have gotten them." He seems nervous like I might not like them or something. I stand up on my tippy toes and kiss his cheek and he blushes deeper. "Thanks, their wonderful."

We head further into the market and a fish goes flying right in front of me. I pause, my hand reaches back into my holster to pull my gun. Dean stops me from drawing and I notice that it's just people selling fish and throwing them around. At the end of the market there is a sign for a Creperie. "Can we eat there?" I ask pointing to the sign with the Eiffel tower in it.

Dean looks at it and shrugs. "Sure why not. I don't like French food though."

I start to laugh. "That's what you said when we went to Paris but you had no problem eating it.." Oh shit. I fucked up beyond repair now. I feel my face turning red. The nervous tears start to come to the surface on my eyes and the seconds are going by like hours.

Dean seems a bit shocked but he recovers. "You have them too." He says quietly. He grabs my hand and takes me away from the loud crowd. "Cas told me that you have the dreams too. I have them sometimes."

That was an unexpected turn of events. I thought I was the only one having them. "You have them too? You've seen the kids then?"

He looks sad for a moment then he starts to smile. "Yea I have. They are great. I mean John is just so.."

"Sweet. And Gabe and Cole they are just so.."

"Funny. And Luke and Rick they are just so.."

"Mischievous they are always getting into trouble. Then there is Daphne and she is.."

"So sweet and wants to be like one of the boys." Dean says with a smile. I can't believe he's seen them. It makes them just a bit more real to me. "They are just getting harder to wake up from. You know?"

Oh how I know. I give him a sad smile. "They are the worst and best nights of my life. I get to see them and how I could have been well how we could have been then I have to wake up and see the scars on my back or remember something a demon did with me and it hurts even more. "

I can tell that Dean is getting uncomfortable with the conversation. It's too emotional and he doesn't like to get emotional in front of people. For a second I think he might cry but he shakes it off and smiles at me. "I know what you mean. Let's get some food and head back so we can relax and get ready for dinner."

I drop the subject because talking about them is hard for me too. The more I talk and think about them the harder it is for me to accept they aren't real. We eat in silence and head back to the hotel. We have a few hours before dinner but we both just wanted to relax for a bit. We cuddle up on the couch and turn on the tv and watch it for a bit.

I look over at the clock and realize I should start getting ready if we want to be there on time. "Hey I am going to take quick shower and get ready. Do you need the bathroom?"

Dean shakes his head no. "Nope, I'll be fine. But um hey I wanted to um.." He seems a bit nervous. His hands are fidgety and he's stumbling on his words. He puts his hands in his pocket and pulls something shiny out. "I thought this would help you with your nightmares."

He hands it over to me and I look at it. "It's a charm bracelet. I had them put some charms on it. I know when you wake up you like to go over what's real and what isn't. So I thought if you could look at it that you would be able to remember it faster. It's silver which is good. But if you don't like it you don't have to wear it."

I keep staring at it but I can't seem to find the words. It does have a few charms on it. There is a space needle, a horse, a flower, and a car. I look up at him and he seems more nervous and embarrassed then before. I don't know what to say. It's perfect. I lean over and kiss his cheek. "Thank you." I manage to stutter out. I hand it to him and put my wrist in front of him. "Please put it on me." I ask him.

He takes the bracelet and I can tell he's nervous because his hands are shaking a bit and he clasps it on my wrist. I look down and I smile. "Dean this is amazing. I don't even know how to say thank you. It's so perfect."

He blushes again and tries to shake it off. "I'm glad you like it. Why don't you go get ready?" I slowly stand up and I can't stop staring at it. It's so pretty and I can see all the things I have accomplished. I've been on a vacation now. I have been horseback riding and I've driven car. I've also had my first flower. And now my first gift.


	27. Chapter 27

Dean's POV

I have never gotten anyone a piece of jewelry before. I almost lost my nerve and didn't give it to her, but Cas telling me to fix it kept running through my head. I saw it in the market and I knew I should get it for her. Every time she wakes up from a dream and starts to chant what reality is it breaks me to hear her so confused. I thought it would help her remember that she is out of there and is stronger now. The look on her face when I gave it to her makes me glad I did. She looked so happy and her eyes lit up. I have it bad. I can't say anything though. She deserves an amazing guy who will take care of her and give her a great life , the kind of guy who doesn't choke her in her sleep or have sex with an ex girlfriend. God I am such an idiot.

I finish getting dressed. I still can't believe I have to wear my FBI clothes to go get dinner. This is America for God's sake! Aren't we the nation of McDonalds? How come I have to dress up? I put the pants on and button the shirt up leaving the collar a bit loose because I hate the feeling of my neck being constrained and throw on the suit jacket. I feel like an ass but I know she really wants to go. I hear the bathroom door open and I look up and my breath feels like it's been kicked out of me. She looks gorgeous. Her hair is down and cascading over her shoulders and down her back. She's wearing a sleeveless dress that has a high neck that covers most of her bruising. It's a loose dress and sways around her body but I can see the swell of her breasts and the curve of her hips. She is short but the high heels she is wearing make her legs look like they go on for miles. And she's wearing my bracelet. She doesn't have any other piece of jewelry I realize, it's just what I gave her. It makes me feel important. She'll always be wearing something of mine even when she's naked. That idea makes me smile to myself. I give her one more glance up and down and let out a loud whistle. "Looking good Lara."

She smiles at me and blushes and picks up a black leather jacket and puts it on. She looks even sexier with the jacket on. It's just a hint of the kick ass side of her. "You look nice too Dean. Even if you are hating every minute off it."

She got me there, but I won't let her know how much I hate it since she is so excited about tonight. "It's worth it to see you looking so good." I say with a wink and a cocky crocked grin. "I had the front desk call us a cab since I didn't see a lot of parking up there earlier today. You ready?"

She takes one last look in the mirror and puts on a thin layer of red lip gloss and smacks her lips together and smiles at me. God I wish those lips were on me. Snap out of it Dean. She walks over to me and I take her arm and we head out. Just like I asked there was a cab waiting for us out front.

The cab drops us off at the front door and I help her exit it and we head inside. I guess I didn't think about the fact that we would have to take an elevator up to the top. We step on and Lara smiles at me nervously. "Do heights bother you?" I whisper to her so the other people in the elevator don't hear us.

She gives me a nervous smile and nods her head. "I don't know yet. I have never been in an open elevator. Do you think they make elevator charms?" She says with a nervous laugh. When the elevator starts to clutches on to me for a moment then starts to relax and watch the scenery outside has we climb up. When we exit she doesn't seem so nervous. "That wasn't so bad. It was pretty to see everything."

I also apparently didn't get the memo that the restaurant spins. The hostess grabs our menus and starts to escort us to our table and tells us to watch our step. I look down and the restaurant is spinning. It's not going fast but it was a bit of surprise. I jump over and Lara gives me a hesitant look and grabs my hand and jumps over. "Well tonight has more firsts than I thought." She said jokingly. They seat us down at a table by the window and Lara becomes hypnotized by the view. "Wow it sure looks different from up here."

We order our food and to my surprise they do have beer, thank God because I wasn't going to start drinking wine! She looks stunning and she keeps staring at me then blushing and looking away. I can tell something is up. "What's going on inside of that head of yours?" I ask her jokingly.

She gives me a nervous laugh and rubs her hand over her neck. "Well I know you probably don't want to talk about it but I just wanted to ask you some things about the dreams. Did Cas rat me out? I told him not to say anything because I didn't want him to upset you or add anymore stress on your shoulders."

"He didn't mean to rat you out. He and I were talking and it came up that I was having dreams and he kind of let it slip that you were having them too. Don't worry about telling me anything it's not going to stress me out. Why would it upset me?" She still seems a bit nervous but she is trying to playing it off with a smile. She looks out the window for a minute then back at me.

"I don't know why I thought it might upset you. It's just a strange situation and I know you have a lot going on and I was worried it would be too much for me to add to it. Cas told me he'd take them away if I didn't want them. What do you think about them?"

Reality I love having them. I get to be with her the way I want to be with her. "I don't mind them. They are happy dreams but they are hard to see sometimes. When I wake up it is kind of confusing for a…" wait a minute that time she woke a few nights ago. "That time you kissed me when you woke up were you having a dream?"

She blushes and looks away. I reach out and grab her hands and wait for her to look back at me. "I was. I'm sorry I should have told you then but I was embarrassed. I didn't think you would understand."

Just then the waiter puts our dinner down in front of us. I give him a stern look and he quickly turns away and leaves. "Don't be embarrassed. If our nightmares have to seem so real it's only fair that our good dreams seem real too." She seems to relax and she smiles at me. "Yes our good dreams should feel real too."

After the waiter took our food a photographer showed up at our table. "Get together you two. You can pick up the photo downstairs." Before I can object Lara grabs my hand and leans in and he takes out picture.

"I don't think I've had my picture taken since I was a baby." She says to me with a smile. We head up to the observation desk and enjoy the view from outside. I've never just stopped and enjoyed a place for the place. I'm usually too worried about the current hunt or the next monster. It's not to just take a moment and relax. We look over the edge and she starts to shiver.

"Are you too cold? We can head inside?" She shakes her head no and leans into me. I put my arm around her and we just stand there for a moment.

"If you had told me last year that I would be free from that place and on vacation in a year I would have laughed at you. I didn't think there was a life outside of that place for me, but there is. For the first time in my life I'm happy. There isn't anything I need or want or wish was different it's just so perfect."

Life has been better since she's shown up. "Hey lets head downstairs and head back to the hotel. If we want to make it the mountains in time to see anything tomorrow we have to leave early." We take one more look over the edge and head down. Before we leave she sees out picture at the photo kiosk and gives me a pouty look. I go over and get it for her. We look good in it. If I just saw the picture and didn't know who they were I would think it was just some happy couple.

"Thanks Dean. It nice I'll put it in our room at Bobby's. I look normal don't I? Just like any other girl who had their photo taken tonight?" She looks anything but normal she's too beautiful to be normal but I agree with her and we head outside. I flag down a cab and has we get into the car Lara trips and I hear a snap.

"Are you ok?" I ask her frantically. She gets in the cab and looks down at her ankle. "Yes I'm fine. It looks like I just snapped the heel on my shoe." When we get back to the hotel and pay the driver and quickly walk to her side and help her out. It looks like she is having a hard time walking in one good heel and a broken one and before I can stop myself I scoop her up and carry her inside.

"Dean what are you doing?" She asks me with a laugh. To be honest I'm not sure what I am doing. The man who checked us in the other night is at the desk and he gives me a smile and a wink has I take her to the elevator. "Dean you can put me down now I can walk." She says laughing again.

I shake my head no. "I don't want you to twist your ankle." She throws her head back and laughs and for a moment I think about leaning in and kissing her neck again but I restrain myself. When I get up to the room I fumble with the door for a minute and get us inside. I don't want to put her down. I like how she feels in my arms like this. I look down at her and she stops laughing. She's still smiling but the tone has gotten a bit more serious. She looks into my eyes and for a moment it seems like time stops. She slowly closes her eyes and lifts her chin and I start to lean down to kiss her.

Ring! Ring! God dammit and just like that the moment is ruined. The phone ringing shakes her back to her sense and she starts to blush and fidget. I place her back on her feet and she hurries into the bathroom. I pull out my phone and see that it's Sam. I answer it, "It better be good Sam or I am going to kill you." I snarl at him into the phone.

I can hear him laugh on the other side. "What were you about to hook up with her or something?" I don't respond for a moment. "Holy shit! What is going on over there?"

"Nothing at all. Don't worry about it. What do you want Sam?" I hear the bathroom door open into the bedroom and I assume Lara is getting ready for bed.

"Well I have a hunt for you. Before you can say anything it's not demonic. At the Olympic National Park near the Sul Duc area there have been some strange deaths. A few campers have been found dead with their heads ripped off. It's not a werewolf. I think it's a sasquatch."

I start to laugh. "Seriously Sam? A sasquatch? Have you lost your mind?" I can't seem to stop laughing at him. "Well Dean there are thousands of big foot sightings every year in that area and it's the only thing I can seem to find. Oh and Dean, I can make it up to you.

"Make what up to me you bitch?"

"Ruining your hook up session you jerk. It's been targeting newlyweds. So have fun." With that he hung up the phone. I pull it back and look at it like it's a monster. A Sasquatch that targets newlyweds. Why not!

Lara looks out at me from the bedroom. She's wearing one of my old t shirts again instead of the blue nightgown that I liked so much, but she looks just as sexy wearing nothing but my shirt. "What did Sam want?"

"Apparently a Sasquatch is killing newlyweds in the mountains and he wants us to handle it. So we'll head up the Olympics and kill two birds with one stone. You cool pretending to be newlyweds?" I ask her.

She blushes and nods. "Not a problem. We should get some rest though if we have to start tomorrow. We have a lot of ground to cover and apparently a sasquatch to kill."


	28. Chapter 28

Lara's POV

"You want me to put my baby on that floating death trap? What if it sinks? Or what if a horse get's loose and goes all Ring on us and jumps on my car?" I can't stop laughing. He looks panicked about putting his car on the ferry boat. "What is so funny?" I start laughing harder.

"You, you freak. It's a ferry boat. It's not going to sink, I don't know what the ring is but I doubt a horse is going to trample it. And anyways if the boat sinks I can't swim so we'll probably die with it so you can rest in peace at the bottom of the ocean with your baby. You looked at the map. If we don't take the ferry we will spend all day trying to drive around to get to the same point."

He gives frown and refuses to smile and begrudgingly pulls his baby up in line to get on the ferry boat. "Anyways how is Dean Winchester demon killer expert afraid of boats?"

That gets him grumbling. "I'm not afraid of boats. I just don't like the idea of putting my life and my baby's life in the hands of some idiot driving the thing."

"I promise on our way home we will not take the ferry. We can drive an extra day if we have to but if you want to keep people's heads from getting ripped off your going to need to be ok with it. Don't worry the float over is less than an hour and we'll be back on the open road." I feel bad laughing it just seems so ridiculous. We drive onto the ferry and park. We head up stairs and stand on the back of the ship to watch the city disappear behind us.

He roughly hands me something. "Here put this on before we get to the park. We're supposed to be newlyweds right? I got it at the curiosity shop this morning. It's fake so don't worry about losing it when we're knee deep in Sasquatch." I look down and see a gaudy fake ring. I slip it on my ring finger and look at it. He lets out his first laugh of the day. "You put it on the wrong hand. It goes on your left hand." He grabs my hand and slips it off my right finger and puts in on my left ring finger and he puts on a cheap band too.

I look down and I can't stop but think about my dreams. I always wear a delicate wedding ring in them. "So what's the plan when we get there?"

Dean pulls out a stack of papers and looks over them. "So first we are going to stop at the morgue. Thank god Bobby finished your ID's before we left. We're going to be from animal control trying to figure out what kind of animal is doing it. I just need to take a look at the bite marks and the kind of damage done. Then we are going to head to the park and pretend to be newlyweds and get a cabin. There has to be a reason it is targeted them so we are going to parade around the place for a bit and then go into the woods and see if we can find anything. It looks like decapitation is going to be the way to go. I don't want to be shooting off guns in a well traveled national park and get attention. Decapitation will be quieter and we won't get as noticed. Most the stuff Sammy sent me doesn't seem to help much. Some lore says they are peaceful some lore says they are angry so I really don't know what to expect. Do you have boots? We might have to go hiking?"

Great decapitation! Knives and swords my favorite. "I have some sneakers that should work ok. What names are we going with once we get there? I want to start practicing now so I don't mess up later."

He looks like he's thinking for a minute then responds. "How about Derrick and Lauren Wesson? Same letters and everything shouldn't be too bad. So Mrs. Wesson you ready to enjoy your honeymoon?"

I laugh at him again. "Well Mr. Wesson how couldn't I enjoy it when there are going to be knives and swords involved. Come on let's get inside and go over some details before we dock." We go inside and try to get warm again.

Well that stop did us a whole lot of nothing. The bodies were mangled almost beyond repair. Dean didn't want me going in to see them because he was worried it would upset me but I convinced him I would be fine, maybe that was a mistake. They all had their heads ripped off and it looks like there was claw marks on their necks. So it was using its hands. Like Sam said definitely not a werewolf. "I know we just left the morgue but Dean I'm starving can we get something to eat somewhere?"

Dean gives me a stunned looks and starts to laughing. "And I'm the one who is freak? There's suppose to be a restaurant at Sul Duc we'll get something when we get there Lauren."

I roll my eyes at him. "Whatever you say Derrick." We pull into the lodge and notice that there aren't that many cars there. I guess that the most recent killings have been keeping people away. We park and stroll inside and Dean grabs my hand before we enter.

We walk up to the front desk and he puts his arm around me. "Hi, my girlfriend oh Lauren honey I'm sorry it's just still so new, my wife and I would like to rent a cabin for a few days. We're on our honeymoon." He lifts up our hands and shows off our rings. "And my wife was insistent that we stay here. She had heard all about the hot springs and the falls and said now Derrick that would be the most romantic spot for a honeymoon wouldn't it."

He sounds ridiculous and not at all like Dean but then again he is Derrick Wesson. He leans down and kisses the side of my face. The woman at the counter gives us a sweet smile and starts to look through her computer. "Ok we have a River Suite Cabin available, it's a good spot for a honeymoon." We knew it would be open because that was the cabin the last couple was staying in before they were found dead on one of the trails. Dean smiles at the lady. "Sounds great we'll take it." He pays her cash and we head out to the cabin. It's on the far side and near the woods and the river.

Dean opens the door and picks me up and carries me across the threshold to put a show on for whoever is watching. And says loudly, "Welcome home Sweetie." I remember last night. I thought for just a moment that he was going to kiss me but then the phone rang and the moment was lost. I was just imagining it though. He wouldn't want to kiss me. He puts me down once we shut the door. "Damn this place is huge."

He's right the place is huge. "We'll at least we won't have to worry about tripping over each others." He laughs and takes our bags upstairs. He puts our bags in the main bedroom and takes the weapons to the room next door. I follow him into the room has he starts to unpack our weapons. He did bring a few guns just in case but we are going in with knives, a sword, and a spare gun.

Once we have them laid out he heads downstairs. "Let's go get some food then we will go to the hot springs and see what we can get from the workers there. We want to attract whatever attention the other couples were getting. If it's not too late then we will take the short walk down to the falls and see if we see anything weird down there. One of the couples was found dead on the trail a bit up from the falls, another down by the river near the cabin, one in the parking lot and another one right on the bridge to the falls. People might be anxious at first when ask questions so just let me lead since you haven't done this before."

I head back upstairs. "Where are you going?" I look down at him and laugh. "To get my swim suit. Jody picked me up one a few weeks ago after we went to Santa Fe. I figured if there will be people around I have to be dressed you should change to. That way we don't waste time coming back here."

Dean doesn't follow me up. "I don't have a swim suit. I'll just pick one up in the lodge I guess." I laugh at him and change quickly. I look at myself in the mirror. My neck is still bruised and I'm worried it will bring unwanted attention to us. Jody picked out a suit that did cover my back though. At least no one will notice those scars. It's a navy blue one piece suit that has a very deep V in it that goes down to my belly button. There is a gold clasp that goes across my chest to keep the fabric from exposing me. A normal one piece would have been fine Jody. I think to myself. I throw my chunky cable knit turtle neck back on and a pair of jeans and head downstairs. "You ready Derrick?" I ask him jokingly.

We head over to the lodge looking around us for any clue as to where the monster could be. We head into the lodge and start out show up again. While we are eating we try to get information from the wait staff and everyone just says the same thing. They haven't seen or heard anything other than when the bodies were found.

The restaurant was getting us no where so we decide to get changed and try the hot springs staff. I take off my clothes and stuff them in the locker. I'm a bit nervous to go out in this suit. I should have looked at it more carefully when Jody brought it for me not to mention everyone is going to see my neck and wonder what happened. I leave the locker room and one glance from Dean has me all of suddenly very thrilled with Jody's choice. I can tell he likes it. His eyes keep moving up and down my body and he had a crocked smile. I feel myself start to blush and I walk over to him. He puts his arm around my shoulders and we walk to the closest pool.

We spend the next hour or so trying to get information from people. Only one person had anything of interest for us. He said that a few months ago there was some shooting sounds coming from the woods in the night and no one knew what it was from because guns aren't allowed in the parks. Besides that no one could remember anything strange happening beside the bodies being found. Before we leave he says to me very loudly while giving me a quick peck, no he's giving Lauren a quick peck. "Well honey do you want to go down and see the falls now?"

I shake my head yes. I grab my clothes from the locker and wrap a towel around my body and meet Dean in the lobby. He had already changed back into his clothes. We head back to the cabin to stock up on our weapons. By the time we get back I'm freezing. The water at the pools was so warm but by the time I got back here it was freezing on my skin. Dean must have noticed that I am cold because he brings me inside quickly and starts a fire. "You should have changed back at the lodge." 

I try to laugh it off but I'm shivering. "I wasn't thinking I guess." He wraps a blanket around my shoulders and after a while I am warm enough to change and get ready to go down to the falls.

The walk down is crowded. That means whatever happened to those couples definitely happened at night because during the day it was just to traveled. We hold hands the whole way down and every once in awhile Dean or should I say Derrick puts on a show and gives me a loud peck. "Are you ok with this?" He asks me when no one is around.

I'd be much more ok with it if it wasn't fake I think to myself. "Yea, we have to make whatever is out there target us." We get to the falls and I see the bridge where one of the couples found. There is no sign of their demise anymore the park did a good job of cleaning it up. As we get closer I can see the falls they are gorgeous. I forget about the hunt for a minute and walk to the edge and just stare at them.

"Lauren honey, why don't you turn around and I'll get your photo with my phone." Dean asks loudly. I turn around and smile when a stranger stops on the path. "Why don't I get it for you two? You guys are the newlyweds staying at the cabins aren't you? My husband and I saw you at lunch and thought you two were just cutest."

I blush and Dean comes over and stands next to me and puts his arm around me and the woman takes the shot. The man next to her who must be her husband starts to laugh. "Why don't you get one kissing your bride?"

Before I know what's happening Dean spins me around and kisses me and I hear the camera on the phone click and the couple hands us our phone. "Well whatever is out there can't doubt we're newlyweds now." Dean whispers into my ear.

We stay down by the falls for a bit and wait until more people clear out. When it looks like people are starting to leave we take a look around the forest around it to see if we can find any clues. I think I found something. "Derrick come over here!" I yell. Dean comes running over and I point out a large set of foot prints that disappear over the side the canyon down to the river.

He gets down low and looks at it. "That must be the sasquatch. The foot prints are too big to be human unless Lebron James has been out here lately." I hate pop culture references I still don't get them all. I laugh it off and we head back up to the cabins. "Do you want to eat back at the lodge or see whatever we have left over here from our last shopping trip and make something here?"

"I think we have some spaghetti left. I can make that. Why don't you get the weapons situated and I'll make dinner." Dean heads upstairs and I start to pull out the carton of noodles and sauce. Has I am finishing up and putting them on the plates I hear him come back downstairs.

"We'll go out late tonight. Just in case I have a knife under the bed on each of our sides, a gun under the pillow, and a sword on the mantel. We'll try to lore it up here because the woods will be his element and at least here we are on a more even playing field." He seems a bit nervous. I know he doesn't like the idea of taking me out there to face whatever this is but I know I can handle it.

"Dinner is done why don't you pull out some beer from the fridge and come to the table." He gets two beers and meets me back at the table. While we eat we go over the game plan again. He is worried something is going to happen to me because he keeps going over the same plan again and again. After dinner we head upstairs.

The room has a large window facing the woods and the river. "You ready to put on a little show?" Dean asks me mischievously. I laugh and I nod. "Put on that night gown you had the first night we came to Seattle and we'll meet back at the window."

I'm not sure what exactly he has planned but he said he wanted to lore it to the cabins. So I'm guessing he is going to do something crazy. I pick up my nightgown and head into the bathroom and change. I give myself a pep talk in the mirror. I head back out and Dean is already changed into his sleeping pants. "Keep your clothes in the corner because once we turn out the lights we are going to change and head out." I put them in the corner and he waves for me to come over to him by the window.

He only has the bedside lamp on but if you were looking in from outside you would be able to see us clearly from sliding glass doors that lead to the small porch. I stand in front of him and he frames my face with his hands. "Don't be nervous. I just want to try and entice him to come here. He obviously likes newlyweds so we are going to give him newlyweds. If you want me to stop just tell me."

Any sentence that starts with don't be nervous can't be good. I try not to show that I am a bit nervous now and I shake my head yes. He moves some of the hair from my face and leans down and softly kisses my lips. For a moment the world starts to spin and I forget what I'm supposed to be doing. I think I surprise him when I kiss him back. I put my arms around his neck and lower his face closer to mine and try to get him to deepen the kiss.

It doesn't' take much coaxing on my part for him to deepen it. Before I know what's happening he pushes me against the glass door and he is truly kissing me back. I open my mouth a little and he takes the invitation quickly and I can feel his tongue enter my mouth. It feels like one of my dreams. Not like reality. But then it hits me this isn't reality either. We are playing a married couple to try and catch a monster. He is just doing what he has to do.

His hands start to move off my face and explore my sides. His hands are so warm has they trail over my curves and behind my back. He stops kissing me for a minute and pulls back and gives me a questioning look. I know he's worried this is going to upset me but even if it's just an act it's what I really want so I lean forward and stand up on my toes and kiss him. He picks me up by my hips and I put my legs around his waist and he pushes me harder against the glass doors. He starts to kiss my face and trails down my neck.

At first I think I am imagining it. It feels like something is watching us from outside. But that was the goal wasn't it? I try to shut out my paranoia and just enjoy the moment has he starts to kiss my collar bone and gives an extra kiss where Sam nearly bleed me to death but I can almost feel it behind me. I start to tense up and Dean can tell I'm worried. He stops what he's doing puts me down and pulls back. "Are you ok?" He thinks I'm upset about this.

"Dean I think it's here." I whisper to him. Then I feel a thud behind me on the glass as it shatters on my back. I feel a pound on the back of my head and the world goes black.


	29. Chapter 29

Dean's POV

My head is killing me. It feels like I've been hit over the head with a baseball bat. I try to bring my hands up to the back of my head but I can't move them. I slowly open my eyes and I realize my hands are tied behind my back. I'm propped up on the bed with my tied hands tied to the headboard and my legs sticking out in front of me. I can see a small trail of blood going down my chest. Then it hits me where is Lara.

I frantically scan the room and I see Lara tied to a chair next to the fireplace on the other side of the room. There is a humongous hairy creature standing in front of her trying to slap her awake. "Get your hands off her!" I yell at him. I see that Lara is slowly starting to wake up.

This is my fault. I was too distracted kissing her that I didn't even notice that he was there. I just couldn't stop myself. It was better than any dream to have her under my hands like that. I know it was just an act on her part but I don't know if I would have been able to stop if that monster hadn't broken in.

Lara's eyes slowly start to open and I can see them taking in what's around her. I can tell she is about to scream. Sleeping and waking up is a bad under even the best of circumstances let alone when she's being tied up and hit by a monster. "Lara, it's ok. I'm right over here." I yell at her even though I know it's not ok. She looks over at me and the panic floods her eyes but I see her try to take control over her emotions. I can hear her mumbling to herself. Slowly the panic starts to ease and she is steady again.

The sasquatch lets out a roar. "You hunter's are all the same! You think that because you are human you are the only things that can care about each other." He snarls at her as he smacks her across the face.

"Don't you fucking touch her!" I yell at him. He stomps over to me and roars in my face. "Why are you killing people?" I ask him.

He gets angry and slugs me across the face. He's strong. "My kind have been here longer than your kind. We ruled these mountains before you humans moved in here and tried to eradicate us. My mate tried to keep me calm and hidden but a few months ago one of your hunter friends came into the mountains and hunted us. He shot me and killed my mate. I'm just getting revenge. Do you know what it's like to hold the only other being in the world that knows you inside and out has she bleeds to death? Well you are about to. We were together for centuries and you people took her." I try to keep him distracted. I don't want his attention on Lara.

"It wasn't me who killed your mate. The only reason I am here is because you have been killing people. " He stomps over to Lara and grabs her neck. Why won't he just stay over here with me? I try to move my hands. If I can get the knife under my pillow I might be able to cut my hands free.

"I am just doing what you guys did to me. Killing the ones you love in front of you. But for hunters like you I am going to make it extra special." He grabs her arm roughly and squeezes it and I hear it snap.

Lara flinches but doesn't scream out which is what he wants. "It's ok Dean. I don't notice pain anymore. I'm fine." She is trying to reassure me but I can't see her like this.

The creature yells and smacks her across the face again. "You will feel pain by the end of tonight. Maybe I should start with him?" He says to her.

Lara starts to fight against her restraints and I wish she would just let him leave her. "No, don't touch him. It's me you want. They killed your woman you should kill his woman in front of him." What is she doing? Is she crazy?

He raises his claws and drags them down her legs. I can see the cuts form and the blood starting to well to the surface but she sits their stoically. I have finally gotten the knife. I start to try and cut the bounds. In just a few more moments I'll be free. "Why don't you scream?" He yells at her.

"It's going to take a lot more than that to make me scream." She says to him. Wow she is a total bad ass. Focus Dean! You need to get free and save her. The creature grabs her other leg and I hear it snap. She lets out a small cry this time. She isn't going to be able to stand much more. I try not to look at her and just focus on getting the ropes off. If I look at her now I'll lose it.

The sasquatch drags one claw down her face making her bleed but it looks like bloody tears coming down her face. "If you ask me to kill your man I'll let you live." He tells her.

I don't stop working but I look over at her. She look the monster in the eyes and whispers. He leans down to hear her better and when he lowers his head she moves forward hitting him with her head and she spits in his face. "Go to hell!" She yells at him. Before he can hit her again I have my hands free and I grab the gun. I take aim and I shoot. It goes right into his head. I don't know if it killed him or stunned him but before I can find out I jump out of the bed to the mantel and grab the sword and swiftly take it down on his neck severing his head.

I quickly start to untie Lara and pick her up gingerly and carry her over to the bed. This doesn't look good I am going to have to take her to the hospital. Her right arm and left leg are broken. Her face is bleeding and so is her right leg. I start to rip the sheets apart to try and stop the bleeding in her leg. "Dean I'm fine." She says weakly.

"Lara you're not fine. I need to get you to a hospital. What were you thinking antagonizing him like that. He was going to kill you." I feel myself start to panic. Her left hand comes up to my face and I look down at her. "Well at least you would have been safe." She says has her eyes start to shut. I gently touch her leg and her eyes shoot open again. "Just call Cas he can fix it." Then she passes out. I guess the pain did get to be too much.

I look up to the ceiling and start to scream. "Cas this is Dean get your ass down here I need you!" I hear him before I see him and he appears on the other side of the bed. He takes one look at Lara and I see his eyes get big.

"What happened here?" He asks me has he starts to inspect her injuries.

I point to do the dead body on the floor. "He broke in and almost killed her. I killed him but she has broken bones and she passed out a few minutes ago." Cas puts his hands on her head and closes his eyes. I see her wounds start to heal and I feel myself relax with each wound that heals. Before long she looks like my Lara again. He even healed the bruises I put on her neck.

Cas sits back and stands up. I crawl over to her on the bed and examine her one more time. "When she wakes up you guys should head back. I have a plan but we all need to talk about it. I'll take care of this mess." Before I can respond Cas snaps his fingers and the body, the broken glass, the blood is all gone and the room looks back to normal.

Lara looks peaceful. I don't know if I should try and wake her or wait for her to wake up on her own. I decide to let her come to when she's ready. I pull back the covers and tuck her in. I go downstairs and salt the doors and windows and then salt everything upstairs too. Before I get into bed I salt the door to our room as well just in case anything manages to get in.

I'm so glad she's alive. I don't know what I would have done if that monster managed to kill her. I guess I could have asked Cas to bring her back and if that failed make another deal. Yea because that has gone so well for you in the past. I just can't imagine a world now where she is dead. I pull back the covers and climb in. I pull her close to me. I need to know she's alive. I need to feel her against me and breathing and warm. I don't mean to but I fall asleep.

I wake up in the morning and Lara is still sound asleep on my chest. I had a blissfully dreamless night and it looks like she did too. I look over at the clock and see that's 9 am. We should be getting up and hitting the road. I gently shake her awake. Her eyes slowly open and she smiles. "Well that was a fun honeymoon Derrick." She says jokingly.

"I almost got you killed Lara." I can't even look her in the eyes right now. I should have stayed in better control of myself.

Lara pushes herself up and looks at me. "No, you saved my life. You shot and decapitated him and then called Cas to fix me."

I stand up and start to pack my stuff. "No Lara, I should have been paying better attention. I didn't even notice he was here until we were both knocked out and unconscious. If I hadn't put that knife under my pillow beforehand we would be dead right now because of me."

She gets off the bed and stops my hands has they are frantically putting stuff in my bag. I look back at her. "That wasn't your fault. We had no idea he would come to the cabin like that. He hadn't done that before. And you did put that knife under your pillow so we're fine. You can't blame yourself for what the sasquatch did."

She wants me to agree with her but I can't. I'm the seasoned hunter I should have been paying better attention. I almost got her killed because all I could think of was getting her out of the night gown and sprawling her naked body out on the bed. "Well Cas said he wants us to head back home. He has a plan. You did well last night though. You never lost your cool and you stayed calm. I am really proud of you." She knows I still blame myself but thankfully she drops it and starts to pack her bags as well.

She puts her hand up to my face. "You're bruised." Then she looks down at my chest. "And you're bleeding. We need to clean you up." She gets a wash cloth from the bathroom and comes back and washes the blood of my chest. I hadn't even noticed it before. When she is done she changes her clothes and we head downstairs.

"So we taking the ferry back or driving the long way." She says jokingly to me and gives me a wink. I can't help but laugh a little. "We're definitely driving. If you're lucky I'll even let you drive a bit." She looks down at the car charm on her wrist and smiles and finishes packing.

Because we took the long way back it took us two days to get back to Bobby's. We spent the night in a rundown motel in the middle of Montana for the night. I couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I could hear her bones cracking and I would jump awake. I decided to just stay up until morning. I was too tired to drive home since I didn't sleep so I gave her the keys and she drove the rest of the way here.

When I woke up at Bobby's a saw that his truck is out front and so is Jody's car but we don't see anyone inside when we enter. I take our bags upstairs and Lara checks Bobby's room.

"Dean, Lara, we are down in the panic room." I hear Sam call from the basement has a head down the stairs. We head to the basement and we see Cas, Sam, Bobby, and Jody standing in front of something in the panic room.

When they see us they move out of the way and I see there is a young woman tied to a chair. She looks foreign. She's wearing a cheap hot pink tube dress with a jean jacket. I look at Lara and she looks shocked. "Gabriella is that you?" She asks

The woman starts to laugh. "Sorry six but ten is asleep right now. I'll make sure to tell her you called." Bobby splashes her with some holy water and the woman starts to scream. Lara runs over to Bobby and grabs his arm. "No Bobby, I think Gabby is still in there. What is she doing here?"

Sam grabs Lara's arm and takes her way from the possessed woman. "Last night she showed up here looking for you. We were able to capture her and we were getting information from her. She claims that Crowley sent her here to capture you and take you back to him. He wants to wear you when he opens purgatory because he thinks your body is the only body that can handle it." The woman starts to laugh.

"Oh all the wonderful times I had in your body six. Crowley is in for a treat." I go to smack her but Lara gives me a stern look and I stop. She knows the girl who is possessed and she doesn't want me to hurt her. "I'm surprised to find you with the Winchesters six. Especially after everything Sam did to you."

"Do we have all the information we need?" Lara asks the group. They all seem to shake their head yes.

Lara moves in front of the woman and starts to recite an exorcism from memory and the demon is quickly thrown from her body. She leans down in front of her and touches her face. "Gabby are you still in there?" The woman slowly regains consciousness and when she sees Lara she smiles.

"Lara is that you? I never thought I would see you again. The house was destroyed when the demon brought me back and I thought you were dead until they sent me here to find you." Lara starts to untie the woman. When she's free Lara and Gabby hold each other in a tight hug. Gabriella is tall. She might be taller than me but not quite as tall as Sammy.

"Who are you?" I ask her and grab Lara to stand next to me.

The woman meets my stare without backing down. I can tell Lara trusts her but I need to make sure before I can relax. "My name is Gabriella but you can call my Gabby. My family is from Spain and my parents were hunters. When my father died my mom and I moved to the states. My mother and I hunted together until my mother died and I started to hunt on my own. I made a stupid mistake and the next thing I know the demon cut my possession tattoo. I came too on the floor in front of Lara's cell with a knife in my hands. I found out later that the demon made me stab her and kill her child. The demons decided to keep me in the farm and they put me in cell 10 across from Lara. I was out on a mission when the house was attacked and the demon kept me has a more permanent home. Lara kept me sane while I was in there. I want to help you guys keep her safe. If Crowley gets her he won't let her go and if she can't hold the souls of purgatory she will die."

I pull Lara into my side. No one is going to take her. I look over at Cas. "What do you think?"

"She's not lying. I think it's a good idea. Why don't we go upstairs so I can tell you my plan." We all follow him upstairs and we sit down in the living room. Lara sits down next to me on the couch and Gabby sits down next to Lara. Lara grabs her hands and squeezes it. "I am so glad you're alive Gabby."

We all focus our attention on Cas who is pacing in front of us. "I just want you to hear my out before you say no, Dean I'm directing that at you. There are things that you guys don't know about Heaven and Hell and God and Satan so I need you to just relax for a minute. Just don't freak out ok?" He's staring right at me. He goes to the door and opens it and a woman comes in with four people behind her and they stand next to Cas. "Now Dean please stay calm and don't do anything stupid. This is Eve, the mother of all, and she's going to help us."


	30. Chapter 30

Cas' POV

The moment I said it Dean jumps up and starts to move towards her. His face is already red with anger and I can see the violence in his eyes. I throw my arms up and push him back down. "Dean I told you not to freak out. This is freaking out." Lara grabs Dean and pulls him back down on the couch. "It's Cas Dean. Give him a minute to explain." I hear her whisper to him.

Dean looks back at me with venom in his eyes. "Ok Cas you have one minute. Explain."

Where do I start? "Well God wasn't the only creator. He created Angels and Eve created her beings. He wanted to create humans and he needed Eve's help so she helped him make you all. Once the humans were made Lucifer fell and demons were created. Some of the demons convinced Eve's beings just like they convinced the humans to do evil things. When that happened God told Eve that she and her beings had to leave Heaven and they created Purgatory for them. Her first borns stay with her there and they look after the souls of the ones created after. I have known Eve for a long time we were…" Lovers once but that was a long time ago.

Eve grabbed my hand and looked at Dean and Lara. "We were friends. God admired my imagination when I created my beings and needed my help to create humans. He allowed me to use some of imagination with you all. Playing with height, skin color, hair color, eye color all those little differences that make you so unique. I agreed to leave Heaven to keep the peace. My first borns and I moved to purgatory. The demons had turned my grandchildren and their children into monsters. I agreed to watch over their souls in purgatory. My first borns and I protect and nurture the souls of my grandchildren who have changed and make sure no harm comes to them. I was alright with the balance of things. When one of my children got out of line and killed someone I understood that it was only right that a hunter got to kill them but when Crowley started going after my children who were innocent.."

"Innocent? Your children kill people lady!" Dean yells at her. Once again Lara grabs him and tries to silence him.

Eve looks at him and smirks. "You think you know everything because you have spent time in hell. You know nothing. All of my first borns are good creatures who help with Gods work. They were born in heaven and there was a time where they frolicked with Angels and even protected you humans. Some of my grandchildren are willful and turned so easily to sin but even you humans do that but some life good lives. I have vampire children who only kill animals so they don't kill humans. I have werewolf children who turn in locked cages in cellars so they don't hurt humans. I have shape shifter children who live normal happy lives working normal jobs and are even married. I have wendigo children that live so deep in the woods they never meet another soul just so they don't risk hurting one of God's precious creatures. I even have succubus children who only hurt kittens so that none of God's smallest creatures are hurt. Do not presume to tell me that they kill and are evil." I have known Eve since the dawn of time and I have rarely seen her angry.

Lara looks at Eve and studies her carefully. "She's telling the truth Dean. I can see her true form. She's beautiful and is brighter then Cas. She is what I imagine God would look like. She's not evil." Lara looks transfixed on Eve's true form but she finally shakes herself out of it and looks at Dean. "We can trust her."

Eve walks over to Lara and caresses her face. I see Dean tense up and his hand tightens on his gun. He doesn't like her toughing Lara. "She does have the gift Casitel. I see why you are so eager to protect her." She closes her eyes for a moment and I know she is reading Lara's history. "Poor child had been through so much. We must not allow Crowley to touch her. She is an innocent. God shouldn't have left his world but he was always fickle like that."

Eve and God had parted on good terms but there were certain things they never agreed on. Call it mother's love but she would never have abandoned her children like he did. She looks at me and I give her a sad smile and she leans down and kisses Lara's cheek. "I helped create humans as well my dear which makes you half my child. I will not let that demon hurt you or my other children." Lara looks happy and a little dazed. That can happen in the presence of Eve.

"So what's the plan Cas?" Dean asked me exasperated.

He's not going to like it. "Until we can stop Crowley and maybe until I can stop Raphael too I need you, Lara, and Sam to go into hiding somewhere. Eve's children here are first born shape shifters. They are going to take on your appearances and go on like they are you until Crowley makes his next move. Then they will kill him." He doesn't look happy.

"You want me to trust myself with one of them? The last time one of them wore me I was arrested for killing someone. The only reason they stopped looking for me is because they think I'm dead!" Oh yes he's definitely not happy.

Once again Lara starts to study Eve's children next to her. "Dean I can see her children. They do not look malicious. I think they will do what Cas has said. They look slightly like Cas but just a bit different. They don't have wings but their aura is just as peaceful. I can't get over how different the first borns look from the later generations."

I walk over to him and touch his shoulder. "Dean I wouldn't suggest this if I didn't trust her. This is the best plan I got. You don't even have to tell us where you are going just take off and go. I brought one for Bobby too if he wants to leave."

Bobby stands up and shakes his head. "I'm not leaving Jody here by herself." Jody tries to grab his arm and convince him to go. "No, I'll stay at her house if you think it's safer but I'm not putting her at risk."

I shake my head. "I understand that Bobby. Dean allow them to touch you each and take you on. Tomorrow you should go somewhere safe."

Before Dean can say anything Lara stands up and walks to one of them and extends her hand. Eve's daughter shakes it and the air around her shifts and she takes on Lara's likeness. Unlike the later born shifters they don't need to shed their skin. Sam gets up and does the same thing. Dean still refuses to move. Lara walks over to him and knells in front of him. "Don't be a baby Dean. Just go and shake his hand."

He reluctantly gets up and before he can shake his hand Dean looks at Eve. "If you betray us I will hunt you down and kill you."

Eve looks him dead in the eyes. "I wouldn't expect anything less from one of my children. You are strong willed like me." He doesn't seem to like that response but he shakes her son's hand none the less.

If he wasn't happy before this is going to send him over the edge. "Dean you can't take your car tomorrow." I could see the rage take over his face has he stomps over to me. "Why the hell not Cas?" He sneers at me.

He can be so clueless sometimes. "Every creature on this planet knows that car. You need to drive something more inconspicuous." He starts to retort and I put my hands up. "Don't worry they won't drive your precious car either. I'll make a duplicate for them to drive and your baby can stay here nice and safe."

I can see Dean think about it and he reluctantly agrees. "So tomorrow you guys take off to a safe house and your doubles here are going to go on like they are you. Don't do anything stupid and don't get caught by any demons. Stay hidden and out of trouble in a week or two we should be done." Dean shakes his head in agreement and Eve, her children, and I disappear.

"Thanks for doing this Eve."

She gives me a hug. "He is going after my children, my good children, he has to be stopped. I promise my children will keep them safe. Keep in contact I want to know if anything happens." She gives me a kiss on the lips then she disappears too.

It's been a long time since I have seen her and to be honest I kind of missed her.

Sam's POV

Dean just huffed off to his room with Lara trailing behind him trying to calm him down. He is not happy about this plan at all but it's Cas. I have to trust him in this. Gabriella and I are the last ones left downstairs. "Why don't you take my room tonight. I'll show you where everything is." She follows me up the stairs and I point out the bathroom down the hall.

"Are Lara and Dean together?" She asks me.

I laugh. "Not yet. But eventually they will stop being so stubborn and realize they are madly in love. They sleep next door. FYI they both have nightmares so I recommend ear plugs. I have some in the nightstand next to the bed. If you need anything I'm downstairs." She is stunning. She looks like an Amazon. She's tall, very tall probably only an inch or two shorter than me. She's built I can tell she can kick some ass but she is crazy curvy too. She looks Spanish. She has dark wavy hair and dark brown eyes. Her skin looks like caramel.

"I have some extra clothes in the drawers there. You're tall so they should fit all right until we get you some new ones." I try not to stare at her but she truly is stunning. She shakes her head and then turns to me.

"I know who you are." She says to me looking my straight in the eyes. "I was with her while she was healing. You know about the baby right? If you hurt her again I'll kill you without hesitation. She's been through a lot. When I was in that place she would come back from her missions and she looked horrible. She would be bleeding or ragged and she would look so tired. They liked her the most. She was constantly out. They abused her in every way possible. She would wake up screaming in the middle of night almost every night. Do you know how many nights I heard her screaming your name?" She stops for a second and I can tell she's remembering Lara's nightmares. I hear them too I know how horrible they are."But you know what she never stopped calling me Gabby. They would beat her and tell her that my name was 10 and hers was 6 but she never stopped. She kept me sane in there. Made sure I never forgot who I was even while the people around me minds were turning into mush and demons were taking my body out. I owe her my life."

Another person who thinks I meant to hurt her. I frown and look back at her. "If I hurt her again I will kill myself without hesitation. I didn't know she was in there and I didn't know she was pregnant. If I had known I would have kept her safe. I am thankful that she forgave me but not a day goes by that I don't think about what I did to her."

She looks at me for a moment and studies me. "We've meet before. Do you remember that?"I think for a moment and I don't' remember it and I shake my head no. "We did just think about it." I feel a little confused and turn around and head downstairs.

I plop on the couch downstairs and turn on the tv. I hear creeks on the stairs behind me and jump up and turn around. It's just Lara on the stairs. She's wearing one of Dean's old t shirts and sleep pants. They look so big on her but I know she prefers to wear them. If he can't tell that she likes him too it's only because he's not looking hard enough. "Do you need something Lara?" I ask her.

She smiles and heads into the kitchen I follow behind her. "Dean just went to sleep. He didn't sleep at all last night and he's all riled up about Cas and Eve." She starts to pull some bread out of the package and she pulls the jelly and peanut butter out of the fridge. "He blames himself for what happened with the sasquatch. I can see it in his eyes. He's ashamed to look at me." I can tell she's upset about that but that's Dean. Always taking the weight of the world onto his shoulders.

"He does that. He blames himself for everything that goes wrong on every hunt. He's been doing it since he was a kid. He'll get over it at some point. Just don't let him get away with it." She shakes her head in agreement and starts to eat her sandwich. "Are you guys ok after everything that happened before you left?" I don't want to say after Dean slept with Lisa but she knows what I'm talking about.

She looks at the window and for a moment I don't think she's going to respond. "I still love him, even though he slept with her. He said he was sorry but I can't be mad at him. We aren't together so there is no reason why he couldn't be with her. Seeing them together made me realize that she is the one he should be with. She can give him a life and a family and safe home. I will never be able to give that to him not as long as the demons are after me." She stops for a minute and looks at the floor. "When the sasquatch attacked us we were kissing. We were pretending to be Derrick and Lauren Wesson the newlyweds to attract his attention. That's why he feels guilty. I know he was pretending to be someone else when he kissed me but I can't stop thinking about it." She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry Sam. I shouldn't be bothering you but I don't have anyone else I can talk to about it."

I walk over to her and give her a hug. "You can talk to be about anything Lara. Just think of me has your big brother ok." She looks up at me and smiles. "So where did you get that bracelet you've been wearing?"

She blushes and flicks one of the charms. "Dean got it for me. He thought it would help with my nightmares. He put charms on it to remind me of where I am now." He got her jewelry? That's a first. He usually only gives girls a fake number and a wave has they leave the room. If he doesn't tell her how he feels soon I am going to have to hit him.

"And the ring?" I ask her jokingly. She looks down at her ring finger and starts to blush. She immediately takes it off. "It was a fake. He got it for me so we could pretend to be newlyweds. I guess I better take it off now. Night Sam, sleep well. Sounds like we have a long day head of us tomorrow." I follow her out into the living room and wave at her has she climbs the stairs.

If those two don't tell each other what they are feeling soon they are going to explode from the sexual tension. Maybe I need to talk to Cas and see what I do on that other path to make them finally tell each other how they feel.


	31. Chapter 31

Lara's POV

"Dean wake up. You're thrashing around again." I say has I try to wake him up. He's been thrashing around all night and muttering about sasquatches and my name is peppered in there too. He finally wakes up and looks around the room. He looks almost scared but he calms down once he sees he's in bed and at home. "You're awake now. Don't worry." I pull him closer to me and put his head on my chest and put my fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry, I can go downstairs if you want." He stumbles out.

"Don't be stupid Dean. You have put up with enough of my nightmares and you don't kick me out. Just try and get some sleep." I can feel him already slipping back into sleep. He hasn't slept well in two days he has to be exhausted. Before he completely drifts off he starts mumbling again. "Every time I close my eyes I hear your leg snap. I should have stopped him." Then he completely falls asleep. He is going to blame himself for that for the rest of his life. He is just so stubborn sometimes.

The next morning I wake up and I'm alone in bed. My hand instinctively checked for him on his side but he is already up. I grab a towel and I head into the bathroom. I check in on Gabby next door to make sure she's ok. She's awake but barely. Looks like Sam gave her some clothes to wear last night. "Hey Gabby how are you?"

She gives me a tired smile and scratches her head. "I'll be better after coffee." I laugh and point down the hall and head to the bathroom. I can't believe she's alive. We had been stuck in there together and she had been the closest thing I had to a friend down there. She wasn't as popular with the cross road demons but other demons liked her because of her height. She was intimidating. And now that I know she is a hunter she must have been well trained too.

When I'm finished I head back to my room and change and start to pack my bag. Dean's duffel is laying open on the floor with dirty clothes sticking out of it. I smirk and start to pack his bag as well. He just stuffs his clothing in there anyways at least this way it will be folded. I guess we'll need to get Gabby provisions too. I doubt the demon left her with an overnight bag.

Jody is still here and is cooking eggs at the stove. Bobby is sitting at the table talking to Sam, Gabby, and Dean. They all look over when I enter the room. "Good morning everyone. " I say cheerfully. Bobby, Sam, and Gabby smile back at me but Dean seems a bit miffed. I take a seat and Jody puts a plate in front of me and gives me a hug. "So where are we going?"

Bobby hands me a map and points to a secluded area. "I have an old cabin out that way. You should be able to stay there for a few weeks without anything noticing you as long as those idjits don't do anything stupid." I look over at Dean who doesn't seem thrilled with this plan.

"What's wrong Dean?" I ask him gently.

He huffs and gets up from the table and walks outside. I give Bobby a small smile and follow him outside. "Dean what is going on with you today?"

Dean turns around and I can tell he wants to start a fight. "This is a dumb plan and you and everyone else just seems to be following it! We gave those things license to be us and we are going to go hide in the woods. We should be out here hunting Crowley and killing him as quickly as possible."

I walk over to him and try to calm him down by putting my hands on his arms but he shakes me off. "Dean it's not just Crowley. It's Raphael and the angels too. We need to stay off the radar to give Cas time to fix it. We will be safer together in the woods then running around trying to fight heaven and hell."

"I don't just hide in the woods when things get tough Lara! I go out find it and I kill it! But with you it's too much of a risk. If I take you out there and try to find it something will happen to you I can feel it. They can sense you are a weakness to me and they will milk that for all it's worth. They've been doing it to me with Sam for years." He had started of yelling but he's starting to cool down and now he just seems beat.

I put my arms around his waist and give him a hug. "If what you want is to go off and find it and kill it I won't stop you. If you don't want me to go with you I won't force you to take me with you even though I don't want you to go alone. You have to do what you think is right."

He rests his chin on my head and I feel him sigh. "Sorry for yelling. This just goes against all of my instincts." I lift my head and smile at him. "I know it does Dean. We'll try it and if it doesn't work then we can do it your way, guns blazing with no plan." He gives me a weak smile and for a moment I think we're going to kiss again but I hear Bobby yelling for us from the porch.

"If you guys want to get going you need to leave. I got a car ready for you." I reluctantly let go and we head back to the house.

"Oh hell no Bobby!" Dean yells towards Bobby on the porch once he sees the car. "I know Cas said to stay under the radar but this is too much." He said pointing towards the minivan parked out front. Bobby laughs and turns back into the house. "Well shit. I guess I better get our weapons out of the impala." He mutters and he heads to his precious car to get the weapons we'll need.

"Dean get my angel blade." I yell back at him has I head upstairs to get our bags. Gabby meets me in the hallway wearing what I can only assume is a pair of Sam's old jeans and one of his old t shirts and button ups because that was definitely not what she was wearing last night. "We are going to have to stop and get you some clothes on the way."

She laughs and looks down. "It's better than the shit that demon put me in. Do you realize that piece of shit favorite material was spandex? I wore more tub tops and micro minis with her than I have in my entire life. And I sure as hell wasn't going to wear it again. Luckily that kid is tall enough for me to snag some clothes even if he is a blood addict."

I give her a stern look. "Gabby be nice. He is different and he doesn't drink demon blood anymore. He's my friend now."

Gabby doesn't look convinced. "Does he know about everything? He seems to know about the baby and your back but does he know about like everything?"

I quickly check the hallway behind me to make sure no one is listening. I wish she wouldn't mention it. "No, no one does and I'd like to keep it that way. It will just make him upset and I want to forget about the whole incident."

She shrugs her shoulders at me and grabs one of my bags. "It will come out sooner or later stuff like this always does."

"Well if it is going to come out it's not going to be from you. If he remembers we'll talk about it otherwise drop it." She follows me outside and we throw the bags in the back of the van. "Dean we need to stop at Walmart on the way to get her some clothes to wear."

He sticks his head out from under his trunk. "What she looks fine!" I raise my eyebrow at him and cock my hip to the side and rest my hand it "What she looks better than Sammy does in them. Ok we'll stop at the one in town and we'll get some supplies too. I'll be ready just let me pack me bag."

I hit the duffel already in the back. "I packed it your fine."

He gives me a puzzled look. "How would you know what to pack? I'll look over it."

I start chuckling. "Seriously Dean you have like 3 pairs of jeans and a handful of undershirts and like 6 over shirts. I brought the dirty stuff to clean at Bobby's and packed the rest. Just get in the van and lets go."

Sam laughs at Dean's face and climbs into the front seat while Gabby and I climb into the back. Dean finishes loading up the weapons and starts the van. "What are you laughing at Sammy, a girl wears your clothes better than you." Sam stopped laughing and focuses on the road.

We pull into the Walmart a few miles away and grab carts. Dean stops us all before we scatter. "Meet back here in 1 hour. Gabby and Lara get her some clothes. Sam you're on food duty. And I'm going to get us some CDs for the car because if I have to listen to talk radio the whole way there I am going to kill someone."

"Don't get all shit Dean. Maybe we should all pick one out so the driver can pick what they want when they are driving." Sam asks. Dean laughs at him and walks in to the store and the rest of us roll our eyes.

At one hour exactly we all meet back up at the front. Sam has a cart full of food, Dean has a cart full of music and booze, and Gabby and I have some essentials for her and I snagged a few books, some board games, and DVDs too. We put all the stuff back in the van and pile into the car. Dean looks back at all of us. "Since this isn't my car I don't care who drives it. We'll do 4 hours shifts and then we should be there. Sam you're up next so take a nap if you need it now." And he starts the car and starts going to the road.

About 30 minutes in Sam turns around and pulls out a note book. "Ok ready to talk about French history?" I smile and pull out my books. Gabby looks at me horrified and catches Dean's eyes in the mirror. "What are they doing?"

Dean starts to laugh. "Sam likes to pretend he is a teacher and Lara has some sick fetish with learning. They do this a lot, the best thing to do it zone it out." Gabby had picked a CD player up at Walmart since Dean refused to buy her an iPod and she puts it up loud and snuggles down next to me. We put the back row down so that we could fit all the weapons and goodies we picked up.

2000 years of history is hard to cram into 4 hours but we got through a lot. "So Lara what was Marie Antoinette's famous line?" I think hard for a moment and smile. "Let them eat cake!"

Dean groans and pulls over. "OK Einstein your turn to drive." He turns around and shakes Gabby. "I need a nap after listening to them for the last 4 hours can you sit up front." She groggily moves into the front seat and falls back asleep and Dean comes back with me.

"Do you want to keep going Lara?" Sam asks me has he pulls on to the highway. Dean playfully punches Sam's arm. "Not gonna happen Sammy. I need my peace and quiet."

Sam laughs and pulls out a CD and puts it in. Within a moment Dean makes a disgusted look. "What are we listening too?" Sam turns around and laughs while putting the music up loader. "Driver picks the music and the passenger shuts his pie hole Dean." He can't fight that because it's what he says to us.

Dean grumbles for a few minutes then tries to get comfortable. I hand him a pillow I brought and give him a blanket. After a while of him trying to find a comfortable spot on the bench seat I realize it's not going to happen. I tap his shoulder and pull his head down on my lap. "Go to sleep and stop fidgeting." He doesn't fight it and gives me a smile and falls asleep. "Sam wake me up when it's my time I might try to take a nap too. Dean kept me up all night." Sam smiles and turns the music down and I rest my head on the window and I'm out like a light.

_I wake up and I'm sitting in the passenger seat I look over and Dean is driving. It's night time and he has his music playing softly and he smiles at me and grabs my hand. "You've been asleep for about an hour we'll be home in a few hours. The kids have been out since we left the campsite." I quickly turn around and see all the kids. John and Daphne are in the back seat of the large van sounds asleep. Gabe and Cole are in the second to last row, and Rick and Luke are right behind us, in case I need to turn around to tell them to behave, they are always getting in trouble. Then I remember. We had just come from a family camping trip. It was our summer vacation this year. We have a big van for trips like this so we can all drive together but Dean usually likes to still drive his car and now that John is big enough to sit up front I usually drive my Suburban. "You still tired honey? You can go back to sleep if you want I know you have to be exhausted after the week we had."_

_ I shake my head no and stare out the window. I feel his hand cover my knee and start to move up my leg towards my inner thigh and he's massaging the whole way up and I give him a confused look. He gives me a wink and a smile. "We've been in tents with 6 kids for a week and honestly baby I need you right now."_

_ I swat at his hands. "Dean the kids are asleep in the back. And if you remember it was my idea to get a cabin so we could have had our own room every night, but you said that you wanted the kids to commune with nature so control yourself till we get home." He pouts and puts his hands on my shoulders and starts to move down my chest. "We could just pull over for a bit I swear the kids won't know a thing."_

_ I laugh at him and move his hand again. "Come on Lara it will be like old times. You know you missed me too." I give him a leery glance and turn around and look at the kids. "I'll pull over we'll get out of the car and I swear 5 minutes 10 tops and if the kids wake up I'll tell them we had a flat." _

_ They do look sound asleep. I don't think they'd wake up. I smile at him seductively. "You have 10 minutes max pull over." He pulls the car over quickly and I get out of the van and he grabs me at the back of it._

"Lara it's your turn to drive." I slowly wake up and realize I am in a different van. I look down and Dean is sound asleep in my lap and he's smiling. Sam is now in the passenger seat and Gabby is behind the wheel. "I debated letting you sleep you guys have been out for like 8 hours but I want to rest and it's your turn to drive. Do you think Dean could move up here so Sam and I could nap in the back?" I shake my head yes and start to shake his shoulders. He moans and tries to roll over and I shake his shoulders again.

"It's only been 4 minutes Lara and you promised 10 and the kids aren't up." Then he seems to be fully wake now and realize where he is. Sam gives him a confused look and I shrug my shoulders. He looks up at me and I can see his face turning red. I guess we were having the same dream. I raise my eyebrow and shake him awake. "It's my turn to drive and you're coming upfront so they can spread out back here ok." He shakes his head and we all switch seats.

After about 10 minutes behind the wheel Sam and Gabby are sound asleep in back. They are both leaning against the window and their legs are intricately entwined because they are both so tall. "So Dean, what were you dreaming about?" I know it's mean to play with him but I'm just curious.

He starts to blush and he looks out the window. "Nothing." I laugh and poke at him. "So you weren't dreaming about pulling over on the side of the road on the way home from a family camping trip?" That gets his attention. He quickly turns at me and looks shocked.

"How did you know that?" I laugh and pat his arm. "I was having the same dream before Gabby and Sam woke me up. I guess the van set it off."

He quickly goes from embarrassed to cocky. He gives me a crocked grin. "Well can't blame me. I had gone a whole week!" I laugh at him and continue driving. "Oh no the horrors."

"So how was I? Did blow your world?" He said with a wink.

I start to laugh. "I woke up before that part Dean so sorry to say I don't know." We joke for a bit longer and then I ask him to pull out the map and guide me the rest of the way in. Bobby sure wasn't kidding when he said it was secluded in the mountains. I don't know if would have ever found this place if I didn't know it was here.

We pull up to an old cabin and it has to be the one Bobby was talking about. We get our stuff out and take out the keys and walk in. It's run down and hasn't had people in it for years but it should do. Luckily the lights work and it has running water. I can't ask for much more. Gabby and I had picked up some cleaning supplies at the Walmart so we should be able to clean it up a bit tomorrow. I take a quick glance at the bed rooms. There are two. One has a double bed and one has two single beds. I assume Dean and I will take the double and Sam and Gabby can take the singles. I start to put our stuff in that room and Dean comes in with Gabby. "Why don't you and Gabby sleep in here and Sam and I will sleep next door."

I feel my face fall but I plaster on a fake smile quickly. "OK sounds good. Here is your bag." I say has I hand him his bag. He smiles at me and turns around and I can feel tears burning in my eyes. Why doesn't he want to stay with me? Did I do something wrong? I try to shake it off before anyone notices and grab my toiletries and head to the bathroom to unpack and unwind.

I head into the kitchen to find Sam and Gabby unpacking groceries and there are some steaks on the counter. Just the look of the raw meat makes me feel queasy and I feel Dean come up behind me. "Hey Gabby we cook meet outside. The smell makes Lara sick. Bobby said there is a grill out there somewhere."

Gabby smiles at me and picks up the meat and asks Sam to pick up a lantern and some coal and follow her out. I start digging through the bags to pull out some potatoes and pasta to make for us. I pull out one of the bottles of beer and take off the cap and drink while I'm cooking. I don't know what to say to him. I've obviously offended him somehow or he wouldn't be sleeping with Sam.

Dean takes off the lid to the alfredo sauce and hands it to me. "Lara are you ok?" I shake my head yes and keep stirring the noodles. He comes up behind me and puts his arm around me and rests his chin on my head. "I thought Gabby would prefer to stay with you instead of Sam who she doesn't know." I'm so stupid. That makes sense. I bet Lisa would have figured that one out without throwing a pity party.

"I know I just prefer staying with you." He gives me a squeeze and heads to the fridge. After the food is done we all sit down to eat and then head to bed. Before we turn out the lights I know I should warn Gabby. "Hey Gabby, just so you know I sometimes have nightmares."

Gabby places her hand on my arm and gives me a squeeze. "I know I did live with you for 3 years." Well at least I warned her. We both roll over and try to sleep. It's so much colder in bed without Dean. He usually holds me and I know he'll wake me up before it gets to scary but I don't expect that from Gabby. I curl up into a ball and try to sleep.


	32. Chapter 32

Sam's POV

Dean is an idiot. I know he's lying about why he decided we should stay in this room together. Gabriella and I had no problem sleeping in the car together and he acts like she thinks I'm going to kill her. We even had fun when Dean and Lara were passed out in the back. Has Dean comes in I yank down my blanket and plop in to bed and glare over at him. "Why are you sleeping in here? You know you won't get any sleep and you know she won't either."

He gives me a fake smile and gets into bed too. "I thought it would be better for the girls to stay together since Gabby doesn't know you that well Sammy."

I turn off the light and lay there in silence for a moment and then turn it back on. "That's bullshit Dean and you know it. What's going on with you and Lara?"

Dean tries to ignore me by rolling over and facing the wall but I throw my shoe at him and he reluctantly rolls back over and throws it back at me. "I can't focus around her ok! The night the sasquatch almost killed her it was because I wasn't' focused enough to notice he was there. If I sleep alone I won't have her has a distraction and she will be safer."

Damn he's dumber than I thought. "You're a fucking idiot Dean. Maybe if you told her how you felt you would be able to focus around her instead of constantly looking at her from the corner of your eye and feeling her up in her sleep. Stop being such an idiot and talk to her you jerk."

"Shut up bitch!" and he rolls back over and tries to go to sleep.

I have been laying here for four hours now. Every time I almost get to sleep he starts thrashing or screaming in his sleep and I can't do it anymore. This is bullshit! I jump out of bed grabbing my blanket and my pillow and head to the living room. Maybe I can find sleep on the couch. I plop down on the couch and turn the TV on hoping even the white noise of the rabbit ears will keep Dean's screams from interrupting my sleep.

Before I can fall asleep I hear the other bedroom door open and I pop up to see Gabriella leaving the room. "Can't sleep either?" I ask her with a chuckle.

She looks frustrated. "Not with that racket. If she's not screaming about demons she's begging for Dean, or she's talking about children. This is absurd." She plops down on the other side of the couch. "You still don't remember me do you?"

I try to think of if I had ever seen her. I know for a fact if I had seen her I would remember her she's to stunning to forget. "Sorry I don't think we've meet."

She raises her eyebrow at me and chuckles. "Well I guess you didn't meet me but you meet my body. Remember it was outside of a bar about a year ago. We got in a knife fight. I have a scar on my arm from you but I know I cut your right side and I escaped." She shows me the cut on her arm and I lift up my shirt and check out my side and sure enough there is a long thin scar trailing down it.

She already thinks I'm evil so what's another nail in the coffin. "I don't remember anything that happened for about a year and a half. When we were fighting Lucifer and Michael during the apocalypse my body and soul got stuck in the cage with them. I was soulless for about a year and half and I don't remember anything that happened. So I'm sorry if I hurt you."

She lets out a loud laugh. "Hurt me, dude I kicked your ass." She chuckles a bit and looks at the tv .

I look over at her and she seems so much more adjusted then Lara before I can stop myself I ask her. "Why are you handling all of this so well? When Lara got out she was a mess hell she still is sometimes."

Gabriella looks over at me and seems to get serious for the first time since I have met her. "I had it a lot easier than Lara. I wasn't taken out that much to be honest. They couldn't find a use for me until the apocalypse started and they needed fighters. The few times cross road demons tried using me they returned me quickly because my height scared the clients they said. I wasn't given out like a party favor and I didn't kill that many people. She was so popular that she was gone all time and every time she came back she looked worst then the time before. I have never seen her as happy and calm as I have seen her these last few days. It's like the life has been forced back in her. Her eyes are what scared me the most. They were dead. She was the only human they ever had survive so many possession and her mind was there, but her eyes were lifeless. But I was lucky I had 24 years of a normal life before I was taken. Well I guess as normal as any hunter can have. I am able to realize that it was a demon using me and not me doing those things. And in a weird way if I wasn't taken someone else would have been and they wouldn't have survived it as well as I did."

I reach over and put a comforting hand on her shoulder and she smiles then kicks me over a bit. "Move over I need room too."I try to win back my space on the couch and we end up kicking at each other until we are laughing. "This is ridiculous." She chuckles out. "We are going to sleep in beds. Come with me." I follow her into my room where she kicks Dean's bed. When he doesn't wake up she kicks it again and he wakes up with a jolt and frantically looks around the room. "Get out we need sleep!" She yells at him has she picks him up and kicks him out of the room.

"Now maybe we can sleep." She says jumping into the bed my brother had been occupying. I fall back into my bed and relax. I think her and I are going to get along great anyone who will call Dean out on his bullshit is cool in my book.

Dean's POV

Well that was rude! Kicking a man awake and throwing him out of his room. I stumble into Lara's room and I see her seized up in pain on her side of the bed. I quickly run over and start to run my hands through her hair. "Wake up Lara. It's just a dream."

She slowly opens her eyes and grabs my hands and pulls me into bed next to her. I didn't intend on sleeping this close to her again. It's so hard to think when her scent is all around me and her arms are all over my body but I'm not strong enough to pull away. "Where am I?" She asks me shakily.

I rub her back. "You're at home. You're safe."

She looks up at me still confused. "Did I wake the kids?"

She still doesn't know where she is. I pick up her arm and show her the bracelet. "That home isn't real honey I'm really sorry. You're at Bobby's cabin. Remember?" She still looks confused. "See you've been horseback riding, you can drive a car, you've had your first vacation, you've had flowers, I should probably get you a cooking one since you love to bake. Is it coming back to you now?"

I can see tears coming down her face and she still looks panicked and confused. "There were the kids though. Then there was this warehouse and I killed a bunch of people. I enjoyed killing them."

I turn the light on next to her so she can see the room. "It was all a dream Lara you're safe now. You're in bed, at Bobby's cabin and I'm right here."

She looks up at me with tears in her eyes and says. "But you weren't here."

I feel my heart break. I wasn't there. I was stupid to think it would be better if I didn't sleep in the same room as her. "I'm sorry Lara but I'm here now."

She snuggles into my side and I can hear her talking to herself about what reality it. "Dean, please stay here. Don't go back to your room."

I feel bad. I should have known that I trying to keep her safe would hurt her just as much. I pull her closer and breath in her scent. "I'm sorry Lara I thought it was best but I guess Gabby is fine sharing a room with Sam."

She's still a bit sleepy and she's falling back asleep has she's talking. "Just don't leave me again. I need you when I sleep."

I kiss the top of her head. "Don't worry sweet heart I won't. Just go to sleep." I'm not leaving because I'm home I think to myself.

I wake up in the morning and the bed is empty. I look at my watch and it says 11 am. It smells like she has begun baking already. It's colder up in the mountains and I throw on a sweatshirt and go out into the main room. Sure enough there are goodies all over the counter but the cabin looks spotless as well. Lara is pulling a sheet of cookies out of the oven and putting a pie pan in. When she stands up she turns and sees me and smiles. "Good morning, I have blueberry and cranberry muffins over there and banana nut muffins next to them but if you want something else I can probably whip it up." She has flour all over her face and coating the front of my old t shirt. I can't help but chuckle at the sight. I walk over to her and try to brush some of the flour off.

"You're covered in flour. How long have you been up? By the looks of it a while." I know she didn't sleep well last night so she must have given up.

She looks around the room and shrugs her shoulder. "I guess I got up around 6. I've cleaned the house but I need your help with the washing machine downstairs. It's really old and I can't figure out how to use it so none of your clothes are cleaned yet. I baked some stuff too. I have an apple pie in the oven and I made a lemon meringue one but it's in the fridge there are also a bunch of cookies. I was thinking once we were up we could work on some training. I still need help with my favorite subject knives."

Obviously the nightmares she had before I came in were too much for her. She looks exhausted. I pat her arm and grab a muffin. "I'm sorry about last night Lara. I thought I was doing what was best but I was wrong." She won't look at me so I guess she still trying to figure out if she's mad at me or not. I hear the other bedroom open and Gabby comes sauntering out of it.

Gabby gives me a quick punch in the arm and grabs a muffin. "Thanks Dean I slept great in your bed. Don't think you're getting it back tonight."

Lara tenses up waiting for my response. "It's yours Gabby. Obviously you're ok sharing a room with Sam so be my guest and take it." Gabby gives me a grin and gives Lara a hug.

"So what did I hear about you wanting to train today? Because I am pretty good myself if you need help." Lara seems to have relaxed a bit and she sits down at the table and has a muffin herself. "I need help on knives and swords so if you think you can help that would be great."

As if on cue Gabby pulls a knife out from behind her and wings it on the door to land just above the lock without her even looking. "I think I can help." Lara laughs at leans into me. "Maybe she can help with the angel blade?" I shake my head and look up as Sam comes in with a bag of stuff and drops it on the table.

"I picked up some stuff on Roman and Greek history as well Lara. I should have started there but I wasn't thinking. We are going to have a lot of time to go over it so I brought some books and movies." I watch her shift through the stuff and I can tell it's going to be a long trip. There are at least 10 books and I see like 5 DVDs. Maybe I should have conveniently lost the DVD player. I look over at Lara and she looks happy so as long as they don't try to involve me I don't care.

"This looks great Sammy. I'll work on it this afternoon some. For now I am going to change and we're going to train for a bit. There are muffins on the counter feel free to take some." She says as she walks back into our room and shuts the door.

Sam gives me his bitchy prissy little brother face and I just stare back at him. "Looks like she didn't sleep well last night. Did you plan to protect her go over well Dean?" He's trying to push my buttons.

I stand up and push my chair back in. "Yea Sammy it went great. Did your plan of trying to sleep with Gabby work well?" I don't' know where that idea came from but it seemed to piss him off enough. I look at Gabby who seems to laughing. "Get dressed and we'll head outside in a bit." Then I go to our room to change.

Lara is wearing her normal training gear when I enter the room, tight black pants, a tight tank top, and a zipper up sweatshirt. She's experimenting with the angel blade on her side of the bed trying different moves and thrusts that Cas must have taught her."Your form is improving." I say to her.

She was in her own little world and must not have heard me come in because she looks startled. "Don't stop on my account." She drops the blade on the bed and starts to pull her hair into a tight pony tail. "You ok?"

She looks at from the mirror and finishes her hair than turns around quickly. "Was last night another one of your stunts? It has become painfully clear to me that Gabby and Sam don't have any problems despite what you said. I thought we went over this and I don't want you making decisions for me without consulting me. I know you are mad that we are in hiding because I can't protect myself and I know you still blame yourself for what happened with the Sasquatch but don't think I am too naive to know when I am being maneuvered."

Shit she got me and she looks pissed. Damn she's hot when she's pissed. "I am not mad at you because we are in hiding and I know that in a pinch you can protect yourself just fine."

She stomps her foot and slams the drawer behind her. "You're ignoring my question! Was that one of your stunts? And don't pretend you're not pissed because you even said yesterday that this isn't what you want to do but because of me you feel you have to!"

Lara is not going to let me get away with anything today. "First of all I'm not mad at you." I'm in love with you. "I feel better knowing I'm the one watching you because I don't trust someone else to do it right. Second of all I was trying to maneuver you. I was doing what I thought was best to keep you safe. With what happened awhile back with your neck and me not paying attention enough on the sasquatch that almost killed you I thought it would be safer for you to sleep with Gabby."

Now I've done it. She's livid but good god is she sexy right now. Her anger has flushed her cheeks and her blue eyes are piercing right through me. "I thought we discussed the neck thing already! That wasn't your fault! You were sleeping I do dumb shit in my sleep too! And for the Sasquatch I swear to God if you blame yourself for that I will kick your ass myself. You were paying plenty attention it just took us by surprise."

I shove my hands through my hair and make a frustrated groan. She really isn't listening to me. "I wasn't paying attention Lara! I was too focused on kissing you to notice that he was right behind you! He broke your arm and your leg. He almost bleed you death. If you would have died it would have been my fault."

She runs over to me and grabs my neck and pulls me down roughly and kisses me. This isn't how I thought that fight would end. I don't pull back she deepens the kiss and I can feel her tongue enter my mouth and her hands grab fistfuls of my hair and sweatshirt then she pushes me back and I can see she's still mad. "Focus on that all day!" She yells turns around grabs her angel blade storms out of the room.

What the hell just happened? Did she kiss me because she was mad or because she wanted too? Hell at this point I don't care she kissed me. I slowly get my clothes on so I can give her time to calm down and head back out. Sam is sitting at the table looking over some stuff on his lap top. "Where are the girls?" I ask him.

Sam laughs at me and looks back at his work. "Well after she called you out on your shit her and Gabby went out to train. Unless you want a knife in your stomach I would suggest staying here for a bit." Shit they heard it too.


	33. Chapter 33

a/n thanks for all of your wonderful review on that last chapter! Since they were all so nice I decided to post another chapter before the weekend!

Lara's POV

"And you'd be dead." I say standing over Gabby with my angel blade to her neck. I guess Cas' training has taught me more than I thought. We've been practicing for hours and I have won just as often as I have lost. The angel blade feels good in my hands and I like how it wields. I extend my hand and help Gabby back up.

"So what are you so pissed about that you have tried to kill me a few times now?" Gabby asks me while she's hitting the dirt off her jeans.

"Dean! He pissed me off. He knows I hate when he just makes decisions for everyone and he did it last night when he stayed with Sam instead of talking to me." I am getting pissed just thinking about it again.

Gabby takes a deep swig of her water and hands the bottle to me. "What's with you two anyways?"

God how do I explain that one? "Well nothing is going on. Which makes me ever more pissed off because I don't even have the right to be pissed off! I am not going to lie I'm in love with him, but it doesn't matter. After everything I went through in the body farm I'm not decent for him. It's just the facts and there is nothing I can do to change it. So I stay here doing what I can to make his life better and what does he do? Tries to play me because he feels guilty."

Gabby gives me a disgusted look. "What do you mean after everything that happened to you in that place? That's why you would deserve to be happy even more."

"No Gabby it doesn't. I was really sick when I got out I didn't know how sick until Sam started teaching me stuff. I've killed and had sex with too many people for him to want me." It hurts to say it but I truly don't think he could get passed it.

"That's bullshit Lara. You didn't do any of those things. It was demon in your body. If he has a problem with that well then fuck him!" She seems a bit mad.

"He has never said anything about it. It's just how I feel ok? Let's head back I bet he's worried since we fought this morning." I don't need her trying to tell me differently because I know how it is.

She puts her arm around my shoulder and we start to trek back to the cabin. "So what's up Sam? Is he like single or what not?" Did she just ask me if Sam was single? That's a joke right I mean yesterday she was talking about his demon blood addiction. "What? You told me that he was nice and that was a different part of his life and I have spent some time with him and I agree. While you and Dean were passed out in the back we spent like 8 hours together driving. Then last night we hung out for a bit before I kicked Dean out of his bed. I was just curious what his story is."

Well I didn't see that coming. "He's single just don't hurt him." She gives me a who me look and smiles. "He's been through a lot and he isn't what we thought he was. He's a sweet man who means well, just please tread carefully he is actually a very gentle."

Gabby gives me a laugh and we head back. When we enter the cabin Sam is sitting on the table typing away furiously on his lap top and Dean is lying down on the couch watching tv on a very blurry screen. When he hears us come in he quickly jumps up and faces me. I look over at Gabby. "Do you want the shower first or should I go?"

Gabby gives me a devious smile and replies. "Actually Sam was going to show me some stuff with some new guns they have. Weren't you Sam?" Sam looks up a bit confused but Gabby gives him a pressing look and he shakes his head.

"Oh yea I almost forgot. We talked about it last night. Dean do you have the keys to the van?" Dean throws him the keys and they head out. Dammit Gabby! She did that on purpose so we'd have to talk.

I try to push past him and get some clean clothes from the bedroom but he grabs me and I am forced to stop and look up at him. "What Dean?" I ask him kind of meanly. I don't know where I got my spine but I like it.

"Don't what Dean me. We were talking and then you well, you kind, of well you, you stormed out. So I just wanted to say I'm sorry that I upset you. I didn't mean to. I was really doing what I thought I was best." He looks like he is telling me the truth and that he's legitimately sorry. I just don't know what to say. I think I said enough earlier when I kissed him so I stand there quietly. "I lost Sammy once and I did a crazy thing to get him back. If I lost you I don't know what I wouldn't do to get you back. So I was scared that my actions would get you killed and I just want to keep you safe." I know he hates having talks like these ones.

I put my arms around him and give him a hug. "I know you're sorry. You just need to think before you do things sometimes Dean. You know how I feel about you making decisions for people. And don't pretend you did it to protect me you did it because you were guilty. Those are two very different reasons. You know that sleeping is scary, hell terrifying for me, and you knowingly took the only thing that helps me sleep away, you. Even the night you slept with Lisa you slept with me and I assume it's because deep down you know I'm a fucking mess when I let my guard down enough to sleep." When I said that he looked like I punched him in the chest and he is about to try and respond but I lift my hand to his mouth to silence him. "If what you really want is to stay with Sam or just be free to hook up with whoever you want whenever you want and not have to worry about the awkward this is just my roommate talk with them then that's fine. We no longer have to share a room I will find a way to deal with it but this is the time to tell me. I won't be mad and I will just adjust to it but I can't get any more addicted to you if you're going to pull away every time you feel guilty."

It looks like I made my point. He isn't smiling like he normally is and I can see that he is thinking hard of what to say next which is honestly a kind of funny look on him. After a few moments he lets out a long sigh. "I am sorry that I hurt you and I'm sorry I wasn't thinking past my own guilt enough to know that it would hurt you more. I don't want to share a room with Sam and for the record I don't want to hook up with whomever whenever. That's not me anymore. That time was an isolated incident of which I wish I could take back and never have done but I can't. To be honest I don't think I would have survived many more nights without you. Sam and Gabby kicked me out for a reason. When you're sleeping next to me I know I can relax because you will wake me up before it gets to dark and I like that. I have never had that before and to be honest it unnerves me sometimes to need someone back. But I'm a bit of an idiot sometimes and I'm probably going to make more mistakes before it's all said and done but I don't want to hurt you."

He pulls me even closer and squeezes me so tight I'm afraid for a moment I won't be able to breathe but I relax into him and know that he won't try to play that stunt again. When he releases me slightly and I stand up on my toes and kiss his cheek. He lets me go and I walk into our room and grab some clean clothes and a towel and head into the bathroom.

By the time I come back out with my hair dripping wet over my tight purple t shirt and jeans Gabby and Sam have come back in and they are setting up one of the board games I bought and Dean is opening a bag of chips and putting beers out at all of our spots. I towel dry my hair a bit more and put the towel down and head over to the table. "Which game is it?" I ask them?

Sam smiles and picks up the lid. "Clue, don't worry we'll teach it to you first." I smile and take a seat and drink my beer and read over the rules.

After a few hours we have played Clue, Trouble, Sorry, and we are now onto strip poker since none of us have any money. Luckily I seem to have caught onto the game because I've only lost my socks. Unfortunately for Gabby, Sam, and Dean I have been doing very well. Gabby is down to her bra and underwear and Sam and Dean are done to just their underwear and there are bottles of beer all over the table and the floor. I look down at my hand I have a pocket pair of aces and there is a 4,6,8,9 on the table all in clubs. I doubt anyone has a better pair than me so I match and wait to see whatever one else does.

Sam looks at his cards one last time and folds, smart man. Gabby looks at hers and gives me a smile and matches. Dean looks deep in thought and matches. Dean and I put our cards down. I see that my pair lost to his flush and he starts to laugh and pull the chips back and I start to take off my jeans. Gabby slyly puts her cards down. "Not so fast Dean, I have a straight flush. Drop your drawers!" She laughs maliciously has she pulls all the chips back to her pile.

Sam can't stop laughing and he spits beer out of his mouth while he and Gabby give each other a high five. Dean looks less than happy but accepts defeat and takes off his boxers and sits back down uncomfortably trying to cover himself. "This is bull shit. I thought in convincing you guys to play poker the girls would end up naked not me!"

Gabby hits him upside the head and Sam continues to laugh at him. "Don't be such a sexist Dean!" Gabby playfully yells at him. I look over at him and laugh too. "It's beginners luck." I offer has an excuse. He continues to scowl and I start to yawn. I look at the clock on the phone and see it's almost 3 am. "I'm sorry guys but I'm exhausted. I gotta go to bed."

Sam and Gabby don't seem to hear me they are talking to each other well I should say flirting with each other like they have been all night and Dean looks like he is ready for any excuse to put his clothes back on. He stands up and redresses and I start to put some of the beer bottles in the trash can and clean up for the night. Before I head to my room I say good night to Gabby and Sam who are both redressed and sitting on the couch getting ready to put a movie in. "Good night guys. Just turn everything off before you go to bed." They smile at me and I head into my room and see that Dean is already in bed.

I start to change my clothes and Dean starts talking. "Should I give Sam the talk?" He asks me jokingly. I have no clue what is talking about. "What talk Dean?"

He laughs replies. "You know the sex talk. They seem to be hitting it off." I still don't know what he is talking about. What is the sex talk? I give him a confused nod and he sits up. "Sorry I forgot that you wouldn't know what I was talking about. When most kids become teenagers their parents give them the sex talk. About safe sex not getting pregnant the horrors of sexually transmitted diseases, and…" he must have noticed my face turn pale. "I'm sorry Lara I wasn't thinking. I was just trying to make a joke and I realize now it wasn't a very good one." He jumps out of the bed and hugs me.

"It's ok Dean I know you weren't trying to upset me. It's just a sensitive topic for me sometimes. Let's not think about it. I'm exhausted and I just want to sleep." He leans down and kisses my forehead and pulls back the covers on my side and tucks me in. Once I'm settled he jumps over me and gets in on his side. He pulls me into him and I relax on his chest and fall asleep quickly.

After we had fallen asleep I hear Dean's cell phone starting to ring. He seems completely passed out and I reach over him and grab it. It says 5 am, I answer it. "Hello?" I say groggily.

I hear heavy breathing on the other side. "Lara is that you? Is Dean there?" It's just Cas. I shake Dean awake and hand him the phone. "It's Cas."

Dean jumps awake and takes the phone. After a few yes', no's, and non committal huh huhs he hangs up. "What did he want?" I ask him trying to get back to sleep.

He rubs the sleep off his face and looks over at me. "He said that the shape shifters were attacked but they survived and killed the demons. Crowley wasn't with them but they were able to torture a demon into telling them where he might be. He said to hang tight and stay off the radar." Dean looks a bit flustered but he lies back down. I feel a bit nervous. I look around the room and worry about the salt lines and the demon traps. I go to push the covers back to stand up and check on them but Dean grabs me and pulls me back into bed and cuddles me into him. "What's wrong?" He asks me quietly.

I feel the panic starting to rise and I try to stuff it back down. "I just want to check the salt lines and demon traps." He grabs me tighter and kisses the back of my head. "I put them down myself I promise they are safe. Go back to bed."

He's right they are probably fine. I just need to relax and sleep. "Dean, if they come and take me don't make another deal. You said if I was taken you would do anything to get me back. Just don't make a deal."

"I promise I won't. Now go back to sleep." I feel him drift back to sleep behind me and I slowly fall asleep myself. I can still hear Gabby and Sam talking in the living room. They've been out there this whole time I guess. Maybe Dean should have a talk with Sam.


	34. Chapter 34

a/n I wasn't planning on posting anything else this weekend but due to circumstances beyond my control all of my plans feel through and I became bored quickly. So thank you snow storm of a century for ruining my much needed vacation! I've never ever done a love scene before so well here it goes… (just trying to practice for when Dean and Lara finally get together.)

Sam's POV

I never thought I could be truly happy again. After Jess dying, dad dying, the demon blood, Ruby, what happened with Lara, the apocalypse, losing my soul, gaining my soul, after all of that I never thought happiness was on the table. I figured I could find a way to be mostly content. Just go through the motions and spend out what was left of my days with my brother and Bobby. Then Gabriella came along. When Bobby and I first captured her if you had told me how much she would have changed my life I would have laughed at you. She was dressed like a cheap hooker and was quite snarly. Then after we got the demon out of her I was pretty sure she hated me. Then we started talking and talking turned into flirting and flirting turned into something else.

We've been at the cabin a few weeks now and there hasn't been much to do but hang out. The four of us are a crammed in here but its working. It's kind of been fun to just experience a normal life. If I close my eyes I can pretend that Dean and I are just two normal brothers who are borrowing their family cabin to take their girl friends on vacation not two brothers hiding out in the woods trying to keep one of their girls from getting possessed by the king of hell.

Lara is getting better every day. She isn't as nervous has she was when we first got her. It's almost funny, she is the youngest and the shortest of us by 8 inches but she loves to nurture us. She makes sure we're feed, does our laundry, cleans the house, hell makes sure we all get tucked in at night. She acts like our mother and some how it works. I don't know how she does it. After everything she went through she shouldn't be so kind. She should be angry and bitter but she's the opposite. The only time I see her truly relaxed and I can see that little bit of that 24 year girl sneak out is when Dean is holding her. When he holds her she relaxes and she looks happy. It's not that she doesn't look happy normally it's just when he holds her she lights up. Gabriella told me she saw the same thing. She also told me that the only time she sees Lara look like a kid is when I'm teaching her. I thought she was crazy but the next time I was teaching her about the Romans I looked at her and for a moment I saw a young girl who just wanted to learn.

Gabriella is sitting across the table from me teaching me some foreign exorcism that her father had taught her. Have I mentioned she can speak three languages? I can't stop staring at her mouth and how it looks and moves when she's speaking the French exorcism. We kissed this morning. It was our first kiss and it was kind of a mistake but I can't get it out of my head. Lara was making us breakfast and we were getting ready and we bumped into each other. I grabbed her arms to steady her and we just kissed. We both pulled back and turned red and we ran out of the room. All I want to do is kiss her again.

Dean and Lara have gone outside to practice more knives and swords and it's just us in the cabin. We haven't gotten a lot of alone time unless it's late at night and they are in bed. We have books spread out in front of us trying to find an exorcism that kills the demon without hurting the host. So far we haven't come up with much. God she sounds hot when she's speaking a foreign language.

Before I can think about what I'm doing and stop myself I stand up and grab her arms and lift her out of her chair and kiss her. I wasn't sure what to expect. We have been flirting for weeks now and giving each other glances and whenever we get the chance brushing up against each other. Just the other night she laid in my lap for an entire movie but I couldn't be sure what she would do if I kissed her. She kissed me back. She's so tall I don't have to even bend down to meet her lips.

Without letting go of her lips I move me hands over the table and throw the books off and push her back down. I honestly don't know what has come over me but she's not saying no so I'm going to keep going. She starts to pull at my button up and pull it off me while I kiss her neck. "Sam" she moans lightly into my ear. It sounds so sexy coming from her mouth with a slight Spanish accent to it.

I pull back for a moment and look at her. "I really like you Gabriella. Like a lot." She smiles at me and puts her arms around my neck and pulls me back to her. "I really like you to Sam. Like a lot." She says a bit mockingly but she continues to kiss me.

Within a matter of moments we are at frenzy. She's grabbing my t shirt off and I'm ripping at her green button up shirt and buttons are going flying. She lets out a throaty laugh and I want her even more. Thank god she has a front button bra on because I don't know if I could have focused enough to get a regular one off.

I pull back for a moment and just enjoy the view beneath me. She's stunning. She's toned, curvy, and her skin is soft and tanned. She's usually really confident but for the first time since I have known her she starts to blush and put her hands up to her chest. I reach down and grab them. "Don't you dare cover yourself up. You're to gorgeous to do that." She relaxes her hands I lean back down and trail kisses down her chest and stomach to her jeans button. I really wasn't expecting it to go this far but I just can't seem to stop.

Her hands grab my jeans and I feel her taking my belt off and unbuttoning my jeans. "Are you sure about this Gabriella?"

She smiles at me and pulls down my jeans. "I'm positive." She says with a wink. I pray to God that Dean and Lara don't come bursting through the door right now because even if they did I don't know if I have the strength to stop. I quickly undo her pants and shimmy them and her panties off under her and plunge in.

It's been a really long time since I've been with a woman and by the feel of her it's been a really long time since she's been with a man as well. It's hard to focus when she's screaming out, "Si, Sam, SI SAM!" And before we know what's happening we are both spent and I'm panting over her on the kitchen table.

My senses finally come back to me and I am able to look around. She is laying under me with her eyes closes and a smile on her face. I lean down and kiss her lips softly and I stand up. I pull my jeans up and help her get out of her shirt and leave it on the table. I pick her up gently and carry her back to our room and lay her out on one of the twin beds and kick off my jeans and lay down next to her. "I lied earlier Gabriella."

She lazily looks over at me and smiles. "About what?"

I kiss her lips softly and pull her into me. "When I said I liked you." She starts to push away from me and gives me a confused look with a flash of anger. I smile and kiss her again. "I think I love you." She relaxes into my chest and I can feel her smile.

"I lied too." She mumbles into my chest. I laugh. "About what?"

She starts to laugh and straddles me and looks down in my eyes. "When I said I liked you." She leans down and kisses me. She positions herself over me and slowly slips me into her. "I think I love you too." She says and we make slow love.

When we leave the room a few hours later Lara is sitting on the couch with a sewing needles and thread putting the buttons back on Gabriella's shirt. She looks at us as we enter the room and gives us a knowing smile and a wink. "Where's Dean?" I ask her nonchalantly.

She smiles and points outside. "He was bored and decided he wanted to work on the van. Don't worry he never came in." She said nodding towards the pile of clothes under the table. I look over at Gabriella and see she is blushing again. It's sexy to see her shy.

She walks to the fridge opens it and pulls out some chicken. "I am going to go outside and cook this up for dinner. Sam why don't you and Lara go over the math you wanted to go over with her." She smiles at me and quickly leaves the cabin to go outside.

Once she's gone Lara quickly jumps up and gives me a tight hug. "I'm happy for you Sammy. You deserve this."

I look down at her small frame and hug her back. "You deserve to be happy to Lara."

She pushes back from me and sits down on the table and pulls outs the math books. "Let's work on math ok." She avoided my statement like normal. She doesn't think she deserves to be happy. Hell if I do she does!

"Lara don't ignore me. You do deserve to be happy." I say as I put my hand on her shoulder. She brings her hand up and clasps mine and I can feel her sigh. "Sammy I am happy and that's enough for right now."

I could kick Dean's ass sometimes. He has this great amazing girl and he refuses to do anything about it. If they don't stop acting like idiots and tell each other how they feel soon I am going to have to spill the beans myself.


	35. Chapter 35

Dean's POV

We have been hiding out for three weeks now and I'm starting to get restless just waiting for an attack that isn't coming. Cas calls with news every once in awhile otherwise we just hang out. Ever since that first night he called I've been waiting for him to say it's done. Lara has been training with Sam, Gabby, and me relentless. She is really kicking some major ass lately. She is decent at throwing knives now, not great but decent, and she is really deadly with her angel blade. She looks really sexy wielding that thing around. When she's not training or baking, Sam is teaching her more stuff. She is like a sponge and just can't seem to soak up enough. She looks so cute though when he's teaching her. With everything she had been through she doesn't act like a normal 24 year girl and if you look into her eyes you swear they've been on this earth for 100 years. But when Sam is teaching her something she's never heard of before it's like she gets to relive that childhood she never got. Gabby and Sam seem to be flirting all the time and I'm just waiting for the day I walk into their room and their naked rolling around on the floor.

I won't admit it but it's been kind of nice just relaxing and not doing anything. Yes we have been researching about purgatory and the cage but we haven't had to kill anything in awhile and it's nice. I'm glad that Lara has had these last few weeks of just normal. It's about 10 am and by the sound of things in the living room I am the last one still in bed. I can smell that Lara has been awake because it smells like food. God that's a smell I could get used to everyday. Gabby and Sam are talking and Lara laughs every once in awhile. I wish life could always be this uncomplicated. Just my brother and I hanging out with two girls that we like, that would be nice. I can almost pretend this is just a normal trip, but then I remember that we have heaven and hell trying to find us.

I grab the first set of clothes my hands come across and throw them on and head out into the living room. Sure enough Sam and Gabby have a big plate of pancakes in front of them and Lara is making some more. She looks over her shoulder when I come into the room and smiles. "Take a seat. I have some for you too." She finishes my food and puts it on a plate and brings it over. Once she makes herself some she takes the seat next to me and we all finish eating. "So what do you want to do today?" She asks me.

I shrug my shoulders. "Surprise me." She laughs and finishes her food. Gabby looks at Sam and smiles. "Well we need more supplies were running out. Why don't Sam and I take the van to a town and pick some stuff up?" I'm not stupid that's code for let us take the van so we can make out in the back.

I throw him the keys. "Sounds good. Just make sure no one follows you there or back and be careful. And use cash for everything." I know Sam will be careful but he's still my little brother and I want to make sure he's safe. "Want to just relax and watch a movie or something?" I ask Lara. She smiles and shakes her head and starts to clean up.

She starts to scribble stuff down on a piece of paper and hands it to Sam before he leaves. "Those are some things I need at the store." She gives him a tight squeeze and he smiles at her. "Just be careful." Sam squeezes her back and goes outside.

Gabby grabs some of Lara's muffins and cookies and shoves a cookie in her mouth. "For the road." She says with her mouth full. Lara hits her playfully with a towel then gives her a stern look. "Like I said before don't hurt him." I don't know what they are talking about but I assume it's about Sam and I'm just going to let them have their girl talk. I plop down on the couch and wait for Lara to finish up and join me.

Lara continues to clean up and she starts to mix new things together and after about an hour or two I'm not really sure because I dozed off she puts it in the oven and she comes over and picks out a dvd from the pile on the floor and puts it in. "What did you pick?" I ask her has she turns around and heads for the arm chair. I grab her arm has she walks by and pull her down on the couch in front of me. She lays out beside me and I put my arms around her.

"It's Spartacus." I can hear her wince when she says it. It's one of Sammy's educational movies for her I think. "If it gets to educational we're turning it off." I say with a laugh. She shakes her head yes and fall down in my arms and we relax and watch the movie.

It really wasn't that bad. It may have been historical but there were some cool fighting scenes. At the end of the movie when everyone is being crucified I look down when I feel something wet start to hit my arm and I see that Lara is crying. I immediately go into panic mode. "What's wrong?" I ask her frantically.

She tries to laugh but cries instead. "I'm sorry it's just the movie. It's sad that he dies and his wife has to watch him." I start to relax it's just the movie upsetting her. "It's just movie Lara. Don't worry."

She shakes her head and turns around and faces me, which with both of us lying on the couch has her pretty close to me. "But it's not Dean. Sam said it's based on a real story. So it really happened." I pull her into me and let her cry it out. Sammy is such an idiot sometimes. Why would he give her a movie to watch where everyone dies? I am going to have to yell at him when he gets home.

When it seems like she has stopped crying I pull her away from my chest and brush the hair out of her face. She is truly gorgeous. Even though she was just crying her eyes are still the most beautiful blue I have seen. Her skin is so soft and it smells so good. She's so petite but she seems to fit right next to me like some other piece of me I didn't even know was missing until I meet her. She smiles at me and before I know what I'm doing I pull her closer and softly kiss her lips.

I was afraid she would push away or knee me in the balls and stand up livid but to my surprise she kisses me back. I pull back for a moment and look at her. Not sure what to expect. She looks at me and smiles and looks like she is going to say something. Has she opens up her mouth to speak I hear the front door open and Gabby and Sam come in carrying tons of bags. "Dean get your ass off the couch and help us. There are more bags in the back of the van." Sam says has drops the first round on the table.

Lara starts to blush and she sits up quickly and straightens her hair and runs outside. God Dammit Sammy! Bad timing doesn't even being to describe you coming in right now. I throw on my boots and head outside to start bringing in the bags and Lara brushes past me, her arms full. She looks at me and turns away blushing. Great now I've done it! What was I thinking kissing her like that? I've ruined everything.

I finish bringing the bags in and Lara is chattering away with Gabby in the kitchen while they are unpacking bags. One look at Sammy and I can tell he hooked up with her in the van. He looks happy, shy, ecstatic, and content all at once. Gabby looks quite pleased with herself as well but she's not hiding what they did too well. She's trying to talk to Lara but she keeps staring at Sammy longingly. Wow my little brother is getting some. It's a strange world when he's getting more than me. Lara seems oblivious to the whole thing and keeps looking at the goodies they picked up. I need to talk to her, alone, about what just happened.

I have waited all day for a moment alone and there just hasn't been one. After they unpacked she went into cooking dinner and Gabby was helping her in the kitchen the whole time. After dinner Sammy went into dork mode and was teaching her about math, despite the fact that Gabby kept giving him come hither looks from the couch. I wish someone could explain to me why he would rather teach Lara math than go bang Gabby in their room? After what seemed like an eternity, well seven hours but still, Sam and Gabby went to bed and Lara and I headed to bed as well.

Now that I finally have her alone I'm not quite sure what to say. Hey sorry I kissed you earlier I'm just madly in love with you just doesn't seem the best way to go about it. I can tell she's nervous too. She gives me a nervous smile and starts to change into her, well my old pajamas. I hear a loud giggle come from the room next door and I think I hear them moving one of the beds. I don't need nor want to know what's going on over there.

It's been 10 minutes and I still can't seem to find the words. She has come back from the bathroom and gotten into bed and I'm still laying here silent. She leans over and turns out the light and I hear her let out a sigh and lay down on her pillow. We lay there quiet for a few minutes then she slowly moves over to my side of the bed and wiggles her way into my arms to fall asleep. Before I lose my nerve I just blurt it out. "Sorry about this afternoon." I wince and squeeze my eyes shut for a moment. Hoping she says something but also hoping she's already asleep.

I feel her squirm and I open my eyes which have finally adjusted to the dark and I see her look up at me. Her big blue eyes look electric next to her pale skin that is illuminated by the moon light coming in from the window. "Don't be sorry Dean." She says with a smile.

Of course she isn't going to yell at me. "No I shouldn't have just kissed you like that. I don't know what came over me."

She drops her smile and puts her head back down and all I see is a mop of dark brown hair. She nestles into me and exhales. "Are you saying you wished you hadn't kissed me?" She asks me quietly. I hear Gabby scream out Sam's name like a porn is being filmed next door. I could kill them! I'm trying to have a serious conversation here and they're next door screwing like monkeys! Lara smirks at it but otherwise pretends she doesn't hear anything going on.

How do I respond to that? "That's not what I said Lara. I said I shouldn't have not I didn't want too." Jesus what possessed me to say that bit of honest truth. Again they are being noisy over there. It sounds like the bed is going to go through the wall. Maybe I should get up and go over there and knock some sense into my brother's thick skull. Lara laughs softly and mutters. "They've been at it since yesterday." I guess I missed something along the way.

Lara pushes herself up on her arms while she's leaning on my chest so she can see me. Her hair is surrounding her face like some kind of dark halo. "I never tried to stop you Dean so don't apologize for something that I wanted."

All the sounds of next door start to fade and all I can hear is her voice and her breathing. Did I hear her right? Did she say she wanted me to kiss her? Before I can think it over I put my arms around her and pull her up to me and softly kiss her again. Testing the grounds of what she'll let me do. When I release her lips she pulls away slightly and smiles at me. Wow that was amazing. It feels like the world is spinning from just one kiss. I should stop now though.

Before I can stop it from going any further she leans back down and kisses me back. Her hair is all around me but I still I can't seem to get enough of her. She's all I can see and all over me but I still need more. I grab her and roll her onto her back and cover her with my body. I use my arms to support my weight so I don't crush her small body. I can't stop kissing her. I pull back to make sure I'm not upsetting or hurting her. I know she's kissing me back but after everything she's been through I don't want to hurt her. She looks at me and smiles shyly and puts her arms around my neck and pulls my lips back down to hers. She lets out a moan and I feel like my body is going to explode. I start to kiss her face and her neck. She molds easily to my demands and continues to moan and grab me with her hands. I want her naked.

Stop Dean! I mentally yell at myself. She needs it to be more than this. After everything she's been through she deserves more than a shitty bed in a shitty cabin. I stop kissing her, roll over, and pull her on top of me and just hold her for a moment. My heart is pounding in my chest and I can feel hers pounding as well. At least I affected her the same way she affected me. "Did I do something wrong?" She asks me breathlessly.

I let out a chuckle and kiss her forehead. No she did everything right, to right. "Not at all sweet heart. If I didn't stop I wasn't going to and I didn't want to upset you." This is new territory for me. Normally I just take what I want and damn the rest but this is Lara. I need to be patient.

She nuzzles my chest and her face disappears into it with a cloak of hair covering her from my view and feel her kiss my chest than relax back on me. "Maybe I didn't want you to stop." She says nervously.

She's not making this easy on me. All I want to do is throw her on her back and bury myself in her but I know she deserves more than that. I pull my fingers through her hair and rub her head. "You have no idea how much it pains me to say no sweetheart. I don't want you to feel pressured into anything."

She props herself up and looks down at me. "I don't feel pressured into anything. This is what I want. Hell it's what I've wanted since I meet you." She leans down and slowly kisses me again. I can tell she's nervous but she slowly deepens the kiss gauging my response. If she doesn't stop soon I'm not going to be able to see straight. If we're going to do this I should tell her.

It takes every ounce of my ever fleeing strength to make me to stop but I pull her off of me for a minute and wait till she's looking at me. Her beautiful eyes are clouded over but she slowly is able to focus and look at me. "Lara I just wanted to say that I…" Then the phone starts to ring. You have got to be fucking kidding me. The phone seriously, I reach over and grab it and answer it angrily. "This better be fucking good Cas!"

"Dean, they figured it out." He sounds scared. I immediately sit up and Lara rolls over and turns on the light. "Figured what out Cas?"

He breathes heavy into the phone and lets out an angry growl. "The demons attacked them tonight and killed them and figured out that it wasn't actually you. Eve and I showed up to late but we were able to kill most of them but at least one of them got away. They know that you guys are hiding out and they are going to look for you." He pauses for a moment and I hear someone talking next to him quietly. "Stay hidden, I'll be in contact." And he hangs up.

Lara eyes are big and I can see the panic flooding into them. I try to reassure her. "Don't worry they don't know where we are." I pull her on to my chest and kiss the top her head. "They aren't going to get you. I won't let them."

She starts to shake a little and it makes me want to find Crowley and torture him to death for making her this scared. "Can we just go back to 5 minutes ago before he called?" She whispers nervously but I hear her voice hitch at the end.

"I wish we could. Just relax, fall asleep I'll make sure you're safe." She slowly starts to calm down and I feel her start to drift off on my chest. I can't sleep. Every time I start to drift off I can see Crowley taking her from me and it jolts me awake.

I can tell that Lara isn't having much more luck than me. Her dreams are plagued with nightmares tonight. Every time she calms down from one another one starts. We were finally going to have a moment of bliss and the demons had to barge into our moment and ruin it like they ruin everything. Sometime after the sun came up I slowly drift off too, feeling better that at least the sun was up. They usually don't attack during the day.

When I wake up a few hours later I feel cold. I roll over and reach for Lara but she is sitting at the edge of the bed crying quietly. I immediately sit up and grab her. "What's wrong?" I ask her as she cries into my chest.

She doesn't say anything for a moment. "I'm mad about last night." She finally gets out. I knew I shouldn't have let it get that far. It's too much for her right now and I'm an ass hole.

I reluctantly let her go and mentally kick myself. "I'm sorry Lara; I shouldn't have come on that strong. I just couldn't seem to…" She reaches over and grabs my hand silencing me.

"I'm not mad about that Dean. I'm mad that those fucking demons ruined it. It's how it is always going to be with me. Something is always going to ruin it." She looks at me so seriously that I can tell she honestly thinks it's all her fault.

I pull her back into my chest and wait for her to cry it out. "You didn't ruin anything Lara."

"But I did Dean. If it isn't demons after me than it is angels. If it isn't angels it's going to be something else. For just a moment last night I was able to forget everything for just a brief moment. For just a brief moment everything felt right. But I can't saddle you with me. If we went any further you would always stay with me because you would feel guilty because you slept with me. After everything my body has done. I've..." She stops for a moment and collects herself. I know she's thinking about all the demons. "I'm no good Dean and I'm not good enough for you." She won't look at me. She keeps her face buried into my chest.

I pull her back and wait for her to meet my eyes which take a few moments. She tries to pull away and at first refuses to look at me but she finally does. "Don't you ever say that. Do you hear me? You are one of the most amazing people I have ever known and you're so good that you're perfect. My life is better because you're in it. If you tell me that you want to forget the whole thing because you're not interested that's fine. I'll back off. But if you're pulling away because you feel guilty or upset about what those demons did to your body I won't accept that."

I can see the fresh tears start to well in her eyes. "Dean I was sick when we meet you know that. I was sick because of what my body has done. I'm never going to be normal; unlike in the other path you're not going to be my first. You won't even be my hundredth and that disgusts me. I look at myself in the mirror and I feel shame and I'm disgusted with what I see."

She collapses on my chest and I can feel her crying quietly. "Lara when I look at you I see the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. That other path is a great fairy tale but it's not reality and I wouldn't give you up for that life. I want you not some dream you that isn't real. You shouldn't feel ashamed of yourself you did nothing wrong. I know it's hard to accept that, God I know it's hard, but you didn't. I'm never going to be normal either. I can't offer you that other life, but I can offer you a life. I'm in love with you Lara and I have been for a really long time." Wow I said it. I just grew a pair and I said it.

Lara stayed quiet and motionless for what seemed like an eternity then she slowly pushes herself away from me and wipes her eyes. "What did you say?" She asks me shakily.

"I said that I love you." I've never said that to a woman before and it scares the shit out of me but I had to get it out before it consumed me.

Lara sits there for a moment and looks down at her wrist and jingles her bracelet. "Am I dreaming?" She asks me nervously. I shake my head no and she looks back at me and breaks into a wide smile. "I love you to Dean. I have since the moment you saved my life." She leans over and kisses me.

I laugh into her lips. "So you're saying if we had been a bit smarter we could have been doing this for the past few months?" She laughs and shakes her head yes and kisses me again. I hear a knock on our door but it can wait and I ignore it. I hear the knock again but I'm too absorbed in Lara to stop. She's kissing me back and I'm lowering her down on the mound of pillows behind her. My hands are slowly sliding up her shirt and caressing her curves.

The door swings open. "Holy shit!" Sam yells, "Dude I'm sorry I'll come back later." He slams the door shut and we both start to laugh. "He's going to be happy." I say with a laugh. "He's been harassing me to tell you how I feel for months now."

She smiles and relaxes for a minute. "I've been talking to him about you for months now too." She says with a smile.

I kiss her forehead ecstatic that I can hold her the way I truly want too. "Sly bastard he's been playing both sides!" I reluctantly let her go and start to get dressed. Lara stands up and starts getting dressed as well and keeps looking at me and smiling. It takes us longer than it should to change because we keep stopping to kiss each other. Every time we get something on I feel like we're taking it off but I still want to wait for a better time and place to truly be with her.

"You were wrong about something Lara." I say to her with a sly smile.

She smiles at me and cocks her head to the side. "About what?" She says with a laugh.

"When you said I wouldn't be your first." She starts to blush and for a moment I think she might be upset so I finish my statement. "I'm going to make sure I'm the first guy you actually want to be with. I am going to be the first guy that just you are with. I am going to the first guy who you love. And I am going to be the first guy who loves you back when we finally make love." She starts to blush and walks over to me and with shaky hands grabs my face and brings it down to hers and kisses me.

"I love you Dean." She whispers in me. I kiss her again. "I love you Lara. And I will love you forever."

When we leave the room Sam looks at us beet red. "I am so sorry guys I didn't think, well I didn't think you guys would be, wait when did that happen?"

Lara starts to blush and walks over the fridge and starts pulling things out to make breakfast with and Gabby gives her a sly smile and helps her. I look at Sam and smile. "It happened last night." Sam smiles and goes back to his work and well all fall into our routine. Every time I look at her I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest.

I hear my cell phone ringing in the bedroom and run into pick it up. I see that it's Cas. I pick it up, "Hey Cas what's up?"

"Run!" Is all he says before I hear the phone get knocked from his hands.


	36. Chapter 36

a/n thank you everyone for your totally awesome reviews. I kind want to print them out and send them to my English teachers k through graduate school and be like see bitches! I can write! (Even it isn't always grammatically correct. ;) )

Lara POV

Could life get any better? He loves me. He said he loves me. He doesn't care about the demons or what they made me do. He loves me. I can't stop smiling. I probably look like an idiot. Every time I look over at him I feel like I am going to melt. I can't stop blushing. Every time I look at him he's smiling to though. He's so handsome I almost can't stand to be so far away from him. I want to just run over to the table and kiss him again. I just want him to hold me again. He loves me and I love him. That's not something I ever thought I would get to have. He said he would love me forever.

I hear Dean's phone start to ring and he gives me a smile and runs into our room to answer it. Once he leaves Gabby jumps on me and starts to squeal. "Are you and him finally like together?" She asks me like one of those silly teenagers on TV.

"Yes." I say softly and start to blush again. She gives me a tight hug and Sam looks up at winks at me. "You deserve to be happy Lara." He says repeating what I said to him yesterday. I can't stop blushing and I look down at my feet and start to smile.

I feel a giggle start in my chest but he enters the room. I feel him before I see him. I look over at the door way and he looks scared. I drop the wooden spoon I am holding and run over to him. "What's wrong?" I ask him.

Dean is pale and I've never seen him this panicked before. "We got to run. That was Cas on the phone all he said was run." He grabs my hand and the keys and starts to pull me out the door. I grab a gun off the table and see that Sam has grabbed Gabby and we are all running for the door. He pulls the door open and I run into his back, he's stopped moving. He quickly moves backwards and slams the door and locks it. "FUCK!" Is all he says. He turns around and starts to grab all the weapons he can that we have lying around the house. Sam is doing the same thing. They are moving in sync like two men on a mission. I look at Gabby and she nervously eyes me back. We follow suit and start to stock up on what we can find.

It's the stench that alerts me first. That god awful stench of rotting flesh. I feel myself start to gag but I know I have to keep myself together, but I can't stop. I start to retch in the kitchen sink and it isn't a second before Dean is beside me. He puts a protective arm over me. "There are demons Dean. I can smell them." Is all I can get out.

He stays with me until I am done. Then the pounding starts. They have surrounded the cabin and their bodies are pounding on the walls. I look over at Sam and he is holding Gabby and they seem afraid. I look up at Dean and he's visually checking all the windows and the doors. We may have salted them and put down demon traps but they are not going to be enough for what I can sense is out there.

"Dean?" I ask him meekly. He puts his arms around me and pulls me into the center of the room and we stand next to Gabby and Sam. I can see them at the windows they are everywhere and they are going to get in any second now. I grab him and kiss him passionately. "I love you Dean. I will love you forever." I wanted him to know I felt the same way.

We both know this is probably our good bye kiss. He's going to get off easy. Forever is just 5 minutes away. There is no way we are going to make it out of this. "I love you too Lara." Then they break in.

It's chaos at first. We're good fighters and we take down a dozen of them on the first wave. We may be going down but we're not going down without a fight. I wish I had my angel blade but that is in the van. Dean tries to protect me by putting me behind him but at this point they are coming in from everywhere.

I just keep shooting and when my first gun runs out of bullets I throw it to the ground and pick up my second and my third. I have my knives too and I'm able to stun them. But guns and knives don't kill them. They have to be exorcised. I keep trying to start an exorcism but every time I start to scream one another demon attacks me and I lose my focus. I can hear Gabby trying the same thing but then she stops screaming.

I look around and Gabby and Sam are face first on the ground and the demons over them have guns to their heads. They are clutching each other's hands and I feel guilty. They are in love and because of me they are going to die. Dean is next to them with three demons trying to wrestle him. They haven't gotten me yet but it's a matter of time.

"Well, well, well if it isn't the Winchesters brothers and their women." Says a man stepping over the demon bodies has he walks over to us. He has an accent and he looks oddly calm in this environment. "How do you do my dear? I don't think we have been properly introduced. I am Crowley, the king of hell, and I need to borrow your body." He extends his hand to me like we were just meeting for the first time at a restaurant or at some party.

I don't have many options so I do the only thing I can think of. I pull up my gun up and point it at my head. "Come any closer and I'll blow my fucking brains out and you won't have a body to wear." He needs me to be alive to possess me and I can kill myself instantly at this angle.

Crowley looks shocked. Dean looks angry. I give Crowley a defiant look and keep the gun at my head. He takes a step toward me and I cock the gun. "Don't be stupid. I would rather be dead than worn again, but I think we can come to an arrangement."

Deans keeps trying to get free from the demons holding him. "You want me, well there are things I want to. First of all you let Sam, Gabby, and Dean go and you make sure not one hair on their heads are ever hurt. Same goes for Bobby and Jody. Second if I let you in you have to treat my body with respect. No fucking sprees and no killing sprees." I am scared and I can hear my voice shaking but I keep my hand steady. Gabby and Sam deserve a life together. I have to save Dean. He can't die for me.

Crowley laughs. "I like you. You have spunk. Here is my counter. I let them all go and as long as they don't come after me I won't hurt them. If they do you can't blame me for protecting myself now can you? They are here now, do you guys understand that? If you don't come after us I will not touch you and I won't let any of my demons touch you BUT if you try to take her back I will kill you without thinking." He looks at Dean who is struggling to break free and Dean spits at him. Gabby and Sam shake their heads slightly in understanding. I really hope they are listening and don't try to come after me. Crowley laughs and looks back at me. "My dear your body is my temple and is about to give me more power than anyone thing else in this universe I will respect and cherish it. Do we have a deal?"

I can't look at Dean if I do I might lose my resolve. "If you lie to me and break this promise I will destroy you from the inside out Crowley. You let them go first. Once I know they are safely gone you can have me."

"Lara, what are you doing? Don't you dare!" I hear Dean yelling next to me. I keep my eyes on Crowley and keep the gun to my head and slowly walk over to Dean. I use my free hand to take off my bracelet on my trigger hand. I don't want Crowley to have it. Once I'm next to him I move my eyes to his and use my free hand to put the bracelet in his hand and then touch his face. I stand up on my toes and I kiss him. I try to put all the love I feel for him into that one last kiss. I can feel the tears coming down my face. "I love you Dean. Leave and don't look back." I look at Dean but yell at Crowley "You have a deal."

I feel Dean trying to fight the demons. "Crowley I am going to fucking kill you if you hurt her! I will make my previous time in hell look like a day at Disney World!" Just 30 minutes ago I thought live couldn't get any better. I was in love and he loved me back. Just as quickly as I got it now I have to give it up. I walk away from him staring into his green eyes. He is staring back at me and I can feel him pleading with me to not give in and try and fight. "I will love you forever" I mouth to him and I turn around to face Crowley.

The demons that have Sam and Gabby yank them up and pull them out of the room while the ones with Dean try to pull him out. He keeps clawing at them trying to get to me. I can't look at him it's breaking my heart. "Sam get him out of here! Don't let him do anything stupid!"I scream out through sobs. The demon keeps the gun to Sam's head but he helps pull Dean out.

"I'll find you Lara! I love you! I will love you forever! Don't forget that!" He yells as he's being dragged out of the cabin. I start to sob quietly I don't want him to remember me like this. "Don't do it Dean. He'll let you go if you stay away. I'll end it one way or another, just move on." Then he's gone. The room feels darker and colder. The love of my life just got torn away from me and there is nothing I can do about it. I'm alone, again.

I hear Dean trying to get back into the house but then the noise stops. I guess one of the demons knocked him out because a few minutes later I hear the van turn on and it start to leave. With them gone I can relax. I kept Dean alive. If nothing else he's alive. Once he's gotten over me he can move back with Lisa and Ben and have a normal life. The thought of it makes me smile. He can be happy. That's all that matters. Knowing he'll be alive out there makes it all worth it. I will find away to fight Crowley off even if it means killing myself. I can die happy knowing that even if it was just for a little bit I was loved and I loved. It's enough to die for.

I put the gun down and pull a knife out of my pocket. I put it to my possession tattoo and drag it across my flesh breaking the power of it. "Now for my end of the bargain." Crowley looks at me smiles. I see him leave his current body and I feel him enter mine. It's like a battle. He pushes me back and I try to fight but he takes full control over me. I keep trying to fight him back but I can't. I feel my body closing in around me. The darkness is surrounding me. Each crevice if my body is slowly overwhelmed by him and I being to lose control. I never thought I would feel this again. Before he can fully take over me I think of Dean and it goes black.


	37. Chapter 37

Dean's POV

Where the fuck am I? I start to move around and I don't recognize my surroundings. I feel cheap polyester beneath me and I feel cold and alone. My hands hurt and I look at them and see I have ripped off some of my nails and my knuckles are bleeding. I start to move around and try to find Lara with my hands. When I'm asleep she's usually not more than an arm's length away. I slowly start to sit up and realize I'm in a van. I look up and see Sam driving and Gabby sobbing in the seat next to him. It comes back like a flood. She's gone.

"Pull this fucking van around right now!" I scream. Sam jumps up and turns around and looks relieved to see me awake. "Turn around now! We need to get her!"

Sam starts to shake his head. "No I already called Bobby. We are heading there and we are going to regroup and come up with a plan to get her back. If we go back now we will all get killed. They had has 30 to one back there and by now Crowley is wearing Lara. We are doing this smart or we're not doing it at all." Since when did Sammy grow a pair of balls?

This is impossible. She's gone. I look next to me hoping that maybe I was wrong and she is sitting next to me, but she's not. They took her. She gave herself over to save my life. I don't cry but I can feel tears burning in my eyes begging to be shed. She's gone. It's like the sun has been stolen from the sky and all that is left is pitch black dark.

With her gone I can feel a darkness come over me. I am going to kill every last one of those fucking creatures that touched her and god help anything that hurts her before I find her. I feel the anger take over my body and I can't see I'm so filled with rage. They think they can take away the woman I love and I won't seek revenge? They don't even know what I am capable of, yet I think with a smirk.

We pull into Bobby's drive way and I jump out and don't even bother shutting the door. I yank the front door open and I see Cas pacing the room with Bobby and Jody looking frantically over books. I run over to him and grab him by his collar. "What the fuck happened Cas?" I yell at him.

I see the shame written all over his face. "The demons killed the shape shifters. There were too many of them. They came here too and overwhelmed Bobby and Jody. We tried to stop them but..."

"It's my fault!" Jody bursts out and starts to sob. "They attacked me at work and possessed me. They could read my mind. Bobby found me and exorcised the demon and we called Cas for help. They got the information from my head. It's my fault she's gone." Jody falls into Bobby sobbing uncontrollably. I drop Cas and spin around the room.

I feel the need to punch something, hell kill something, but I know I need to stay focused. "Jody it isn't your fault." I can tell Jody isn't going to listen to me. I walk over to Cas and grab him by the arm. "You're plan didn't work. Now it's my turn. We are going to find every last one of those fuckers and kill them. They stole my woman and I am not going to sit back and go back into hiding. How do we find them?" I say angrily.

Cas shakes me off and starts to pace again. "I know my plan failed and I'm sorry. We will find them and get her back. I don't know where they are hiding out but we have a lead downstairs. We managed to catch one demon and he's chained up but he hasn't spoken yet."

"Let me at him." And I stomp downstairs and to find this creature who helped take Lara from me. Before I can get to the door Cas grabs my arm. "Can you come back from this if you go down there and torture him?"

I shake him off. "I love her Cas and I will go to hell and back if that means saving her." I know I didn't answer his question but I head downstairs and meet the demon who might know where she is.

It's been years since I have used that set of skills but they came back quickly, maybe too quickly. The demon didn't know anything. He knew where they were based but I can tell that they have moved on already. Regardless I'll start there and hopefully find someone else who can find her. What I just did was evil but it felt good to do it. It didn't' take long and he was singing loudly telling me everything I wanted to know. I knew before I started that the body he was in was dead already only hanging on because the demon was in it before it was mortally wounded. I don't know if I could have done it if that body was alive not after what Lara told me it was like.

I stomp back upstairs and see Sam, Gabby, and Cas sitting at the table with a bottle of jack in front of them and three empty cups in their hands. I can hear Jody still crying in the living room and Bobby trying to calm her down. "We have a place to start, a rundown factory in Pittsburgh. We'll head out." They don't fight me. They know I won't be swayed. All of our stuff was left at the cabin. I walk into the living room. "Bobby when you get a chance, head back down to the cabin and get our stuff. I want Lara to have her things when we get her back." Bobby shakes his head and I run upstairs to see if I have anything left to bring with me.

The room feels like her. Her smell is all over it. I feel myself wanting to break down again but I can't. I start to dig through the drawers and I find some old clothes. Some of my old shirts were tucked away in her drawers. How could I have been so dense not to see that she loved me back? I throw them in a bag and slam the drawer. I look at the dresser and see the picture of us together in the Space Needle and grab it. We were happy in that picture. If I was smarter I would have told her then how I felt. Instead I waited too long. I throw the picture in my bag as well. I pull her bracelet out of my pocket and just look at it for a minute. I grab is so tight in my hands I actually feel one of the charms puncture my palm.

I close my eyes and think of our last kiss. She was crying so hard and she held that gun to her head with such resolve I was afraid she would actually pull the trigger. She kissed me and I could feel her trying to drain herself into me with it. "Leave and don't look back" She said to me. How is that even possible? "Move on" she suggested as if I could just wake up tomorrow and forget about her.

When I find her I am going to tether her to me if I have to make sure she doesn't get taken again. I promised her nothing would get her. I promised her I would keep her safe. And they took her from my grasp. I failed her. I was supposed to make sure nothing happened and she got taken from my hands. She trusted me to keep her safe and I let her down. I have to make it right. I shove her bracelet back in my jeans pocket and dig through another drawer. I know it's here.

My mother's engagement ring. Somehow my father found it in the ash of the house. He took it to Missouri and made sure it had no negative energy in it from her death and she swore it didn't. That all it had was the love for her family left in the stone. When I find Lara I am not wasting another moment of our life.

Gabriella POV

It took us three days but we finally got Dean to stop and sleep. We've been to Pittsburgh and got a big load of nothing. Then we went to Cleveland and another big load of nothing. Behind us is a pile of dead demons and I don't know what is ahead of us.

To my surprise when we got to the hotel Dean went right to sleep. I thought he would fight it more but not sleeping for three days can do it to you I guess. Since we got in Sam has been doing research. He has spent every second of the last three days that we weren't killing something on that laptop trying to find a clue has to where she might be. He feels guilty too. He told me he wished he could have turned the van around and gotten her back but it just wasn't safe. I tried to tell him he did the right thing that we need a plan but I feel guilty too. I know the reason he didn't turn around was me. He would have risked his life to get her back for Dean but he wouldn't risk mine.

I've been with Dean for weeks now and I have grown too really like him but right now he kind of scares me. He was so carefree and fun at the cabin. All of that is gone now and he's dark and angry. Sam sees it too. Every once in awhile Sam catches my eye and I can tell from his look he sees it. I've seen him rip demons to shreds with his bare hands. I'm not sure if I've ever seen something so angry or violent in my life. At the same time I know it's all because he loves her that much.

Sam has become something special to me. I don't know what yet. We told each other that we were in love the first time we made love at the cabin. It's hard to think of the cabin now. We were all so happy until Lara was taken. Now I don't know where we stand. It's late and I know Dean is going to have us up and awake early. He hasn't started screaming out yet in his sleep but that may have more to do with the half a bottle of jack he chugged before falling into bed.

I walk over to Sam and shut the lid of his computer. "It's time for bed Sam. We all need to rest." He reluctantly agrees and gets up and falls into bed. I'm not sure if I should get in bed with him or take the couch. Our relationship is still so new and with everything going on I don't know if it is appropriate for me to sleep next to him. While I'm trying to make my decision he grabs my hand and pulls me down next to him. Within a moment I can tell he's asleep. He's on his stomach with his arm over my chest and he's sound asleep.

Just five days ago everyone in this room was happy. Sam and I had been flirting relentlessly at the cabin. Then one morning we kind of bumped into each other while getting ready and we kissed. Then that afternoon on the kitchen table he took me. That was an earth shattering experience, then when he carried me back to our room and told me he loved me I felt my heart explode. We had 24 hours of total joy which is more than I've had for a long time. I think they forget that I was raised by hunters sometimes too. My big plan of getting us some alone time on the drive to town worked. Within 10 miles of the cabin we had pulled over and were hooking up in the back of the van. On the way back we had to pull over two more times. I can't help but blush when I think of us naked in the back of that van.

I can't think of it now. I couldn't possibly think of it while Dean is 5 feet from us and so miserable. Dean starts to moan. I can tell a nightmare is about to hit him. I move Sam's arm and walk over to Dean and shake him awake. He quickly jumps up and grabs the gun from under his pillow. "Easy there tiger. It's just me you were having a nightmare go back to sleep." I see a picture of him and Lara poking out from the top of his duffel and I feel sadness wash over me.

He drops the gun and puts his head back down on the pillow but I very much doubt he will be sleeping well tonight. I walk softly back to my bed and crawl in next to Sam. He must have noticed I was gone because when I get back in he pulls me closer and tighter to him and kisses my cheek. In the dark he whispers in to my ear. "I know this is rough right now Gabriella but I do still love you." I look at him and smile. I kiss him softly and he falls back asleep.

I am finally able to sleep but I can hear Dean screaming out through my dreams I'm just too tired to move. I feel Sam get up a few times in the night and shake him awake and I think I might even get up in a fog once or twice. The worst is how he screams out her name. It is so full of loss and sorrow. He mutters about the children a lot too. I'm not sure what that means.

Around 5 am the room got quiet and Sam and I were able to fall deeply asleep. It didn't last long though at 7 am Dean was shaking us awake. "We gotta move guys." He says casually has he finishes packing his bag.

I don't have much stuff. All I had was on my back and I snagged a few odd pieces of Sam's old clothes and threw them in his bag before we headed out. So it takes me moments to pack up and we're out. When we get to the car Sam sits up front and is asleep in moments and Dean continues to drive like a bat out of hell. "Dean who are the children?" I don't know what possessed me to ask him that but something did.

One look at his face makes me wish I didn't. He looks like I just shot him. He looks at me in the review mirror and I can tell he's trying very hard not to cry. "After Cas told Lara and I what we were supposed to be and do we started having dreams. In those dreams we see the life we were suppose to have including the kids. It's like some kind of sick fucking joke. It's so real when I'm there but it's fake." He doesn't' say anything else.

I reach forward and put my hand on his shoulder. "We'll find her Dean. If you need to talk about them or her you can talk to me anytime." He doesn't say anything for a moment and just keeps focusing on the road.

He pulls something out of his pocket and hands it to me. I look down and I see it's a ring. It's a simple white gold ring with a tear shaped diamond on it. "Do you think she'll like it? It was my mother's." I try not to cry. He wants to marry her. From what Sam has told me about his older brother's track record this is unexpected. He was a bit of player growing up. Commitment was a four letter word to him and he had a woman in every county. But that Dean Winchester is long gone now. The one in front of me is in love with Lara and wants to be committed to her for the rest of his life. I wish Sam was awake to hear this.

I look at it one last time and put it in his outstretched hand. "She'll love it." I just hope we find her or I think he'll kill himself. "Tell me about them Dean." I didn't think I needed to explain further. If he needs to talk about them he will if not he'll keep driving.

After 30 minutes elapse I figure he doesn't want to talk, but then out of nowhere he starts to speak. "The oldest they've been that I have seen is when John is 12. He is supposed to be Christ reborn for the upcoming apocalypse but every time I see him he's just my son. We both know that God is his true father but he calls me Daddy and gives me a present every year for father's day. When I'm there I understand why I would say yes to Michael. I have to protect my son. When he was born Lara was so worried I would be angry because he wasn't my true born son. God asked us to conceive him on our wedding night and I agreed to it. When he came out and the doctor put him in her arms I looked down at him and knew he would always be my son. I looked at her and said I wanted to name him John after my father and she started to cry. He can actually walk on water. Can you believe that? Lara and I took him to a lake one summer when he was about 2 years old with Sam, Ruby, and their son, and we looked out and he was walking on top of the water. You should have seen the look on Lara's face. I wish I had my camera out." He stops for a moment and the trance of listening to him wears off and I look at Sam who is now awake in the front seat staring at his brother intently.

Dean starts up again. "The oldest twins are 9, Cole and Gabe. They have my hair color and Lara's blue eyes. Cole's most prized possession in the world is this stuffed bear named Captain Fuzzy. Actually Sam you gave it to him when he was born. It's sad though because as they get older I see him play with him less and less and I know my baby is growing up. Gabe is a little genius. He must take after his uncle Sammy because he has already skipped a grade and the teachers have him in the gifted program. He's a bit of a mama's boy and Lara dotes on him. One day I came home from work early and he was upset because one of the older kids in his class made fun of him for being a dork and I found her teaching him how to throw a punch to hit the kid the next time he picked on up. I couldn't stop laughing and Lara told me her baby needed to be able to protect himself."

For the first time since Lara has been taken I see Dean calm and not angry. When he talks about his family, even if they aren't real, he becomes almost peaceful. I would never tell him I saw it but I could see tears falling down his face. "Rick and Luke are 7 and they are going to be the reason our hair falls out and turns gray. They have my eyes and Lara's dark almost black hair. They are such a handful and love to pull pranks. When we took them all camping for vacation one summer they stole Cas' old trench coat and brought it with them. Rick got on Luke's shoulders and put the coat and came out of the woods pretending to be a sasquatch but now that I have actually seen one I can tell you they did a bad job of it. Lara freaked out and grabbed Daphne, John, Cole, and Gabe and put them behind her and picked up a stick to defend them with and screamed for me. Once Rick and Luke saw me running out of the woods with a panicked look on my face they started laughing and Rick fell off Luke's shoulders and twisted his arm. Once Lara realized it was them she dropped the stick and held Rick until he stopped crying. When he was better she gave them the lecture of the century and made them sit in separate tents for the rest of the day. That night she cried on me telling me that we should tell them the truth about the supernatural world because she was worried she would have hit them with the stick. I didn't mean to laugh but the idea of her defending herself and the other four kids with a stick just seemed funny. She hit my ribs and started laughing as well. We decided that night that on their 13th birthdays we would sit them down and let them know the truth about everything."

Sam looks back at me and I can see the pain in his eyes for what his brother is going through. "Then there's Daphne. She's 3 and she's a daddy's girl. When she was born I swear to you she grabbed my finger. At that moment Lara laughed and said that for has long as I was alive this little angel would have me wrapped around her little finger. She is blonde like our mom Sam and she has Lara's dark blue eyes. I am worried when she's older I am going to have to beat the boys back with a stick to keep them off her. She's a sweet girl who likes tea parties and her dolls but at the same time she's a bit of a tom boy sometimes. She wants to be one of the boys and is often found instigating them or convincing Rick and Luke to do ridiculous things. I found Rick and Luke tied up to a tree outside once with Daphne running around them. I asked her what she was doing and she started to giggle. I just wanted to see if I could make them tie themselves up she said to me. When she has a nightmare she always comes into our room and crawls into bed with us and holds on to me. She smells like candy and kicks around in her sleep."

There's a part of me that wished I never asked. It hurts me to know he has to dream about this and sees this every night. But the other part of me is glad that he is speaking to us about this. He hasn't cried since she was taken and all that emotion boiling around in there can't be good. He doesn't seem to realize we're even in the car any more. "Then there's Lara. I love the real Lara more than life itself but I can see the similarities between the two. She's a great mom. It's like she was always meant to be a mom. But you guys can see that too. Just look at how she was with us all in the cabin. She is so happy and full of life. We're madly in love. It's been 12 years and every time I'm with her it's like the first time. I'll never be sick of her or stop wanting her. She's perfect. The difference is I protect her on that plane. No one takes her from me. No demon takes over her body and tires to make her open purgatory. That Dean is better for her. He keeps her safe while I let her get kidnapped and god knows what else happen to her. When we get her back how can she forgive me and still love me? I promised nothing would hurt her. I promised I would keep her safe. And what happens? 30 minutes after I finally tell her I love her she gets taken away."

Sam grabs his brother's arm and Dean slowly pulls over the car. "Dean we are going to get her back and all of those things are still going to happen. She loves you Dean and she's not going to blame you for her getting taken. She gave herself over willing to save you. She is just as crazy about you as you are about her. It's you that has caused the change in her from the scared beat up girl we found in that basement to the woman you are in love with. It's you that has made her happy. It's you that taught her how to defend herself. It's you that holds her when she wakes up in the night from her nightmares. It's you that finally made her realize she was worth loving. Not some other Dean on a path that never happened. "

Dean looks at his brother and for the first time in 4 days gives him a cocky grin. "I don't do chick flick moments Sammy and this is turning into one quickly." Sam lets out a sigh of relief and he starts to drive again.

Dean pulls back on to the road and it's like the conversation never happened. He's driving fast with our next mission in sight. I see him start to change back again. I see his teeth start to clench and his jaw line harden. I see his eyes get dark and angry again. Now that I've heard how much he does love her I feel myself changing too. Lara is my best friend and she kept me sane for the three worst years of my life. I want her to have that life and I want her to be back with Dean. I am going to kill anything that gets in the way of that happening for her. I feel my jaw clench and I my eyes start to squint. We are going to get her back.


	38. Chapter 38

Lara's POV

My body aches and my head feels almost swollen. I feel confused and out of place. I can feel I am in bed and I can see the sun through my eyelids but something is telling me not to open my eyes quite yet. I stretch out my hand brushes against something in the bed next to me and my eyes jerk open and I look over. It's just Dean nothing to worry about.

Wait, it's just Dean! I thought that the demon got me. I jump out of bed and start to panic. My body was taken over so how the hell am I here. I must have woken Dean when I jumped because he is standing next to me wide awake. "Calm down Lara it was just a dream."

I push him back. "This isn't real Dean. I was just taken over by Crowley I'm possessed right now." I feel frantic. I keep looking around for a sign that I am possessed. I don't recognize this room. I can tell it's mine but I don't remember it. The picture of us at the Space Needle is on the dresser and there is another shot next to it that must have been our wedding day. I run to the mirror and lift up the back of my shirt and see that I still have my scars. This isn't one of those dreams either.

Dean walks over to me and gives me a hug. "This happens sometimes sweetheart. You need to just relax. It's been three years since you were possessed. We got you back and during the final fight your head got hit and there has been some residual damage. Sometimes you forgot where and what time you are in. Just relax and it normally comes back to you."

Something isn't right. How could it be three years later? I don't remember any of this. I look down at my left hand and I'm wearing a gold wedding band and an engagement ring. My wrists are empty though. Where is my bracelet? Maybe this is real. Before I can think any further I hear cries. I look at Dean panicked. "Who is that?"

Dean looks sad. He kisses me forehead. "It's our son." He leaves the room and I follow behind him. Did he say son? I follow him down the hall and sure enough there is a baby standing up in the crib crying for his mom and dad. "There's my big boy! How are you this morning?" Dean says to the child in such a soft sweet voice I want to melt. He picks him up and the baby stops crying and starts to laugh. "Looks like we have a wet diaper on our hands." He puts the baby down on the changing table and starts to change him.

"Dean I'm sorry. I'm still really confused. Where are we? Where are Bobby, Jody, Sam, Gabby, and Cas? My bracelet where is it?" There are so many questions filling my head it almost hurts to process them all. Dean continues to change the baby's diaper. Once he's done he walks over to me and gives me a tight hug and a sweet kiss then guides me to the rocking chair in the corner and sits me down.

"He's hungry sweetheart. You need to feed him." I feel like my limbs aren't my own and I'm running purely on memory. I lift off my shift and cradle the baby and bring him to my breast. "Lara I need you stay calm and just relax. We go through this sometimes honey. After we got back Jody moved in with Bobby and gave us her house as a wedding present. We are living there now. Sam and Gabby broke up about 2 years ago and they both check in all the time and still hunt together. They are sleeping in the guest rooms right now actually. Your bracelet was lost in the fight at the cabin. I went back to look for it but it was gone. This is where it get's hard sweetheart but remember I love you. Cas died when we were fighting Crowley. When we got pregnant you said if it was a boy you wanted to name it after him so our little guy's name is Castiel." He must have sensed I was about to panic because he gives me a hug and kisses my forehead. "Just keep feeding him and we'll talk more." I do has he says and look down at what is apparently my baby.

After a few minutes the baby seems full and Dean takes him from me and I put my shirt back on and I follow him downstairs. "How often does this happen to me Dean?"

He seems to frown and put the baby in his high chair. "Not that often anymore, just a few times a year. You usually remember everything after a few hours but there was a time last year where you went 3 months without remembering it. That was really rough since you were pregnant at the time and you couldn't remember that you were."

Dean starts to pull things out of the fridge and the cupboards and I'm assuming he is making breakfast. He puts a skillet on the stove and puts bacon on it. The smell reaches me and I get up and run to throw up. That isn't like him. He knows that the smell of cooking meat makes me sick. I come back to the kitchen and he gives me a smile like nothing happened.

I don't eat the bacon but I make some eggs and eat them while we sit there in silence for a few minutes. "Lara I have to work today are you going to be ok to stay here?" He's leaving already. How am I supposed to take care of a baby when I don't remember even having one? I give him a panicked look. "It's ok you can come with me if you want or I can wake Sam up before I leave. I just work with Bobby and Jody loves when you and the baby come over." I don't think I can see them right now. It's just too much for me to process.

"No I'll stay here. Just come home for lunch please." He shakes his head and gives me another kiss. He then runs upstairs to change. I look at the baby sitting next to me. Is it really mine? When Dean comes down I look at him. "Where are the twins?" It's all so jumbled together it's hard to separate.

He walks over to me and kisses me softly on the lips. "Sweetheart the doctor said you won't be able to have any more kids. The twins are just something you dream about sometimes. Are you sure you can stay here?" As he asks me I see Sam coming down the stairs in a tired daze.

I shake my head yes and kiss him desperately. I'm scared but he said this is real. "I'll be fine. Just come back soon. I love you."

"I love you too." He says has nods at me then he leaves and Sam walks over to baby Castiel and kisses his cheek.

"How are my nephew and his lovely mother today?" He walks over and gives me a hug. Something about it just doesn't feel right. It kind of scares me. I am just being my normal nervous self. Why does this all feel so weird?

"I'm fine Sam, just having a harder time apparently putting all the pieces together today." Baby Casitel starts to cry and I pick him up and start to rock him. "I don't remember this life and Dean says that it happens sometimes. Something to do with a head injury but I don't know what's going on here."

He looks at me smiles and points. "It looks like you know just fine." I look down at my baby is calm and smiling in my arms. "It will come back in time. We're all used to it. It always hurts him when you don't' remember. Reminds him that he failed you once." I try to protest but Sam puts his hand up. "Don't bother telling me it's him you have to convince."

I hear another set of feet coming down the stairs and I turn to see Gabby. She looks different. Her hair is shorter and she seems harder. "Good morning Gabby how are you?"

She mumbles something and grabs a coffee mug out of the cupboard and pours herself a cup. I guess she knows it here pretty good since I didn't even know the cups were there. She takes a gulp and looks at Sam. "Is she having one of those days again?" She kind rolls her eyes when she says it and I'm hit with the vehemence in her voice.

He nods and she huffs off back upstairs. I hear the water turn on and I assume she's taking a shower. Sam continues to hover around making sure I don't do anything stupid I suppose. "How old is he?" I ask him.

"Almost a year. He can walk and he can talk a bit." I take Baby Cas into the living room and put him down on the floor with some of his toys and sit down with him. This feels more familiar. I can't be sure if it's because of the dreams I have of the children of it it's because I actually remember my baby.

Around noon Dean comes back home and I'm very relieved to see him. But one look at him has me take a step back. He looks frustrated and angry. I wait for him to come to me and when he does I give him a quick kiss. "How is working going so far?"

"Fine." Is all he says and he goes into the kitchen. I had made soup and sandwiches hoping he would come home for lunch. Sam and Gabby must have heard him come home because they both appear in the kitchen. I pick up Baby Cas and put him in his high chair and feed him some of his baby food. No one says much at lunch. It feels so strange not at all like it was at the cabin. The cabin was three years ago I remind myself.

Once everyone is done eating I start to clean up the kitchen. Gabby has gone into the living room and is watching TV and Sam is playing with Cas in the living room as well. Dean hasn't said much since he's been home and went upstairs about 10 minutes ago. He comes down with a duffel bag and drops it on the table. "Lara I have to go on a hunt for Bobby. I'll only be gone like a week. Jody and Bobby said you can go stay with them or they can come here if you'd like."

I feel myself start to panic. He can't be leaving me right now. Not when I don't even know what's going on. He must notice I'm getting upset because he gives me a hug. "You know I have to do this sometimes. There are just some hunts that he needs me for. We agreed when we got married I would only do a few and I promise I'll be back." I don't know what to say. I don't remember that agreement but then again I don't remember getting married here either.

I try to look brave and I give him a kiss. "Just call me to let me know you're ok. Are Gabby and Sam going with you?" I ask him trying to sound normal.

He shakes his head no. "Bobby has a different hunt for them to go on. He should be calling them in a few hours when he has more details. Just so I feel better why don't you go pack a bag for you and Cas and come back with me to their house."

I agree and run upstairs to pack a small suitcase. It takes me longer than it should because I don't know where anything is. I know the clothes are mine unless Dean wears girls clothes that are too small for him sometimes but I don't recognize them. I go into Cas' room and pack up some of his baby clothes, toys, diapers, bottles, and all kinds of things that I find. I assume I keep some stuff for him at Bobby's but I really can't be sure. I come back downstairs and put the suitcases next to Dean's bag on the table and find Dean and Sam fighting in the living room.

"You can't be serious Dean! Is that what you are really going to do?" Sam yells at Dean.

Gabby hits Sam's arm and yells at him. "Can you blame him Sam? This whole situation is fucked up and he's tired of it!"

They all notice me and stop yelling and I try to smile at them but I have no clue what they are talking about. Sam pushes Dean and walks by me fast and I hear him slam the door behind me and I jump and I hear Cas start to cry. I run over to him and pick him up and rock him and he stops soon. Gabby gives me a disgusted look and follows Sam out the door. "I'm ready to go when you are Dean." I say trying to sound confident.

He doesn't say anything and just nods. I follow him into the kitchen and he grabs our bags and we head out to the car. I see a baby seat in the back of the impala and I strap Cas is while Dean puts our stuff in the trunk. We get into the car and the drive is silent the whole way to Bobby's. I think back to our other car trips where the silence seems fine but this silence is filled with tension and I'm not even sure why. When we get here he grabs mine and Cas' things out of the trunk and puts them on the porch. He gives Cas a kiss on the forehead and gives me a hug. He pulls back and walks back to the car. "I love you Dean." I say to him has he opens his door.

"I'll call you soon." And he climbs into his seat and drives off. I can't explain it but I want to cry. What happened between this morning and now? This morning he was so sweet and nice and now he is so cold and distant. I turn around to find Bobby at the front door with a big smile on his face and open arms.

"Hey sweetheart! I am so glad to have you and Baby Cas staying with us for a few days." I accept the big hug from him and relax. He feels like normal Bobby like my Uncle Bobby. Jody comes up behind him and grabs Cas.

"Well how is my handsome little baby boy today?" She says in a baby voice to Cas. He starts to laugh and claps his hands together and gives Jody little kisses. I grab our bags and head upstairs to Dean's and I room.

When I open the door I am relieved to see that not much has changed. The bedding and the curtains are the same. The picture from the Space Needle is missing but I remember seeing that in my room at home. There is small crib on my side of the bed set up for Baby Cas. I feel better here and more relaxed. I unpack our things and find a bunch of baby things and toys and let out a sigh of relief. At least I have things to keep him occupied with here.

I go back downstairs to find Jody and Bobby sitting on the floor playing with Cas. I come in and sit next to them and Cas stumbles over to me and gives me a big hug and says. "Mama." His touch feels so real. Maybe this is real.


	39. Chapter 39

Sam's POV

It has been two months since Lara was taken. Dean has gone from bad to worse, and even worse than worse if you can believe it. A few weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night and he was gone. I woke Gabriella up to ask her if she knew where he was. She said no and we both quickly got up and searched for him. It only took me a few moments to realize what he was probably doing.

We jumped a car and drive to the nearest cross roads and sure enough Dean is drunk as a skunk and trying to make a deal. The demon is laughing at him. "Crowley is my boss you idiot. I wouldn't make a deal with you for anything."

Dean was drunk and slurring his words. "If you tell me where she is I'll let you take me the minute I have her back." And then he fell over. I didn't even have it in me to kill the demon. I was just glad it didn't take his offer. I walk over to my brother and Gabriella helps me carry him back to the impala.

When he finally woke up the next morning I punched him in the face. "What the fuck would Lara do if she found out you sold your soul to get her back? Are you an idiot? She would never forgive herself and she would be devastated for the rest of her life!" He didn't even try to fight me. He knew I was right.

It sucks to see him like this. He is my big brother and I would do anything for him. He raised me when my father was too busy to bother with me. He sold his soul to bring my back from the dead. He forgave me when I got addicted to demon blood. Hell he forgave me when I started the fucking apocalypse. He even helped me get my soul back. And now there is nothing I can do to make it up to him.

We go city to city interrogating demons trying to find out where she is. Most demons won't even talk choosing to die in agony rather than risk their King finding out they betrayed him.

Ever since he told Gabriella and I about Lara and the children that day in the car he hasn't mentioned it again and I have felt horrible for him. I've known my brother my entire life and he has never been in love before. I never thought he would be but the kind of man who could just be with one woman but I thought if he ever did he would fall hard. I had no idea how hard he had actually fallen. When he was talking about their children and their life together it was like he was reading holy text. He was so happy and calm. We have to get her back before that part of him is completely consumed with the anger and hatred.

Gabriella has been a god send to me. If she wasn't here I don't know what I would do. She has been with us every step of the way. I feel bad because I want to be able to spend time with her and build this relationship that we have started but with Lara gone it has taken over all of our lives.

Dean is out combing the streets for his next victim and Gabriella and I are back in the room researching. I am trying to find any sign of a big demon cluster or something to say where they could be. Cas and Eve have been looking for her to but can't seem to find her.

Gabriella head slams down on the table and she jumps up looking confused. She must have fallen asleep while she was reading. "Honey your exhausted go to bed. I'll join you soon I just have a few more things to look up." She shakes her head and picks herself up and collapses in our bed. She doesn't have the energy to change so she just kicks off her clothes and climbs under the covers.

After two more hours of research Dean still isn't back and I can't keep my eyes open anymore. I lay salt down in front of the door and throw my clothes off has I walk and crawl into bed next to Gabriella.

She's so warm and soft. She's on her back with her arm over her eyes and she's breathing lightly. I feel guilty all over again. Since Lara was taken we haven't had sex. I don't want her to think I'm not interested anymore it's just I'm so exhausted all the time and I can't even imagine having sex with her while Dean is in the room mourning next to us. I lie down on my stomach and put my arm over her and fall asleep feeling the rise and fall of her chest.

When I wake up in the morning we haven't moved and Dean's bed is not slept in and the salt lines haven't been disturbed. I guess Dean hasn't been back yet. I look at the clock and see I have been sleeping for 8 hours. That's the most I've slept in two months. I roll over and slowly sit up and look down at Gabriella. She looks so beautiful laying there and I lean down and kiss her lips. She slowly starts to wake up and gives me a smile. "Well good morning to you too." She says to me. I lean down and kiss her again.

I didn't mean to but before I realize it we are making out. It's been so long since I've been with her even though she has been right next to me every day. I need to let out the stress of what has been going on and I can tell she needs to as well.

We were both too tired the night before to put on pajamas and we just kicked off what we were wearing before climbing into bed so it's not long before we are naked. It isn't the same has before, it isn't fun and care free this is fast and desperate. Seeing how Dean is without Lara makes me appreciate having Gabriella still here so much more.

She wraps her legs around my waist and digs her nails into my back and we rock together faster. I feel her start to go over the edge and I kiss her quickly and feel her come beneath me. Just a moment later and I'm with her. I lay on top of her for a moment to comfortable to even think of moving. When I have control over my limbs again I roll of and pull her into my arms and kiss her cheek.

I can tell she's content because she's smiling. She looks up at me and kisses me lips slowly. "That was a lot nicer way to wake up than an alarm clock." She says with a laugh. I laugh and pull the blankets that are tangled all around us up and over us.

Sometimes when I think in my head it just blurts out of my mouth. "I'm sorry I wasn't planning on doing this and I didn't wear like anything." Way to blow a great morning with an awkward conversation idiot.

Gabriella stays calm and uses her fingers to trace the scars on my chest. "It's fine. I can't get pregnant anyways so we don't have to worry about that."

"I'm sorry Gabriella. I didn't know I would have said anything if I knew. I was just trying to let you know, that well, that I guess, that it could have been a possibility and with everything going on it just..." She kisses me quiet. She must have been getting sick of my inability to speak.

I don't know if she's mad at me or not but she gets out of bed and heads to the bathroom. Before she can disappear into the bathroom I jump out and run over to her and hold her. "I'm sorry Gabriella." She doesn't say anything but holds me back. She kisses me and turns around and walks into the bathroom.

I mope around the room picking up my clothes has I go trying to get ready for the day. I hear the water turn on and once it does the front door opens and Dean comes through the door. He looks like shit and he doesn't smell much better. He hasn't shaved since Lara was taken and he hasn't bathed much either. He is covered in a blood but I can quickly tell it's not his. "I came back and I opened the door a little and saw you guys were busy and waited till you were done." That isn't like Dean. The old Dean would have come in a razzed me for it while I was with Gabriella. Hell the old Dean may have even joked and asked to join for a threesome. Not this Dean. He's dead inside.

I give him a weak smile and he plops down into his empty bed. "I have a lead. A demon said he heard they might be in an old factory in Detroit. I really fucking hate that place and don't want to go back." I know what he means about Detroit. It's a bad place for us. "When we find her will she actually be safer with me? Maybe we should leave her at Bobby's and let him take care of her."

Since when has my brother ever been unsure of himself? "What are you talking about?"

He looks at me and I don't recognize him. He's so broken. "The Winchester curse Sam. The women we love end up dead Sam. Am I going to curse her if I stay around?"

I walk to him and put my hand on his shoulder. "Dean there is no curse. You love her right?" He looks at me and shakes his head. "Then be happy. Don't let some stupid idea ruin that." He doesn't say anything and I hope he listened to me. I look at the bathroom door. I hope I can be strong enough to take my own advice.

The water turns off and Gabriella comes out with a bit of shock on her face to see Dean sitting there. Dean quickly gets up and takes her place in the shower. Good he smells horrible. When Dean turns the water on I know I only have a few moments alone with her. I walk to her and brush the wet hair off her face and hold her face in front of me. "I love you, and when this whole debacle is done I swear we will have some time just the two of us to see where this goes. If you need to bail out for your sanity that is fine, you can go back to Bobby's or wherever you want and wait until this is passed. But right now my brother really needs me and I have to help him. I just want you to know that even though it seems like all I think about is him and finding Lara in reality my mind is constantly on you."

She leans in and kisses me. "I am staying right where I am until we find her. When we do I'll hold you up to your promise of us having time together but right now Lara and Dean need us." I relax. I just needed to make sure she knew. Then her usual smile comes over her face and she cocks her head to the side. "Besides whose going to make sure you two boys don't get yourself killed if I don't stick around?" I laugh and I know everything is ok with us.

When Dean comes out I go into the shower and we are ready to go. While we are driving I feel the atmosphere of the car change and I turn around to see Eve and Cas sitting in the back seat next to Gabriella. She lets out a shriek and Dean almost wrecks the car but luckily pulls over to the side of the road. "What the hell Cas!" Dean yells at him.

Cas looks at Eve then back at Dean. "They are going to be in Detroit in 10 hours." He hands Dean a piece of paper. "That's the address. We will help you get her back. We are going to go ahead and scout it out. Drive fast Dean." Then they're gone.

Dean pulls out the paper and stuffs it on the dash board and hits the gas. We make it there in 7 hours. When we arrive we notice that the factory looks abandoned. We park far away so that no one would see our car. How is this place going to have them in 2 hours? We pull a small arsenal out of the trunk and we are all loaded. Before we go in Dean looks at Gabriella and I. "Whatever you do don't shot or hurt her body. We will exorcise him and get her back." We both shake our head in agreement and we walk towards the factory.

We enter the factory and well all split up to cover the first floor. It doesn't take long for Eve and Cas to find us and bring us to the foreman's old office overlooking the factory. We look down and see that they have placed demon traps throughout the building. Cas points down. "All we need is for Crowley to step in one and we can get her out. Eve and I have filled the water tanks for the emergency system of this building with holy water. When they are all in here we can turn it on and stun the demons long enough to get Lara's body in one of those traps. If we are lucky Lara can overpower Crowley and we can get her out without a problem. If at any time I tell you to close your eyes close them immediately close them because we are going to eradicate those creatures with our grace. That is going to be a last ditch effort because I don't want to risk hurting her. This is going to be tough so we got to stick together."

We all shake our heads and Cas tells us all where to go and wait for his orders. We all sit in our spots quietly and camouflaged but we can all see him in the foreman's office and we wait. Just like they said they were there 10 hours from the time we meet in the car on the dot. I look up and Cas looks stoic and ready for battle.

I hear the hordes of demons coming in and I feel myself growing nervous. I clutch the colt just like I assume Gabriella is clutching the demon killing blade right now. Cas gave her instructions to kill any of them who get separated from the pack if she can do it without getting caught. I can hear at least 50 of them. I just hope one of them doesn't step on a trap before we are ready. Cas' and Eve's attack plan is solid but one wrong move could ruin it before it even starts.

Then she walks in. Only it's not Lara anymore. Everything about her has changed but she's the same. Her walk is different, her stance is different, her voice has a bit of a harsh edge to it, but she still looks like her. Her body is laughing with the demons like they are old friends. She's wearing a navy blue suit with high heels and looks like she is running a fortune 500 company. Her hair is pulled back in a slick bun. She looks my direction and for the first time I notice her eyes are different. They flash black. I try not to jump and stay hidden.

I look up and Cas nods towards Dean which means phase 1 is about to begin. Dean steps out from his hiding spot and fires his gun at random at the demons surrounding Lara making sure not one hits her. Lara looks at him and smirks. "Poor stupid Dean. I was going to let you live. I wanted to let you live. But now you need to die."

Phase 1, lore Lara out, has just begun.


	40. Chapter 40

Lara's POV

It's been two months since I woke up here and I still don't remember anything before I woke up. I pretend I do from information I have gleaned from everyone around me but I really don't. I don't like it here. It feels scary and lonely except for my baby. Baby Cas is just so perfect and sweet. The way he says mama brings tears to my eyes.

My entire life has become taking care of him now. When I wake up I feed him. Jody told me that I wanted to breast feed him until he was exactly one year because I read in a book that it was good for the baby. I have only one week left to his first birthday. Then I take him downstairs and I play with him all day. He's such a smart good natured baby. He hardly cries and he smiles all the time. His smile is so bright and happy that I am always smiling around him too. When I put him down for his nap I find myself staring at him. I can't believe that something so perfect came from me. At night I put him in his crib or tuck him in next to me in my bed.

Dean was gone for two weeks on the first hunting trip that was supposed to be fast. He barely called and when he came back he scared me. He has never scared me before. I woke up and he was in the bed with me. It took me a moment to realize what was going on. I could smell the whiskey on his breathe and I could feel his drunk weight on top of me. He was in me and it hurt. I screamed and pushed him off. He gave me a disgusted look and rolled over and went to bed. He muttered something under his breath and I thought I heard "you didn't have a problem when the rest of the planet was fucking you." But I can't be sure. He is so distant that I hardly recognize him for the man I spent all those months with before. Then I had to remind myself that was over 3 years ago and things have changed.

He hardly touched me since that night and when he does I swear I've seen him grimace. It's how I always knew it would be though. Eventually he would be disgusted with me the same way I am with myself.

Since that first trip he has taken two smaller ones. I hear him, Sam, and Bobby fighting about it sometimes. I pretend I don't and put on a brave face and smile but something is wrong. I'm at Bobby's right now. Dean just came back early this morning from his most recent trip. Baby Cas is sleeping soundly in the bed next to me. He didn't come up when he came home. I heard the car park and I got excited thinking maybe he would come up and kiss me hello and things would be good again. Instead I heard him come in and head to the kitchen. Probably to get a beer and he stayed downstairs the rest of the night.

Gabby hates me I think. Every time she looks at me it is like daggers are shooting at me through her eyes. Not that I can blame her. It was partially my fault that she can't have children. I knew eventually she would get sick of me and push me away.

I hear a cupboard slam shut downstairs and I wince. Another fight it about to start. It always does when he comes home. I look down at my baby and he is sleeping soundly. I pull the covers up around him and kiss his forehead. I quietly walk to the door and open it a crack so I can hear them.

"Dean, what you're doing is wrong and you know it! That's why you hide it because you know it's wrong!" I hear Sam yelling at Dean.

I hear a glass smash against the wall and a thud. "What do you want me to say Sammy? That I'm sorry! That I can't do it anymore! That I don't love her! Is that what you want to hear?" Dean retorts at him. What is he talking about?

"How about that you want to try to make it work Dean!" Sam yells back at him.

I hear a chair go screeching across the floor. "You only say that because you feel guilty over what you did to her all those years ago. Well at least when you were with her Ruby was there to make her at least pretend to like it!"

It's followed by another thud and a crash and Sam starts yelling again. "You disgust me. You know that? What happened to you Dean? Three years ago you would have walked on fire to save her and now you're throwing it away?"

"There's nothing left to throw away!" Dean yells back.

"I want her and baby Cas to move in here with Jody and I while your get your head on straight boy!" Bobby yells at him

"I'll tell her that you were delayed and you can come back in a few days and talk with her once you've had time to think Dean." Jody says quietly.

"No Jody nothing is going to change! This isn't what I wanted and I can't do it anymore!" I've never heard him so angry before.

I don't know what they are talking about but I am sure has hell not going to stand up when it's obviously about me. I walk down the stairs quietly and when I enter the kitchen all eyes turn to me. I am scared and my voice is shaking like a leaf but I speak. "What can't you do anymore Dean?" I ask him.

Jody walks over to me and puts her arms on my shoulders and starts to pull me out of the room. "Nothing darling we were all just having a fight. Why don't you go back to bed?"

Dean lets out a groan and grabs my other side and pulls me away from Jody. "Lara I want a divorce." I stand there stunned. My mouth drops and I feel all the color drain from my face. "When I've been going on these hunting trips I've actually been going to see Lisa and I am going to move back in with her." I feel the strength in my legs start to fail and I start to crumble. Luckily Bobby grabs me and helps me to the chair.

"Don't act so surprised. You know this has been a long time coming. You don't even like me touching you." The anger is gone from his voice he just sounds frustrated. I understand his frustration I've been a horrible wife.

I can't move and I can't speak. I just stare ahead. I try to shake out of it and I look at him. "How can I like you touching me when I wake up and you're forcing yourself on me Dean?" I ask meanly.

He gives me a stern look and moves his hand. For a moment I think he's going to hit me but Bobby catches it. "Is that true Dean? Did you force yourself on her?"

Bobby throws his arm back at Dean and he gives Bobby a cold look. "I was drunk and back from a hunt I thought my wife would be happy to see me but I was wrong. When she pushed me off I stopped." Bobby turned around and walked to the counter and put his weight on his arms and shook his head.

"I want to take Cas with me too. I don't know if I can trust you with him since you don't even know where or when you are half the time." That comment hit me like a slap to the face and it brings me back to reality.

I stand up and walk up to him and slap him across the face. "You can leave that's fine but you will be taking Cas over my dead body. I am his mother." I growl back at him.

Dean laughs. "You wouldn't know you were his mother unless I told you every morning. Lisa would be a far better mother to him then you are." I stumble back. He's right.

Bobby starts to fight with Dean and I can't even hear what their saying. He's right is all I can think. Him saying" Lisa would be a far better mother to him then you are" keeps playing through my head over and over again. I start to whisper and no one hears me. I get louder and louder until everyone stops and looks at me. "What happened to you'd love me forever Dean?" I ask him.

He looks at me and frowns. "Forever is a lot harder than I thought it would be."

I try not to cry but I can feel them coming down my cheeks. "What happened for better or for worse Dean?"

He can't even look me in the eyes he just stares at his boots. "Like you even remember the day we said those days. But on the off chance that you do even you have to know there are so few better days Lara. You don't remember me, our life, hell our child most days. But every time you wake up you sure as hell can remember that other life you were supposed to have. And you look at me like I'm the one that took it from you. That it's my fault you can't have it. Well I can't do it. Lisa can give me the stability I need. She can give Cas the stability he needs. She doesn't need me to remind her to feed him in the morning because she won't forget that he's there. You can stay here with Bobby and Jody they will take care of you. I'm sorry I never meant for it to end this way."

"I've remembered him every day for two months Dean." I say almost pleading with him.

"What happens tomorrow when you don't remember him?"

I always knew it would come to this. I stumble up the stairs and leave the fighting behind me. I can hear Sam and Bobby trying to convince Dean that he should think about it for a few more days and Jody trying to tell him that Cas should stay with me but he keeps shooting them down.

The last 30 minutes of my life before I was possessed I thought I would get my happy ending. All I wanted was Dean. Just us, it didn't matter if we were hunters, or parents, or friends, or lovers. I just wanted him and me to be together. For 30 minutes I thought I had it. Then I wake up 3 years later and everything has changed. It's how it was always going to end. Me alone because of what those demons did to me. Even in the end it was a demon that hit my head so my memory is all messed up. Maybe if I wasn't hit I would have been able to be the woman he needed but without my mind to keep me somewhat grounded I'm just some horrible reminder to him of what could have been.

I open my bedroom door and see that Cas is starting to wake up. I pick him up in my arms and start to rock and kiss him. I pack his bag slowly because I can't stop crying. I put it over my shoulder and hold him tight and walk downstairs where they are all still fighting.

Cas smiles when he sees his daddy even though Dean's face scares me right now. He looks so angry and different from the man I knew before I woke up in this nightmare. I give Cas one more last hug and kiss his forehead. I can feel the tears pouring down my face and I hand him off to Dean. "You're right. Just please let me see him again."

"If I don't think it will hurt him I will. I'll send you pictures." He says it like it's some grand gesture that he's willing to even consider sending me pictures of my baby.

I look down and kiss Cas' head again. "I love you sweetheart. And I will love you forever." And I turn around and run back upstairs and fall into my bed sobbing.


	41. Chapter 41

Dean's POV

When she walked into the room I felt like my heart was being resuscitated she's alive. Her body was at least and there was a good chance she was still alive in there too. I looked up at Cas and waited for his nod to start it all. Once everyone is where Cas wants them to be he nods at me and I stand up and start firing my weapon at random still making sure that none of them get to close to her.

Then she makes eye contact with me. For a moment I almost jump. Those aren't her eyes they are all black. She smirks and lets out an uncharacteristically loud laugh. "Poor stupid Dean. I was going to let you live. I wanted to let you live. But now you need to die."

I follow the plan. Keep Crowley occupied on me so Cas can get in there and talk to her and she can overpower Crowley. I laugh back at Crowley. "I am going to enjoy exorcising you Crowley." I hear Lara's body laugh and I feel like my heart is going to break. It's not her but it is.

"Not has much as I am going to enjoy killing you with her hands. It's too bad really this didn't need to happen. And it's a new suit and it's a shame to have to get blood on it." She looks to the demons around her and nods for them to attack. At that moment Cas must have hit the sprinklers because the holy water floods the room and the demons start screaming.

I hear the colt firing behind me which means Sammy is doing what he is suppose to and firing at them. I hear Gabby grunting has she kills demon after demon with her blade and I see Eve and Cas touching demons foreheads trying to propel them out. Sam runs up to me and helps me get closer to Lara by killing the demons standing in front of her.

Crowley, using Lara's, body walks up to Sam and gives him a strange grin. "I can't believe that you and Gabriella are together. I mean I have heard the rumors but wow to see everything from Lara's memories." Sam gives her a strange look

Then Lara is just standing there. Her eyes have gone blank. They must be fighting. I can see her body start to shake. What is left of Lara seems to be losing. I run up to her and shake her. "Lara if you are in there fight him off. I love you."

Lara's POV

I don't know how long I have been in my room crying. It may have been minutes, hours, weeks, or years for all I know. Time doesn't have any meaning when there is nothing to live for. One of Cas' baby socks were still on the bed when I came up and all I could do was clutch it and cry until the pain subsided, but it never did. I heard Dean leave shortly after I brought down Cas and it's been quiet since then.

I feel something change in the room and for a moment I think maybe I left the window open. I don't even bother to roll over and try to check. I feel a hand on my back and I jump and see that's Castiel. "Cas you're dead!" I yell at him.

He doesn't smile he looks frightened. "Quickly Lara we don't have much time. You need to do what I taught you and win your body back!" Just like that he was gone.

Win my body back? Am I still possessed? Has these past two months been fake or real? I feel more confused than ever. I walk to the window and look out and I'm confused at what I see. It's black. Just black. Nothing is there.

I turn around and all the furniture from the room is gone. I run down the stairs and no one is here any longer. I try the front door and when I open it I am met with a black wall. I focus and I can see through my real eyes for the first time in months.

I'm in a warehouse. I look down and I'm in a suit and there are demons all around me. Ahead of me in the crowd is Dean. He looks scruffy and the look in his eyes scares me but I think it's actually him. I then hear myself speak. "Poor stupid Dean. I was going to let you live. I wanted to let you live. But now you need to die."

Crowley is in my body and he is going to kill Dean. I can't allow that. I run downstairs and look for the door to my body. I let out a bit of a laugh when I realize that the only door down here is the panic room. I'm not sure if it's fitting or a sign of what's to come.

I slam into the door with all my strength and try to push it back. Crowley notices me and I feel him surround the door. "Don't even try it Lara. I am stronger than you!"

I let out a grunt and keep slamming against the door. "I was meant to hold God you are nothing!" I yell back. He laughs and I feel it echo through my head. "Poor Lara. I didn't know you were so pathetic. I was going to give you a good life in your head to live out while I wore your body. I put the seeds down for a wonderful life for you and your precious Dean. But your mind perverted it. I knew you were sad and pathetic I just didn't realize how weak you really are."

I continue to push against the door. "You have no idea how strong I am Crowley!"

He laughs again. "You won't beat me. If you quit now I will build you a better life. You can end your days in your head with Dean and all your children. I won't allow you to ruin it with your self doubt and loathing. If you don't take this offer I will kill Dean with your hands and make you watch has he dies, and I will make you spend every day for the rest of eternity reliving that moment."

I try to focus. I put all my energy into gaining my body back. I slam into the door over and over and over again. I feel myself starting to lose. Then I hear him. "Lara if you are in there fight him off. I love you."

Dean's POV

She looks like she did that day I found her fighting Cas for her body only worse. The shaking gets so bad that her body collapses. I catch her and bring her down and place her on my lap. "CAS I NEED YOU!" I yell towards him.

He must be too busy fighting off the other demons to hear me because he doesn't come. I carry her into a demon trap and sit down while cradling her body in it. "Come on sweet heart you can fight him off. I'm right here waiting for you. You have to win."

The blood starts to trickle out of her nose and I try to brush it away with my arm but it keeps coming out faster. Then it starts to trickle out of her ears and the corners of mouth. "CAS I NEED YOU NOW!" I yell again. This time he comes up and stops shorts of the trap and sees her. "Get him out Cas!" I yell at him.

"He's too close to her right now. If I push him out there is a chance he could grab her and take her with him." He sits down next to me and puts his hands on her forehead. "If I get a clean shot I'll take him."

She continues to shake in my arms. She starts to groan. The groaning turns into screams of agony. She is using every last bit of her strength to push him out. Then it stops. I look at Cas. "Is she alright?" He doesn't say anything but puts his hands on her face and closes his eyes.

Lara opens her eyes and looks right at me. "I won." Is all she says then she passes out. I see Cas fill her with his grace and I can hear Crowley get yanked out. I look around and somehow we all survived.

Sam and Gabby are clutching each other in the middle of the room kissing like the ship is going down and Eve is running over to us and Lara is lying passed out in my arms. "Is she going to be alright Cas?"

He shrugs. "I hope so. We just have to wait for her to wake up." I pick her up and carry her out to the car and get into the back seat with her. Sam and Gabby come running up behind me and I hand him the keys. I look back at Cas and Eve. "Meet us at the hotel." I say to them has we drive off.

We drive in silence and Sam finds a hotel a few miles away and Gabby jumps out and get's us a room. I can't stop touching her. She's really here with me. It's been two months but I have her back. She comes back and I pick Lara back up and lay her down in the bed. "Sammy go get my bag please." I ask him. He runs out of the room and comes back with my duffel bag. I know she won't want to wake up in a strange room wearing strange clothes.

I slowly start to undress her. I hear Gabby start a bath in the bathroom and once I have the suit off I carry her in to the bathroom and lower her into the tub. I look up at Gabby and give her a weak smile. "Thanks." Is all I can get out. I slowly start to bath her. I want to get her blood off her. It upsets me too much to see it. I pull the hair tie out of her hair and let it fall into the water. She never wears her hair like that. Her hair always looks wild and loose.

She hasn't moved or talked since she looked up at me and said she won. I'm starting to get scared. But there is no way that god would so cruel to give her back to me to just take her away again like that. Once I'm done bathing her I dry her off and put her into one of my grey t shirts just the way I know she likes it. I clip her bracelet back on so she's not confused when she wakes up. I pat my pants pocket and I feel the ring. I'll have to gauge how she is when she wakes up.

I carry her back into the bedroom and put her down in the bed and pull the covers around her. Gabby and Sam are sitting on the bed next to us. Sam has his arm slung around her shoulders and she is resting on him. Eve and Cas are standing like statues at the end of the bed. Eve slowly walks over and puts her hand on Lara's forehead. "Is she ok?" I ask again.

Eve shakes her head. "Her mind is in shock dear. She's been through a lot. The last two months have been rough on her. Crowley thought he could keep her quiet if he made a fake life for her inside her mind. He had good intentions. He had her wake up with you in bed. You both even had a child. But Lara's mind couldn't accept it and she started to change things. It became a living nightmare for her. She will be fine just allow her mind to heal. She'll be back with you in no time." She gives me a bright smile.

Eve and Cas pull out two chairs from the table and sit down and them and wait like the rest of us. Sam pulls Gabby in tighter and asks. "What did Crowley mean about he couldn't believe we were together Gabriella?"

Damn, I was really hoping maybe he had forgotten about that because whatever it is, well it can't be good. I see Gabby tense up and kiss Sam's cheek. "It's nothing. Just demons trying to cause problems where there aren't any." I know Sam better than Sammy knows Sammy and he isn't going to let it stop with that.

He moves forward and looks at her. "It wasn't nothing what does it mean Gabriella." I see her take in a deep breath and look at Cas and Eve. "I can't do it Cas." She says meekly and she gets up and walks into the bathroom and shuts the door.

Sam looks at Cas with his big questioning eyes and waits for an explanation. Cas takes a deep breath and I notice that he grabs Eve hand. I am going to have to ask him about that another time. "Sam there is a bit of time when Lucifer was wearing you that you can't account for correct?" Sam thinks and slowly shakes his head. "Sam I wasn't going to tell you and I know Lara and Gabby didn't want you to know but you went back to see Lara and you meet Gabriella then too."

I can see the nervousness course through him has he stands up. Gabby finally comes out of the bathroom it's obvious she's been crying and walks up to Sam and wraps her arms around him. "It's ok Sam. It wasn't you." Sam looks at Cas, "what happened Cas." He stutters out.

Cas looks sad. "Lucifer knew that Lara had been pregnant once before and wanted to see if she could get her pregnant a second time. He came once with you. The idea being that his true vessel could get Lara with child since his other vessel had failed on numerous attempts. Luckily for Lara, and you, that night you came she was too messed up from a previous mission for him to try anything. But Lucifer figured he had all the time in the world to try with her. She was barely conscious and" he pauses for a moment and I know what he was thinking. Lucifer didn't want to risk getting his true vessel sick sleeping with her. "Lucifer had heard rumors about Gabby and when he got there he was surprised to see that the demons kept her. He had seen her there before but never thought much of her. It was you he was wearing when he punished her Sam. Lucifer told her that since she took your child that she would never have children. An eye and for an eye. Your body reacted so positively to her that he almost brought her with him to keep his vessel happy. It was actually quite lucky because if you didn't like her so much he would have probably tortured her to death." He stopped for a moment and I look at Sam who looks like he is going to be sick. Gabby helps him sit back down on the bed. "Lara barely remembers it. She tried to save Gabby by begging Lucifer to forgive her. She told him she would do anything he wanted if he didn't hurt her. For a long time she thought it was another nightmare. She was used to you in her nightmares that she thought nothing of it. And Gabby didn't want to upset Lara and she never mentioned the night again. But when Gabby mentioned it to her back at Bobby's it came back to her. She realized it wasn't a dream. The girls didn't want to hurt you. They knew if you knew about it you would blame yourself. But it wasn't you Sam. It was Lucifer. You weren't even conscious in there at the time."

I want to kill Lucifer all over again for doing this to my little brother and Lara. My little brother can't take much more. He is going to break soon if he keeps hearing all these horrible things about himself. He was such a sweet baby; I should know I raised him. He was smart and happy. All these horrible things his body has done all started with good intentions. Every day since he found out the truth about the supernatural I have seen a little part of him die. I think I just saw the last part. Gabby sits next to him and grabs his hand. "Sam, sweetheart, please don't get upset. It wasn't you it was Lucifer. And you heard him if it wasn't for you I would have been tortured to death." I can see the tears in her eyes.

Sam looks at her and frowns. "Gabriella you should have told me. I never would have touched you if I had known that I had done that. Then for me to so stupidly say…" He stops and I can him about to break down. He's not as good as me at controlling his emotions. "I am so sorry. I need some air. I'll be back." Gabby stumbled back and when he stands she grabs his hand.

"Don't you dare even think about leaving. I'm glad you touched me. I'm in love with you. Don't act like all of a sudden everything has changed. Nothing has changed. It wasn't you."

Sam stops and just stares at her for a few moments and I'm not sure what he's thinking. "I am going to get us our own room. I need us to be alone together for a little bit. I won't be gone long." Sam leans down and kisses her cheek and walks out the room.

Gabby looks at me terrified. "He is going to leave isn't he? He won't be able to forgive himself and he's going to leave."

My initial reaction is that yes he is going to leave because it's what I would do if I thought I was hurting someone I love. But I can't tell her that. I tell her the only thing I know is true. "He loves you Gabby."

It's been hours now. Lara hasn't woken up and Sam isn't back yet. Cas and Eve just sit there at the table holding each other's hands not moving. Honestly they are starting to creep me out. They just sit there unmoving holding hands like a statue from one of those art books Sam gave Lara. Gabby is a nervous wreck and pacing the floor in front of the TV. She's bitten her nails down to nubs and now she's starting to pull her fingers through her long dark hair like a lunatic. To my surprise the door opens and Sam comes back in.

He stops in front of Gabby grabs her face in his hands and kisses her passionately. "I'm sorry I was gone so long. I had to think. I want you to come next door with me." She doesn't say anything she just grabs his hand and walks next to door with him.

"Cas can you heal Gabby? If you can he may be able to forgive himself."I ask him.

Cas and Eve make eye contact and share a smile then he looks down at me, "I can but it won't be necessary. Don't worry about it Dean. You need to worry about Lara."

I look down at Lara who is still asleep. I hope her dreams are peaceful. I hope she can get over the nightmare she has been living for the past two months. I roll her on to her stomach and I look at her tattoo. I look up at Cas and Eve. "Can you fix it? I don't want anything else getting in."

Eve smiles at me and places her hand on Lara's back. "It's all fixed. Get some sleep Dean. It's been a rough two months for you. We'll watch over you two tonight." I can't fight it. She has done everything that Cas said she would. She helped me get back Lara. Some of her offspring maybe evil but I can tell that she isn't and my initial reaction was wrong. I hate admitting I'm wrong too.

I turn the lights off and pull the covers down next to her and push her to the side furthest from the door. I turn my back towards Cas and Eve and pull her into my side and take a deep breath. She's back with me. That's all that matters.


	42. Chapter 42

Sam's POV

The more I learn the more I wish I was never born. I just got a handle on what happened with Lara. With her being so forgiving I was able to forgive myself for the most part. But this, well this is too much. For all intensive purposes I gave my girlfriend a hysterectomy.

I've been walking around for an hour trying to get a handle on that. I told her I would be right back. I had every intention of coming right back. I went down to the front desk and got us a room key and has I was walking back I stopped and turned around. Now I am just trying to figure out what to do next. My gut reaction is to get out of here and let her live her life without me, but I'm selfish. I can't imagine my life without her. God damn Winchester curse!

Maybe it can still work. She knew that about me when she first met me and she still allowed all of what happened to happen. I just need to do something to try and make it right. I look over at the store front I'm passing and I think I have an idea.

*A few hours later*

I grab the handle to the motel door and I'm nervous. I said I wouldn't be gone long and it's been hours now. Is she even going to be happy to see me? I open the door and I find her eyes quickly. They are panicked but once they see me they seem to relax. That's all the sign I needed. I cross the room quickly grab her and kiss her. "I'm sorry I was gone so long. I had to think. I want you to come next door with me." Out of the corner of my eye I see that Dean is shocked I'm back and that Lara hasn't moved since I left.

To my surprise she grabs my hand and follows me out of the room. When I shut the door behind her she slaps me across the face. "That's for leaving." Then she kisses me. "That's for coming back." She gives me a cocky grin and waits for me to open the door.

I open the door for her and she steps in. I had covered the room with flowers and candles. The maids should enjoy cleaning this one up. She turns around and looks at me and her eyes are large with surprise. "Did you do this?" She asks me.

I turn red lower my head and shake it. I'm too embarrassed to make eye contact. Maybe it's too much. I did go a little over board. I broke into a flower store. I mean rose petals on the bed? Bouquets of lilies all over the room? How cliché could I get? Then as if on cue he walks out of the bathroom. "I don't have all night Sam. You called me down here let's get this over with." I wince at his harshness.

Gabriella's eyes turn dark and she grabs my arm roughly. I think she might hit me again. "Why is there a man hiding in the bathroom Sam? Is this some sick like threesome fantasy you have going on because if it is I'm going to kill you." I don't think she's kidding either. She looks truly pissed.

He starts to laugh. "Oh please Gabriella. I would never have a threesome with him. You on the other hand I would consider. But that's not why you're man has called me here. Tell her Sam. I need to be going. Dr. Balthazar doesn't often do house calls and I'm getting antsy."

He's always so pleasant when we meet. His British accent makes him sound so much more pissed off and cocky. I look at Gabriella who is still squeezing my arm. "This is Balthazar. He is friend of Cas', he's an angel. I asked him if he could heal you." I'm not sure what to expect from her. I don't know if she'll be mad or happy.

She breaks into a smile. "Is this your way of asking me to make a baby with you Samuel Winchester?" She says with a laugh.

"No, not right now, not that in the future I might not want to, I mean in the end it's really your choice, but I would love to have a baby sometime, but it's..." She silences me with a kiss. I have always been so good at talking; hell I was going to be a lawyer for god's sakes! But with her I feel like nothing ever comes out right. "I just feel horrible about what I," she gives me a dark look and squeezes my arm tighter, "what Lucifer did and this was the only way I could think to make it right."

"Well if we're going to do this you better stock up on condoms because I am not ready for kids and I'm not going back on the pill." She says with a wink and walks over to Balthazar. Her humor is so like Dean's sometimes it scares me. "So what do you need me to do angel doc?" She asks him. He shakes his head at her and points to the bed. He puts his hands on her shoulders and I see her facial expression change and that's it.

"Ok well that's done." He exclaims slapping his hands together. "Now that I'm done being your personal nurse I think I will go back to what I was…" Balthazar eyes seem to trail off from me to the door. He grabs Gabriella and then walks to me and grabs me.

The next thing I know I'm back at Bobby's. "Stay here and don't do anything stupid." Then he disappears.

Cas POV

It was hard always knowing the future. It made everything seem so inevitable and so futile. It wasn't until Lara was taken has a child that things seemed to change. It was little things at first. Like maybe a car came down a street a few minutes later than it was suppose to. Or maybe a house was built a few inches to the left or the right. Then it started to become bigger. People were dying when they were supposed to live, people were living when they were supposed to die. It's become refreshing to be able to say I don't know what the future holds. It was so stupid of us Angels to think that we could still run the apocalypse with half its key players gone. Maybe that's why I fell from heaven so easily. Without the future being set I couldn't be sure it was right anymore.

I can see the past easy enough. Everyone's mind is like an open book to me. Even the present isn't hard if I focus, like I am right now. I'm genuinely interested about Sam and Gabby. It's funny that they meet on this path, when the future was so clear before, they never were supposed to meet. Sam is with Ruby for over 20 years and they have son. They were actually happy. It's sick and wrong but they were. I would never tell him because it would hurt him further and somehow I've become fond of that human. But in the end when Lucifer is finally set free Ruby feels so bad for betraying Sam that she kills herself with her knife. There are just some things he doesn't need to know. He has a hard enough time dealing with what he does know. Gabriella her path was completely different has well. She was supposed to be dead by now. She still get's captured by demons but instead of trying to kill Lara's child she just get's put in the farm. She get's possessed about 85 times then her mind fails. She does better than most people which she would be proud off but it still ends the same way. They give her out to someone more permanently and when the body runs out they put her in an unmarked grave. It brings me great joy that those things never happened to her and that Sam feels remorse.

I know it shouldn't bring my joy that Sam feels remorse and quite frankly sometimes I want to smack the kid and tell him he needs to realize it wasn't him but in the other path he becomes a sociopath. So at least he's feeling something. He stops seeing Dean, Lara, and the children. He doesn't care who he hurts as long as he gets what he wants. His addiction to demon blood takes over everything about him. It hurts Dean that he loses his brother and he assumes it's to an actual drug addiction, but he has Lara and the children. It's actually Ruby that sends Dean and Lara an annual letter letting them know that Sam is alive and how their son is doing. She knows how close they all used to be and deep down she feels bad. She had worked so hard to conceal her true identity from Lara, it's amazing what a witch can do, that they had become friends. Lara is actually her maid of honor at the small wedding Ruby and Sam have. After about 10 years she stops sending photos of Sam because she knows they are too difficult to see and just sends photographs of their son Vincent. Sam stays tall but he becomes thin, just like someone who has done heroin for all of their meals. His face sinks in and his teeth turn a disgusting rust color from all the blood he has consumed over the years. Ruby does feel guilty about it and briefly in 2017 tries to detox him. When he goes into shock she caves and lets him drink her blood again. When Dean and Sam's vessels finally meet at the final battle it takes a while for Dean to even recognize Sam he looks so different.

There are only two people in this universe that the other path is better for, and they are laying down in front of me, Dean and Lara. They deserved that other path. After everything they've been through they deserve it even more, but I don't know if it can ever happen that way or not. It's not clear anymore. Sometimes I get a glimpse into the future. It's never long, it's just a snap shot and it hurts when they come. It's like a shooting star tearing through me. When I was trying to help stop the apocalypse I would get them. Snap shots of how the world ends if we fail and Lucifer wins. I never told them but they terrified me. The snap shots are dependent on the path we are currently on and can change. If I was a stronger angel I would be able to travel through the different paths that have started since Lara was taken but I'm not. There was one time I doubted helping the brothers and I had a shot of what it could be like if we win. It was enough to make me stay. When Lara was a gone I had a shot of Dean in 2 years. He was dead. He gave up and killed himself. He made it look like he died fighting but he allowed a few low level demons to kill him. I haven't seen a shot yet of what's to come but I know I will get one. It has to be a happy one. They are the only ones on this planet who have given up all their happiness for everyone else to live and they deserve to be happy.

I can see what Lara was dreaming about in her mind. It fills me with sorrow to think that is how she views herself. She felt she wasn't deserving of love and a happy ending so she polluted it with her self-doubt. I worry she won't be able to shake those feelings enough to have the life I want her to have. She's Jimmy's daughter and my vessel feels such fatherly feelings towards her. I myself feel the need to protect her. I watched her grow up, until she was taken. Even though that future changed I knew it so clearly. She accepted me so easily and brought me into their life. She was the only human that could see my true form and sometimes I would come to her in it and it was so relaxing not to be confined by this human body. My angel self not just my vessel grew to love her on that path has a daughter and I am starting to feel that here on this one.

My concentration is broken and I feel another presence in the room. Eve feels it to because she grips my hand tighter. I look around my other hand reaching for my angel blade. "Balthazar?" He smiles at me and walks to the sleeping couple.

"You guys need to leave now. Our brother's are coming for them. I'll take care of them." He said nodding towards Lara and Dean. "I already took Sam and Gabriella to Bobby's. Get that stupid car that Dean worries about so much or he'll be bitching about it for weeks to come." And they're gone.

I stand up bringing Eve with me and we run outside. Eve stops at the door. "Cas I said I would help you against the demons. I can't help you against the Angels. I made a promise to God not to interfere with heaven. I am sorry." I see a single tear drop down her face and then she is gone.


	43. Chapter 43

A/N I would like to thank my four faithful reviewers for reviewing every time I post. You guys are the best!

Dean's POV

I am sick and fucking tired of waking up and being somewhere different than I feel asleep. This is becoming a disturbing habit of mine. I look around quickly and realize I am just at Bobby's and I'm in bed and Lara is right next to me. She's still just in my t shirt so I assume I'm waking up after just falling asleep and it's not one of those dreams. What the hell we were in a motel when I went to bed. I shake her a little and she doesn't wake up. I guess she's still recovering. I kiss her cheek and I get up and run downstairs to see Gabby, Sam, Bobby, Jody, Cas, and Balthazar talking. "What the hell is he doing here? And how the hell did we get here?"

Cas gives me an exasperated sigh. "Balthazar was with Gabby and Sam when he found out that the angels were coming for you all. He saved your life Dean."

I look at Balthazar in shock. "Since when do you care what happens to me?" I ask him bluntly.

He chuckles. "I don't really care what happens to you. I've meet your future daughter's soul in heaven and she interests me. So it interests me that you and Lara stay alive long enough to give birth to her."

Did he say he my daughter's soul interests him? I stomp over to him and before I can punch him Sam grabs my fist. "What the fuck are you doing Dean? He just saved our lives!"

I look back at Sam. "He hit on my daughters soul Sammy!" I yell back. Why is he being so dense? Balthazar starts to chuckle again. "I did no such thing Dean. I said her soul interests me. That's all." With that he disappears.

Sam drops my fist and turns around laughing. "What the fuck are you laughing at Sammy?" I ask him. He looks at me with a shit eating grin on his face. "Dean you don't even have a daughter yet and you're already an over protective father. It's cute."

"Bite me bitch! And what the hell were you doing hanging out with Balthazar anyways?" Have I woken up in the twilight zone?

Sam looks over at Gabby and blushes. Did I just see that right? My brother is blushing. "I asked him to heal Gabriella." She walks over to him and kisses him. "And he did."

"Wait are you trying to tell me you guys are going to have a baby?" I shake my head and put my hand up. "Never mind" I can't deal with his girly moment right now. I direct my gaze at Cas. "What's going on Cas?"

"Heaven wants you all. Raphael wants to jumpstart the apocalypse again. Only this time with Lara being back he has all the players he needs. You guys could go into hiding again but…"

"Hiding again! That shit isn't happening. You saw how well that went the last time. She got taken from me for two months Cas. Come up with plan B!" How can he even suggest going into hiding again. Before Cas can respond I hear a scream coming from upstairs. Shit, she's awake, and she's alone.

I turn around and run up the stairs and find her sitting up in bed with a terrified expression on her face. "You took him from me! I changed my mind give him back Dean! Please don't be so cruel!" I sit down on the bed next to her and try to pull her into my arms but she pulls away. "Please just give me my baby back Dean." She says sadly.

What is she talking about? What baby? "Sweet heart I don't know what you're talking about. There is no baby." I try to hold her but she pushes me back.

"Give me back my baby please." There are tears in her eyes and I don't know how to stop them. "I changed my mind please. Just give me back Castiel. I swear I won't forget him ever again. Lisa won't be a better mother than me. She doesn't know him like I do."

"Sweet heart Castiel is downstairs. He's with Gabby, Sammy, and Bobby." She looks so confused. What happened in the world Crowley created for her? I try to hold her again. "Don't touch me Dean! Not after what you did!" What did I do?

Then she pushes away and looks at me. "Just don't touch me." She says meekly. "Not that Castiel Dean! He's dead I want my baby Cas back!" Then it's like a light switch flips on in her head and she gives me a questioning look. "So you're not divorcing me and going back with Lisa?" She looks down at her wrist. "And how did you get my bracelet back? You said it went missing." This must be what Eve was talking about before. I am going to kill Crowley if he shows ugly face again.

I put my hands on her face and push the hair out of her eyes. "That wasn't real Lara. I would never leave you for Lisa. And you gave me your bracelet before you were taken. I've kept it in my pocket since you gave it to me. Crowley made you believe you were living another life in your head. It wasn't real. This is real right now." I see her start to slip back out of consciousness. Maybe this is too much for her to take right now. Then to my surprise she opens her eyes again.

"I remember now. Crowley said he made it up but I ruined it. I pushed him out of my body Dean." She said it so calmly and quietly that I wasn't sure if she was in a trance or not. I look down at her face and she's slightly smiling. "If I can push the king of hell out I can push any demon out. They can't get me again." She lets out a laugh and breaks into an even bigger smile.

She straddles me and pushes me down on the pillows and starts to kiss me. This isn't the timid Lara I kissed back at the cabin. This is a confident Lara I haven't met yet, and I like it. "I've missed you so much Dean." She says between kisses. She slides her hands under my shirt and starts to take it off. This is definitely not the timid Lara I last saw. "You have no idea how much I've missed you. This you."

She gets my shirt off and stops and pulls back sitting up over me. Her dark hair free cascading in front of her surrounding me. She looks beautiful on top of me like that. "How long have I been gone?" She asks me.

"Two months, two of the longest months of my life." She gets a puzzled look on her face. "That's how long that life was in my head. Every minute of that time is accounted for."

I raise my hand and touch her cheek. She turns into it and smiles. I can't stop touching her. "What did he do to do you?"

Her smile fades and a frown takes over her face. I wish I didn't ask. She moves off of me and lays down next to me laying her head on my chest and putting her naked leg over me. "He technically didn't do anything. He wanted me to be happy. A happy vessel means he doesn't have to fight me. When I got there at first it wasn't so bad. I woke up with you in bed and we had a baby. But everything was wrong. I made it all go so horribly wrong. Crowley said I perverted it because I couldn't handle the idea that I could be happy. It was horrible Dean. You were so miserable with me and then you left. I just don't want to think about it ever again. It wasn't real and I don't want to give it credence by talking about it."

I pull her closer to me and kiss her forehead. "Then let's never think of it again. I love you Lara and I could never be miserable with you." I am definitely going to kill him when I see him again. He gave her a seed of doubt that I could ever stop loving her.

There is one thing I have to discuss with her though. "Lara what made you give yourself over to him? Then when you did you told me to leave and not look back and to move on. How could you think I would just let you be taken and I'd move on?"

"I couldn't let you die for me Dean. I love you too much for that. Just knowing you love me gave me the strength to let you guys go. I looked down and I saw Sam and Gabby lying there on the ground holding hands and I knew they couldn't die for me. Then I looked over and I saw you. You were going to fight to the death and I couldn't live in a world where you were dead. He would have killed you and worn me around anyways. I thought you could have moved on and had a normal life. I didn't want you to feel like you had to give up your life because you told me you loved me 30 minutes before I was taken. I'm not worth you all being dead." How can she still think that I could leave her and move on?

I sit up in bed and I look down at her. I roll myself over her and hold myself up so I don't crush her. "Look at me and listen to every word I say Lara. With you there is no moving on. I am not going to be able to walk away and start a new life. If you die I am not going to move on. Those two months without you…" How do I explain how much pain I was in? "Those two months were like those black holes you and Sam would talk about. Just because I said I love you only said 30 minutes before you were taken doesn't mean I wasn't feeling it months before. I knew I was in love with you since we were in Santa Fe. I love you Lara. And when I say I will love you forever that's exactly what I mean, forever."

Lara's lower lip starts to quiver and I can see tears pooling up in her eyes. I lean down and kiss her tears away. "Don't cry Lara. I don't want to make you cry."

Lara smiles at me through her tears. "They're good tears Dean, very happy tears. After what we were like in that dream." She winds her hands around my neck and brings my face down to hers and she kisses me. "I'll never doubt it ever again Dean." She murmurs into my ear. Her breath is so hot on my skin and I need her.

I think back to the day she was taken. I promised myself I wouldn't let us waste anymore time. I roll back to my heals and stand up next to the bed and pull her up still she's standing up in front of me. This is right. I reach into my jeans pocket to pull out what I have been carrying with me everywhere waiting until I found her. I have decided I'm not going to let some idea that the Winchester's are cursed run my life. I love her and this is what I want, no this is what I need.

I get down on one knee in front of her and grab her small hands. "Lara… I love you" Wow this is harder than I thought it would be. "Lara I've really missed you and I've had a lot of time to think."Why do I sound like an idiot. "I love you." Ok I've said that already. "Lara will you marry me?" I put the ring out in front of her and wait for her answer.

I look into her eyes and she's beaming. "Yes." She whispers. Then she looks at me and smiles. "Yes!" She screams out in excitement and I slip the ring on her finger.

She falls to her knees in front of me and I grab her and kiss her. She keeps murmuring yes into my lips as I kiss her. I pull back and she is beaming in front of me. She nuzzles her head into the crock of my neck and I can feel her crying. "Why are you crying sweetheart?"

"I'm just really happy Dean. I never thought I could be this happy. I spent my entire life in a nightmare and all of a sudden I've woken up in a fantasy." I rub her back and let her hold onto me until she's ready. "Is everyone else here?" She asks me.

I nod. "They are downstairs. Want to change and go see them?" She smiles and gets ups and puts on a pair of jeans and we head downstairs. I don't know where they got it because I sure as hell know that it's not Bobby's but Jody is pouring glasses of champagne for everyone.

When we hit the bottom of the stairs everyone rushes over to Lara and hugs her and tells her how glad they are to be back. Lara can't stop smiling. After a few minutes Jody looks down at Lara's hand and gasps. She grabs it and brings it up. "Did he ask you to marry him?" She yells out so everyone in the room can hear.

They all stop what they are doing and Bobby and Sam actually drop their glasses. Lara blushes and shakes her head. "He did. We're going to get married." She says shyly. Gabby lets out a shriek and grabs her hand and looks at the ring, even though she has already seen it.

Bobby and Sam give each other confused. They make eye contact with me and Sam asks confused, "You proposed?" I shake my head yes and I know I'm smiling like an idiot. "You, Dean Winchester, acclaimed ladies man and self proclaimed bachelor proposed? You with a wife. Like committed to one woman for the rest of your life. Like till death do us part and all that shit." I continue to shake my head yes. I just can't stop smiling. I'm like some kind of toothpaste ad. I look over at Lara surrounded by Jody and Gabby and know I did the right thing. "Holy shit!" Sam exclaims.

Bobby walks over to me and grabs my arm tightly. I look down at his hand in shock. "Since I am the only man in her family here to stand in for her let me give you a warning. If you hurt her, whether it's an accident or not, I will hurt you. Otherwise I'm proud of you son. You finally did something that isn't stupid!" He let's go of my arm and gives me a tight hug. "Your father would be proud."

Jody hands me a glass of champagne and gives one to Lara. "I think we have another reason to toast. Not only are you back but you're getting married." We all toast to that and drink.

I don't know how the night became such a wild party but it did. Bobby has quite an extensive liqueur cabinet and we were all just so happy. A few hours later we were blaring music and just hanging out drinking. I keep a constant arm around Lara. I just don't want her out of arms length.

At some point during the evening Eve showed back up. Cas has told me that she wouldn't come earlier because she couldn't interfere with heaven but since it's only Cas she came back. It's strange watching them interact. They don't touch but they do. They never do more than hold hands but the way they look at each other is very intense.

I look down at Lara's and my glasses are empty. I pick them up. "Do you want more?" I ask her. She looks at me and shakes her head and goes back to talking with Gabby and Jody. I walk into the kitchen and Cas is standing there alone. I put the glasses down and lean against the counter and face him. "So what's up with you and Eve?"

He looks at me and turns red and lowers his head. "Is it that obvious?" He says. I laugh and hit his back. "Is the sky blue?"

"We were together once in heaven. It was millennia's ago. Seeing her again it's just bringing back old memories and feelings." Wow Cas had a girl friend once. That's something I never thought of. "We ended it when she left for purgatory. I haven't seen her since then."

I pour us both a shot of whiskey and hand it to him. We down them and slam them on the table. "So what's stopping you now?" I ask him.

Cas looks at me wide eyed. "That would never work Dean. I'm an angel and I'm not even sure what to classify her now. She's something of her own. She will have to go back to purgatory at some point and it's just how it is."

"Well keep your options open Cas because I think she missed you too." I leave him with that to think about. I sit back down next to Lara and hand her the drink and she leans into me. I still can't believe she's with me again.

Awhile later we all start to drift towards our rooms. Jody and Bobby head in first and it's obvious that Sam and Gabby want the living room to themselves since they have thrown sleeping bags out on the floor and can't stop touching each other. I almost feel bad for what Bobby and Jody are probably going to hear tonight. I grab Lara's hand and we head back upstairs.

We change quickly and climb into bed. I pull her close to me and just breathe her in for a moment. She was gone too long. She relaxes into me and sighs. "Dean?" She asks me. I squeeze her and she continues. "Is it ok if we wait a bit on the other stuff? I need time to separate some things from the life Crowley put me in before I think I can."

I grab her face and point it towards me and kiss her. "Sweet heart I'll wait forever if that's what you need. Don't even think about it. Take all the time you need and tell me when you're ready."

She smiles and kisses my chest. "Thank you." She leans over and turns off the light. I fall asleep fast and for the first time in two months my dreams aren't horrible.


	44. Chapter 44

Lara's POV

I can't believe I am in engaged. Dean is up in the shower and all I can do is look at my ring finger. It's the perfect ring. He said it was his mother's and it makes me love it even more. It feels like it was always meant to go on my finger. I made a few pies this morning for him to celebrate. If there is one thing that my guy likes it is pies. I just couldn't sleep I was too excited. Bobby meet me in the kitchen this morning and gave me my parents wedding bands. They are simple white gold bands. I hid them in my drawer until later I think it will be nice to surprise Dean with my father's, well adoptive father's, band at the wedding.

There's a knock at my door and yell for them to come in. Gabby enters with a mug of coffee pulled to her mouth. "You ready to go shopping? Jody is downstairs." I shake my head and throw on my shoes. Last night Gabby and Jody decided we should go have a girl's day. Gabby said she needed more clothes that weren't from Walmart and they both said they wanted to get me some lingerie to knock Dean's socks off. And apparently I need summer clothes. I guess I never realized that people have clothes for different seasons.

I run to the bathroom and open the door and pull back the shower curtain enough to see his face. Dean jumps and relaxes when he sees it's me. "Wanna join me?" He asks with an eyebrow wiggle. I blush and chuckle. "I'm headed out Gabby and Jody want to go shopping. I love you." He leans out of the shower and I kiss his soapy face. I run downstairs and we head out.

Gabby and Jody are crazy in the mall. I just got my first fake credit card and they are making sure I use it. Gabby has I swear 15 bags of clothes. We had to go to the car twice to drop them off. I look at her and laugh the second time we go to the car. "What?" She asks me, "I like clothes and shoes and purses and all I had was Wal-Mart stuff. And even then Dean was ridiculous and would only get me get what he deemed the bare essentials. Not like you haven't gotten anything." She was right. She and Jody have been flinging things at me left and right.

Jody comes up behind me and puts an arm over my shoulder. "Well some of it is technically for Dean." I start to blush and we all giggle at that idea. I look at Gabby and point at the bags. "You can't tell me half that shit isn't for Sam either."

Gabby laughs loudly. "I never pretended it wasn't. He told me last night that he wants us to take a trip together. Just us so we can get to know each other better. That's code for we're going to find a hotel room and not leave it for a week. I just want to make sure I have something new for everyday."

It's my turn to laugh loudly. "Gabriella you have something new for every hour!" She laughs and we head back into the mall. This is fun. I never had this, just me and my girl friends shopping together. "Where are you guys going?" I ask Gabby when we stop to buy some pretzels.

She shrugs her shoulders. "Not sure yet. We thought maybe the beach not that I plan on spending too much time on the beach." I laugh again. "What about you and Dean? You guys going to maybe take a trip somewhere together?"

"We haven't talked about it. Quite frankly after everything I just want to relax at Bobby's a few days and block everything out." Jody comes up beside me and puts her arm around me. "Do you need to talk about it honey?" She asks me nicely.

"I don't know what to say. I don't remember Crowley wearing me actually. He made up a fake life to lull me into submission. It started fine but I quickly ruined it." I look at Gabby. "You hated me and Dean was cheating on me and it was just miserable."

Gabby gives me a tight hug. "I could never hate you! And I've seen the way that boy looks at you. He is ridiculously in love with you and he is never going to cheat. And if he does between Bobby, Sam, Jody, and me he'll be dead." I lean into her. "I don't want to think about it. It was too sad and it makes me upset." They both drop it and we spend the rest of the day going store to store.

We get back to Bobby's and enlist the boys to helps us carry our stuff in. "Did you guys leave anything in the mall for anyone else?" Dean asks me jokingly. I slam my hip into him and he smiles and grabs me in for a kiss. Sam helps Gabby take her things up to the spare room and Dean helps me with mine.

He points to the pink striped bags and smiles. "Are those for me?" He asks with a wink. I laugh and continue to put things in the drawers and the closest. "Don't push your luck Winchester." I say jokingly back. He runs downstairs to get the last of my bags and his phone starts to ring.

"Can you answer that." He yells from downstairs. I dive on the bed and pick it up off the night stand. "Hello, Dean's phone."

It's silent on the other line for a moment. "Who is this?" a pissed off female voice from the speaker asks. "Lara."

I hear a groan, "So he's kept you around longer than I thought he would. Enjoy while you can before the next bimbo of the month arrives." This must be Lisa.

"I don't think I am going to have to worry about another bimbo Lisa." I say coldly into the receiver. "Why is that?" She asks.

"Cause we're engaged." I pull the phone back I don't want or need to hear her response. "Dean it's Lisa on the phone." I yell down the stairs.

He comes running up and gives me a confused look as he takes the phone from me. "What do you need Lisa?" I hear his short and snappy responses and then he lets out a frustrated moan. "Ok we'll be there has soon as we can. Just keep them in a room in a circle of salt until we get there." And he throws his phone on the bed angrily.

"What's wrong?" I ask him. He looks worried and pissed at the same time. "Three guys I knew back when I lived there for a year are having some problems. They are all seeing things and came to Lisa about it. They thought they were going crazy and knew that Ben had similar problems and thought she could recommend a therapist to them. It seems like demons and hell hounds are after them. I said we would come and investigate. I am going to tell Sammy and Gabby to pack up. You should too."

Great we are going to have to see Lisa. This shouldn't end badly or anything. I think while I roll my eyes. I quickly pack a bag for me and Dean and drag them downstairs. Gabby doesn't seem happy about us having a case since she was planning on her and Sam spending some alone time together. I grab the pies I baked thinking that Ben might like them as well. He's such a sweet kid. I feel bad for him though. He looked so anxious the last time I saw him.

We all clamor into the car. Only the seating arrangements have changed since the last time. Dean and I take the front and Gabby and Sam take the back. "We were supposed to go to the beach Sam. Why do we have to go take care of Lisa?" She sounds pissed.

Sam meets Dean's eyes in the rear view mirror and I know they came up with a plan for this. Sam looks back at Gabby. "We are all going to go afterwards. We'll get our own room in a different hotel if that's what you want. Once this is done we will have a whole week together. No case, no demons, no ghosts, no supernatural shit I swear." That seems to calm her down.

Dean grabs my hand and I move over and lay my head on his shoulder. "Can we get a hotel with pool? I want to practice swimming more." Dean laughs and kisses me head. "I promise this one will come without a Sasquatch too." He's still worrying about it.

It's not that Dean is a bad driver because he isn't. He's just not a careful driver. I wouldn't put him at reckless just not careful. He drives a little fast, takes a turn a little too quick, and weaves in and out of traffic like a racecar driver. So needless to say we get there by morning. Sam and Dean switched twice throughout the night so that Dean could sleep but then Sam got sleepy and they switched back. I don't really want to see Lisa again. The last time I saw her she slept with Dean. It's not that I don't trust him it's I don't trust her.

We pull up the house in the morning and Ben must have been waiting by the door because the moment we pull up he runs out of the house and grabs Dean in a fierce hug. If I didn't know that they weren't blood related I would really think that they were father and son. The love between them is so obvious. I can see the hero worship in Ben's eyes when he looks at Dean and I can see how much Dean worries and cares for Ben in his eyes. It makes me feel guilty. If I hadn't shown up on the scene maybe Dean and Lisa would have gotten back together and Ben would have his father back.

Ben see's me getting out of the car and gives me a hug as well. He's tall. He's only an inch shorter than me. After being in the land of the giants, that's Sam, Gabby, and Dean, It's kind of nice to be with someone I can look in the eyes. "I brought some pies with me Ben if you want them. They are in box in the trunk. I wouldn't let Dean eat them all until you got some first." He gives me a big grin, "Sweet!" He exclaims.

I look up at the porch and Lisa is standing there shooting daggers at me with her eyes. Gabby comes up next to me and puts her arm around my shoulder and shoots them right back at Lisa. She leans down and whisper. "No one is fucking with my girl and getting away with it." I giggle and elbow her in the stomach. "Don't instigate anything Gabby."

"If she plays nice I won't have to instigate anything." Oh yea this is going to end real well. We all walk up to the porch and Lisa ushers us in. Sam is always so cordial and friendly. "Hey Lisa how are you? I hear you have some friends with a few problems."

Lisa looks at me than at Dean. "Yes some of our friends" emphasis on the word our "are having some problems. It started a few weeks ago and is getting progressively worse each day. I have them downstairs in a circle of salt. I wouldn't let Ben get near them since I don't know what's happening."

Dean looks at ease in this house and plops down on the couch. "So Earl, Charlie, and Don just came to you one day and said hey Lisa I'm seeing demons and hell hounds want to help?"

Lisa gives him a pissed off look. "No that isn't what happened Dean. I was close with their wives, you know that, that's how you meet them and starting having poker nights once a week. I was talking to their wives about the horrible nightmares Ben was having and how I was taking him out of school and things like that. When their husbands starting having weird things happen their wives came to me and wanted to know if I found a good therapist for Ben. By that point we both remembered everything and I told them the truth about who you were and what you do. Their wives were hesitant to believe me but the men were so scared that they didn't even question it. They claim to have been hearing howling sounds all night. But this really isn't my area of expertise you should go talk to them."

Dean shakes his head and looks at Sam, Gabby and I. I don't want to say it but it's obvious. "Dean it sounds like they've made a deal. Hell hounds only come for very specific purposes to normal people. To collect their souls." He looks at me pensively. "I am going to go talk to them first. You guys wait here."

He stands up and walks to the basement door with such ease that it hits me again that he used to live here. He walks down the stairs and I hear him interact with his poker friends. "Earl, Charlie, Don long time no see!" Then Lisa shuts the door and I can't hear anymore.

Ben comes back in with the box of pies and puts them on the table and takes out the peach, apple, and cherry pie I made the day before. Lisa gives me a dirty look but get's out a plate for Ben. Sam is checking the house for demonic signs since Lisa said the men claimed to hear things last night. Gabby stays right next to me. "Do you guys want some coffee?" Lisa asks.

We both shake our heads yes and she pours us a cup. When she hands them to us I extend my left hand to get it without thinking about it. She looks at my ring and drops the mug and grabs my hand. "I see he didn't go all out now did he." She said with a cocky grin at the small stature of the diamond.

I pull my hand back and look at it. I think it's perfect. "It was his mother's." Is all I say. Her face falls and she starts to pick up the broken pieces of the mug. Anyone who knows Dean Winchester knows the godlike status he has given his mother and how important anything he has of hers is. Gabby keeps a watchful eye on Lisa as if she is going to strike me at any moment.

Ben is sitting their enjoying the pie I made. "Are you and dad, I mean Dean, getting married Lara?" He asks me with a hint of sadness I his voice.

I sit down at the table next to him and grab his hand. "Dean asked me to marry him but that doesn't change how he feels about you. You both can still see each other whenever you want." He seems to accept that answer and goes back to eating. Lisa has her back to me so I can't tell her response.

Dean opens the door the basement and the three men come up behind him. It only takes me a minute to recognize them. I slam back my seat and try to get up before they notice me. I let my hair fall down and cover my face. Dean walks over to me and puts an arm around me. "Hey honey do you think you could help me with something. You know a lot about deals. They claim they never made one but it sounds like all the signs that they did.

I feel myself start to shake and all eyes are on me. I look up at each of them. They have changed a bit since I last same them. They are older and a little heavier. I can tell they are still close friends. "They made a deal Dean."

The men look at each other and back at us and all respond. "We didn't. We never made a deal with a demon for anything. We aren't poor but weren't not rich. We're not famous. We're just normal guys."

Dean looks down at me confused. "How do you know they made a deal Lara?"

I pull my hair back and I see that Don somewhat recognizes me. "Do I know you?" He asks. Then Charlie and Earl start to study my face. "She does look familiar." They both say.

I bury my face into Dean's chest and take a deep breath and pull back. "I know they made a deal Dean because they made it to have sex with me and two for a night 10 years ago."


	45. Chapter 45

Dean's POV

"What?" I ask loudly.

Lara looks up at me and I can see her big blue eyes flooding with tears and shame. "10 years ago in Las Vegas they were having Charlie's bachelor party. They did what all men do and made a stupid comment and they sold their soul for one night of fun and debauchery."

Charlie looks at Lara with anger and spats out. "You were that whore! I remember you now! You and your slutty friend came up into our room and we partied." Did he just call Lara a whore? Did he just call my Lara a whore? I move to strike him but Lara grabs me.

"I wasn't a whore Don. And two wasn't a slut. I was 14 and she was 17 I think." She says it quietly but there is force behind it. Earl speaks up next. "No you were. We meet you girls at the bar and you said you would give us the wildest night of our lives. You girls were crazy. You did shit I didn't think was legal. But the next morning you guys weren't there and we never paid you." They touched my Lara and she was only 14 at the time. They had to of been in their late 20's at the time. Sick fucking rapists.

I feel my blood pressure start to rise and I want kill them. They touched my Lara. "We were possessed and you guys did pay for the night, with your souls."

"Like hell I am going to believe a whore like you!" Earl always was an idiot never liked him much. That's it I can't take anymore. Before Lara can stop me I punch Earl in the face and when he goes down and follow him with my fist to hit him again but Don and Charlie pull me back. "Don't you ever talk to her like that you piece of shit!" I spit at him. Don and Charlie can barely hold me back but Lara comes over and grabs my hand and pulls me back to her bringing me back down to reality.

"You all stay here." I say directing at everyone else. I look down at Lara and I can tell she's upset. "Come with for a moment." I say pulling her with me.

As I lead Lara into the living room I hear Lisa say to Sam. "Dean is engaged to a prostitute?" I know Sammy and Gabby will take care of that one for me.

I pull Lara down next to me on the couch and I can tell she is about to break but she's trying hard to keep it together. "What happened Lara?"

Her lip starts to quiver but she pulls herself together. I put my arm around her and pull her into my chest. "10 years ago I was taken out on mission with a new girl, two. I think her name was Julie Fink. She was a pastor's daughter. He was known for exorcisms and the demons were getting him back by taking his youngest daughter. We were in a strip club and those men said they would give up anything to get us back to their hotel for an after party. The demon in me said even your soul. They laughed and said yes. They were so stupid. So my demon and hers made them kiss on it and we went back with them. The things they made us do…" She stops and I can tell she is reliving it. "It wasn't right. She got pregnant and the demons forced her to have an abortion. She killed herself 2 months after that incident and 3 days after the abortion. She was a good Christian girl. Your friend Earl took her virginity in every sense of the word and he wasn't romantic about it."

My poor Lara. She should never have had to live through this. She was only a teenager at the time. I kiss her forehead. "I love you Lara." I whisper to her. I love her so much sometimes I'm afraid it will consume me. I feel her finally break down and start to cry. "Why don't you go upstairs. There is a spare bedroom the second door on your left. I'll send Gabby up and I'll talk with them. We'll figure this out."

Lara grabs on to me tighter. "Dean I don't want to go up there alone. Can't I stay with you please?" As if I could deny her anything. "Of course, I just thought you might want to get away from them."

She shakes her head adamantly. "Away from them is away from you and I can't do that right now." I stand up and grab her hand and bring her back into the kitchen. I make eye contact with Sam and nod at Ben and he picks up quickly.

Sam grabs Ben. "Why don't you take Gabby and I upstairs and show us your room Ben?" Ben reluctantly goes and Sam and Gabby follow behind him. Gabby gives one last tough look to Lisa and I know that is warning not to mess with Lara.

Don looks scared. I always liked Don. Earl I always thought was an ass and Charlie I was kind of neutral towards. They had been best friends since elementary school and were thick as thieves. Don looks at Lara and quickly looks away embarrassed and looks back at me. "So you guys are the expert what happened?" I can't believe that these were men that I used to hang out with. We had a poker night once a week. We would drink beer, eat crappy food, and play poker. I won most of the time so to keep it interesting I pretended to just be average and I would fold with good hands.

I look down and Lara and squeeze her hand. I don't want her to have to repeat it again. "Do you remember that night you picked Lara and the other girl up at your bachelor party?"

Don shakes his head yes. "Think back to everything that was said." I see the wheels turned. Charlie looks at Earl and hits him. "You said that you would give anything to take those two girls back to our room for an after party. Remember?"

Earl shakes his head slowly. "Then that one," he points to Lara, "says anything sweet heart? Even your soul? She said it very seductively and almost like a joke. So of course we laugh and say yes. Then they both kissed us and we left."

Don looks at me wide eyed. "So we actually sold our souls that night. It wasn't a joke." I feel bad for him in away. They unknowingly sold their souls for one night with two girls. But then I remember that it was Lara and I lose any feeling of pity. "You did. I'm sorry but you did."

Earl looks at Lara. If he keeps staring I'm going to rip his eyes out. "Where is your friend? The blonde one?"

Lara gets tense and grabs my hand. "She killed herself because of consequences from that night." Earl's eyes seem to bulge out of his face. "What consequences?"

Lara looks at me and I can tell she's about to break again just thinking about the other girl. "She was a virgin. It was her first mission out with a demon. You remember better than anyone what you did with her that night. Well she got pregnant and the demons gave her an at home abortion. She was so upset about that and what you did that she took a fork and punctured her arteries until she bleed out in her cell. I could hear her moaning, it took an hour for her to die. She had a complete psychotic break. For two months after that night she would mumble to herself in her cell and wake up screaming. She would sing lullaby's to her baby when she was still pregnant. She liked to sing. When she killed herself she sang lullaby's until she died. Since she killed herself she gets to spend every day of eternity in hell being tortured. You may be seeing her very soon."

Charlie looks sick to him stomach and he looks at Lara's feet. He doesn't have the stomach to make eye contact with her. "Did you get pregnant too?" He asks her. He must have been the one to sleep with her.

"No. I was lucky I only got pregnant on a mission once." Lara replies sadly.

Lisa moves from the counter and looks Lara up and down. "Where is the kid now? Did you even know the father?" She said it so meanly that I want to shove her into the fridge and yell at her but Lara must sense I'm getting angry and grabs my hand tighter.

"A demon came into the house and stabbed me in the stomach with a knife when I was 8 months pregnant so my child is dead. And yes I knew the father. He's currently upstairs with your son."

Lisa looks at me with wide eyes. "You're engaged to a girl who has slept with random men including your brother?" She looks disgusted.

That's it I can't take it anymore. I walk up to her and she backs up until she hits the counter top. I work very hard not to touch her but I stare her down. "You have no idea what you are talking about Lisa so back off right now!" She shrinks beneath me and I know she won't say anything else for a bit.

Earl coughs and we focus back on them. "Well is there any way out of the deal? I mean it wasn't like we knew what we were doing. We were drunk."

Lara laughs and walks up to him. She maybe 7 inches shorter than him but her attitude right then is making him feel small. I can tell by the way he's slumping. "This wasn't some contract you wrote up with a friend one night when you were drunk. These are demons we are talking about. They aren't exactly honest and forgiving. They prey on the drunk, the stupid, and the weak. There is no way out of it unless the demon who holds the contract breaks it or dies. There is no way in hell that they will ever break it, them finding an untimely demise now that is possible." She turns her gaze to Don. "But you, well you might be able to get out of it. You never slept with us. You were the only one to keep your hands to yourself. We'd have to look at the contract and see if it was in the end for sex or just to get us up to room."

"Can we get the contract or the demons who made it?" I ask Lara. She smiles and shakes her head. "I might know a way to get the contract. The demons who made it don't matter. They didn't hold the contract they were just foot soldiers. It's going to be Crowley unless he gave his contracts over to whoever took over his position in hell." No way am I willingly bringing Crowley closer to Lara. We just got her back.

All three men look at me pleadingly. Charlie asks. "What do we do?"

I hate to say it, "Go home say bye to your families and make sure your affairs are in order. That's really all you can do. We will try to figure something out but I can't promise anything. Unlike our other cases you guys signed an unbreakable contract. We don't have many options. Trust me I know. I made a deal once a few years ago and there was nothing I could to do to break it."

Don gets a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "Well you obviously did something. I mean you're standing here aren't you."

I give him a sad smile and shake my head no. "They came for me and killed me. I spent 4 months which translates to 40 years hell time down there. The only reason I am back is because an angel went down there and ripped me out." I take off my jacket and lift up my shirt to show him the handprint Cas left on me. "I was the only soul to ever be taken out of hell and the only reason they took me out is because they needed me to jump start the apocalypse."

All the hope from Don's eyes slip away. "The apocalypse?" He asks me confused.

I look at Lisa. She knew about it. I came here to recover after we stopped it. "There are things that are you best you don't know about the world you're living in. Once you do it changes everything." If he survives it I will tell him everything but for right now we don't have the time. "You guys go see your families. Do you know what date you guys signed the deal?"

Charlie shakes his head. "It will be 10 years to the day tomorrow. That gives us some time." Not a lot I think. I look at my watch. We have 14 hours till midnight and they will come at midnight.

After they leave Lara takes me aside and gives me a hug and a kiss. "Dean do you want to hurt them?" Or course I do! I want to rip their arms out and beat them with it for touching and hurting her. I shake my head yes. She gives me another kiss. "Please don't. Where they are going is going to be punishment enough." I start to calm down. She's right. Where they are going is going to be punishment enough.


	46. Chapter 46

Lara's POV

I had always hoped I would never meet any of the people whose souls I helped steal. But like everything else it just seems fated to happen someday. I remember that mission so well only because of Julie. The day the demons came for us they told our keepers to get us ready. That meant taking us upstairs to the mall. They held us down has they waxed us, I know now it's called a Brazilian wax, I didn't even flinch but Julie,

+ she screamed and cried. She didn't want them touching her and when they pulled the strips she couldn't handle the pain. I held her hand trying to give her some comfort but she was inconsolable. The first mission is always the worst. She kept thinking if she prayed hard enough something would come and save her. I didn't have the heart to explain to her that our prayers aren't heard here in hell.

Lisa keeps giving me looks. I need to talk to get and get everything out in the open. I finish writing out what we need to summon the contract and I grab Dean's arm. "Dean I need to talk to Lisa alone for a bit. Can you get this stuff without me?"

He looks worried. I can tell he doesn't like the idea of me and her speaking alone. But he shakes his head in agreement. "I'll be back as soon as I can." He leans down and kisses me calls for his brother and Gabby and they all head out.

Ben stays in his room. I think I heard Gabby say he fell asleep. He must have been too excited from waiting for Dean the night before to sleep and now he is exhausted. I walk into the kitchen and find Lisa standing at the sink. "We need to talk." I say quietly.

She turns around and we head into the living room and sit down facing each other. "Lisa I want you to understand me a bit better. I don't' have some delusion that we can be friends but I am going to be here while we work this case and I don't need snide comments from you every 10 minutes."

Lisa rolls her eyes and smirks. "What do you want Lara? You already got Dean what else could you possibly need."

I don't need anything else except him but I know we still need to talk. "Lisa I didn't steal him from you. I didn't know him until long after you guys had split. That day you came to Bobby's and you guys were together I told him to go and be with you and have a life. It was him who said no not me. We weren't together then either. Dean and I are complicated but that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

Lisa looks me in the eyes. "Well maybe I want to know how you bewitched him. I know Dean and he was never the kind of guy to feel guilty sleeping with a woman and I could tell that after we slept together, and yes we did sleep together that day, he was guilty. Even while he was staying here with me I knew one day he would sleep around but that it would be ok because I knew he would still come home to me and it wouldn't matter. He's not a one woman man you know. He's the kind of man whose going to play house for the next 50 years with you."

I think of the life I dream about sometimes. She doesn't know him at all. He is a one woman man there. We are very happy with each other and he would never cheat on me once we were together. He had the same upbringing has he did here, everything was the same except me. By now in that path we already have a kid and I'm pregnant with two more. He has no problem setting up house. "I'm not asking him to do anything he doesn't want to."

"Are you willing to let him go and do what he needs to? He's not going to be content with whatever you think you're not making him do." Of course I am but I don't really worry about it. We're cut from the same cloth, we were raised violently. "He's different around you. How much of that is what you force him to be and how much is what he wants to be?"

She's trying to hurt me. "When I was two years old my family was killed and I was taken by demons to a compound where they keep people against their will to be possessed over and over again by demons. It makes it easy for them because they don't have to go find someone. We're just there waiting for them."

"While I was there I was possessed 550 times. I can't even begin to explain the things they made me do. I think you get the gist of it from your friends. Sometimes I helped demons steal souls, sometimes I helped the kill, sometimes I helped them torture. I had no control over my body. I never had a life. My world was a cell. Anytime I went out in the world there was a demon in me. It wasn't until a few months ago when Dean rescued me that I experienced the world by myself for the first time. I still don't always handle it well. It's hard."

"You asked about my baby earlier. Ruby possessed me for a month and tried to seduce Sam with my body and it worked. I found out from Cas that he impregnated me with the anti Christ. He didn't mean to. He was drinking demon blood at the time, but it still happened. You treat me like I am some cold calculating enemy trying to steal your life. I'm not. I barely keep myself together. I have to focus every second of the day to not let my past destroy me. That night you slept over at Bobby's house you got just a taste of it. Those screams you heard that is me every night. And a time like this when I have to face some of the people that helped make my world just a little darker I want to break down and sob. The only thing that keeps me together is Dean." Lisa looks at me apprehensively.

Lisa takes a deep breath. "What happened to you I admit it a horrible thing that I can't fathom. But I am not giving him up without a fight."

Game on bitch. "Lisa if he wanted to be with you I would let him. I know you can give him something I can't but I also know he loves me. I know he won't leave me for you. Try if you want but you're going to fail." I wish I could be as confident has I sound. If I were in Dean's place I would go with Lisa. I get up and leave before she can say anything else. I walk up the stairs and find that guest room Dean had mentioned and lay down in the bed. I need just a few minutes to myself to break down.

It doesn't take much before I find myself cracking. I can feel the sobs wracking through my body and the images of that night flashing through my mind. I hear the door open and I assume it's just Dean and wait for him to get on the bed and hold me but that doesn't happen. I open my eyes and Ben is standing next to the bed looking at me. He puts his hand on my shoulder. "Are you ok Lara? Is it about what those men said downstairs?"

I try to get myself together. I don't want Ben to see this but I've let the wall down and it's hard to put back up once I let it down. I shake my head yes. "It's ok Lara. Those men don't know what they are talking about. You're an awesome person and you're nice. I can tell because you're so nice to me even though my mom is mean to you. And Dean wants to marry you. He wouldn't marry you unless you were really awesome."

I sit up and he gives me a tight hug and turns around and leaves the room. Lisa may be a bitch but she did a good job raising him. He's amazing and I know she was a single mom. So what he has become is all because of her. I lay back down and a while later I hear Dean come into the room.

He crawls into the bed next to me and pulls me into him. I haven't been able to stop crying since I allowed myself to start. He rubs my head and back and kisses the top of my head. "It's ok sweet heart. Just let it out."

It makes me cry harder to have him hold me. "Dean I'm really sorry." He pulls back and looks down at me and smiles. "What could you possibly be sorry about Lara?"

I let out a sob and look at him. "Because we haven't been together yet and those men have been with me. A lot of men have been with me and you haven't. How can you possibly want to knowing what I've done." Dean saying 'you didn't mind while the rest of the planet was fucking you' rings through my ears even though I know it wasn't real.

He pulls me into his chest and cradles me head. "I thought we were passed this Lara. You had nothing to do with those men being with you. It was the demon who was wearing you. I don't love you because of the promise of sex. I love you because of you. I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for and you're not ready for that yet. But when you are ready and we are together I know it will be amazing and I will make sure you forget all about those horrible experiences you had before and make them all good ones for you, no great ones. So please stop thinking your disgusting. You had no control. You are innocent of it. In reality you pretty much are a virgin. You never had sex. It was the demons wearing you having it. Now stop doubting yourself. I love you and I think you're amazing."

He always knows that to say. I start to calm down and I wipe my eyes. "Did you find the stuff I wrote down?" He shakes his head. "We can do the ritual and get the contract. Once we know what it's for and who holds it we can maybe do something about it. But Dean you know better than anyone that these things don't just break. They are probably going to hell. I think we should go somewhere else. I don't want Ben to see this stuff. He's seen too much already today."

"I agree. We can set up shop at Earl's. He's the only one who doesn't have kids. I don't want Ben involved either. I know we probably won't save them and a part of me doesn't care that they will burn in hell forever for what they did to you but I know I need to try." I kiss him softly. "That's what makes you, you Dean. You do what's right and it's right to try and help them. It's just one of the many reasons I love you."

A few hours later are have set up shop in Earl's garage much to the chagrin of his wife Elisa, but she finally agreed since they didn't have kids. We have the contract and it looks like we can actually possibly save Don. He wasn't like the others that night. Yes he did sit there and watch when Charlie and Earl told the demons they wanted to watch Julie and I have sex together first but he never touched us. I know now that he was married and had a baby. I don't think he really wanted anything to do with that night. He wouldn't even let us kiss him on the lips we kissed his check.

I pour over the contract one more time. I'm the only one who can read. Enough demons have worn me that I can read their scripts. I look up at Dean. "If we summon the demon who made the contract I think we can at least get Don off on technicality but the others they are bound by this."

Earl snarls behind me. "That's bull shit he was there too that night!" I whip around and give him a dark look. "He never touched us asshole. You were so rough with Julie she could hardly walk for days after and Charlie had no problem touching me. You should be happy that at least one of you might survive this!" Earl turns around muttering something under his breath and Charlie can't even look at me.

Don walks over to me and when Dean gets closer and puts a protective arm around me he takes a step back. "I was still there that night Lara. If this is my punishment I understand."

I give him a weak smile. "Don, of all the similar missions I have been on like this one you never touched us. It may not seem like a lot to you but to me it meant everything. It was one less man to haunt my nightmares." He looks upset but I can't blame him he might die.

I turn into Dean. "We need to summon the demons who made the contracts." Dean tenses but Gabby and Sam start setting up for the summoning ritual. Dean leans down and whispers in my ear. "You don't have to stay for this." I look up at him and nod and stay put.

Sam does the ritual and within a few minutes two demons show up in our devils trap wearing some other girls. They look at me and laugh. Bambi the one who wore me snickers, they have been in the human world way to long and like to be called Jasmine and Bambi instead of god knows what horrible demon knows they have. "Well if it isn't Bubonic Six. I never thought I would see you again. I heard you were Crowley's bitch now."

Dean throws some holy water on them and that seems to shut them up. I look at them. "These men were some of the men you tricked 10 years ago. Will you drop the contract on them?"

They both start to laugh and shake their heads no. "Well Don didn't actually have sex with either of us so he's void. You can't take his soul if he never got the product."

They both let out a scream of rage and look at Don. I hand them his contract and they are forced to rip it up. Bambi gives him a cold stare. "You got lucky meat suit. Go home and thank your lucky stars we don't get to take you with us." Don looks relived but stays. I assume he feels the need to stay for his friends.

Dean leans into me. "Are their bodies alive?" I shake my head no. "They are technically alive but they both have mortal wounds. The second they leave those bodies those girls are dead."

I look at them again. "Who has the contracts on these men?" The both start to laugh again. I hated that most about them. They had been friends for centuries and every time they took me out they were always laughing like everything was so fucking funny. Jasmine looks at me and smiles. "Crowley. But don't be stupid enough to bring him. He won't break it and you can't kill him. He's kept all his contracts and he's stronger than ever now."

Dean looks at me and sighs. I pull out the colt and shoot them both in the head. I needed to let those girls out of their misery and those demon bitches needed to die. Earl and Charlie both let out a scream. They've never seen a dead body before. "If you guys want to summon Crowley and try to save them that's fine but I can't stay here while you do it. I can't see him again. It's too soon, but to be honest I don't think we have a chance in hell here. We can pour a ring for them but the hell hounds will get through. They always get through."

Earl and Charlie looks scared, they should be. Earl walks to me and grabs my arm but Dean pushes him away. "You can't leave us. You have to help us."

"I don't have to do a damn thing. You did this to yourself. I've done what I can. If it's any consolation I feel bad for you guys. I wouldn't wish this kind of death and eternity on anyone." I turn around and walk out of the garage and Dean follows behind me. I take a seat on the hood of the impala and he joins me. "I don't think there is anything we can do for them I'm sorry Dean, I know they are your friends."

Dean puts his arm around me and pulls me closer. "You did more than I would have done in your position. You saved Don that's more than any of us would have been able to do. I'm thinking I can have Cas take you back to the panic room and I can try and summon Crowley and see what we can do but I don't think it will work. We can try to kill him with the Colt but I don't know if it will work. I hate them for what they did to you but I know what is waiting from them down there and…"

I lean up and kiss him. "I know too and I don't wish it on them." I grab his arm and look at watch. "We only have 8 more hours. If we're going to summon anyone we need to start working on that. I'll help with the prep but before we call him I have to leave." Dean kisses me again and rests his head on my forehead. "Let's get started." He mutters.

We have everything set up. We had to get more supplies. Summoning a low level demon is one thing, summoning the king of hell is quite another. We have devils traps set and the colt and the blade set up and ready to fire. Before they do anything I pray for Cas and he appears in front of me. "Cas can you take me to the panic room? They are going to summon Crowley to try and help these guys with a deal but I can't stay. You can bring me back when they are done."

Cas looks at Dean who nods and he grabs my arm and I arrive at the panic room. "Why are you helping save those men Lara? I saw what they did to you. It was radiating off of them and you."

I look at him and frown. "What they did was horrible but they don't deserve an eternity in hell because of it. I don't think Dean will be able to do anything to save them but I know he has to try. Cas can I ask a strange question?"

Cas looks at my blankly. "Of course."

I take a deep breath. "I don't know why I never thought of it before but after all of those missions I had been on I only got pregnant once. How come? I mean it seems like I should have been pregnant quite a few times. Not that I'm complaining I'm just confused."

Cas doesn't say anything for a minute and I assume he's thinking. "I'm really not 100 percent positive but I think it I has to do with your body being such a powerful vessel. In the other path you are very fertile. You have 6 kids so I don't think anything is wrong with you. I think that you might only be able to conceive a child from another vessel. I mean Sam is the vessel for Lucifer so it makes sense to me."

I nod and we both sit down on the cot and wait for Dean to call us back. That seems to be a reasonable response. A bit strange but not the strangest thing I've heard by far. I look at the clock on my phone and watch the seconds tick by. It's 1 am before Dean summons Cas to bring us to them. We arrive in Lisa's living room and everyone looks worse for the wear. I run to Dean and give him a hug. "What happened?"

Dean sighs. "We summoned Crowley and of course he refused. We tried to shoot him with the colt but he was able to stop the bullet and flung the knife away before we could get to him. He's too powerful now and the trap couldn't hold him. He was able to hit a jug of water over and it broke the chalk trap. Earl and Charlie are dead. We tried to help them but the hell hounds ripped them to shreds."

Sam and Gabby look near passed out on the couch and Lisa is crying on the arm chair. I assume Ben is asleep in his room because he's not down here. Lisa looks at us all and waves her arm. "You guys can all stay here. We have the guest room upstairs and I have a pull out couch downstairs." Everyone gives her an exhausted nod and Sam and Gabby go out to get our bags.

They take the basement and Dean and I head upstairs to the spare room. We take turns getting ready in the bathroom and as I'm leaving the bathroom I see him leaving Ben's room. He must have gone into the check on him. When he leaves he turns right to head into Lisa's room but stops has he touches the door handle and turns around and sees me in the hallway. He turns red and looks down at the floor. "Sorry it's just habit."

I walk to him and give him a hug. "This must be hard on you. Come on lets go to bed." We walk back to our room and crawl into bed. "I'm sorry about your friends Dean." I say again before I turn out the lights.

He frowns and I turn off the light. He quickly finds me and pulls me into his side. "I know what they are going through right now. I know what it's like to have those things rip you to shreds and then wake up in the worst place you can possibly imagine." I can hear it in his voice that he is close to breaking. Hell is one of the few things that can actually break him down.

I put my hand on his chest and kiss the hand print forever burned into his skin. "We did all we could for them. Try not to dwell on it."I say it but I know he will. "Try and sleep Dean. I love you."

He touches my cheek and I turn my face up and he kisses me. "I love you too." I stay awake a bit longer. Seeing those men reminded me of things I had wished I could forget. Dean is thrashing in his sleep. I know he's dreaming of hell and I just keep nudging him gently letting him know I'm here.


	47. Chapter 47

Dean's POV

Sleep is just not coming tonight. Every time I fall asleep I see myself waking up in hell. Around 6 am I finally give up. I sit up and I look at Lara who is nestled into my side sound asleep. I slowly pull my arm out from under her and leave the room. I don't want to wake her up. I walk down stairs and I'm surprised to see Lisa up in the kitchen. Her back is to me but I can tell she's been crying. "You ok?" I ask her.

She turns around quickly and when she sees it's just me relaxes. "I would like to say yes but yesterday was a lot to handle. I'm just trying to process it." I totally get that. I need some to process it as well.

"Try not to dwell on it. It will make you go crazy." Images of hell flash before my eyes. Waking up confused and alone tied up like a fly in a spider's web waiting to be eaten. She must have noticed I went somewhere dark but I look down and see her hand touching my arm. I shrug it off and head to the fridge and pull out some orange juice. "Before I leave I'll set up some precautions around the house for you and Ben. I don't think you'll have any problems but I would feel better knowing I set them up."

She looks at me and frowns. She doesn't like me shrugging her off. "If you stayed you wouldn't have to set up precautions. You could keep us safe Dean."

I take in a deep breath and look at her. She is beautiful and we had some really great times together but it doesn't matter. I want Lara. I love Lara. "Lisa that's not going to happen, I'm sorry. I know the last time we meet I gave you some mixed signals and I shouldn't have. I really regret sleeping with you that day." She grabs my arm again. "I don't." She says hopefully.

"Well I do. I didn't want to add insult to injury but I was in love with Lara than and I didn't think she could ever want me. I didn't mean to sleep with you it just kind of happened. I'm sorry that I lead you on but I'm with her now. I plan on starting a life with her. I still want to have contact with Ben but you're his mom and I will let you deem what is appropriate on that. I will always care about you both and Ben means the world to me but we're not going to ever get back together." I tried to be nice about it but she just wasn't getting the hint.

"She can't give you what I can Dean. I saw her yesterday. She has more skeletons in her closet than I have shoes. With me it would be easy. You would fit right back into this life. You wouldn't have to worry about me having nightmares, you wouldn't have to worry about coming across men that I've slept with to steal their souls, you wouldn't have to wonder if your brother ever thinks about me naked. It would just be you, me and Ben. Nothing supernatural or evil." She still looks hopeful. She pulls herself closer to me and tries to kiss me but I put my hand and on her arms and push her away.

"This is bullshit Dean. I put you back together after you stopped the apocalypse and thought you lost your brother again. I helped you with the night terrors and the paranoia. I got your through all of that but now that you're fixed and put back together someone else gets to enjoy you."

"I'm not totally fixed Lisa. I still have nightmares. Just a few months ago I woke up and was choking Lara in my sleep. I almost killed her. Do you consider that all put back together? For me to come back here I would have to cut out a piece of my heart and leave it with Lara. She's my soul mate Lisa and nothing is going to change that. Even if she were to die it wouldn't change how I feel about her." I don't know what else to say to her. I turn around and head back upstairs. I may not be able to sleep but I can sit in bed until Lara wakes up and we can head out.

I am surprised to see Lara standing on the stairs with a big smile on her face. I walk up to her slowly and kiss her. She follows me upstairs and we climb back into bed. "I woke up and you weren't in bed and I got scared so I came to find you. I heard you what you said to her." I lean down and kiss her again. "I meant it Lara."

She smiles and lays back down in my arms. "I love you." She whispers and falls back to sleep. I lay in bed for a few hours. I know sleep isn't coming but I don't want to be anywhere else. Once she wakes up again I get Gabby and Sam up. Thank god they were too exhausted to do anything last night because the last thing I needed was to find them naked downstairs.

We all pack up and head to the car. Before we leave I walk up to Ben to talk to him in private. I give him a fierce hug and he hugs be back. "Ben I want you to know you can call me anytime and I will come." He shakes his head and I ruffle his hair up a bit and I walk back to the car and we head out.

I drive aimlessly at first. Sam made me promise him that we could all take a break after everything that happened but he never said where. Him and Gabby have been going over ideas for at least 45 minutes and have gotten no closer to a place they want to go. Lara is sprawled out in the passenger seat with her feet in my lap reading a book that Sam gave her. He has now decided that she should read the classics. The cover said Jane Eyre but I have no clue who that is. I'm glad it's summer now. She's wearing shorts and I get to look and touch her legs, all of her legs. I dig through the glove box and fling them back map. "Sam hold out the map. Gabby close your eyes and point. Where it lands we'll go. I can't listen to you guy bicker anymore about where the perfect place to go is."

Gabby seems excited about this. "I like it! Hold it out Sam! No, no no, I want to go to the coast. Fold it inwards so I can only pick a coastal area." I watch Sam fold the map inwards so she could only hit the coast and I laugh. Kind of defeats my idea but hey they'll pick something at least. She closes her eyes and hits the map. "Ocean City MD here we come."

I can get there early tomorrow morning if we drive all night. Lara moves her feet and turns around to look at the map. She grabs it and studies it for a minute. "Sam can I use your phone? I want to look up stuff that is there."

He hands her his complicated phone and she starts hitting buttons. She lets out a few frustrated grunts but he's always happy to lean forward and help you use it. Gabby is going on and on about the nice hotel they are going to stay in and how she's going to sleep till noon and I can't help but laughing. Sam is not a sit around and do nothing kind of guy. He is going to be stir crazy by the end of the first day. Luckily we got a new round of fake cards so I don't have to worry about how we're going to fund this little trip but after everything Sam and Gabby did for me when Lara was taken I have to do this for them.

Lara sits up and hands the phone to me. Her ring catches the light and I feel a swelling in my chest. She's not just Lara anymore, she's my fiancée. "Look at that Dean. Can we camp there for a night?" I look at the pictures and see horses running around a beach. "What is it?" I ask her handing the phone back.

"It's a park called Assateague they have wild horses and stuff. They have a camp site. We can camp out on the beach and have a fire and hang out with the horses. Can we go there for a night or two?" I laugh, "If you want to camp out I'm in but aren't you more of a cabin kind of girl?" I say with a wink.

She hits me and laughs. She remembers that dream too. Gabby wiggles her way in between us and takes the phone from Lara. She plays around on it for a few minutes and hands it back up. "We can do the camp thing a night but then we are doing two rooms, yes you heard me mister we have to share a room so no one gets killed, at this hotel. It's on the beach and has three pools. What else could you ask for?" I can't help but laugh. It's like old times again.

I grab the phone and look at the pictures and hand it to Lara. I meet Sam's gaze in the mirror and he shakes his head and laughs. "Well actually Gabby it really is safer if we stay in one room. I mean we can get one with two king beds. It would be safer and more cost effective."

Gabby makes an indignant screech. "That is absurd I am not sharing a room with you guys! Tell him Sam."

I turn around, "Well has the oldest I say we are staying in one room." Sam knows I'm joking but I don't think that Gabby does. "Well I'm taller than you and cuter so I say two rooms!" She looks at Sam to back her up.

Sam shakes his head, "Well as the tallest and the cutest I say… one room. He's right it's safer." Gabby hits him hard in the arm and Lara starts to laugh. "Well as the youngest, shortest, and definitely the cutest out of this car I say two rooms. End of discussion."

I lean over and give her a kiss. "Anything you say sweetheart."

Gabby hits me upside the head. "So since she said it you're going to go along with it but when I suggested it you vetoed it?"

I laugh hard. "I was just joking about it in the first place Gabby chill out. You'll have all the time in the world to get naked with Sammy here once we get to the beach. But for now keep your pants on."

I look back in the mirror and Sam's and Gabby's jaw are dropped and their trying to come up with a comeback. Lara moves closer to me on the seat and rests her head on my shoulder and continues to read her book.

We decide to spend the night at some cheap motel on the way there and much to Gabby's dismay we share a room for one more night. We get up early and head back on the road. We stop to pick up some supplies for the campsite. We get all the essentials; chocolate, marshmallows, gram crackers, and beer. Lara insisted that I buy her a few disposable cameras so she can take pictures while were there. We get to the camp site at around 3 and set up. "Gabby I promise this is the last night but we only have one tent and two sleeping bags so you will have to deal for like 18 more hours. Then I swear you won't have to see me for a week."

She lets out a laugh and pulls another bag out of the trunk. She grabs Lara and takes her to the group bathroom a few camp sites down. They come back in towels wrapped around their swimsuits. "You boys can set this up while we go to the beach." We're about to yell at them and tell them they have to help when they drop their towels. Lara is wearing a one piece. I know she doesn't want people to see her back but she still looks great. It's the same one that Jody had gotten her and it doesn't leave much to the imagination. Gabby is wearing a very skimpy bikini and by the look at Sam's face he likes it.

Sam and I finish setting up the tent and change and head down to the beach ourselves. They have set up their towels and Gabby is in the water but Lara is sitting back at the beach. Sam goes running after Gabby in the water but I walk down next to Lara. "You're going to burn sitting out here." I pull out a bottle of sun screen that I picked up at the store and start to put some on her back and shoulders. "What are you putting on me?" She asks me confused.

I continue to rub it in and hand her the bottle. "It's sun screen. Put some on your face." I can tell she's still confused. I sometimes forget that even the simplest of things she never experienced before. "You put it on your skin so the sun doesn't burn it. You're pale so you definitely need it. Why didn't you go into the water with Gabby?" I ask her while she starts to spread it on her face and chest.

"I wanted to wait for you. I don't know how to swim and this looks a lot different than the pool. I figured I'd wait and you'd make sure I didn't drown." I let her finish putting on the sun screen and sit down next to her for a few minutes staring out at the ocean. "It's so beautiful and powerful. Makes me feel so small, this is all there is till the ocean hits Europe. Just water and waves constantly pounding and moving. I read in one of those books Sam gave me that the earth is mostly water. It's amazing isn't it? I spent 24 years without ever going in it and it is most of the earth."

I put my arm around her and kiss the side of her head. Then I stand up and pull her to her feet. "Come on I won't let you drown I promise." She's scared at first. I can feel how tense she just through her hand. After slowly moving forward inch by inch she is calm and enjoying herself. She's splashing and floating on top of the water without my help. Her and Gabby manage to flirt a boogie board off of some teenage boys and she even tries that and enjoys it. I like seeing her like this. Care free, smiling, happy. It doesn't happen all that often.

After the sun goes down Sam and I run into town to pick up some dinner. We get some pizza's and head back to the camp site. The girls have lit a fire and have the stuff for smores all laid out. It's relaxing. We eat pizza, marshmallows, and drink beer late into the night. We have nothing to worry about and nothing to do.

Gabby looks at Sam devilishly, "Never have I ever gone to college." He drinks and laughs back at her. "Never have I ever been to Spain." She slaps him and takes a swig and looks to Lara.

"Never have I ever watched a Disney movie." She said smugly. Even I had to drink for that one. I remember loving Robin Hood when I was kid.

"Never have I ever gone skinny dipping in the ocean." I say with a wink. No one drank. We all look around waiting for someone to drink but no one does. Gabby and Sam give each other a devious look and both go running off towards the water loosing clothes as they go. Lara watches them laughing hysterically.

"So there is something normal that you haven't done after all." Lara says slyly. She stands up and looks down at me. The wind is blowing her hair around her face and the thin sheer cover up she is wearing is billowing around her. She lowers her hands and I reach up and grab it and we walk down the water. We're not running and throwing clothes as we go like Gabby and Sam, who are in the water doing god knows what by the way, but we're still making our way down there.

We walk a bit further down the beach. I let Lara guide me. After a few minutes I can't hear Sam and Gabby over the waves anymore. I still can't believe what a sexual fiend Gabby has turned my prudish little brother into. Lara looks at me and smiles and drops her cover up on the beach and starts to walk into the water slipping her swim suit down her shoulders has she gets in. She looks like some kind of sea nymph walking into the water like that, the waves crashing, the wind blowing around her, and her so beautiful and calm just looking back at me over her shoulder. She slides the rest of swim suit down and throws it back on the beach and dunks under the water.

I am not going to be out done so I stumble in behind her. Not nearly has graceful has she was but still I get in and throw my t shirt and trunks back on our pile on the beach. When I meet up Lara she grabs on to me and kisses me passionately. I don't know if I should take this has a sign that she's ready or not.

She lets go of me and lays down on the water and just floats for a moment next to me. I've never seen her fully naked outside of a dream like this before. The time in Seattle didn't count. She was waking up from a nightmare and it was all a blur. This is not a blur and definitely not a nightmare for anyone. I trace my hands over her body and she shudders and closes her eyes letting the waves move her closer to me.

After a few minutes of allowing me to memorize her body she stands back on her feet and lifts herself up to kiss me again. Being naked and next to her like this isn't good for my will. If I am not careful I am going to take her right here without even thinking about it. I can tell she's a bit nervous. Her body is shaking and it's because of the water temperature.

I wrap my arms around her and deepen the kiss waiting to see how she responses. She tenses for a moment then relaxes again. "I love you Dean and I'm really glad you didn't listen to me and you found me and you rescued me." She murmurs into my lips.

I stop kissing her pull her up to me resting my forehead on hers. "I was always going to find you regardless of what you said. Life wasn't worth living without you." I can feel her smile and she wraps her arms around me.

"I know tonight is perfect and amazing but I'm not ready Dean. Is that ok?" I don't know what I did to her in her dream but I want to kick my ass for doing whatever it is I did.

"I told you I would wait forever didn't I? And like before when I said I love you forever I mean forever. This is a beautiful evening regardless of what we do or don't do." She relaxes into me and we stand there a few minutes.

We pull ourselves back to shore and redress. "Can we sleep on the beach? I'm pretty sure Sam and Gabby are defiling our tent." Sure enough I look back down the beach a ways and Gabby and Sammy are pawing at each other the whole way up the beach to the tent. I can't help but laugh. I've never seen Sam this happy. I've never seen myself this happy.

"Why not! Can't promise we won't wake up the moment the sun does but it will be an adventure. Want to take a walk first?" She shakes her head yes and I put my arm around her shoulder and we walk down the beach in the surf.

We walk back towards our tent and collapse on the beach about 20 ft away so the ocean drowns out any sounds my brother and Gabby may be making. "They are in love." Lara says casually to me. I lay down on my back and pull her into my side and she lays down on my chest. "Yes, I think they are. I'm glad for Sam. He's had a rough track record."

There's a loud noise down the beach a ways and we both sit up straight and look down. We see a family of wild horses come running by us on the beach. Lara is sitting there in awe of the animals but I can only see her.

Once they've passed she looks at me and the happy carefree nature of a minute ago in gone. "Dean can I ask you a question?" I know she's scared about something but I don't know what. I give her a quick kiss. "Anything."

She takes a deep breath. "Lisa said something to me and I just wanted to know. Have I changed you?"

"Yes, you have, but in a good way. I'm who I think I was meant to be." She looks at me and smiles for a moment then asks. "Well I know this path is so different than the one we were suppose to live. Everything is the same but completely different you know. Do you want kids?"

I look into her eyes for a moment trying to read what she wants to hear. Her eyes are usually so expressive and an open book to me but they just look anxious. I decide it's best not to tell her what I think she wants to hear but what I actually want. "I do. I don't know if we can still have our kids but I want them with you. I want parts of that life here with you. I want a family, a house, a normal job, you in my bed every night and every morning. I hope we can have that but sometimes I don't know if it's possible anymore." I see tears form in her eyes and I grab her close to me. "If you don't want kids that's fine. I don't need them. I just said I would want them."

She shakes her head adamantly in my chest. "No Dean, I want them. I want them very much. I just wasn't sure if you did."

I kiss her forehead. "What did Lisa say to you?"

She looks me in the eyes and kisses me. "She said that you weren't the kind of man to play house with me for the next 50 years and you weren't the kind of man who was built for one woman. That I was forcing you to be something you didn't want to be. I know she was saying what she believed to be true but I knew otherwise. I know that if that is what we want and decide you can be that man that we can have that life, but I would be happy even if we just hunted together forever. I don't want you to give up everything that makes you happy just because I came into the picture."

I laugh, I don't know why I laugh but I do. "Happy? I am not happy with this life. I was for a time, well a long time. But since I've been back from hell this life has been a curse. It's no longer the fun, saving people, hanging out with my brother, killing stuff, kind of life I thought it was. It's a chore now. I want it to end. I know it won't ever fully end. That no matter how long I'm out of the game I'll still be in it but I'm ready to not let it define me anymore. I want a real life. I had a taste of one but that one wasn't right and it's why it failed. We can make a real life that works. Once we work out all this heaven and hell stuff I plan on trying to make that happen. We haven't had time to talk about it yet, but I want to marry you quickly and get working on it as soon as possible. We haven't talked about it I know but is that what you want?"

Lara's face brightens and she smiles and pushes me back down on the sand. She straddles me and gives me a kiss then sits back up and moves the hair out of her face. "I would like that very much Dean. I just want a small ceremony, just us, Sam, Gabby, Bobby, Jody, and Cas. Maybe outside somewhere. Cas can marry us I mean he's an angel I think he has that authority. Afterward we can go off and have some alone time somewhere then come back and figure it out. Still hunt for a bit then start a family. We can still take hunts here and there but for the most part we can finally retire. Maybe you and Bobby can even open up the mechanic shop that you do in the other path. Or we could just help other hunters like Bobby does now. But whatever it is we'll do it together." She leans down and kisses me again.

I know she's not ready so I restrain myself but I still take what I want from the kiss. I take off the cover up she's wearing so it's just her thin swim suit and mine between us. She's not as nervous this time. She knows I won't go any further than she can handle. For the first time since I was a teenager I just enjoy a hardcore make out session. With her sometimes I feel like I'm a teenager again. We go no further than second base but it's enough.

She collapse next to me with a sigh of contentment and gives me a lazy smile. "You're something with your hands, and your tongue Dean." She says with a smile. I laugh and pull her swim suit back up over her chest and shoulders. I jump up and run back to the car and grab a blanket that Lara usually leaves in the back seat and run back to her on the beach. I lay down next to her and cover us with the blanket pulling her on to my chest.


	48. Chapter 48

A/N I wanted there to be a few chapters of happy go lucky before shit hit the fan again.

Gabriella's POV

I love vacation. I haven't been on one since I was a little girl. My parents took me down to Granada and then the beach. That was probably 20 years ago now. Despite the similarities with the beach vacation this one is incredibly different than that one.

Dean stayed true to his word and when we got to hotel we got to rooms. When the concierge asked of if we wanted adjoining rooms Dean acted like a little bitch. "No, definitely not. I want at least a room between us so I can't hear them." What an ass. We've all just been relaxing and enjoying a much needed break.

We've been here 4 days now and I think I finally got Sam to relax and stop trying to do stuff. Probably the ridiculous amounts of sex we're having is helping with that. Every morning we wake up and we make love. It's wonderful just care free and fun. We usually meet up with Dean and Lara for breakfast, well lunch I don't like to get out of bed till noon, then head to the beach. We all play in the water but a few hours later, because Dean and Lara have the metabolisms of infants they need food again they wander off to get lunch. At which point I have successfully convince Sam to come far enough from shore with me that we can have sex in the ocean. He was ridiculously shy about it the first time, but once he realized no one could see us under the water and no one could hear us he relaxed about it. The last time Lara and Dean came back from lunch we were both passed out on the beach. We've gone out together some nights to dinner and the boardwalk but last night we went our separate ways and we had our first real official date. I guess it's kind of weird that we haven't had a date yet but well there wasn't time. He took me out to dinner and then we walked the boardwalk. When we went back to the hotel I made sure he had a mind blowing orgasm has thank you for a beautiful evening.

It's funny cause I never thought of myself has a really sexual person but all of a sudden it's like some kind of switch has been flipped in my body and it's all I can think about. We just got up and had our morning round and he's in the shower. I reach over and grab the phone and call Lara and Dean's room. Lara picks up out of breath on the phone. "Hey you guys want to go breakfast and head to the beach."

I hear a bit of a commotion behind her and Dean yelling "Shit" loudly and I laugh. She comes back to the receiver. "I think we are going to just stay in the room a bit longer. We'll meet you at the beach later." I hang up a bit perplexed and decide to join Sam in the shower for round two.

Afterwards we are both laying down in the shower panting heavily. "Jesus woman you are going to kill me." Sam says with a laugh. I giggle to and start to stand up and reach for the shampoo. May has well get clean after I just got dirty.

It takes us another hour to successfully finish showering and we're out the door. At the same time we are leaving Lara and Dean are leaving their room and we run into each other in the hall. Dean has a bruised black eye. Sam points and laughs. "What the hell happened to you since last night?"

Lara starts to blush and lowers her head and Dean shrugs. "Just had a bit of an accident this morning that's all." Lara buries her head into this chest and I can tell she did something. She mumbles something into his chest but I can't make it out. "She feels bad because she decked me this morning. I thought it would be fun to surprise her in the…" Lara hits him in the stomach and mumbles something else "Well to surprise her and I guess I took her off guard because she punched me in the eye."

Lara looks at me in a state of embarrassment and amusement. She looks at me and says, "There are just some places you shouldn't try and surprise someone." He puts his arm around her and gives her a kiss. "I take it as a compliment to my training skills but if anyone else asks I got beaten up by a gang of thugs all 6 foot or above with tattoos and chains." She laughs and elbows him again.

After we get to the beach the boys run off somewhere and I get a few minutes alone with Lara. "So what happened to his eye?"

She blushed again and lowered her gaze. "I was in the shower and he surprised me and my first instinct was to punch."

I start to laugh. "Wait are you guys like having sex now?"

Lara shakes her head no. "It's not quite like that. We have been getting to know each other's bodies you could say. He knows I'm not ready for that yet and he's been really respectful of that but there are other things we can do. We've been mostly just kissing and touching nothing further. I just didn't expect someone to come into the shower."

I can't stop laughing. "That's funny because I surprised Sam in the shower this morning and definitely didn't get hit in the face." Lara fake punches my arm and we laugh it off.

Sam's POV 

I haven't been this relaxed since the spring break before Jess died. Dean and I never really took the chance to relax. Even between cases we would be scouring the internet for the next one. I had a list of books a mile long that I wanted to read and I've slowly been going through them while we've been relaxing on the beach despite the fact that Dean and Gabriella have been making fun of me nonstop for it.

We've been here 5 days and it's been 5 of the best days of my life. Gabriella is insatiable and every spare moment we have she's on top of me, not that I'm complaining. Two nights ago we went on our first real date. I don't know why I was so nervous about it but I was. We had a really great time though and an even better time when we got back to the room.

I still can't believe that Lara decked Dean. He told me later in the day when we went for some food that he was trying to surprise her in the shower but she was caught off guard and decked him. I didn't mean to laugh as hard as I did but it couldn't stop thinking about that morning when Gabriella surprised me. I did not hit her in the face that's for sure.

We only have two days left and I'm kind of sad about it. I can't even remember a time where Dean and I have just relaxed and it's been great to just hang out with my brother. Most of our time is spent with our ladies but we still have had time to just hang. It's getting back to what it was like before Dean went to hell.

Lara and I have managed to have a few study sessions despite Dean and Gabriella's complaints on the matter. Sometimes I think I should stop and let them win but the look on Lara's face when she is learning changes my mind quickly on that. She's gone through a lot of the classics while we've been at the beach and I'm starting her on some harder pieces. I just assigned her War and Peace. I'll be interested to see what she thinks about that.

We're all going to the amusement park set up at the end of the boardwalk tonight and I'm excited. They have roller coasters, rides, and games. It should be a fun evening. Gabriella has been hoping they have bumper cars all day because she wants to show Dean how she is the better driver. That should be a fun way to get wipe lash.

I've taken Lara out shopping with me under the guise of studying but I need her help. I've never been so lost before in my life and I need a woman's opinion. We've been going shop to shop all day and I think we finally found what I was looking for. I look at it and point and the man pulls it out. Lara's mouth breaks into a wide smile. "Sam that is perfect. It just screams Gabby."

I pick it up and look at it. "It really does doesn't it. Do you think she's going to think I'm crazy and laugh at me?" I'm still a bit nervous about my latest idea.

Lara gives me a tight hug. "Well you are crazy but she's going to be thrilled." I take a deep breath and hand over my credit card and take it back with me.

When we get back to the hotel Lara goes to her room and gives me one last supportive hug and I head into my room. Gabriella is passed out on the bed. She's laying on her stomach with her arms and legs spread out all over the mattress. I let out a quiet chuckle and move over to the bed and wiggle my way in next to her. She moves over a bit but she doesn't wake up.

Some how I drifted off and I wake up a few hours later to Gabriella singing loudly in the shower. I don't recognize the song but quite frankly after 6 years of only Dean's mullet rock I don't recognize a lot of songs. I walk into the bathroom and pull back the shower curtain and she pauses mid belt and smiles at me. "Want to join me?" She says with a wink.

I know I'm supposed to be meeting Dean and Lara in 30 minutes to go out but I think they can wait. 1 hour later we meet up with a very pissed off Dean and bubbly Lara in the lobby. We head to down to the end of the board walk. By time we got there Dean has calmed down mostly because Lara's happy attitude just won't allow for anything but happiness. She's never been to an amusement park and is really excited about it.

First thing Gabriella finds is the bumper cars. She gives Dean a devious smile. "It's on Winchester." Dean belts out a laugh and jumps into one of the cars. "Get ready to eat my dust Gabby!"

Lara tentatively looks at one of the cars and get's in. She looks at Dean nervously. "Don't slam into me ok?" He gives her a smile and assures her he won't. I force my body into one of the small cars and wonder how the hell Gabriella got in. She's only 3 inches shorter than me and I feel like I'm being shoved inside a tuna fish can.

The cars start and I see Gabby and Dean making a bee line for each other. They keep slamming into each other and laughing like lunatics. I look over at Lara who is really confused by the whole process and bump into her car lightly. "Why is this fun?" She asks me confused.

I laugh, "To be honest I'm not sure. Just aim your car at someone and run into them." She shrugs her shoulders and hits the gas on her car and slams into Dean and lets out a surprised shriek. He turns around with a dark look in his eyes but when he sees it's just Lara he smiles and laughs. Then Gabby slams into his car again and their battle is back on.

When we all get out of the cars we are laughing and Lara insists that we all go on the roller coaster. "I've never been on one before guys can we please?" Dean looks a bit nervous about it. I think I found one of the few things by brother is afraid off. "Please Dean can we?" She begs him.

He sighs and pulls her close. "OK we can, but if I barf I'm barfing on you." Lara lets out a squeal and drags us all to the roller coaster. We sit down and I put my arm around Gabriella. I need the right moment to talk to her and I'm getting nervous. She looks at me and gives me a quick kiss and the ride moves forward.

"Well that was fun." Dean said sarcastically when he stumbles off the ride. Lara is immediately at his side and whispering something to him and he smiles and kisses her forehead. "Lara and I are going to go play some games. Meet you guys at the Ferris wheel later?"

We agree and head out on our own playing games. We are awesome at the shooter gallery and Gabriella is downright scary good at whack-a-mole. We meet back up at the Ferris Wheel and Lara is clutching onto a giant teddy bear that is bigger than she is. "What is that?" I ask laughing.

She smiles and goes on her toes to kiss Dean. "He won him for me." Dean turns red and puts his arm around Lara. "She said she wanted a prize so I played till I got the biggest one." I continue to laugh and we walk up to the wheel. Lara and Dean get on first putting the giant teddy bear to the side of Lara so Dean could put his arm around her on the ride. When Gabriella and I walk up I hand the man a 50 dollar bill and lean in quickly and whisper. "Please stop us at the top for like 5 minutes." He looks down at the bill and shakes his head.

We sit down and Gabriella nestles into my side and we slowly start to go up. "This has been so much fun. I almost don't want it to end." I kiss the top of her head. "I know it's been great." We ride in silence for a few moments and the Ferris wheel is filled and we go around once. The first time to the top we didn't stop so I hope the guy does it and I didn't just waste 50 bucks.

When we make our rotation the man gives me a nod and I know he's going to stop it this time through. As the cart makes it to the top it stops. I have 5 minutes and I've never been more nervous in my life. When we stop Gabriella looks at me nervously. "Is everything alright?" She asks me looking down.

I reach for her and grab her face and kiss her. She relaxes and kisses me back. Ok I can do this. "Gabriella I know we haven't known each other that long. I know this is going to come off has crazy and probably stupid but well with you I'm a bit crazy and sometimes a bit stupid. It's only been like few months but I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?" I ask her and pull out the ring that Lara helped me pick up earlier today.

Gabriella looks at me in shock and then looks down at the ring. It's a gold band with a flat circular top that has diamonds incrusted in a circular pattern. It's not traditional for an engagement ring but I felt for her she needed something different. She's still looking at me in shock and I start to get nervous. "If this is too soon I understand. I'm sorry. We can just forget about it and go back to before and we won't mention it again." I start to put the ring back in my pocket but she reaches out and grabs my hand.

"Don't you dare put that away." She says shakily and she puts her hand out for me to slip the ring on her finger. She looks down at it and her eyes looks shiny like she might start to cry. Then she looks up at me and starts to smile. "Of course I'll marry you. And yes this is crazy and stupid but I feel the same way." She leans in and kisses me wildly.


	49. Chapter 49

Lara's POV

When we got off the ferris wheel Gabby was radiating. Like actually radiating with happiness and Sam was shy as ever. I knew that he asked her by the look on their faces and I knew that she said yes. I run over to her and gave her a big hug and she hugs me back. "Did you know about this?" She asks me.

I shake my head yes. "Since this afternoon it's been killing me." Dean comes up next to me and gives me a confused look. "What's going on?"

I grab Gabby's hand and shove it in Dean's face. He actually goes pale and looks at Sam then back at the ring then back at Sam. "You proposed?" He asked with an honest to god squeak at the end.

Sam ducked his head blushing and shook his head. Dean gave him a slap on the back and smiled. "That's awesome." Is all he could get out. I could tell Dean was about to get emotional, well as emotional has he would let anyone else see. It's his little brother that he raised and he loves him more than anything. I could tell that the love birds wanted some alone time so we cut the evening short and went back to our respective rooms.

I put the giant bear down on a chair in the room and collapse into the bed. Tonight was perfect. Sam and Gabby are going to get married. And Dean and I are going to get married. Dean starts throwing off his clothes as he walks around the room and picks up his sleep pants. "You going to change?" He asks me with a wink. He has been very excited to see all the new night gowns that Jody and Gabby have made me buy. Before I can get up and he grabs my wrists and puts something on my charm bracelet. I look down and it's a little seashell charm. "So you can remember your first time to the beach." He says with a smile.

"Thank you." I say and give him a kiss then I get up slowly. I walk over to my bag and pull out a new night gown and go into the bathroom to change. I don't know how I allowed them to convince me to buy this stuff but now I am very happy I did. I change and I look at myself in the mirror nervously. I turn around and I can still see my scars on my back through the shear fabric. It's a very short black silk night gown that stops right below the thighs with a low neck line. The back is mostly sheer fabric that stops at a v in the arch of my back then it meets the black silk. I look forward and examine the front of myself in the mirror. The scar on my breast is covered but the one on my collar bone is almost highlighted by the dark fabric on my pale skin. I look at my sides and luckily most of the scars I have on them are covered by the black silk. I take a deep breath turn the light off and go back into the bedroom.

Dean is laying down on the bed and I see that he has lit some candles. When he hears me shut the bathroom door he turns his head to look at me and lets out a long whistle. "Wow Lara" then he stares at me for a minute. "Just wow." I blush and walk over to him at the bed. He grabs me by the waist and pulls me down on top of him on the bed. I look at him nervously and can't stop blushing. "Why are you so nervous?" He whispers into my ear.

I shake my head and bury it in his chest and he lets out a laugh. He knows I've been really nervous about everything. I just feel so ugly most of the time. "You look gorgeous don't be shy." I lift my face up and he kisses my lips softly. He's been really understanding about me wanting to go slow. I don't want to tell him I need time to get over what he did to me in the dream world but I do.

We've been exploring each other's body every night now and I dare say minus one area there isn't a part of him that I don't know. At first I was surprised at his lack of scars and it made me feel so used and marred then he reminded me that he was pulled from hell his body was healed. Then I realized that he a disturbing amount of scars for only 3 years. I can't help it but I am mesmerized by the hand print on his arm. It's slightly warmer than the rest of his body. He seems to like it when I kiss it and touch it. He's unlike any of the other men I've been with. His body feels safe and warm not cold and scary. I can tell that he is sometimes straining not to take things further with me but he stays slow and gentle with me.

He has equally learned my body. He has given every scar personal attention to my embarrassment at first. The first night he tried to kiss them I started to panic and it took him a long time to calm me back down. I look at them has hideous horrible reminders of a dirty past but he seems to like kissing them and tracing them with his fingers. To be honest I have grown to like him kissing them and tracing them. He tells me how beautiful I look and how much he loves my body and I'm slowly starting to believe him.

I sit up and look down at him and I feel myself start to relax as he slides his hands down my sides. "I love you Dean." I say quietly. He sits up and kisses me. "I love you to Lara and I will love you forever." He says into my mouth.

The next morning we wake up and head out for our last day on the beach. I still can't believe we are leaving tomorrow. This has been so relaxing and amazing for all of us. Dean and Sam have gone off to get us all lunch and Gabby and I are lounging out on the beach. Neither of us are able to stop looking at our rings. We look at each other, smile, and giggle like school girls. "We're going to be sisters." I say to Gabby smiling.

She grabs me hand and smiles back. "We already are." We all spend the rest of the day relaxing in the sun and playing in the water. We had bought some boogie boards and have been catching the waves with them all week. Sam and Gabby go far out into the water for one last session in the ocean. They like to think no one knows what's going on but we're not stupid.

Dean and I stay out in the water just relaxing and floating. "Your brother is getting it on again." I say lazily.

Dean looks over and laughs. "That boy has become an exhibitionist over night! He never approved of any of my antics but now that he's the one doing them they're all of sudden ok." I playfully slap Dean's chest and he stands up and pulls me closer to him. "I don't miss any of my antics." He says into my ear. I know he's trying to reassure me and I pull back and kiss him.

"Don't worry we'll be getting up to our own soon." I see a wave coming up behind us and watch it smack into his head and he looks at me in shock and I laugh. He picks me up and slams me into the water in retaliation and I let out a shriek and push him under the water next.

He picks me up and puts me over his shoulder and carries me out of the water with me hitting his back laughing. "You better put me down Winchester!" I say laughing. He drops me on my towel and collapses next to me. He raises his eyebrows at me and pulls me into him and kisses me.

Gabby and Sam come walking up the beach towards us and Sam nudges Dean with his foot. "Get a room." He says jokingly. Dean looks at him and lets out a loud laugh. "Like you and Gabby have been doing every day around this time?"

Sam starts to say something and stops with his mouth wide open. Gabby starts to laugh and hits her hip into his side. "Come on Lara. We got to get ready for tonight." She leans down and helps me up.

Gabby decided that on our last night here we were all going to go out to a club for one last party. To be honest the last place I want to go is a club but I know Dean will be there to take care of me. Gabby has spent the entire trip trying to get Sam and Dean in a pair of flip flops because she said that their boots look ridiculous at the beach. Yesterday she finally found a pair that they said they would wear only because they have flasks in them. So now that they are dressed appropriately she has become even more insistent that we all go out.

We head back to our rooms and take a shower. I grab the bag of clothes that Gabby insisted I wear for the night and head to her room. She shoos Sam out of the room and sits me down on the bed. "I am going to do your make up tonight and you're going to look hot Lara." I let out a groan. I don't like wearing makeup. It reminds me of the missions. Once Gabby is done doing hers she does me. "Keep still Lara. I don't want to poke your eye out with the liner!"

I try not to move beneath her tools but I can't help but wiggle some. When she's done she hands me my clothes and tells me to put them on while she changes. She looks great. She has on a tight dark purple dress that shows off her back and a pair of gold strappy healed sandals. I put on the outfit she picked for me and blush in the mirror. It's a short sequined silver skirt with a black top that covers my back but plunges in the front. She told me I have to wear heals because I'm short and she got me a tall pair of strappy silver heals. I did however make one alternation. I added a thigh holster for a knife so I would feel a little better going out. "I look ridiculous." I said to Gabby has we were looking in the mirror. My eyes look so dark and smoky and my lips are a sultry red. This is not me at all.

She laughs. "You may think you look ridiculous but wait until Dean sees you in this. He is going to pass out." I examine myself in the mirror and resign myself to whatever crazy night Gabby has planned for us.

We walk into the hallway and run into our men. They both still refused to wear shorts and have on old jeans but they are wearing the flip flops with the flasks in them that Gabby insists they wear. Sam has on a simple white t shirt and Dean has on a simple black t shirt.

Dean saunters over to me and looks me up and down. "Maybe I should ask Gabby to dress you move often." I playfully hit him in the stomach and he leans down and kisses me. "You look great sweetheart." I blush and he puts his arm around my shoulders and we head out for the night.

The club really isn't that bad. Dean has stayed with me the entire night knowing how I feel about them. We've been drinking and dancing and by the look of the club we're not going to be done anytime soon.

The four of us just did another round of shots and I pull Dean back onto the dance floor and put his hands on my hips. I stand up on my toes and say into his ear. "This is how I wanted you to dance with me in Santa Fe."

He looks down at me and kisses me passionately. "That's what I wanted to do to you in Santa Fe." I blush and lean further into him. We dance a bit longer just moving to the music. It feels nice to be dancing and telling my body how to move with my dance partner and know that at the end of it I will be safe. He keeps his hands on my hips and kisses me while we dance. After a few songs we head back to our seats and Sam and Gabby are already there making out again.

We sit down and cough loudly so they stop and look back at us. Dean and Sam nod at each other and go off to get us more drinks. I sit down next to Gabby. "You guys looked pretty hot out there dancing." She said has she leaned into me. I laughed and leaned into her has well.

Two men sit down at our table and for a moment I think it's Sam and Dean coming back but when I look up I don't recognize them. "Hey ladies these seats taken?"

Gabby rolls her eyes and looks back at the men. "Actually they are. You might want to be gone before the occupants come back." The men laugh and take that has a dare.

The one across from me leans across the table and tries to grab my hand put I pull it back quickly. He stands up and walks next to me and pulls me out of my seat. "What can one dance hurt?" I start to panic. I try to pull away but his hand is tightly holding on to my arm. I hear Gabby stand up behind me but the other man stops her.

My breathing starts to become erratic and my vision starts to go in and out. I know I am about to have a panic attack but I can't seem to stop it. This is not going to happen again. Some man is not going to take me and do what he wants with me. I try to hit him of me but his grip just get's tighter.

I can't even see around him to try and get Dean's attention. Even if I could see around him it's too loud for me to call for him. "Come on just one dance. I know you'll enjoy it."

Tears start to well in my eyes and I feel myself get light headed. I just want to Dean to come back. I feel myself start to pass out then I remember my knife in my thigh holster. I pull it out with my free hand and put it to the man's neck. "You're going to let me go." I grow at him through my clenched teeth trying not to cry.

He looks at me and starts to laugh awkwardly. "Whoa there kitten put the claws back in." He says to me. The hand grabbing me lets go and I stumble back into my seat and I feel everything start to calm down again.

I look up and Dean has punched the guy who was touching me. The guy is grabbing his nose which is now bleeding and lunges back at Dean. Dean punches him again and he falls to the ground. He looks down at him daring him to stand up. The man tries to get up but Dean kicks him down and knows that he's down for the count. Dean rushes over to me and the dark look in his eyes start to fade and they grow concerned. "Sweet heart are you ok?" He asks me while he kneels in front of me and moves the hair from my face.

I shake my head no and bury my face in his neck and start to cry. I drop the knife on the table and before I know what is happening the man is pulling Dean away from me and tries to punch him again. Dean ducks and the guy misses the punch and hits the guy again. When the guy goes down he kicks him in the side and reaches down and grabs my hand. "We're leaving." He says to me picking up my knife.

I look over and the other guy is also lying on the ground but by the look on Sam's face Gabby had already punched him before he could get there. Dean puts his arm around my protectively and we leave the club.

Dean's POV

When I turned around and saw that man touching Lara I lost it. I now know the meaning of the term seeing red. I don't know if I have ever been more furious before in my life. It felt good to punch that guy. The look at Lara's face scares me though. She looked panicked and confused. I know it reminded her of her past and I want to kick myself for not keeping her with me all night. But she still tried to defend herself. When I pulled that guy off of her she had that knife to his neck and I think she would have cut him if she had too.

We get back to the room and she pulls out one of my t shirts and throws it on and crawls into bed. I know she needs comforting right now. She's shaking slightly and looks overwhelmed. I kick off the ridiculous shoes that Gabby made us get and kick of my jeans and crawl into bed next to her. She rolls into me and cries into my chest. I just hold her and try and comfort her. "I'm sorry honey. I said I would stay with you tonight and I leave for just a moment and that man touched you. I'm really sorry."

She cries harder into my chest. "You didn't do anything wrong Dean. I just panicked. I should have been able to fight him off like Gabby did but I was too afraid. It was like I was reliving one of my nightmares and my feet felt like they were in concrete."

"But you did fight him off sweetheart. You had that knife to his neck before I got there." I hold her and she cries until she falls asleep. I get up for just a moment to put on my pajamas and brush my teeth and jump back into bed. I pull her close and kiss her forehead. She's only been out a little while but I guess me getting back into bed startled her because she jumps awake and starts to hit at me. "Don't touch me Dean!" She yells at me

I reach over and turn the light on and look at her confused. "What's wrong Lara?" I ask her trying not to startle her. She's obviously still in her dream a bit. "What's wrong is that you forced yourself on me again. I am going to tell Bobby and he is going to kick your ass. Shouldn't you be with Lisa anyways?"

I don't reach out for her. She's still confused. "Lara honey that was a dream remember? Look down at your wrist. We're at the beach on vacation. Sam and Gabby are in a hotel room a few rooms down." I see reality start to sink and she looks around the room frantically.

Her eyes start to well up again and she falls into her pillow and starts to cry. I rub her back. "It's ok Lara. Don't get upset. It was just a dream." She turns her head slightly and looks at me. "I'm really sorry Dean."

I continue to rub her back. "What's wrong?"

Lara lets out another sob and rolls over on to her back. "I'm sorry I couldn't keep reality straight. I promise it won't happen again. Please forgive me." She says looking up at me with her big blue eyes.

"There is nothing to forgive what is going on?" I ask get getting scared. She looks at me and frowns. "I'm sorry I was having a dream and I got confused. You left me in that dream world because I couldn't keep reality straight and you couldn't handle it anymore. Please don't leave me."

I lean down and kiss her forehead. "We've talked about this sweet heart. I'm never ever going to leave you. What did you mean when you said I forced myself on you?"

She looks at me slightly afraid. "In that ridiculous world that Crowley made for me I woke up one night and you were…" She stops and starts to cry again. I pull her close to me. "I understand sweet heart you don't have to say anymore." So in that fake world I raped her. That's just great. I am going to kill him when I see him next. Like kill him with the colt so he actually dies and never comes back kill him.

"I'm sorry Dean." She says through sobs. "Hush now Lara. There is nothing to be sorry for. Just go back to sleep. We'll talk about it in the morning." She slowly drifts off into sleep and I hold on to her all night.

I can't seem to be able to sleep. I just keep thinking about what she lived with me for two months in her head. So what I've been able to figure out is that I was cheating on her, raped her, divorced her, and took our baby. She imagined all of that because she doesn't feel she deserves to be happy. That idea kills me.

Sometime before dawn I slowly drift off and wake up in the morning to see that Lara hasn't moved from my arms all night. I move my arm slowly and kiss her eye lids then her mouth and she wakes up. She smiles at me then I see realization flood her eyes and she looks upset again. "I'm really sorry about last night Dean."

I lean down and kiss her softly. "Lara we need to talk." She gives me a panicked look and sits up. "Not about that sweet heart. You said that all of those things happened because you changed it. You need to stop thinking you don't deserve to be happy. You do deserve it. We deserve to be happy and to have a family."

She looks at me sadly and lays into me. "I know Dean. I just have a hard time accepting it sometimes. After everything that has happened with me I just feel undeserving sometimes. But I am getting better I swear. Being with you makes me feel better and better about it every day."

"Good, just so you know that." She gives me a small smile and we get up and start to get ready. We all meet up and pile into the impala and head home. Lara was insistent that we take the giant teddy bear home and she put him in the back seat between Sam and Gabby. We decide to stop over night and I let Gabby win and we get two rooms for the night. Honestly it's kind of nice having our own room just me with Lara. I won't admit it but I think this is how hunts are going to go from now on.

We get home in the early evening and Bobby is sitting in the living room going through his books. He looks up when we come in. "How the hell have you guys been?" He asks with a laugh and walks over to us and gives the girls hugs and Sam and I a loud pat on the back.

Lara kisses his cheek. "We've been good Uncle Bobby. We had a great time at the beach but honestly I'm glad to be back home and to be sleeping in my bed tonight." Bobby blushes at Lara kissing his cheek and gives her a kind smile. "I'm glad you guys had fun and that you're home safe. What is that?" He asks pointing towards the giant teddy bear I'm carrying in for Lara.

Lara smiles and grabs the bear. "Dean won him for me." Bobby looks at me and starts to laugh. "I don't even have to make a joke about that one."

Cas suddenly appears in the living room. "I just wanted to make sure you all were safe. Raphael has been building interest in his cause." We all look at him. Lara walks over to him. "We're fine Cas. Why don't you stay with us tonight and we'll come up with a plan tomorrow."

Cas looks at her and nods. Bobby finally looks down at Gabby's hand and points. "Are you guys engaged too?" Gabby lets out a squeal and grabs Bobby in a tight hug. "Well I'll be! I never thought I would see the day where one of you boys got married let alone both of you!"

Lara and I head up stairs with our stuff and I hear Sam trying to get Bobby's room for him and Gabby. "Why don't you stay at Jody's tonight and Gabby and I can have your room?"

Bobby laughs loudly and slaps Sam's back. "Even if I wasn't sleeping here I wouldn't let you sleep in my bed boy. You guys would destroy it for me. I don't care if you're engaged or already married for 10 years there are just some things that aren't going to happen in my bed." And I hear Bobby walk back to the kitchen still laughing.

Lara is already in our room. She put the teddy bear in the corner and has our bags on the floor and she's sorting through what needs cleaned and putting things back in the drawers and the closet. I plop down on the bed and lay there for a moment. I did most of the driving and I'm exhausted.

After about 30 minutes Lara nudges me over and she climbs into the bed next to me. She rolls over and kisses me. "Dean?" She asks me. "Lara?" I ask back.

She laughs and kisses me again. "Dean I think I'm ready." I open my eyes and look at her. "I'm ready if that's ok with you. I think I just wanted our first time to be in our bed."

I sit up and grab her. I kiss her hard and push her back on the bed behind her and cover her with my body. "That is totally ok with me. But are you sure?" And I lean down and kiss her again.

She pulls off my shirt and throws it the ground and I pull off her tank top and help her slide out of her shorts. "I don't want to wait any longer Dean." That's all the more reassurance I need. I start too kiss her neck and she moans beneath me.

I feel a breeze and hear a flutter of wings behind me and I let out a frustrated laugh. It seems like every time we try to get together Cas or Sam has to butt in. "Not now Cas!" I yell without turning around and I lean down and start to kiss Lara again. She starts to hit at me and I look down and she looks scared. I turn around and I'm surprised at what I see. "I'm not Cas." He says stoically.

"Raphael?" I yell out.


	50. Chapter 50

Lara POV

I've never meet that man, well angel, before but he scares me. He's not like Cas. His aura is bright like an angel yes but there is something dark about him. It clings just to the edges of him. It's like his aura has been burnt. Dean stands up pulling me with him and throws me behind him but I know it won't do any good. This is an angel in front of us, not some man trying to rob us on the street. Dean said it was Raphael. He's the most powerful angel out there right now, and he's in our bedroom.

We have one bargaining chip. He needs us. Plain and simple, if he wants the apocalypse back on track he needs us. No wait that's not quite right either. He needs Sam and Dean not me. I feel myself start to shake and I cling on to Dean. I need to get a grip he needs me to be strong.

The angel in front of us is wearing some poor man's body. The man's soul is screaming out inside. He misses his family. He was a high school gym coach. He has a wife, three kids, and even a dog. He wants them back but Raphael has had him for so long that he is beginning to forget things about them. I feel bad for the man. He walks up to Dean. "I guess congratulations are in order. Marriage is still one of the few things that you humans celebrate that I can appreciate. It was a great gift my father gave you lower beings." He looks over Dean and makes eye contact with me. "Get dressed and come down stairs. If you're both not down there in 5 minutes I'm going to start to by killing Gabriella." Then he's gone.

Dean turns around and grabs me. "It's going to be ok Lara. He's not going to hurt us. He needs us." I want Dean to keep believing that. Maybe it will keep him calm. I shake my head yes pick up his t shirt I threw on the floor and hand it back to him. He puts it on. I fumble around for a minute and put my tank and shorts back on and look in the mirror. I'm pale and I'm shaking.

I turn around to see Dean staring at me. I put on a fake smile. "We have four more minutes till we have to be down there. I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I can't wait to marry you Dean." I can't let him hear my voice shake. I am pretty sure I am going to die and I want him to know that I wanted to marry him.

He smiles and walks over to me and kisses me softly on the lips and pulls me up into his arms. "I'm sorry Lara. By me asking you to marry me I've cursed you. All of our woman die. I am just so selfish. It's been a little over a week and they're already coming after you. If I was a stronger man I would have let you go a long time ago."

I laugh and pull back and look at him. "Dean this has nothing to do with you or some curse or whatever the hell you're talking about. Let's just get downstairs and see what he wants. If we're lucky we can get him out of our hair in a few minutes and we can go back to what we were doing when we were interrupted. Now no more talking about curses. I want you and I love you." I kiss him back and grab his hand and pull him behind me. I can't let him see my face right now. I did what I could to act brave and carefree but if he looks in my eyes he'll see I'm lying.

When we reach the first floor I see 10 other angels in the room. It's very crowded in here. Bobby is squished between two of them, Sam is being held back by two, Gabby is literally being held down on the floor by one, and Cas is surrounded by the other five. I can only be thankful that Jody must still be at work. This isn't going to end well. Raphael is standing in the middle of the room like nothing strange is happening around him. When he sees us he smiles. "I knew the happy couple would make it on time." He nods to the angel standing on Gabby and the angel helps her up and throws her into Sam. Sam grabs her and does a quick visual check to make sure she is alright and kisses her forehead. Bobby looks at me and tries to reassure me that everything will be alright with a nod.

Raphael looks at Dean and smirks. "I still can't believe that you two mud monkeys were able to derail all of my father's good work. But I have a way to fix all of that."

"Father is long gone Raphael and his plan was extinguished the day he left." Castiel yells at him. Raphael looks back at him and snarls. "Keep your mouth shut brother. The only reason I let you live is because I expect you to serve me faithfully once I give you your task." He focuses back on us.

He circles us like a wolf would circle his prey before attacking. I shiver and my legs start to feel weak and I fall into Dean. He puts his arms around me and pulls me close. I feel much better with his arms wrapped around me. "I don't have much time for chit chat. I plan on restarting my father's plan. Only now I have Lara back. I plan on her having the Christ child and then opening the cage when the child is old enough and restarting it. We will have a leg up this time around. Lucifer will just have Sam and no anti Christ. We will have Christ reborn and Michael's sword." Well I guess he needs me after all.

Sam starts to fight against the angels holding him. "I will never allow him to use me has a vessel again Raphael so your plan is already flawed." Raphael leaves us and walks over to him and reaches out to touch him but Sam pulls away. "Oh poor Sammy. By the time Lucifer rises you will be so tired and miserable you will beg him to take over your miserable body just so you have some peace and quiet." Then he touches his forehead and Sam collapse to the ground.

Bobby tries to pull away from the angels grabbing him. "What have you done to my boy?" He snarls at Raphael. He laughs and touches Bobby's forehead and he collapses to the ground.

I let out a shriek. "What have you done to them?" I ask while I run over to Sam who is now writhing on the floor in agony. Raphael lets out a cold chuckle. "He is just asleep. To him I took down the wall. His mind will be mince meat by the time Lucifer has risen and he will let him walk right in." I try to hold Sam down and keep him from shaking but it's just too violent. I look up and Gabby is trying to pull away and finally the angel lets her go and she collapses on the ground next to me and holds Sam. Raphael looks at her and sneers.

Dean walks over and picks me back up. "What do you want with us Raphael?" He asks nervously. Raphael nods to the angels that were holding Sam and Gabby and they flank us and pull Dean off of me. Raphael pulls out a syringe and gives us an evil smile. "This might hurt a bit Dean."

Castiel starts to fight the 5 angels holding him back. "You have no clue what you are doing Raphael! There is a reason why only Gabriel did this. He's the only one who knows how to do this successfully. That syringe is not going to work!"

Raphael looks at him and shrugs. "Luckily if I mess up I can bring him back and try again." He looks at Dean and smiles. "Hold still." He says and shoves the syringe into Dean's groin and pushes the fluid in. Dean crumbles over in pain. "Now let me inhabit your body Dean. We are going to make sure she conceives the Christ child."

Dean looks up at him and spits at his feet. "Never going to happen ass hole." Raphael raises his hand and slaps him across the face. He looks at me and laughs. He walks up to me and touches me head and I crumble at his feet in pain. "What have you done to her?" Dean croaks has he knells down next to me and brushes my cheeks.

Raphael laughs again. "Only what Cas took away. I believe she is at the last stages of AIDS right now. The pneumonia is getting really bad." The moment he says it I find it hard to breath and I feel myself start to wheeze. My throat feels like it's on fire and I look down at my arms and there are rashes forming all over them. I'm getting weaker and thinner, my body is caving in around me. My hands and feet begin to go numb and every movement I make with them it's like I'm touching pins and needles. I feel like I am withering and dying in front of him. "And I almost forgot. Didn't you cure her of HPV Cas? Oh yes but if he wouldn't have it would have let to cervical cancer. Too bad it's already at stage 4." I feel my insides start to rebel against me and the pain is almost too much to take. I feel blood start to trickle down my leg. I feel myself start to lose consciousness but something isn't letting me pass out.

Dean is still on the floor next to me and reaches out and grabs my hand. "You need her alive if you want her to carry a child ass hole." Raphael kneels next to us and touches me again and I start to cough up blood. It feels like my lungs are melting and they're coming up through my throat.

"I can keep her alive like this for centuries Dean. How long can you stand to see her in this much pain?" Then like that my legs start to contort in an unnatural position around me and they snap.

"I can handle it Dean." I say weakly. I know I can't but I don't want him to know that. I feel each rib slowly start to snap inside of me. It's slow and agonizing torture but I refuse to cry out. That's what he wants. I don't' mean to but I can't stop squeezing Dean's hand. It just hurts to so much. I look down and I see my ring. Stay strong for that Lara.

"ENOUGH!" Dean yells out! "You can do whatever you want with me. Just fix her and fix my brother." Raphael snaps his fingers and I feel myself slowly get put back together.

"I will fix her but your brother well, he is a lost cause Dean." I look over and I see Sam has stopped seizing and he is laying there motionless on the floor and Gabby is cradling his head crying.

I stand up and help Dean stand up next to me. I don't know what he shot him up with but it looks like Dean is in pain. "I can't house the Christ child Raphael. In the other path it is a virgin birth. The baby is conceived to a woman without sin. I am definitely not that woman anymore. My womb is no place for him."

Raphael starts to laugh, and it's spine tingling. He walks over to me and lifts his hands and I flinch again but he touches me anyways. "Your right but hey problem solved. You're a virgin again." I don't feel different per say but something has changed. It's like those other men and women never happened. I can remember them, all of them, but it feels like another lifetime. I look at him in shock. "You can thank me later." He says sarcastically. "Now Dean accept me in so we can impregnate her."

I don't' want that angel anywhere near me. "That won't work either Raphael. We're not married. It is a sin to have sex outside of wedlock is it not?" Raphael thinks about what I said and points to Cas.

"You, you are there friend. Join their hands in marriage and let this be done." I look at Dean and he looks at me wide eyed. "If you don't I will first kill Bobby, and Gabby and I will shove them so far in the recesses of hell you will never find them. Then I will torture Lara in front of your eyes for the rest of eternity until you agree Dean. And Lara don't think I won't torture Dean in front of you too. I can bring you both back to life over and over again until you see things my way. I can make torture last so long that you will need to invent a new word for it because the word torture will not even being to be able to describe what you are experiencing. Do you understand me?"

We're trapped. This is going to happen one way or another. He pushes us towards Cas. Dean stops and looks back at him. "Please this isn't right. Let her have an actual wedding. At least give her that. I will agree to whatever it is you want us to do. You know I will not be able to see her hurt but please give her that. Out of respect for your father who picked her just give her that one thing."

Raphael thinks for a moment and snaps his fingers. When I look down I am in a white satin dress and I look over and Dean is in a tux. It's oddly probably the one I would have picked. It's off the shoulder and the arms go down to my elbows. It's fitted down my stomach then flares down to the floor. "There that is the most I will do. You guys can do whatever you want when we're done but that's all I'm willing to give." I look at Dean and I try to smile but Raphael scares me.

"Can I please get something out of my room Raphael?" He nods at me and follows me up the stairs. I dig through my drawer and find the wedding bands and run back downstairs and stand next to Dean. I give him the small white gold band that was my mother's and show him my father's. "They were my parents I was going to surprise you at the wedding." Dean smiles and kisses me.

Raphael pushes us up to Cas and he waves his hands. Castiel looks at us pleading with us to forgive him with his eyes. "I don't know what else to do." He says quietly. He looks sick to stomach with remorse for what he's about to do. I reach out and grab his hand. "It's fine Cas. I wanted you to marry us anyways." He frowns and looks up at us.

"Dean repeat after me. I Dean take you Lara, to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness." Dean looks down at me and he actually smiles.

He leans down and whispers into my ear. "He may be forcing us to do this but I mean it." And he kisses me cheek. "I Dean take you Lara, to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness. I will love you forever Lara." He says calmly.

Cas looks at me. "Lara repeat after me. I Lara take you Dean, to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness." I look up in Dean's green eyes and all I see is love. To my surprise I am actually smiling to.

"I Lara take you Dean, to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness." I can't believe I just said those vows.

Cas looks back at Dean. "Dean do you take this woman to be your wife?" Dean kisses my forehead and grabs my hand. He looks me in the eyes and says confidently. "I do."He slides the band on till it meets my engagement ring.

Cas looks back at me and he actually doesn't look has miserable has he did when he started this process. "Lara do you take this man to be your husband?" I have never been surer about anything in my life than saying these two words. "I do." Then I slide on my father's wedding band and to be surprise it fits.

Cas gives Raphael a dirty look. "Well than the by the power vested in me by God my father I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride."

Dean slowly leans down and kisses me slowly and softly. He pulls back and smiles and then leans back down and kisses me passionately. Everything about this is wrong but it's still right. When he lets go of my lips Raphael reaches forward and pulls him back. "Now agree to let me use you as my vessel."

Before Dean can respond Cas leans forward and grabs Raphael. "This is not the way it is done Raphael. This will not work." Raphael nods to his cronies who pull Castiel back. "It will work. It may not be the way Gabriel did it but it will work. Now stay here and wait for my instructions." He sets his sights back on Dean.

Dean looks at me. "I am sorry Lara. I can't watch him hurt you again." I give him a sad smile and grab his hand. "I understand I can't watch him hurt you either. This way we at least get John."

He smiles and kisses me again. "That's true. You always find the silver lining." I smile and shrug my shoulders. "I try." I say with a smile.

Dean looks at Raphael. "Will I get my body back?" He asks. Raphael grimaces. "Once she is pregnant I will leave you two alone until I need the boy. And he will be in charge of protecting you and the child." He said pointing towards Cas.

"Will you hurt her?" Dean asks nodding towards me. Raphael looks at me and snickers. "If you both are good I will make myself scarce during. I just want to make sure you do the deed while the essence is still in you. I could care less about the process to get it done. If you are not good I will take over and it will not be pleasant for her. I can assure you that."

Dean looks at me one last time and frowns "I'll be good" and looks at Raphael. "You are welcome in Raphael." I watch Raphael's aura leave the poor man he inhabits. The man's body slumps to the floor and I can tell his mind can't take it. I watch has the man I love, the man I just married, becomes taken over by Raphael. I know what it is like to have a foreign entity take over your body and it's not something I wish on my worst enemy let alone the person I care most about in this world. Dean's eyes open and focus back on me only they aren't his eyes anymore.

"Dean?" I ask hesitantly knowing he's gone. Dean starts to laugh but it's not quite his voice. "No it's Raphael. Now come with me or I won't be nice." He extends his hand and I take it and he pulls me upstairs.


	51. Chapter 51

Dean's POV

I understand now how Lara must have felt all those years. I have never been possessed before and I have definitely never been possessed by an angel before. Is this how Jimmy felt until he died? Overwhelmed with power, unable to move, trapped in a small corner of his mind. I truly hope not. I can feel the essence of what I can only assume is God in my groin that Raphael injected me with. I have a feeling this is not what Mary went through 2,000 years ago.

It takes me awhile but I am finally aware enough to see out of my eyes. Well I guess they're still my eyes even though Raphael is steering the boat right now. He's looking at her. She looks lovely. I didn't even get the chance to tell her how lovely she looks in her wedding dress. It's simple and elegant. It suits her. I will make it up to her when this is over. I will give her the real wedding she deserves. Right now I just need to focus on keeping her safe.

I watch has Raphael uses my hand to open the bedroom door and usher Lara in. He points to the bed. "You promised Raphael!" I yell at him. His laugh surrounds me. How does an angel's laugh sound evil? Lara obediently sits on the edge of the bed.

"Can I have him back yet?" She asks him nervously. She had been so brave downstairs but I can see she is starting to crumble. I am starting to crumble myself to be honest. But I need to stay strong for her. My hand reaches out and caresses her face and she pulls back. My other hand grabs her by the hair and pulls her forward while he uses me to caress her face.

"If either of you start to defy my I will take over his body again and you both will regret it. Your time with Sam with seem like the most romantic night you have ever had after I am through with you. Do you understand Lara?" I hate hearing my voice sound so scary and menacing especially towards her.

She shakes her head and I can see her hands shaking. He closes our eyes and I feel Raphael start to switch places with me. "What I am doing for you is out of respect for my father choosing her and nothing more. Do not mistake this for an act of kindness or good will. All I want out of this is the child and you down the road to accept Michael."

"I understand. Don't think that because you are giving us this kindness I will not forget that you forced her into this position regardless Raphael. Ask your brother Zachariah. I don't take threats kindly. Oh wait, you can't, he's dead."

"One slip up mud monkey…" He threatens has he slips away to my subconscious mind and I am free of him. I have control again. I open my eyes and look down at her.

"Dean?" She asks me. I knell down in front of her. "It's me sweet heart. I'm so sorry about this."

She smiles and touches my face and pulls me to her chest. "It's fine. If we didn't do what he wanted he was going to kill Gabby and Bobby and then torture you in front of me. This I can handle, that I couldn't."

She's right. I couldn't have handled that either. This is the only way. I pull back and I look into her blue eyes. "I wanted to tell you that you look gorgeous in your wedding dress." She blushes and brings her hands up to her eyes and shakes her head. I pull them away. "You do look stunning." She smiles and kisses me. It took me an entire week at the beach to make her believe that I think she is beautiful and I have a feeling it's going to take the rest of our lives to make her feel the same way.

"You look handsome in your tux Dean. And I think I am going to get this one right, you look very James Bond. Shaken not stirred if I'm remembering correctly." I laugh and kiss her. She got her first pop culture reference. I feel Raphael start to get restless inside of me. I want to slam him back but I know if I do he will take over me again.

"Why don't we change first?" I suggest, trying to put off the inevitable as long as I can. She blushes and heads to the dresser and pulls out a night gown I have never seen. She looks at me and smiles. "Another thing that Jody made me buy."

I turn around to give her the chance to change. I don't want Raphael to see her naked, which is stupid because he is about to very soon anyways. He has stayed true to his promise though. He has made himself scarce and I don't feel him lurking in my mind. I can still feel his presence but it has recessed to the background. I take off my jacket and throw it on the ground and undo the bow tie and pull off the cummerbund he put me in I look down at my left hand and I can't believe I have a wedding band on. I'm married. I'm married to Lara. I can't believe it. I kick off the dress shoes and socks that magically appeared on my body. I untuck my shirt and start to undo the buttons when I feel Lara come up behind me and wrap her hands and around me and rest her head on my back. "Let me Dean." She says in a whisper.

I turn around and I choke on my breath for a moment. She looks stunning. Her dark brown hair is loose and cascading down her back in soft waves. She is wearing a long dark blue silk night gown with a plunging neck line. It makes the other one she had look prudish. There is a long slit that trails up her naked leg. I can tell she's nervous. Her hands are shaking has they undo the buttons to my shirt but I allow her to finish and slip the shirt of my shoulders. She may be nervous but when she looks up at me with her big blue eyes I know she's alright with this. Her eyes aren't scared or angry they are shining with love. I don't know how it is possible but they are. "You like so beautiful Lara. I love you so much." She stands up on her toes and puts her arms around my neck and pulls me down to her and kisses me.

At first it is just an innocent kiss. Just the meeting of two sets up lips but it doesn't take long to change that. I've been staring at those lips for months now and I've just started to enjoy them. I could spend the rest of my life enjoying just her lips. Even at the beach I still held back a little. I didn't want to rush her or get too carried away. I take my time. They are soft and sweet. I don't know if I have ever felt such soft and wonderful lips on mine before. I slowly deepen the kiss not wanting to make her more nervous. I know that the demons have forced her to be with plenty of other men but in the end they were rape. I want this to feel different and I guess technically Raphael did make her a virgin again making this her first time. Even if she can still remember all the others, even if she can still remember the dream world with me I think sadly. I want her to enjoy this even though Raphael is currently wearing me. I thought I would have more time to make her comfortable with this. Raphael has robbed me of being able to prepare her for this. I am going to kill him for that. She opens her mouth slightly and I slowly enter her mouth. And I thought her lips were sweet! She tastes like heaven and with an angel in me I can actually say that it's true, she does.

I'm surprised when Lara's tongue darts across my teeth and she bites down softly on my lips. We've kissed before but this is different. She's still shy but she's growing less and less with each passing second. I allow her to take what she wants from me. When I feel her legs start to grow weak I catch her and we both let out a laugh. I pick her up and carry her to the bed and slowly let her down. I take my hands and frame her face. "This isn't how our first time was supposed to be sweetheart."

She smiles and lifts her face up to mine and softly kisses me. "It's alright. In the end it's just you and me." She's right. He may be knocking around in my body somewhere but it's just her and I.

I move my hand from her face and push her hair back until it's splayed out on the pillow behind her. "If you want me to stop, just say it and I'll wait till your ready." She smiles and shakes her head. "I don't think that's an option right now Dean. It will be alright we're in the same place we were 30 minute ago when I told you I was ready." Her hands nervously start to unbutton my tux pants and she helps me slide them off along with my boxers. I softly move the straps of her night gown off her shoulders and pull it off her body then move back to her face.

I lean down once again and start the assault on her lips. I want her to be so consumed with desire that she's able to forget that he's still in here watching. I don't know if it's possible for that but I can try. I feel him start to push against me. "Hurry it along Winchester. I don't have all of eternity." I push him back and continue what I was doing.

I take my time building her up. I move to her neck and down her collar bone. I see the scar there and I stop for a moment to give it a kiss. She moans slightly beneath me and she wraps her arms around me and pulls me back up to her mouth. It took me a week at the beach but she is finally most comfortable with her scars. When I've kissed her senseless I move further down her and take her breast into my mouth. She starts to moan and buck beneath me. She's like clay beneath me. "Dean" she sighs out softly. "It's ok sweetheart just relax" I say to her has I move on to her other breast. I remember her bullet hole scar and I take a moment to kiss that has well. Her eyes open up wide, she grows tense beneath me, and she looks at me. Her hand starts to flutter to her scar and try to cover it. I move it away. I know what she's thinking. "You're so beautiful sweetheart don't try to cover yourself up." I lean down and kiss her again until she relaxes.

Raphael is getting restless. He's pushing against my mind and he's telling me to hurry. I slam him back. "Give me time! I am going to do what you want but I need time!" I snarl back at him. He subsides and falls back into my mind. She's calm again and I trail kisses down her chest to her belly button and I look up at her face. Her eyes are heavy and she's breathing heavy. I can't hold him back much longer. He's getting frustrated.

I move back up to her mouth and I kiss her lips has I use my knee to part her thighs. She opens her eyes again and I see she's nervous. "This might hurt for a moment sweetheart try and relax." I hate the idea of hurting her but if Raphael did has he said he did it will for a moment.

I lean down and kiss her while I trace my hands down her sides. I feel her shiver against me and I bring them back up to massage her breasts. She allows her pleasure to take over again and she looks at me with lidded eyes and kisses me. Her hands start to trace my back and grab into my sides. I keep one hand on her breasts and move the other down to her center. She's tight and she's wet. Her eyes start to flutter open again and I start to move my fingers hoping to lull her back to being relaxed. She relaxes and starts to move under me. I feel her nails start to lightly dig into my back and I know I won't be able to hold on much longer. I move my knee and slowly separate her legs further while I continue to move my fingers inside of her.

She looks up at me and I can see her eyes are clouded over and I've accomplished my goal. This is different than with anyone else I have been with and I know it. I usually only care about me but this is all about her and that's more rewarding than all those nights combined together.

I pull my fingers out and I slowly enter her giving her time to adjust to my size. She looks up at me and she tightens and I lean down and kiss her. "I love you." I murmur into her mouth. "I love you too." She says with a gasp. She starts to relax and I slowly start to rock into her. She catches on fast and soon we are moving as one. She's moaning and moving beneath me and I've forgotten all about the angel whose forcing me to do this. It's just her and I. I can feel she's close. I lean down and kiss her and she meets my stare. "Dean." She moans out.

"Stay with me sweetheart." I say to her as we move. She starts to moan loader and buck up against me. She moves her hands down my back to my hips and digs into my sides. "Dean!" She yells out and I feel her getting closer to the edge. Then like an eruption we both cum and collapse on her.

Just like that I feel Raphael leave my body and it's just her and I again. I roll off of her pulling her on to my chest and I leave a trail of kisses on her hairline. "I will love you forever sweetheart. It's just you and I again." I whisper into her ears. She smiles and relaxes.

"That was amazing Dean." She says lazily with a smile. I accomplished my goal regardless of that asshole wearing me. I pull her into me and kiss her forehead. "It was superb." I say to her and she smiles and closes her eyes.

At first I don't know what's going on. It feels like the bed is shaking and there is a bright light in the room like its daylight. I start to panic and I sit up as she falls down on the pillow next to me. The shaking and the light are coming from her. The whole room beings to shake and it sounds like thunder only the thunder is right there and not in the sky miles and miles away. The sound is deafening. Somehow I hear pounding on the door and Cas bursts in. I look down at Lara and her eyes are starting to burn brightly and it looks like she's having a seizure. Her whole body is shaking. Every limb is moving and she's starting to foam at the mouth a little. "What's happening?" I yell at him over the roar.

He runs to the bed and knells down and touches her forehead. Her body goes rigid and her eyes open big and her mouth opens wide as if she is going to scream. Light beams shoot out of her mouth and eyes. I have to look away it is so bright. It slowly dims and I open my eyes again and she is passed out next to me. Cas continues to pet her forehead. "The seed has taken root Dean." He looks up at me and his eyes are full of fear.

"What's wrong Cas?" I stutter out has I lean over her checking her for wounds. I've never seen him this worried before. Not even downstairs when 5 angels we're holding him back. He grabs my arm. "It's a lot on her Dean. I think she will be ok. I mean she was created for this. It shouldn't have been that violent but I told him he did it wrong. Gabriel was the only angel trained to do this. When this happened to Mary it was so mild. I'm pretty sure the entire town heard what happened in here."

I reach down to the side of the bed and pull on my boxers and stand up. "Where is he? I am going to fucking kill him." Cas looks back at the door and I see Raphael standing there. I lunge at him and he puts his arm and up and I fall back.

"Cas you are in charge of protecting them. Make sure that child is born and keep Dean alive." He looks at me and cocks his head to the side and laughs. "That was fun. We'll have to do it again sometime."

I try to lunge at him again and he puts his arm up and I slam against the wall and slide down it. He walks over to me and puts his hands around my neck and lifts me up until I am looking at him level in the eyes. "Raise the child and know if anything happens to him I will take it out on her." He says pointing towards Lara who is still passed out on the bed. "Once he is born I do not need her anymore. If something happens to him I will make you watch has I slowly kill your wife in front of you." He drops me and I slump to the floor. When I look back up he's gone.

I crawl to the bed and climb back in and look down at her. "Cas is she going to survive?" He looks at me and for the first time since I have known him I see tears in his eyes. "I hope so Dean."

a/n so I may have practiced a love scene on previous chapters but this is a bit out of my realm but I felt they deserved to have one… so I'm totally sorry if it was horrid.


	52. Chapter 52

Bobby's POV

It's been a week since Raphael swooped into my house and wracked havoc in our lives. Neither Sam nor Lara have woken up yet. I can't tell which is worse. Her just laying there so still with the occasional jolt of grace or him constantly twitching and screaming out. Cas and Gabby helped me get Sam into my bed on the lower floor. We decided it was best to keep him far away from Lara incase his screaming upset her. Now I'm beginning to wonder if it would help snap her out of it.

Jody was able to steal some IV equipment from an ambulance and we have them both set up to be feed intravenously. Cas said it was especially important for Lara because the child would be draining her energy quicker. Jody has called in some vacation time at work and has been staying here helping me take care of them.

Dean hasn't moved from Lara's bedside since that night. He blames himself like he always does when something like this happens. If I didn't know she has been sleeping for 7 days I wouldn't be concerned just looking at her. She looks calm and at peace. The only indication that something is amiss is that every so often her body will jolt and her eyes will open and light comes pouring out of them. Then her eyes close and it was like nothing happened. She just goes back to being calm. Cas is constantly sitting on the bed with his hands on her stomach trying to understand the child. He keeps muttering that something is wrong but he can't tell what yet. He told us that Mary had none of these symptoms. Her pregnancy was almost perfect he claims. That just makes Dean more nervous. I worry about his health now as well. He barely sleeps and he barely eats. He just sits next to the bed waiting for her to wake up. His body usually forces him to sleep for about 2 hours than he wakes up and continues his vigil. Cas has tried to get him to sleep saying he would stand guard but Dean refuses. Even Cas looks tired if that's possible for an angel.

We learned quickly that Lara and the child could take care of themselves. A high level demon working for Crowley broke into the house trying to find Lara. Gabby, Jody and I were trying to keep Sam from snapping his back at the time and didn't notice it slip in through the front door. It snuck into Lara's room on the rare occasion that Dean was asleep. Cas was sitting on the bed talking to the child like he normally does and was in such deep concentration communicating with the baby that he didn't notice the demon until it was to close. Dean woke up has Lara's body filled the room with grace and literally incinerated the demon and its host. Cas said that the baby will be able to protect itself from attacks and that we didn't need to worry about him or Lara while she was pregnant. Of course Dean refuses to listen to Cas.

Gabby has been keeping a constant watch over Sam and I feel horrible for her. We are not sure what to do with him. He is never still. He is constantly twitching or lashing out. The screams are by the far the worst. I have never heard a scream that sounds like this. The terror and the pain it contains will haunt my dreams forever. Gabby and I had to hold him down while he was lashing out in fear he will snap his neck. Jody recently acquired us a bed from a mental hospital that has straps on. I'm not going to ask how she got it but thank god she did. The straps have kept him from harming himself or breaking any bones. When he's not thrashing around Gabby is rubbing him down with ointments to help with the bruising from the straps. His poor body is black and blue. He is becoming so thin. Is cheek bones are becoming extremely prominent and I swear every time I look at him he looks thinner. She tries to work out the stress knots that have formed all over his body but it's impossible to keep up. His body is constantly contorted in the most impossible positions. His fingers have curled into his hands and they look like gnarled stomps. We recently had to put a bite strap in his mouth because we think he may have broken a tooth from the stress of him clenching his jaw. We lifted his eye lids and he's busted a lot of capillaries in his eyes. We have to change his sheets every few hours because he soaks through them. Gabby is constantly sponge bathing him trying to keep him cool. She's given up on trying to keep him clothed because he just soaks them instantly and just keeps a sheet wrapped around his lower half.

I walk into my room and I see Gabby trying to uncurl his hands. He hasn't had a fit in about two hours and we are going to need to tie him down soon because he's due. She had been working on his shoulders when I was last in here and she unstrapped him. I walk over to Gabby and put my hand on her shoulder. "We should tie him down honey. He's going to erupt soon. Why don't you take a nap and I'll try to get his hands open." She looks at me and shakes her head. She helps me put the straps down on him and points to the tennis balls on the night stand. "Once you get his fingers open put that in his palm before he shuts them again. His palms are starting to bleed from his nails digging in." I look down at his hands and sure enough they are covered in blood.

I hear her collapse on the couch outside the room and I hope she can sleep. I massage his hands trying to relax the muscles enough to open up and I finally get his left hand open. Before he can squeeze them tight again I quickly put some Neosporin down with some gauze and shove the tennis ball in his palm. The fingers quickly curl back in and it's like a vice grip on the ball. I am going to kill Raphael the when I get the chance for doing this to my boy.

He starts to groan. That means he's about to have another fit. I make sure the biting strap is secure and stand back from the bed. The fit lasts for about 30 minutes. He sounds like a captured lion in the wild being slaughtered. It hurts too much to listen and see it. I walk outside the room and shut the door behind me and lean against it. I look over and see Gabby sobbing on the couch with her head in Jody's lap. Jody makes eye contact with me and I have to look away or I'll end up like Gabby.

Cas comes stumbling down the stairs and collapses in the arm chair. He looks at me and tries to smile. "Dean is going to kill me but his body was falling apart. I knocked him out. He should wake up in about 8 hours. I left him in bed with her though." He looks at the door and his weak smile fades. " I don't have the power to put the wall back up."

"Cas you need to rest. You look like shit." I tell him bluntly. He would do the same for me. He looks at me and snickers. "I'm an angel Bobby I don't need rest."

"You may not but your body does. Take the spare room and rest for a bit it will do you good."He shrugs his shoulders and sighs. I lay down on the cot we have set up downstairs with the intention of resting my eyes for just a moment. We are all exhausted.

I wake up what must be 8 hours later because Dean is screaming like a banshee. "You had no right to knock me out Cas! What if she had woken up and I was still asleep!" I don't hear Cas' response but it must have calmed Dean down because I don't hear anymore yelling. Jody is sound asleep on the couch and I see Gabby cooking in the kitchen. I get up and walk in and see she is cooking all kinds of meats. I start to tell her to take them outside then I remember Lara isn't awake to smell them.

She doesn't look back but keeps putting them on the skillet. "I was hoping the smell would wake her up. I know she hates the smell so I thought it could snap her out of it." Her shoulders slump and I hear her catch a sob. "They're not going to be alright are they Bobby." She doesn't say it has a question but has a statement. I catch her staring at her engagement ring.

I sit down at the table and she puts a steak on my plate and puts in front of me. I might has well eat. The smell of cooking must have woken Jody because she comes in yawning and has one too. We're eating in silence when we start to hear murmuring. We were used to Sam screaming but not mumbling. Gabby quickly stands up and runs out of the room into Sam's room and I'm not far behind.

His eyes are open they are bloodshot but they're open for the first time in 7 days. His body has relaxed slightly and the tennis ball is laying next to the bed. "Gabriella." He mumbles softly. She runs over to his gurney and puts her hand on his forehead. His hair is slicked to his head from the sweat. "Gabriella what's happening." He mumbles in pain.

She leans down and kisses his forehead. "Raphael took down the wall in your head. You've been asleep for week. How are you feeling?"

He groans and his eyes shut again. I hold my breath hoping they will open and they slowly do. "I can remember everything." He mumbles and tries to move his hands. She quickly unlocks the straps and helps him sit up while she lifts the bed. "Where's Dean?" He asks looking around the room.

I run out of the room and yell up the stairs. "Dean, Sam is awake get your ass down here!" Dean comes running down the stairs and slides into my room to see Sam.

Sam screams out and brings his hands to his head in pain then slowly drops them and looks around the room. "It's too much, just too much." Is all he can say. Dean walks over to Gabby and looks down at his brother. "Nothing you can't beat Sammy." He says trying to be upbeat and cocky like his old self. Sam tries to smile but it looks too forced. He tries to stand up and Dean pushes him back down. "Rest a bit longer Sam." Sam doesn't fight him and falls back into the pillows Gabby had put behind him.

Jody comes in with a bowl of chicken broth and hands it to Gabby to try and feed him. "Are you hungry?" Gabby asks quietly. He shakes his head slightly and she spoon feeds him a few spoon full's of broth. After a few he shakes his head no and she puts the bowl down. "Just tell me if you want more." He shakes his head weakly and Gabby grabs his hand.

Dean, Jody, and I leave the room and allow Gabby to take care of Sam. She needs it just as much as he does. I leave the door open a crack and turn around to see him seizing up in pain but he stays awake.

Dean's POV

Why won't she wake up? Sam is awake. He is not lucid or in any way shape or form connected with reality but he is awake but Lara isn't yet. She looks so calm lying there though, minus the tube going through her nose into her stomach trying to keep up with the nutrient intake she needs.

I leave the room for a moment and start to draw the bath. Every day I do the same thing. I move her around massaging her muscles. She wasn't locking up like Sam but the jolts on her body have to hurt somewhat. After that I sit there all day holding her hand or petting her head. In the evening I bath her and change her. Then I crawl into bed next to her and pretend to attempt to sleep. In reality I just lay there listening to her breath just happy she is alive.

The tub is full and I go back into the room to see Lara lying there peacefully still and I pick her up in my arms and carry her into the bathroom. She doesn't make a sound. Her body flops around like a doll in my arms. I hold her in my lap while I sit on the toilet to undress her and slowly lower her into the water. This is the one time a day that she makes any reaction. She gets a slight smile on her face. I know she enjoys how baths feel so I can only assume she senses that she is in one.

I should never have let things go this far. The third night together when she ran out of the house because of some stupid comment I made about Cas making us watch her I should have told her to leave. I knew then that I liked her and I didn't want her to leave but I should have known it would always end up like this. I should have said you're right you are a burden and found somewhere safe for her. But I couldn't. I didn't want her to leave. I wanted her to stay with me so I could just be around her.

There were plenty of other times I should have insisted that she leave. The night I almost killed her I shouldn't have listened to her and left. If I wasn't with her none of this could have happened to her. But instead I let my selfish need to be with her overrule what I inherently knew. That I was no good for her. That because of me something horrible would happen to her. And now it has and I have to live with the fact that it's my fault because I wasn't strong enough to push her away. To push her to safety.

After about twenty minutes I pull her out of the tub and dry her off. I put her in fresh clothes. I know she likes my old t shirts so I've been keeping her in them. I pick her up and carry her back to bed reattaching the feeding tube. Cas is in the corner of the room looking out the window. Ever since the break in he has been checking the perimeter of the house a lot more. I know that Cas says that the baby can defend itself and as long has Lara is pregnant she will be safe to but I still worry. I should have been awake and I should have killed that creature before it even got close enough to see her.

Her stomach is starting to grow. I don't think that it's normal to show this soon. It's only been like nine days. Cas told me that the baby is growing on its own schedule and that I shouldn't worry but how can I not. Her stomach is already slightly swollen. Cas looks at me as I tuck her into bed. "I am going to get some food. Can you stay with her while I'm gone?" Cas shakes his head and takes a seat next to her.

I run down the stairs hoping to eat fast. It's late but I know that Jody put some leftovers in the fridge for me. I'm surprised to see Bobby sitting up at the table drinking scotch when I come down. Jody is sound asleep on the couch and Gabby has been sleeping on Bobby's bed next to Sam's hospital bed.

Bobby looks up at me as I enter the kitchen and he pours me a glass. I drink it in one gulp and turn to the fridge to pull out the pork chop and baked potato that Jody saved for me. I don't want to waste time heating it so I pull out a fork and knife and decide to eat it cold. I look up at Bobby and he takes another shot. "Bobby do you think I should send Lara away when she wakes up?"

Bobby gives me a really confused look. "What do you mean send her away?" I frown and look down at my food. "Send her somewhere safe that is far away from me. I messed up Bobby. I should have forced her to leave us a long time ago for her safety."

Bobby gives me a very dark and dangerous look. "I am only going to say this once boy so listen well. I know you. You are like a son to me and I know how you think. You blame yourself for everything. This here isn't your fault. You love that girl and by some miracle that girl loves you. Don't be stupid and try to send her away because you will ruin it. When she wakes up you thank your stars that she does and spend every day like it is your last one with her. When she wakes up you two live your life like none of this happened. We have years to try and figure away to save you, Sam, and John. Don't be a dumbass and run away from this. Like I said I know you and if you leave her or send her away it will destroy you." He gives me a devious smile. "That is if I don't destroy you first for breaking my nieces, and now your wife's, hea..."

The room goes still. Bobby stops mid word and is just staring at me unmoving. I jump up and look around and I see Cas standing at the door to the kitchen. "You said you would stay with her Cas. What are you doing down here?" He walks over to me without saying anything and puts his hand on my forehead.

When I open my eyes again we are back at the house where I found Lara in her cell. "What are we doing here Cas?" He gives me a stern look. "You think that it would have been better for her never to have met you so I am showing you what would have happened. Right now this is what would have happened to her if you never found and saved her that day."

I look over at cell 6 and Lara is curled up in a ball coughing up blood. I try to run over to her but Cas grabs me. She looks so weak, thin, and dirty. Her clothes are just rags barely clinging to her body. Her hair has fallen out in clumps and her cheeks are so pale and gray. "If you never saved her she would have gotten very ill. They would have used her body until it could no longer function. Then they let her lay in her cell to die. But she wasn't dying fast enough." He hits my forehead again and we are outside the house in the backyard and someone is carrying Lara's body out to a hole. She's too weak to fight him off and her attempts to cough are painful to hear. He stops over the hole snaps her neck and drops her in. I stand there in shock. Cas looks at me. "They kill her and put her in an unmarked grave Dean. That is how much better she would have been without you." He touches my forehead again.

I open my eyes we are in a back alley. Lara is digging through a garbage can before she heads out to the street. Cas stays silent beside me has we follow her out to the street. She stands there nervous and quiet for about 30 minutes before a car pulls up next to her. "How much?" A voice asks from the car. I lurch forward to attack the driver but Cas pulls me back. "two hundred" Lara says. Is this what happens?

The man in the car starts to laugh. "75." He says. I want to kill him and grab her and get her out of here. She looks down at her hands and back at him. "125 but you pay for a hotel room for me to clean up after." The man must have agreed because she got in the car.

Cas touches me again and we are in a hotel room. It's just Lara and she is wrapped in a towel sitting in the bed. She keeps picking up the phone and hanging it up without dialing. Finally she picks it up and dials a number and holds the phone to her ear putting her hand over the receiver. I hear myself on the other side. "Hello? Hello? Hello? Is someone there? I can hear you breathing." Lara starts to cry. "Lara is that you? Where are you?" She puts the phone down back on the receiver and curls into a ball on the bed and cries.

Before I can go over to her we are in a hospital room. Lara is lying in a bed with tubes and wires coming out of her. Cas grabs my arm and drags me over to her. Her eyes are closed and her breathing is laborious. "That night that she ran out of the house thinking you were forced to watch her. You ran after her and convinced her to stay. If you had agreed with her and said that she was right that she was interrupting your life things would have been different you would have brought her back to Bobby's and told her that you would find her a suitable place to stay safe until all of this was over. She would have felt guilty and when you weren't looking she would have packed a bag, stolen about 200 bucks of which she would have sent you back in the mail a few months later by doing horrible things with her body, and ran away. You never would have found her and since I had branded her ribs I couldn't find her either. It doesn't go well for her. She ends up selling her body for food and money because it's the only thing she knows how to do. She starts drinking energy drinks to stay awake and soon after starts taking drugs to stay awake. The nightmares are too much for her. Then one day she starts to feel sick and she doesn't get better. She collapses on the street and luckily someone calls 911 and they take her to the hospital. They make her has comfortable has they can but she is too sick and she dies."

He touches me forehead one last time and I open my eyes and she's in front of me and her eyes are black. "If you left for her safety that night you almost killed her she would have been taken by Crowley and he would have opened purgatory and worn her body for the rest of eternity. She would have been stuck in that horrible dream world that he created for her and she would have been just has miserable."

Then we are back at Bobby's house. Cas pushes me into the chair I had been occupying. "If you leave her even for all the right reasons it ends badly. You need to stay with her and keep her safe. You need to let her keep you safe. I only showed you what happened to her. You don't end up much better Dean. You die young and alone in all three scenarios. So get your shit together. I don't want to have to do this again." Then he's gone and Bobby starts to move again and the world restarts.

Bobby slams his fist down on the table. "Did you hear me boy?" He yells at me. I try to think back to what Bobby had just said. He's right. I don't know what the hell I was or am thinking. It would destroy me to never see her again. I give him a weak smile. "Thanks Bobby I needed that." I can't believe what would have happened to her if I did what my instincts said instead of my heart. I can't think about it, she's my wife now. I can't think like that anymore. Regardless of what happened she needs me now. The baby is going to need me now. And I am going to have to work harder than ever to not fuck this up like I fuck everything else up.

Lara's POV

I know I'm asleep but I can't seem to wake up. I'm so tired and my body is trying to adjust for the baby. It's too much. Raphael did something wrong.

I can feel Dean next to me. He hasn't left my side since my mind and body have been forced into this sleeping world. It is dreamless though, that is a blessing. I can sense what is going on around me and I can hear things near my body but I can't seem to wake up.

The essence in my womb is not calm or happy. It, no he, can sense something is wrong. He's confused and I think he might be scared. This isn't what he was expecting. I try to reach him and sooth him and let him know his mommy is here and will take care of him but I can't seem to get to him. There's a thin veil separating us and I'm not sure what it is. Whatever it is it's keeping me in this sleeping coma. When he's really scared he accidently shoots out his grace, or that is what I assume it is, and it floods my body. It scares me but I try not to show it so he doesn't get more anxious. When the demon got into my room I could sense and smell him. So could my baby and he flared out his grace and killed it. I didn't think my body could hold the power that he was forcing out of me but somehow I did.

I feel him reaching for me. "John sweetie it's alright now baby. Just relax. Nothing is going to hurt you." I say trying to comfort him. His anxiety rises and I feel my body fill with his grace again and it shoots out of my eyes. I feel my back lift off the bed then quickly fall back down.

Dean is immediately at my side stroking my face. He's worried about me. I wish I could tell him I'm fine. I'm just adjusting, making room for our baby. His nervous energy is making John nervous. He can feel it pulsating through Dean's hands into my body. "It's just Daddy John. No need to be frightened. He's just worried about us." I say calmly. He starts to flare out his grace again but he catches it before it can release. He heard me.

"This isn't right." A voice says in my head. It must be him.

"I know it isn't honey but I don't know how to fix it." I don't want him to be afraid but I don't know what is wrong.

"Wake up mommy. Tell Castiel he needs to find who can. He'll know what to do." I'm about to tell him I can't wake up but he floods my body with his energy and I feel myself start to radiate to life again.

It's slow. I feel myself gain control of my toes first. It moves up my legs until I can twitch my calves. It comes up my legs through my chest out my arms to my fingers and I can finally move my neck. I slowly open my eyes testing my body. I look out and I see Dean standing over me nervously. I smile at him. "I'm awake now Dean." I say softly.

He collapses on the ground next the bed and lays his head on my chest. "Thank God" he mutters into my chest. He is crying into my chest. Now I know how worried he truly has been, Dean Winchester doesn't cry. I lethargically move my hand to his head and run my fingers through his hair. "I need you to get Cas for me Dean." I say slowly. My tongue still feels heavy.

Dean rolls his head and looks at me. His eyes are red and there are a few tears still clinging to them while the others have dripped down his face. He nods his head and stands up and walks to the door. "Cas she's awake and asking for you." He says down the stairs. Dean walks back and sits on the bed and grabs my hand. I try to pull him closer but my body isn't responding yet. It's still waking up. He understands what I want and leans down and softly kisses me.

Cas runs into the room and I smile at him. He runs to my side and puts a hand on my stomach. "How is the child?" He asks me nervously.

I slowly lift my hand and drop it over his. "He's scared Cas. Something is wrong. He told me to tell you to find who can fix it and that you would know what to do."

Dean pulls me into him and squeezes me. "What do you mean he's scared Lara? Is he ok?"

I move my neck up to look at him. I don't think I've ever appreciated every muscle in my body more than right now. "Our baby is fine for now Dean. There is just something wrong and it's making him scared. That is why I have been sleeping so long. My body is trying to adjust to this mystery factor. The reason I kept jolting and shooting light out of my eyes is because when our child get's scared he flares his grace trying to push out anything evil. He's confused that's all."

Dean places his hand on my abdomen and I smile. John likes it and I feel happiness radiate through me. "He likes you touching him Dean. Keep your hand there. It's making him happy and calm." Dean's face lights up and he studies my stomach. I can tell while I've been asleep he hasn't thought about the child sharing my body. He's been too worried thinking about me.

I still feel lethargic but I am slowly getting more movement back. I look at Cas and he's deep in thought. "Do you know who you need to find Cas?" I ask him praying that he does.

He slowly shakes his head. "I know who I need to find. I just don't know if I can find him. I am going to send out some inquiries but I can't leave you, not when he's in you."

I shake my head no. "Cas we will be safe. You find who he needs. He wants you to find him and not stay here. Dean will protect us just fine. Go and find him." Cas looks at me and for a moment I think he's listening to someone else. Then he disappears in front of us.

Dean kisses the top of my head. "I will take care of you. No one is going to take you again. Do you need anything? You've been asleep for eleven days."

I stroke my stomach and gauge my limbs. "I want to get up. Maybe take a bath and then go sit on the couch." He smiles and moves from behind me.

"I'll go draw you one than we can head downstairs and get you some dinner. Anything you want?" I look down at my stomach and wait. I look back at Dean and smile. "Cheese pizza." I say with a laugh.

a/n I hope you are all still enjoying it and not getting bored with it.


	53. Chapter 53

Dean's POV

It has been such a blur. Everything is happening so fast and slow at the same time. The supernatural world has left us alone at least. I don't know if they are allowing us to heal of if they are too afraid of our child growing in Lara. Cas has been gone for two months. I have no clue who he is looking for but I can only hope he's looking and not dead.

Our child is growing too fast. According to the baby books that Jody got Lara she shouldn't be showing but she's showing, showing more every day. John still get's afraid and sends waves of grace through her. Sometimes she'll be sound asleep in my arms and then she'll jolt shooting light out of her eyes and when he's very afraid her eyes and mouth. It never hurts me but it sure has hell scares the shit out of me. She tells me everything is alright that he's just protecting himself but it makes me scared. What is he protecting himself from?

Sam isn't doing well. He's awake. That is a feat I suppose but that's about all he is. He is a mess. We can't let him leave the house in case he breaks down. Gabby, Lara, Sam, and I tried going to the grocery store together and Sam fell apart in the parking lot. He was screaming about Lucifer and Michael like they were right there in front of us. He started attacking a light post saying it was Lucifer. He broke his hand on the post. Gabby and I got him settled down and back in the car. Lara stayed away afraid John would do something.

Bobby had given up his room to Gabby and Sam and slept in Sam's old room but he's back with Jody downstairs. It's not safe for Gabby to share a bed with Sam anymore. He wakes up at all hours of the night thrashing around. Twice he's thought she was Lucifer and tried to shoot her. Thank god we had already taken all the bullets out of every gun in the house that isn't attached to Bobby, Lara, or me. If we hadn't of taken the bullets out I am afraid to think of what would have happened to Gabby. Three times he thought she was Lucifer and feel apart like a child begging for mercy. It took me three hours to get him calm enough to stop screaming. On numerous occasions I would come downstairs to see her sitting at breakfast with a bag of ice on her most recent bruise courtesy of Sam thinking she was Lucifer. Once he thought she was Lucifer and tried to stab her. Lucky she was able to grab his arm and I was downstairs getting something to eat for Lara and I could pull him away. I finally put a stop to it and told her they weren't allowed to share a bed anymore. He's lost all touch with reality. But she can't leave him alone either. He has his old bed back and she sleeps on the floor on a sleeping bag. He's tried killing himself six times now. We don't know if it's accident or "Lucifer" pushing him to do it.

He has good moments though. Just yesterday Sam and Gabby were able to go on a walk together around Bobby's property without him getting confused once. Bobby followed at a decent distance back just to make sure but he was fine. He held her hand and even managed to smile. She stays though. I've heard him telling her numerous times that she can leave that she should leave but she won't leave his side.

Last week I told her she could leave and no one would blame her. She slapped me right across the face and said. "If that was Lara in there would you leave?" Of course I said no. Then she said. "If it was reversed and it was me do you think your brother would leave me?" I had to agree with her there again. Then she got real quiet and said. "I promised to marry him. That means for better or for worse and this is just part of the worse. I'm not leaving him or giving up on him." She's a tough girl.

We're still in bed. It's early only 9 and Lara is nestled into my side. I feel her body start to jolt and I quickly put my hand on her stomach. "It's ok John everything is alright. You're mommy and I are right here." Her body starts to relax and nothing happens. I must have calmed him down. She starts to move and stretches out. She looks at me and smiles.

"He's ok now. He knows you're watching over us. He just gets nervous sometimes that you're not there." I lean down and kiss her and she kisses me back. She lets out a gasp and grabs her stomach. I pull back frantically and look at her. "It's nothing he's just kicking. He's excited that I am happy." She rubs her stomach trying to calm him down.

I put my hands over hers and still them. "You shouldn't be this big yet and you definitely shouldn't be feeling him kicking around yet." She doesn't look ill. She looks like a normal pregnant woman but it's all going too fast.

She shrugs her shoulders. "He's not a normal child Dean. How are we supposed to know how fast things should or shouldn't go? I'm really hungry though. Do you think we could go to IHOP I really want pancakes? Like a lot of pancakes." She says with a laugh. Jody thinks that because the baby is growing so much faster Lara needs to eat more and her appetite seems to agree with that idea because she eats all the time.

"I'm going to check on Sam why don't you get dressed and we'll head out and get you has many pancakes as you want." I get out of bed and throw on a pair of jeans and turn around to kiss her before she gets out of bed. "I love you Lara."

"I love you too. Now go check on your brother." She says shooing me out of the room. I open the door and do a quick check to make sure she's ok and smile. I never thought I would like a life like this. I used to laugh at the poor guys who got roped into marriage. Who would have thought I would have a wife, a pregnant wife at that, and love it too? I laugh at the idea as I walk down the hall and look in on Gabby and Sam.

Sam is awake and huddled into the corner of his room and Gabby is knelling in front of him trying to bring him back to reality. "Sam. Sam focus on me. Yea that's right baby look in my eyes. Calm down, you know that isn't real." I walk in behind her and put my hand on her shoulder and she moves back and I knell in front of my brother.

"This isn't real Dean. You and Gabriella aren't real. It's just a trick." He says quietly mumbling like a crazy man. I look back at Gabby and I can tell she's about to cry. I grab his arm and pull him up to his feet. He stands up on shaky feet and meets my stare. He doesn't look like Sammy. His eyes are still bloodshot and he's still thin. The bruising on his body has faded away but there are scabs and cuts all over him.

"Sam what is it going to take for you to believe us that this is real?" I am at my wits end with him. I don't know how to fix him. I always knew how to fix my little brother before. When he was a baby if he had a cold I'd get him medicine. If he had the flu I'd help him throw up. When he grew into a child if he wanted to read something or a toy I'd steal it for him. When he fell and had a cut that was too deep I'd stitch it up. Then has a teenager if he wanted to talk to a girl I taught him. When he broke his first bone I put it in a splint and got him to the hospital. When he dislocated his shoulder I popped it back into place. When he was an adult and died I knew how to fix that too. But this I have no idea how to help him.

"Pain." He says quietly. Pain? What the hell does he mean by pain? "I have to feel that it's real." I pull the knife out of my back pocket and grab his arm and drag it down his forearm. He looks at me and grabs my hand. "Thank you." He whispers and tries to take my blade.

"Sam you can't cut yourself every time you get confused. You'll bleed out." He has a wild look in his eyes. Like a man possessed. He actually laughs. I slowly put the blade in my back pocket. "I won't have too forever. Just until I know it's real."

I let go of him turn around and stop in front of Gabby. "Make sure he doesn't bleed himself to death and keep all knives away from him unless you are wielding it. I am going to take Lara out for some breakfast call me if you need anything. Even if it's just to tell me you're upset." She looks exhausted. She puts her hand on her forehead and shakes her head and lets out a tired sigh.

Before I leave she grabs my arm. "I still love him. He has to come back." I pull her to me and give her a tight hug. "He will Gabby don't worry. We Winchester boys are hard headed. Sometimes it takes awhile but we always come back." She just stays there a minute then pushes herself back and walks back to Sam and escorts him to sit back in his bed.

"Dean!" I hear Lara screaming frantically from the bathroom. "Dean, I ne…" then the house starts to shake. I run into the bathroom and yank open the door. Lara is standing in front of the sink naked and wet with grace pouring out of her eyes and mouth and it's not slowing down. I quickly get down on my knees and rub her stomach.

"John honey it's Daddy. You need to calm down buddy. You're scaring mommy." The light starts to dim coming out of her. "That's a good boy. That's daddy's brave little guy. Just relax. I'm right here." Once the light stops coming all together I feel Lara start to fall and I quickly catch her and carry her back to our bed.

Gabby meets me in the hallway. "Is she ok?" I shake my head yes. "John was scared by something. Everything is fine." I hear Sam start to scream out behind her. "Be with him. We'll be fine." Gabby reluctantly turns around and heads back to Sam is clutching his head in pain.

I lay Lara out on the bed and cover her with a throw blanket that she likes to cuddle up with when she naps during the day. Her eyes slowly open and she looks at my frantically. "How did I get in here?"

I rub her stomach so John doesn't get anxious now that she's confused. "John got scared in the bathroom and I calmed him down. You fainted and I carried you in here. What happened?"

She pulls back the blanket. "Look at my stomach Dean." I look at it I don't see anything wrong. Well besides the obvious that it's too big for 2 months. She can tell I don't see what she sees. She starts to roll over to her side. "Look at my back Dean!" I look at her back and nothing is wrong. Her skin looks fine and soft. Wait a minute. Where are her scars? My hand stops touching her back and she rolls back on her back. "They're gone. All of them are gone."

I quickly check her body. I know where all her scars are and just like she said they are all gone. She looks nervous. "Don't worry about it Lara. It makes sense. I have been reading the new Testament trying to get an idea of what we're in for and well Christ is a healer. All of his grace coursing through you probably healed all of your old wounds."

She relaxes and gives me a crocked smile. "Did you say you have been reading?" Damn she caught me. I start to turn red. "I just wanted to know if there was anything in there about what we should be expecting that's all."

She pushes herself up and kisses me. "I think it's very sweet." I kiss her back. "I think you're very sweet." She laughs and lays back down on the pillows.

"Do you think John would get kick you too much if I made you even happier than earlier this morning?" I ask with a wink. She looks to lovely laying there for me not to try and push my luck.

Her hand flutters to her stomach and stays there a moment. "He's sound asleep he won't know anything is going on at all."

I take that has a yes and cover her with my body being careful of our little guy in her stomach. "Well that's good because I don't think he should know all the devious things I'm about to do to his mommy." She laughs and pushes me off of her and quickly jumps on top of me. "Or what I'm about to do to his daddy." She leans down and kisses me.

An hour or so later we are getting ready to leave and Lara has a nice recently been loved flush about her skin. I can't seem to stop kissing her even though I just had her. She can't seem to find anything to wear but luckily Jody picked up a bunch of maternity clothes in all different sizes since we never know what size she is going to be when she wakes up. She finally finds something that fits and we head downstairs.

Bobby is sitting on the couch looking fidgety and when we take the final stair he jumps up and walks over to us and gives Lara a kiss on the cheek. "How are my niece and my little great nephew doing today?'

Lara smiles and rubs her stomach. "Your niece is fine and your grandson is sleeping." Bobby notices the change in terms and beams at her and gives her another kiss on the cheek. "How long you guys going to be gone for?" He asks me.

I shrug my shoulders. "An hour or two. Lara is starving so better make it two." She lightly elbows me in the stomach and laughs.

Bobby hands me a piece of paper. "Meet me at this address when you're done." I look at the paper I don't recognize the address. "Where is this?" I ask him confused.

He gives me an exasperated look and responds. "It's the house behind Jody's. Just be there when you're done eating." Then he turns around and leaves the house. I look at Lara and we both shrug our shoulders and head out the door.

We get to the IHOP in record time because Lara keeps hiccupping. I now know that when she hiccups she's hungry and I don't want her to be hungry. We get seated quickly and our waitress comes to the table. "So what can I get you guys to drink?" She asks us kindly.

"A coke." I say. Lara looks at her menu for a moment. "A water, a cranberry juice, an orange juice, and an apple juice please." I look at her wide eyed and she shrugs her shoulder. "What the water and the cranberry are for me and he wants the orange and the apple." I laugh and the waitress looks down at Lara.

"How far are you along hun?" She asks genuinely interested. Lara looks at me a bit nervous. I know she can't say 2 months. She looks at the waitress and smiles. "A few months along now but it's going so fast." The waitress smiles and gives Lara a pat on the shoulder and goes to get our drinks.

She comes back and drops off all of the drinks and puts down a side of toast. "When I was pregnant with my boy I always wished the waitress would bring me food while I was waiting because I was starving. So eat up." Lara looks happy and starts to eat her toast. "So what will you guys be having?"

"I'll take the pancakes breakfast with white toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, and the hash browns." I prefer Lara's breakfasts but I don't want to ask her to cook for me right now while she's pregnant.

Lara looks at me and gives me a strange smile and looks up at the waitress. "I'll take the Cinastack, the harvest nut and banana pancakes, and then a Belgium waffle with strawberry topping please. Oh and two scrambled eggs." The waitress laughs and heads back to the kitchen. "I think Jody is right Dean. Since he is growing so fast I can't seem to eat enough. I'm starving."

I look at her and she's probably right. She hasn't gained any weight anywhere except her stomach. She looks gorgeous though. I've heard that pregnant woman have a glow and she is definitely glowing. I would say she is radiant. I haven't been able to keep my hands off her since she woke up. "Sorry I made you wait so long for food this morning."

She giggles and grabs my hand. "It was well worth it." She nibbles on the toast and we wait for our breakfast to come. I'm pretty sure our waitress put a rush on it because she comes out of the kitchen quickly and puts it down in front of us. "If you need anything else just holler." She says looking at Lara. Lara shakes her head and starts to eat.

I've never meet anyone who could eat as much as me and this morning she far surpassed my eating abilities. When she's done she looks at me and blushes. "Sorry I know I ate like a pig." I lean across the table and kiss her. "You need to eat. You're pregnant. Do you need more?" She rubs her stomach for a moment and shakes her head no.

She looks at my excitingly and brings my hand to her stomach. "Do you feel him?" She asks me happily. I keep my hand there a moment and I feel soft kicks hitting my hand. I look over at her and she's smiling.

"Does it hurt?" I ask her worried that she's in pain. She laughs and shakes her head no. "It feels a little strange but it doesn't hurt." I relax. I don't like the idea that she would be hurting. It was incredible though to feel my son kicking like that.

I run up to the front and pay our bill and come back to help Lara to the car. She's been exhausted lately and the littlest amount of activity makes her need a nap and I can tell she's fading fast. We get in the car and head to the address Bobby gave us. "Are you sure you can do this Lara? I can always call him and meet him later so you can rest."

She rolls her head over and shakes her head. "I'm fine Dean. I'm just a bit tired that's all. He's just growing so fast." She drifts off a little and I let her sleep till we get to the address. I pass Jody's house and make the first right after it and then the first right after that and start to pull up to the address. I see Bobby and Jody standing out front and I start to shake Lara awake.

She slowly wakes up and looks at the house. "Dean, am I dreaming?" I shake my head no and quickly get out of the car and run to her side to help her out. "Are you sure I'm not because this is our house?" She's right that is our house, the house from the other path.

I take her hand and walk up to Jody and Bobby and he hands us a set of keys. "What's going on?" I ask him confused.

Bobby looks at Jody and smiles. Jody grabs Lara's hand and starts to walk her into the house. "This house has been for sale for a few months now and it's been bothering me. I wanted to bring you guys here. So after you guys were married," she pauses for a minute because none of us are quite sure what to call it anymore, "I talked to Bobby and we decided to buy the house has a wedding present for you both."

Lara looks at me and shock and I turn around to look at Bobby. "How did you afford it?" He smiles and pats my back. "I had some money left from Betsy, Frank, and Karen's life insurance. I know I should have given it to Lara when I first meet her but I was worried she would give it to you and you would spend it on something stupid. So I made an executive decision to get the home for you and Jody helped out too."

I give Bobby and fierce hug and then hug Jody. Bobby looks shocked that I just hugged him but then accepts a hug from Lara. She starts to tear up and holds onto Jody. "I don't even know how to thank you guys. This is our home." They both look at her confused.

I pull her into me and kiss the top of her head. Her emotions have been going crazy now that she's pregnant. "This is the home from the other path that we live in."

Jody and Bobby both look like a light bulb just went off in their heads and Jody opens the door. "That explains why Cas and Eve insisted that they furnish the place for a wedding present. They knew what you would want." We walk in and everything is how it should be. "I didn't let them do the extra bedrooms or the nursery so they did the kitchen, dining room, living room, and the master bedroom. Bobby and I already got all of your stuff put away for you and I put your giant teddy bear in the room next to yours because I think it would make a nice nursery."

When we enter the door Bobby points up to a demon trap that is painted on the ceiling in off white that blends into the ceiling paint. You would only notice it if you were looking. "I already secured the house. There is one of those at every door and window. I also cut out part of the window sills and put salt in them and then put the strip of wood back in so that no one would notice and it and no one can move it. I put sprinklers in and I have the water system set up with holy water. So if need be you can turn the sprinklers on and the yard floods with holy water. And if by some miracle they get inside you can just spray them with tap water. We'll want to add new rosaries every so often into the water tank but you're good for now." Lara gives him another hug. "Thank you." I hear her whisper to him through her happy tears.

Cas and Eve are standing in the middle of the kitchen and when Lara see's them she waddles over and gives them both a big hug. "Thank you guys so much." She says through tears. They both stand there a bit awkwardly but they hug her back.

Cas looks at me and I nod my gratitude to him. "There are some differences though. This house has a basement which is nice because you have a big room, a bathroom, and two extra bedrooms downstairs. And a friend decided to change your bathroom for you." What friend could Cas possibly be talking about.

I walk over to Cas and lean into him so Lara can't hear me. We haven't seen him in two months and I needed to talk to him. I want her to just enjoy looking around the house and not worry about John. "Did you find who you needed to help them?" Cas nods at me and I know we'll talk later.

Lara is wondering around the house wide eyed and smiling. I come up behind her in the living room and she falls into my arms. "Dean this is perfect. It's just perfect." They didn't put any photos on the walls and I know she will be doing that has soon as she can but besides that it is perfect. "I want to see upstairs." She says.

I follow her up the stairs making sure she is doing alright and at the top she turns right and goes to the end of the hall where Gabe and Cole's room should be. She opens the door and even though it's empty she smiles. Then she turns around and goes down the hall and opens the first door on our right where Luke's and Rick's room should be. Then we go down a bit further to where John's nursery will be and where Daphne should have eventually end up.

I didn't get the chance to carry her across the threshold so I quickly pick her up and carry her through the master bedroom door. She looks at me surprised and laughs. "What are you doing Dean?"

I lean down and kiss her. "Carrying my bride across the threshold." I say with a laugh back. I carry her in and lay her down on the bed. It looks like it should. They didn't pick out any of the bedding or the decorations but Cas and Eve put in our bedroom furniture. "Ready to break in our new home?" I ask with a wink.

Lara laughs at me. "Dean we have a house full of people downstairs." I lean down and kiss her. "They can wait a few minutes."

I hear a voice coming from the bathroom. "I fixed the shower for a wedding present for my favorite girl." Then the body comes out to match the voice and I go into shock.

Lara looks at him confused and tilts her head. Then she slowly says. "Uncle Gabe?" He looks at her and smiles. "You remembered me."

I look at him and I finally find my voice again. "Gabriel? Aren't you supposed to be dead?"

a/n if you liked it review it. I'm getting worried that I'm boring you guys.


	54. Chapter 54

Lara's POV

When I heard the voice coming from the bathroom I somehow recognized it. I don't know how I did but I did. When he came out of the bathroom without thinking I just said "Uncle Gabe?" He gave me a smile and seemed pleased that I remembered him.

Then Dean said "Gabriel? Aren't you supposed to be dead?" This is the angel Gabriel in front of me and he IS suppose to be dead.

"My father decided to bring me back to life around the time that he brought Castiel back. I guess he approved of my hand in the apocalypse or lack thereof."

John starts frantically kicking in side of me harder than normal before I can catch myself I'm doubled over and I let out a moan. Dean is immediately there with his arm around me. "Lara are you ok?" He asked me with so much fear in his voice.

I let out a soft chuckle. "I'm fine Dean. It's just John he is really happy to see Gabriel I think." Gabriel walks over to me and extends his hand. Dean reaches out to smack his hand away but I grab Dean's hand before he can and Gabriel rests his hand on my stomach. John immediately relaxes and I feel him become very calm. "He's glad you're here Uncle Gabe. He's been so afraid." I'm not sure why I said that but I did.

Dean puts his arm around me and I stand up straight again. He pulls me in close and very protectively. "What is going on?" He asks me confused. I look at him and shrug my shoulders. "I honestly don't know."

Gabriel steps back and looks at us. "Well Dean I was the one who made sure Lara was born. When she was a baby I would come and watch over her. I was her favorite angel and I'm not just saying that. I was, she would smile for me more than any other angel that came. She would call me Uncle Gabe well it came out more like Unky Ga. She would call Cas Unky Cassie. Subconsciously she must have remembered me. I was inconsolable when they told me she was dead. I left heaven and had to go on my own for years after. I never trusted Zachariah and my father would not listen to me when I said I thought he had something to do with it. I was ecstatic when Cas found me and told me you were alive." Dean looks worried but somehow memories of Gabriel are coming back to me. He must be putting them there because I was too young to remember anything. He would sit by my bed at night and tell me stories when I couldn't sleep. If I woke up in the night and was scared he would rock me back and forth. He always had a piece of candy for me too. He escorts me to the bed and I sit down. "You should be sitting. This pregnancy is really hard on your body." He's right. I haven't wanted to tell Dean how bad it is but my body feels so exhausted all of the time. I can't seem to eat or sleep enough to keep up with John. I am getting worried that I'm not going to live through it.

Dean looks at me wide eyed. "Is she ok? What's wrong?" Gabriel just smiles and sits down next to me on the bed. "She will be fine, nothing I can't fix." Dean immediately relaxes.

He grabs my hand and I look at him. "I need to go over what happened with you to see where he went wrong. Cas told me and I just want to make sure I got it right. So Raphael injected Dean with God's essence and then Dean let him into his body and then they impregnated you. Is that correct?"

I shake my head yes. "Damn I can't believe he actually believed me. And after all that shit you pulled with Michael I can't believe you actually let an angel wear you." Dean grabs Gabriel by the arm. "What do you mean he believed you? And for the record I didn't have a lot of choice in the matter."

Gabriel shakes Dean off. "Growing up I kind of got the short end the stick. My other brothers were warriors and I was in charge of getting women pregnant. Not that exciting. So I may have told a small white lie to Raphael on how I got Mary pregnant. I told him that I injected Joseph with the essence and then wore him and got to have sex with her. I didn't think that he would do the same thing 2,000 years later." I can see Dean getting angry. "What is wrong then?"

Gabriel puts his hand back on my stomach and is silent for a few moments. "First of all this child was never meant to have any of your DNA Dean. He should only have had Lara's and then his godlike DNA. Raphael really messed up because now this child is actually yours and the bond will be stronger." Dean knells down in front of me and kisses my stomach. "The child was always mine Gabriel." He puts a hand over my stomach protectively. His voice has a harsh bite warning Gabriel he is walking on dangerous ground. 

Gabriel laughs. "Yes, yes I know the child was always your son but now it actually is your son. It's going to change everything. He will look and act a bit different. Jesus has never had a human father before and this changes a lot, he's always kind of wanted one to be honest. He's part God with the holy trinity making him one and the same with God and the Holy Spirit. He's never been able to just relax and let someone take care of him. He's never had an actual father because he is part of the trinity. Second of all it should have only been God's grace and essence but now that is fighting with the angel essence and grace. That is why he is growing so fast and you keep having these grace flair ups. It's God's and the Angel's essence fighting each other. Each one keeps growing and trying to best the other one. Luckily God's keeps dominating the angelic but they aren't meant to be together. It's too much power. He's basically a nuclear time bomb waiting to go off. It's hurting him." Gabriel finishes with a slight frown.

I rub my stomach. My poor baby is in pain. "Can you fix him?" I ask him nearly in tears, I don't want my baby to be in pain. He smiles at me. "Of course I can."

Dean stands up and looks down at Gabriel. "Why are you going to help? You never seemed interested in us before unless it benefited you."

Gabriel stands up and gets right up into Dean's face and I can tell he's mad. "How dare you talk to me like that human! Lara is very special to me. I have loved her for years and I watched her grow up. I am doing this for her and her baby. There is a reason you named your son Gabe on that other path. It was short for Gabriel because Lara and I always had a very close bond." Dean backs down and Gabriel starts to calm down and comes back to sit next to me.

John is frightened that Gabriel and Dean were fighting. I can tell he's getting upset and I rub my stomach trying to calm him down but I can't stop it and his grace flairs up and I feel it pulse through my body and out my eyes. When it's done I'm laying on my back and Dean is hovering over me caressing my face. "Stop fighting with him. It's upsetting John." Dean gives me a sheepish look and I look over at Gabriel. "How will you fix him?"

"I will extract his angel essences and destroy it. He will go back to normal once it is just the human and God in him." I look at my stomach. My poor little guy is really scared. "Will it hurt him?"

Gabriel shakes his head no. "It will be a little uncomfortable but it won't hurt him. He will feel a great relief when it's done. This now is hurting him. We need to separate the two." Dean stands up and starts to pace the room. "Will it hurt Lara?" He asks nervously.

Gabriel doesn't say anything for a moment and looks at me quietly. "Yes it will hurt. It will be very painful." Dean stops walking and looks at him angrily. "You can't do it then." He says staunchly.

I shake my head no. "Dean, this is not up for discussion. John is in pain and he is scared. This will help him and everything will calm down. I don't care if it hurts. My whole life has been pain and I'm not going to let my baby's life start in pain too. I need to do it for our baby." Dean knells down next to me and grabs my hand and look at Gabriel. "What happens if we wait till John is born?" He asks hopefully.

Gabriel gives me a sad look. "John and Lara won't make it till then. He is a ticking time bomb Dean. He will explode soon and he and Lara will die. And if it by some fluke John doesn't explode until he's born I don't think Lara's body can take much more." Gabriel looks at me with a frown and Dean lowers his head and buries it in my hand and I feel him squeeze my hand tight. "What do you mean her body can't take much more?"

I look at Gabriel and try to tell him not to say anymore with my eyes but the silence makes Dean pop his head and up and he looks at me. "What aren't you telling me Lara."

I start to cry. Being pregnant has been killer on my emotions. "I didn't want to worry you Dean. The baby is growing so fast and it's taking everything out of me. I've just been tired and so hungry that's all." Dean looks at Gabriel I can tell he's not totally believing me.

"What isn't she telling me Gabriel?" He says angrily.

Gabriel gives me an apologetic look and faces the wrath of my husband. "Her body is giving everything to the child and it is failing around her. The baby is growing so fast that it needs more blood and energy than a baby should. She can't possibly even eat enough to give the child the nutrients it needs so he is draining them from her without meaning to. I doubt she can hold on until the birth. The fighting of the two powers is weakening her as well."

Dean looks at me frantically and down at my stomach. I grab his hands. "Don't you dare get mad at John. It's not his fault." Dean kisses me and looks back at Gabriel. "I'm not mad at him sweet heart I'm worried about you both. Will this fix her too?" He asks with a hint of fear.

Gabriel shakes his head. "It will. The baby will start growing at a normal rate. It will be like she's 5 months pregnant and the next four months will progress normally. I will heal her has much as I can of course, but it is dangerous for me to overwhelm her body with too much angelic power." Dean seems to calm down and he looks at me. Gabriel sits on the bed in front of me and leans over me. "I need you to hold her steady. This is very delicate work and I can't have her moving."

Dean gives him a confused look. "What are you going to do?" He asks.

Gabriel laughs. "It is basically a game of operation. Only if I hit the sides they blow up. I need you to keep her steady if she starts to move around and I need you to help her convince John to let me do this."

I look at Dean frantically. "No you should leave. If John and I blow up you'll die too. Go home with Bobby and Jody and come back when it's safe." Dean leans down and kisses me. "Don't be foolish Lara. I am not going anywhere. If you die I'm going with you. I am not going to live in a world that you aren't in." I know better than to fight him when he's made up his mind.

He gets up and sits on the bed and puts me head in his lap. "Do we do this now?" He asks Gabriel.

Gabriel looks at me for a moment and shakes his head. "We should. Every moment we wait the more dangerous it gets." He puts his hands on my stomach and I feel John kick excitingly. "Lara, Dean, I need you to tell John that he has to allow me in."

Dean puts his hands on my stomach and rubs. "John this is your daddy. I need you to let Gabriel inside to fix you. It might be uncomfortable but it's going to help you. Remember when you asked Cas to go get him?" He keeps rubbing his stomach.

I close my eyes and put my hands over my baby and start to hum to him. I sing him hush little baby in my head. I keep my eyes closed and try to relax him. He likes when I sing to him and I only know one lullaby. I asked Jody to find me ones but so many of them Julie Fink would sing to her baby and this isn't one of them so I am ok with it. "Hush little baby don't say a word mama's going to buy you a mockingbird."

Gabriel starts to enter my womb and the pain is intense. I have never experienced anything like it in my life. It's like red hot pokers going through my stomach and separating my insides. I am good with pain and I try not to move. I move my hand slightly to grab on to Dean's and squeeze it. He moves in deeper. Oh God I don't know if I can do this. It hurts to bad.

John starts to get upset. He's worried that I'm in too much pain. "Hush now sweet heart. It's fine. Mommy's fine. I love you." I say to him in my head. Gabriel must have reached my child because it is at it's peak now. This is becoming unmanageable. My eyes fly open and I look at Dean. John is getting frantic. He is going to flair up and I don't know what will happen if he does. "Dean…John…scared…talk" is all I can get out.

It hurts to bad I can' hardly breathe. Dean looks in my eyes and at my stomach. "Talk…him…please" I try to get out through the pain.

"John this is Daddy. I need you to calm down. It will be over soon. Gabriel is helping you. I know that Mommy is scared right now but she's ok. I have her and nothing bad is going to happen to her." He stops and Gabriel looks up at Dean. "Keep talking Dean. It's keeping him calm."

The pain is radiating through me and it's taking over every fiber of my being. I feel like I am going to pass out from it but my need to take care of John is keeping me awake. "When this is over John and you come out I'm going to give you an extra special surprise for being such a good boy right now. But right after I am going to treat your mommy to anything she wants to eat and I know you'll get a little bit of that too. Everyone is really excited to meet you and we're going to start your nursery soon. Do you want race cars or baby animals? I am going to go out on a limb and say you'll want race cars because hey any son of mine is going to like cars. But we can make it whatever you want it to be." Gabriel finally pulls out and the pain starts to subside.

I am drenched in sweat and my body feels like it's been through a war. Has he pulls out all of the tension starts to seep out my body and I start to relax. When he's out he has a small blue orb in his hands. "Is it all better?" I ask him shakily.

Gabriel puts the light in a vial and leans down and kisses my forehead. "Yes darling it's all better. Now you rest. When you get up we'll talk more. I need to go destroy this." I want to stay awake but I can't. I look up at Dean. "Stay and keep rubbing my stomach. John isn't in pain but he's traumatized." Gabriel puts his hand on my head and I feel my body healing as I drift off.

I don't know how long I slept but when I wake up I'm laying on my back and Dean is sitting next to me rubbing my stomach singing to our baby. I look at him and start to laugh and he looks down at me and smirks. "Are you singing him Metallica Dean?" I ask with a laugh.

He smiles and shakes his head. "I already got through Led Zeppelin. It's the only music I know." I laugh and close my eyes connecting with my baby for a moment. "He likes it Dean." I laugh again and relax. Everything feels normal.

Gabriel is standing at the end of the bed when I open my eyes and I smile at him. "Thank you Uncle Gabe. He feels calm and happy now. Everything feels different. I'm so glad it's fixed because I really wanted to give birth in a hospital where it's safer." Gabriel tenses up. "What's wrong?" I ask him.

"You won't be able to give birth in a hospital Lara. Do you remember the story about the birth of Christ?" I shake my head yes. "There is a very good reason they were in a manger. The birth brought the inn down. It was so much power that people thought it was just an earthquake but it was God's presence coming to earth."

He has got to be kidding me. I look at Dean frantically. "What do we do then Uncle Gabe?" I ask him. "I will handle it. I will set up at safe place and when the time happens Castiel, Balthazar, and I will deliver the baby. Even if you had 100 doctors at the birth they will not be able to give you the care we will be able too." I start to relax. That seems like a plan.

Dean leans down and kisses the top of my head. "Everything is going to be ok Lara. They won't let anything happen to you and I'll be right there."

I relax again. "Uncle Gabe can you fix Sammy?" I ask him hopefully.

He frowns at me. "I can't totally fix him but when John comes out he will be able to. He'll have the power to fully erase it from his mind and soul. I can put a temporary fix on it but it won't be permanent and it won't alleviate everything."

Dean grabs my hand and looks at Gabriel. "Thank you Gabriel. Whatever you can do would be very helpful." Gabriel disappears I assume it's to go fix Sammy. I start to sit up. "Where are you going?" Dean asks me.

I look at him and smile. "I need to go the bathroom and I want to take a bath." Dean jumps out of the bed and helps me get up. We walk into the bathroom and I'm blown away. This is nicer than the one in the other path even. Gabriel put in my big walk in shower and put in a big soaker bathtub.

Dean keeps his arm around my back and leads me to the toilet. "I'll start you a bath and come out when you're ready." I go into the toilet and come back out a few minutes later and I see a bubble bath ready for me.

I don't know where he got the bubbles or the candles but he got them. I walk over to him and kiss him. "Everything is going to be fine now Dean." He kisses me forehead and helps me undress and helps me into the tub. I sink back and relax. My muscles are still a bit tense from everything and this is easing it all away.

Dean gets a wash cloth and washes my back and rubs it. "How are you feeling?" I smile and relax into his hands. He continues to rub my back and I feel all the tension and pain release. "Great but I'd be even better if you'd join me." I say with has seductively has I can pull off with my stomach that looks like I'm 5 to 6 months pregnant.

He gives me a cocky grin and strips off his clothes quickly and pushes me forward slipping in behind me in the gloriously oversized tub. Once he's situated I lean back and relax into him. "Now I'm perfect." I say has Dean starts to kiss down the back of my neck.

a/n So for whatever reason I couldn't stop thinking about how things would work on the other path so I decided to write what could have happened. I just have a chapter done and I'm going to put it up. I'm gonna call it Born Free (yea I'm not so great at titling stuff) I'm gonna put it up later tonight so check it out. If you don't like it tell me cause I'm not sure if it's a good idea or if it is too confusing.


	55. Chapter 55

Dean's POV

The last month has been really quite amazing. Ever since Gabriel fixed Lara everything has been normal. The baby is growing at a normal rate and Lara is feeling better. He hasn't flared out once since he fixed her. I ask her every day to swear to me she feels normal. I was livid that she didn't tell me how bad it was on her body before but I can't stay mad at her for long.

Gabriel may only have been able to put a patch on Sammy's head but it has worked wonders. He still gets a bit confused and agitated sometimes but he's very stable now. Gabby and him have moved into our house and have a room set up downstairs. They were staying at Bobby's but to be honest it was strange for me not having my brother in the same room with me let alone the same house so I invited them to stay with us.

Gabriella and Lara have been planning the wedding for her and Sammy. They want something small in the back yard. I asked Lara if she wanted to have another ceremony and she just smiles and shrugs her shoulders. "We're married that's all that matters." She says to me every time I bring it up.

Lara has been decorating the house like a mad woman. Her, Jody and Gabriella go shopping almost every day. First it started with just getting small things like dishes, pots, pans, kitchen utensils, bedding, towels, stuff like that. Then she started doing bedrooms. She did the guest room downstairs knowing that I wanted Gabby and Sammy to move in before I even said anything. She truly understands me.

She has art work and pictures up all over the house. She has the picture of us at the Space Needles in the living room on the mantel has well as the photograph of me with my arm around her in front of the falls. In our room she has the one of us kissing in front of the falls. I don't know how she got them off my phone but I'm assuming that Sam helped her. She has other pictures from the beach up around the house too. One of all four us is on the mantel, one of just Gabby and Sam is downstairs in their room, and one of just her and I is in our room as well. She also has the pictures that Bobby gave her of her family and her and Karen on a book shelf in the living room along with the photo Bobby gave her of Sammy and I. I don't know how she got it or where she found it but she has a photograph of my parents, Sammy as a baby, and I on the book shelf has well.

The angels have been hanging over at our house a lot. I know it's because they are all worried about Lara and John but somehow we have all kind of become friends. I never thought a day would come where Sam and I would be friends with more than one angel. Gabriel and Balthazar are over here almost has much has Castiel is. Castiel has practically moved in and hovers around Lara like some kind of guard dog. He is really taking the order to keep her safe to heart. Every time she winces or moans all three angels run to her side worried she is going to go into labor. I asked Balthazar why he was here and he said. "It's not every day that Christ comes back into the world."

Gabriel started bringing a pool table into the basement sometimes and us five play pool together. He zaps it out when we're done. He just zapped it in and the five of us are playing another game. Lara and Gabby are out shopping for things for the nursery. We painted it last week and she's still finishing it up. "You're move Cas." I say to him has he moves around the table.

I hear the door upstairs open and Lara waddles down a few steps and smiles at us. "I like it. We should get one Dean." I laugh at her and run up the stairs and give her a kiss. "You want to get a pool table?" I ask her jokingly. Could be wife get any more awesome?

I help her down the stairs and she gives Gabriel, Cas, Balthazar, and Sam all hugs. "I do I think it's kind of fun. It can be a little man cave down here for you guys. Maybe put in a sectional and a TV too so that when John is older he can have his friends over down here." And she just got even a bit more awesome. Gabriel snaps his fingers and a blue leather sectional and large flat screen and media center appear in the room. He even added a poker table and a foosball table which was his own idea. Our basement just got finished it appears. Lara gasps. "Uncle Gabe you don't have to keep doing stuff like that. I didn't say it thinking you would do it!"

Gabriel smiles at her. "I like doing things for my favorite girl. Just accept it and like it." She gives him another hug. "Thank you very much."

Lara grabs my hand and drags me up the stairs. "Sorry guys I need Dean's help with some things in the nursery you guys can go back to your game. Sammy, Gabby is back and wants to know if you want to go out to dinner tonight. Also can we work on the GED questions tomorrow?" Lara wants to get her GED before the baby is born. She insists that she wants her child to be able to trust her to help him with school. We have 6 years before he goes to school and she's already worried.

Sam looks up from the pool table and smiles. I haven't seen him smile in so long that it's a relief. "Tell her that would be great. We'll leave in a bit. Just go through the next two chapters and the practice test and we'll go over it tomorrow." I follow Lara up the stairs and I see boxes and bags of stuff in the living room and Gabby is carrying in more.

Lara walks over to the largest box. "We picked out a crib Dean. I want to build it and put it up tonight." I walk to the box and start to carry it up the stairs. "Is it too heavy?" She asks me. I smile and shake my head no. She grabs a few bags and follows me up the stairs.

"Should you be carrying those?" I ask her concerned. She laughs and continues up the stairs. We walk into the nursery and it makes me smile. It reminds me of the safe place I grew up. We put what is apparently called white wainscoting on the bottom of the wall and painted the top a dark blue. She let me pick out pictures of cars that she framed and put all around the room. It looks like a little boys room. "When he's older I want to get him a race car bed." I say to her.

She comes up beside me and kisses me. "I have a feeling all of our kids will be getting a race car bed whether they are boys are not." I laugh and start to unpack the box. Gabby carries the rest of the stuff up and puts in the bedroom next door so we have space to build the crib.

"I'm headed out with Sam." Gabby says sticking her head in the door. We say bye and they head out. I assume the angels are still downstairs playing god knows what. While I'm putting the crib together she's putting a mobile and a swing together.

I finish and put it against the wall. She picks up the hungry caterpillar bedding she found for the crib and puts it in and sets up the mobile. She looks at me with tears in her eyes. I put my arms around her. She's been crying even when she's happy lately. "It looks perfect Dean." I look over her head and it does. The dark wood crib looks like a happy place for any baby to grow up. "I have a dresser downstairs that matches the crib if you think you can build that too." I smile and go pick it up.

Lara is sitting in the empty bedroom folding baby clothes and organizing toys. I put the box down in the other room and walk back and just watch her for a few minutes. She picks up a little outfit and starts to cry. I run in and sit on the floor next to her and pull her into me. "What's wrong honey?" I ask.

She looks at me. "Am I going to be a good mom Dean?" I let out a laugh and smile. "You're going to be the best mom every honey. Why are you worried?"

"I don't remember having one. My life has been so messed up until now that I'm worried I won't know what to do." She looks so worried.

I kiss her forehead. "You are going to do great. You're a natural at it. You're already a great mom. You take care of everyone around you. We are going to figure it out together. And we have a lot of people around us to help. Why don't you come in and sit with me while I finish the dresser and we'll fill it up and relax on the couch for the rest of the night." She seems to relax and I stand up and help her to her feet.

We finish building the dresser and she fills it with all the clothes she has been buying and puts the toys in the shelves we built last week. She has another shelf of baby supplies all ready. She worried she won't be a good mom but she already has a year's supply of diapers, wipes, and all kinds of creams and powders. Not to mention the bottles already in the cupboards and the horrifying device called a breast pump in the closet.

"Lara, Dean, it's Jody and I." I hear Bobby yelling from downstairs. It sounds like he's bringing something up the stairs and when he fills the door I see a rocking chair in his arms. "Gabby told me you guys were finishing the nursery tonight and no nursery is complete without a rocking chair."

Bobby puts it down in the corner in front of the window and Jody comes in behind him. Lara runs over to the chair and fingers the delicate carvings on it. There are carvings of baby animals on the neck rest. She sits down and starts to rock and a smile takes over her face. "Uncle Bobby this is perfect." She starts to tear up and Jody runs over to her and gives her a hug.

I give Bobby a one armed hug. "It's great Bobby where did you find it?" He smiles and slaps by back. "I had a friend who owed me one. And there was no way I was going to let him carve a bunch of cars in it." He says with a laugh.

My phone starts to ring from the bedroom and I run out to answer it. I pick it up and I don't recognize the number. I answer it. "Hello." I say.

I hear a woman cough on the other line. "Is Dean Winchester available?" She asks. "This is him."

The woman doesn't say anything for a moment and I hear beeping in the background. "Mr. Winchester my name is Tammy Baxter and I work with social services. I have you listed down has the emergency contact for Lisa Braeden."

What is Lisa up to now? "Yes that would be me. " Again the woman on the other side of the phone is quiet. "I also have you listed has the legal guardian for Ben Braeden in case of an accident."

Now I'm getting worried. "What happened Tammy." I ask scared.

"I regret inform you Mr. Winchester but Lisa Braeden died and Ben is in critical condition. He's in a coma and hasn't woken up yet. We need you to come here since you are his legal guardian." I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. Lisa is dead. Ben is in a coma. "Mr. Winchester are you there?"

I look at my phone and put it back to my ear. "Yes I am here. I will be there immediately." Before she can say anything else I hang up the phone and sit down on the bed. I don't know how the phone left my hands but I look down and it's on the floor.

"Dean?" Lara says to me from the door. I look at her in shock and she rushes over to me and knells down in front of me. I can't seem to respond to her. Ben is hurt and in a coma. She grabs my face and makes me look at her. "Dean what's wrong?" She asks me worryingly.

I look in her eyes. "Lisa is dead and Ben is in a coma. I need to get to him." Lara looks shocked to but she gets up and waddles to the door and I hear her yelling downstairs for Castiel. He appears in our room and he gives me a puzzled look.

Lara turns around and walks to Cas. "I need you to get us to the Ben in the hospital right now." She tells him. Cas looks at me. "What's wrong?"

"Lisa died and Ben is in a coma. Apparently Lisa put me down has his legal guardian in case she died. I need to be with him." I finally snap out of it and look at Lara. "Honey you don't have to come." I know she is better now but I don't want the strain on her or the baby.

Lara sits next to me and shakes her head. "No, I do have to come. It's Ben and he's going to be scared and you are going to need me too." She looks at Cas. "Get us there now."

The next thing I know I'm standing up next to Ben's hospital bed and Lara is standing next to me. I rush to his side and grab his hand. "Ben it's Dean I'm here now. Don't you worry buddy." Lara walks out into the hall and flags down a nurse who comes back with a doctor and another lady.

The lady walks to us and extends her hand. "I'm Tammy Baxter we spoke on the phone. I can't believe how fast you got here." I shake her hand and go back to Ben's bedside. "And who are you miss?" She asks Lara.

I tear my eyes away from Ben and look at Tammy. "She's my wife Lara. We came has soon as you called. What happened?" Lara takes a seat next to me and the doctor looks over the chart.

"A drunk driver blew through an intersection. Lisa died immediately and Ben has been in a coma for two days. We just now found her will to get your information Mr. Winchester. Ben is stable but he is still in critical condition. I don't know when or if he's going to wake up."

I look down at Ben and I feel tears coming to my eyes. Lara grabs Ben's arm. "He will wake up." She says to the doctor.

Tammy walks over to me and puts a comforting hand on my shoulder. "I need to talk to you about formally adopting the boy. Is that something you are willing to do? If not I need to get someone permanently assigned to his case and start working on a plan for when he wakes up."

I look down at Lara and she shakes her head. I am glad she agreed because there was no way I was letting him get lost in the system. "Yes we will be adopting him. What do you need me to do?" The woman looks down at Lara. "Of course we will be. I'd be honored to be his adoptive mother." She says to her.

"I need to get the paper work drawn and get it signed by a judge. Until then I have a temporary custody agreement. For right now Mr. Winchester you are the only one on it and you can make any medical decisions for Ben. I'll get Lara put on the paper work right away. I'll come back tomorrow to get you guys to sign stuff. " Tammy and the doctor leave the room and it's just Lara and I again.

Lara looks up at me and she's crying. I can't stop myself and I start to sob and I grab on to her. "It's going to be ok Dean. Ben is going to wake up and he's going to be fine." I can't stop crying. He looks so weak and small in front of me with all the wires and tubes coming out of him. Get your shit together Dean you can't fall apart now. This boy is going to need you. Lara continues to hold me. "Don't try to fight it Dean." She knows I hate crying, it's a weakness.

One of the nurses comes in and rolls in two cots with her. Lara smiles at the lady through her tears. "Thank you." She says. The nurse waves and leaves the room. Lara gets up and brings another chair next to the bed and puts me in it and sits next to me. She holds my hand and with her other hand she grabs on to Ben's. "Ben honey it's Lara. Dean and I are right here honey. Take your time and wake up when you can."

I continue to cry and Lara gives me silent comfort. I can't believe that Lisa is dead and Ben is in a coma. It's almost unbelievable. If he doesn't wake up I don't know what I'll do. 


	56. Chapter 56

Ben's POV

I am so sore. I have never been this sore before. I feel like every bone in my body is broken. I can't seem to move or wake up. I can hear things going on around me though. I heard Dean come in and tell me he was here than I heard Lara too. It's a bit of a jumbled and I only caught part of the words but I heard my mom's name.

From outside the darkness I heard Dean. "Ben I have to go away for a bit. They need to me sign some papers but Lara will be here and I'll be back soon." I try to tell him I hear him but I can't. I drift back out.

I come back a while later and I feel a small hand grab mine. "They told me that you might be able to hear me. It's me, Lara, sweet heart and I am right here. We are going to be right here until you wake up sweet heart. Just rest and get yourself put back together."

My body starts to respond to me and I can flick me hand. Lara's hand grabs mine tighter. "Are you awake honey?" She asks me. I slowly open my eyes. It's a bit hazy but I can see her. "Mom?" I croak out.

Lara stands up and kisses me forehead. "Ben I am really sorry to tell you this but your mom passed away. But don't you worry Dean and I are going to take care of you." Mom is dead? How is that possible she was right next to me.

I move me head to the side and I see a monitor and a bunch of wires and tubes. I look back at Lara and she's hovering over me hitting a button behind me head. "Lara is that you?" I ask her.

She smiles. "Yes it's me. I called the doctor you just relax." The doctors come rushing in and they poke and prod me for what feels like hours. Lara doesn't leave my side and keeps telling me how good I'm doing and holding my hand. She's a good buffer between me and the doctors. She keeps reminding them to be gentle. They keep poking and prodding me like some kind of science fair project.

Right after the doctors leave Dean comes running into the room with a frantic expression on his face and races over to me and grabs my hand. He kisses my forehead. "Oh thank God you're awake. How are you? I am so sorry I wasn't here. I had to go downtown to sign the adoption papers."

I start to tear up. I don't want to cry especially not in front of Dean but adoption papers means my mom is really gone. "I want to leave. I don't want to be here anymore." I say desperately. I don't want to be in this strange bed anymore with all of these strange things hooked up to me.

Dean looks to Lara and she shakes her head. "Just a few more days. You just woke up the doctors needs to be able to take care of you for a few more days." My eyes start to drop and I can't stay awake I try to fight it but I can't. "Just rest Ben. We'll be here when you get up." Dean says has as I fall back to sleep.

I don't know how long I have been out but when I start to wake up I can hear them talking. "Lara you need to go get some rest. Get a hotel nearby and sleep in a real bed. It can't be good for you or the baby."

"I am not leaving here Dean. I signed the papers and he's my son now too. I won't just leave him here when he needs us. John and I are fine. I have been sitting and you make sure I eat all the time. "

I can't see what they are doing but Dean responds. "I can't have anything happen to you and John too."

"Nothing is going to happen to John or me. But I am not leaving here until Ben and you do too." I drift back out.

What's going on? It's so bright. "Doctor, do you have to shine that light in his eye he doesn't like it." I hear Lara say. She's holding my hand and she must have felt me flinch.

The doctor doesn't say anything and checks the other eye. Once the doctor leaves I slowly wake up and I see Lara sitting next to me and Dean on the other side. I roll over and look at him. "Dean?" I say weakly.

He jumps up and stands next to my bed. "Ben! How are you? Can I get you anything?" I shake my head no slightly. I roll over and look at Lara and she's smiling next to me holding me hand and rubbing her stomach. She squeezes my hand. "I'm so glad to see your eyes Ben." She says.

"How long?" I ask but my voice sounds tired and strained. Lara grabs a cup with a straw and puts the straw to my lips and I take a sip of water. Dean grabs my other hand. "You've been in and out for about two weeks now Ben. You're healing really fast and the doctors say you're doing really great."

I feel the tears start to well up again and I try to fight it. "You can cry Ben. I have been the last two weeks too." Dean says to me. Knowing that he has makes me feel better about it and I let go.

* one week later *

The doctors just left again. They are constantly all over me. I can't stand it. But they gave me good news today. I am allowed to finally leave. Lara has put things up from home all around my room and it help make it feel more like home. Sam and Gabriella have been here too. They have been staying at my house and packing up my stuff. I heard them all talking even though they didn't know I was awake. They decided to pack up all of mom's stuff and the rest of the house and put it in storage for me. They are packing up my stuff too.

Dean and Lara have stayed with me every night. Neither of them have left my room unless it's to get me something or to sign papers. Once I woke up one of the nurses tried to kick them out of the room saying that visiting hours were over but Lara starting sobbing so loudly saying that they couldn't make her leave her boy that they let her stay. After they left Dean winked at me and said. "The pregnancy card works every time." Lara is sitting next to me knitting. One of the other ladies on the floor taught her how to and she's been doing it nonstop. She made me a blanket and now she is working on what looks like a knit baby cap. "Is it true Lara can I really leave?"

Dean comes into the room with a bag of contraband food for me. He knows I hate the hospital food and he brings me burgers and fries or whatever else I want every day. His face lightens up when he comes in. "The doctors gave us the go ahead? He can really leave?" He asks Lara. She smiles and shakes her head yes.

Dean puts the bag down and gives me a high five. "Awesome! I know we have been avoiding the topic a bit but we need to talk about some stuff Ben. You know that Lara and I are your legal guardians now but you need to decide if you want to stay with us. We really want to you to come with us. We have a room for you and if you give us the go ahead Sammy and Gabby are going to start taking all of your stuff there and set it up. But I want to make sure it's what you want."

I look at him and Lara. They both look nervous about my answer but I am the one who is nervous. What if they don't me? "Of course I want to go with you guys." I say frantically. "You guys do want me right?" Lara jumps up and puts her knitting down and kisses my forehead. "We want you very badly honey. We just wanted to make sure it's what you want." I shake my head vigorously and grab Dean's hand.

"I want to go with you guys." Dean smiles and squeezes my hand. "We packed up all your stuff but is there anything you need from your house?"

I try to think of everything there. "I want the photo books. There is a picture of mom and me in her room and there is one of us three in my room that I want." Dean shakes his head and picks up his phone and texts Sam I assume.

Lara starts to fold my things up and put them away in a small suit case that she brought over. "Can I go home before we leave?" Lara shakes her head yes. "Of course honey. We can spend has much time has you need to at home."

"I just want to see it again." I can't believe I am never going to see mom again or live in my home. "Are we moving into Bobby's house?"

Dean shakes his head no. "Lara and I have our own home. You'll have your own room and bathroom. Well until John is born and in a few years you will have to share one with him but it's yours. What color do you want it? Bobby said he would paint it whatever color you want before we get there."

I try and think. My room at my mom's is blue but I don't want that. I don't think I can have a blue room again. "Gray?" I say more in a question. Lara smiles and keeps packing my things. "I'll call Bobby and gray it is." Dean says to me.

Within a few hours we are out of the hospital and I am in the impala. I haven't been in that car for such a long time. Dean and Lara are up front and I see them grab each other's hands and smile at each other. They are happy, even an idiot could see how happy they are. Are they really going to be ok with me barging into their lives? Can Lara really want me living with them? I saw what happened between her and mom and I can't imagine that she would honestly want me. Then there's Dean. He and mom didn't leave on great terms and he's not my biological father. How can he want me? I have to act better than ever to make them want me. To make sure they don't send me away. We pull up at my house and there is van out front with a trailer hooked up to it and Gabby and Sam are standing outside waiting for me.

Dean opens my door and helps me get out of the car. I am still a bit weak. I walk on shaky legs and Dean holds my arm and helps me walk to inside. Sam and Gabby give me a big hug and open the door and let me in. The house looks empty. They have been working and it's all gone. It doesn't look like my home. "Can I be alone?" I ask them. They all shake their head. "We'll be right outside when you're ready." Lara says to me and they wait on the porch.

I walk through my home for the last time. Memories of my mom flood my mind. Eating dinner together, watching movies together, Christmas's, birthdays, everything just coming at me. I walk up the stairs and walk to her room and sit down on the floor. "I love you mom. I am going to miss you. Dean and Lara are going to take me home with them but I really miss you." I start to cry. I just need to get it out one more time.

I've been in mom's room crying for awhile but everyone respected my wishes and don't come in after me. I slowly get up and say bye one more time and walk down the stairs. I leave the house and it looks like Sam and Gabby already left with the van. They must be heading back with me stuff. Lara gives me an awkward hug through her belly. "You doing ok Ben?" She asks me. I shake my head yes and we walk to the car and head out to my new life.


	57. Chapter 57

Lara's POV

We took our time getting home. We're only a few miles from home and I'm anxious to be back in my own bed for the night. We were with Ben for three and half weeks in the hospital. We took turns sleeping on cots while the other one held his hand and waited for him to wake up. I don't think I ever felt more relieved in my life than when he opened his eyes and looked at me. He's been so brave and doing so well but I know his heart is breaking. He misses his mom. Dean was so worried that Lisa was killed by something supernatural and he made Sam and Gabby investigate it. He never would have forgave himself if something supernatural had killed her and hurt Ben. It appears it was just an actual accident. A man got drunk drove his truck through the intersection. They even interviewed the man who is in jail right now and he said the same thing. It's hard to remember that sometimes bad things just happen and there's no greater reason for it.

It took us four days to get home. I wanted Sam and Gabby to get there a few days before us so they could set up his room for him so he can feel comfortable on his first day. Also Ben isn't strong enough yet for us to be pushing his body with long car trips and to be honest at 4 months even though it looks like 7 months pregnant I'm not strong enough to do them either. I've made Dean stop at family friendly hotels every night. Not the normal roach motels he likes but ones with pools and free breakfasts. Ben likes to go to the pools and afterwards he crashes in bed and doesn't move till we wake him up in the morning. Dean kept trying to get frisky in the room but I told him absolutely not until we get home.

We make the last turn to go down our street and I squeeze Dean's hand. We both look back and give Ben a reassuring smile. As we pull up I see that they put a sign up over the front door "Welcome Home Ben!" It reads. I can tell be the look on his face he likes it. We get out of the car and Dean goes around to trunk to pick up our stuff and I walk to the door with Ben and we're greeted by Bobby, Jody, Gabby, Sammy, Cas, and Gabriel. They all rush up and give Ben a big hug, well expect for the angels they aren't big into hugs. I look around them and I see they put the photo I told them too of Ben and Dean on the mantel and another shot of Ben that must have been his school photo on the book case. I wanted him to feel included.

Dean comes in behind me and drops our bags on the floor and takes Ben on a tour of the first floor and man cave in the basement. I drop down on the couch and Jody sits next to me. "You and John doing ok?" She asks me slightly worried.

I shake my head yes. "We are doing great. It's just so good to home. Thanks for doing all of this for Ben I wanted him to feel welcome when he came home. Did Gabby and Sam finish his room?"

"Yes they did and it looks great. I think he will like it." Good I'm glad that everything is done for him. The men come up from downstairs and I see Balthazar has joined them all too. Ben runs over to me with a smile on his face. "That basement is awesome Lara." I smile, I'm glad he likes it. It looks like we will have a teenager to use it with his friends sooner than we thought.

I push myself up and walk over to Dean and he puts his arm around me. "Let's go see your room Ben." I suggest. We all clamor up the stairs to what was on the other path Gabe's and Cole's room. I point to the door to the right of his next to the top of the stairs. "That's your bathroom. We'll go pick out towels and other bathroom stuff for you tomorrow." We let Ben go in first. He takes everything in and he has a big smile on his face. They did a good job setting it up. They have his full bed in the middle of the room with night stand and desk flanking it. Ben must have had a computer because there is a computer set up on the desk. On the opposite wall they have his dresser filled with his clothes and two books shelves already filled with the photo books he wanted and other things from his room. I notice a picture of him and his mom and the nightstand and the one of him, Lisa, and Dean on the dresser. Bobby did a good job of picking a nice gray color that wasn't too depressing and it complements the blue bedding he has quite nicely.

Ben whips around and gives Dean and me big hug. "It looks great. Thanks guys." I pat his back and Dean replies. "It's your home too Ben. If there is anything you need or want just tell us." Ben smiles and continues to walk around his room. Sam puts Ben's suitcase next to the door and well all give him some time alone.

After a few hours it's obvious that Ben is exhausted. We all hung out and had dinner and desert. He's still recovering and tires easily. I finish cleaning up the kitchen and Dean takes Ben upstairs to make sure he's comfortable and show him where everything is in the bathroom.

I take the stairs and I check in on Ben and he's sound asleep. I smile and turn around down the hall to our room. Dean is already in his flannel pj bottoms and he looks at me excitedly when I come through the door and he jumps up and grabs me by the waist and kisses me. "You said once we get home Lara."

I laugh at him. "Dean I look like a whale how could you possibly want me right now." I say with a laugh. He smiles and leans down and kisses me again unbuttoning the white maternity shirt I have on over my black kangaroo pouch pants.

"You look stunning Lara and I always want you." He is quite the smooth talker. "And I believe it has been four weeks, two days, and I'd say one hour and 22 minutes since the last time I had you."

I laugh again. "You are ridiculous." I say into his lips but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want him too. He continues to undress me. He slides my shirt off and unbuttons my pants and slips them off of me and helps me step out of them. He puts his hands on my belly and kisses the top of it. "Don't worry he's asleep." I say to him. I know the books say that the baby doesn't know what's going if you have sex when you're pregnant but no one in those books was carrying the second coming of Christ.

He walks me to the bed and sits me down and sits behind me and rubs my shoulders. "How's your back sweet heart?" He whispers into my ear. He knows that my back has started hurting recently and he's been rubbing it frequently. "It's a bit sore but this is really helping." He continues to rub my neck, shoulders, and back but he slowly starts to kiss my neck and the back of my shoulders has well. I relax into him and start to moan.

He pushes me down on my back and the pressure of supporting my baby and me all day is alleviated. He gives me a cocky grin and leans down to kiss my mouth. "I've really missed being with you Lara."

I smile at him and pull his head down to kiss him again. "I've really missed you too Dean. I'm just glad we're all back home." He's always so kind and gentle with me. I know it's because he's scared if he isn't I'll snap and get caught in some living nightmare but it makes me feel so special that he's like that for me every time. In time I will be able to do more adventurous but for now I still need this. I need the sweet and the romantic.

I wake up a few hours later and I feel our crisp cotton sheets touching my naked skin and Dean is holding me from behind with his face buried into my shoulder blades. His body feels so warm and safe next to mine. John is kicking away happily inside of me. I slowly slip out from under his arm and look down at him and smile. I have what I never thought I could, a family. I pick up a bathrobe and go into the bathroom.

When I come out I head down the hall to check on Ben. It's his first night here and I want to make sure he's doing ok. I see a light on under his door and I knock ever so lightly on the door and I hear him tell me to come in. When I enter he looks kind of surprised to see me. "What are you doing up Lara?" He asks me.

I rub my stomach. "This little guy is wide awake and I thought I would get a snack do you need anything?" Ben shakes his head no but he looks sad. "Why don't you come down with me and have a snack with me." Ben agrees and follows me downstairs.

I pull out a carton of ice cream and a bag of chips and offer some to Ben. He takes some of the chips and relaxes on one of the bar stools at the counter. "So you couldn't sleep?" I ask him. I still can't believe we've adopted him. He's only 12 years younger than me I'm not even old enough to be his mother, but I really hope he lets me try to be. He doesn't look me in the eyes and continues to eat his chips. "You can tell me anything Ben." I say hoping he'll open up to me. Obviously something is going on.

He looks up at me and it looks like he might start to cry. "Are you sure you guys want me here? I mean you have a baby on the way and you guys just got married. I doubt you guys planned on having a 12 years old barge into your lives."

Poor guy he thinks we don't want him. I walk around the island and give him the best hug I can manage with my big belly. "Ben we are so excited to have you here. We know it's not the best of circumstances that you are here but we are so thrilled to have you in our lives. And you are going to be such a good big brother to John. Don't you ever worry that we don't want you because I swear that we do. We were so nervous that you would decide that you didn't want to be with us and that you would rather try to stay back home." He seems to be a bit more relaxed. "One of the best days of my life was the day I signed the papers saying I was adopting you and I know Dean feels the same way. So I don't want you to worry about that ever again. We both love you very much honey." He smiles at me and I can see that any hint of tears is gone. I can't believe how much my life has changed. Less than a year ago I was a prisoner living in a nightmare. Now I am wife and a mother of one boy and a baby to come, and I've never been happier.

I finish my ice cream and I show Ben where the remotes are. "I understand if you can't sleep Ben. You can stay up and watch TV if you want too. Dean and I are just right upstairs." I lean down on kiss his forehead. "Good night." I say to him.

"Good night Lara." He says to me while he finds a channel he likes. I start to head back upstairs and I'm stopped by three angels giving me dirty looks. "You should be in bed resting darling." Gabriel says to me and escorts me to the stairs.

I laugh them off. "I was hungry and I am fine. I am heading back to bed." Gabriel continues to help me up the stairs and I hear Balthazar behind him complaining about Dean. "He is so lazy. You should have woken Dean up and made him get you food. You shouldn't be up walking around at night. He's such a useless mud monkey sometimes."

Cas seems to agree. It's been cute to see Cas like this. When it was just him he acted like a big tough angel of the lord. Now they he is back with his older brothers he has relaxed and just seems happy. I think he missed having his family around. "He's right Lara you should have woken Dean up. What if you fell down the stairs or if your water broke in the kitchen."

I give them all a comical look. "I am pregnant not dying you guys. If my water broke I would have called for you and you guys would have taken care of it." They act like such mother hens with me. We get inside my bedroom and all three angels follow me in and Gabriel pulls back the covers.

Dean's eyes slowly open and he sees me getting into bed surrounded by three angels. His eyes get large. "What the hell are you guys doing in our room? I know we have discussed boundaries and this is definitely crossing them." He pulls the sheets up around him. The angels don't seem to care or notice that he is naked but I can see Dean is bothered by it.

I sit down on the bed and Gabriel tries to take off my robe but I stop him and shake my head. They don't need to see me naked either. Balthazar gives Dean a stern look. "She was up getting food by herself downstairs. You should have gotten up and gotten it for her. She is pregnant with your child Dean you should be more considerate of her."

Dean gives me a confused glance and I shrug my shoulders. Cas looks over at Dean. "He's right she shouldn't have to walk around alone at night."

I start to laugh. "You guys are driving me crazy. It's not like I am walking around a city by myself I'm walking around my own house! Go away." They all reluctantly leave and I slip off my robe and get back into bed next to Dean. He pulls me into him. God I love how his skin feels next to mine. "Why were you up?" He asks me.

I give him a kiss. "John was up and I was hungry. Ben's light was on so he came down with me for a snack."

"Next time wake me up I'll go down for you." I shake my head no. If all the men in my life had their way I would be chained to the bed and not allowed to move. "No Dean I am fine. If I can't do something I will tell you. But for now I can get up if I need to on my own."

Dean lays down behind me pulling me into him. He nuzzles into my neck and starts to kiss me. I can't help but moan. "Is John still up or did he go back to sleep?" He asks while he trails kisses down the side of my neck to the back of my shoulders.

"He's back asleep. The snack made him full and when he's full he sleeps." Dean moves his face back to my neck and nibbles on my ear from behind. "Good because I want his mom again at least twice before morning." He whispers into my ear and he pushes himself inside of me.


	58. Chapter 58

Dean's POV

Ben has been here for a month and things have gotten into a pretty smooth routine. We have him enrolled in school and they are letting him start once the next semester starts. Sammy has been tutoring him on the half a year he missed and the school agreed to let him take summer classes to test out of it without him falling to far behind. His mom had been home schooling him for the past half year or so and Sammy got him tested out of those subjects has well. I never thought having a smart brother would pay off so big!

Bobby and I have decided we are opening a mechanic shop. Lara is ridiculously excited and she has been helping us come up with plans for the shop and getting ready to open. I realized I needed a real job so I could support my growing family. Not only that Bobby and I decided we were going to get insurance for Lara, Ben, John, and me. Sometimes when I wake up I look in the mirror and I can't recognize myself. I'm smiling. I'm happy. And there is woman standing next to me brushing her teeth smiling right back at me happily.

Lara is already down stairs making breakfast. I don't know how she manages to always get up before me. It wasn't like she wasn't up just as late as I was, I made sure of it. I think back to the night before with a slight smirk. I never thought I'd be the kind of guy who could get off on just the girl getting off. Or that I'd be the kind of guy happy to sleep with the same woman every night. Every time I'm with her it just so incredible. She keeps apologizing to me that I have to be gentle with her but I'd be happy to just hold her hand for the rest of my life. I finish getting dressed and I jump down the stairs and she's behind the stove making pancakes and eggs. I come up behind her and wrap her in my arms and kiss the back of her head and rub my baby. "How are my beautiful wife and baby doing this morning?" I ask her.

I can feel her smiling. "We are doing great. Why don't you sit down and I'll make you a plate. I know you have a long day ahead of you. Bobby called me already twice this morning about ideas. Ben and Sam already ate they are downstairs working on math I think. Don't forget we're getting our tree tonight."

I take a seat at the counter and pull out my folder of stuff for the shop. Jody has gotten us the permits we need and we got approved for our loan yesterday. I can't believe we're actually doing it. "I'll be home around 5 and we can go pick one out. Are you and Ben going to go look for ornaments today?" Lara has been really excited about Christmas. She has never had one that she can remember and wants this one to be special. Thanksgiving was crazy. She had little turkeys and pilgrims all over the house. It made her so happy though that I couldn't tell her to take them down. We had everyone over including the three stooges also know has Cas, Balthazar, and Gabriel. She cooked enough food to feed the entire town. Jody brought the turkey and cooked it at her house so the smell wouldn't bother Lara. Her hatred of cooking meat has gotten even worse now that she's pregnant.

A little while after Christmas it will be a year since I meet her. I can't believe how much she has changed my life in that year. "Jody and Gabby are going to go with Ben and I to pick up some ornaments and some other decorations after breakfast. Sam said he was going to go with you." She says with a laugh. A few days ago Bobby and I came to the realization that we can fix anything with an engine but we quickly realized the business aspect of it isn't for us. So we asked Sam to be our business manager. Things have gotten real adult real quick.

I look over the paper. I haven't been on a hunt since Lara got pregnant. I feel relaxed but part of me kind of wants to go out and kill something because I'm used to it. I feel a slight breeze and I look up and three stooges are standing in my kitchen. Lara turns around and motions them to the table. "Sit down guys I'll make something for you too."

Cas and Balthazar start to refuse but Gabriel's sweet tooth gets the better of him and shushes them and gets them all to sit down. She puts my plate down first and goes back to finish making them breakfast too. Gabriel digs in and Cas and Balthazar eat with a little more dignity. "Are you guys coming with us shopping today?" Lara asks the angels.

They all look at each other and Cas looks back at her. "I will be going with you to make sure you are safe. The other two will stay here." They pretty much have one of them with her at all times. I know they are worried about her going into labor. Gabriel swears he has a safe place set up for her and that he and others will not have a problem delivering the baby but I am nervous about it. She makes an uncomfortable moan and grabs her back. All three angels and I are up in seconds around her. "What's wrong?" I ask her frantically.

She looks at all four us surrounding her and she starts to laugh. "Nothing, my back hurt for a second and the baby kicked. Will you guys give me some space?" We all start to back away but she grabs my shirt front before I get out of arms reach. "Well maybe everyone but you." She says sexily has she pulls me into her for a kiss.

At that moment Sam and Ben come up the stairs and Ben makes a gagging noise. "Don't you two ever stop? You're already pregnant. You guys are has bad as Sam and Gabby. Get a room." He says jokingly. I give him a smile and ruffle up his hair. "When you have a girl Ben you'll understand."

Sam walks over to Lara and gives her stomach a pat. "How are you guys doing?" He asks her has he grabs a muffin off the counter. She smiles and rubs her stomach. "We are doing fine. I have my GED test tomorrow. Can we practice some later tonight before hand?" She seems nervous but I know she'll do fine.

"Of course we can. After we get the tree set up we'll spend some time going over it." Sam says has he gives her a hug. I grab my keys and my folder and give Sam a nod telling him it's time to go. I give Lara one last kiss and we head to Bobby's. We've already cleared a large area at the front of the salvage yard to build our shop. It's going to attach on to the existing small structure that is already there for the salvage yard only it will be bigger and have more tools.

We all know we are still going to hunt sometimes but for the families we want to have this is best. When we get there Bobby is outside directing the lumber man where to put things. It's been an unseasonably warm winter and I think we can get this thing built pretty fast. After my time working on a construction crew for that year after I thought I lost Sammy I think I can build most of it myself. They can help me with the framing, insulation, and dry wall. Bobby has an electrician and HVAC friends who owe him favors. Sometimes I swear to God it's like Bobby is the godfather. Someone always owes him a favor. I'm worried one day he is going to tell me to put a horse head in some guy's bed!

We get a good amount of work done today. I was pleasantly surprised that Sam didn't bitch like a baby and he helped up set up the framing. Jody came by around lunch and brought us some sandwiches. She handed Sam a paper and he thanked her. I grabbed the paper and looked at him puzzled. "Substitute teacher application?" I asked him confused.

Sam turned red and looked to Jody for assistance but she just laughs. Sam looks back at me. "I'm good at teaching Dean. I've been teaching Lara and Ben and they are doing great so Jody is going to help me with the background test and I'm going to become a substitute teacher. Don't worry since I'll be a sub I can still take hunts when I want and I'll have time to work at the shop. It will be a good way for us to get a little extra money. Which with Ben and the new baby coming we are going to need all the extra money this family can get. Once the shop is up and running I will be doing mostly administrative work and won't be needed here every day for the day to day running of it."

He seems excited about it so I just shrug and let him fill out the paper work. Jody said that they do the background check through the police department and since she is the sheriff she'll make sure it comes back squeaky clean.

Sam and I pack up in to the impala after a long day and Bobby follows us back to my house in his truck. When I pull up I see Gabby outside putting up lights over the porch and I see that the trees in the front yard are already done and another pile of lights next to the bushes around the porch. I get out of the car and laugh up at her. "What are you doing?"

She looks down at me and snickers. "Why don't you go ask your wife? She's the one going all Christmas dictator on me." Sam walks over the ladder and I know he's going to help her finish.

I open the front door and I do a double take. This doesn't look like the house I left this morning. The banister on the stairs has berry garland wrapped around it the whole way up, the mantel has pine garland with angel's mixed in with it and a nativity scene in the center. There are Christmas throw pillows and a throw blanket that says noel on the couch. I follow the noise and the smell into the kitchen to see Lara and Ben baking cookies and three stooges eating cookies and drinking what smells like very spiked egg nog. "I really take offense to those angels's Lara. We look nothing like them. They are all women wearing big gowns playing instruments." Balthazar says rather whiny.

Gabriel lets out a snort. "And that nativity scene is absurd. The angel in that looks like a woman and I can tell you has the one who delivered him I was wearing a man at the time. And Joseph was a nervous wreck and they have him standing there all calm. Not to mention the fact that everyone is white when they were all Arabic! I mean seriously a picture of the Taliban is closer to the nativity that that one!"

Lara flashes them a pissed off look. "Well if you guys don't like you can leave. I like it and Ben likes it and" She puts her hand on her stomach. "John likes it. So there!" She says sticking her tongue out at them. Lara looks up when she sees me and walks over to me and points up. I see a spiky bush above us. "It's mistletoe, you have to kiss me." She says slyly. I lean down and kiss her softly. Maybe all these decorations aren't that bad.

"Is this my house?" I say jokingly. She hits me and brings me to the island and gives me a few cookies. Ben looks up at me excitingly. "We picked out tons of stuff Dean. Cas made us get a star for the top of the tree saying he drew the line at putting a branch up an angel's butt on the top of the tree." I look at Cas and he turns red and shrugs his shoulders.

"What it was getting prosperous. She already picked out the most ridiculous angels for the mantel and a nativity scene that looked nothing like the real one. So I had to draw a line somewhere." Lara laughs at him and continues to cut out sugar cookies.

Ben grabs me and starts to take me upstairs. "She got little trees for our rooms too. Come take a look at them." I follow him up stairs and he shows me his first. It's a small fake green tree with little glass balls on it and a star on top. He then drags me to my room and shows me that small silver tree with car ornaments on it. I let out a laugh. "Where did you guys find car ornaments?"

Lara must have walked up the stairs because she responds from behind us. "It's our secret. I just thought you would enjoy it." I grab her and give her a kiss. "I like it."

"Ben why don't you get your coat and shoes on and we'll meet you downstairs. We still have to go pick out our tree tonight." Ben runs out of the room to change. Lara gives me a sheepish look. "Sorry if I went a bit overboard. I'm just so excited. It's our first Christmas together has a family and I want it to be special."

I give her another kiss. "It will be special. Everything looks great. Sammy and I never really celebrated Christmas and I can see your doing a great job of making up for all the ones we have all missed." I finger the pendant that Sammy had given me when we were younger for Christmas. I threw it out once but Sammy saved it and gave it back to me once I cooled down.

Lara starts to tear up. She looks at me and smiles. "Sorry I'm crying again I'm just really excited. Ben and I are getting along really well. And he slipped today and called you dad. When we were in the store and we found the ornaments he beamed at me and said that dad would like them. He didn't even notice it."

I felt my chest start to swell. That's one title I've never been called and now I have one son with another on the way. "When we're out looking at trees I want to get an angel for the top of the tree and see how long it takes for the three stooges to get pissed." I say with a laugh. Lara laughs and swats at me but I know she'll let me have my fun.

I hear Ben jumping down the stairs and we quickly get changed and head out. We take the old beat up van because there was no way I was letting some sappy pine tree get my baby all sticky and scratched up. I know I need to get Lara a real vehicle soon. And quite frankly Sam and Gabby are going to need their own wheels soon too. I'll have to look around the salvage yard and see what I have to work with. Sammy, Gabby, Gabriel, Lara, Ben, and I all clamored into the van and head out. I guess Gabriel drew Lara duty this time. Lara did give Balthazar and Cas very detailed directions on how she wanted to the outdoor lights to look when we got back. They all moaned but I know they will do it for her. No one can refuse her because is she just so nice and cheerful about it all.

Lara and Ben examine each tree going up and down the rows and Gabriel and Gabby are drinking cider that they have set up at the tree man's office. Sam comes up next to me and slaps my back. "I can't believe we are going to have a real Christmas this year. I don't think we've ever had one unless you count those ones you tried to throw for me in the motels." I always tired but it never quite worked out just the right way.

"Yeah, I can't believe it either. Ben seems to be doing really well and it's been a long time since Lara has had a nightmare." Sammy smiles at me and looks at Gabby. "I think I'm doing better now Dean. I sometimes get confused but whatever Gabriel did to my brain I feel better."

"Good, that's all the Christmas presents I need this year. You were really scaring us." Sam shakes his head and Ben comes running up to us dragging me with him to get the tree they picked out. Lara is standing next to it with her hand on it guarding it from other tree buyers. I look down the row and laugh. "What? I couldn't risk someone taking it!" She says to me indignantly. I continue to laugh

"Ben go stand next to Lara I'll get your picture." Lara has a bunch of disposable cameras all around the house to get moments like this. He runs over and stands next to her and a snap a shot. I pick it up and carry it to go pay. While up front she also insists on getting a pine wreath for the front door and I buy it without even thinking.

We get home and Balthazar and Cas did everything just the way Lara asked. There are white icicle lights hanging from the porch and the two trees flanking the stairs to the porch have green lights on them. The bushes next to the trees all have red lights on them has well. Lara jumps out of the van and gives them both a big hug. "It's perfect! Thank you guys so much!"

Sam runs ahead and puts the wreath on the front door. "No now it's perfect." We all stay outside and stare at it a few minutes then we go into put the tree up and decorate it. While we were out Bobby and Jody came over and they are in the kitchen taking out Lara's cookies.

We all set up the tree and decorate it together and it feels like some strange family but it works. It's strange how two damaged brothers, three crack pot angels, three amazing woman, an old drunk, and an awesome kid can make a family. Sam and I set up the tree, Gabby and Ben put the lights on it, then all of us start to put the ornaments up. Even the angels are actively involved. Lara puts out cookies and egg nog and orders pizza for us all. When the angels aren't looking I make Sam, since he's so freakishly tall, put the angel we bought on the top of the tree.

It only takes about 5 minutes before all the angels notice it. They don't say a word and Balthazar squints his eye at it and goes up in flames. I rip it off the top of the tree and stomp the flames out. "No fair!" I yell at him while we're all laughing.

Balthazar gives me a cool stare. "Like we said we draw the line at having an angel with a branch up its arse." He then gives us all a wink and smile and puts the star on top.

Everything is going so well and fun until we all feel a change in the room and Raphael appears in front of us. Lara immediately puts Ben behind her and I run over to her and put my arms around her and the angels stand in front of her while Bobby, Jody, Gabby, and Sam slowly move around her flanking her and Ben from the angel. "What do you want Raphael?" I spit out. I have the uncontrollable urge to kill him.

He looks at his brothers and nods. "I am glad you are taking your role seriously Cas. Gabriel I am glad to see that you are alive brother." Gabriel doesn't seem to buy it and smirks. "Seriously Gabriel I am glad you are alive. We are the only arch angels left." He raises his eyebrows at Balthazar. "It surprises me to find you here Balthazar. But I guess I shouldn't be too surprised with how well you have bonded with their daughter's soul in heaven." This is the second time I've heard of Balthazar hanging out with my daughter and I don't like it.

Raphael's glance finally lands on Lara. "I have come to put my bid in."

Lara looks at me confused and looks back at Raphael. "What are you talking about?" I don't see Gabriel, Cas, or Balthazar move.

Raphael looks at us and gives us a cold smile. "Michael was supposed to be John's guardian but that is not going to happen now so I would like to put my official notice in that I would like to be his guardian angel."

A/N if you are reading it and enjoying it drop a review!


	59. Chapter 59

Lara's POV

He wants to be my son's what? I give him a confused look and grab onto Dean. It's only Raphael and I don't see any of his cronies with him this time. I don't want Ben around here with this angel. He is unpredictable and dangerous. I look over at Jody and Bobby. "Can you guys take Ben downstairs please?"  
>Ben grabs onto the back of my shirt. "Lara I don't want to leave. What if something happens to you guys?" I turn around and give him a hug. "Honey I need you to go with them. Nothing is going to happen I just want you safe." I kiss his forehead and he reluctantly lets goes and follows them downstairs. Now that Ben is out of harm's way I can focus more on the task at hand.<p>

Sam and Gabby are standing to my left and Dean is holding me to my right. Balthazar, Gabriel, and Cas are standing in front of me like an impenetrable line. I look through them to Raphael. "What do you mean you want to be his guardian angel?"

Raphael snickers at me. "I will let my brothers explain to you the history later but all of your children are assigned guardians that are ordered to protect the children, even if it means dying for them, it is a great honor to be a guardian for one of the Winchester children. Michael was supposed to be John's. It was the logical choice since he they were going to fight together in the apocalypse. With him gone the child needs a protector. Since he is partially mine," Has he says he's partially mine he leers at me. I can feel my skin start to crawl. Dean grabs me tighter. He still feels guilty that Raphael was in him our first time and I can tell he wants to rip his throat out. "I assume he will want to be bound to me and I will be his guardian."

I tense up. Do we tell him what Gabriel did? Gabriel starts to laugh so I guess that answers that question. "Raphael I took your essence out of the child. It was going to kill them both and the angelic part had to be removed. You messed up big time brother. Like when Zachariah forgot to kill Hitler's mother when she was pregnant big." Raphael's face stays stoic but I can see his wings slump for just a moment.

He looks back at me and sneers. "Regardless I get the chance to see if the child will bind with me."

I look up at Dean. I give him a pleading look. I don't want him near our baby. He looks at Raphael. "What is giving the child a chance to bind with you entail?" He asks through clenched teeth. Raphael lets out a low chuckle. "I touch her belly and if the child chooses me I will be his guardian if not than other angels will be coming to try for the position. The ones you have here are already claimed."

I clench onto Dean. I don't want him touching me. "Out of the question. I will not let you touch her or our child." Dean yells back at him. It all happens so quickly that I'm not sure what happened totally. Raphael lunged forward and Dean pulls me back while the angels in front of me try and block him. Then John sends a warning shot out of my body at Raphael and everyone stops. He looks at me stunned and stumbles back. He lets out a cough and blood is dribbling down his chin.

Gabriel looks at him and laugh. "There is your answer brother. The child doesn't want you." Raphael sneers at him and moves slightly to attack and again John sends a force out through me and it hits Raphael and sends him back again. Raphael looks disoriented and hurt. His body is slumped over and blood is coming out of his nose now. He looks at me angrily. "Other angels will be coming by to see if they can bind with the child. It has to be done before he is born."

"They have to knock first. I won't have them coming into our home and disturbing our life. If they want a chance they need to knock at the door at normal hours. And tomorrow I will be busy so they can't come till the day after." Raphael gives me an indignant look. "They don't have to knock." He says pointing towards the Gabriel, Cas, and Balthazar.

I laugh and shake my head. "No they don't, they are family." Raphael gives me a harsh look and disappears. The moment he leaves the strength and resolve I was feeling leaves and I start to feel weak. I was so afraid and so was John and all of the energy he used to hurt Raphael has left me feeling exhausted. If Dean hadn't been holding me up I don't know what would have happened.

He catches me and helps me to the couch and sits me down. Once he knows I'm safe he looks at Cas. "What is going on Cas? I think you guys have some explaining to do."

Gabby takes a seat next to me on the couch and puts a blanket around me. Dean is sitting on the other side of me and Sam plops down on the floor in front of Gabby. The three angels look at each other and stand in front of us.

Cas gives me a small smile and begins. "Well has you guys know the Winchester's are a hard family to keep alive. So when everything was decided and said and done your sets of children were set up with a guardian. This all happened millennia ago long before you were taken Lara. At the time the future was set and there was no reason not to set things in motion. The first three picks were obvious and easy. Michael would watch over John. They were going to fight and win the apocalypse together and their bond has always been strong. Then Gabe and Cole needed a guardian. It was suggested that I should be their guardian because we were similar in our mannerisms. They are both calmer souls that still have a fierce spirit. They bound with me instantaneously." Cas' face slightly softens when he spoke their names. I can tell he is thinking of them and they make him happy.

I give Cas a confused look. "You all keep saying binding and binded and bound what does that mean?" Gabriel smiles at me and knells down in front of me. "When the soul finds who they want to protect it there is a process where the grace of the angel and the soul of the human are marked together. For most humans we don't actually go through this process of assigning them guardians of their choosing but with you Winchester's we had too. The souls were too important to leave up to chance." I rub my stomach and feel John kicking inside of me.

Cas starts again. "Rick's and Luke's soul immediately picked Gabriel, probably because they are all a bunch of pranksters. Seeing those two with Gabriel is quite the sight. The things they got into to up there in heaven." Cas starts to laugh to himself and I guess he is remembering the shenanigans that Rick, Luke, and Gabriel had gotten into.

Gabriel gives Cas a playful elbow in the in the stomach. "We didn't mean to break dad's throne it just kind of happened." He said sheepishly.

Balthazar rolls his eyes at Gabriel. "Yes it shattering in a thousand pieces with you three standing over it just kind of happened."

Dean stars to shift uncomfortably next to me and points at Balthazar. "How did you end up with Daphne then?" I know that Dean doesn't like hearing about Balthazar and Daphne and honestly it makes me chuckle to myself. If we get lucky and get to have all of our children he is going to be so ridiculously protective of her.

Balthazar looks at Cas and Cas shakes his head. Balthazar looks back at us and sighs. "Daphne was tricky. She was going to need the most protection out of all your children..."

Dean looks at him frantically. "What do you mean the most protection?" Balthazar chuckles and looks at Dean. "She is the youngest Winchester. Not only that, the only girl out of 5 brothers and her dad is you. She would have been the most likely target of any attack. All of you would walk on hot coals for her. All of you would kill and be killed for her. The last thing heaven needed was you or John making some ridiculous deal to save her and derailing everything. She needed to be kept safe at all costs because she is you and your boys' biggest weakness. There was even a time when Zachariah suggested that she not be allowed to be born because of that risk. Luckily there was enough supporters who agreed with us that she would be fine." I think it over and that makes sense.

Balthazar stops for a moment and he goes somewhere in his head. He's quiet for a moment and restarts. "There was tournament in heaven. All of us participated but in the end only 5 of us passed and moved on to the next level. It was grueling. The only exceptions were Cas, Gabriel, and Michael since they were already assigned. Some of the angels even perished during the tournament. We had to pass combat with angels, combat with demons, combat with humans, endurance tests, intelligence test, just about any test you could imagine. It took a 1000 human years to finish. At the end the 5 of us left were finally allowed to meet her soul. We were brought into the temple where the souls are kept and sat down in a row. Christ, well I guess John, brought her soul in. It was so bright and happy. The soul is such a powerful thing. Her soul transformed itself in to a little girl that was holding on to John for dear life. She was nervous to be meeting us and kept her face buried in his neck at first. He walked her by all 5 of us. When she came to me she flared out and grabbed onto me and we binded. Since then I have had access to seeing her every so often just like my brothers had access to their charges. When we thought Lara died we never thought the children would be born and we were all given the task to tell our wards that it looked like they wouldn't be needed after all." Balthazar looks troubled. I need to remember to ask him about that later when we are alone.

Dean pulls me to him and squeezes me. I can tell he doesn't like to think about our children's soul's being upset. "So basically John needs to bind with another angel while his soul is still free before he is born. But I thought that he is able to protect himself." They all shake their heads.

Gabriel comes over to me and touches my stomach. "Right now he is growing but he is not totally complete yet. When he is born his body and soul will fully unite but he will be like a normal baby. He won't be able to talk and walk. But yes he will be able to kill demons and will have unimaginable power but it will not be something he will have control over. It will be something that just reacts. It will not be until he is much older that he can control it and older still that he will truly know who he is and what he can do. Until that time he needs protected. Everyone knows who he is and what he can do he will need an angel to act as a guard, confident, and friend. We learned last time that it was lonely for him on earth once he knew everything and decided this time an angel would accompany him."

I grab Dean's hand and rub John with my other. I don't want him to be lonely. I look at the clock it is getting late. "Ok this has been fun but we all need to get to bed. I have a test tomorrow and it appears that we might be having unexpected visitors coming now. Dean why don't you go get Ben and make sure he's ok. I'll meet you upstairs in a little bit." Dean kisses me and reluctantly goes to get Ben. I watch Sam and Gabby go downstairs and Ben and Dean go upstairs. I let Bobby and Jody out and tell them everything will be fine.

When everything is calm I look at the angels in front of me. "Cas, Uncle Gabe, can you give Balthazar and I a minute please?" They all give me a confused look and they all tilt their heads to the left side at the same time. I let out a chuckle and Cas and Gabe disappear.

I point to the couch and Balthazar takes a seat next to me. "Why did you look so sad? What happened with Daphne?" I didn't want him to have to talk about it in front of the others but I wanted to know.

Balthazar has a slight frown on his face and is quiet for a few minutes. "I never thought I would be picked. I wasn't the best angel." He looks up at me with a sheepish smile. Based off what I have heard about him he was a bit of rouge angel sometimes. " I was surprised when I was one of the five who passed and I was even more surprised when she picked me. Castiel told me that she knew what she was doing when she picked me but it always worried me. I always felt she should have picked a better angel. In the end maybe if she had picked a better angel they would have noticed what Zachariah was up to and you never would have been taken. We were all busy, I mean we were angels, but we all made time for our charges when we could. I would go and visit her sometimes. It's good for the bind we share. She is very sweet and incredibly spunky. Us guardians and those that passed the final test for Daphne were told to watch over you. I look back now and I think maybe one of the reasons Zachariah betrayed you was because he was jealous that Daphne didn't want him. When we thought you died." He stops for a moment and looks uncomfortable sitting there. "It was hard on all of us. They took us to our charges because they thought we would have an easier time telling them what happened than another angel. Her and I had spent thousands of years believing one thing and it was a shock to find out she would never be born. Telling her she was never going to be born was the hardest thing I have ever done."

I grab his hand. "I'm sorry Balthazar. I can only imagine how difficult that was." I don't want to imagine what that would have been like. Telling my poor children that I was dead and they were no longer going to be born.

He squeezes me hand back. "She was so excited to see me. That last time I had seen her I had promised I would come back soon to spend the day with her. She had a favorite garden in heaven that she liked to relax in and I promised I would take her. When I came into the temple she was sitting with her other brothers' souls. John was standing behind them, I could tell by his face he knew. Castiel, Gabriel, and I came into the temple and they all got to their feet and came over to us. Daphne jumped up and ran over to me giving me a tight hug. She is so free with her emotions. I felt so bad I couldn't even hug her back. That's when she knew something was wrong. She looked up at me with her big eyes, in those last years she started to take on her adult form and she had your eyes, and asked me what happened. All the boys stopped in front of their guardians, they could tell something was wrong. We explained to them that there was a horrible accident and that everything had changed. We each took our charges separately. I took her to the garden and sat her down on a swing. When I told her that she wasn't going to be born she stopped swinging and she refused to speak and has far as I know she hasn't spoken since that day. She just sat there. I brought her back to the temple and the boys flocked around her to take care of her. They could tell she was devastated. Zachariah told us that we were no longer to see our charges because it would be too difficult on all of us since they weren't needed anymore. There was debate about reassigning their souls and allowing them to be born to other people but they all refused to be separated especially if John wasn't going to be born at all. I snuck in once to see her and make sure she was alright. She saw me and motioned me over to her. I sat down next to her and she put her head on my shoulder and started to cry. When she was done she just got up and walked away."

My poor baby, she is so sad. "Can they be born now?" I ask him hopefully. He shrugs his shoulders. "I think so but no one has informed me of any changes. I haven't had the courage to ask Gabriel, I have just a bit of hope and I don't want it smashed yet."

I squeeze his hand again. "Balthazar I swear to you that I will do what I can to make sure she is still born. I don't want her sad like that either. Did I ever meet them while my soul was there too?"

He smiles at me. "Yes you did. All human souls are kept in the same temple. It protects them from things that would want to harness their power. They flocked to you. All of them did. Not just your children but so many of the souls loved to just be around you. You were like a sun up there keeping all of your children warm and safe. Dean was there too. He was born before you but before that time he was with you and the children. Sam's soul was allowed with you all has well but he was so sad knowing what he was going to do. He knew what he was going to do and he had a hard time accepting it. John would reassure him that what he was doing would bring heaven to earth but it's hard to know you were born to start the apocalypse. Many of the other souls ostracized him because of what he would do but you were always so kind to him. They were so sad when you were taken from them and shoved into a human body but you promised them you would see them soon. The children would beg for stories of what you and Dean were up to on earth and we would tell them. Before you were born they children's souls would lay all around you and we would tell you all about what Dean was up too. When they found out you had died and no one could find your soul they all became very sad. I assume that someone has told them that you are live now but I haven't been to heaven for a long time."

I lean over and give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "I'm very tired and I need rest. Don't you worry about Daphne, she sounds strong. We will make it up to all of them once they are born." I emphasis the word once for him. Its strange Balthazar never seemed like the emotional type to me. It surprises me how much he seems to care for her and how bad he feels for her.

I start to walk up the stairs and run into Uncle Gabe. He smiles at me and helps me up the stairs and we stop in front of my room. "He's very sad Uncle Gabe. Has anyone told the children I'm alive? Can I still even have them?"

He kisses me forehead. "I have seen to it that they know you are alive darling. They are all very excited at the prospect of being reunited with you and Dean. And yes you can still have them. Some things will be different but you can have them." He gives me a wink. "Balthazar will be fine. He was very close to his charge and it has been weighing on him." I smile and head into my room.

Dean is laying in bed looking over construction documents. He smiles at me when I come in. "What took you so long?" He asks me. I walk over and lean down and give him a kiss. "I just needed to talk to the stooges." He smiles and I walk into the bathroom.

I pull my hair up and wash my face. When I'm done I put lotion on my face and the rest of my body giving extra attention to my stomach. I don't want huge stretch marks. I change into one of Dean's t-shirts that is now very stretched over my stomach and brush my teeth. I look in the mirror and can't help but smile. Somehow life is what I always wanted. I'm living my dream now.

Dean is humming to himself in the bedroom and I can't help but chuckle. I turn off the light and he's in the bed tapping his hand to the beat of a song and humming along. He sees me come into the room and gives me a sheepish smile. "Don't stop on my account." I say with a laugh.

I walk down the hall to just check on Ben once more and come back into the room. "Hey Dean?" I don't know quite how to broach this subject. He looks up from his papers. "I was talking with the stooges about some stuff and I was wondering… well I was wondering if umm… well about…"

He throws the papers down on his side of the bed and grabs me down next to him. He nuzzles into my neck and gives me a kiss. "You want to know if I want to have the all the kids?" I shake my head yes and tense up for a moment. "Of course I do. Hell once John comes out I say we start working on it right away."

He slides his hands under my shirt and grabs my breast and kisses my jaw line."You smell good Lara." I smile and lean into him. "I have to get up early tomorrow Dean I have my GED test."

Dean smiles into my neck and pulls my face to his. "I will just have to be quick now won't I? Anyways it's good practice for when have to start to working on the others. I would hate to think that we weren't practiced enough." He says with a wink. I laugh and kiss him back. "You have 10 minutes then I'm going to sleep." He pulls me on top of him and brushes the hair from my face.

"Honey in 10 minutes you'll be begging for more." I don't know how he always seems to do it but he makes me feel beautiful.


	60. Chapter 60

Dean's POV

She has been in there for hours now. She wouldn't let me come in with her. Apparently I would make her nervous just sitting there. I was able to convince her to let Cas go with her though. He was none to pleased when I explained to him that he would need to sit there and pretend to take the test has well. But he did it anyways because it was his duty.

I spent most of the morning at Bobby's working on the shop but I needed to drop her off and pick her up. I need to hurry up and get her a vehicle. She is not going to be happy with me but I have a few hours to celebrate with her.

Lara has been so nervous and excited about this test. She insists that she needs to have at least high school diploma to be a good mom. She's worried that Ben and John won't respect her and want her help with their homework if she doesn't. I don't know what some piece of paper is going to do to make them want her help but she seems to think it does. Sam told me not to push her about it. He seems to think it is one of those normal things that she wants to have under her belt.

People start to trickle out of the door and I see Lara and Cas coming out. I get out of the car and lean against the hood waiting for them to come over. Lara's eyes are wide with excitement and her entire face is lit up in a smile. When she sees me she lets out a shriek and hurries over to me. She grabs me in a tight hug and kisses me passionately. "I passed Dean! I passed!"

I hug her back and kiss her forehead. "I'm so proud of you sweetheart. I knew you would do great. How did he do?" I asked nodding my head towards Cas.

Lara starts to chuckle and Cas' face get's red. "The questions were so irrelevant." I give him a shocked look. "You failed?" I asked with a laugh. Cas gives me a stern look and Lara hits my stomach. "Well Cas I guess Sam can help you study and you can try again." He gives me another dirty look and disappears.

"Don't pick on him Dean. He feels silly that he couldn't pass a human test." I put my arms around her and give her another hug. "Well I'm proud of you baby. I have a whole celebration planned for you tonight. But first we gotta go home."

I open the passenger side and she gets it and I run over the driver side and take us home. When we walk in everyone is there. Bobby, Jody, Gabby, Sam, Ben, Cas, Gabriel, and Balthazar are all standing in the living room with a congratulations sign hanging up behind them. Lara lets out a laugh and looks up at me. "Did you do this Dean?" She asks happily.

I shrug my shoulders and she gets on her toes to give me a kiss. Ben grabs her hand and takes her to the kitchen table where there are some presents. She looks at all of us. "You guys didn't have to get my anything. It's just my GED."

Bobby gives her a hug. "You never got a graduation so let us spoil you a bit." He pulls a chair out for her and makes her take a seat.

Ben hands her a present. "Open mine first Lara." He says excitingly. She gives him a smile and quickly rips of the paper bringing out a frame for her newly acquired diploma. I was with him and he picked it out all by himself. She looks at him and tears come in her eyes. She grabs him for a hug. "It's perfect Ben thank you so much." Ben smiles then shakes it off like a teenage boy and sits back down at the table.

He hands her another package from Gabby. She rips the paper off and it is two large books. Lara gives Gabby a big hug. "Thank you these are great. I don't have a dictionary or thesaurus." I can't help but chuckle. I never thought I would meet someone other than my brother to be excited to get something like that.

Jody grabs Lara's hand. "You need to come with us to get the rest of your present." Lara stands up and gives me a confused smile. "Bobby, Sam, Dean, and I thought you would need somewhere to study if you decided to go further in your studies." She takes Lara downstairs to the small bedroom next to Sam's and Gabby's much larger room. I open the door and she walks in and gasps.

We converted the room into a small study. We built a desk and bought her a computer and printer with a few book shelves. The angels got some idea in their head to get her a project table to do crafts and other projects on with the kids. Gabriel insisted that she would like to do something I think he called book scrapping. Or scrapping books, hell I don't know but it's something like that. She whips around and grabs on to me. She looks at everyone. "Thank you all so much this is wonderful."

I lean down and kiss her forehead. "That's not all Lara." She looks up at me and smiles. "I don't need anything else Dean."

I grab her wrist and attach a new charm to it. It's a little graduation cap. She starts to tear up and gives me a kiss. She looks at the others in the room. "Can you give us a minute?" Everyone agrees and heads up stairs.

Once everyone leaves she shuts the door and grabs me and pushes me against it and starts to kiss me. "This is too much Dean." She mutters into my lips has she kisses me. "I love you so much Dean."

I know I shouldn't want a pregnant woman this much but I can't help myself. She's still gorgeous. Who would have thought I'd have a pregnant fetish someday. We just never got time together before everything happened. We had just one week at the beach. One short week of just us. Since her stomach is has large has an eight and half month pregnant woman we have had to be creative in our love making. "Is he awake Lara?" I ask her out of breath. I need to stop now if he's awake because I won't be able to in a minute.

"Sound asleep." She whispers into my ear. That's all I needed to hear. I push her backwards keeping me hand on her back so she doesn't lose her balance. I quickly unbutton her shirt and pull down her pants. She's equally has frantic with my clothes and soon we are both naked in the middle of our new at home study.

She pulls me over to the desk and continues to kiss me. I turn her around and bend her over the desk. Before I go any further I lean down to her ear. "Are you alright with this Lara?" I don't want to upset her. I usually try to keep things upstairs in bed where I know she is comfortable and feels safe. She turns her head around and manages to kiss me. "I am more than alright with this." She says with a smile.

When we're done we slink down onto the floor and pull her into me. We lay there for a few minutes just breathing. "You doing alright sweetheart?" I ask her slightly worried. I got a little more carried away than normal. I try to keep myself in check but she just puts me in frenzy sometimes. I didn't mean to but I slightly bit into her shoulders. She doesn't say anything. I quickly sit up and look down at her frantically. "I'm really sorry Lara it won't happen again."

She finally opens her eyes at me and smiles. "Don't you dare apologize! That was amazing." I relax and lay down pulling her into me again. "We should get back upstairs though. There is a party up there for me and everything." She says with a laugh.

We slowly get dressed and I take time to kiss the few bite marks on her shoulders. She shivers against me and I tense for a moment but I realize it's not in a bad way. We get back upstairs and Sam gives me a knowing smile and the others go on pretending like we didn't just disappear for thirty minutes at her party and came back upstairs looking disheveled.

The get together lasts a few more hours. "Lara why don't we go change?" She gives me a puzzled look. "Why do we need to change?"

I grab her hand and bring her upstairs. "I am taking you out to celebrate." She starts to protest. "Don't worry Sam and Gabby are going to watch Ben. They are going to have a star wars movie marathon."

I change quickly and go downstairs to hang out until she's done. It takes me the next 10 minutes to convince the stooges that one of them don't need to come on our date and that we will keep our cell phones on. I had to practically swear a blood oath that if she goes into labor I will call them immediately. Lara comes down the stairs and I can't help but smile. She looks beautiful. She has a black dress on that is low cut enough to make me want more but not so low that she would be embarrassed in front of Ben. She even did her makeup and her hair is in loose curls.

She says goodnight to everyone and checks on Ben in the basement. They have already started the first movie and they all seem happy. I finally get her to myself and we head out. We pull into the small Italian restaurant in town and the host seats us.

When the waiter comes I recognize him. He's the one we had the first time we were came here. "What would you guys like to drink?" He asks staring at Lara's breasts. They are bigger than normal and her dress definitely brings attention to them. "We'll have two cokes." I say to him and he must have noticed the bit to my tone of voice and stops looking at her.

"I've had you guys before haven't I?" He asks me trying to change the subject.

I grab Lara's hand over the table and look back at the waiter. "We came here on our first date and you were our waiter." He shakes his head and laughs. "Well I see that date must have gone well." He said pointing to Lara's very pregnant stomach. If you didn't know the truth it would appear I pretty much knocked her up on that date. He smiles and leaves to get our drinks.

Lara smiles at me and blushes. "I wanted that night to be a date so bad. I was so nervous getting dressed and when you gave me your jacket and put your arm around my shoulders I thought my heart would beat out of my chest. I went to sleep with a huge smile on my face."

I lean across the table and kiss her. "When you come downstairs in that skirt I had to fight the urge not to try and convince you to hook up with me in the back of the impala instead of going to dinner."

The waiter drops off our cokes and we order our food. I let us have an enjoyable meal before bring up the inevitable. "Lara honey I am going to have to go away for a few days." She looks at me panic stricken. I grab her hands. "There is a hunt that Sammy and I need to go on."

"Where do you, um I mean what do you, um oh god, what is it you need to do?" I can tell she's scared and about to cry. "There is a nest of vamps a few states over that have gotten out of control and there is no one experienced enough nearby to send. "

Tears start to well in her eyes and I get up and slide in next to her at the table. "I know it's not a good time sweet heart but we have to go take them out." She puts her face in my shoulder and cries. "Can I go with you?" She asks me.

I shake my head no. "It's not safe for you to come. Not with you being pregnant and with Ben. I promise it will just be a few days and I will be back. Bobby, Jody, and the stooges will be here for you though." She grabs on to my tightly. I feel horrible. I wish I didn't have to leave. "No you take the angels I don't want to have to worry about you." She says through tears.

"I'll take Cas and the others can stay here with you. Don't worry it will only be a few days. We'll go put them down and then come right back. If you go into labor I will have Cas bring me right back." A part of me is kind of excited to go hunting again but another part of me is nervous. We haven't been on a hunt for awhile and I was kind of getting used to living a normal life.

"How will I sleep without you?" She asks me quietly. That is something I have been worried about. Time and time again it has been proven that we don't sleep well without each other. "It will just be a few nights sweet heart and I'll be right back."

"When do you leave?" Lara realizes I am going to have to go. "Tomorrow morning, early." I say sadly. I wish I didn't have to leave but the job just doesn't let you retire.

She leans in a captures my lips. "So we have a few hours than." I smile into her lips. "Yes we do. Let's go home."

* the next morning*

"Dean if anything happens to you I am going to kick your ass!" Then she directs her anger at Cas. "If he dies I am going to take it out on your ass Cas!"

Cas gives me a scared look and then looks back to Lara. "Don't worry I will bring him back to life if anything happens." I can't help but laugh. She has been reminding me all night not to get hurt.

"Please take Balthazar and Uncle Gabe with you too. I would feel better if you had them all with you." She says to me with a pout. I laugh and pull her into me and kiss her. "Honey I have been hunting since I was a kid and never needed an angel let alone three of them with me."

Gabriel lets out a loud laugh. "Dean how many times have we brought you and your brother's asses back to life?" I give him an angry look. "Not helping here Gabriel not helping at all." He continues to laugh and Lara starts to cry again.

"Lara I will be home in a few days and everything will be fine. Why don't you go back to sleep. You didn't get a lot of rest last night." I say with a wink. She kisses me. "I love you sweet heart. I'll love you forever." I whisper into her ear.

"You better call me every five hours and if I call you that phone better be picked up within 3 rings. If you die or get hurt I am going to hunt you down Dean Winchester. So come back home soon. And I love you too and will miss you every second you are gone." She gives me another desperate kiss and I turn around and leave.

Gabby, Sam, and Cas are already in the car and I pull out of the driveway watching Lara leaning on Bobby and Jody. She's crying but she is waving to me. I hate having to put her through this but this is what we do. We hunt evil sons of bitches and kill them.

When I'm down the street Gabby moves forward and grabs me arm. "What did you tell her?" I let out a long sigh. "That we were going after vampires a few towns over."

Gabby nods her head and sinks back into the seat behind her. I look over at Sam and he gives me a reassuring smile but I feel guilty. Sam grabs my arm. "We had to lie Dean. It's best if she doesn't know the truth."

A/N I hope you are all still enjoying my story. Thanks to everyone who reviewed last time it really brightens my day. Don't forget if you're interested I have the other story up, born free, which is an au to the other path for my story.


	61. Chapter 61

Sam's POV

The waking dreams are the worst. I try to ignore them and pretend they don't exist but they make it hard to know what is real and what isn't. Gabriel has helped with them tremendously. He explained to me that he was trying to rebuild that wall but it would be a weaker wall and that things have already crawled over. He can't take away what's made it over but he can try to keep more from coming. He told me that John would be able to fix me permanently at one point, but I don't want to get my hopes up. He'll just be a baby and I can't expect anything to change for years. I just don't want to put that kind of pressure on my nephew. I need to get better on my own for Gabriella. She is so excited about getting married this spring and she has been by my side for everything. I have to give her a romantic and calm marriage ceremony and I want to give her a great life. I tried to beg her to leave me when I was really bad. I didn't want to hurt her anymore. But she stayed; she stayed next to me through everything. She still loves me after everything. After every punch, every threat, every walking nightmare of it she still loves me.

When Raphael first fucked with me head I was out for a week. Every second of that week was torture. It all hit me, everything that happened. It was like a flood of horrid things took over me. Hell is a horrible place and spending it with Lucifer and Michael who hate me is even worst. I tried to protect Adam but I failed miserably. I know that now. Before I knew what happened I could hope that maybe just maybe Adam made it out, but he didn't. My soul was there for a year and half it was like 180 years. Every one of those years was worst then the previous. New tortures were invented and tested on us. It's indescribable. How can you explain what it is like to be in so much pain that you wonder if all you are is the pain? The soul ceases to exist under that kind of ache. It's just the raw torture inflicted on the body that exists anymore. My name, my life, everything about me ceased to exists and all that was left of me was the pain. The only thing that would bring me back was Adam's screams. He didn't deserve that. He did what the angels asked of him. Michael should have protected him that bastard. I tried to explain that to them. I begged them to forgive Adam and take it out on me. He did for a long time but they got bored with me. They wanted something new to fill their time with and he was an innocent kid they could fuck with.

My waking nightmares tell me that this is a dream. That I am in the cage and Adam is being tortured next to me. Sometimes I see flashes of Adam's wrecked body lying next to me. His eyes glossed over from being tortured with tears pouring out of them. Then I look around and I'm with Gabriella again. I know for a fact that they would do this sometimes. They would make elaborate stories for me and I would think I was out. At first it was small things. Like I would be out on a particular hunting trip with Dean or maybe I was hanging out at Bobby's for a weekend. Then they got more elaborate. I would be redoing my junior year of school or I would be back with Dean on the road trying to stop the apocalypse. They broke me when I went five years thinking I was still with Jess. It took her six months to convince me that everything was just a bad dream and it was in my head. We got married and even had kids. It was a beautiful life. I was a lawyer in San Diego and we were so happy. Dad and Dean came to my wedding. Dean was my best man and dad and I actually got along. We had a baby boy and he was so handsome. Two weeks before they brought me back to reality we had a little girl. She looked so much like Jess. Then one morning Lucifer and Michael showed up when I was at court. They dragged me out of my life and brought me back to hell. It made it worst then before. After I found out that life they made for me with Jess was fake I became numb. I had been happy. I had a family. It took them another 50 years to make me talk again. I was so numb that I laid there like a dead fish while they pealed the flesh from my muscles and pealed the muscles from my bones and did it again the next day. They became more inventive when I refused to speak and respond to their torture. They would burn me alive starting at my feet and slowly moving up my body. I never knew how much the human body could take. I would stay alive until it reached my heart. They were smart though. Start with the feet and the legs. Then go to the hands up to the shoulders. That's when you start on the torso. It kept me alive longer.

It wasn't until they started on Adam that I came back. He is my little brother. I didn't know him before we went to hell but by God I know him now. I know everything about him. We had 180 years to get to know each other. We would lay there in the dark after they tortured us and just talk. He's a good kid. I wish I knew how to safe him too. When I first came back from my five year stint and I was comatose they started torturing him in front of me every day. They didn't touch me at all. They just propped me up and made me watch them torture him. At first I sat there like a vegetable drooling on myself. After a few years of that I was able to come to again. It was his screams that brought me back. They did things to him that I didn't think was possible. One time they slowly lowered him into a vat of acid and he closed his eyes because he was scared. They pulled his mutilated body out and cut of his eye lids and put him back in so he could see what was happening to his body. Once I came to again they started on me again.

Could this be just another one of their tricks? They never used people I never meet before I fell into the cage. It was always people I knew. Dad, Dean, Jess, Mom, Bobby, even Ruby, all people I knew. This is different. I never meet Gabriella so how can she be fake if they had nothing to pull from? I look back at Gabriella and I remind myself that she is real. Lucifer is sitting between her and Cas laughing at me. I tell myself he's fake but I really don't know if he is. I rub the fresh cuts on my arm hoping one of the scabs will catch the fabric of my shirt and bring a little twinge of pain through my arm. If they pull me back and I am in hell I won't come back. I will become a shell and I will never recover. There is no way to recover losing Gabriella, losing this life. At night when I hold her I can't stop myself from inhaling her scent and committing it to memory, I trace her body making sure I know every curve of her it. If Michael and Lucifer come and take me back to the cage I will need those memories to go to. I will shut down and put myself with her in my head. I will disappear and cease to exist. It won't matter what they do to me and it won't matter what they do to Adam in front of me because I will be so far gone I won't even see it let alone hear it.

My thoughts are interrupted by Dean's phone. It has consistently ringed every hour. He picks up and I can tell it is Lara by his tone of voice. I have known him my whole life and I have never seen him like this, not once. He is happy, he is calm, he is in love. His voice changes with her, it goes almost soft and it's gentle. That's one of the ways I know this has to be real. I couldn't even in my wildest dreams imagine Dean like this. "Yes sweetheart I am safe." She must be drilling him again. I smile, she loves him too. "Yes honey we are going to stop in a bit for the night." I look at the clock I can't believe we've been on the road for 10 hours already, I must have really zoned out. "I will sleep with the phone next to my head and you can call me anytime you want to… Yes even if it's just to tell me you miss and hang back up… I love you and I will call you later sweet heart. Now try and get some sleep." He hangs up the phone and gives me a sheepish smile. "She misses me that's all." He says with a big grin.

I feel bad that we lied to her, but if she knew what we were really doing she would have demanded that she come and it's not safe for her right now. We're not even hundred percent positive that we are going to find it there but I'm pretty sure we will. All the signs are there. "Dean can we pull over? I need the bathroom and I'm getting hungry." He smiles at me and drives a few miles till we find a cheap dinner on the side of the road. Honestly I just needed to get away from Lucifer.

We head in but Cas grabs me. "You saw him didn't you?" He asks me. I give him a defeated shake of my head. He grabs my arm and pulls up my shirt dragging a knife down my inner arm. There are so many scars and cuts on it currently. "Sam this is real. I promise you that it is. She is real." The pain helps. It reminds me this is real. It feels so sharp and clear. Pain is the one thing that in those hallucinations that feels hazy. Love can feel real in dreams, hate can feel real, happiness can feel real, but pain feels hazy. So it has to be real. "Thanks Cas" I say quietly.

I drop down in the booth next to Gabriella and pull her into me. She is my missing half, the perfect piece to sooth my soul, and I kiss the side of her face. Dean grunts in front of me. "Way to rub it in that you still got your girl with you." He says jokingly.

Gabriella laughs and throws her napkin at him. "Do you want to get two rooms tonight then? Sammy and I in one and You with Cas in the other? That way we don't rub it in." Dean rolls his eyes at her. "No princess we will share a room tonight. We're close and if they sense we are coming we will be safer together. You two better just keep your privates separate tonight. I don't want to be hearing any si Sammy, me gusta like that Sammy tonight." She laughs again and I can't help but smile.

Dean's POV

We have been on the road for over 12 hours and I miss her so much it feels like insides are being ripped out. I have gone soft. It only took a few months of a regular life to do it to me but I have. I never changed like this with Lisa. But with Lara, I just want to get back home to her. I haven't pulled over because to be honest I don't want to sleep without her. She's made it so I can't sleep without her little body curled up next to mine.

Sam and Gabby are starting to drift off and I know I am getting sleepy too. I find the next motel and pull over. Cas jumps out of the car and gets a room key for us. We get into the room and we all take turns changing and getting ready. Gabby and Sam cuddle up into the far bed. I can see the pain and need on my brothers face. Gabby is his glue and she is keeping him whole. I will never be able to thank her for what she has done for my little brother. I see him take a deep breath and inhale her scent and his hands go up and down her side. He finally relaxes and goes to sleep.

Cas is sitting down on the couch about to zone out. I go into the bathroom and call Lara. I promised her I would call before I went to bed. She picks up on the second ring. "Hey Lara we are at a hotel. We are headed to bed and we're just two hours away from our hunt tomorrow." I hear her try to hold back tears on the other end. "What's wrong sweetheart. Why are you crying?"

"I had a nightmare Dean. It was horrible. I think John is upset because he is kicking around and I feel sick. I was throwing up for like 20 minutes. I know it's because he's sad and upset and I can't calm him down." She sounds petrified.

"Put the phone next to your tummy sweetheart." I give her a minute to put it there. "John it's daddy. Mommy is ok she is just a bit sad without me. You don't have to be scared she just had a bad dream. Now you rest John." Dammit I shouldn't have left. I hear Lara pull the phone back to her ear. "Sweetheart why don't you go get Gabriel and see if he will stay with you for the night."

I can almost see her shaking her head no. "I don't want Gabriel I want you Dean." The pain in my heart makes me want to double over but I can't. "I know sweetheart but I'll be home in a few days. I'll have the phone next to my head so call anytime. I love you so much Lara, I'll love you forever."

"John feels better Dean. He's calmed down." There's a moment of silence on her end then she takes a deep breath. "Dean can you stay on the phone with me? Just keep it on and put it next to your head." I can hear the pain in her voice.

"Of course honey. I'll plug it in and we can stay on the phone together all night. If you need me just say my name and I'll wake up and talk to you." I can hear her relax. "I'm sorry I'm weak Dean."

"You're not weak Lara. You are the strongest person I know. Now let's get some sleep. Are you in bed already? Is your phone plugged in?"

I can hear the smile in her voice. "Yep my phone is plugged in and I'm back in bed. You can ask for me to if you need me too. I'll put my phone on speaker."

After I plug my phone I put it on speaker and put it on the pillow next to my head. Cas gives me a really confused look and I don't respond to him. "Good night John I love you. Good night Lara I love you."

"I love you too Dean."

I lay in bed awake for a few minutes until I hear the rhythm of breathing from her sleeping on the other side. I feel so guilty. She hadn't had a nightmare in a few months and now she is shaking in fear from one again. Not only that her fear is upsetting John so much he is making her physically ill. I should have brought her with me. But that's impossible too. With her being pregnant and Ben I can't bring her with me. Maybe next time we can figure something out but not this time, and not with this mission, it is just too damn risky.

Throughout the night I hear her start to scream out through the phone and it wakes me up and I try to soothe her through the phone line. She hasn't been this bad since we first got her out. Apparently I have made her soft too. When the sun comes up I am glad to be able to get out of bed. I meet Gabby's eyes and she gives me a sad smile. They must have heard us all night. "Sorry if I kept you up." I say.

She shakes her head no. "It's fine. She needed you." I know she's ok with it and one look at Sammy and I know he understands too.

I pick the phone up one more time. "Lara honey we are going to get going."

She sounds so groggy. "Alright Dean. Thanks for sleeping with me last night. Call me later. I love you."

"I will. Try and sleep. I Love you." I hang up the phone and look at myself in the mirror. Today I am going to shut down another demon body farm and I need all my strength.

a/n tell me what you think. This one was kind of hard to write for some reason. It made me sad before I realized what I was doing.


	62. Chapter 62

Lara's POV

"Gabriel please I can't take another one. Just tell them to go away. How many more can there be anyways?" I say has I lean back into the couch and rub my stomach. The angels have been coming all day and I'm exhausted. I hardly slept last night from the nightmares and John being so agitated. I can't do this again. I got soft and comfortable and he had to leave and I'm falling apart. I shouldn't be this weak or dependent but I need him.

Gabriel plops down next to me and puts his arm around me and pulls me into lean on his shoulder. "Sweet heart I already kept them away all day yesterday and early this morning, you need to let them try. There is limited time left. And you've only seen 50 of them and 25 of those 50 John wouldn't even let in the house and those doesn't even being to cover my brothers and sisters. But don't worry Uncle Gabriel has put a call out to the perfect candidate and she should be here soon."

I just want to sleep and I know I won't be able to but it's what I want. I don't want these angels coming into my house without Dean here to watch over John and me. I am just so tried and John is draining so much out of me with his anxiety. I think he may have even killed one of the angels that came to the house and the energy it is taking on my body is draining me so much.

Ben comes jumping down the stairs. "Hey Ben, sorry about today being so boring we'll go out to dinner tonight to that diner in town that is supposed to be popular." He gives me a big smile. "Sounds good Lara."

The door knocks and Ben looks at Gabriel and I and we shake our heads that it's alright. He opens the door and I'm surprised to see a very old lady with a walker standing on our front porch. "Hello dear, is Lara, Gabriel, and John available?" She asks kindly. Ben looks back at us confused and Gabriel jumps up and meets the old lady with a hug.

"Anachel, you need a new vessel." He says with a laugh. The elderly lady comes shuffling in. I try to stand up but she motions for me to sit back down. "Sit down sweetheart your exhausted."

She looks back at Gabriel and smiles. "I have a new vessel coming soon but it's a bit unorthodox so I needed to know if the child wants me. If not I won't be back on earth in a vessel for quite some time."

I don't like the sound of that. "Unorthodox?" I ask worried.

She comes over closer to me but makes sure not to touch me yet. "My next vessel is being born without a soul. The child passed away and the parents don't know yet. If your child chooses me I will be entering her body before she is born and have an empty vessel. Her parents will never know and they will have a child. In fact after she, well I am born, we will be moving next door and we will be neighbors."

Of all the angels I have seen today she seems to be the nicest. I think I kind of actually like her. "Well you might has well do what you came for. What did you say your name was again?"

"Anachel, I am the angel of grace. I was with Gabriel when he visited Mary. I have known John for millennia." I move my hands off my stomach and allow the older woman to walk over to me. Unlike many of the other candidates today John is not freaking out inside of me. That is a good sign. She lowers her hands over my stomach and for a moment nothing happens then the room becomes very bright. The angel pulls away with a smile on her face. "We have binded."

I look at Gabriel slightly nervous. "It is fine dear." He says supportively. Ben looks a little freaked out but he is taking it well. "Anachel, I will call you when she goes into labor. After that when should we be expecting you to move in?"

She smiles at me and gives me stomach a loving glance. "My parents will be moving here when I am about 1 year old, but I will be checking in on him don't you worry about that. It was nice meeting you Lara I need to return my vessel back to her nursing home before anyone notices she has been gone. Ben it was wonderful meeting you too and I will be seeing you around." She then disappears in front of us.

I reach for my phone and dial Dean. He's on a hunt and I told him to leave his phone off if he is busy but I hope he isn't. On the third ring he picks up. "Hey sweetheart you doing ok?" He asks me worryingly.

"Yes I am fine. I just wanted you to know that John has picked a guardian. An angel named Anachel. She will be taking a new vessel of a child in bit and will be moving in next door to us in about a year or so. Gabriel knows her and he approves."

He's silent on the other side for a moment. He's taking it in. "Did you like her?" He asks me. He is not a great fan of most of the angels he has met and he has been extremely hesitant about John having a guardian. I smile. "I did actually. She seems sweet and very kind."

"Good, then I won't worry about it. We have to wait till tonight to do what we need to do. If all goes well we will be leaving tomorrow afternoon. I won't have my phone on me for a few hours tonight but I will call you once we are done and I'll stay on the phone with you again while you sleep."

I relax. I was worried he wouldn't do that again. I just feel so pathetic. "Thank you Dean. I am going to take Ben out for dinner I'm too tired to cook. Call me when it's all done. I miss you so much. Love you."

"Love you to sweetheart." And he hangs up. Gabriel gives me a sad look. "I can bring him home for you tonight if you want."

I shake my head no. "He hates traveling like that. I will be fine. I need to be fine." He understands and doesn't push the issue. "Ben why don't we head out." He shakes his head and runs upstairs to get his shoes.

"Uncle Gabe are you coming with us or staying here?" I know one of them is coming with us, they always do. "I'm going this time." He responds. I shake my head and go to find my purse.

We show up at the diner and it's packed. There is a small arcade in the back of the restaurant where a lot of teen boys Ben's age are hanging out. Ben gives me a look and I shake my head yes. I know he wants to meet other kids his age. He's been so excited and nervous about starting school when the new semester starts. "I'll get us a table and get you a coke." He smiles and runs off.

The hostess takes us to a table near the arcade where all the other mothers seem to be sitting. They all look up at me has Uncle Gabriel and I take our seats and it makes me feel a bit nervous. John starts to kick in me and I try to calm him down by rubbing my stomach. Gabriel raises his eye brow at me. "He's hungry." I respond.

Ben seems to be having fun with the other kids and it seems he is making friends quickly. That is a relief. I want him to make friends and like it here. He runs back and orders a burger and fries but heads back to the kids while he is waiting for the food to come.

After about 30 minutes a few of the other mothers make their way over to me. The unofficial leader of their group extends her hand. "Hi, I am Sarah and I just wanted to welcome you here. I think you are new right? Our boys are all on the football team and since the season is over they all wanted to come out tonight and have dinner together." I look behind her at the other two women and smile at them. She points to them. "That's Heidi and Chrissy."

"Hi, I'm Lara. We just moved in to a house in town about 3 months ago and Ben will be starting school after Christmas." The ladies look at Uncle Gabriel.

He laughs and extends his hand. "I am her uncle. I am staying with her while her husband is out of town on business. She's so close to going into labor that he didn't want her to be here alone."

Chrissy pulls a seat up next the table. "I am one of your neighbors actually. I saw you move in and I'm sorry I haven't made it over to meet you yet. You have quite the full house over there."

"We have been really busy too I understand. Yes my husband's brother and fiancé live with us and my…" I look at Gabriel kind of confused and he just smiles at me. "Uncles have been staying with me. It was a bit of a rough start to my pregnancy. With it being my first one they insisted on staying to make sure I was alright."

Sarah gives me a questioning look and looks over at Ben. "We adopted Ben about a month ago. His mother passed away." They all give me understanding looks but I could tell that Sarah wanted more information. I don't think I like her much. She seems like a gossip and trouble starter. Chrissy seems kind. She puts her hand on mine and gave me a squeeze.

Chrissy looks back at her son and smiles. "Some of the boys are coming back to my house after dinner to watch a movie and have a sleep over. Ben can come too if that's alright with you?" She seems to be the nicest of the three women in front of me and I smile.

"I will have to call my husband and talk to Ben but I'll drop him off if it all works out. Which house are you in again?" She smiles at me. "The one across from yours."

"We are going to finish our dinner and then I'll drop him off. Thanks for inviting him. It was really great to meet you all."

Before they all leave Sarah turns around one last time. "Who did you say your husband was?" She asks me kind of briskly. Chrissy gives her a be quiet look.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't say. Dean Winchester." Sarah's eyes get large and she makes an owww sound. "Do you know him?" I ask politely.

She shakes her head and laughs. "I meet him once a long time ago. Good luck with that one Lara." She says has she starts to whisper to Heidi. Chrissy turns around and gives me an apologetic smile and follows the ladies back to her table.

I quickly turn to Gabriel. "What was that about?" I ask him kind of pissed off. I didn't like the way that Sarah said she knew Dean. He turns red and looks away. "You'll have to ask him darling."

After dinner I give Dean a call and I'm surprised that he answered. "Aren't you supposed to be killing some vamps honey?" I ask him with a laugh.

"We are going to be soon. We just need to wait for the right time. How are you? How is John?" He asks me.

"I am fine. I meet some mothers tonight at dinner who have boys that are Ben's age. One of them, Chrissy, is our neighbor and is having a sleep over tonight with the boys and wanted to invite Ben over. Is it alright if he goes?" Ben pleads with me with his eyes and I smile at him.

"If you think he will be safe that's fine. Just make sure to send him with a hex bag and a gun." I start to laugh. "Dean I am not sending him to a sleep over with a gun. It's a twelve year old sleep over. I know I have been to one before but I think that a gun might be a bit over kill. The hex bag I think we can work out." Ben starts to shake his head and laugh while looking out the window.

"Alright, you win, just make sure he takes a hex bag and make one of the stooges check the house before he goes over." I look over at Gabriel and he disappears to go check on the house.

"Hey I almost forgot. Do you know a lady named Sarah? She was one of the moms and she acted like she knew you."

He gets real quiet on his side of the phone and I can tell he is thinking. After a few moments I can almost see hear the light bulb go off. "Dean? You there?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Do you know her?"

"Yes."

"Do you care to elaborate?

He doesn't say anything for a few moments and I hear him sigh. "I meet her a long, long time ago after a hunt when I stayed at Bobby's. Hell it must have been 15 years ago. We meet at a bar in town." I don't need him to say more. I think I can figure that one out. "I'm sorry sweet heart."

I smile into the phone. "Sorry for what? It was 15 years ago. You just keep yourself safe and call me when you're done. I am going to get Ben over to Chrissy's and Uncle Gabe, Balthazar and I might watch a movie." I am going to try to stay awake until I know it's done and he's safe.

"Alright sweet heart. I Love you. I'll call you once we're done. Why don't you see if Gabe will stay with you until I can call you? It might be really late if not morning before I can call you back."

"I'll check with him. I love you too." Then he hangs up. Gabriel appears back in the car. "Everything safe over there?" I ask him.

He shakes his head. "It looks like a perfectly normal house. I put up a few wards up to keep Dean pacified but nothing that the family will notice. He will be safe and it's just right across the street." He turns around and looks at Ben. "If you at any time need me just pray and I'll come in a second and get you out of there."

Ben rolls his eyes. "You guys know I'm just going to a sleep over right? It's not a satanic ritual that involves a sacrifice of a virgin." I start to laugh. "I know Ben, but we worry and Dean and I never did any of that normal stuff so it's a bit out of our comfort level. I just want you to have fun."

Ben leans forward and puts his hand on my shoulder. "I will have fun and I'll call you if I get nervous." He then gives me a quick peck on the cheek. I feel my heart start to swell. That's the first time he's given me a kiss on the cheek.

Gabriella's POV

"Ok guys you got to let me take point on this. If I tell you to kill someone that means that the persons mind is fried. Don't hesitate and don't you dare feel guilty about it. It is a gift we will be giving them trust me." Both men give me leery glances and I know they don't like taking orders from me.

"I know it will work." I say trying to reassure them.

Dean doesn't look to convinced by Sam is on board. The plan really is fool proof. We just have to make sure we do all the right prep work. Which I will be starting soon. Dean looks at Sam then back at me. "Alright, once it is dark and it looks like the coast is clear we will set up the precautions. We will spray the demon traps outside of all the windows and doors and set up the speakers. I still can't believe I let you talk me into this."

I roll my eyes at him. "No you just can't believe you never thought of it before." We work preparing everything just I like I explained it and we head over to the house around midnight. It looks like everything is pretty quiet. Sam is in charge of setting up the speakers and Dean and I are running round the house paining devils traps in front of all the windows and the doors. They don't have to last forever just long enough to exorcise these ass holes. I want to try to keep has many of the humans alive that are left has I can.

When we finish we all meet back up front and I give them both a nervous glance. I grab the microphone from Sam and start to say the exorcism into the microphone has it blares out of the speakers surrounding the house. It doesn't take long. The demons try to flee and many of them get caught in the devils traps like flies on fly paper. I keep going not stopping. When I'm done there are bodies all over the outsides of the house dead or passed out in the devils traps and I can only imagine what we have to find inside.

a/n if you like it review it please.


	63. Chapter 63

Dean's POV

I still can't believe Gabby's plan worked, and it worked really well. We managed to exorcise about 15 demons at once. The only bodies that were dead were ones that were already dead before we started. We had some that their minds were plainly just gone. Gabby insisted that we give the ones whose minds were gone a mercy killing and we did. It was hard to do but she said that they were better off dead then how they were. We trusted her judgment since she had lived in one of these places and I remember Lara saying a similar thing on many occasions.

We managed to get the 5 living bodies in the house to a hospital to recover. We told them to never tell anyone what really happened to them because no one would believe them. They agreed and understood. We drove to a hotel room far from the body farm and crashed. What I really wanted to do was drive till I was back with Lara but I knew that we all needed rest. We were exhausted.

I'm on the road again. I'm close to home and I can't wait to have Lara in my arms again. It's late and Sam and Gabby are asleep in the car. I have my music and Cas to keep me company though. I make the last turn into our neighborhood and make the turn into our drive way. I turn off the car and Sam and Gabby slowly wake up. "We're home guys." They shake the sleep off and we make our way to the front door quietly.

I open the door and Balthazar is sitting in the dark on the couch. "Holy shit what the hell are you doing sitting here in the dark?" I ask him. Balthazar rolls his eyes at me, "I don't need to sleep Dean and Gabriel is keeping your wife calm since you cannot, so I had nothing to do." I want to hit him for saying that but he's only speaking the truth.

Cas pushes me up the stairs and I quickly run to my room. I open the door and Lara is sleeping in bed with Gabriel sitting next to her above the covers. He waves at me as I come in. "She hasn't been sleeping well since you left I'm glad your home Dean." I didn't need him to make me feel guiltier than I already did about leaving her and I know he didn't mean to he was just stating a fact. I walk over to her and he disappears from the room.

I lean down and kiss her forehead. She slowly opens her eyes and looks at me. "Dean is that you?" She asks me sleepily.

I kiss her lips. "Yes honey it's me. I am going to change and we can go back to sleep." She smiles and grabs my hand. "No Dean, I need you to get Gabriel."

I smile and kiss her again. "I'm here you don't need him tonight sweet heart. Try to fall back asleep." Then I notice that the room is starting to shake. What the hell is going on?

"I need you to get him Dean. I have been trying to hold him off until you came back but Dean it's time. I can't hold it back anymore. My water just broke." Holy shit did she just say her water broke? The baby is coming? The room begins to shake more violently and before I can scream out Gabriel, Cas, Balthazar and Ben are in the room.

Lara sees Ben and smiles at him. "Sweetie I need you to go downstairs and tell Sam and Gabby that I am going into labor. You need to stay with them until we come back."

Ben runs to her and gives her hug. "Good luck Lara." He says then he runs downstairs to find Sam and Gabby.

Gabriel goes over to Lara and puts his hand on her forehead. "It's time to go now darling." Cas grabs me and we leave our home. I'm to nervous and excited about Lara to even car that I am about to travel via angel, which I hate to do. When I open my eyes again we are in the middle of a tropical field. There is a bed with a sheer canopy above it in the middle of the field. The bed is filled with pillows and there are clean towels and medical equipment set up around the makeshift hospital bed. This must be the safe place that Gabe made for her. "Where are we?" I ask him.

Gabriel smiles "We are on an uninhabited island in the pacific. No one will disturb us here." He looks at Balthazar. "Contact Anachel, she should be here for the birth." I give him a confused look then remember that she is John's guardian angel.

Balthazar disappears and quickly reappears with an old lady. The old lady walks over to me and gives me a hug. "Hello Dean, I am Anachel. I will be John's guardian angel. Don't worry this body is temporary."

I help Lara into the bed in the middle of the field and I can see that her breathing is becoming erratic. "Are you alright Lara?" I ask her worried.

"I'm fine De.." Then she starts to scream out has a beam of light comes from the sky and hits her stomach. I look at Gabriel. "What the hell is going on?" I ask him.

"It's alright Dean. It is merely John's soul coming to earth to join his body." The angels surround Lara and I kneel near her head and take her hand while they start to prepare for the birth. I notice that she is wearing my t shirt still and one of my old button ups. She must have been cold and wanted me near her. I lean down and kiss her forehead. "I'm here sweet heart."

She looks up at me and smiles. "I know you are. " The island beings to shake like we are having a violent earthquake and I worry about the safety of the structure, and I look down at Gabriel. He gives me a smile. "Don't worry the island will survive. The canopy, the bed, hell the trees may fall down but we will be safe here."

I look down at Lara and kiss her forehead. We better be safe here or I will be killing some angels tonight I think with a smirk.

Lara's POV

I don't think anything could have prepared me for this birth. When I had to deliver my other baby that the demons killed it only took me an hour. It was so fast and didn't hurt nearly this much. I have been in labor for 26 hours I don't know how much more I can take. The soul finally fully connected with John about 3 hours ago. So at least the bright light is no longer blinding me. The shaking was at it's worst when his soul joined his body. The canopy collapsed and Balthazar made it disappear before it could hit me. The trees all around the field have fallen over and it looks like the island has been hit with a violent storm. The bed has fallen apart 5 times but Cas has fixed it each time so I have somewhere comfortable to lay.

"Dean, I'm really thirsty." I say to him exhausted and he picks up a cup with a straw and brings it to my mouth. I'm too tired to lean forward to drink it. I'm laying back on the pillows between contractions trying to steady by breathing and rest.

Dean looks at the angels who are all at the end of the bed between my legs trying to help John out. "Can't you help her? Isn't there medicine for this?" Dean asks angrily. He has been getting angrier every hour that I have been in labor. I have been trying not to let him know how much it hurts but I can't help but scream out every time I have a contraction.

All the angels shake their heads and Gabriel looks up at us. "We can't Dean. With John in her our grace will cause a reaction that might be negative. And I don't know how her body would react to an epidural right now. It's not safe." Dean makes a frustrated growl and puts a cool cloth over my forehead. He doesn't want me in pain and I know it's causing him pain to see me like this. I grab on to his hand feeling another contraction coming.

The atmosphere changes and I look over and Eve is here. I look down at Cas whose face can't hid his surprise and he jumps up and hugs her. She looks down at me and grabs my free hand. "My poor darling. I know this birth is very rough but everything is going to be alright now that I am here."

She walks to the end of the bed and pushes Gabriel, Anachel, and Balthazar out of the way. They try to fight back but Cas gives them a look and they all back up. She lifts up the blanket and examines me. "Alright now Lara I need you to push, and I need you to not stop until I tell you to." She looks at Gabriel. "Get ready." She says calmly.

"Push." She tells me. I put all of the energy I have left into the push. I grab Dean's hand tigher and I scream out has I make the final push riding on the wave of this last contraction. She told me not to stop but all of my muscles are begging me to but I can't. I have to get him out. "Come on Lara keeping pushing!" She tells me. The island starts to vibrate more violently then it has since we got here.

I look over at Dean and he gives me a reassuring smile. "You're doing great sweet heart just keep pushing." He says. I keep pushing and I keep screaming but finally I feel the pressure break and I hear John cry. I let out a cry and I fall back onto the pillows. The shaking stops and the island is quiet expect for John's cries.

"Dean come cut the cord." Eve says. Dean gives me a torn look and I shake my head telling him to go. Jody told me that it's something that father's get to do so I know it's normal. Dean quickly goes to the end of the bed and I lay there still. I am so tired that I think I could sleep for a year.

"You did so well darling." Uncle Gabe says to me has he puts the cold cloth back to my forehead. I let out a laugh. "No you did honey." The island is so destroyed but I didn't notice it till now that I can look around. I can see to the coast now because all of the trees have fallen over.

I look down to the end of the bed and Dean has our son in his arms. "Please I want to hold him." I say to him weakly. He gives me a huge grin and walks back to me and I struggle to sit up, Balthazar helps me sit up and fluffs the pillow for me and I put my arms out for my baby.

Dean places our son in my arms and I look down at him for the first time. He's perfect. He lets out a cry and I lean down and kiss his forehead. He last dark blonde fuzz on his head and I can't wait to see his eyes I have a feeling they are going to be green like Dean's. I look up at Dean and we meet each other eyes. "Dean, he's…" I can't finish my statement and I start to cry.

"Perfect." He finishes for me. He gets on his knees next to the bed and puts his arm around my shoulders and with his other hand he touches our baby. I lean into him. Eve comes to my other side and puts her arms out. "Let me clean him up darling." I don't want to give him over but I know they need to clean him off. I reluctantly hand him to her and I watch has her and the angels take him to a tub of water that Gabriel had put there for this purpose. They all sit around the tub and take turns pouring the water over him. They are all kneeling in front of him like they are genuflecting.

I look over at Dean and he leans down and kisses me. "How are you?" He asks me while he pushes some of the sweaty hair off my face. I smile and close my eyes for a moment. "I'm exhausted but I've never been happier."

Anachel brings John back to me and puts him in my arms. "You need to feed him Lara." She says calmly. I look over at Gabriel. "Uncle Gabe can I go home first please?" He smiles and comes over to us. I open my eyes again and I'm in our bed with Dean. None of the angels or Eve are with us. I assume they are allowing us to have some alone time together.

Dean helped me out of his button up hours ago but I'm still in his t shirt and it is drenched in sweat. I struggle to lift it and he gently helps me get it off. Once I'm free of it I bring John to my breast and he latches on. It hurts for a moment. Not a mind numbing pain just an unfamiliar uncomfortable pull, then it subsides. "Dean, we have a son." I say quietly. We knew we were having a boy and we knew we were going to have a baby but it's so different when that baby is in your arms than just talking about him.

"I almost can't believe he is here." Dean says and leans down to kiss the top of John's head. When I'm done feeding him Dean helps me wash up in the bath and then puts me in a clean night gown. "I am going to go get Sam, Gabby, and Ben. Let them know we're home and everything." I smile and put John on my shoulder and rub his back gently.

Within a few minutes I can hear a mob of feet running up the stairs. Ben is in first followed by Sam, Gabby, Bobby, Jody, and then Dean. I guess that Bobby and Jody have been staying here since I went into labor. Ben runs over to us and looks down. "Is that my new little brother?" He asks me with his voice filled with excitement.

I smile at him. I'm glad he feels like John is his brother. "It sure is Ben. Do you want to hold him?" He gives me a scared look but Dean comes over and takes John from me and places him gingerly into Ben's arm. "Don't worry Ben you're doing fine." I saw quietly. I am so tired that the uncomfortable pain doesn't even bother me.

They all take turns holding him. Bobby and Sam actually have tears in their eyes when they hold him. Dean leaves the room for a moment and comes back with a basinet. I don't feel strong enough to stand and quite frankly even if I was strong enough I don't think I could stand right now. Dean brings me John to hold one last time before I go to sleep. Everyone slowly leaves the room.

"He is going to look so much like you Dean." I say has I look over my baby again. I count his fingers and his toes just to make sure and he has 10 of each. He looks very different from the baby I remember having on the other path. That baby looked so much like me. He was born with dark brown fuzz on his head and he had piercing blue eyes. I know that John is going to look like his father. This must be a few of those differences that Gabriel said he would have.

Dean smiles at John and me. "Try and rest Lara. You were in labor for a long time." I smile and kiss John's head one last time and hand him up to Dean. He takes him and rocks him in his arms. I try to stay awake but I'm too tired and I fall asleep watching Dean holding our son.

a/n I hope you liked it! If you did review it! I am going to be going on some much needed vacation for a week so don't be surprised I don't post anything for while. I am going to be going out to the middle of nowhere and I'm not sure if I am going to have internet. If I do and I have time I might post something but I won't know till I get there.


	64. Chapter 64

Dean's POV

My son, our son, wow I have a son, we have a son. I look down at the small baby in my arms and I feel my chest swell, my heart starts to pound, and I actually feel tears in my eyes. This is my son. This is Lara's and my son. The moment I first held him I knew I would do whatever it takes to protect him even if it means dying. This is my son and nothing will hurt him.

While Lara was in labor I was worried that she wasn't going to make it. She was so pale and tired. Large purple circles formed under her eyes and I have never seen so much blood. The angels came back a few hours ago and refused to heal her because they aren't sure how her body would respond to it and they are worried that John will not feed from her if she has angelic essences in her. She's been asleep 10 hours and I have been impatiently waiting for her to wake up. I wish her sleep was peaceful but I can see her battling with demons in her dreams. I have had to shake her awake on numerous occasions. I have been too scared to fall asleep incase Lara or John needed me in their sleep. John slept a good solid 8 hours has well. He must have been exhausted too. He went through a lot last night. I've been holding him since he woke up. I'm just so amazed at what Lara and I created.

John starts to cry and I know I need to wake her up soon. He needs to eat and she was very forceful that she wants to breast feed. I get off the chair in our room and walk over to the bed careful not to jostle John too much. I gently shake her shoulder and she slowly wakes up and smiles at John and me. "How long have I been out?" She asks me sleepily.

"10 hours sweet heart, if you want to go to back to sleep that's fine but he's hungry." She slowly sits up in bed, I can tell she is still in pain from giving birth and pulls her nightgown down to expose her breasts. I hand John to her and she begins to feed him. When he seems to be full she pulls him to her shoulder and beings to rub his back until he is lulled back to sleep. This is my family, my wife and my son. I have to keep them safe. The atmosphere changes in the room and I turn around quickly using my body has a shield for my family. "Get the fuck out of here Raphael." I snarl at him. I grab the gun from the back of my jeans and point it at him. I hear Lara let out a gasp and John starts to cry. He made my son cry, that's it he's dead.

"Don't curse in front of the child Dean. I just wanted to see how the boy is doing." He tries to look around me and Lara and John and I block his view. He is too much of a threat. He proved that the first time he meet Lara. I don't want him to even look at them. "Dean I just want to make sure he is alright."

I don't care if he's here to give us a billion dollars I am not moving. I hear a commotion and I see Gabriel, Cas, Balthazar, Anachel, and Eve appear in the room. "Eve, how interesting." He says to her. I notice that Cas tenses up and grabs her.

"What do you want brother?" Gabriel asks. I turn around and I check on Lara. She is pale and looks panicked and John is screaming and crying. Even though I can tell she is petrified I know she is ready to kill for John has well. The gun she keeps under her pillow is already in her free hand. Her eyes are darting next to the bed where I know she keeps her angel sword. Lara is trying to figure out if she can grab it and thrust it in him before he figures it out. More importantly she is trying to calm John down but he doesn't like Raphael being here.

Raphael lets out a loud laugh. "I just wanted to come pay my respects to the child. Nothing else." Gabriel looks at me and nods. No way in hell I am moving over to let him see them. Gabriel walks over to me and puts his arm on my shoulder. "Don't worry he won't hurt them."

I turn around and Lara hands me John and I hold him while I let Raphael look at him. John starts to calm down a bit in my arms until Raphael moves to touch him. Before I can push him back John sends a jolt of energy from his body and it hits Raphael. I look at him and he is stunned. He lets out a cough and blood comes out of his mouth. Hasn't he learned from the last time he was there that John doesn't like him? "Leave." I say angrily.

He gives John one last look and looks at Lara. "You did well mud monkey." Then he disappears. I relax once he's gone and I sit on the bed next to Lara. John is still crying and we try to sooth him together. He eventually gives in and falls asleep and I look up at the angels and Eve. "Is he going to keep coming here?" I ask them.

Gabriel shakes his head. "Not if he's smart. John doesn't like him. He can tell that his parents don't trust him so he doesn't trust him. He knows John has the power to kill him. That was just a warning. I doubt we will see him for awhile. If he is smart he will hole himself in heaven because Earth is no longer safe for him. Between us and John he knows he has a hit on his head." I relax. Good, he won't be around and he's running scared.

A few hours later John is awake again and Lara feels a bit stronger. While John was napping I helped her take another bath and helped her dress. She isn't complaining about being sore but I know she doesn't feel too great yet. We head downstairs and everyone looks up has we come down the stairs.

Sam runs over to us and watches Lara like a hawk has her and John take the last step. "Don't pretend you're worried about me Sam. Do you want to hold your nephew again?" She asks him with a laugh. He gives her a big smile and she hands him over to him. Sam looks down at his nephew and his face softens. He's going to be a very good uncle I can tell.

We all relax in the living room and everyone takes another turn holding John. Lara is curled up on the couch with her head in my lap. She is still tired but she wants to be up with everyone. She can't keep her eyes off of John, I know how she feels I can't either. I can't believe we created him. He's just so perfect. I can't believe I am a father. I never thought I would be called Daddy. I just never figure that would be on the table for me. Not after everything I have been through, everything I have done, the way I was raised. I thought Ben was the closest thing to a son I would ever have and now I have John. There are titles that I had earned, hunter, fighter, lover, thief, killer, torturer, drunk, but there are two I never thought I'd earn the right to; husband and father. And now I am both.

Lara' POV

"Lara! Dean! Wake up it! It's Christmas!" I hear Ben shouting excitingly at the end of the bed. I wake up at and look at the clock it says 7 am. Well I guess that's later than John has been letting me sleep lately anyways. Between John and my nightmares I haven't been sleeping to well, and neither has Dean.

"Go get Sam and Gabby up and we'll be down in a minute." I say to Ben has I shake Dean awake. He had baby duty last night and I know that John kept him busy. I lean down and kiss his shoulder. "Wake up Dean it's Christmas and Ben is really excited."

Dean moans and rolls over on to stomach trying to block out the light. "I don't wanna. Have it without me." I slap his butt. "Not happening Dean get up. I am going to start breakfast come down in a few minutes and bring John with you. This is his first Christmas."

I get up and pull on a robe and go down the hall to wake up Bobby and Jody. We put an air mattress in the spare room for them upstairs so they could stay over tonight since it's Christmas. "Hey guys Ben is up and I don't think we can stop him. So I'm going to go downstairs and start breakfast." They both give me a tired smile and start to get up.

When I come downstairs Ben is sitting by the tree with Cas, Balthazar, Uncle Gabe, and Eve looking at all the presents under the tree. I know that Ben doesn't believe in Santa but I insisted that Dean and I put out all the presents and stockings last night after he went to sleep. We even have presents for the angels and Eve. Anachel hasn't been around at all. Her new vessel was born last week and she warned us that she wouldn't be separating from it often at first. They all look at me as I come down and smile at me. "Can I open them now?" Ben asks me.

I laugh. "Not yet, we are going to have breakfast first. Did you wake up Sammy and Gabby?" He shakes his head and I hear them start to come up the stairs with their own presents all wrapped up. I point to the tree and they put them under it.

Once I'm done with breakfast I set it out on the dining table. I know that the angels don't need to eat but they can eat so I put a plate out for them too. I made French toast casserole and everyone has cut star fruit on their plates has well. "Come on guys time for breakfast." Everyone surrounds the table and Dean comes down the stairs with a sleepy John in his arms. He comes over to me and gives me a kiss and I take John from him and we all sit down.

Everyone eats fast. I know they are excited to open presents. No one besides Jody, Bobby, and Ben have really ever had a real Christmas and we are all excited to have one. Dean and Sam had their motel room Charlie Brown Christmas', Gabby had a similar tradition being raised a hunter has well. Cas, Balthazar, and Uncle Gabe all had a very different Christmas tradition being angels. They apparently did celebrate it in heaven but they celebrated it very differently than us. All of heavens host would convene one day a year and sing songs of praise all day. They all claim it is very special to them. Eve has never even participated in that and well I have never obviously celebrated Christmas that I can remember. Uncle Bobby claims that I did when I was baby but I have no memory of it.

I set up stockings for everyone above the fire place and I see that Dean did one for me has well. I hand them out and we start with them. I filled Uncle Gabe's with candy and I hear him laugh has he opens his. I filled Ben's with things for school. I was a bit worried that it would be boring to him but he smiles at me and I know he likes them.

I start to hand out presents. Ben digs into his. He rips open the paper to his first big gift and lets out a happy shriek. "You guys got me a Wii? That is awesome!" I smile and put John onto my shoulder and rub his back trying to get him back to sleep. He wasn't ready to wake up the morning. Dean leans over and gives me a kiss and I smile at him. We were both worried about that gift to but he seems to like it. He continues to open a few video games and then opens up his own pool stick that Dean bought for him. Ben jumps up and gives Dean and I huge hug. "I can't wait to play! Thanks guys."

He runs back to the tree and hands Dean and me presents. I pick up my box and rip the paper off and open the box. Sitting in the tissue is a picture of Ben and me together from when we picked out the tree. I feel tears come to my eyes. "Oh Ben, this is lovely thank you so much." I say to him has I motion for him to come over and give me a hug.

Dean is ripping his open and there is a model impala under all the paper. Ben thought Dean would like it for the mechanic shop to have on the counter or something. "Ben this is awesome thanks." And he gives Ben a tight hug.

We all continue to hand out gifts and I hand Dean the one I got him. He gives me a smile and opens takes the paper off and opens the lid. "Lara these are great." He says to me has he pulls his cover alls out of the box. I got him cover alls for work that has his name embroidered on them and the company's name on the back. Jody and Gabby got Bobby and Sam matching ones. Even though Sam won't be working on the cars much we wanted him to have a uniform too.

He hands me a box and I hand him John so I can use both my hands. I peel the paper off and find a camera in my lap. "Really!" I ask excitingly. He jumps up and comes back with the camera in hand. "I charged it last night so you could have it in working order today." I grab the camera and give him a long kiss.

"This is perfect Dean!" I yell at him has Sam helps me turn it on. I start to take snap shots of everyone and I can't stop smiling. Gabby and Sam got me a telephoto lens and Bobby and Jody got me a wide angle lens. I get one of Ben opening up his presents, Dean and John together, Bobby and Jody together, Sam and Gabby throwing paper at each other, I even got one of Cas and Eve, and the angels.

Jody and Bobby hand Sam and Gabby a really small box. "This is from the both of us." She says. Gabby rips the paper off and pulls out a key and looks at Sam confused. Then they both look at Jody and Bobby. I snap a picture of their shocked expressions.

Bobby smiles at them. "Jody and I have decided to move in together. That's why she has been cleaning up my house and bringing some of her furniture over. She…" he looks at Jody and she stares at him. "We want you to have her house. That way you have your space but you also right behind Dean and Lara."

Gabby and Sam look at each other in shock and the realization slowly hits them that they have their own home and they run over and cover Jody and Bobby with hugs.

Dean and I help John open his presents that we got him and I get Gabby to take pictures of us. After the madness of this morning Gabby and Sam head over to Jody's house with Bobby and Jody to see their new home. I managed to get John down for a nap and Dean and Ben are playing pool with his new stick downstairs while the angels try to figure out how to hook up the Wii to the TV and charge the controllers.

I'm cleaning up the kitchen and starting to work on Christmas dinner and Eve is in the kitchen with me. "You have made this a wonderful Christmas Lara. You have made everyone here a family." I blush and smile at her. "No really you have Lara."

"It feels like family doesn't it?" I say to her with a smile. "Yea it does." She says has she goes into the living room to check on John.

Sam's POV

Wow, Gabriella and I own a house now. Like our own home. It is going to be great to have our own space. It's nice in the basement but our own home is going to be special. Dean brought me here the first time because well, it may be embarrassing, but we have always been together expect for a few years while I was at school and when he was dead. The year I was gone when he thought I was dead doesn't' count because I didn't have a soul at the time. I know it's kind of sick and dependent of us to never be further than 5 feet from each other but we know we can depend on each other. With them giving us Jody's house we are going to be in each other back yard. We will be close to each other but at the same time kind of apart, which to be honest is probably good for us.

Lara is in the kitchen making dinner and Gabby is helping her. Dean passed out on the couch next to me a few hours ago and Ben is playing on the Wii with Cas, Balthazar, and Gabriel. It is hysterical to see the angels getting their asses handed to them by a 12 year old boy. John is sprawled out on my chest drooling on my shirt. I have a nephew, I'm an uncle. How exciting is that. I am so happy for Dean and Lara. They deserve this more than anyone. They have both given up so much and been hurt so many times. It makes me really happy to see them so happy. I don't think I have seen either of them without a smile on their faces since John was born. No matter how tired they are and how late I see them up trying to put John back to bed or feed him they are smiling. Smiling like a couple of school kids who don't have a care in the world.

My brother the dad. That has a nice sound to it. He was worried he would suck at it but I always knew he would be good at it. He raised me and he was great at it. I never worried about anything growing up has long he was around because I knew he would take care of me. Now he has John and Ben to make feel safe.

Shit that can't be happening. Not with John in my arms. My body starts to seize up and my head starts to throb. It's coming, he's coming. I try not to move. I don't want to jostle John. The images of hell take over me. It's a mixture of fire, blood, knives, and pain. I grab my arm and dig my nails into it. I need it to stop. The pain will help me remember that this is real.

I try to kick Dean awake. I don't want to worry Ben. I kick him again and he wakes up he rolls over and looks at me. It only takes a few moments and he knows I'm freaking out. He quickly jumps up and grabs John off my chest. I know it's not safe for him to be on me while I'm having a flash back.

Dean holds on to John but sits down next to me and puts his free arm around me. "Shake it off Sam. It isn't real. Calm down. Just come back." I try to come back to reality but it's so hard. Lucifer is standing in front of my face yelling at me.

"What's wrong Sammy boy? Not excited to see me? I'm so excited to see you though. And how cute is your precious little nephew. Can Uncle Lucifer hold him?"

"NO! ABSOLUTLY NOT! STAY AWAY FROM HIM!" I yell at him has I stand up and try to punch him. Lucifer starts to laugh at me and Cas drops his controller and Dean hands him John and sends them all upstairs.

Lucifer stays with me but so does Dean. "Sam what is wrong?" Dean asks me frantically. He looks around the room trying to see what is bothering me. I'm just glad that they got John and Ben out of the room. I don't want Lucifer near them. "What's wrong Sammy boy you don't want me near your precious nephew? Because in a few years I am going to be wearing you and we are going to fight him to the death."

"I will never hurt him! That will never happen!" I yell at him. I could never hurt John, he's my blood. "Oh but Sammy you will and we will kill him."

I lunge at Lucifer in front of me and try to kill him but I go right through him and hit the pool table and I turn around again and try to attack him again but Dean grabs me. I yell over Dean's shoulder at him. "I will fucking kill you! I will kill myself before I let you wear me and hurt him!"

His laugh fills the room and I clutch my head and I would have fallen on my knees if Dean wasn't there holding me up. I hear someone behind me and I whip around to see Gabriel standing behind us. "Stop talking to him Sam. You need to stop."

"Oh my brother doesn't like me talking to you. Isn't that precious. He will have to talk to me when I wear you, kill your nephew and your brother and we take over."

I try to get around Dean and attack him. I won't let him near my family. "You're in hell and you're going to stay there!" I yell at him.

Gabriel pulls me away from Dean and turns me around. "Stop talking to him Sam. You can't let him in. Just ignore him. He is saying what he needs to say to get a reaction from you. Stop talking to him right now."

I look behind me and I see Lucifer standing behind Dean laughing at me. Gabriel starts to drag me up the stairs has I kick and flail at Lucifer and Dean follows behind me. When we all get upstairs I slam the door hopefully locking Lucifer in the basement.

Gabriella and Lara run over to me and Gabriella pulls me into a hug while Lara rubs my back. I look in the living room and I see Cas standing there with John in his arms and Balthazar and Eve trying to distract Ben from what was going on but they aren't quite successful and he's looking at me and I can tell he's afraid.

"I'm sorry Lara. I shouldn't be holding John." I am ashamed. I had an attack while I was holding John. If something happened to him I would never ever forgive myself. She gives me a quick hug. "It's ok Sam. Nothing happened and I know that has long has John is with you he is a safe. You love him. Don't worry about that."

"Come on Sam let's go outside for a few minutes." Gabriella says to me has she pulls me out the sliding door to the back yard. The cold air on my skin helps me calm down. My breathing slowly starts to calm down and I feel my heart stop pounding. "What did you see honey?" She asks me.

"At first it was just flashes of hell but then he appeared again. He wanted to hold John and I told him no. Then he told me he was going to wear me and kill John and Dean." I try to shake it off but it's so real.

Gabriella grabs my arm and rolls up my shirt. She pulls out a knife and is about to pull it down my arm when she looks down and them. "Sam! How much have you been cutting?" I look down at my arms in shame. "I don't know, whenever he appears."

"Sam, Sam, Sam, your arms are shredded. You can't cut yourself that much. You need to stop." I shake my head no and I look down at the cuts in varying stages of healing on my arm. Lucifer appears behind Gabriella and I throw her behind me. "What are you doing Sam?"

"Yea Sammy? What are you doing?" Lucifer says to me with a hideous laugh. I grab the knife and I wrestle the knife from her hands. "Oh poor Sammy do you need to cut yourself to know what is real?"

I take the knife and I drag it down my arm and he slowly starts to disappear, more slowly than normal but he finally disappears. "Sam give me the knife!" She yells at me has she grabs the knife from my hand. "This needs to stop. You are going to bleed out if you don't stop." She grabs my arm and takes my over shirt and wraps it around my arm.

Gabriella pulls me into her and holds me. "It's alright honey. I'm here. It's alright. I love you." I hear the screen door open behind me and Lara and Dean come out to check on us. They come around and stand with Gabriella. Lara gives me a sad smile and puts her hand to my face. "Sam are you doing alright?"

I shake my head yes. "You don't have to lie to me. I know we've been really busy with the baby but we're here for you." I don't want to cry especially not in front of Dean but I can't stop.

"He's just always around. He tries to antagonize me. He shows me what happened to me in hell and he torments me. He threatened John and Dean." Lara gives me a hug and Dean pats my back.

Dean takes in a deep breath and exhales slowly. "Sam we are going to fix this. Gabriel said that John can fix this. If you can just keep it together a bit longer when he's older he can fix you." I shake my head. He's right I just got to keep myself together. It's Christmas and I don't want to ruin it for everyone.

Cas' POV

I have never experienced a human Christmas before and it's really quite nice. The breakfast and the presents and the hanging around all afternoon playing with our gifts, it has been fun. Dean and Lara got me a shirt and tie. They said I needed to change my clothes every once in awhile. Dean seemed to be laughing at me but Lara hit him and said that they just wanted me to have some new clothes. She filled my stocking too. I don't quite understand the notion of a stocking but they were fun. They all have small little gifts in them. Lara filled mine with all kinds of fun stuff. She put in a deck of cards, she said it was so I could practice and get better at them because the last time we played go fish she kicked my butt. She also got me my own wallet. She said it would be helpful to have one and she put my own fake id, a fake credit card, and small picture of Eve and I in the photo slot in the wallet. I don't know how she got it but she did.

Giving gifts is not something I am used to but with some help from Gabriel I think I got things that were appropriate. I got Lara a photo book that she can put all the photos she will be taking with her new camera in. For John I got him a stuffed dog. Gabriel assured me that children like stuffed animals. I had a hard time with Dean but I got him a bottle of oil for his car. I know that the he loves that car. I think he loves that car more than anything except his family. He was a bit shocked when he opened it but he said he liked it. It made sense to me even if Balthazar did laugh at me for hours.

Ben looked so happy. I know it has been rough for him and it breaks my heart. In heaven, us angels, always feel bad for children that are orphaned. I remember when Dean and Sam's mother was killed. Even though we all knew it would happen, and had to happen, it was hard to watch. Since I was already assigned to his family I was there the night she died. I saw how Dean's heart broke in front of me. He held Sam to him and even though he was broken he held his little brother and protected him. I am glad that they took Ben in so that they could surround him with love after such a tragedy happened to him. Dean didn't have that luxury. After his mother died he was not surrounded by love. His father did love them both but he didn't show love the way that most human parents do. He showed them by training them to protect themselves.

"Come on everyone it's time for dinner!" Lara yells at us all. We all come into the dining room and take our seats. Jody cooked and brought over a turkey and a ham over to the house so that Lara didn't have to smell it. I've never eaten so much human food before but it makes Lara happy so I eat what she cooks. She made mashed potato, green bean casserole, stuffing, sweet potatoes, broccoli and cheese casserole, and fruit salad. And that doesn't even being to describe the deserts she has made. She made chocolate pie, pumpkin pie, apple pie, cherry pie, and a bunch of Christmas cookies. She has been so excited about today and has been prepping for days. I am glad to see Jimmy's daughter so happy.

Sam doesn't look good. I know he had an attack right before dinner. He has been fighting to keep control of reality so strongly but it's been difficult on him and I'm beginning to think he is losing. Gabriel tried to fix him but it was merely a patch. He told me that it is easier to destroy something than it is to build it. He said that when it was built it was contained but once it was destroyed the damage was done. His brain was ravaged and merely rebuilding the wall would do nothing now. He must be cleansed from it and none of us have the power. All I can hope is that someday soon John can fix him. I can't believe what my brother did to him. Our father would not be happy with my brother's action. He would not want this pain and suffering on his children.

Eve has reappeared into our lives. She said she wouldn't fight heaven but she came for Lara. She helped Lara give birth when it seemed like we were going to fail. None of us wanted to say anything especially not with Dean but it was close. The birth was harder than it should have been. She was close to dying. Gabriel had successfully delivered Jesus in less than an hour. Lara was labor for over 26 hours. She lost a lot of blood and John went through a great deal of trauma. It took 23 of those hours for his grace to come into his body. Gabriel said to me later that he thinks it still had to do with Raphael's mistake. John may have adjusted to a human father but the grace that had stayed in heaven until the birth needed time to adjust. He also said that now the essence and the child are one and it is alright and it should be smooth sailing for now. I wanted to heal Lara but I couldn't. We didn't know how the angelic essence would affect the birth. We didn't want it to cause John to flair out. Even after we didn't heal her and are allowing her to heal naturally. If we heal her there is a risk that John would sense the angelic nature in her and not trust her until it faded. That is not something we could risk.

Eve sits down next to me and allows me to hold her hand under the table. We had been lovers in heaven but how angels copulate is do different then humans. We merely allow our graces to intertwine. Most angels only ever take one mate to mingle with. Some, like Gabriel, are a bit more free with it. I only ever shared myself with Eve. I don't know if she has stayed quite so chaste as me and I wouldn't care if she didn't. We weren't together these last few 1000's of years and we mutually decided to end things when she left. It has hard when she left the first time. I don't want to get close to her again for her to leave again but I can't seem to stop myself. She brings back old memories that I had long ago buried deep inside of me. I wonder what it would be like to copulate with her like a human.

a/n since I was gone so long I decided to make it a longer chapter so I hope you enjoyed!


	65. Chapter 65

Lara's POV

"Lara, wake up! Sweetheart you need to wake up!" I hear Dean yelling frantically at me through my dream. I know I am asleep but I can't leave it yet. I can't leave him alone here. "Lara please sweetheart you're scaring me. Please wake up." He mutters into my ear has he pushes my sweaty hair off my forehead. I can feel his hands on my forehead and going through my hair but I can't seem to allow the feeling of him on me pull me out of the dream. He needs me. It's the sounds of John screaming that finally help me wake up. I haven't been comfortable enough to allow John to sleep in his nursery and I insist that he sleeps with us. I don't want Raphael getting to him without me knowing about it.

I jerk up and I know I am finally awake. Dean is standing next to me, leaning over me. John is screaming on the bed next to me. I quickly pick up him and try to sooth him. "I'm sorry Johnny. I know you don't like it when mommy has a bad dream. I'm sorry to scare you."

Dean lets out a deep sigh that I knew he was holding in until I woke up. He climbs into the bed behind me and pulls me into his chest while I try to calm John back down. "Sweetheart what were you dreaming about?"

There are certain things that you don't want your husband to know you dream about, and another man's baby is one of those things. I shake my head and he kisses the back of my head wrapping his arms around me giving me and John comfort. "Love, you know you can tell me anything."

Can I really tell him about these dreams and have him not get upset? I cut off a sob and try to stop the tears that I know are coming fast. Dean continues to hold me has I sob and rock John back to sleep. Uncle Gabe must have heard me because while I'm crying he appears in our room. "Why don't I take John downstairs while you both talk?" I don't want to hand him over but I know it's best for John. I kiss his forehead and hand him up to Gabriel.

With John gone I can let all my walls come down and let go. I feel so guilty and ashamed. I turn around and allow Dean to cradle me in his lap. "Lara what is wrong? You know you can tell me. I love you sweetheart."

I don't think I have a choice anymore. The dreams have been getting worse and worse. "Dean I need to go back to the body farm you saved me from." I say through a sob.

Dean pulls me back slightly so he can look in my eyes. "What do you mean you want to go back to the body farm?" He looks worried.

This is going to be harder than I thought. "Dean my baby is there. He is angry with me for abandoning him there. He has seen me with John and he is sad that I have left him there to rot in a hole. I am a horrible mother. I abandoned my baby and allowed them to take his body from me. I allowed those demons to take my baby from me." I can't stop now that I have opened up. The grief washes over me and I can't control it has it takes me over.

Dean pulls me more into him. "Lara you did not abandon your baby. He was born dead sweet heart. The demons took his life and you had no way to save or keep him. You are a wonderful mother. John loves you so much and you just know what to do with him."

"A good mother? What kind of mother allows her baby's body to be buried in a ditch behind a demon compound? What kind of mother allows their baby to be killed by demons, delivered by demons, hell even conceived by a demon?"

"Honey you had no control over any of that. You were a prisoner for 22 years of your life. Your entire life was that place. Your entire life was controlled by demons. You didn't allow anything to happen to your baby, it was forced on you. If it will make you feel better we can go there and try to find him and bring him home to be buried. Is that what you want?"

I shake my head yes. He always knows exactly what I need. "Really? I can bring him home?" He shakes his head yes and kisses my forehead. "Of course sweetheart. We can bring him home."

I relax into him and wait for the tears to stop. "What about Sam?" I don't know what to do about him. He never met or knew about his baby until recently. I had nine months of our baby living and growing inside me to become attached and to love him. He only knew about him after he was dead. Would he even care? Or want to go bring him home?

"I will talk to him and see what he wants to do." I can tell he is a bit tense about the talking to his brother about it but I know he will.

"Can I ask you for a huge favor Dean?"

"Of course anything sweetheart." He says with love dripping off of every word. I smile into his chest. "I know you hate traveling via Angel Airways but I can't even think about being separated from John for the night let alone actually doing it. Can we just have Cas or Gabe take us there and come back that way? I know you hate it and I would never ask you to do it but I am not ready to be away from our baby for a even few days and I cannot and will not bring him to that place. I don't want any of our children to ever have to experience that place. I know all of this is for a dead child that isn't yours but I can't leave him there like that."

Dean puts his hand on my cheek and gently moves my face to look into his eyes. "Sweetheart if you asked me to go to hell and back I would do it without blinking. Of course I will travel that way for you. I don't want to be apart from our boy anymore than you do. I am still so nervous about Raphael and I haven't forgotten that Crowley is out there still. We will go down there do what we need to do and come right back, hopefully without John even knowing we are gone. That child may not be mine but he is yours and he is Sammy's which makes him my responsibility."

I push myself up to him and kiss his lips and bite on his bottom lip gently has I pull away. "I love you so much Dean. God I wish you could make love to me right now." He pulls me to him and kisses my lips again. He trails kisses up my jaw bone to my ear. He nibbles on my ear gently and whispers into my ear. "I will love you forever dear and nothing you could ever ask me would be too much. I will do everything and anything for you and John. And has soon has you are able to I plan on thoroughly loving you."

"Thank you Dean. For being you and being so wonderful. I shouldn't have been so nervous talking to you about my other child. I should have known that you would have only wanted me to be happy." I am so lucky to have found him. I should have spent the rest of my life in that hell. I should have been thrown into that same unmarked grave with my child.

Dean kisses me once more. "Why don't we let Gabe keep John for the rest of the night and we try to sleep?" I shake my head yes. He knows more than anyone how tired I am. I'm exhausted. Between my nightmares and waking up for John I haven't been sleeping much lately. Dean has been really understanding about my body needing time to heal after the birth even though I can tell he can't wait to start being intimate with me again. I can't wait to be able to be loved by him again.

"Tomorrow is a big day. We open up tomorrow. Are you nervous?" I ask him has he pulls me into him and I start to close my eyes.

He chuckles into my back. "I'm a bit nervous but I know things will go good. Bobby and I are good at this. It may take time for it to take off but I know it will." I smile at his confidence and slowly drift off.

The morning is very hectic. Ben starts his first day of school and Dean starts his first day of work. I got up a bit earlier so I would have time to feed John before I started their breakfast. I didn't even have to wake Ben up. He was so nervous that he had hardly slept and woke up the second I shut the bedroom door to head downstairs to get John back form Gabriel.

"Hey honey why are you up so early? I wasn't going to get you up for another 45 minutes ." Ben gives me a weak smile and follows me downstairs. He looks so nervous biting on his lower lip.

"I guess I'm just a bit nervous. I'm really excited to start school but I'm scared that I won't make any friends." I put my arm around his shoulder and give him a quick peck on the top of his head. "You already have friends in school. You meet all those boys a few weeks ago and you've had two sleepovers with them since." He seems to relax.

Gabriel is sitting on the couch rocking a very happy John. I am so fortunate to have my awesome back up team. Dean and I could do it on our own but I'm glad we don't have too. The angels are always more than willing to help with anything I need, even changing diapers. Sam and Gabby love taking John for the afternoon and so does Jody and Uncle Bobby. It helped a lot after I first gave birth because my body was exhausted, and so sore. Uncle Gabe promised not to tell Dean but I went through so much more than a normal birth. Anyone else would have died the moment John's grace hit their body, not that they could have held him to being with. The grace coming in for a steady 23 hours had me almost exploding. I am getting better and no longer feeling like my insides have liquefied. Now it's just nice for one of them to take John for 30 minutes or so, so that I can have some alone time with Dean or Ben. I don't want Ben to forget that we love him just has much as John.

John sees me walking over to him and starts to giggle. I reach down for him and Gabriel reluctantly gives him over to me and I pull him to me and just hug my baby. I love how sweet and innocent he is and how wonderful I feel when I'm holding him. I walk us back upstairs to his nursery and sit down in the rocking chair to nurse him. I know once he eats he'll be ready for an early morning nap.

After he has eaten his fill I can tell his eyes are starting to drop. I put him on my shoulder and rub his back so he will burp and once he does he quickly falls off to sleep. The only time I let him sleep alone is during his naps when I'm wide awake to hear everything and anything. I lay him in his crib and I turn on the baby monitor where I have a receiver in my room, the kitchen, the living room, and the basement. I also check all the wards in his room. We have a devils trap by the window and the door and have more wards then I can even count carved into his crib and above it. I know my baby is safe; Dean has made sure of it.

Before I head back to downstairs I go back into my room and see that Dean is still passed out in bed. Somehow he managed in 30 minutes to spread himself out all over the bed. I don't even know if I'd fit if I tried to go back to sleep in our king size bed. I let out a chuckle and sit on the side of the bed next to his face.

I lean down and kiss his forehead and caress his face with my hands softly. God I love him. I didn't know I was capable of loving someone like this. Like they are your entire life, the reason you breathe, the reason you wake up. I never thought I could enjoy sex either. When I would lay in my cell and think of it I would sob. I would hope and pray that I would never have to do it again. Then I meet Dean and I wanted it for the first time. Now after months of being married I think about it all the time and I want it more every time I see him. I kiss his lips and wait for him to wake up. "Wake up Dean. It's your first day of work." I whisper into his ear.

In a flash he has me pinned beneath him and I start to laugh. "I thought you were asleep!" I say with a giggle.

He leans down and devours my lips. "I was enjoying the attention and didn't want you to stop." He mutters into my mouth. I can feel him getting hard. I'm glad that my post pregnancy body hasn't affected his feelings for me.

"I'm sorry honey I can't yet. It still hurts too much." I say with regret. There isn't anything I would rather be doing than making love with him right now.

"I know sweetheart, but there are other things I can do. Consider it my opening day present." I giggle has he claims my mouth again.

"Do you have to put clothes back on?" Dean whines from the bed naked has the day he was born wrapped up in our sheets. I turn around and laugh at him. "Well if you'd rather I could make breakfast in the nude and Ben and the stooges can get a peak at me."

He throws a pillow at me. "You win." He grumbles. He gets out of bed and heads into the shower. I head back downstairs to start breakfast. Gabby is supposed to be bringing bacon over this morning has a surprise for Dean and Ben since I still don't like to cook meat. Once it's cooked and I don't have to smell it I am better but I don't think I will ever be able to eat it. I would never let Dean know there have been times with the demons wearing me would eat human flesh. I tried one afternoon to eat a piece of cooked turkey and I threw it up before I could even swallow it.

I put the eggs on the plates and Gabby comes in the back door with a tray of bacon and Sam trailing behind her. I give them both a hug and kiss on the cheek and Gabby puts bacon on all the plates except mine and I hear Dean bounding down the stairs. We all eat quickly and everyone is filled with nervous excitement. Dean and Sam are both in their new coveralls and Ben has his new backpack waiting for him at the door.

"Ben I packed you a lunch but I also have lunch money for you. Which do you want?" I ask him not sure what is better for him. Jody told me that sometimes kids don't like packed lunch because it seems uncool to their friends.

Ben looks in the lunch I packed for me and grins. "I'll take this. I doubt anyone else in the cafeteria will have nearly has good a meal as I will." I smile at him and kiss his forehead. I wanted him to have something special for his first day. His favorite sandwich is salami with provolone cheese and sliced pickles on it. I put in an oversized chocolate cupcake with peanut butter frosting, a bag of salt and vinegar chips, and a can of Dr. Pepper. All his favorite foods.

"Dean we got to get going if we are going to drop Ben off first." I yell into the living room. I know he is getting John in his travel seat. I'm glad that John isn't crying, sometimes when we wake him up from his nap he gets a bit upset. I will be getting my new car today, well a used car but it's new to me. Dean and Bobby have been working on cars for Gabby, Sam, and I. We are going to use them has driving billboards for their new shop with bumper stickers for the shop. They have kept Gabby's and I cars a big secret and I am really excited to finally see it.

"We're good, come to the car when you are ready." Ben throws his lunch in his backpack and we all climb into the impala. Dean has John strapped in behind his seat so I can turn around and check on him and Ben climbs in behind me.

We pull up to the school and I think now I am more nervous that Ben. I hope he has a good first day. I don't want anyone picking on my new son and I want him to make friends. I can't relate to what he is going through right now because I never had to experience it. I never had a first day of school, or any day of school for that matter. I unbuckle myself and turn around in my seat so I can see him. Dean told me not to hug him in front of the school because it would embarrass him. "Have a great day Ben. If you need anything call me." I feel tears start to creep into my eyes. I have to let him go.

Dean sees me and chuckles and rubs my back. "Have a good day Ben. Keep your hex bag near you and don't let anyone see your gun."

I whip around and give him an incredulous look. "You gave him a gun to take to school?" I am ready to hit him. I hear Ben start to laugh behind me. "It was a joke Lara. We planned it out last night. Of course I don't have a gun. Just a discrete switchblade."

I guess with how we were raised and the life we have thrown Ben into that having some weapon is good for him, and honestly it does make me feel better. "Haha, very funny guys I'm really laughing." John lets out a giggle and a scowl at Dean. "So all my men are in on it I see. OK have a good day Ben I love you."

Ben jumps out of the car and turns around. "I love you too! See you at 3 to pick me up." I smile and he slams the door and runs to the school. I see the Chrissy's son Robbie standing out front waiting for him and I relax knowing that he will alright.

We pull into the shop and there are a few cars there already. One of their marketing promotions was that the first 25 customers got a half price oil change. There are others running all week to try to get people to come over. I see our crappy van off to the side and I know Sam and Gabby are here already. I am excited to get my own wheels. Uncle Bobby has already gotten me my fake driver's license since I don't have any paper work to get my own.

Dean gets John unstrapped and grabs my hand and pulls me into the shop. I think he more excited that I am to give me my new car. We enter and there are three vehicles in their bays. Bobby takes John from Dean then Dean drags me to the first one. "I know for now it's a lot of car for two kids but I plan on us filling it up pretty soon." He whispers into my ear.

I let out a squeal and he hands me keys to the SUV. He opens the door and helps me into the driver's seat of my own silvery blue Suburban. It's the perfect car to fill all of our children into. A minivan can't hold all the kids but this will do just fine. I lean over and kiss him hard. "Oh Dean I love it." I turn around and he even put a new car seat in for John and I lean over and kiss him again.

"Now honey I put in GPS in case you ever get lost. I have it all set up to sync with your cell phone so you can talk hands free, since I know you refuse to talk on the phone if John is in the car with you. I also upgraded the sound system and preloaded the CD player. You have a moon roof and store and go seating. If there is anything else you think you need with it just tell me." I launch onto him wrapping my legs around his waist and tangling my hands around his neck and I kiss him all over his face.

"It's perfect Dean I don't need anything else." I say through my kisses.

Gabby runs over to the car jumping up and down. "Look at mine Lara! It's so cute!" She squeals out has I look over at her new car. They fixed her up a cute and sporty hot red convertible. If I knew more about cars I would probably know what kind of convertible it is but I know Dean will tell me later. The car suits Gabby perfectly. "You're going to look hot in that Gabby." I yell over at her has she climbs back in behind the wheels.

Dean puts me down has I look behind her car and I see Sammy's pick. I am kind of surprised to see a big maroon truck sitting there. It's big and even has a full back seat. I give him a quizzical look. He smiles and shrugs his shoulders. "I have spent my entire life in that impala and I wanted to try something new."

I smile at him. "I like Sam. It oddly suits you. I would not have picked it for you but now that I see it well it works." Dean takes my hand and brings me to the back of my SUV and points out the window decal. There is a large decal that covers the back windshield promoting the shop and I look over and I see Sam's has one too. Gabby's just has a bumper sticker.

Bobby comes into the garage from the office with John on his shoulder and Jody next to him. "Well I guess we should open up. Looks like we have some takers on the oil change. Sam if you want to run the office that would be great. Gabby can you move yours and Sam's vehicles out of here? Are you heading out soon Lara?" He asks me.

I shake my head yes. I have a lot to do at home. Gabby moves their cars and I do another look over my new vehicle. I love it. Bobby hands me John and Dean kisses my forehead. "I gotta start working I guess. I love you."

"I love you too." They are opening the garage doors and I'm surprised to see Chrissy in one of the cars. I walk over to her car and she gets out. "Hey Chrissy it's really great to see you!"

She smiles at me and coos over John. "He is just the most beautiful baby. He is the spitting image of his father." She says while she tickles Johns little feet through his socks and looks back at Dean in the garage.

"He does look just like him." It makes me so happy that he resembles Dean so much.

"Oh I have been meaning to ask you Lara. I wanted to have a dinner party to welcome you both to the neighborhood. I know you have been moved in for awhile but better late than ever. I was thinking this Saturday night if that's alright. I was thinking you could bring Sam and Gabby too. I know they just moved into Sheriff Jody's house recently. Sarah and her husband and Heidi and her husband will be there too."

A dinner party, well that's new for me. "Sure that sounds great. Let me check with my Uncle Gabe to see if he can watch John. Why don't I have a sleep over that night? You can drop your son Robbie off and Heidi and Sarah can do. My Uncle Cas, Eve, Uncle Gabe, and their friend Balthazar will be able to watch them while we're at your house."

She shakes her head. "That sounds great. Who is Eve? I think I've seen the other two and I've meet your Uncle Gabe but I don't think I've meet Eve."

Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned her but she is going in and out of the house much more frequently now. "Oh yes Eve is Uncle Cas' girlfriend. She has come to stay with us for awhile."

"Bring them too. Has long as your Uncle Gabe won't be mad that we have left the two bachelors on their own." She says to me.

I smile thinking of Uncle Gabe and Baltazar taking care of four 12 year old boys and John. "Has long as they don't have plans I think they would love to come."

Dean comes up behind me and gives me a hug. He extends his hand and Chrissy shakes it. "Hi I'm Dean." He says to her nicely.

"I'm Chrissy. I am your neighbor and I was just talking to your wife about having a dinner party Saturday night with you both, Sam and Gabby, Lara's Uncle Cas and his girlfriend Eve, and some other mothers and their spouses that go to school with Ben."

"It's great to finally get to meet you Chrissy. I have heard a lot of good things about you from Lara and Ben." Dean gives me a squeeze and smiles at me.

"Well I just wanted to get my oil changed. I saw that you guys were opening today and my car needs it." Chrissy says pointing towards her car.

Dean smiles and takes the keys. "Sounds great. I'll get it done and get it back to you real quick." He drives the car into the bay and I turn back to Chrissy.

"Your husband seems really nice. Quite handsome too." She says with a smile. Her and I have spent a lot of time together recently. Robbie and Ben have been playing together a lot and she has me over for tea in the afternoons. I didn't want to bring her to my house yet because you never know who is going to appear there. She just hasn't meet Dean yet.

I look back at Dean under the hood of her car. He looks sexy in his coveralls. He's concentrating on his work and I just want to walk over there and jump him. "Yea he is the best." We continue to chat for a bit longer and before I know it Dean is walking over to us and handing her the keys.

"How much do I owe you?" She asks Dean pulling out her wallet.

Dean smiles at her. "First one is on me." Chrissy tries to pay him but Dean shakes his head no. "You've been Lara's first friend in the neighborhood and we're coming over this weekend. Besides by the look of your engine you are going to need some work so what's a free oil change."

I give Dean a kiss and say bye to Chrissy. I know Dean is going to go over everything that's wrong with her car but I need to get John home and work on some chores. I get John strapped into his new car seat and I pull out of the garage and Dean is walking Chrissy over to her car to point out some problems with her engine.

a/n do you guys still like the story? It seems like my reviews are dwindling every chapter. This story will probably be ending soon (not in like 3 chapters but soonish like 10 or 15 maybe) but there will be a sequel with one of their children.


	66. Chapter 66

Sam's POV

"Sam I need to talk to you about something." Dean says to me after our second day at work. I really just want to get home and relax with Gabriella on the couch but Dean has been acting weird for two days now. "What's up Dean?" I ask him casually.

Dean nods at Bobby and he leaves. Great this can't be good if he has talked to Bobby about it already. I follow Dean to the back office and I take a seat and wait for him to start speaking. "Sam, Lara has been having really bad nightmares since John was born. A few nights ago she told me what was wrong." Dean stops and drags his hands over his face. I don't know what this has to do with me but maybe he just needs to talk about it with me. It's unlike Dean to actually take about his feelings but maybe Lara has changed him more than I thought. "Lara needs to go back to the body farm we saved her from."

I jump up and shake my head no but Dean pushes me back down into the seat. "Let me finish." He says. I settle back down. I don't think that her going back there is a good idea. She was such a nervous wreck after we saved her that I can't imagine going back would be good for her. "Sam she wants to go back to get her, well I guess your, baby and bring him home to be buried. He's just in a grave behind the house."

It takes me minute to think and feel again. I feel like I was hit with lightening. I mentally check myself and I can feel my mouth gapping open and I can feel that my eyes are bulging out of my skull. I know nothing hit me but my whole body is tingling like I put my finger in light socket. I hadn't thought about our baby like that. That he was buried in a mass grave behind the house. How hadn't I thought of that before? It should have been my first question. I should have immediately asked where his body was and brought him home to Bobby's. "She's been having nightmares?" Is all I can get out.

Dean shakes his head yes. "Every night she wakes up screaming and crying. A few nights ago she told me that she has been seeing her son in her dreams and he is mad at her for abandoning him there. She wants to find him and bring him home."

I didn't know I had a son till a few months ago. Since I never saw her pregnant or meet him I just never thought of him really. I can't imagine what it must be like for Lara. She felt him growing in her. She felt him getting killed in her. How can Gabriella want to marry me when I am so heartless that I never thought about him? "Did she say what he looked like?"

"Um, no. Sam you alright?" I guess that was a dumb question. Why would Dean know what he looked like? It's a dream, not reality. "Sorry Dean, I don't know why I said that. Are you mad at me?" With everything going on with my head I can't lose him.

Dean shakes his head no and give me a confused smirk. "Sam why would I be mad at you?" Oh I don't know maybe because I rapped your wife 4 years ago and impregnated her with the antichrist. I lower my head I don't want to look at his face right now. "Because of what I did to her. Is she mad at me?"

"No Sam, no one is mad at you. You know that she loves you very much. Any hatred, anger, or fear that she had for you disappeared a long time ago. She was really scared to talk to me about the baby because she was afraid that it would upset you." I don't want her to ever feel afraid of anything because of how it would affect me. Lara has become the glue this family needed to stay together and be happy again. I don't want to ever be the reason she feels angst.

"It doesn't upset me that way you think it should. I'm upset that I never thought of him like that before. I am his father, when she told me about it I should have gone back and found him. I was too stupid and worried about myself to think of him." I feel so covered in shame and self loathing that I can't look at him and I don't want to go home and pollute Gabriella with all of this.

Dean gets down on one knee and looks at me. "Sammy it's alright. It was a shock to you. I didn't think of it either. It's just something that has come up. It will be alright. Do you want to go with us or stay here?"

I don't know what would be worse. Going there and seeing my child for the first time coming out of a mass grave or staying here and not doing anything. "I'll do whatever is best for Lara." That seems right. This is about her and her child. I have no claim but DNA to that child.

"I'll talk with her and see what she wants then. Don't let this upset you Sam. You have so much on your plate already and I don't want you making it worse for yourself feeling guilty about this. What is done is done. You and her have mended that fence along time ago."

I shake my head in mock agreement with Dean. I know he just wants to hear that I am alright and not beating myself up inside. So I will tell him what he needs to hear and do what I need to do. "Sam I am going to go home. If you need anything just come over alright. I don't want you taking this guilt on yourself. It's not your fault and nothing you could have done would have changed what happened. Lara is safe and happy now. You are safe and happy now. Everything is alright." Dean is just trying to make me feel better but he's just reiterating to me how I failed my child. I didn't keep him safe and happy. I let him die because of my addiction to demon blood. Maybe if I had been able to fight it more I would have seen what was happening in front of me. I would have seen that Lara was trapped in her own body. I would have seen that she was pregnant. I would have saved her and our child.

"I'm going to head home too. I think Gabriella is trying to cook tonight. She is going to make paella like her mom used to." I give him a weak smile and he seems to buy it.

Dean heads out and I lock up shop. I jump up into my truck and I drive home. I am not like Dean and I have no problem talking about or showing my emotions. I don't like to cry but I will. I can't stop myself from crying the whole way home. I should have been there for that child.

When I pull into the driveway I sit there a few minutes trying to collect myself. Gabriella and I have been having such a great time buying furniture and decorating our new home. It's what I have wanted since I was a kid, a real home to come home to every night. I jump out the truck and head in and Gabriella has the music blaring and she's in the kitchen.

"Gabriella I am home. I'm just going to run up and take a shower." I yell in to the kitchen. I hear her yelling back at me over the music. "Alright honey I am going to finish up in here just come down when you are ready."

I walk into our bedroom and strip off my coveralls and the shirt I have on underneath and just stand in the middle of the room for a minute. I don't deserve to be this happy. To have a wonderful woman downstairs who I am going to marry, to have a great house, and a new job. I should be the one that is dead in that grave.

a/n thanks to everyone who left me such nice and sweet reviews last chapter you guys are the best. And I am glad to see that you guys are excited about a sequel with one of their kids! Hope you guys liked this chapter to if so and you have time review it.


	67. Chapter 67

Dean's POV

She has been a nervous wreck all week about this dinner party. I don't know what the big deal is but Jody explained to me that it's a big deal out here in suburbia. Lara has been agonizing over what to bring. She has never been to one and Jody told her it was customary to bring a hostess gift or a desert. Gabby immediately decided she was bringing wine. Eve seems just has confused has Lara about this whole thing and decided she would bring wine to.

Lara didn't want to bring wine and has been all over the internet looking for a recipe she likes for desert. I'm not sure what she decided on but I know it will be great. She has been working all afternoon on food for Ben and his friends to have for their sleep over. I come up behind her in the kitchen. "You know we can just order pizza and they will be happy."

Lara hits me lightly. "Yes I know but for his first sleep over at home I want it to be special. Are you going to grill the burgers and hot dogs soon? We have to leave in the next 30 minutes." I laugh and grab the meat and take it outside. She has already made potato salad, cookies, cupcakes, and French fries from scratch. Woman can sure has hell cook.

I guess her being so worried about going to a dinner party and Ben's first sleep over at home has helped distracted her from needing to go back to the body farm. I was so shocked when she said it. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why she needed to go back until she told me it was to get her son. I understand that. I should have thought of it sooner. I talked to Sammy about it and he seemed to take it alright. He got very quiet and just nodded a lot at me. I know he still feels guilty about it but with his mind the way it is now I can't ask him to come with us. I feel bad that she was scared to tell me at first. She should know that I love her more than anything by now, but I guess I can understand her hesitation too. It just makes me really frustrated that she felt there was something she thought she couldn't tell me. Her nightmares have been upsetting her for a month and she only just told me what was really happening this week.

While I'm grilling Gabby and Sam come across the yard. Gabby is in a dark brown dress with dark brown boots on. She has a bunch of gold accessories on too. Sam is in a pair of dark grey slacks with a light purple button up shirt. I look at him and start to laugh. He gives me his bitch face and I can't stop laughing. Gabby shoots daggers at me. "What he looks hot and he'll be getting lucky tonight."

Sam turns a bit red. "She picked it out." He said sheepishly. Has if on cue Lara yells out the back sliding door. "Dean I have your clothes laid out on the bed."

Gabby and Sam both look at me and start laughing at me. I continue to finish the burgers and hot dog. "Oh yea real funny guys." I mumble under my breath has I finish cooking. When I'm done I pile them on a plate and come into the house. Cas and Eve are standing in the kitchen and they both are dressed nicely too. Eve must have dressed Cas to because he's not wearing his normal trench coat and slouchy suit. She has him in nice dark blue dress pants with a light blue button up shirt. Please god don't let Lara have picked a similar outfit for me.

Lara turns the corner into the kitchen holding John in her arms but I am blown away at how sexy she looks. She has a on a dark blue sweater dress that make her breasts look huge. All I want to do it take her back upstairs and undress her. She notices that I am staring at her and starts to blush. I walk over and kiss her gently. "You look amazing honey. I can't wait to get you out of that dress later tonight." She blushes deeper and takes John over to Gabriel who just came upstairs.

I start to walk towards the stairs when there's a knock at the door. "Can you get that sweet heart?" Lara yells at me from the kitchen. "Yea not a problem."

I walk to the door and yank it open. A teenage boy runs by me with a flash and meets Ben behind me and they are talking about some video game. I let out a chuckle and turn back towards the adult at the door. She looks slightly familiar but I can't really place her. "Well if it isn't Dean Winchester." She says to me.

Oh shit, this must be Sarah. Lara said she remembered me. I hardly remember her. We meet 15 years ago while I was relaxing at Bobby's after a really hard hunt. I was 18 and managed to sneak into a bar in town with a fake id. She was a waitress there. It didn't take long for us to be heading back to her place. I was pretty drunk and don't remember it that well. I clearly remember waking up the morning and looking down at her and wincing and sneaking out of the apartment before she woke up. I don't want to give her the satisfaction of remembering her. I don't like that she even mentioned me to Lara. "Yep that's me. And you are?" I ask with fake niceness in my voice. No one tries to hurt my wife.

Her face drops for a minute but she plasters on a fake smile quickly. "I am Sarah, I am Zak's mom. We meet a few years ago I was Sarah Quinn then I am now Sarah Lothrop." She extends her hand and I am forced to shake it.

Even though I do remember her I still only vaguely do. The main reason I remember her is because of her obnoxiously fake bleached blonde hair. I thought it was bad then but I wanted to get laid. It's only gotten worse with time. I can see how some men could still find her attractive. She has kept her figure well and she still has a good rack but ever since I meet Lara I find it hard to find any woman attractive besides her. "Oh yea. I think I remember you now." She smiles at me seductively and I feel the bile in the back of my neck. This woman is going to be a problem.

Lara comes up behind me and I quickly turn around and put my arm around her protectively and kiss her temple. "Oh hi Sarah. Zak and Ben have already ran downstairs. I just have to finish a few things and we'll be over to Chrissy's soon."

Sarah tries to smile at me but I slam the door and turn around and give Lara and passionate kiss. I think she wants to yell at me for slamming the door in Sarah's face but I distract her by deepening the kiss and claiming her mouth. "You look really sexy Lara. Why don't we skip the party get a hotel room and spend the night just the two of us."

She giggles into my lips and hits me lightly in the stomach. "Go up and change. Maybe if you're lucky I'll try putting John is his crib tonight and we can see about some alone time. I still need a few days but like you said earlier there are still things we can do. Now go change!" She says pushing me up the stairs hitting my butt lightly has I run up the stairs.

Thank you God! Is all I can say when I look at the clothes laid out on our bed. Unlike the other poor saps downstairs I get to wear normal clothes! She has a pair of clean, crisp, new, dark blue jeans. Yes jeans, not some kind of trouser but jeans! I have to wear a brown and blue striped button up shirt but I still get to wear jeans. Take that Sammy. Lara is also making we wear nicer shoes but I get jeans. I quickly change and run back downstairs.

Lara is holding John rocking him back and forward cooing at him. We'll only be right across the street but I know that is further than she wants to be from our son. I have put more wards around the house that I even knew was possible. I researched for things I'm not even sure still exists but I have to make sure he is safe. Any gap I may have left Cas, Gabe, and Balthazar filled in for me. Our home is safe and that's all I can ask for. "Sweetheart, I love you. I will be just across the street. I Love you darling." Lara coos to our baby.

I reach out and Lara puts him in my arms for a moment and I give him a quick kiss on his forehead. I am going to miss the little poop machine myself. He's just so sweet and little. Lara says he looks like me but his nose reminds me of Lara. Maybe that's a strange thing to say, but every time I look at him all I can see is her nose. I love the little guy so much sometimes I think my heart will just explode with it. I don't didn't know my heart could manage to hold all the love I feel for Lara, John, and Ben but somehow it does. I worry more than anything that something will come and take one of them away from me. I kiss him one more time and hand him back to Lara so she can give him one last kiss.

"Ok sweetheart, Uncle Gabe and Balthazar are going to be watching you my little angel. If you need me I'll come home right away." Gabe takes John from her arms and rocks him. "I have bottles all ready for him in the fridge just warm them up. Make sure that the milk isn't too hot. Test it on your forearm before giving it to him. His diapers are upstairs next to his changing tables. Make sure to put the lavender cream on his bum when you change him because of his diaper rash. Oh and make sure to put baby powder on him too. And if he needs anything just give me a call." Lara keeps rattling things off to Gabriel and he starts to laugh.

"Lara I have watched him before. It will be fine. Just have fun darling and I will take care of your boys. Is there anything I should know about Ben and his friends?" Gabriel asks has he puts John on his chest.

Lara looks out the kitchen and points to all the food on the table. "Make sure they all eat, but don't let them eat too much. I have the extra sleeping bags, blankets, and pillows downstairs. If you need more check the closet upstairs. Robbie and Zak are already here but Heidi should be over with Colby soon."

Gabriel smiles and gives her a hug and kiss on the cheek and walks with the baby back into the kitchen. I take Lara coat out the closet and help her into it and put mine on. "Ready to go?" I ask her. She smiles at me and grabs her desert off the kitchen table. Gabby, Sam, Eve, and Cas follow us across the street.

I knock on the door and the woman from the shop earlier that week opens the door. "Hello you all. I am so glad you could make it. Come in please." Chrissy ushers us inside and Lara hands her the desert she made. "Oh thank you Lara this looks great." Gabby and Eve give her the bottles of wine they brought too. "Oh thanks guys. I'll open one these for dinner. Heidi and her husband won't be making it tonight. Heidi isn't feeling well and her husband is taking Colby over to your house but he is going back to take care of her."

Her husband Dan takes our coats and puts them in the closet and brings us into the living room. Sarah and a man I can only assume is her husband are sitting on the couch. Lara lets out a quiet gasp and grabs my hand tightly. I look down at her and she gives me a nervous shake of her head and I know she'll tell me later.

Sarah looks at me and waves at me. "Hello Dean" then there is a long pause. "Lara, This is my husband Toby and this must be your brother Sam right?" She asks me looking at Sam. Lara turns around and points at Sam and Gabby. "This is Dean's brother Sam and his fiancé Gabby they live in Jody's old house and this is my uncle Cas and his girlfriend Eve."

Everyone makes their introductions but Lara stays tense has ever. I think if we weren't with people she would be falling apart. I wish we were at home so she could tell me what's wrong. Chrissy escorts us all to her dining room which is surprising large enough to hold everyone in it. Chrissy and her husband Dan take the ends of the table and Lara sits next to Chrissy and I sit next to her. Sam sits next to me and Gabby next to him. On the other side of the table Eve and Cas sit opposite of Sam and Gabby because Sarah rushed to the table to take the seat across from me forcing her husband across for Lara. When we all sit down Lara grabs my hand under the table and squeezes it. I let go and put my arm around her shoulder and grab her hand with my right hand. She relaxes but I'm still worried.

"So how is the shop going? Chrissy's car is working great since you guys worked on it. Her heating and a/c was fickle at best and sometimes she had to turn the key a few times to turn it on." Dan asks Sam and me.

Sam and I look at each other and shake our heads. "It's going great so far. We've been busy which is good." I respond.

Chrissy smiles at us. "So what did you guys do before you all moved here?" She asks casually, not knowing that answer isn't casual or easy. I don't think I can say that we were running around the country killing supernatural creatures and stopped the apocalypse.

We all look at each other and smile. "Well I worked odd jobs around the country. I had a bit of wanderlust I guess. Sam went to college and afterwards got the wanderlust and joined me for a bit." I look over at Lara and she smiles at me.

Chrissy looks at Eve and Cas expectantly. "I work for God." Cas says bluntly. He needs to work on his delivery some still. Eve grabs his hand and looks at Chrissy. "He is a pastor at a church back home in Seattle. He has taken an extended leave of absence to help his niece. I meet him while I was singing in the choir."

Sarah looks at Lara and Gabby waiting for their answers. Gabby puts a fake smile on her face and responds. "I grew up in Spain with my family and moved here a few years ago. I did some security jobs. I meet Sam on a job and we got engaged a few months ago." She finishes with a wink and a kiss on Sam's cheek.

Lara grabs my hand tightly. She had worked on her cover story with Gabe and Cas since people were starting to ask questions about her and why three men lived in our house. "I grew up with my Uncle Gabe and worked in day care until I meet Dean. Then we got married and we moved here to be near Bobby who is like a father to Sam and Dean." They all seem to take that and move on in topic.

I feel something on my leg under the table and I jump and pull my leg back. Sarah gives me a seductive smile and I think she pulls her shirt down a little. I can't stand her and I don't get why she is acting so weird with me. "So what have you been up to since I last saw you Dean." She says strangely. Doesn't she realize her husband is right next to her?

Luckily her husband stops me from having to respond. "Lara you look so familiar. Were you at the University of Michigan about 8 years ago?" Lara shakes her head no and grabs my hand tighter. "Are you sure because you look just like this girl I meet there for like a week."

"Yea I'm sure I was in Seattle with my Uncle Gabe and Uncle Cas at the time. I never went to college." She responds shyly. Toby laughs and leans towards her a bit and I fight the urge to punch him in the face. I don't like the way he is looking at her. "So you never snuck away from your house and had a wild week in Michigan. Because I swear that you look just like her."

Sarah smiles coldly at Lara. "You never went to college? I work at the front office of the High School and I think I saw you on the list at school for getting you GED recently. Wasn't school something you liked?"

Lara tenses up and I start to move across the table but Sam grabs me before I make an ass of myself. She looks at me and for a moment I think she is going to panic but she calms it down quickly. "No it couldn't have been me. 8 years ago I was living with my Uncles in Seattle and I had leukemia. I was a junior in high school when I got it and I was sick for a really long time. I almost died and 8 years ago I was plugged up to a chemo machine losing all of my hair and puking every day. So no, it definitely wasn't me that you meet. And no I didn't finish high school. It took my two years to get better and by the time I was done I was still too weak to go back. So I kind of put it off. Luckily Dean has been really supportive of me going back to get my GED." I guess Sam's teachings have taught her more than I thought.

Toby's eyes are bugging out of his face and he leans back into his seat. Sarah looks at Lara slightly pissed off that her little dig didn't stick. "Robbing the cradle Dean?" She asks mockingly.

Lara blushes and grabs my hand again. Gabby gives Sarah a bitchy look. "She may have turned 25 this summer but she has an old soul. She had to grow up young with everything she went through." Gabby replies angrily to Sarah. Gabriella does not like anyone messing with Lara. She looks at her like her little sister.

Chrissy smiles at us and looks over at Lara and I can tell she wants to change the subject to something happier "So how did you and Dean meet Lara?" She asks. Lara looks up at me and smiles. "We meet about a year ago while he was working in Seattle. After I was sick my Uncles were very protective of me and I was still living at home working at the day car center. We really hit it off and I wanted to go with him when he left. So I ended up going with Dean on a trip and we fell in love."

Sarah lets out a chuckle and we all look at her. Chrissy looks actually sick to her stomach with embarrassment. "Sorry, I had a bit too much wine tonight. It just makes sense why you guys got married so soon, I mean with her protective Uncles and her getting pregnant."

Sam pushes Gabby and I back into our seats. He knew we were ready to launch over that table and kill her. Eve and Cas are sitting their quietly completely confused has to what's going on. They still don't have all the mannerisms of humans worked out yet. Lara smiles sweetly at Sarah and blushes. I can see the light bulb go off in Cas and Eve's heads. Cas look down at Sarah angrily. "I was the one who married them and I can guarantee you that she was not pregnant when they got married."

Sarah kind of rolls her eyes lightly and her husband gives her an angry look. Lara smiles and tires to sound has innocent has possible. "We decided to wait till we were married. I just got pregnant a bit sooner than we expected."

I grab Lara's hand and kiss it. "When I meet her I knew she was my soul mate. I didn't want to waste time that I could be living my life with her on waiting the expected amount of time."

That puts her back in her place and I see that she is surprised but keeps her mouth shut. The rest of dinner goes fast and I just want to get out of there. I don't want to be near that bleached blonde bitch and her crazy husband anymore. I just want to get Lara back home and relax in our bed.

After dinner Sarah and Toby leave dinner quickly and Chrissy stops me before I grab Lara's and I coats. "Dean, I am really sorry for how Sarah acted. I didn't think she would act like that. When us girls would get together and have a bit too much wine she would sometimes talk about this Dean guy she hooked up with when she was working in this bar during summer break. I'm really sorry if she made you and Lara uncomfortable. I don't think I will be spending has much time with her anymore. She really embarrassed me."

I feel bad for Chrissy and Dan. They really wanted to have just a nice evening but Sarah's and Toby's strange questions made everyone really uncomfortable. "I hope that maybe another time we can all get together again." She says to me.

I smile at her. "That would be wonderful. We can plan something coming up. Next weekend is Lara's and I one year anniversary of when we meet and I want to take her out somewhere special. Maybe in a few weeks we can." Chrissy shakes her head and I take our coats out the living room and help Lara put her coat on.

The clock says 12 and I'm surprised that we had been there that long. We all leave and head across the street back to our home. Gabby and Sam say bye and head to their home and Eve and Cas come in with us. Gabriel is sitting on our couch holding John who is awake and about to take a bottle. Lara runs over to him and Gabe hands John up knowing that Lara has missed John a lot. "Oh Johnny mommy has missed you so much. I love you darling." She takes him upstairs to feed him and get him ready for bed.

"How did the evening go?" Gabriel asks me. I look at Eve and Cas and they shrug their shoulders. Cas looks back at Gabriel. "I don't think I have spent enough time with humans yet because this evening was kind of confusing. One of the ladies seemed to keep trying to flirt with Dean unsuccessfully and Lara made up a very strange life for herself based off the life you and her talked about."

Gabe raises his eyebrow at me. "It wasn't great. I had hooked up with one of the ladies there about 15 years ago and then her husband kept bothering Lara. I have no idea what that was about but she'll tell me later. Just so you know she told them that she had leukemia when she was a junior to explain some time that she couldn't account for. Oh and when is Lara's birthday? Gabby said she turned 25 this summer. Why didn't I know about this?"

Cas and Gabe share a look and I now know how people must feel when Sam and I have a conversations without speaking. Gabe smiles at me. "Her birthday was while Crowley had her. Bobby told her about it. She didn't want you to feel guilty for missing it when there was nothing you could do about it."

I wish she had told me. I open the basement and I hear the boys talking and having fun downstairs. I shut the door and head upstairs to find Lara. I stop in the door to John's nursery and just watch them for a moment. She looks so beautiful and calm. Her dark brown hair has fallen over her face creating a veil for her and John. She changed out of her sweater dress and is wearing a sexy night gown. John is finishing up and she is rocking him on the rocking chair that Bobby had brought her. She looks so happy. "Hey honey almost done?" I ask her quietly making sure not to startle John.

Lara's head looks up and she takes her free hand and moves the veil of her hair off of her face and pushes it behind her shoulder. "Yes, he is finishing up and about to fall asleep. Maybe I'll let him start in the nursery and I'll get him a bit later." She says with a sexy smile and a wink. I like the way she is thinking.

I give her a grin. "I'll see you in the bedroom then love." I say to her and I head into our room. I quickly change for bed and move John's basinet away from the bed. I sometimes wonder why we keep it when he always ends up in bed with us. Lara is just so nervous about all the things after us and John, not that I don't agree with her 100 percent I just want her alone in bed with me again.

Lara comes in and turns on the baby monitor on her side of the bed and slides into the bed and pulls me next to her. I give her a soft kiss. "What happened tonight sweetheart? When you saw Toby you tensed up."

Lara falls back into her pillows and I lean over her and give her a kiss. She sighs and closes her eyes for a moment. "It was bad Dean. I was 17 and of course a demon took me out on a mission. This one had me a really long time. I was with it for about a month. We went to Michigan to the university there and it saw twins and it got really excited. It used me to lure one of the twins out of a bar where we drugged him and tortured him for a week. The other twin we seduced and slept with every night. We would film it and make the twin we tortured watch it while we pealed the skin from his limbs or burned him with hot pokers. When we were done we left and moved on to another city where we did the same thing another 3 times. The demon loved to mock the twin getting tortured. It would ask them if they wanted to trade places with their twin and how they felt knowing we were torturing them and fucking the other one."

I grab her and pull her into my side and pull her onto my chest. "I'm sorry sweetheart. That is horrible. I think he believes you and thinks it was someone else. I just wish I could take all these memories from you. Why didn't you tell me that your birthday was this summer?"

Lara blushes, looks up at me from down my chest and moves up and kisses me. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Crowley had me and I didn't even know until Bobby told me what day it was. Then when I got back I didn't want you to feel bad because we missed it."

I push her over onto her back and lean down and kiss her. "Why don't I make it up to you?" I ask her has I trail kisses down her neck. I feel her giggling in her throat has I kiss down it and go further down her chest. I slide the nightgown down her shoulders and take her breast into my mouth. She moans and I smile. When she moans it makes me hard. I don't think she has a clue how much she affects me.

Before we go to sleep Lara puts her nightgown back on and slips out the room. A few minutes later she brings John back into our room and puts him on the beds next to her in a den of pillows so he doesn't roll around. She moves next to me and I pull her into me and hold her for the rest of the night.

a/n just has a fun side note Sarah is based off a Sarah I worked with who acted just like that. She had a major crush on my man before we got together and was really bitter that he and I got together so she would pull all kind of weird stunts. And she had the most ridic bleach blonde hair with dark brown roots!


	68. Chapter 68

Cas' POV

Dinner was awkward. I don't usually feel awkward with food and a table but those two people were just about insufferable. For the first time I think I know why my father has left this plane. Eve looks over at me and I see past her vessel and at the lovely grace inhabiting it. Since Lara has given birth she has stayed with me. I am used to it again.

We head downstairs to the room that Sam and Gabriella used to inhabit. We don't need to sleep but it is nice to rest. "Eve I must ask you something." I blurt out before I have time for my mind and mouth to be on the same page. She gives me a confused look and waits for me to finish my thought. "What will happen when Crowley is dead?"

She knows I mean about us. I can tell by the look on her face. "I must go back Castiel. It is my place. They are my children and they need me. But it will be very difficult for me to leave you again." She lowers her eyes and waits for my response.

I close the distance between us and grab her and kiss her with my new found body. We have never done this in vessels. It's so different. I can feel her kissing me back and I can feel a longing in my groin for her. It's so powerful but it aches. "I can't lose you again." I mumble into her lips.

We don't talk for a moment. We just continue to kiss. It feels so foreign yet so wonderful all at the same time. I realize now why Dean kisses Lara so often. It feels like I own the world and I am so small and fragile all at the same time. "I don't want to lose you either Castiel but purgatory is my rightful place just like heaven is yours." She whispers back to me.

I don't like that answer. I claim her mouth again. I want her to feel how much I need her. She opens her mouth and allows me to enter and our tongues intertwine. This feels just so amazing. I pull back for a moment. "Eve the last time you left…" I can't finish the sentence. It's too hard to say what happened to me when she last left. It felt like the air had been taken out of the room but I dealt with it. I knew it was how it had to be but now it's all different.

"Castiel I know what you mean. Last time was so painful. I cried for centuries but it was what had to happen." She leans into me and I just hold her. I can smell her true smell. It reminds me of the forest. "Castiel I don't want to think about when I have to leave. Can't we just live in the moment for a while?" She asks me from my chest.

"Yes, we can do that." We can but I know when she leaves again it will just kill me all the more for it. She looks up at me and kisses me again. Yes it will definitely hurt me more when she leaves. We have been dancing around each other for months unsure if we could handle the explosion that would be our union if we were together again. It would feel like a balm on my broken heart while she is here but I know when she leaves there will be nothing left of my broken heart to fix. "Castiel I would like to be with you." She says shyly to me. It almost makes me laugh. The protector of purgatory, a goddess in her own right, is shy to ask me to bed her.

"Eve I would like that very much." I say to her and I kiss her again. We have been together in the ethereal sense before. But two entities meeting is so different from what we are about to do. For a moment I want to stop. I should be married to her first. I know that is one of God's greatest gifts to his children. I should have more a claim to her before I have sex with her. Has if she can read my mind she stops. "Castiel after the 1000s of years we have loved each other we don't need that." She is right, and even if we did it wouldn't change that we have to separate some day.

I have never copulated before with my vessel but I know what to do. When I first meet Dean he was very sexually active. It slowed down when he meet Lara but now that they are married it he has gotten more active than it was when I first meet him. It's not that I watch him but what the humans do that I protect sometimes seep into my mind and I can see it so I know what I need to do.

Eve's dress is easy enough to remove. I just help her take it over her head. I wasn't expecting there to be more clothes though. I didn't think that clothes could look so sexy. They barely cover her but they cover just enough that I want to rip them off to get to what's beneath them. Eve stops me before I can do just that and starts to unbutton my shirt slowly. I have so infrequently changed my clothes that it feels foreign to me. It doesn't take her long and she's sliding the shirt off down my back and starting to unbutton my pants.

The room in my pants seems to be getting tight and I look down at myself and I am bulging in them. I am confused but then I remember it is just part of the human anatomy. Soon we are both down to the small clothes that are hidden beneath the other clothes.

I pick Eve up and carry her over to the bed and lay her down. "I haven't shared my grace with anyone since you left." I say to her. She smiles and leans up to kiss me. "I haven't either." She says to me. We both expand out graces to mingle with each other through out vessels. It makes me feel calm and loved. I can feel her grace slowly intertwine with me and I start to tingle all over. I know she feels the same way because her skin starts to raise on.

We keep them expanded has our vessels meet. I have never quite felt something like this before while on the human plane. I trace my finger tips over her body and I they feel like they are on fire. I can't get enough of her skin on me. She lets out a moan and I stop for a second worried that I hurt her. Then I realize it's a good thing.

I try to take off the contraption that is keeping me from her breasts but I can't seem to figure it out. It's unlike anything I have ever seen before. Eve chuckles and sits up and helps me take it off. She doesn't make me feel embarrassed for not knowing how to take it off which is a relief. "I love you Eve." I say to her with has much love has I can put out in my voice while pouring it out of my grace into her.

She looks up in my eyes. "I love you Castiel." She responds while pouring her love through her grace to me. I don't think I can wait much longer to be with her. I have feel like I have been waiting for this moment since the dawn of time.

We help each other slip out of the last of the small clothes. We take a moment to just look at each other. I take in her true form has well has the form she has taken to be here. She is so beautiful and I ache at the idea of her ever leaving me again. But I know she will so I need to make enough memories to have when she is gone. I want to claim her heart, grace, and body has mine before I lose the chance.

I kiss her and she helps guide me into her center. I know understand why men kill for this. All those wars started over a woman over the centuries make sense. I take a moment to just bask in the glory that is her. I lean down and kiss her has we start to move together.

Has I hit a climax I didn't know that was possible my grace explodes out and meets her exploding grace. Has our graces implode into each other our vessels cum and I collapse on her. I don't think I could move even if my father came down now and commanded it.

There is a loud commotion in front of the door and Dean walks in. "What the hell is going on in here? Is everyone alright?" He yells has he switches on the light. When he sees me naked still in Eve collapsed on her his eyes grow large and he flips the light off again quickly. "Sorry guys…There was shaking and I was worried…ummm…yea." He shuts the door and runs back upstairs.

Eve and I laugh into each other's neck and I kiss her lips again. "I love you." I whisper to her. She smiles and kisses my jaw. "I love you too."

a/n I hope you guys liked it. A review would be nice since last chapter I got so few. But to my two faithful reviewer's thanks for always leaving a note!


	69. Chapter 69

Lara's POV

I don't know what happened last night but Dean has been acting weird even since he came back to bed. The house starting shaking and I told him not to worry about it. We live with angels and this stuff just happens I told him, but he wouldn't listen and he had to go butt his nose into it. He wasn't gone long and when he came back he jumped into bed muttering about how the angels and their love interests need to move out.

It's morning now, the morning, the morning of the day we go and try to find my child's body. Waking up was difficult. I knew the moment I opened my eyes it would be one of the hardest days of my life.

I'm not ready to leave John alone for has long as he will be. I don't like the idea of being so far from him either. I am going to ask Uncle Gabe to watch him while the rest of us go back to the body farm. I know he will take care of my baby. Ben wants to come but I told him that wasn't an option and he is staying behind too. I don't want any of my children seeing where I came from. It would hurt too much for them to see it. Sam was really nervous about coming but I told him that I wanted him there and he seems calmer about it now.

Dean is still asleep but we need to get moving soon. I shake him lightly while I hold John with my free arm. "Dean it's time to get up we need to get going soon." He lets out a moan and I know he'll be getting up a in a few minutes. I head downstairs to make sure everyone else is up and ready to go.

Gabriel and Balthazar are sitting on the couch playing cards and I smile at them. I walk into the kitchen to get breakfast ready for Dean before he comes down. Has I put the eggs on the stove Eve and Cas come up the stairs holding hands and giving each other sweet looks. "Hey guys are you ready to go?" I ask them.

Dean must have come down because I hear him huff behind me. "Oh no! They are staying here. They will be staying with John. And they will be wearing clothes the entire time." I whip around and give Dean an incredulous look. "Dean I was going to have Uncle Gabriel stay with John."

Cas puts his hand on my shoulder. "It's alright Lara we will stay here." I give Dean a confused look and turn around to look at Cas. "What is going on?" I ask him.

Cas looks at Eve and they start to blush. Cas looks back at me and blushes even deeper. "Last night Dean came downstairs and found Eve and I in a precarious situation." So this is why Dean has been acting so strange. Cas gives Dean a dark glare. "It's not like I have not found you in similar situations Dean."

Dean gets red and looks down at his feet. I hit him upside the head. "Don't be ridiculous Dean." He looks at me surprised and I can't stop laughing at him. I turn around and finish making breakfast while I bounce John on my hip. I sing nonsensical words to him has I bounce him making him giggle. Before I finish Sam and Gabby come in through the back door. Gabby gives me a hug and Sam gives me a shy wave which I ignore and give him a big hug. "I know this is going to be difficult Sam, but we'll all be together." I whisper into his ear. He shakes his head and takes a seat at the counter.

We all eat breakfast and luckily Ben and his friends are still asleep in his room. They were supposed to sleep downstairs but I think that maybe Cas and Eve blinked them upstairs. I know we can't put off leaving any longer. Bobby and Jody have made it and it's time to leave. It was my idea to do this but now that it's time I don't want to go. I give John one last hug and kiss and hand him off to Eve. "Come get me if you need me. I have bottles in the fridge for him." I say to her teary eyed.

Eve gives me a hug and kisses my forehead. "Don't worry sweetheart I will take care of your son. You do what you need too and we will be here when you get back. Nothing will hurt your little angel while you are gone." I know she will take care of him like he was her own but I don't want to leave him.

Dean puts his arm around me and we walk to the living room to join Sam, Gabby, Bobby, Jody, Gabe, and Balthazar to go to the body farm. I never thought I would go back there willingly. Dean keeps his arms around me and I close my eyes and wait for them to get me there. I can feel us move through space and time and when I open them again we are in front of the house that was my prison for 22 years. I clutch onto Dean and bury my head into his chest and allow myself a moment to crack, but then I put myself back together I need to be strong for this.

Gabe grabs my arm. "I need you guys to go break the angel wards so we can go on the property and help you." Gabriella and I grab hands and we can't seem to move. Bobby and Jody go onto the property and break the wards. I turn and look at Dean. "Before we all go in I need to go in there." I look at Gabby and she shakes her head.

Dean reluctantly lets me go and Gabby and I go into the house clutching onto each other's hands. We walk through the upper floors which we have never been allowed to do before. The demons must have taken their dead but luckily they never tired to rebuild here. Their stink is still all over the house though. It smells like rotting flesh.

We go through the rooms that the demons lovingly referred to as the mall. We riffle through racks of clothes and shelves of beauty products that had been used to make us look the way they wanted us too. I recognize many of the clothes on the rack. Slinky black dresses, hooker heals, miniskirts, tube tops, everything that made me their dream demon slut is here. I start to grab the clothes off the racks and throw them in the center of the room. I can't stop ripping them to shreds. I want to burn them all. I want them to sizzle from the fire and smoke has they burn.

Gabby grabs me and pulls me into a hug. "I know sweetie I know. It's horrible what they did to us. Just let it out." She tells me has I cry into her. I want to go the basement and see our cells but I am afraid to see them again. I don't know what it will do to me to see it.

I pull Gabby with me to the stairs and we look at each other. I know she is scared to go too. I open the door and we take the stairs slowly. When we take the last stair I flick the switch and I hear the tinking of the florescent lights. They slowly turn on and I see the cells glaring back at me, almost mocking me for being afraid. Gabby turns at the bottom of the stairs and I know she is going to look into her cell. I need to go see mine too.

I walk slowly across the room and stop at the bars to my cell. The keys are still in the lock where Dean let me out. I pick the keys out of the lock and clutch them into my hands. How many nights had I stared at these keys? How many nights did I try to use my mind it bring the keys to me so I could get out of here? I open the bars that contained my entire world for so long and moved into my old universe.

The panic and the fear overwhelm me. It's exactly has I left it. My ratty sleeping bag is still lying on the ground. Now that I have spent so much time out of it I can see how dirty it is. The bag used to be red but now it is a dull brown from the dirt on the floor. In the corner are a few books and next to them are the few baby things I had collected under an old tshirt and jeans. They wouldn't take them out of my cell after my baby died. They left them in there to hurt me. I tried to throw them out but they put them back into my cell and told me if I did it again they would staple them to my skin. My knees give out and I collapse onto my old sleeping bag.

I don't know how long I have been sitting here but I feel a hand touch my shoulder and I whip around and I see that Dean is touching me. "Sweetheart." He says quietly waiting to see how I react. I pull him down to me and hold onto him. He doesn't say anything but just holds me. That's what I needed. I need him here to just let me know he's here.

He lets me go and I turn around and grab the baby things together that had been kept in my room. I want them to go with my son when I find him. They may have caused me so much pain but I can also remember getting them together. I asked for a needle and thread and I ripped apart my only clean tshirt to make my baby two oneses for when he would be born. The demons let me have some things for him. I think they wanted my baby to be comfortable since he was the antichrist and all. I had one stuffed animal for him. One of the demons gave me the little stuffed dog when I was 6 months pregnant. It was used when I got him and he definitely never got any cleaner. I pick them up and clutch them to my chest. Dean helps me stand up and we walk back upstairs.

I put the things on the porch and Dean and I meet the others in the center of the back yard. They have shovels in hand and Balthazar hands us our shovels. Quietly we all start to dig up the backyard.

It's been hours since we have started digging. It was midmorning when we got here and it is the middle of the night now. Balthazar and Gabe were able to bring flood lights to light up the back yard so we can see what we are doing.

I can't believe how many bodies we have dug up so far. There has to be 30 bodies laid out on the lawn. Uncle Gabriel promised me that he would make sure that the bodies are buried again and cared for. I want them to be at rest now. I knew most of them.

"Lara, come over here." Dean says from his hole. I climb out of mine and I walk over to his. There is a bundle in a blue blanket with yellow ducky's on it. I remember that blanket. It's the blanket they took him away from me in. I remember the day it was given to me. A demon gave it to me to keep me happy, a happy mom means a happy anti Christ. I grab onto Dean's shoulder has I feel my legs give out. My baby is in that bundle. "Please Dean." Is all I need to say.

Dean leans down and gently picks up the bundle and puts it in my arms. I hold my baby to me and at the same time I clutch my stomach. I remember the first time he moved in me. I was so scared about being pregnant but when he moved in me all that fear disappeared and I was filled with joy and happiness. I love him, is all I can remember thinking. When Gabby filled with a demon stabbed me in the stomach I knew at that moment my baby had died. I felt him die in me. I felt his lifeless body sitting in mine for a month. It broke and destroyed all that hope and love that I had been filled with.

Gabe lowers his arm and helps me out of the whole. I don't let go of my baby and I stumble over to where Sam is staring me. I lock eyes with him and nod for him to follow me. We should have a moment alone with him. I feel Dean trying to follow me but I hear Gabriel stop him. "No Dean, let them do this first."

Sam follows me to the porch where I sit down and hold his body to mine my tears fall onto the once light blue blanket. Sam sits next to me and I lean into him. "Do you want to hold him?" I ask him not sure what is answer will be, this is his son has well. Sam shakes his head yes nervously and I gently transfer the light bundle over to Sam's arms.

I have never seen such pain on his face before. Not even when Lucifer is mentally attacking him. He pulls the bundle that has our baby in it to his chest and just rocks it back and forth. He starts to hum a lullaby and I see tears coming to his eyes and slowly falling down his cheeks. This hurts him just has much as it hurts me. I wasn't sure how he would feel but I see that he loves this little bundle.

I don't interrupt Sam and his moment with our child and let him just rock him and sing to him. After a while Sam seems to realize that he has been holding him for a long time. He hands him back to me. "What were you going to name him?" He asks me.

There were so many names that I liked, but one had stuck with me from the time we spent time together. "You are going to laugh but I liked the name Dean. You had spoken to Ruby about your brother so much that it stuck and I liked the name." I feel the blush taking over my cheeks and Sam smiles at me. "I like it." He says softly.

I want to see him. I know it won't be him, but I want to see him. I slowly pull the blanket away from his body and his skeleton is slowly exposed. Seeing him like this makes me want to scream, cry, and pull my hair out but I can't. My heart feels like it is cracking and exploding into a million pieces. This is my baby, he should be four years old and happy and bouncing around. I want him to be alive with me and my husband and my other children. I can almost see what he would look like and not his skeleton. I look up at Sam. "He's beautiful." I say through my tears.

"He's amazing." Sam says has he caresses the side of his face. I wonder if he is seeing him like I am now? Like he is alive. His skin is pink and healthy and he's smiling at me.

Sam puts his arm around me pulls me into him. If someone just walked by they might think that we're just a young couple cooing over our first born child. That is so far from the truth though. That is not what they would be seeing. They would be seeing two parents who never got to hold their living child breaking apart.

I need Dean now. I wanted this moment for Sam and me but I need Dean now. Sam feels me tense up and he stands up and gives me a weak smile. "Wait here." He says quietly and he walks towards our family who are all huddled in the middle of the yard. He walks up to Dean and says something to him. Dean gives him a hug and he runs over to me.

Dean sits on the porch and pulls me into him. "Can I see him?" He asks me. I want to cry. It's the perfect thing to say. I pull the blanket back and I show Dean my child. "He is handsome." Dean says through unshed tears. He brushes his hand over my baby's cheek. I lean down and kiss his forehead. "Did Sam tell you what I wanted to name him?"

Dean shakes his head no. I smile at him. "Sam would lay in bed with Ruby and tell her stories about you. Ruby didn't think much of them but they were the highlight of my life up until then. He would tell me all the wonderful things you did and all the crazy things that you guys got into. Somehow along the way your name became my favorite word in the English language. So when I needed to name him I knew that Dean was the perfect name for him since he was the most amazing thing to ever happen to me." Dean leans down and kisses my forehead.

"I love you, and I will love you forever and ever." He whispers into my ear. I know he is trying not to cry, he doesn't like to cry not even in front of me. I lean back and kiss his lips. "I love you Dean. Since the first time I heard about you I knew I wanted you. Can we go home now? I want to bring him home."

"Let's get him home." Dean says quietly has he stands up. He lowers his hand and I take it. He helps me to my feet and we walk over to our family. When we get to them Gabby puts her arms around me and gives me a supportive hug. She looks in at my baby's skeleton and smiles. She leans in and gives him a kiss on the forehead.

Gabriel and Balthazar look over at my child, Gabe brushes his cheek. "Lara, darling, he is in heaven now and he is at peace. Dean's and Sam's mom is taking care of him. She has been since he passed away. Even John is head over heels in love with him." I fall into Dean and start to sob. I am glad to know that he is well loved and taken care of. That's all that matters. "We are going to take you home then we will come back to put the rest of these souls at rest."

a/n I hope you liked it. If you did and have time please review


	70. Chapter 70

Sam's POV

He left me alone today. I don't know if he took pity on me or if there is only so much pain the human mind can take before falling apart but he stayed away while I was at the farm digging for my son. I thought for sure he would resurface when Lara put our beautiful boy in my arms but he didn't. He stayed away.

I don't know how Lara does it. She is the strongest person I have ever met. If I were her I would not have been able to forgive me let alone hand me my child. She allowed me to hold him and mourn for him in my own way. I just don't understand how she does it.

Gabriel allowed us to see our son like he would or should have been. He told me that he helped us see him like that. He thought it would give us closure or something. When Lara tensed up I knew she needed Dean. I was just happy that she allowed me to have a moment with him but I know what she really needs is Dean there with her. Gabriel told me that it was all he could do and he's sorry that he couldn't bring him back. Gabriel assured me that the life that our son is living, if that's what you call it, is nice and peaceful. He doesn't have to fulfill some prophecy of being the anti Christ and my mom is taking care of him. I have a hard time imagining my dad being kind and loving but that is what Gabriel tells me he's like now.

When we got back to the house a new kind of work started. We had found him and now we had to put his body at rest has well. Lara found a spot in the backyard that she likes. It's in the back right corner of their yard. The corner is a bit empty but I know she plans on making it look beautiful for him. Castiel and Eve were ready to hand John over to Lara when she came home but she wasn't ready yet. She needed more time with her dead child. She sent Castiel, Eve, John, and Ben over to our home so that we could prepare.

Dean and Gabriella have gone into the backyard to prepare the spot and Lara and I are in her room preparing our baby. She took the blue blanket and put it in the washing machine along with baby clothes she had sewn and the stuffed dog. She said she wanted to make it clean for him. We are now in her bathroom. Gabriel blessed the already blessed water that runs through their home to make the water in the tube about has holy has it can be. Lara wants to bath him in holy water to try and erase the horrible place he had been buried in.

He still looks like he would. Lara is leaning over the tub holding him in her arms. She is gently rinsing the water over him. She's singing him lullaby's that she sings to John. We haven't spoken much since we got up here. She's so loving, she's a wonderful mom. I wish when I was growing up I would have had someone like her.

"Do you think that we could have kept him from being what the demons wanted and allowed him to have a good normal life?" I ask her. She looks up at me with a sad smile. "I think we could have. We could have kept him safe from all this just like you and Dean managed to stop the apocalypse. We would have kept him safe and he would have had a good life. You will make a good Daddy someday Sam." She says at the end quietly.

I can't look her in the eyes yet. I don't know if I would make a good father. Gabriella is willing to marry me but I won't ask her to make a child with me. I don't want to pass whatever horrible things that are in me to our child. I wonder what would have happened if I realized that Ruby and Lara were pregnant. What I hope would have happened is she would have told me and we could have run away together. I can only pray that I would have noticed that she was possessing Lara and exorcised her. Then we could have raised our child and he would be alive. Maybe Dean and her would have still would have fallen in love and gotten married. I know that Dean would have played hard to get with her since she had my child but eventually she would have made him realize that he loved her and it was alright. They would have been married and we all would have raised him together probably. I don't know if I would have meet Gabriella though. That would have been horrible. I can't imagine her not being in my life. She has been so wonderful through this whole thing. She has been acting so supportive and not angry with me for everything. I was worried she would decide it was time to leave me when all of this came out again. But instead when I got home from Dean telling me what Lara needed us to do she held me. I cried in her arms for hours. I couldn't stop. She didn't call me weak or evil she just held me. When Lara brought our child over to the group Gabriella even leaned in and kissed him.

"Sam I am going to go the washer and dryer I'll be right back. Can you dry him off while I go get his things?" I shake my head yes and she gently places him in my arms. I wrap him in a towel and gently dry him off. I do want a child.

She's not gone long and when she comes back up she has all of his things clean and laundered. She puts them all on her bed and puts her arms out for him. I put him back in her arms and she rocks him for a moment and sings another lullaby to him. "Rock a bye baby on the tree top. When the wind blows the cradle will rock." She rocks her arms even more exaggerated when she says the cradle will rock. "When the bow breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby, cradle and all."

Lara puts him in the baby clothes she made him and cuddles the little stuffed dog in his arms. She wraps him up tight in the baby blanket and kisses him again. Gabriel had put a small coffin in her bedroom and Lara reluctantly places him inside the coffin. The moment she lays him down she grabs him again and holds him to her. "I can't do it yet Sam." She says with tears in her voice.

"You don't have to yet." I say putting my arm around her. I pick up the coffin and we go downstairs. Lara keeps him close to her body.

I take the last step and walk into the kitchen placing the coffin on the counter. Dean and Gabriella are just coming in from the back yard. Gabriella grabs me into a tight hug. "She's in the living room Dean." I say to him and he runs into the living room to find her.

Gabriella stays attached to me and gives me quiet strength to do this. It takes a while but Dean brings Lara into the kitchen. She is sobbing in to his chest and our child is nestled safely in hers. Gabriel, Balthazar, Castiel, and Eve appear behind us and Gabriel immediately runs over to Lara. "It is alright darling. It is alright." He says to her while he puts his arms around her open back. Dean used to get a bit angry at how casual Gabriel acts around Lara but he has come around to it and knows that he cares for her.

Dean guides Lara to the coffin and Lara gently puts him in and Gabriel shuts the lid. Before can rip the lid off Dean grabs her and holds her tightly in his arms. She tries to fight against him then she stops fighting and just starts to cry out in his chest. I lift up the coffin and we all go out to the back yard to have our small burial.

I couldn't sleep at home tonight. I know it's sad and pathetic but I needed to be weak and sleep in the same room has my big brother tonight. We have spent almost my entire life in small hotel rooms not more than 5 feet from each other. Tonight I needed that again.

Gabriella and I are sleeping on an air mattress on the floor in Dean's and Lara's room while they are sleeping in bed with John. It takes Dean a long time to get Lara calm enough to go to sleep. I'm pretty sure that she fell asleep crying. After tossing and turning in bed for quite a long time Dean got out of bed and heads downstairs. I know that he is probably drinking. It's what he does when he doesn't know how to handle his emotions.

I hear Lara wake up and look around in bed. I sit up and Gabriella sits up next to me. "Where is he?" She asks terrified. John starts to get restless next to her and he's about to wake up. Lara quickly picks him up and holds him. I get out of my bed and walk over to her and take John from her. "He's downstairs."

Gabriella comes up beside me and gives Lara a hug. "We will take care of John you head downstairs." She says kindly. Lara shakes her head and heads downstairs.

Gabriella heads back to bed and I rock John in front of the window looking out in to the yard. I can feel it coming. Fuck. I can't let him in right now. "Gabriella." I say quietly hoping it doesn't startle John. He's coming, no scratch that he's here.

I clutch John to me. I won't let Lucifer near him and I won't let anything happen to him. "Gabriella." I say again a bit more loudly. She jumps out of bed and looks at me. "Sam?" She asks me afraid.

"Lucifer is here. Please get John…." Then the world seems to stop.

Dean's POV

Lara was in such pain today and there was nothing I could do for her. I couldn't take the pain from her. I felt so helpless. I hate not being able to do something especially when Lara is involved. I would take on heaven and hell to make her happy and there is nothing I can do to help her with this.

I walk into the kitchen and pull out a full bottle of bourbon. I hadn't been drinking that much lately but right now I need it. I need to get black out drunk and cover up the pain I am feeling. I manage to get quite a bit down. I'm on my way to being where I want to be.

"Dean?" I hear from next to me. I look next to me and Lara is standing next to me. I try to smile at her but I know it comes out more like a grimace. She grabs the bottle out of my hand and puts it on the counter out of my reach. "Dean you can't do this anymore."

I look down at my hands resting on the counter. "You cannot just come down here and drink alone when you're upset. We are a team now. We are married. If you need to drink you need wake my ass up and we will drink together." She goes over to the cupboard and pulls out a cup and pours herself a big drink and drinks it in one gulp. She pours another drink and pours one in a glass for me. "This is how it's done now." She says has we both drink our drinks.

I get up and walk around the island and wrap my arms around her. "I love you Lara." I whisper into her ear. "I know." She says back with a smile.

"I wish I could fix this for you. It's killing me that I can't. I hate not being able to do anything. I want to be able to make everything better and perfect for you. I want you to have a perfect life." I say into her hair has I pull her into my lap on the stool in the kitchen.

"Dean I love you but you can't protect me from everything. This isn't something you did and it's not something you can fix. I just need you with me. Has long has I have you I will be alright." She says back to me. I can tell she is going to start crying again.

Before I can respond the house starts to shake. Lara meets my eye and she is just has confused has I am. I put her down and we run up the stairs. Ben is standing outside his bedroom door and Lara stops pulling her to him. "Stay with me sweetheart." She says has she holds him to her has we walk into our room.

Gabriella is sitting on her knees closing her eyes. It takes me a moment but I see why she is closing her eyes. Sam is filled with light and it is overwhelming. Lara puts her hand over my eyes and I think Ben's. "Keep them closed guys." She says. She moves her hands from our faces and I blindly grab for Ben and pull him to me and bury his face in my chest and I keep my eyes closed.

I can hear Lara walking towards Sam and John. Just like that the light stops and I hear a crash. I slowly open my eyes and Lara is standing in the middle of our room holding John who is smiling and giggling. Sam is passed out on the floor of our room.

Gabby runs over to him and cradles his head. He slowly opens his eyes. His eyes are focused yet but they slowly focus on Gabby. "He's gone. It's gone. All of it is washed away." Sam says quietly. We all walk slowly over to Sam. I take a knee next to Sam. He looks at me and grabs my arm. "Lucifer is gone Dean. John saved me."

a/n Thank you all for your wonderful reviews last week. I'm glad and I'm sorry that you cried. Sorry it took me so long to post I have been fighting with an idea for this story and I can't decide if I want to take it there or not. AAHH I just can't decide if I want to do it or not!


	71. Chapter 71

Lara's POV

This week has been rough but this weekend Dean has something fun planned for us. He has been tight lipped about it but I am excited to see what he has planned. It will be nice to have a just a night for the two of us. We haven't one in such a long time and I have been so emotional this week trying to heal from everything. I still can't believe how great Sam is doing. John was able to clean his mind I think. The wasteland what was his brain is cleaned up and he is well normal again. He doesn't see Lucifer or hell. It's all gone. He can kind of remember what happened but he says fuzzy. He can remember everything that happened with the family but he can't fully remember Lucifer's attacks. He is happy and he is calm. Gabby and I have spent a lot of time together this week and she is so happy that Sam is back to normal. We are planning their wedding again. She had worried that the plans were putting too much stress on Sam and kind of put it off a bit. It's going to be small, just the family, at a church in town. She wants a real priest so that the angels can watch the ceremony and not have to run it. I am secretly kind of jealous that she will get a beautiful ceremony. Mine was anything but calm and well planned but in the end I am married to Dean and that is all that matters.

I am nursing John in the nursery because he woke up so early today. I hoped that Dean would possibly be able to sleep in but that hope faded when I heard him rummaging around our room. I look at the clock, it's only 6:15. John continues to feed and I must have dozed off while he was eating because when I wake up Dean is knelling in front of me smiling. "Hey there sweetheart, you need to take a nap?" He asks has he takes John from my arms and puts him on his shoulder.

I smile at him. "No I'm fine. I just must have dozed off." He smiles at me and gives me a quick kiss. "Take a shower then because we got to get going." I look back at the clock and it's only 6:30 where could we possibly be going this early in the morning. He must have read my mind because he smirks down at me. "I have all kinds of stuff planned. Go shower, and pack on overnight bag."

I do has he says and I shower quickly and pack an overnight bag. I'm not sure what I'll need so I pack a little of everything. I even throw in my angel blade and the colt, just in case. I have a nice dress and shoes, an extra pair of jeans, a t shirt, a jacket, and I slipped in a new piece of lingerie that Gabby helped me pick out to go under my dress. I think I'm finally healed enough to be with Dean tonight and I can't wait. I still can't believe how much he has changed my views on sex. For 22 years sex was well violent fucking that was synonymous with pain, misery, self loathing, and agony. Now after only a few months he has turned it into making love. Every time I am with him it slowly erases all the bad memoires I have of it. I'm slowly getting more comfortable with my body and everything that comes with it but he is so patient and kind and loving. He only ever once got aggressive with me and to be honest I didn't mind it, in fact I really liked it. I think we are going to be able to start getting more adventurous soon. I don't worry that he would ever leave me because I am dull or boring in bed like he did in that dream world that Crowley made for me. I am smarter than that now. We are in love, we are soul mates. Easy has that and soul mates stay with each other no matter what.

When I'm done packing I head downstairs to find Dean on the couch playing with John and Uncle Gabe sitting with him. Dean perks up when I come in and runs over to me and gives me a kiss. "We are going on a little trip. I hate flying so Air Gabriel here is the better alternative. He has already promised to bring you John before bedtime so you can feed him and get him to sleep." He looks so excited that I can't possibly not get has excited as him.

"Where are we going?" I ask him. He smiles at me and gives me a long kiss. "We are going on a short honeymoon that you should have had, but before that I need you to go to Gabby's and Sam's. We have one more stop to make before our evening out." He keeps it vague but I'm excited.

I leave the house and walk across the back yard. I wave at my baby's final resting spot and open the sliding glass down to Gabby's kitchen. She is already awake and brimming with excitement. "You're here!" She says with a squeal. Sam comes out of the living room and gives me a wink and leaves out the door I just came in.

Gabby grabs my hand and pulls my upstairs. Before I can even ask what she is doing she is styling my hair and doing my makeup. I notice that her hair and makeup look impeccable. "What are we doing?" I ask her with a laugh.

She giggles and gives me a quick hug. "You will see soon enough. Dean has planned it all out. Don't you worry about a thing." She finished my hair and makeup and I take a moment to look at myself in the mirror. I look nice. My hair is in a soft waves cascading down my back and she has incorporated some kind of head piece with it. It looks almost like a small tiara. My makeup is natural and soft, I like it. My eye lids are dusted with pinks and blues that make my eyes pop and she has a natural pink glow on my cheeks and soft pink gloss on my lips. "Thanks Gabby I look great."

Gabby smiles and grabs my hand and takes me back into her bedroom. "Close your eyes Lara." She says. I do has she says and I feel her dressing me. I want to open my eyes and see what she is doing but I'll do this for her. She has me dressed finally. "Please keep them closed just a few moments longer." She says. I hear her changing and she struggles to get me into a pair of high heels and she attaches something else to my hair.

I feel another presence in the room. "Eve we are ready now." Gabby says quietly. I still don't open my eyes but I feel Gabby and Eve grab my hand and we are transported. When I am back on solid ground Gabby lets go, and I slowly open my eyes.

We are in by the ocean. Cas is standing under a trestle and next to him is Dean standing in a tux with Sam and Ben standing next to him in one too. Sam is holding John who is a baby tux. I look over at Gabby and she is a flowing green dress just like Eve and Jody. I finally look down and I am in a white wedding dress. It's soft and billowing and perfect for a beach wedding. I know I am suppose to wait and be walked down the aisle but I need to hold Dean first. I run to him and he catches me in his arms and I shower him with kisses. "Dean this is amazing. How did you do this?"

He kisses me back. "I wanted you to have a real marriage ceremony and I thought that today would be the best day for it. It was a year ago today that I meet you and you changed my life. Will you marry me again?"

I laugh and kiss him again. "Of course I will!" I say into his lips. Dean shoos me back down the aisle and I see that Bobby is standing there to walk me down the aisle. I give him a hug. "This is perfect." I say to him.

Bobby blushes and smiles. "I'm glad you think so." Balthazar, and Uncle Gabe take seats in front of the trestle and Jody, Eve, and Gabby go out first has my brides maids. I don't know where the music comes from but with three angels and a goddess in attendance I don't bother asking questions anymore but I hear a harp playing the here comes the bride song that are at all weddings. Uncle Gabe has my camera and is busy taking photos.

Bobby grabs my arm and we walk down the aisle. I know that I shouldn't be nervous, we are already married and have two children, but I am. It's more from excitement than anything else. When we get to the end of the aisle Bobby hands me off to Dean and I grab his hand tightly. This is what I wanted it to be. Just a small outdoor service with Cas marrying us.

Once we are all situated and Cas starts talking John starts fidgeting in Sam's arms reaching for me. I smile and take John from him and put him on my shoulder, he quickly falls back asleep. Cas goes through the vows and Dean and I happily say them again to each other. This time we are with all of our friends and family. When Cas tells Dean to kiss the bride Gabby takes John from me and Dean grabs on to me and kisses me passionately, he even makes a production and holding me and leaning me backwards.

"Say goodbye to John for a bit, we have another stop to make." Dean whispers into my ear. I smile at him and take John back from Gabby and give him a kiss and tell him I will miss him. Dean grabs me and Uncle Gabe holds onto both of us and takes us somewhere else.

When we get there I look around and we are in a hotel suite. I don't know where we are but our bags are on the bed and Uncle Gabe has left my camera on the bed. "Where are we?" I ask Dean. He smiles at me and goes the window and opens the curtain. It takes me a minute to recognize the landmark outside our window. "We are in Paris?"

Dean walks over to me and puts his arms around me nuzzling my neck and kissing up my throat to my jaw bone he stops at me ear to talk to me. "You never got your honeymoon. Within an hour of being married your body was overwhelmed with John and I just wanted you to have the experience. Our first few months of being married haven't been the most peaceful. I thought you would enjoy this. We are only here until tomorrow morning. Sorry it's so short."

I turn my head and lift up my hands to grab either side of his face. "I have loved every moment of being with you despite how Raphael made it start. Our life has been great so far, and this is amazing Dean. I never would have thought of it. I love it. Can we go out and see stuff?" I ask excited.

Dean groans a little bit. "We can go out but I was hoping to spend more time in the bedroom." He says acting angry but I know he is kidding. I give him a quick kiss. "Well you should have thought about that before you took me to Paris." I shimmy out of my wedding dress and dig through my bag for my jeans to wear out. I turn around and catch him watching me change. "But don't you worry we will have tonight." I say with a wink. Before we leave the room I stash the colt under my pillow and put the angel blade next to the bed. I see Dean stuff a gun under his pillow and stash a blade in the bedside table. We catch each other setting up and laugh.

We walk around for a few hours. Dean pretends like he doesn't want to be enjoying Paris and the sights but he is having a good time. We go to Sacre Le Couer and Montemarte, I make him go to the Louvre to see the Mona Lisa, we head to Notre Dame and finish the afternoon off with a walk down the Champ Elysees. We eat at almost every street vendor we find and Dean doesn't bother putting up the façade that he hates French food because he's the one dragging me to the crepe guys. We head back to the hotel room to change for dinner. He won't tell me where we are going and I am really excited.

Before we head out Uncle Gabe brings me John to get ready for bed. I give him a quick bath in the sink at the hotel and feed him. I sing him to sleep and hand him back to Uncle Gabe. I don't like being separated from him but I know that if he needs me Uncle Gabe will bring him to me.

The cab drops us off at our destination and Dean helps me out. I look up and grab him and kiss him wildly. "Oh Dean this is perfect." I say into his lips. He is taking us to the Eiffel Tower for dinner, just like we would have on the other path on the last night of our honeymoon. He blushes and grabs my hand and we walk over the restaurant elevator. I am glad that I packed a nice dress, I would have been embarrassed wearing jeans. Dean didn't even make a comment about dressing up. He just did it and didn't complain, and he looks great. It's winter so he's wearing one of those long black coats over his suit and I can't wait to take off all his layers when we get back.

Our waiter takes our coats and Dean whistles at me. I didn't want him to see my dress so I put my coat on before we left the room, I wanted it to be a surprise. It's a dark blue silk strapless dress that has a sweet heart neck line that really accentuates my breasts, which are still larger than normal since I am breast feeding John. I have on my charm bracelet, which Dean put a small Eiffel tower charm on today, my engagement and wedding ring, and a simple pair of earrings but my neck and collar bones are purposely bare.

We talk about nothing important during dinner, we just enjoy spending time together. There is no mention of demons, angels, or any other thing that is after us. We talk about what we want to be doing in 10 years and how the shop is going. We talk about how much we love each other and how we love waking up with each other every morning. It's so blissfully normal and happy. No one would ever think that we weren't just like every other newlywed couple on a honeymoon.

After dinner we are both humming with excitement. I know he can't wait to get me back to the hotel naked under him and we have a nice buzz going from the champagne we had at dinner. We can hardly keep our hands off each other during the cab ride back to the hotel and I actually feel kind of bad for the cab driver. I doubt he thought he would have two people practically having sex in the back of his cab when he got up this morning.

When we finally get to the room we both stop and just stare at each other for a minute. "Are you sure you're ready Lara?" Dean asks me quietly has he brushes the hair off my face and starts to unbutton my coat. I shake my head yes. "I am positive just start slow alright?" He shakes his head yes and smiles at me.

He finally slides my coat off my shoulders and starts to kiss my neck and shoulders. I am very glad I didn't wear anything on them tonight and this is why. I wanted to feel him on me has soon as possible. It doesn't take me long to get his over coat and suit jacket off. I want to feel him too. I grab his tie and pull him with me towards the bed where I lay down and slowly pull his over me. We don't rush, we just enjoy each other. We haven't a lot of time for this in a long time. After we got married I was pregnant right away and now with John I like to have him sleep with us because I am just so afraid that something will come to take him.

I slide his tie off and slowly start to unbutton his dress shirt. I slide it off of him but find myself laughing when I can't get the cuffs off his hands. I take a minute to unbutton those to and throw the shirt on the floor. I want his skin on me now. Dean sits me up and unzippers the back of my dress and helps me shimmy out of it. He stops once I kick the dress off and I let out a silent cry of happiness when I see how excited he is to see what I am wearing underneath, Gabby was right when she said it would take his breath away. We were shopping for some clothes for Ben when she dragged me into a lingerie store and insisted I buy this silky and lace blue strapless bra, with a matching thong, and garter belt. "Lara you look… well you look… damn… you look sexy." He says with a smirk. I rendered him almost speechless. He leans back and down and claims my mouth has his. I like feeling branded by him.

I don't want to wait much longer, I want him in me. I start unbutton his pants and push them down. He smiles at me slides them the rest of the way off kicking his shoes and socks off with them. I go to take of my heels and the garter but he leans down to my ears, "keep them on." He says through labored breaths into my ear. I smile and he nibbles on my ear for a moment and slides off my panties easily.

"If it hurts, tell me and I'll stop." He was with me when I gave birth to John and he knows how painful it was for me, hell I thought I would rip in two. I know he's worried that I am not ready but it's been over a month and a half now and I feel healed. I shake my head and he leans down and kisses me again slowly entering me.

For a moment it feels a bit uncomfortable, my body trying to readjust to his size, but it quickly fades and it's enjoyable in now time. I let out a moan and Dean seems to relax knowing that I am alright and not in pain.

He doesn't need any more reassurance and we move together. I had forgotten how wonderful it is with him. I don't worry about containing myself, I don't need to worry about Ben hearing me down the hall or waking John up. I almost can't believe how much I let go. I am moaning loudly and screaming out his name. One look at his face and I can tell he likes it and it makes me scream out louder. We both cum and he collapses on me unable to support himself. I don't want him to move even though he is heavy he feels great just like this. He nuzzles his head into my neck and kisses me softly. I turn my head into his and smile. "I want to do that a few more times before we go back home." I whimper into his ear. I can feel him getting hard inside me again and I smile. "Oh don't worry about that Lara I plan on thoroughly loving you before we head back home." He responds to me.

There's a change in the pressure of the room and I tense for a moment. I don't hear John so I know that Uncle Gabe hasn't brought him here to me. Even if it was John Uncle Gabe would be smart enough to knock then to just come in here. My left hand instinctually lowers and grabs the angel blade that is right next to the bed. I look around Dean and I see Raphael coming at me with his own. I push Dean out of harm's way has I grab my blade and slam it into Raphael's shoulder. He lets out a scream of agony and disappears.

Dean frantically jumps out of the bed and grabs his boxers and throws them on has he jumps on me to make sure I'm not injured. "Are you alright?" He shouts afraid that I have been hurt. I do a mental check of my body and I don't think I have any injuries, I got to him before he got to me. "No Dean I am fine." I say back to him but I can hardly recognize my voice it's so shaky.

"Cas! Get your ass here!" Dean yells out in anguish and almost immediately Cas and Eve appear in our room. I pull the sheet up and around me has Eve leans next to me and hugs me. "Are you alright?" She asks me afraid that I have been hurt has well. I shake my head yes.

Dean glares at Cas. "What happened? We were here and the next thing I know Raphael is standing behind me trying to kill my wife."

Cas looks at from Dean to me and back to Dean. "Dean, I'm not sure what happened. I am going to get you guys back home and we are going to keep you safe until we figure out what is going on." Before Cas can grab me and take me home another energy starts to pull me from the room. "DEAN!" I scream out has I shoot my hand out trying to grab on to him.


	72. Chapter 72

Gabriella's POV

I am so glad today happened. Lara looks so happy. I was the only one still conscious at their first wedding besides Cas. They said their vows and they were in love and happy to be getting married that moment but it wasn't the right moment for it. Today was the right moment. They were surrounded by their friends and their family. And Dean got to have his little brother standing in for his best man with his sons has his other grooms men. It was perfect. Eve, Jody, and I were a bit nervous about just assuming she would want us has her bridesmaids but we just did it and she seemed happy about it.

Gabriel has left John with us and is on deck if we need him. I like taking care of John he is such a good baby. I want my own so badly with Sam, but I know he is scared. He told me once when he was really bad off when he first came out of the coma he was in when his mind fell that he could never have kids like Dean is with Lara. He said he couldn't pass the evil that is in him on to another living creature. It nearly broke me to hear that he thinks he's evil, he is anything but evil. Since John has healed him we have gone back to normal. We have mind blowing sex at least once a day and every time he's careful about making sure he's wearing a condom. I hoped that maybe he just didn't want to risk anything until we were married. He is kind of old fashioned like that sometimes. But one time we were just being spur of the moment in the kitchen. He was naked, I was naked, and he had me on the counter but he stopped to run upstairs to get one. I was hoping that when John fixed him that he would start to change his mind about everything but he hasn't.

Gabriel just got back from taking John to see Lara so she could him ready for bed. We are staying at Lara's and Dean's tonight so that John can sleep in his own home. John is asleep in his crib and we have the monitor with us while we are lying in Dean's and Lara's bed watching a movie. Ben is at one of his friend's house for the night. Sam's on his back propped up on pillows and I'm curled into his side with my head resting on his stomach. He's rubbing my back absent mindedly and I love it. "So was today like what you want for our wedding? I know you and Lara are planning something I just want to be prepared." He asks me.

I smile and cuddle into him more. "Not quite but the same guest list. I want a church wedding with a real priest. I know that we have three angels who could do it but I want it done traditionally. I thought I wanted something in the back yard and I may be a modern girl but I'm a Catholic at heart and I want it the way I was raised to believe it should be when I was a little girl."

Sam kisses the top of my head. "I like it. I like the idea of having a church wedding, you may think it's being to traditional but for my family it's the craziest thing you could come up with." He says with a laugh.

I jokingly hit him in the stomach and lie back down but turn my head to look up at him. "Sam can we talk about something?" I ask him changing gears. He looks down at me and shakes his head. "Sam do you want kids?" I ask him bluntly. I just need to know if it's ever going to happen.

He tenses up. I can feel the muscles in his chest clench and the one around me pull me closer. "Gabriella, what I want and I what I have to do are two different things."

I pull myself at of his grasp and sit next to him on the bed. "What do you want and what is you think you have to do?"

He frowns and grabs my hand tracing his thumbs over the tops of my hand. "When I look at you and think about marrying you and being with you for the rest of my life all I want is to have kids with you. I can see it so clearly. You, me, and a baby living in our home being a family, I can see our baby growing up and having great memories of first birthday's, Christmas', visits from the tooth fairy all of it. But Gabriella there is something dark and evil in me and I can't risk passing that on to a child. I am so thankful everyday that you can look past it all and still love me but I can't do that to our child. He or she would be born with a laundry list of issues just because they are mine."

When he talks like that it makes my heart break for him. "Sam you don't see yourself like the rest of us see you, like I see you. You are not evil and there is nothing dark in you. All that stuff is the past and everything you did you did because you thought it was for the greater good. You are a good man and you will make a great father. I want kids but if you don't want them well I will give them up for you but Sam I don't think you will be able to give them up. I know that you would not pass on a laundry list of issues to your children because you won't let it happen. If there is something that could mare our child you will vanquish it."

"I don't want you to give up kids for me." Sam says quietly. I lean in a kiss him. "I would give up breathing for you if that's what I needed to do." I respond.

"If I have a child they would be Lucifer's vessel. I have demon blood in me Gabriella and it would transfer into them." He can't even look me in the eyes has he says this I can feel the shame radiating off of him.

I put my hands on his cheeks and make him look at me. "We will not let Lucifer ever get near them. You, Dean, Lara, and me would fight to the death to keep Lucifer or Michael from every touching our children. He is in the cage and he can't break out and no one has the power to break him out. You may still have demon blood in you but it hasn't made you evil has it? You may have done some stupid things but you're not evil. The child may get some of it but it won't be has strong has it was for you and Azazeal is dead so he can't try to turn our child into the next leader of hell or whatever crazy thing he had planned for you. We will do things differently than your father and be up front with them about the possibilities and help them through it but quite frankly I don't think it would ever be a big deal. You haven't had any powers since you stopped drinking Ruby's blood and everything else stopped with Azazeal death. I think whatever was there is gone now. Don't be afraid to have kids Sam. We will keep them safe and address any problems if they happen. Don't let Azazeal and Lucifer take this away from you."

Sam finally looks me square in the eyes. "After everything you know about me, after everything I have done and said while under the influence of my own mind remembering hell, after everything we have been through because of who Dean and I are, you still want to marry me and have kids with me?" He asks kind of dumb stuck.

I lean in and kiss him softly. "You are an idiot sometimes Samul Winchester. Yes I want to marry you and I want to have kids with you. I want to grow old with you and I want to watch our grandkids running in the back yard. I want to just be with you because I love you."

He blushes and a smile breaks over his face. "Alright." I give him a confused look and he kisses me. "Alright, you win. Let's make a baby."

I really didn't think it would be that easy to convince him. I thought it would take years of convincing him to get him to finally see that it doesn't matter what was. But somehow in the matter of a 10 minute conversation I got him to agree with me. I let out a laugh and straddle him. I lean down and kiss him passionately. He smiles into my lips and slowly opens his so I can enter his mouth.

It starts to get pretty heated and we are down to our underwear when we finally stop for a moment. Sam looks around and starts to laugh. "Gabriella we are in my brother's bed." I had kind of forgotten where we were too and I let out a laugh and collapse on him. "Has much fun has it would be for me to tell him that we did it in his bed I don't think I would enjoy whatever form of sick revenge he would come up with."

"It's not like we would ever tell him." I say tracing my fingers over his chest. I can feel his laugh in his chest. "Knowing him he would take one look at me and guess it."

A good idea comes to my mind and I stand up and grab his hand and pull him to the floor. "Here now we aren't in his bed." I say with a seductive smile.

Sam gently covers me with his body and smiles at me. He moves the hair off my face and pushes it out around me. He leans down and kisses me softly. "I think this is a good compromise." He says into my ear.

We lay on the floor for a while basking in the aftermath. He hasn't been that free and inhibited with me since the beach. I smile at his weight on me and I move my hands over his strong back. He kisses my cheek and grabs me and rolls over pulling me onto his chest.

We slowly redress but I take his button up and put it on over my sleep pants and tank. I like the idea of wearing a part of him for a bit longer. "I am going to get John and we can get some sleep." I know that Lara wouldn't want me to go to sleep without having a careful eye on her son. Sam shakes his head and starts to pull the covers down in bed.

John is sound asleep in his crib. He looks so peaceful and happy. I don't know what babies dream about but whatever he is dreaming about seems to make him happy. I gently pick him up and cradle him in my arms quietly making my way back to Dean's and Lara's room to put him in the bed with us.

Sam is already on his side when I come in. I put John down between us and get in next to him. I quickly fall asleep but I am woken up by a sound in the room. I fumble with the lamp for a moment and finally get it on. "SAM!" I scream out has I grab John and pull him into the safety of my arms. My screaming and the quick movements scare him and he starts to scream.

Sam grabs the gun under his pillow and jumps out of the bed and stands in front of John and me. "Who are you and what do you want?" Sam snarls out at them. The four men in front of our bed flash their wings at us and I know they are angels. One of them points towards John and I pull him closer.

Before they can do anything Gabriel and Balthazar appear in the room and Balthazar runs to me and blinks John and I out the room. When we get where we are going I look around in confusion. "Where are we? And where is Sam?" I ask Balthazar.

"You are safe. You are in heaven in Gabriel's home." I start to speak, how can heaven be safe right now, but Balthazar stops me. "Gabriel has protected his home. You are safe here. I am going to go back and help them. Sam is still safe. Just wait here." Then he disappears again.

I look around in shock. I am in heaven. It's not what I thought it would look like I guess. It just looks like house. John starts to cry louder and I try to calm him but nothing I do seems to make him happy and he just screams louder.

His screaming becomes almost unbearable. It breaks my heart. I don't know what to do to make him happy again. He starts to fight against me and I rock him.

"DEAN!" Is all I hear when I look up and Lara is standing in the room with me. She is practically naked and wrapped up in a sheet wearing high heels. Well I guess it doesn't take a scientist to figure out what she was doing right before she got here. We both look at each other shocked to see the other. "Where am I?" She asks still in shock.

"You're in heaven." I respond. John starts to flail in my arms. I quickly hand him over to Lara and he starts to quiet down. The moment I transferred him to her he relaxes and the room is filled with contentment.

Lara is trying to hold John and keep the sheet wrapped around her all at once. I take Sam's button up off and hand it to her. "You're lucky I was wearing Sam's shirt, it should cover you like a dress." Lara smiles at me and hands John to me just quick enough to put it on and button it up and takes him back before he can get angry again.

She rocks him and sings to him and he slowly falls asleep. "How did I get here?" She asks me after John is peacefully asleep again.

I shake my head. "I don't know. I was in your room when four angels broke in and Gabriel and Balthazar showed up. Balthazar zapped us out of there and we got here and John got scared. He started screaming and ….." I stop for a moment. "I think John brought you here. He was scared and he wanted his mom so he brought you to him."

Lara looks down and her son and kisses his forehead softly. "Oh my poor baby boy. You were scared weren't you? Mommy is here now and nothing is going to hurt my sweet little boy. Nothing can ever get to you while Mommy is with you."

Dean's POV

God I have missed this. I didn't realize how much I missed being with Lara until this moment. She is a drug to me and I needed my fix. I can't even imagine moving right now even though I know I must be crushing her. She lets out a contented sigh beneath me and I nuzzle into her neck and kiss her. She turns her head and kisses me cheek. "I want to do that a few more times before we go back home."

"Oh don't worry about that Lara I plan on thoroughly loving you before we head back home." I whisper to her has I feel myself get hard again. Damn I have missed her. I drift off for a moment surrounded by her.

The next thing I know she is pushing me off her and she is wielding her angel blade. Before I can realize we are in danger all I can think is how sexy she looks wielding that thing. Then I realize that if she's using it something is seriously wrong. I look up has she stabs Raphael in his shoulder and disappears.

I jump to action. I throw my boxers on and jump back on the bed checking her for injuries. "Are you alright?" I ask her. I know my voice is shaking. I could have lost her. I was so lost in her that I didn't even sense him in the room with us. "No Dean I am fine." She says to me.

"Cas! Get your ass here!" I yell into the air. It only takes a moment and Cas and Eve both appear in our room. Eve runs over to Lara's side and falls on the floor next to her. "Are you alright?" She asks her while she visually checks Lara like I just did.

I don't blame Cas but I glare at him anyways. "What happened? We were here and the next thing I know Raphael is standing behind me trying to kill my wife."

Cas looks from me to Lara and back. "Dean, I'm not sure what happened. I am going to get you guys back home and we are going to keep you safe until we figure out what is going on."

"DEAN!" Lara screams out has her hand shoots up trying to grab me but she disappears in front of me. I reach out and when I should have reached her I only touch air. I look at Eve and Cas shocked.

"Where the fuck did she go?" I ask them getting angrier and more afraid with every beat of my heart. Who or what took my wife?

Cas closes his eyes for a moment. I think he is thinking or communicating. "We have to go." He says transporting us. I open my eyes and I am back in my bedroom. Gabriel is finishing off an angel, we arrive has he pierces his blade through his enemies heart. I can see the outlines of three other dead angels in my room. Sam is knelling over one of them with a blade in hand and Balthazar is standing up dusting his blade off.

I run over to Sam. "Where is John?" I ask frantically. Sam looks up at me and it takes him a moment to focus on me. Sam is so caught up in the adrenaline of the kill that it takes him a moment to remember me and where he is. He nods towards Balthazar. I run to him and grab his arm. "Where is my son?"

Balthazar grabs my arm. "He is safe. I got him and Gabriella out of here the moment they showed up." I cry out in relief. My son is safe, but where is Lara? I look back at the Angels and my brother. "Where is Lara? Where is my wife?" I yell at them getting louder with every syllable.

Gabriel's forehead tenses for a moment then relaxes. "I know where she is, she is safe. Get dressed and I will get you to her." I run to my dresser and pull out a pair of jeans and throw on a tshirt and the angels grab Sam and me and get us out of there.

When we get where we are I see Lara standing in the middle of a room wearing one of Sam's shirts holding John in her arms standing next to Gabby. I run over to her and grab her and John and hold her has tight has I can. "I was scared I lost you." I cry out to her.

She kisses my cheek. "You could never lose me." She whispers to me. I hold her even closer and pull her back just enough to look down and see that John is safe and sound with her. Neither of them have a scratch on them and that's all I needed to see.

I look back at Gabriel. "What's going on? Why was Raphael in our hotel room and why were there four angels in my bedroom?" I yell at him.


	73. Chapter 73

Gabriel's POV

I am going to kill my fucking brother. I got the answer I needed has I was killing the last of my weaker brothers who had attacked John, Gabriella, and Sam. ""What's going on? Why was Raphael in our hotel room and why were there four angels in my bedroom?" Dean asks me

I turn towards them and look at my brothers still standing with me. They have figured it out. "Dean, Raphael wants John and he plans on killing Lara to get him." I might as well get out there fast and quick and explain it all after.

Dean grabs Lara tighter to him and she cradles her baby more protectively. Raphael doesn't have a clue who he is messing with. That man will kill everything and burn the whole planet down to keep his woman and child safe."What do you mean he wants to take John and kill Lara?"

Humans just don't see the bigger picture sometimes. "John is God Dean. He is part of the trinity; God, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus are three parts of the same entity. God has been gone for a long time and with John being born a part of him is back and he will rule heaven. He is to powerful for anything to go up against him. Whoever has him has the power if they can manipulate him to do what they want."

Dean seems to understand what I am saying and he looks down at Lara. "So why does he have to kill Lara?" He asks afraid.

"John is a baby and the most important thing in a baby's life is his mommy. It was proven when he got here and he became afraid. He was so scared and agitated that he brought his mommy to him. Has long has Lara lives he will love his mom more than anything and will look to her and you for guidance. Raphael cannot kill you because he needs you when he plans on restarting the apocalypse but he doesn't need Lara. He knows that has long has Lara has influence over John he will never be able to harness John's powers for his will." I explain to them.

Lara lets out a cry and buries her head in Dean's chest for a moment. "They will have to pry John out of my cold dead fingers." She snarls at the imaginary attacker in the room and I believe her. No one will take her son from her while she still has breath.

"What do we do?" Dean asks me. I know what we have to do and he isn't going to like it. He isn't going to like it one bit. "We have to hide Lara and John until we can kill Raphael and she will be safe."

Has expected Dean is not happy. His face turns red and he is about to explode. "We hid once before and it ended with her getting taken from me for two months, two of the fucking longest months of my life Gabriel. I don't think hiding is the best option."

I shake my head. "Last time you hide it wasn't deep enough. I plan on taking her and John somewhere so deep that he will never find them, never even think to look there."

Lara looks at me now. "What do you mean you plan hiding John and I? Isn't Dean coming with me?" She asks on the verge of tears.

"Raphael knows that you won't be separated from him. If I hide Dean somewhere in plain sight he will assume you are with him and not look for you where you really are, but I plan on having a Dean with you." I say cryptically.

Lara and Dean look at each other confused and look back at me. "I won't go anywhere without Dean." Lara says quietly but staunchly. She is going to be a hard sell.

I walk over to them and touch her shoulder. Dean gives me a glaring look and I take a step back. "Darling, Balthazar, Castiel, Sam, Gabriella, Dean, and I will hunt him down and obliterate him but I need you to be safe. I need you and John to be safe out of his reach."

She shakes her head no into Dean's chest. "I won't go anywhere without Dean." She says back to me with tears in her voice this time.

"You will still have Dean, just a different Dean." I say to her. They both look at my confused again. "What do you mean she will have a Dean just a different one?" Dean asks me.

I smile at him. "Raphael is going to be searching all of earth for her. I plan on taking her to the one time and place he won't think to ever look. I am going to take her to the life that Zachariah took you too Dean when he tried to make you say yes to Michael. I am going to take her to you in that camp and convince him to keep her and John safe. It is the one place that no one would ever think to look for her. She doesn't exist in that world anymore and no one would put someone in a post apocalyptic world to keep someone safe. You will stay here and we will move you around every so many days and make Raphael think you are running with Lara and John, but we will be hunting him and a different you will be keeping her safe."

Dean gives me an angry look. "I don't want her going there. It is too dangerous there. What if something realizes what John is and tries to use him? Or what if the devil realizes they are both there and tries to take them?"

"I will be closely monitoring the situation at all times and John has proven today that he is stronger than I thought. He would surely keep Lara and him safe if he feels threatened. It should only take a month two tops to set a trap and kill him. This is best because he will not stop till she is dead and he has all his minions out looking for her on this plane."

Lara looks at me with red eyes. "I can't do it Uncle Gabe I am sorry. I am not leaving Dean. This sounds just has dangerous has what is going on."

Dean kisses the top of Lara's head. "We will try to keep one step ahead of Raphael has long as we can and if we are lucky we will take him out. If things get worst or the situation changes we can take another look at this option. But I'm with Lara I am not leaving her."

I should have known they would be so stubborn about this. I look at them and shake my head. I nod at Balthazar to take them all back to their home. Once their gone it's just Castiel and I. "For what it's worth brother I agree with your plan."

"Thanks, I know it's the best one but they will not be separated yet. They have no idea the shit storm that Raphael is going to send their way. I want to go talk with this other Dean and start to set something up with him. They may not agree now but a time will come when they will have too."

Castiel shakes his head in agreement. "Alright, I will go with you. This Dean may like you and trust you but that one will not. We need to be smart in how we approach him."

That's an understatement, if Dean knew we were giving him a weapon to stop the apocalypse he would use him without even caring that it is technically his, well a form of his, son. We travel to the other Dean. If Zachariah had not made this plane of existence I'm not sure it ever would have existed. We end up in alternate Dean's cabin. He is having sex with some woman and hasn't noticed us on the room yet.

The woman is the first person to notice us. She slaps Dean and flicks Castiel off. "A little privacy would be great Cas." She says has she stands up and puts on some clothes. Dean looks at Castiel than back at me. He holds in whatever thoughts are going through his head until the girl leaves. He gets changed and the moment the girl leaves he attacks us.

"Who the fuck are you?" He asks angrily with a gun pointed to us. Castiel puts his hands up trying to show Dean he means no harm. "I am Castiel, and this is my brother Gabriel."

Dean shakes his head no. "No, Cas is in his cabin right now having an orgy and Gabriel is dead. So I repeat who and what are you?"

I walk over to Dean slowly. "We are Gabriel and Castiel we just aren't from this place Dean. I need you to so a favor for us."

Dean laughs loudly and lowers his gun. "What makes you think I would do anything for your assholes?" I look at Castiel and he seems surprised. He has forgotten what it was like to not have Dean trust him. "You will help us because we will give you something in return."

Dean gives me a quizzically look and nods for me to keep going. "As you know Castiel wears Jimmy Novak has a vessel. Jimmy has a daughter and grandson that we need you to protect. It has become too dangerous for her on our plane and we need to keep her safe until we can kill Raphael. In return you can make a list of all the supplies you need and will bring them to you."

"Why can't you guys take care of her? How is it safer her for here? In case you have noticed were in the middle of a war here!"

"We can't keep her safe because all of heaven is looking for her. They want to kill her to get back at Castiel." A small white lie to keep Dean from doing anything stupid with her and John while they are here. "Her husband has not yet agreed to it but he will when he realizes they won't stop coming for her. She does not exist on this plane anymore so there is no risk of them meeting. No one would ever think to come here to find her because has you said you're in the middle of a war."

Dean thinks it over and rubs his face. "Fine, I'll do it for Cas. I owe him that much after what he gave up for me here. I will make the list of supplies I need. Come back tomorrow." I look at Castiel and he nods.

"We will meet you tomorrow for the list and set up a date and time for you to pick her up. Once she gets here you cannot let her out of your sight. She and her baby need to be protected at all costs. And we know that you are the only one who can do it."

"Baby? I never agreed to any baby!" Dean yells at us has we disappear back to our time. Dean and Lara don't realize it yet but this will be the only option to keep her alive.


	74. Chapter 74

Sam's POV

It has been a month since Raphael attacked us. He has tried attacking us three times since then. The angels have protected Lara's and Dean's house has much as they could but it's not enough. They can't keep them out.

I can hear Gabriella throwing up again. She has been sick for a few days now. I am starting to get worried that the angels might have done something to her to make Lara give herself up. I jump out of bed and check in on her. "Sweet heart are you alright?" I ask her has I come up behind her with a wet wash cloth. I sit down behind her and wipe her forehead off and try to make her comfortable.

"I am fine Sam." She says leaning back against me. She takes in a deep breath and for a moment I think she may have fallen back asleep. I pick her up and carry her back to bed making sure to tuck her in.

BOOM! I look out the window that faces the back yard and Dean's house and I see fire. Shit! I throw on my pants. "Sam what is going on?" Gabriella asks me frantically. "I don't know. Just stay here I will come back." I run out of the house grabbing my angel blade as I go through the living room, the angels insisted that we all have one now.

Halfway across the yard an angel attacks me and I stab him quickly in the heart with my blade. This cannot be good. The backdoor is shattered and there is glass all over the kitchen. I can hear fighting up stairs. I tear through the living room and take the stairs two at a time. I turn right into Ben's room and I see Balthazar standing in front of Ben protecting him from two angels. I take one of them by surprise and stab them and in the confusion Balthazar gets the other one. Ben runs over to me and latches on. I give him a tight up and I look over at Balthazar. "Keep him safe." I say quickly and I turn out of the room.

John's nursery is thankfully empty. No one is there and there is not sign of struggle but if what I hear behind Dean's door is any indication shit is about to get bad. I open the door and Lara is holding John with one arm and fighting off an angel with her blade in another. Dean is fighting an angel and is about to kill him. Gabriel is fighting Raphael and Cas is taking on three angels all by himself.

I quickly run over to help Lara and stab the angel attacking her. Before she can relax for a moment one of the angel's attacking Cas starts fighting with us. I know that Lara has been training this last month but she is better than I thought. With one swift move she takes him out too. Dean kills his opponent and within a moment of pulling the blade out of his chest he is next to Lara holding her and John behind him. He looks almost feral standing in front of her waiting for the next attack.

Cas takes out two more angels and Raphael disappears, he must know he isn't going to win this one. Once the commotion calms down all I can hear is John sobbing hysterically. Lara is rocking him trying to calm him and Dean has his arms around his family.

"Dean you guys have to go into hiding. I know you don't want to but this is the fourth time in a month. You guys are not safe here and I don't think that Ben is safe either. One of them was in his room, the only reason he is alive is because of Balthazar." I tell my brother. At that moment Ben comes barreling through the door and launches himself onto Lara. She grabs him to her tightly with her free arm and Dean makes room for him in this little circle.

Dean looks down at Lara, John, and Ben. He looks deep in thought. "OK, we will go into hiding. I will see if Jody and Bobby can watch Ben and we will all hit the road and try to stay one step ahead of them."

Gabriel looks pissed. "No Dean! It is time for me to get Lara and John out of here! It is not safe for them on this plane anymore. With them in hiding and safe we can focus our attention to taking Raphael out permanently."

Lara shakes her head no. "I can't leave him Uncle Gabe so please don't ask me too! I may be safer but I will not be able to keep myself together. Please just try and find another way." She says through her tears. I know that Gabriel will try and find another option to at least give her time to realize that the only plan that works is Gabriel's.

"Dad, mom, please don't leave me here. Take me with you." Ben screams out while he holds onto them. He just said mom and dad, I wonder when that shift happened. Lara holds him tighter and kisses the top of his head. "Sweetheart it is not safe for you to be with me right now. Jody and Bobby will be able to keep you safe. If anything happened to you I would not survive it Ben. I need to know you are safe." Lara says to him.

He cries into her chest but doesn't try to change her mind again. I look at Dean and he nods to me. I need to get home and get Gabriella up, we are out of here. I run back home and Gabriella is back in the bathroom throwing up. I don't want to move her when she is this sick. "Honey they were attacked again. We are hitting the road tonight and trying to find a safe spot. Can you move?" I ask her.

She shakes her head weakly yes and tries to stand up. She tips over and I quickly catch her and carry her back to the bed. "Just rest a few more minutes. I am going to pack for us alright?" I tell her hoping she doesn't start throwing up again.

I pack us quickly and I help her change. I get her in a pair of jeans, tshirt, and a sweat shirt and just put thick socks on her feet. I put our bags over my shoulders and carry her back to Dean and Lara's house. She is sound asleep and I'm not going to wake her up if I can avoid it. I put her gently down on the couch and run upstairs.

Bobby and Jody are here helping Ben pack up. I keep walking and I look in and see Lara frantically packing John's diaper bag. She has John cuddled to her body has if someone is going to take him away at any moment, which I guess people are trying to do. I find Dean shoving clothes into bags in his bedroom for him and Lara. "Dean, were ready. What car are we taking?" I ask him.

He doesn't stop moving he just throws me two sets of keys. "My baby can't hold us all. Get all the weapons you can into the suburban. The stooges are coming with us." I take the keys and head to the garage, we always keep our main stash of weapons in the impala. I quickly move everything over to the suburban and go back inside to get Gabriella's and I bag and throw them in the back too. By time I am done Dean and Lara are running down the stairs. I take their bags and throw them in back.

Eve is clutched to Cas and I can tell she is torn on what to do. "Eve I understand if you can't come. I know you made a promise." Eve shakes her head no. "I can't leave you. I am coming, I just can't take up arms against him."

"We will take turns driving with you guys and trying to spy on Raphael. Gabriel is with you guys to start and Cas and I are going to keep an eye on them." Balthazar says. I pick up Gabriella and I carry her to the car and I put her in the back seat and rest her head on my lap.

Lara straps John into car seat and takes a seat next to him in middle row and Dean gets into the driver's seat with Gabriel next to him. Lara looks back at us. "Is she alright?" She asks me. I can tell she is worried.

I shake my head yes. "I think so, she hasn't been feeling well. She just needs to rest." Lara faces forward again and Dean takes off.

2 weeks later.

We have been traveling from hotel to hotel, state to state. We haven't stopped except to sleep. We try to take turns driving but we all need to crash sometimes. The angels think that we are pretty well hidden from Raphael right now but they aren't totally sure. Cas and Eve are trying to find somewhere safe for Lara, Dean, and John to hide out.

We are staying in a crappy hotel and got two adjoining rooms, with the stooges and Eve we need a bit more space. Eve and Cas went out to get us food and Balthazar and Gabriel are guarding the doors like bouncers at a club.

Lara is curled up in a ball around John and is fitfully sleeping next to Dean. He keeps his hand on her back and when she starts to shout out he nudges her back to reality. Dean looks like shit. He hasn't slept in days probably. I know he's afraid to.

There's a change of pressure in the room and we all tense up but we relax when we see that it's just Cas and Eve. Cas starts to hand out food and Eve goes over to Gabriella and they quickly leave the room. Gabriella hasn't been getting much better and when Dean, Gabriel, Balthazar, Cas, and I talk strategy at night Eve goes to lay with her.

Cas sets the pizza boxes down on the table and everyone digs in. Lara even wakes up to eat. She hasn't been eating or sleeping enough and I'm worried she is going to crumble. I grab a few slices and put them on a plate and head back into my room.

The bathroom door is shut but I can see a light on in there so I assume that Eve is in there with Gabriella. I put her plate down on the table and I wait for her to come out. After about a minute I hear Gabriella start to sob. I jump up and run to the door and knock. "Gabriella honey are you alright?" I ask her.

Eve responds. "We are fine Sam. We'll be out in a minute." I stay next to the door. I don't like that Gabriella didn't respond. True to her word Eve comes out a minute later. She quickly moves out of the door frame and leaves the room. I can hear her shut the door behind her. I see Gabriella sitting on the toilet seat crying.

I run past her and get down on my knees in front of her. I lift her chin up with my finger and she lunges on to me crying. "Sam." She cries into my neck. I just rub her back and try to calm her down. I know everything has been so crazy lately. She hasn't been feeling well and we have been running around hiding. It's been stressful.

She slowly starts to calm down and I pick her up and carry her back to the bed and I lay her down. I grab the pizza off the table and I sit down behind her pulling her into me and I hand her the plate. Her right hand is clutched onto something so she eats awkwardly with her left. "What's wrong sweet heart?" I ask her quietly. "It's alright honey just tell me when you are ready."

Once she finishes eating she puts the plate down and turns around in my arms and buries her head in my chest. I kiss the top of her head and wait for her to tell me what's wrong. She slowly sits up and sits down on her knees in front of me. "Sam." She says quietly, her voice trembling. "What's wrong Gabriella?" I ask her again.

She looks down at her hand and I can see the wheels turning in her head. She moves her hand to me and I open my hand and she drops something in it. I look down at it for a moment. I'm not sure what it is. It's just a white plastic stick. I bring it closer to examine in. How has a plastic stick gotten her so upset? I turn it around a few times and I see something flash and I hold it still. There's a pink plus sign. What is this? I look up at her confused and I can tell she is about to cry again.

Wait a minute. A pink plus sign? I look back down at the stick and then back up at Gabriella. HOLY SHIT! I drop the stick on the bed and I grab her and pull her to me. She starts to cry again and I just rub her back. HOLY SHIT! I am going to be a dad! It's a pink plus sign. She's pregnant.

She moves her face and looks up at me. I lean down and I kiss her lips softly. "You're pregnant?" I ask her calmly. She shakes her head yes with tears dripping down her face. I lean over and kiss her tears away. "We're going to have a baby!" I say excitingly to her.

Confusion washes over her face. "Are you alright with this?" She asks me scared. I push her down on the bed and I cover her with my body and I kiss her lips and move down her neck. I make a trail of kisses down her until I get to her stomach. I lift up her shirt and I kiss her stomach. My baby is in there. I look back up at her and I can see the apprehension on her face. "I am more than alright with this darling. This is a good thing. No a great thing. We are going to have a baby."

She finally smiles. "I didn't think you would be happy. I know you were hesitant to even have children and here we are in hiding and I'm pregnant." I move back up her body and silence her with my mouth. "There is nothing that can take this moment away from us Gabriella. We are going to have a baby that is amazing."

She lets out a giggle and I lean back down to claim her lips. Nothing is going to ruin this moment for us, not hell and not heaven.


	75. Chapter 75

Dean's POV

"Lara are you doing alright sweetie? I have some of those pills if you want them." I ask her. She is lying on her good side with her face buried in my side while I rock John to sleep. He likes it when I sing to him, he usually falls asleep within 3 songs. We take turns getting him to sleep and it's my turn tonight, not that she could probably rock him even if it wasn't my turn.

"I'm fine honey, just a bit sore." I know she is lying and when she moves I hear the wince of pain. I give her a look and her face softens. "Alright, I'll take half of one." She's so sore that she hasn't even taken off the back lacing hospital gown they put her in two days ago.

I look over at Cas and he is already on it. He twists the pill bottle open and breaks one of the pain pills in half and gives it to Lara. She takes it dry and lies back down next to me. We have been on the run for 6 long months. We are once again in a nameless hotel. Two nights ago Raphael found us again and he managed to stab her right shoulder. Luckily Lara managed to get John into his crib but he caught her has she was putting him down. He slammed the blade into her right shoulder and used his foot to kick her back slamming her forward into the crib to pull the blade back out. The moment I heard the slice of skin and the slurp of the blade coming out of her back I thought she was dead. The angels couldn't heal her because the wound was inflicted by an angel blade so I had to take her to the hospital and she had to be taken care of the old fashioned way.

My phone starts to ring and I pick it up before it can bother John. "Hey Sammy what's going on." I ask knowing it's him.

"How is she?" He cuts straight to the point.

"She's doing fine. She just took some more pills and is asleep. How is Gabby doing?"

"She's asleep right now too. The baby kicked my hand today Dean. I could feel it." Sam and Gabby got married about 3 months ago. Cas managed to get Lara and I there at the last moment so we could be there. Ben held onto Lara and I the entire time and cried when we had to leave. We kept him with us for a few weeks once school got out. Lara and I decided we could try and hide out in Vegas for awhile since it's sin city we didn't think that the angels would find out that fast. We made it one week, which is longer than we have gone in a long time. Lara, John, and Ben were at Circus Circus playing the games and going to the amusement park and I was trying to win us some money when I was brought to them. John had gotten scared and brought me to them. The angels found us. Eve got Ben out of there and safely back to Bobby and Jody and Gabriel got us out of there. We still talk to Ben every night and sometimes Gabriel brings Ben to us or we go to him. Raphael is making it hard on everyone.

John starts to whimper. "I gotta go Sammy, John is asleep and I'm bothering him. Talk to you tomorrow." And I hang up the phone. To keep him asleep I stand up and rock him and sing him another song. I don't think I have a great voice, in fact I might classify has tone death, but he sure likes my voice. My boy also has great taste in music. Lara may sing him lullabies but I sing him classic rock and he seems to like it.

Has I finish the song and put John down in the crib that the hotel gave us Lara wakes up for a moment. She catches my eye and smiles at me. I look at Cas and Balthazar and nod at them, they take the hint and disappear themselves. I know they won't be far but I want time with my wife.

I crawl into bed next to her and kiss her softly. "You are supposed to be resting Lara." I say to her. She moves onto her back and pulls me to her with her good arm. "I don't feel like resting right now Dean." She says playfully.

I am careful with her, she was just stabbed two days ago. I rip off the thin hospital gown and lean down and kiss her. We don't get a lot of time just the two of us anymore and on the rare occasion that we get to be together we are desperate. Our love making that used to be slow and loving is now fast and frantic. We can't seem to get enough of each other though. I just keep seeing an image of her being killed in my mind and it makes every thrust into her all the more desperate to erase that idea.

When we are done I carefully roll off her and I don't pull her into me afraid to hurt her shoulder. Lara carefully rolls onto her left side and cuddles into me. I wiggle my arm under her neck and kiss her forehead. "I love you Lara."

She snuggles into me deeper. "I love you Dean." She whispers back to me has she falls asleep. I lay there for awhile just enjoying having her near me. I listen to her and John breath peacefully. I should bring the angels back though. I know they are just outside but I can't seem to relax knowing that they aren't in the room watching over us. Lara and I tend to sleep in shifts now. We are both to afraid to sleep at the same time. We know that the angels will keep us safe but we just feel better knowing the other one is awake and able to watch our son. I sneak my arm out from her and get out of bed quietly. I pull on my jeans that I kicked off at the end of the bed. I make sure the covers are tucked around Lara because I don't want to wake her up to redress her.

They are just where I thought they would be, standing out front like two body guards. I open the door and Cas and Balthazar come back into the room. Neither of them razes me even though just 6 months ago Balthazar would have relentlessly picked on me for making love to my wife in a motel room while they both listened outside. They come back in quietly and they both visually check over Lara and John.

Balthazar takes a seat next to John and Cas resumes his stance in front of the door. "Gabriel will be here in about an hour and I'm going to go out next." Cas tells me quietly so he doesn't wake up Lara or John. I shake my head in acknowledgement and slip back into bed. Lara subconsciously molds herself around me but she cradles her bad arm into her body. She winces in pain and falls back into a deep painkiller induced sleep. I am going to kill Raphael if it is the last thing I do.

I must have dozed off because when I wake up Gabriel is sitting at the edge of our bed and Balthazar is still sitting next to John's crib. I jump a little surprised to see Gabriel and my movements wake up Lara. She moans and digs her face into my side. "Is it morning?" She asks me.

The clock says 6:14 am. "Yes it's morning. We should get moving. We've been here to long has it is." Lara moves her body with jerky motions and gets out of the bed pulling the sheet around her body so the angels don't see her naked, even though I doubt they would even care.

The water turns on but before she goes in she sticks her head out the door. "Dean I need your help." I almost forgot about her stitches. I look over at Balthazar and he nods letting me know he will take care of John.

I walk into the bathroom and close the door behind me. Lara is sitting on the toilet waiting for me. She smiles at me when I enter. She turns her back to me to stand up and I let out a gasp. Her back is bruised badly from where Raphael had kicked her. The bruising is dark purple, almost black in some spots. The spot where the angel blade impaled her is red and angry. The stitches are keeping the skin together but they just highlight how close I almost came to losing her. I walk up to her and kiss her back gently. She drops the sheet and I kiss her stitches and try to kiss all her bruises. I lightly trace over the bruising with my fingers. She shudders beneath me and leans back into me but winces at the pressure on her shoulder. I should have given her more pills. "Do you need more painkillers?" I ask her.

She shakes her head yes. "I'll get them after my shower and I'll sleep in the car." She responds. She can't move her right arm or shoulder. I kick off my pants and help her into the shower and she walks into the water stream letting in roll down her. Even though she is bruised and battered I am still taken away by her beauty. I don't think I will ever get tired of looking at her naked body.

Lara moves closer to me and rests her head on my chest. I grab the shampoo bottle and pour some in my hands and massage it into her head while she continues to rest it. She is exhausted and for a moment I think she may have actually fallen asleep on my chest. I kiss the top of her soapy hair. "Come on darling time to rinse." I say quietly. She jerks awake and I move back with her to rinse the shampoo out. We retreat back again and I put the conditioner in and work it into her hair.

"I am going to shower real quick too." I quickly put shampoo in my hair and rinse it out followed by the conditioner. She starts to sway in the shower and I grab on to her left side. "Stay with me a few more minutes baby then I swear you can go back to sleep." She mumbles something and I get her under the spray and wash the conditioner out. I quickly wash her body with soap and wash cloth and turn off the water.

She stumbles out of the shower and I dry her off being as gentle has I can. I sit her down and I quickly dry off and throw my jeans back on. I wrap the towel around her and guide her back to the bedroom. Gabriel must have gone through her bags because he has laid out clothes for her. I help her step into her panties and her jeans and I button them setting her down on the bed. This is where it is going to get tricky. I can't put her in a bra with her back the way it is and I am nervous to move her arms to get her in her shirt. Gabriel must have read my mind because he hands me a cup of water and another pill. I manage to get Lara to take it and she falls back asleep. I grab one of my button up flannels and I put her left arm through it first and I gently maneuver her right arm without lifting it into the shirt. Once I get it on her shoulder and button it up and lower her down on her side.

I quickly change and get John out of his crib. He giggles with happiness and kicks his little legs. His hands reach for me and I lean down and kiss his forehead letting him capture the lapel of my shirt in his little hands. "Come on little guy I got to change your diaper and get you ready to go." He giggles again and I lay him out on the bed next to Lara.

John squirms to get to his mom but I manage to change his diaper and get him redressed quickly. I help Lara sit up in the bed and I unbutton a few of the buttons on my shirt and put John in her good arm. "You need to feed him Lara." I say quietly. She shakes her head and pulls John to her nipple. She dozes off with him eating and when he's done I pull him way and button her shirt back up.

We all get ready to go and Balthazar picks up all of our bags and I look down at Lara. I hand John over to Gabriel and carefully pick her up. Balthazar has the Suburban unlocked and the passenger side door open. I get in with her and lay her down gently in the back seat. Gabriel locks John in his car seat and sits down in the open seat. I take driver's side and Balthazar takes the passenger seat. We head out again for a safe spot, knowing there really isn't any where safe right now.

We are back in the car like every day. Gabriel is sitting in the middle with John and Balthazar is in the back watching out the window making sure no one is following us. Lara is sitting up front with me. She looks so nervous. She keeps looking through the mirrors like someone is going to attack us at any moment. I grab her hand and squeeze it trying to reassure her. She gives me a weak smile and stares back out front. "Are you doing ok?" I ask her.

"I'm fine, I just have a bad feeling." I keep my eyes on the road. If she has a bad feeling something is coming. She just seems to know before they attack.

We're going about 70 miles an hour on the highway trying to get to our next hiding spot when a person appears in the middle of the road. I slam on the breaks but it's not enough, I hit him going 70 but that's where it all goes wrong. It's not a person it's an angel and the suv wraps around him like it would around a tree. I look over at Lara has the SUV flips over.

"Dean wake up. Dean please wake up." I hear through the fog. I slowly open my eyes and I realize I am upside down in the car. I let out a cough and slowly look around. Holy shit is Lara and John alright? I start to fight my seat belt and I release it and I fall on the roof.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look over at Lara. She is still upside down and glass is all around her. The glass must have cut her because her face and arms are bleeding. Blood is dripping down her face and pooling beneath her on the ceiling. She's clutching her hurt arm and shoulder to her body. A big piece of glass is wedged into her leg and it's bleeding like a stuck pig. If I don't get her out of here soon she is going to bleed out. "Dean, I think I'm hurt." She says quietly. I reach for her and hold her up has I release the seat belt and help her down slowly.

"There we go honey. Just nice and easy honey." I say to her has I help her down. I feel a hand on my ankle and I get ripped out of the car. I try to grab onto anything but the force pulling me out is stronger. I get pulled out on my back and I look up at the angel trying to get me out of the car. He has a lighter in his free hand and I know he is going to light the car on the fire with Lara in it. I can't allow that.

Balthazar comes up behind the angel and stabs in the back through the art. I see Gabriel holding John on Lara's side. "Get her out of there!" I yell at him then I pass out.

I come to and I'm in a bed. "Just sit still Lara, I can heal you." I hear Gabriel saying. I open my eyes and Lara is sitting next to me on the bed. She is still bleeding and I can see she is really injured. He puts his hand to her forehead and I see the cuts slowly heal. Thank god she wasn't injured with an angel blade again.

"Where is John?" I ask has I spin around the room. Balthazar hands him to me quickly knowing I won't calm down till I am holding him. John laughs and buries his face in my neck getting some of my blood on his forehead. "What happened?" I ask them.

Gabriel finishes up with Lara and then touches my forehead. I can feel myself healing the blood that spilled is still dripping down my face, chest and back but at least I'm not still bleeding. "It's alright Dean, John is fine. When the SUV started to flip I grabbed John and got us out of there. I am sorry I couldn't get you and Lara out too. Her stab wound was reopened but I've done what I can."

Lara collapses into me with tears in her eyes. I pull her into my free arm and I hold her to me while she cries in my chest and kisses the back of John's head. "Dean you need to take John and leave. I am going to get you both killed. You and John get out of here and I'll try to fight them off has long as I can."

I pull her back and look at her. "Don't even think it. I am not taking John and going anywhere. Even if I left with him Raphael would follow us and take him anyways. This world is surrounded by angels and I can't hide any better with just John." I know what we have to do but I don't want to admit it. I don't want to be separated from her.

"Dean I am going to get you killed or worse John is going to get hurt."

"Lara, this is not your fault." I look at Gabriel and he has a knowing look on his face. "Lara I think we need to send you and John to the other plane to keep you safe."

She opens her mouth to fight me and I lean down and capture her lips. "Don't fight about it you know it's the best thing." I say has I pull away. Her eyes fill up again and she leans her head on my chest and shakes her head. "I know it's what we have to do. I just don't want to leave you."

"I know you don't and I don't want to leave you but it's the only way to keep you safe. I can't protect you and find a way to kill Raphael at the same time. This way I can focus all my energy on taking that bastard out." God this hurts. I don't want her to leave me.

Lara moves over to her bag and starts to look through it. She opens mine and I see her steal a few of my shirts. I let out a smirk. "You want to leave me some clothes to wear honey?"

"No, if I can't have you at least I'll have something of you." I walk over to my bag and I pull out the colt and the demon killing blade and I hand them to her. "No I can't take these." She says shaking her head and putting them back in my hands.

"You are going to a world that is overrun with demons. I cannot let you and John go there without them." I can't believe I am going to let them go but I am not going to send them defenseless.

"No Dean. You can use it to kill Raphael. John and I will be safe." She looks panicked. I decide to make a compromise. I give her the blade and I keep the colt. She tries to fight me but I force her to keep them. "Lara I can't let you guys go there without me knowing you are safe. Keep it from him but keep it with you. If anything happens to you and John I will die. So please keep safe."

She reluctantly takes the blade and sticks in her bag. I lean down and I kiss her lips and when I pull back I kiss her forehead. "Thank you." I whisper to her. I can relax a bit knowing that she has it and can use it. All of the angels have been training with her any spare moment we have. They have also been training her to resist possession. It scares the shit out of me but she insists that she needs to be able to do it so I don't complain. She has gotten good at it though. Not even Gabriel can stay in her body longer than a few moments.

"Balthazar, Gabriel, can you take John and give Dean and I a few minutes alone please?" She asks them. Gabriel gives her a sad smile and takes John outside with Balthazar. Once they are gone she launches herself on my ignoring her shoulder. She jumps on me and wraps her legs around my waist and kisses my face and neck. "I love you so much Dean. I don't know how I am going to do this." She says through her cries has she continues to kiss me.

I slam her against the wall and I kiss her ferociously back. The desperation that has been showing its head when we are together has fully taken us. We both know this might be the last time we see each other but we don't want to admit it. I just want her and John safe and alive. I get her shirt unbuttoned and I take her breasts in my mouth has she moans under me.

Her legs unwind from around my waist just long enough to get our pants off. We both quickly step out of our pants but don't bother getting our shirts off, we don't have the time. I pull her back up and she wraps her legs around me and I bury myself in her while I push her up against the wall. It doesn't take us long, we are just so desperate to be together for what might be the last time.

Lara comes on me with a loud scream and I keep her wrapped around me has I carry her to the bed. I stay in her and just relax for a moment just her and me. I don't know what I am going to do without her. "I will love you forever Lara." I whisper into her ear.

She kisses me slowly and passionately. "I will love you forever too Dean. Please stay alive until I can get back to you."

"You better stay alive too. You do whatever and I mean whatever you have to do to stay alive. I don't care if you have to cheat, steal, lie, and kill to keep you and John alive you just do it." There is nothing she could do that would make love her any less.

"I will Dean. You too, you do what you have to kill that asshole. I don't want to be separated to long. When this is done I just want to move home and be with you. I want to get back to our life. I want Ben living down the hall from us and the biggest problem that we have is if we have enough oil at the shop for all the oil changes you are going to be doing. " God I want all of that too. Bobby and Sam have been working their asses off trying to keep the shop up and running so that when we all get back we still have the income coming in.

"I know sweet heart. When this is done we are going to go back to our life. I love you so much." I don't know what else to say. We both get dressed and Lara throws her duffel and John's diaper bag and small duffel over her good shoulder.

Lara walks to the door and looks over her shoulder at me has she opens the door. "I will think of you every moment that I am gone. I love you Dean." She says then she walks out and shuts the door.

I jump up off the bed and I slam my fist into the wall. It feels great to get some of that anger out. My fist hurts but it feels so good to have just hit something. Now I got to kill the asshole who is tearing apart my family.

a/n I will be a bit spotty for the next few weeks because my house is all torn up for construction. Sorry!


	76. Chapter 76

Lara POV

I can't do this. I can't leave him. I shut the door and for a moment I debate opening the door to the hotel room, grabbing John, and barricading us in there with Dean. But I'm not that stupid. I know if I do that eventually Raphael will get in and he will kill me, take John, and find a way torture Dean into saying yes the Michael once he releases him from his cage. Nothing about this alternate world sounds better then here except one thing, no angels. They may not have food, electricity, plumbing, everyone is either dead or a demon but they don't have angels. They just up and left that world. John and I will not alert anyone or anything over there.

"I'm sorry darling but this is the only way to keep you safe." Gabriel says to me has he takes my bags and hands me John. I can't believe I am doing this. I am walking away from Dean with his son. What if something happens? What if I die over there? Or what if he dies over here? I don't think I would survive him dying. It would kill me.

"We should get going." Cas says to me. I don't know when he showed up but apparently he is the main reason that the other Dean is even willing to take me in. He feels like he owes him or something.

I pull a letter out of my back pocket that I wrote months ago in case this happened and I give it to Cas. "If something happens to me make sure Dean gets this." Cas shakes his head and I rest John on my shoulder. Cas and Gabriel put their hands on my shoulders and I'm transported.

Desolate. That is the only way to describe this new world. Everything looks like those photos of Japan after the nuclear bomb was dropped that Sam showed me. Buildings are shells, cars are empty with broken windows, there's even a few skeletons littering the street. Gabriel guides us to a uhaul truck near a bombed out building. I nudge at the truck, it looks to new to be here.

"It's what we're giving Dean to watch you. He needs supplies here." Well that makes me feel safe. They need to pay him off to take care of me.

"What do we tell him about John and me?" I ask them. Cas and Gabriel share a look much like the looks that Dean and Sam give each other.

"We have told him very little so far. He believes that you are Jimmy's daughter and that Raphael is after you to get back at Castiel. I do not know what would happen if he knows the truth about you, but he must never find out about John. I fear that he would use John to his advantage here and that can't happen under any circumstance. I say we keep with the vague story we have already told him and you can embellish if need be. I hope that you are not here long but you can decide what and when to tell him anything if you feel the need." Gabriel seems nervous about this Dean finding out about John and me. That makes me nervous. What if he finds out and does something to my son? I will kill him. Wow where did that thought come from? I don't know where it came from but I know it's true. I will kill to keep my son safe, even if I have to kill his pseudo alternate father.

A truck is rumbling in the distance and Cas stands in front of John and I protectively. I instinctually grab the gun in the back of my jeans and have it ready to aim. John is starting to get restless. He started crawling a few weeks ago and is now able to grab onto furniture to move around. He wants down but I can't put him down yet. "Sweet heart I need you to stop squirming for mommy." I know he doesn't understand what I'm saying but he must sense my tension and he grasps the collar of Dean's shirt and buries his head in my neck.

The truck pulls up in front of us and I hold my breath while the driver's and passenger's side doors open up. Dean. It's him but it's not him at all. He's the same height, same coloring, some eyes, same build but so different. His face is hard. His jaw is set and he looks angry and unhappy. He looks past Cas and right at me. I can't remember him ever giving me such a hostile look. "This her?" He asks with a bite. He doesn't even sound like my Dean.

"Yes, this is Lara and her son John. " Gabriel responds. I look at the other door and I see Cas getting out. I look at my Cas and back at the one getting out of the truck. He looks so different has well. For starters he's wearing a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. I have never seen Cas look so casual. He has a lazy smile on his lips that is crocked and his eyes look slightly glossy.

The other Cas looks at himself and snickers. He mutters something but I can't hear what he says. He looks past Cas to me and I see recognition light up his face. "Lara? Is that you? I thought you were dead?" Dean gives him a confused look and I try to tell Cas to shut up with a look.

Gabriel pulls me out from behind Cas and puts a protective arm around me. "Has you can see she is very much alive. She was found almost 2 years ago. She didn't die like we thought but now Raphael wants her dead." Gabriel gives him a look and Cas must realize not to ask any more questions right now in front of Dean.

Dean look at me and back at his Cas. "What do you mean you thought she was dead Cas?" His voice riddled with mistrust.

"When she was two years old her birth mother and the man who raised her were killed and we thought she was dead. Apparently we were wrong." Cas looks at me and I can see him studying me. John starts to wiggle and Cas' eyes grow large like he just noticed John for the first time. I pat his back trying to calm him back down.

"So where has she been for the last 20 years or so then?" Dean shoots at my Cas. He may have asked Cas but I have yet to speak to this version of the man I love. "Zachariah betrayed me. He had demons kills my parents and kidnap me. I spent the next 22 years in a demon prison known has a body farm. It was a place for demons to come and get bodies easily for possession. They made my body do all kinds of unspeakable things. Then I was rescued a year and a half ago by a hunter. The angels found me and now Raphael wants me dead." That is all true just a glossed over truth.

The wheels in Dean's head are turning. He has the same thinking face has my Dean. His hand is rested on his chin and his eyes twitch ever so slightly. He shakes his head to some unknown question and answer session in his head. "And the baby?" He asks me.

I look down at John and hold him closer to my body. "His name is John. He is my son and he is in danger has well. Once Raphael is dead he and I will be safe and can go home." Again not a lie but not the whole truth. Other Cas' eyes grow large for a moment with realization but before Dean notices he relaxes his face back to what must be his normal self.

"So we keep them safe until you guys can kill the bad guys. Sounds like a plan. Did you bring the supplies?" He asks Gabriel.

Gabriel throws him the keys to the truck behind me. "Everything is in there. You have everything from you list. All the medicines, canned food, toiletries, clothing, hell I even through in some fresh food for a treat. Dean you have to keep her alive do you understand me. You don't leave her and her baby alone. You don't take them on some crazy suicide mission. You stay with her 24 hours a day and keep her safe. If anything happens to her so help me I will make you pay." Gabriel snarls at him.

Dean laughs at him. "All you angels are the same. Making me do shit and threatening me. I don't like to be threatened Gabriel. The only reason I am doing this is for Cas. He gave up a lot for me and I am going to keep his daughter safe. Is she still alive here?" Gabriel shakes his head no. "She died years ago here."

The other Cas walks up to me slowly and takes my bags from Gabriel. I give Gabriel and my Cas a big hug. "Don't forget my letter if anything happens to me. Tell him I love him." I whisper into Cas' ear. He gives me a kiss on the cheek and hands me over to the new Cas and Dean.

"Take care of her Dean. She is special." My Cas tells Dean before Cas and Gabriel disappear. With them gone the situation seems much more real. I am alone. I don't have Dean and I am in some new strange scary world.

I must have missed Dean talking to me because he grabs my arm and spins me around. "I said come on we need to go. It's not safe out of the camp like this." He sounds very frustrated with me. He keeps his grip on my arm and takes me to the uhaul truck that Gabriel brought here and puts me in the front seat. He throws Cas the keys to other truck. "Follow me back. We tell the camp we found her in the Wal-Mart where we got these supplies." He didn't ask he just told. His voice is strong and doesn't leave any room for back talk.

I settle in the seat and John starts to kick. He has been so good and now he just wants to move. I put him on my lap and bounce him on my knee. Dean climbs into the truck next to me and John squeals when he sees him. Dean gives him a confused look. "Sorry, he likes you." I tell him. How do I explain to him that John thinks that he's his father?

He doesn't say anything. He puts the keys in the truck and drives off. We don't talk for the entire drive back to camp. He's thinking. I don't know what he is thinking but something is taking control of his mind. We pull up to the camp and gates open up and we drive in with Cas behind us. When we pull in I hear the gates behind shut behind me and people surround our truck. "These people don't need to know who you are." I shake my head yes.

Dean jumps out of the truck and I follow suit. People surround John and me and look to Dean for answers. "We found her at a Wal-Mart and we got some more supplies. She's going to be staying with us." No one questions him. A few of the women surround me and are making happy sounds over John. Dean roughly grabs my arm and I feel Cas following us has we walk to a cabin.

We take the stairs and Dean throws the door open and Cas slams in shut. Cas puts my bags on the floor and Dean points to the bed where I take a seat. "This is my cabin and you will be staying here with me until you leave. I will get a mattress for you on the floor. You tell these people just that you have been living on your own for awhile now that your group was killed my demons. Otherwise you keep to yourself and stay with Cas or I at all times. I do not need everyone in this camp thinking that angels are going to be coming to save them. Can you fight?"

I shake my head yes. "I have been training. I am better than most with a gun and decent with a sword but not so great with small knives. I recently got stabbed in the shoulder with an angel blade though and I have not recovered full use of my arm." John starts to squirm in my arms and I put him down on the floor to crawl around. He immediately crawls to Dean and starts to pull on his pant legs. He wants his "daddy" to pick him up.

Dean doesn't quite kick him off him but he does nudge him just a bit but John is stubborn just like his daddy. He continues to pull on Dean's pants and starts to whine. He gives me an angry look and I jump up and I pick John up. "I'm sorry." He doesn't say anything and leaves. I assume he needs to go calm everyone down.

Cas looks me over for awhile. "I can't believe you are alive. I thought for sure you were dead. I haven't thought of you in a few years to be honest." I shrug my shoulders not sure what to say back to him. "John isn't just a baby." He states.

I start to tense up and hold John closer to me. "Don't worry I won't tell him. I know if I did he would come up with some ridiculous plan involving the child." I relax. I believe him. I don't know this Cas but I believe that he won't say anything. "The child is Dean's isn't it? The child is a bit different. He looks just like him instead of like you and his essence is more human."

I shake my head yes. "John is Dean's child. Raphael messed up the conceiving process and Dean is his biological father." I don't want to give him too much details but he has all of Cas' memories he knows what was supposed to happen.

"I'm not going to tell him who you are Lara but I know it will come out. You should tell him sooner rather than later." He finishes then he leaves the cabin has well. I take a few minutes to look around. It's not much. There is a double bed pushed up to the wall with a rickety night stand next to it. There is a small dresser next to the night stand. I open the drawers and find them all full. I pull mine and John's bags down next to the door. John starts to whine and I know he's hungry. I sit down on the bed and I unbutton my shirt and let John latch on.

The door swings open and I jump up while putting my hand protectively around John. It's just alternate Dean. He's carrying a twin mattress with him that he throws down on the floor next to his bed. He doesn't acknowledge that I am breast feeding and goes back out. He picks up a sleeping bag and throws it on top of the mattress. "This should suffice for the little time you will be here."

"Thank you Dean." I response quietly and he slams the door shut again. This is not the man I know. This isn't the man I love and married. And I need to remember that. I can't be tricked by his looks this isn't my Dean.

a/n sorry again for the delay. Life is just a bit crazy for the last few weeks and will continue to be for a week or two longer. I got my first negative review They didn't find my use of Sam, Dean, and Cas to be good and they didn't like Lara. So if you are still reading this story and like it tell me if there is anything you think needs to be changed has I move on. I can't change what's already happened without re writing the entire story but I just want to make sure you guys still like it!


	77. Chapter 77

Dean's POV

This is a dumb ass plan that better fucking work. I can't believe I let them go. I never wanted John to be without his dad. I may have had my dad growing up physically but he wasn't there emotionally. I just want John to never experience what I did. I want him to know that I am there physically, mentally, emotionally every way a parent is suppose to be there. Then I let Gabriel talk us into this.

There is a flutter of wings and the atmosphere changes. "Are they alright?" I shout out before they can even get settled in the room.

Cas puts his hand on my shoulder. "They are fine. John is safe and happy with his mom. Lara is safe and will survive this. We need to plan our trap for Raphael. He needs to die to keep them safe." Ok they are safe. That is all I need. Nothing else matters except their safety.

"How do we keep Raphael believing that Lara and John are with us? They have been following us everywhere and attacking constantly. Won't they figure it out?" Maybe I should have asked these dumb ass questions before they took my family.

There's a buzz in the room and I look to my left and there is Lara. I take a step back in shock. "What the fuck?" I ask them has I run to hold her, but Gabe grabs me before I can reach her. Cas smiles at me and moves his hand and Lara moves. "How is she here?"

"It is like an impression of her. It looks like her but it isn't her. Touch her." Cas demands of me. I stick my hand out and touch the impression, it goes right through. I pull my hand back quickly. "Why doesn't Eve just give us a shifter?"

Cas frowns at me. "She can't Dean. She promised God that she wouldn't get involved with the actions of Heaven. Unfortunately right now Raphael is heaven, he is ruling it." That just seems stupid. She is obviously head over heels in love with Cas and wants Lara and John just has safe has I do. I don't get why she doesn't say fuck it and just do what she knows is right. Normally I would yell at her and make her do what I want her to do, but somewhere along the way I started to like her. She makes my best friend happy. Wow when did Cas become my best friend? I can't tell if it's sad or awesome. Oh well it just is.

"Ok so they are safe in a world where angels don't exist. We need a plan and we need to find a way to kill that bastard so I can bring my family back home. Can I go see Sammy? I want to see how Gabby is doing and I think I should go see Ben too."

Gabriel looks frustrated with me. "Dean you can't do that yet. You can't change your plans like that. We need to keep going like nothing has changed. If they think something has changed they will know something is off. We need them to think you, Lara, and John are still on the run. I promise that you will be back with everyone soon." Dammit I don't get any benefit from this.

"Ok let's trap and kill an angel."

A lot easier said than done. We have been going over plans for hours. We have an entire note book of ideas. We just don't know which one will work the best. We all know one fact though. If we try and fail and he will know that Lara is gone and she won't be safe. We get one try. And that try better fucking work.

"So which one do we go with?" I ask them all. I am beyond frustrated. We have killed a case of beer and I'm getting tired. Cas, Balthazar, and Gabriel are all sitting around the table with me brainstorming ideas. I feel like Sam should be here. He always helps me come up with some stupid scheme that usually works. The angels have repeatedly reminded me that we can't bring Sam here because we can't change our normal routine.

"I don't know. They all seem risky." Balthazar says looking over our ideas again. Cas keeps looking toward the door like Raphael is going to invade at any moment and keeps his impression of Lara near the window. He has her open the blinds every so often and look out so if one of Raphael's goons are out there they see her.

"I say we keep him following us for a few weeks. Without Lara and John around to distract us we will be able to go on the offensive and study his moves. We set up a trap in hotel and once he falls for it we trap him and kill him." Gabriel says with a sigh at the end. I know none of them want to kill their brother but for Lara and John they will.

"So how long do we wander around the country? And where do we set this trap?" I ask them completely exasperated by this situation. We have been at it for hours now.

Gabriel looks at his brothers. "A few weeks Dean, I don't know for sure. We need to weed out more of his men or we won't have a chance of trapping him. Luckily there are rumblings in heaven. Angels are beginning to doubt Raphael's actions. John will be the true leader of heaven when he grows up. Balthazar has been going up there and putting seeds of doubt in their ears. Once he loses his followers it will be easier to take him out. Now Dean you look like shit go to bed." He orders me.

I have been dreading this moment since she left. She doesn't keep me from having the dreams but she keeps them from taking over me and I know I do the same for her. Nothing can keep the horrors from attacking us at night but we can wake each other up before it takes us over. I don't know how I will sleep without her and I don't know how she will sleep without me.

I hear a swoosh of wings in the room and I look up. There is an old woman standing in the room with us. She is wearing a long white nightgown and has a walker with her. It takes me a moment but I recognize her has Anachel's vessel. The stooges immediately noticed her and didn't even jump up to fight her.

Anachel look at all of us and settles on Gabriel. She opens her mouth and starts to yell at him. "Where is John? I stopped feeling him a few hours ago!" She yells at him.

Gabriel pushes back and stands to face her. "How did you get back in that vessel? I thought your current vessel was still a baby?"

I have never seen such an angry old lady. Her eyes are bright with anger. "That is not important right now! Where is my charge?" She yells at him with more fury than I thought her body capable of.

"We had to send him and his mother to another plane to keep them safe. Raphael is trying to kill Lara to take John and mould him to what he wants him to be." Gabriel says calmly.

Anachel lifts her walker and swings it at Gabriel. "AND YOU NEVER THOUGHT TO CALL HIS GUARDIAN! YOU NEVER THOUGHT MAYBE I WOULD HELP HIM! This is unforgiveable! I would never have done this to you all and your charges. You should not have kept me in the dark about this. I could have shed the child I am wearing and been here to protect him. But instead you keep me in the dark. When he left this plane it felt like someone tore a piece of my grace out. Never ever keep something like that from me ever again. What can I do to help now?" She snarls at us. I know what she means. When Lara left I felt like someone ripped a part of my soul out of me. I can almost feel the gaping hole left in my chest from her absence.

Cas frowns. "I am sorry Anachel. We should have thought to contact you I am not sure why we didn't. I promise we will never keep you out of the decision making process again. He is safe now though. There are no angels in the plane where he is living right now. We are currently coming up with a plan to kill Raphael so we can bring them back and know that John will be safe."

Anachel sits down on the bed and shakes her head. She looks up at Balthazar. "I expected more from you. Especially you who is so close to their charge." She says sadly. I am really getting sick of people talking about how close Balthazar is with my daughter, even if I haven't meet her yet.

Balthazar looks like a kid caught trying to steal a cookie. "I know Anachel and I am sorry for disappointing you. We just weren't thinking. I guess since you have taken the form of a child we forgot that you were such a good fighter."

She starts to laugh. "I am an excellent fighter you fool. Not only that I am one of the best tactile planers that our army has you fools. You should have contacted me right away."

I look at the stooges and I can feel my anger taking over me now too. "You mean to tell me that we have a kick ass angel who plans your battle strategies in our little gang and you didn't think to call her? Dammit you guys I just let my wife and son go to a different plane of existence thinking you knew best and you didn't even think to call in your best asset! Bring them back this moment!" I yell at them, my body humming in rage.

An arm comes around my waist giving me a hug and I look over at Anachel holding me. "I am sorry they had to leave Dean. I know how it hard this must be for you. I can see how connected your soul is to your soul mate, and as much as I hate to admit they had a good idea without consulting me that was a good plan. It is the best way to assure they are safe while we do what we need too."

I whip my head to look at her. "What do you mean you can see how connected my soul is to my soul mate?" I have never heard anything about this before.

Anachel smiles softly at me and kisses my cheek, her old dry lips feel strange my on my cheek. "Don't pretend like you don't know she is your soul mate. Your souls were forged together under God's care. Once you found her the parts of yours and hers souls that linked you two together coiled around each other. With her gone from you your soul is actually damaged. It was ripped apart to have her leave this plane. All soul mates go through this when they are separated, only most soul mates don't know angels that can actually see the damage done to their souls. Didn't they explain that to you?"

I look at them angrily. "No they did not." My body is vibrating in rage. "Is she feeling this too?" I ask them through my clenched teeth. None of them will even look at me.

"Yes, she is. But it is the only way to keep them safe dear. Once you are reunited you will feel better. This is only temporary. If it makes you feel better a part of you went with her and a part of her stayed with you." Anachel tells me softly. I could kill them for making her feel this kind of pain but I do feel better knowing part of her is still with me.

"Anachel you can't hope to fight Raphael in the vessel of an old woman." Gabriel says with a laugh trying to change the subject. He must know that I am thinking about ways to kill angels right now. She starts to chuckle. "Don't you worry I am working on that. I may have found a suitable substitution. When I felt my grace being ripped apart when John left I frantically left the child I was in to reunite with my vessel. I came across a young woman who could possible accept my grace for a short time to fight. I have a part of me still in my permanent vessel so my parents will think I am still there. It's enough to keep the child alive. I am going to approach my possible new vessel and see if she will accept me. I will only be able to wear her in short doses or her body will crumble like Lucifer's vessel did. I am going to go return this vessel and work on convincing her to take me. I will be back as soon as I can."

Anachel disappears and we are left in the room. I look at them all. "I don't even have the energy to keep yelling at you guys. I am going to take a quick nap and when we wake up we are going to call her and we are going to come up with a plan." None of them make eye contact with me, they are embarrassed and knew they were wrong. I walk through the door to our adjoining room and pull back the covers and get in the bed. I know I won't sleep worth shit tonight but I need to try.


	78. Chapter 78

Lara's POV

"John I know honey. I know. Please stop crying." I beg my baby has I bounce him on my hip walking him around the small cabin that is now my home. He's been hysterical for almost an hour. I've been here two weeks and John is more miserable than I am.

There is a knock on the door. "Come in." I shout to the door. The door opens and alternate Cas walks in. He looks so different. He's scruffy and he's usually drunk or stoned or both. I don't know what to think about him. He walks to me and extends his arms to take John. "Give him to me Lara you look like shit."

I reluctantly let him take John from me and I roll my injured shoulder. It had been in a lot of pain and now it seems like it's going numb, which is good because it hurt so bad. I collapse on Dean's bed because Cas is blocking mine. "Thanks." I mutter to him has I lay back and close my eyes just for a moment.

"Lara you should get up now." I hear from outside my dream. I quickly jump up and look around. "How long was I asleep?" I ask him.

Cas smiles at me and hands me a sleeping John. "Only about two hours but it's lunch time we should get going." I stand up and follow Cas to the mess hall. It's the only time in the day that I actually get to interact with anyone. Dean doesn't want people getting attached to John and me because he knows we'll be leaving. I am fine with that but I feel so lonely sitting in his cabin all day. He has me sewing stuff for Chuck who is in charge of supplies.

We walk into the mess hall and all the women flock to me to coo over John. I haven't seen any babies since I arrived here and I don't think women are having them. I guess I can't blame them. Why bring a child into this world? Many of the women feel bad for me, some are angry at me for bringing a child into this mess, while the rest are envious. I don't like letting the women touch my son but Cas told me it makes them feel better to see something good so I allow them to pass him around.

There's a loud thud had the front door slams shut and Dean comes marching in surrounded by his normal entourage. He is so cold and ferocious. I know my Dean can get angry and can be stubborn but he has nothing on this prick. John see's alternate Dean and starts to wiggle in my arms. Dean brushes past us not even acknowledging John or me. John starts to cry. He doesn't understand why his "daddy" no longer loves him. It breaks my heart to have my son go through this.

I don't know what he told the people in the camp about why I stay with him but no one has questioned it. I assume it has something to do with the fact I have a child but I really don't know. He doesn't answer any of my questions and is barely around. I spend all day alone in the cabin sewing and playing with John. I go to bed late because John refuses to go to sleep without his daddy singing to him. He cries himself to sleep every night. Sometime in the middle of the night Dean stumbles back to the cabin, drunk, and crawls into his bed. I've reverted back to my old self. I only sleep a few hours a night because the nightmares get to be too much for me. My Dean isn't here to wake me up and remind me I am safe. When I wake up I stare at my charm bracelet for what seems like hours. It helps calm me back down.

I eat quickly and Cas escorts me back to the cabin. "You could tell him about everything and I bet he would be kinder." Cas tells me.

I bite my lips and look down at John who is fussing in my arms. I think he is hungry. I pick up a blanket and unbutton my Dean's shirt and cover myself while I start to feed John. He latches on and calms down quickly. "I don't know Cas. It's risky. I don't want him getting any ideas about John and he might react negatively. I'm not his wife I'm Dean's wife. That sounds strange I know it but still."

Cas reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bottle. He pops off the top and takes a few pills dry. "Why do you do that?" He doesn't have to ask me what I'm talking about, he knows.

He sighs and plops down on my mattress. "It hurts being human. I don't know how you all do it every day all day like you do. The emotions are too much for me. So I found something that helps. It's not like Dean has been a big help. He was my only friend when my humanization process started and his best solution was to throw women and booze at me like he does. Luckily it does help." He says with a smirk. "But sometimes I miss my old friend. The one you are married to. He was much better company than this grumpy bastard."

I chuckle and look down at John who has fallen asleep. I pull him back slowly and button my shirt. Cas somehow got me a crib and I softly lay John down for his afternoon nap. "I miss him so much Cas."

Cas stands up walks over to me and gives me a hug. "Have I ever told you about your birth father?" He asks me trying to distract me from my pain. I shake my head no. "Jimmy was a good man, a devout man. He was a little older than Dean. The first time I meet him in person he was 13 years old. He was shocked to meet an angel but he instantly trusted me. I guess that was his big mistake, trusting me because I was an angel and was suppose to be one of the good guys. Well Gabriel told me that he needed me to get Jimmy to agree to get Betsy pregnant."

I take a seat on the bed and Cas sits down next to me. "Jimmy was not about to have an affair with an older married woman so he agreed to donate his sperm. Poor kid was so scared and awkward about the whole thing but he never once questioned me about it. He would think about you from time to time. Not you per say but about his child he had running around out in the world. I never had the heart to go back to him and tell him what happened to you. When I took him has my vessel he searched through my memories to find you. He loved seeing my memoires of you, even though they hurt him. He found out that you died but he still liked to see the happy ones of you. He was a good man and I really don't deserve his body." He finishes.

There's not much to say to that. "You can't control everything that happen Cas. I think you realize that by now."

"This isn't a real plane of existence is it?" Cas asks me.

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know Cas. Dean said Zachariah brought him here in 2009. He took him to 2014."

Cas sighs. "It's not real. Zachariah fabricated us but never allowed this plane to end. So we are stuck in this shit hole." I stare at him questioningly. "Maybe fabricate isn't the right word. He formed this path. Before you were taken there was only one path. The moment it changed it opened the world up to possibilities and Zachariah exploited it to make Dean do what he wanted. Your world is the truth path but somewhere out there on another path your other life is living out too. The one you were meant to have. It's messed up." He grumbles at the end.

I put my arm around his shoulder and give him a hug. "I wish I could fix it for you." I say softly. I know there is nothing I can do but it seems like the right thing to say. Cas sighs and gets up to leave.

"I'll visit tomorrow." He says and he leaves. Cas is the only adult human contact I really have in a day. I spend the rest of the day sewing the clothes that Chuck dropped off on the porch. It feels good to be helping this cause but I miss people. At home I have Dean, Sam, Gabby, Uncle Bobby, Jody, Cas, Uncle Gabriel, and Balthazar constantly around. I never realized how addicted to human contact I had become. Before I got out of the body farm I could go days without saying a word to another human. Now it hurts me.

The dinner bell rings and I pick John up and head back to the mess hall. I eat alone. Cas isn't here. I assume he is at his cabin getting high and having sex with whatever lady wandered into his cabin. When I'm through with my meal I head back to the cabin and play with John for a while. I thankfully had a few toys for him in his bag when I got here. He is crawling around playing with his blocks.

It's almost bedtime for him and it's the worst time of the day. I change John into his pajamas and put him over my shoulder rubbing his back. He is exhausted but I know he's waiting for his daddy. I wish I knew all the songs that Dean does. Maybe it would help me get John to sleep. I would give anything for a cd to drop out of the sky and tell me one verse of a Metallica song so I could make my son happy.

John starts to wail. He is exhausted but he's stubborn and wants his daddy to come home. "Please sweet heart go to sleep. I know you miss your daddy but it's bed time." I continue to bounce him and move around the cabin.

I don't know how long John has been wailing but I know it's possibly been hours. The door to the cabin flings open and alternate Dean comes barreling through. "Why doesn't that baby ever shut up!" He yells at us.

I stop and pull John tightly into me. John starts to kick and scream in my arms trying to get to his daddy's look alike. "I'm sorry Dean. He just misses his daddy. He got used to his dad singing him to sleep at night and he misses that." I say to him with a long sigh, I'm exhausted.

"Well maybe if your husband was a little more concerned about your guys safety and little less about singing every night you would still be with him!" He yells at me.

"What did you just say?" I snarl at him.

"You heard me! Your husband is unable to take care of you because he is weak and now I have to do! I don't have time to deal with this!" He yells at me.

I walk over to him and slap him across the face. "Don't you ever talk about my husband like that! Do you hear me? You don't know him at all! He has done everything he could to keep us safe but heavens forces were too strong. Do you think he wanted to ship us over to an asshole like you?" I yell right back at him.

For a moment I feel like Dean is going to hit me, but he doesn't. "I don't have the patience to deal with a temper tantrum princess. Unlike whatever perfect world you come from I have actual problems to deal with here."

I start to laugh and he looks confused. I don't think that was the response he was expecting from me. "Actual problems Dean? Wow you have no clue about anything to do you? Do you know what I went through growing up?" I bark at him.

Dean shakes his head no. "Well I was kidnapped at 2 years old and shipped off to a demon prison. I was possessed 550 times Dean. When did you lose your virginity?" I ask him.

"14."

"With who?"

"Some girl at the school I was at." He replies

"I was 4 and it was so some guy who sold his soul to fuck a child and not get caught. How old were you the first time you did drugs." I ask him.

"I've never really done them. I tried weed a few times in my late teens but I usually just drink." He says sadly.

"I was 6 the first time a demon did drugs wearing my body. That demon liked how heroin felt. I didn't."

Dean stops and looks at me. "How old were you the first time you walked outside Dean?" He freezes knowing he doesn't have an answer. "I was 24 years old the first time I remember walking outside without a demon in me. My so called weak husband and his brother broke me out of the prison and I walked outside a free woman for the first time in my life. I had never been in the world without a demon controlling me. So don't act like I come from some pampered existence because I come from the bowels of hell just like you!" I yell at him.

"Oh and for the record. My husband started singing to my son every night after I got stabbed in the shoulder by Raphael. The angels weren't able to heal me because it was an angel blade. I couldn't hold my son without help and I couldn't rock him to sleep. He doesn't know any lullabies so he sings him classic rocks songs. He's not weak. He's a fighter. We were on the run for 6 months. We were attacked weekly and it got to the point where I wasn't going to make it much longer. Sending me here was the hardest decision that he ever made. I could see it in his eyes that I didn't want to do it but he knew he had too." I tell him.

Alternate Dean refuses to even look me in the eyes. He knows he was wrong. "You remind John of his father which is sad because you aren't half the man he is. I am going to Cas' cabin." I say walking past him. He reaches out to grab my arm and I shake it off roughly. "I don't think you want to go over there I saw a couple women going there a while back."

"I would rather be there then here with you." I retort. The room starts to spin a bit and I get a bit woozy on my feet. I hand John out to him and he thankfully takes him. Then I hit the ground and it's black.

a/n hope you liked it. Reviews are appericated!


	79. Chapter 79

Lara's POV

"Dean?" I ask has I slowly open eyes. I look around and I don't recognize anything around me. "Dean?" I ask again. My throat is so dry and sore but it is far overshadowed by how much pain my shoulder is in. God it hurts. It feels like someone has been digging around in my shoulder with the finesse of a bull.

I slowly try to sit up but I quickly fall back down. "Dean?" I ask one more time hoping that he answers me. It's not like him to be this far away from me when I'm sleeping. He always stays close to me so that if I have a nightmare he can wake me up and bring me back to reality. I move my wrist up to my face. So at least I know I am not dreaming. I never have my bracelet on in my dreams. Ok so I am awake and I don't know where I am. I just wish there was a light on. I can't see a thing.

From the far side of the room I hear movement. I scan that side of the room and I see a figure starting to walk towards me. I throw my good arm out and try to feel for a weapon but I can't find one. Shit. This isn't good. "Whoever you are if you try and kill me my husband will find you and you will wish that you had never been born." I say with has much conviction has I can muster.

"Whoa there tiger. It's just me, Dean." The figure says. I slowly relax. He was here, just a few feet away. I reach out to the figure and grab him to me. I still can't see anything but I could hear his voice. I pull on his shirt until he leans down and I kiss him softly. I can taste the whiskey on his tongue.

"What have I told you about drinking alone Dean?" I say with a laugh. "Can you turn the lights on? And why does my shoulder hurt so bad? Oh and where is John? I want to hold him."

The figure stomps over and flicks the light switch. A single bulb floods the room. With that one flick of a switch it all comes flooding back to me. Alternate Dean is standing next to the switch holding John on his shoulder wearing a cocky grin. I manage to get out of the bed and walk over to him on wobbly legs. "What the hell? Were you trying to trick me? I'm married you asshole." I yell at him. That knocks the grin right off his face.

"You kissed me lady don't get all bitchy with me. You passed out a week ago." He spits back at me. A week ago? What the hell. He must be able to tell I am confused. "We were having a fight and you passed out. Your shoulder was really infected where you had gotten stabbed. Why didn't you tell me it had gotten that bad? You could have died! Hell if you hadn't passed out when you did and I didn't remember that you had a shoulder injury you would have died." He yells at me.

I try to get my bearings. "Well I didn't know it was that bad. It was hurting then it got a bit numb. I guess it was worse than I thought. Please give me my son." I say extending my arm for my baby. Dean quickly transfers John to me and lets out a sigh of relief.

"Why were you constantly calling out for me in your sleep? You have been unconscious for a week and you kept screaming out for me. Then you wake up and you're all over me." He asks me with a hint of accusation in his tone.

Well shit, that's not good. "Sorry, it wasn't you. My husband's name is coincidently Dean as well. You said you were right there and I guess in my haze I figured you were him. I don't remember anything from the last week at all." I hope he just let it drop.

Alternate Dean gives me a stern look. "What is up with your son?" I give him a questioning glance and look down at my baby. He looks fine. "Well first of all he wouldn't let me even take him out of this cabin. Anytime I took him out of viewing range of you he started to scream and wail. Second of all he won't let me put him down. For a week he has refused to let go of me. Even if I put him down when he's asleep he latches on to me. If I manage to get his hands off my shirt he starts to scream and wail again. Then third of all I tried to get him to stay with some ladies while you were getting better and he actually fucking zapped them. He did something to them. What is going on?" His tone of voice leaves no room for debate.

"Dean, I can't tell you." I say staunchly.

He starts to laugh at me, and it's not a friendly laugh. "Lara, you are going to tell me what the fuck is going on here. I have a lot of shit going on here and I need to know why your baby shocked and almost killed some lady."

I clutch John closer to my chest. If he tries to come at me and take my child I will go down fighting. He will have to kill me to get my baby. "Dean, there are things that you just don't need to know to do your job. Gabriel and Castiel just want you to watch over us. There are things that would hurt you to know. Please just let it go."

Dean starts to stalk over to me. My body tenses and I move backwards until I hit the wall. "You are going to tell me everything I want to know or I am going too…"

"What are you going to torture me Dean?" I ask him.

"Torture… Lara… Jesus. I am going to lock you in this cabin until you tell me what the hell is going on!" He yells at me. I stare right back at him refusing to back down. "I have been stuck in this cabin for a week with you and your baby. I think you owe me answers Lara. And so help me you are going to give them to me."

I shake my head no. "Dean, I'm sorry. I can't tell you." I say quietly. I sit back down on the bed and pull John into me. Please leave I think to myself over and over again.

"You are going to fucking tell me what is going on or I will never let you out of this cabin. Do you fucking understand me?" He yells at me has he stomps out of the cabin and slams the door. I hear a padlock clicking on the outside of the door.

The noise startles John and he starts to cry out in his sleep. I bounce him up and down trying to calm him down. "Johnny sweetie it's alright just go back to sleep. Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep my sweet darling." I sing to him softly. He calms back down and goes to sleep.

*one week later*

Well the asshole has been true to his word. I haven't let this cabin. He brings my food to me here. The only other person allowed within yelling distance of this cabin in Cas. Every night he comes in and asks me if I'll tell him what's going on but every night I tell him to get the hell out.

John has been anything but happy. Every time alternate Dean comes in he starts to cry for him. John must have broken down asshole Dean's wall a bit because he does usually hold him for a moment. At first I didn't want to let him touch him.

_I hear the pad lock open and Dean comes into the cabin flinging the door open. He gives me a steely stare and I wait for him to speak. John starts to wiggle in my arms. He looks up at asshole Dean with his arms raised. "Dadadadada!" He cries out._

_ I look down at John in shock. "John!" I say happily. I look up at asshole Dean. "He just said his first words!" My happiness is quickly washed away with the reminder that I am in some alternate world and my Dean missed our baby's first words._

_ "Well you going to tell me what's going on?" He asks impatiently. I shake my head no. John continues to cry, "Dadadadada!" Asshole Dean lets out a frustrated groan and leans down to take John. I pull back quickly but he puts his hands on his hips and gives me a really pissed off look. "I'm not going to hurt him. I just can't listen to him crying all night again. Give him here." He demands._

_ I hesitantly hand him John. I am ready to pounce if he so much has looks funny at him. He puts John in the crock of his arm and starts to rock him to sleep. John starts to calm down slightly but continues to cry softly. _

_ Dean starts to sing, horribly off key, but he actually starts to sing. "_Say your prayers little one, _Don't forget my son, To include everyone , I tuck you in , Warm within, Keep you free from sin, 'Til the sandman he comes, Sleep with one eye open, Gripping your pillow tight, Exit light, Enter night, Take my hand, We're off to never never-land." I am in shock. I recognize that song has one of John's favorite songs that Dean sings to him._

_ I look at him with my mouth gapping open. John falls asleep and Dean hands me back my sleeping baby. "I'm not a complete monster despite what you think Lara. You said that he only falls asleep when your husband sings to him so when we had a week together I had to find a way to make him sleep." He says then turns around and leaves the room quickly._

That was the end of the first day I was locked in here. He has come every night to ask me the same question and every night I tell him no. Then he sings John to sleep and storms out of the room. It's mid afternoon and I managed to get John to take a nap but he is restless. He keeps moving around and crying out in his sleep. He doesn't like it here.

There is a shift in pressure in the room and I quickly turn around and crouch in front of my baby's crib pulling out my demon killing blade. A hazy figure slowly appears in front of me. "Dean?" I scream out.

"Lara?" He screams back. For a moment it seems like time has stopped and we just look at each other. I drop my blade and run over to him. I jump up and wrap my legs around his waist covering his face with kisses.

Dean turns around and pushes me against the wall for the balance. "Lara, I have missed you so much." He moans into my mouth has we conquer each other.

"Dean." I moan back into his mouth. We don't waste time on words after that. We have been separated for too long. God a day is to long let alone a month. I don't care why he is here I need him. We don't even bother testing each other to make sure where not possessed or shape shifters. I don't need to test him. He feels, smells, tastes, and moves just like my Dean.

I take a look behind his shoulder and John is thankfully sound asleep. I tear at his shirt and slide his button up off his shoulders and lift his t shirt off. I need his skin now. We fight each other for access to each other's bodies. We both want to taste the other one. He pushes me up against the wall balancing me with his hips and lifts off my shirt. He quickly removes my bra and takes my breasts into his mouth. I let out a loud moan and he looks up at me and smiles.

Dean moves me and drops me on the bed. We take a moment to just look at each other. He quickly covers the distance between us and covers my body with his. Everything is forgotten. Being in this horrible world, Raphael trying to kill me, asshole Dean, everything fades away has I look in his eyes. I fumble with the buttons of his jeans while he fumbles with mine. We both catch each other's glances and start to laugh. We manage to succeed in our mission to get our partner naked.

We don't waste time on foreplay, we are too desperate for that. He quickly plunges into me and I let out a cry of pure lust. "God baby, it's been so long, you are so tight." He groans into my ears. I turn my head and catch his ear lobe with my teeth. He gives me a devious smile and captures my lips while he thrusts in and out of me.

It doesn't take us along. Our lust has built up to much to allow for a long slow love making session. This was fast and hard. "Dean please!" I beg him.

I wrap my legs around his waist and wrap my arms around his back. I dig into his back with my nails and move down to his hips pushing him into my harder and faster. "Stay with me Lara, just a bit longer." He says to me. I keep pace with him refusing to go without him. We both finally reach our peak and let out screams has we cum. He collapses on me. I don't think my muscles could move if I had too.

He nuzzles into my neck and kisses me softly. I smile and try to pull him into me. If I could I would osmos into him right now. "I love you Lara. I will love you forever." He whispers into my neck.

"Dean, I have been lost without you. I love you so much it hurts." I say back to him. We lay there refusing to move. If this is dream I don't want to wake up. "Dean this is real right? Please tell me I'm not asleep."

He smiles into my neck. "This is real Lara. I don't know what happened. I was in some shitty hotel room talking with Gabe, Cas, Balthazar and Anachel and the next thing I know I am here."

I turn my head to look over at John who is still asleep. I have no clue how he just slept through that. He has a big smile on his face. "I think John brought you here. He was asleep and must have been dreaming about you." Dean reluctantly pulls out of me and I shiver at the loss of him.

"I just need to hold him Lara." He says to me. I can hear the pain in his voice. He leans down and pulls on his boxes and quietly walks over to John picking him gently making sure not to wake him up. He pulls John to his chest and breathes in deeply, inhaling our child's unique scent.

I roll over and look at my family. "He said his first words earlier this week." I say lazily. Dean looks at me. "He said dada." I say quietly.

Dean looks down at our baby and I can see tears begging to break free. He closes his eyes and kisses John forehead and when he opens them again the threat of tears is gone. "I missed it." He says almost in a whisper.

I grab his discarded tshirt and pull it over my head and walk over to them. Dean uses his free arm to pull me into him. I stand on my toes and kiss him on the lips. "Don't worry when this is all resolved I will never be leaving your side again."

Dean puts John back down in his crib and grabs my hand pulling me back to the bed. I surprise him by pushing him down on the mattress. I surprise myself by climbing in him and straddling his hips. I have never been this aggressive before. I lean down and claim his mouth. "Before the stooges realize where you are and take you back I need you again Dean." I say seductively into his mouth.

My hands trace the band of his boxers and I can feel him getting hard beneath me. He traces the hem of his shirt on my body and slides his hands up my naked back and pulls my shirt off. I pull away from his mouth just long enough to get it off and I lean back down. I push myself up on my knees just high enough to slide Dean's boxers down his hips and off his body. I slowly lower myself back down on his hard shaft. I move up and down slowly getting into a rhythm until I start to move fast and faster. "Dean!" I scream out over and over again.

"What the hell Lara? Who the hell are you fucking in my bed?" I hear an angry voice yell at me from behind me followed by a different voice laughing. I quickly fall forward and Dean pulls me into his side and I roll on my back pulling the sheets up over my breasts and look up at asshole Dean.

Dean and Cas are standing just inside the room. Cas is laughing hysterically and I'm pretty sure he is high, which is per usual. I look from my Dean to the one standing at the foot of the bed. I pull my hand up and drag the hair out of my face. "Oh hi Dean. I didn't hear you come in. I want you to meet my husband, Dean."


	80. Chapter 80

Dean's POV

I don't care how I got here, why I got here, and I long I am here for. All I can think about now is Lara right in front of me, ridding me. We're completely lost in each other. She has never been this aggressive and sure of herself and it is definitely a turn on. "Dean." She moans out again over me. I can't believe it's been a month since I have seen her, held her, kissed her. It feels like an eternity. I almost forgot how beautiful her body was. Memories of her naked don't even being to do her justice.

"What the hell Lara? Who the hell are you fucking in my bed?" A familiar voice says from behind Lara. She quickly falls forward and I grab her into me. She turns on her back pulling the sheets up around her.

I see alternate Cas laughing behind Dean. I think he's high. Which based off last time I was here is the norm for him. Lara relaxes a bit realizing we aren't about to get attacked. ""Oh hi Dean. I didn't hear you come in. I want you to meet my husband, Dean." She says moving the hair of her face.

This whole situation just makes Cas chuckle harder. "Now you know how uncomfortable you make the rest of us when we find you hooking up with some girl." He says with a snort. Other version of me gives him a cold stare and Cas tries to stop laughing but can't seem to stop.

"Explain." Other me demands.

"Give us a minute. We are going to change and we can talk." Lara says calmly. Asshole me turns around and stomps out of the cabin. I'm surprised he listened to her because last time I was here he sure as hell wasn't taking suggestions from anybody. Lara looks at me and chuckles. "Well that went well."

I laugh. "Better then the last time I meet him. Last time he knocked me out and chained me to radiator." We get up and change quickly despite the fact I wanted to keep her naked. John woke up during the commotion and I pick him up cradling him to me. I have missed my little guy just as much if not more than Lara.

Lara opens the door back up and motions for them to come back in. "What the fuck is going on Lara?"

She looks at me then back at asshole version of me. "Well Dean we haven't quite told you everything. We thought it would be best to keep some things from you. In our world we meet, fall in love, and get married. The only way he would let us leave his side if we were going to still be with him in a way so he could continue to protect us."

"Is this why you thought I was your husband when you woke up from being ill and kissed me?" He asks her.

I don't know what comes over me. I hand John off to Lara and punch asshole version of me right in the nose. "You kissed my wife!" I yell at him.

He pushes me back. "No she kissed me!" He yells back. Lara grabs me arm and squeezes. I look at her. "Wait did he say you were ill?"

Lara sighs and puts John on her hip. He in turn relaxes on her chest. "My shoulder wound got infected and I didn't realize it. I passed out two weeks ago and I was out for a week. When I woke up I was confused. I was calling out for you and of course he answered since his name is Dean. The lights were off but he smelled like you. So I pulled him to me and kissed him. When he turned the lights on it all came back to me. Like where I was and who he was. I'm sorry Dean. I was just really out of it."

I pull her into a hug. "It's alright. I believe you. And I guess it's not cheating if you're kissing me. Are you alright now?" I ask her spinning her around trying to get a look at her shoulder. She humors me and lets me examine it and it looks like it is doing fine.

"I am fine now. They cleaned it out and got me on antibiotics. It's still a bit sore but I'm fine."

"So has lovely as a moment this has been I want answers!" Other me yells at us. I turn around and snarl at him. "God you haven't changed a bit have you!" I yell back.

"What the hell does that mean?"

Well shit, time travel/ plane travel is fucked up. "We've meet before. My past, your future. I meet you in my 2009 and your 2014. I spent three days with you and let's just say we didn't see eye to eye on much."

"Wait what year is it for you now?" He asks both of us. "2012." Lara responds casually.

"The apocalypse?"

"Averted." I respond.

"How?"

"It wasn't easy. We got the rings from the horsemen that open the cage up. We all agreed to Sam saying yes and when we opened the cage he managed to take control of his body and jump in the cage taking Lucifer, Michael, and our brother Adam with him. Sam's body got out right away and we just got his soul back a little while ago." I say quickly.

"Shit." He responds falling into a chair near the door. Cas has stopped laughing for sure and is giving me a confused look. "Sam is not possessed by Lucifer?" Cas asks me.

I shake my head no. "He's not. He actually just got married and he and his wife just had their first child a few days ago." Lara grabs my arm and I look at her and smile. "It was a boy and they named him Alexander, Alex for short. Gabriella's dad's name was Alejandro so they Americanized it a bit." I explain to Lara. She looks like she might start crying. I know she would have liked to be there.

"Wow." Is all other me can say. I look at him and shake my head in agreement. "So in your world Sam is not the devil and happily married? I am happily married too with a kid? Cas is still full fledged Angel and hangs out with his brother Gabriel?" He asks me.

"Pretty much." I say smiling at Lara pulling her to me for a kiss. "We are definitely happily married dude. And it's not just Gabriel. Balthazar has somehow gotten himself in our little group and John's new guardian Anachel."

Cas lets out a snort. "Of course Balthazar is there. He wants to make sure you guys get on it and make Daphne."

"What the fuck is it with Balthazar and my daughter? Everyone always talks about them!" I yell at him exasperated. Cas just chuckles knowingly.

"Daughter?" Asshole Dean chokes at me.

"In the path that we were all supposed to live on we marry Lara shortly after getting back from hell and we have 6 kids with her."

"SIX!" He yells his face turning bright red.

I snicker and look at Lara who is smiling at me. "Yeah six, John here, two sets of twins which are Cole and Gabe and Luke and Rick. Then we have Daphne. But that path got all messed up when Zachariah took Lara everything changed. We just meet up over a year and half ago and are slowly working on catching up." I say with a wink and Lara blushes.

"I… I…. wow." He stutters at us. We are all quiet for a moment. Other Dean looks up at us and points to John. "So why does he zap people?" He asks.

My over protective father instincts kick in and I grab John from Lara and pull him to me. "Did someone try to hurt him?" I ask her.

Lara shakes her head no. "While I was sick I was unconscious for a week. Dean tried to get some of the ladies to watch John while I was passed out and when he tried to pass him off he apparently zapped some lady and Dean got stuck with him for the rest of the week."

"Sorry you were scared buddy. Daddy should have been here." I whisper to him and kiss his forehead. I look at Cas who looks very uncomfortable right now. It's obvious he knows who and what John is and it's obvious he doesn't know how his Dean will handle this information.

"Well what's going on?" Asshole asks us.

Lara takes a deep breath and makes eye contact with me and I slightly nod. "John isn't just a baby. Well… he… well you see…"

"He's the Christ child." Cas spits out. Asshole's eyes bulge out of his eyes and he turns to look at Cas. "Christ Child?" He squeaks out.

Lara slowly walks over to him and grabs his arm. "In the original path I am asked to carry the Christ child and you are asked to raise him like your son. When the apocalypse starts you take Michael in and fight alongside our son. Even though my Dean, Sam, and Cas stopped the apocalypse Raphael wants to restart it. He injected Dean with God's essence and forced him to impregnate me. He wasn't expecting John to have such a fierce bond with Dean and I. Raphael wants to kill me so that he can take John and mould him into what he wants. He will then force Dean to say yes when he is ready to restart the apocalypse."

"Why would he need to kill you to take John? He's an angel why doesn't he just take him?"

"Because she is his mother. She is everything to him right now. The first time we were attacked John transported him to her because he wanted her when he was afraid. Has long has she is alive Raphael will never be able to control John." I say sadly.

Asshole sits there and I can see the wheels turning. Lara gets to him before I can. "Don't you dare think of using John to your advantage here! He is just a baby and has no control over his powers! If you so much has think of doing something I will destroy you!" She yells at him. It's sexy when she gets angry. He just pales and looks up at her.

Cas grabs his arm. "She will not be the only want who will destroy you Dean. I will have to join her." Wow this Cas has some balls too. Dean gives him a shocked look and jumps out of his seat. "I'm not going to do anything I was just thinking."

"Don't even think." I say to him angrily. He squints his eyes at me and for a moment I think we might get into a fight, not that I would mind hitting him again.

"Ok so how much longer are they going to be here?" He asks me.

I let out a deep sigh. "We are working on that right now. We have a plan and its working so far. So hopefully not much longer." I look at Lara and pull her to me with my free hand. "Not much longer." I whisper into her ear and kiss her hair. I can feel her smile into my chest.

The atmosphere changes and well all turn around quickly and are confronted by Gabriel. He sees me and lets out a sigh of relief. "I never thought I would be so excited to see you! I was not reveling in the idea of telling Lara I lost her husband." He says with a laugh. Gabriel walks up to us and gives John a kiss on the forehead. John kicks and giggles happily in my arms. "You just missed your daddy, didn't you little guy." Gabriel says in a baby voice to John. I never thought I would see the day where an angel talked in a baby voice.

Gabriel then turns his attention to Lara and pulls her into a tight hug. "Darling are you doing alright?" He asks her.

Asshole is sitting there shocked, Cas is stilling there shyly in front of his brother, and Lara is buried in Gabriel's arm. "I am fine Uncle Gabe. I just want to come home." She says. I can hear that she is crying. Gabriel releases her and I grab her into me and she cries into my chest.

"Don't worry darling. We are working on getting you guys home." He sets his sights on Asshole. "Are you treating her well?" He demands.

"I am treating her just fine." Asshole spits at Gabriel.

Cas hits his shoulder. "If locking her in this cabin like a prisoner and acting like a moody bastard to her is fine then yes you are doing a stand up job!" Cas yells at him.

Locking her in this cabin like a prisoner? Oh he did not lock my Lara up in a cabin! I quickly pass John off to Gabriel and huff over to Asshole. Lara tries to stop me but I shake her off and punch other me again. "What the fuck dude!" He yells at me.

"You have locked my wife and child up in a cabin?" I ask him more demanding an answer.

"Not quite! She wouldn't tell me what was up with John I told her I would lock her up until she told me. It's only been a week." He whines at me.

"A WEEK! You have locked my wife and baby up for a week! You are so fucking dead!" I yell at him. I raise my fist again but Lara grabs it and forces me to look at her.

"Dean it is fine. He was just doing what he thought was best. You need to see this from his perspective. He is living in a post apocalyptic world with a camp filled with twitchy trauma survivors. He couldn't have a baby that could kill people with a zap and his mom just running around the camp without knowing what was going on. It is fine. We have been well cared for. We have food and shelter everything is fine." She says trying to calm me down.

I give Asshole one last glare and allow Lara to pull me away. "We need to get going back before Raphael realizes you are gone Dean." Gabriel tells me. I give him a knowing nod and look down at Lara. I grab her to my chest and lean down and claim her mouth. I don't care that everyone is staring at us. I kiss her wildly, passionately, and with abandon.

"I love you." I mummer into her mouth. "I love you too." She mummers back. I give her one last kiss and pull away. "I am going to get you guys home soon I promise."

She smiles and shakes her head at me. "I know. Just stay safe." Gabriel hands John to me and I hold him to me and kiss his forehead. After a minute I pass him back to Lara. "I will love you forever Lara." I say has Gabriel zaps us out of that plane.

We land back in our hotel room and all the angels turn around and look at me letting out a collective sigh of relief. "We thought Raphael got you." Cas says relief dripping on every word.

I shake my head no. "John missed me and zapped me to him." I say proudly. My son misses me. It makes my heart break that he has to miss me but sickly happy that is does miss me.

"We got the plan narrowed down. We just need you to get it started." Anachel tells me.

I nod and take a seat. I lean back and just remember being with Lara. I use that memory to give me the strength to pull off the biggest con of my life. I rub my face with my hands and jump up. "Ok lets call that douche bag and give him his first seed of doubt!"

a/n hope you are all enjoying it still. Review if you get a chance!


	81. Chapter 81

Lara's POV

Another month has gone by. I don't know how much longer I can be separated from Dean, and my family. I need my husband, my adopted son, my uncles, my brother in law, my sister in law, all of them. I just want to be back home sleeping in my bed. I miss sleeping in on a Saturday with my husband sleeping besides me. I miss sleeping for that matter I guess. I am back on my prison sleeping schedule completely. I get 3 maybe 4 hours of sleep a night. Every night I wake up screaming. I wake up with memories of what I had done and what my life was like for 22 years. Alternate Dean wakes me up on occasion but he doesn't always sleep in his cabin. He has given up his bigger bed to John and me. It has been comforting for me to sleep in a bed next to my child instead of making him sleep in his crib alone. I like knowing I am there to respond to any of his movements. And I also like sleeping in a bed that smells so much like Dean. I know it's not my Dean's smell but it's close enough to give me some comfort.

Asshole Dean has gotten better. He hasn't been nearly has controlling and rude has he once was. I think that my Dean being here really shook him up. After my Dean left with Gabriel it took him some time to be able to speak again, he was in shock. I guess finding out that in some parallel universe he had six kids and wife was a bit much for him. Even more is finding out that I was that someone. The same someone he had locked up in his cabin for a week or the same woman he had been fighting with constantly.

He has been kinder though. He allows me to walk around the camp. I try to respect his wishes and not interact with too many people. I understand that he doesn't want me to get close to these people so that when I disappear with John no one will mourn me. He allows me to associate with him and Cas whenever I want though. He has been around more the last month. He must feel bad for what he had done and how he acted because he has been trying.

John has benefited immensely from asshole Dean being around. He is sleeping peacefully throughout the night and he has been calmer in general. He hasn't felt the need to shock anyone and he seems to be happy just like any other 9 month old baby should be. Asshole Dean has even managed to sing to him every night. At least when we get to go home John won't be confused at who is father is.

It's a beautiful day outside. I have found there aren't many of those in this world. I don't know if it's the mass destruction or just Lucifer's goal but it is so dreary here that any day with copious amounts of sunshine tend to bring the best out in people. Dean is out on a mission. Uncle Gabriel had told him not to leave me unattended but I told him to go. He was going stir crazy and I am safe here. I figured I could spend the afternoon with Cas. It took me awhile to convince him but he finally went.

_"Lara I promised Gabriel and Cas that I would not leave you alone!" He explains to me. I can't help but smile. "When have you ever done something that an angel has asked you to do Dean?" I say with a chuckle._

_ He can't help but smirk, it's a facial expression I recognize so well. It makes me want to cry. "So I don't always listen to them but in this case it feels like I should. I am trying to keep my other self's wife and son alive." _

_ I give him a kind a smile. I'm glad he has finally accepted us, his uncaring nature with me was affecting me more than I knew. It was hard to look at the face I loved so much, treat me with such apathy and distaste. "I know you are dying to get out of this camp and I understand that you are hesitant to leave John and I unprotected. But Dean you have an actual job to do here and I understand that." _

_ "Explain to me again how Sam managed to stop the apocalypse." He hopes he can try to make it work here and he wants to change the subject._

_ "Sam was able to take control of his body again at the last moment and jump into the cage. It was risky and difficult. I wasn't around at the time but Dean told me about it." I tell him._

_ "So if I could find a way to get Sammy to come to the surface I might be able to do it here?" He sounds sadly hopeful._

_ I take in a deep breath. "I have been possessed 551 times, not including the times the angels have possessed me to teach me how to expel them. I have only managed to win a handful of those times and it is physically draining. I don't know if he could do it now. He has been under Lucifer's control for so long. There is chance that Sammy is no longer in there and that his mind is gone. There is also a chance that Lucifer has made an entire world up for Sam to live in that he doesn't want to leave."_

_ I can see the wheels turning in his head. He is trying to hatch a plan. "I was thinking if I could kidnap and interrogate a demon that is close to him he would be able to tell me if Sam ever gets out. If he ever manifests himself."_

_ I give him a nod. "That might work." I take in a deep breath. I don't know if I should tell him this. "In 2014 when my Dean comes here you find the colt and you decide to go after Lucifer and kill him. Dean I want you to know that the colt does not kill him. You die before you can even pull the trigger. You also willingly allow Cas and your other friends to walk into a trap and die. Later back in 2009 they try to kill the devil with the colt and it doesn't work. You might have to accept that nothing you have can kill him."_

_ Dean seems to be taking in what I am saying he nods and I can only hope he listens to me and doesn't go through with it in the future, but I can tell he wants to ask me something else. "What is wrong Dean?" He raises his eyebrow at me. "Dean I am married to a version of you. Believe it or not I know all your faces and tells. Now what is wrong?"_

_ He lets out a reluctant sigh and rubs his face, such a familiar gesture. "I saw you two together. How is that possible? I just don't understand how we, you both, were able to find each other and how me, he, was able to let all of our baggage go and just be happy. You guys are happy. I could see it in the way he held you, the way he looked at you, the way he held John. I just don't understand. I would never allow someone to get involved with this family. We are cursed. No woman survives us."_

_ Poor Dean, I can understand how all of this seems strange and unreal to him. I put my hand on his arm and give him a light squeeze. "Dean, it was hard. He doesn't know that I know but he thought of leaving me numerous times for my own good. He thought if I stayed with him I would meet some terrible end. Maybe for most women that you Winchesters run into they do die but we're meant to be together. Us being separated ends worse than us being together. It took him time but he realized we are stronger together than apart. He did propose of his own freewill but we didn't get married of his own freewill. Raphael forced us to get married. It was oddly one of the best moments of my life. I don't know if Dean would have been able to go through with it if we weren't forced. Something would have come around and he would have freaked and probably tried to run. Then I would have found him, hit him upside the head, and brought him home with me." _

_ "How do you guys do it though? Keep happy and together with everything going on. I mean you guys have heaven and hell after you and you guys start a family." He says almost blaming me for something._

_ "Ah, I understand. You think we are being selfish and naïve starting a family with everything after us. Having John, adopting Ben, hopefully having our other children. Why should we deny ourselves being happy because something might happen? We are going to take care of our kids and each other till the end. I will not allow heaven and hell to force me to life my live one way. I know what I want and I'm going to take it and he is going to take it. I am not going to allow them to destroy the one wonderful thing that has happened to me in my entire life. I should be dead in a mass grave but I was given a chance at live. I am married and have children. That is more than I ever could have hoped for. I am going to fight till I die to keep it." I explain to him softly, like I might explain something to Ben._

_ "It's kind of unfair." He mutters falling into a chair in our cabin. _

_ "What's unfair?" I ask him._

_ He gives me a shocked look. "I guess I didn't realize I said that out loud. It's not fair that I had to see what I could have had if all this didn't happen. I get to see myself happy but I'm me. I'm alone and I'm going to stay in this hell hole fighting this fight while he gets to have this perfect life."_

_ I knell down in front of him and place my hands on his knees. He raises his face and looks at me.  
>"You can have anything you want. You just have to take it. Don't be closed off and stubborn. You can make your life whatever you want. You're the one that keeps yourself living like this."<em>

_ He wants to say something but I can see him fighting not to. We sit there quietly for a few minutes. Then he starts to lean forward. I can tell what he wants to do, I've seen that look on my Dean's face numerous times. Before he can lean in and kiss me my stomach starts to churn. I fall forward and throw up all over Dean's pants. I look up at him horrified. "I am so sorry." I say shakily wiping my mouth off._

_ Dean stands up and moves to his dresser to pull out a clean pair of jeans. I turn around and give him some privacy while I regain my composure. I still feel a bit nauseous but I am doing better. He comes up behind me and lightly touches me shoulder. "I'm sorry Lara… I umm… I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry. Are you alright?" _

_ I give him my kindest smile. "It's alright. No need to apologize. And I'm fine. I don't know what happened. I must have smelt some meat on your or something and it made me feel a bit queasy. Now you should get ready to go. I know you want to go with them in morning, so please feel free to go."_

_ He gives me a nod and I know he'll go with them. "I am going to go get some air? Would you be alright staying here with John while I go out?" I just need oxygen. "Of course not a problem." He responds quickly. _

That was last night and he did agree to go and he's headed out. The sunshine is helping my nervous mood. I don't know what life is like outside of these fences from experience but I have heard the horror stories. He is walking out into hell.

Cas' cabin comes into sight and I smile down at John who is giggling happily on my hip. The sensation to vomit hits me again. I knell down and place John on the ground next to me and I proceed to vomit outside of his cabin. I don't know what has gotten into me. It must be the amount of antibiotics I am on. John crawls over to me and grabs on to my leg. "Mommy's fine honey. I'm just feeling a bit under of the weather." I tell him reassuringly. For a baby he seems to understand more than he should.

The wave of nausea subsides and I manage to stand up and pick John up. I walk up the stairs and peak in through the beads covering Cas' door. It's so hard to imagine my Cas turning out like this. The drugs, the alcohol, the women. I wonder what he would say if I told him that in my world he is back with Eve. It would probably hurt him. I should keep my mouth shut on that topic. Sure enough Cas is knee deep in an orgy. I can't help but chuckle. I almost want to snap a photo to bring back with me and show my Cas. I step off the porch and play with John on a little patch of grass near his cabin. There isn't much greenery in this world but there is some.

Women slowly file out of Cas' cabin looking content and well used. I can't really judge them I guess, I mean the world is over why not enjoy yourself. I still think there has to be something wrong with these women but Cas says it's just their way of coping with the end of the world. He doesn't seem overly attached to any of them which makes me kind of sad for him. He is constantly surrounded by people and a majority of his time is engaging in the most intimate act that humans can do with each other but he is lonely.

The last of the women leave the cabin and I take the stairs slowly just in case he's not decent. I find him on beanbag wearing just his jeans smoking a bong. His hair is the epitome of bed head and he has love bites all over his naked chest. He lifts the bong to me and raises his eyebrow. "Want a hit?" He asks me.

I let out a chuckle. "Thanks Cas but I'm still breast feeding." He shrugs his shoulders at me and takes another hit. "You sure I don't think it affect John."

"I guess I should rephrase. No thank you Cas, I am not interested." He seems to accept that and goes back to getting himself high. "You sure because you're really tense and starting to kill my buzz a bit."

I really don't want John smelling this because I don't know if it will affect him so I give Cas a stern look and he reluctantly stops puffing. He gives me an expectant look and I take a seat on another bean bag just praying I don't touch something wet. "Your Dean tried to kiss me last night."

Cas starts to laugh. Like full on from the belly laugh. I kick him lightly with my foot. "What you can't tell me you are actually surprised Lara."

"Of course I am surprised! He knows I'm married!" I respond to him.

Cas chuckles and pulls out a pill bottle and pops one. I'm not sure what it is but at least it won't affect John. "You are his soul mate Lara. It doesn't matter that you are not his Lara he wants you."

"Wants me? He could hardly stand me when I first got here." Cas might not be able to give me good advice in his current state.

"He didn't hate you. He was attracted you and wanted to keep himself from getting to close since he knew you were leaving. When you were sick he didn't leave your side and I know he says it's because John wouldn't let him but it's Dean we're talking about. If he wanted to leave he would have. He wanted to make sure you were alright. Then when he found out who you were well it made him jealous and kick started something in him. He will never admit it but what he wants is what you have and he knows that can't happen here. Especially since there is no you here." Dammit, he is making sense.

I don't want to make eye contact with him yet. John is crawling around on the floor playing with whatever he can get his hands on and I'm keeping a careful eye to make sure it's nothing drug or sex related. "Well now I feel bad."

Cas shrugs. "Nothing to feel bad about, there isn't anything you can do. Just be nice to him and when you leave he'll slowly go back to his normal pissed off self."

"Cas I need you to promise me something." He looks at me waiting for me to continue. "I already talked to Dean about this but I want you to know too. My Dean told me what happened when he came here in 2014. Your Dean tries to kill Lucifer with the colt and it doesn't work. All of you including him gets killed in the process. Don't let him do it and don't go with him that day."

Cas doesn't do what I expected. He starts to chuckle again. "Lara do you know I found my first gray hair today?" I give him a confused look. "It's official all my angel mojo is gone. I am aging now. I've decided to trade all that in for Dean. He may be an ass most of the time but he is my best friend and I have given up way too much to stop doing what he thinks best now."

I know that if Dean takes him into a suicide mission he'll go. I just feel better at least warning him against it. "Is there anything that can kill him here? I don't think you guys will be able to get all the rings and open the cage. And even if you did I don't think you would be able to get Sam to jump in."

Cas gets up and moves to his wardrobe. He digs around for a few moments and pulls out his angel blade. "This should do the trick. I just don't think any of us could get close enough to him to actually use it." He hands it to me and I take it.

There is aloud commotion outside and I assume that Dean is back and it sounds like he has brought some trouble back with him. I grab John and Cas follows me outside. Sure enough Dean is back with his normal entourage and surprisingly a demon. I quickly shade John from him, if he sees him he might kill him, and I think that Dean needs him. We watch Dean take the demon into an isolated cabin and we go back into Cas' cabin. I know demons I could probably help. I pass John off to Cas. "Please keep him and stay sober till I get back."

"I'll try." He says dead pan. I know he will stay sober for me. By the time I get back there the demon is tied up and bleeding. Dean is standing over him with a knife and holy water.

"Does Lucifer ever lose it to Sam?" Dean yells at him. The demon just laughs. "Do you think I would ever betray my master."

Dean starts to laugh. "There is two ways this is going down. I am going to kill kill you and you will not be tortured by Lucifer for eternity. Or I will only exorcise you and spread it around that you squawked on everything I asked you and I'll send you back to him with a bow on."

The demon doesn't comment but his eyes dart back to me and they grow large. "How did you get her out?" He asks Dean confused. Dean whips around and sees me standing there. "How did you get in here? You shouldn't be here." I raise my hand to silence him. The demon knows something.

"He rescued me." I say blandly hoping not to give too much away. I don't want him to know I have no clue what he is talking about. It took me a moment but I recognize this demon. He was one of my captures back at the farm. My Dean killed him when he broke me out.

"I knew it. I told Lucifer that letting you have a window was a mistake. But he was all my little queen should be comfortable and not feel like she's still in prison. I told him he was being too easy on you that you are just a bitch for breeding but he for some reason wants you to be comfortable and happy. That's how he got you right? Snuck you right out to the window." Dean seems to have caught on. "Yea what can I say, a window is pretty easy to break into. And we thought she was dead." Cas had told us that I was dead.

The demon starts to laugh. "Well technically she did die. Bubonic six here finally succumbed to her diseases but Lucifer found her and brought her back to life. But you know the rest don't you sugar. He just wants you to give him a child." Then the demon looks at Dean. "But that stupid brother of yours is making it so difficult for him. He's only managed to fuck her a few times without Sam keeping him from her but she just refuses to get pregnant."

Well this definitely a new development I didn't see coming. Dean gives him a smirk. "So Sam keeps Lucifer from…" He looks at me uncomfortably. "From having relations with her?"

"Yeah, apparently he recognizes s the meat suit from his human life and fights like hell to keep Lucifer off her. He's managed a few times but not nearly has often as he would like to. I keep telling Lucifer to kill the boy but he says he can't. I think it's just weakness."

Dean picks up his demon blade and twirls it around. "Thanks for the information. By the way that's the not the girl you think it is. But I am going to keep my end of the bargain and kill you. I don't want you telling anyone who she is." He slams the blade into the demons chest and his insides spark then he falls over and dies.

"So what is going on? " He asks me looking back at me.

I take a step back. "I am not totally sure but in my world he was one of the demons that kept me captive. By the way it sounds I got really sick and died but Lucifer needed me. When you were in hell Ruby successfully got me pregnant with Sam's child, the anti Christ. It appears that Lucifer is trying to do it again but your brother won't let him. That means your brother is still alive in there Dean."

Dean doesn't say anything for a moment. "Are you sick now?" He asks.

I shake my head no. "Cas healed me. I didn't know what the diseases were that I had. I was really sick though and I was going to die."

"Ok so how do I get you, her, out of there and stop Lucifer?" He asks. He isn't as much asking me has just saying it.

I pull the angel blade out and hand it to him. "This can kill an angel and despite his fallen status that is what Lucifer is. It will kill Sam to though." He takes the blade and nods. I don't know what he plans to do with it but based off what my Dean said he did when he came he has no problem killing his brother to save the world.

"I am going to go get you, her, and put an end to this. I am going to have to go away for a few days." He states then walks out of the cabin. I look over at the dead body still in the room with me and walk over to it and gently close his eyes. He was human once. Again the urge to vomit takes over me. I quickly leave the cabin and heave outside the front door. Cas is holding John on his porch and he and Dean are talking. They both look over at the same time to see me retching and they both run over to me.

"Lara are you alright?" Cas asks me. I continue to vomit and when it's done I sit back on my heels and Dean helps me stand on shaky legs.

"I am fine. I think it was the body and the blood. I'm fine now." I reach for John who is now crying and pull him to me. "It's ok buddy. Mommy is just fine." I really do feel alright now.

Dean gives Cas a look and I know they have something planned. "Lara I want you to stay with Cas until I get back. I think it will be easier to launch a surprise attack and get her out with just me. I'll be fine and I'll be back in a few days." I am about to fight him on it but Cas grabs me arm and squeezes. I look at him and he shakes his head no.

I take a deep breath and look Dean in the eyes. "Alright. Be safe." And he turns around and leaves. I look at Cas wanting him to explain why he stopped me.

"You want him to be happy. This is how to do it. Let him go get you and find his soul mate. If he is lucky in the process he can kill Lucifer and actually have a life with her." He says softly and pulls out a joint from his pocket and lights it up. It almost makes me doubt his thought process, but only almost.

a/n if you liked it please review it


	82. Chapter 82

Dean's POV

This has been the biggest con of my life and it's been a month in the making. A month of pretending to sneak around. A month of pretending I am about to betray my wife and my child. I just want it over and that month of careful planning is finally at its final stages tonight and it's all on me.

"Dean do you know what you need to do?" Gabriel asks me. I shake my head and cover my face with my hands. I just need to get shit done. "Yes, we have gone over it hundred times."

"Good I just want to make sure. I know you are tired and miss them but after tonight you will have them back." Gabe tells me trying to make me feel better. Balthazar comes in and I look up at him and nod. He's been my main accomplice in this. One month of trying to convince Raphael I am willing to betray everyone.

_A month ago_

_ "Why did you summon me here?" Raphael asks us angrily. I look over at Balthazar and he nods at me. "I want to make a deal."_

_ Raphael starts to laugh. "A deal with you? Why would I do that when I can just take what I want?"_

_ I give him my signature cocky smirk. "Well if you could just take it why haven't you?" He snarls at me. "I am here to make a deal Raphael do you want to hear it or not."_

_ "What do you want mud monkey?"_

_ "I want you to leave Lara alone. I will give you John if you promise not to hurt her and you allow us to have our other children." Please believe me. I need him to trust me so we can trap him again._

_ "Why would you give me your son? Aren't you Winchester's all about family?" He doesn't quite trust me yet._

_ "Yes we are. That is why I want to make this deal. I want my wife alive. I can't live without her. She will be upset for a while but we still have five more children we can have. I would rather have my wife and five kids then none of them at all."_

_ "And you Balthazar why are you here?" He asks him. "Brother you know what I am here."_

_ Raphael snickers. "Of course, you have an unhealthy attachment for your charge and you want her to born." Raphael smiles at me. He is beginning to believe me._

"The traps are set." Castiel tells us has he appears back in the hotel room. The image of Lara is looking out the window to make any of Raphael's spies believe she is still with us.

The last month we have been staging fake fights between Lara and me. In these fake fights Gabe and Cas side with Lara and Balthazar sides me with me. Raphael seemed to buy it believing that Balthazar would side with whatever side got Daphne born in the end. Many nights I storm out of the hotel and go get drunk at the local bar with Balthazar. I should be getting an Oscar for this performance.

Balthazar grabs my shoulder and we take off to the abandoned warehouse. Once the trap is set Anachel, Gabriel, and Cas will all show up and help me finish him if I am unable too. I am holding a toy baby doll that is wrapped up in blanket and Balthazar is standing next to me waiting for Raphael to show up.

"So you did bring the goods Winchester." Raphael laughs at me. Come on take a few more steps forward.

"I told you I would. Now promise you that you will not hurt Lara." I snarl at him. He lets out a laugh and moves forward. "A deal is a deal and I will not hurt your wife as long as I have the child. Will your wife ever forgive you for this?"

Just a bit more. Come on just a bit. He continues to move towards me and he's where I need him. I step forward and when I get to him and pretend like I am giving my baby one last kiss. "I love you John. I am sorry about this." I say to the doll and I pull out my lighter. I kiss the dolls head and light the lighter and throw it behind me catching the ring of holy oil on fire. I drop the doll and pull out the angel blade that was in the bundle.

Raphael is looking around confused and I have just a moment to kill him before he gets his bearings. I slam the blade into his heart and he looks up at me amazed. "You….A human…you" He stutters has he falls to his feet.

I feel Cas, Gabe, and Anachel behind me. "I warned you not threaten me or my family." I say has I push the blade in further and push him back.

"You should have let them be brother." Gabe says sadly from the other side of the ring of fire. I jump over the fire and look back at Raphael's body and the ashes of his wings. "I am sorry for your loss." I tell them. I know they just lost their brother.

Cas grabs my arm. "It is alright Dean. He was our brother but he was trying to hurt Lara and John. He got what he deserved." I nod at him and walk away from the dead angel.

"Please get me home." I say quietly. Balthazar grabs my arm and we appear in my bedroom. They had been back to fix the damage from the last time we were home. The rest of them appear in the room with me except Anachel. She needed to return her burrowed vessel and return to her true vessel. I look at Cas. "Please go bring Ben home." Then I look at Gabe. "Please I need my wife and my son." I don't want to plead but I know it came out like I was begging for my last meal. They both nod and disappear.

Cas is back quickly with Ben. "Dad!" Ben yells and runs to me and grabs me in a tight hug. "Ben! I have missed you so much. I am so sorry we had to leave you. I promise we won't do that ever again." I say into Ben's hair has I hold him to me.

"Where is Lara and John?" Ben asks me looking up at me with watery eyes. I smile at him and kiss his forehead. "Gabriel is going to get them. They should be here any moment." He smiles and puts his head back on my chest and I hold him to me. I have missed him so much. I am glad that we can all get back to being a family.

Lara's POV

He has been gone a few days already. I have been so nervous about him. He is trying to save alternate me from the devil, not an easy task. I feel the room change and I look over. "Uncle Gabriel!" I shout out has I jump up and give him a big hug.

"Yes darling it is me. Come now, it is time for you to go home!" I break into a big smile and hug him again. "It's safe?"

Gabriel smiles into my hair. "Yes darling your husband killed Raphael and you and John are safe. Come now, let's be going."

I look at him and smile. "I just need to do something first. Can you give me a few minutes?" I ask him. He smiles at me and starts to pack my bags. I pull out a piece of a paper and pen and I write alternate Dean a long letter. "I'll be right back. Just get John ready."

I run out of the cabin and run to Cas'. Thankfully he is just teaching to his "followers" before the orgy and no one is naked yet. He sees me and smiles. "Give me a moment ladies." He says coming over to me.

I give him a big hug. "It is time for me to go home Cas." I hand him the letter I wrote Dean. "Give this to him when he makes it back." I give Cas a kiss on the cheek. "I will miss you."

He smiles at me. "I will miss you too." And I turn around and run back to Dean's cabin. Gabriel has my bag on my one shoulder and John on his other hip. "You ready darling?" He asks me.

I walk to him and grab his free hand. "I have never been more ready for anything in my life." I feel us moving and we come to in my bedroom. I see my Dean and Ben holding each other in the middle of our room.

"Dean! Ben!" I scream running to them and pulling them into me.

Dean's POV

"Dean! Ben!" I hear her shout before I see her. I turn around and there she is. Wearing one of my shirts standing next to Gabe who's holding our baby. She runs to us and grabs us both in a tight hug. She lets go for a moment and pulls Ben to her. "Ben I have missed you so much. I love you so much sweetheart." She tells him while he cries into her shoulder. "When did you get taller than me? I am now the shortest person in the family."

Ben smiles at her through his happy tears. "I had a bit of a growing spurt in the last 8 months." He says sheepishly. Lara kisses his cheek. "I promise we will never be separated that long again sweet heart." She says to him.

Lara than turns towards me and grabs my face pulling it down to her lips. She kisses me and I plunge my tongue into her mouth. "Lara." I say into her mouth. She pulls away for a minute when Gabriel walks to us and hands me John. I hold him to me. "Dada!" He says happily.

"That's right little guy its dada." I kiss his forehead and pull him to my body. My baby boy, I have missed him so much. I grab Lara and Ben and pull them into me. My whole family is back together now. I will make sure to go see Sammy, Gabby, and Alex tomorrow morning, tonight is for them.

After a few hours Ben starts to yawn and Lara makes him go to bed. John doesn't seem too tired and Gabe appears back in our house. "Why don't I watch him while you guys get reacquainted?" He says while wiggling his eyebrows.

Lara hands him John and grabs my hand and pulls me to the stairs. "Thanks Uncle Gabe. I'll see you tomorrow." She says not breaking eye contact with me. I grab her and pick her up carrying her up the stairs. She lets out a laugh and I lean down and kiss her has I take us to our room.

I lay her down on the bed. The last time we meet we were possessed with need. This time I know that no one is ever going to take her from me again. I want to take my time getting reacquainted with her body and I want to savor this. I start with her feet removing her boots and her socks. I kiss each of her feet and I move up her legs to remove her jeans. I unbutton them and pull them off her legs slowly. I kiss up each of her legs till I reach her inner thighs. She throws her head back on the bed. "Dean." She says wistfully.

"I love you Lara. I have missed you so much." I say into her stomach has I unbutton her shirt and trail kisses up her stomach. She sighs beneath me and moves to take off my clothes. I shake her off not ready for that yet. I want a few minutes to worship her body. "I thought of you every minute of every day. The nights were the worst." I say into her ear has I nibble on it.

She turns her face into mine and kisses the side of my face. "Dean, I love you." She says breathlessly into my ear. This time I allow her to slip my shirt off and help me out of my t shirt. I kick off my boots and socks and allow her to undo my pants. She pushes them down my hips and I pull them the rest of the way off.

I pull back and look down at Lara's beautiful body, my wife's beautiful body. "Please Dean, I need you. I have been staring at your twin for weeks now. He wasn't you but he looked and moved like you. Please I need you in me now." She whimpers. Who am I to deny her request?

She shudders beneath me and I lean back down and capture her lips. I slide by hands up and down her body and she moans into me. God, her sounds are throwing my body into a frenzy! I pull away from her lips and kiss down her neck making sure to mark every inch of her body has mine. I kiss and suck from her lips to her toes and back up. "Dean please!" She begs me throwing her head back on the pillow. I can't wait much longer either.

I lean down to her lips and kiss her again while I slowly enter her. I know it's been awhile for us both. A month is a long time. She is so tight and her walls tighten around me even more. She lets out a gasp and I stop for a moment. She grabs my hips and prods me to keep going.

The last two months seem to fade has I look into her eyes has I move in and out of her. It was all worth it to have her back here with me, under me, and safe. Neither of us are going to last long, it has been just too long.

She cums just a moment before me and I continue until I cum and collapse on top of her. I try to roll over but she tightens her arms around me and holds me to her. "Don't move, I want to feel you." She whispers to me.

We lay there for what feels like hours just enjoying the feel of each other. Out of nowhere Lara's body starts to shake and she quickly pushes me off and runs to the bathroom. I follow behind her and follow her to the bathroom. Lara grabs the lid and rips it up has she starts to puke in the toilet. I come up and sit down behind her on the floor. I pull her hair up and when she is done I pull her back into my chest. "Are you alright?" I ask her.

She shakes her head yes. "I have been a bit under the weather lately. Sorry if I get you sick too." She says not moving from my chest. I smile and kiss the back of her head. "Trust me if you do it's worth it."

I leave her there for a moment and throw on my boxers and bring her back my t shirt and a pair of panties. Her head is back in the toilet bowel when I come in. I sit down again and rub her back. When she's done I change her and carry her back to bed. "Try and sleep." I whisper in her ear has I fall asleep holding her for the first time in two months.

A/n So I am not planning on finishing what happens over there in this story. I was thinking about writing like a two or three chapter story on what happens with asshole Dean. What do you think? Should I write it or just keep going with the two I am writing? I don't want it to get to crazy with having three different stories and all unless you guys would want to read it.


	83. Chapter 83

Lara's POV

There isn't a better way to wake up then this, snuggled into Dean in our bed. All of it was worth it if I get to do this every day and not worry about Raphael barging in and killing me. I stretch out and Dean instinctively pulls me closer to him. I smile at that gesture and lay there for a few minutes. Gabriel had been watching John all night and I really should go down there and make sure everything is all right. I manage to wiggle out of Dean's arm and throw on a pair sweat pants and I quietly make my way downstairs.

John is bouncing up and down on Gabriel's knee and Balthazar is sipping coffee on the chair next to him. "Good morning." I say to them. Balthazar jumps out of his seat and gives me a big hug lifting me off the ground. I chuckle and he puts me down and kisses my forehead. "It's great to have you back Lara. Your husband has been more unbearable than usual without you." I doubt those two will ever be best friends. It's kind of funny because I feel so at home and comfortable with all the angels and Dean feels comfortable with Cas and is getting better with Gabe but Balthazar well that's not happening.

I lightly hit him in the stomach and continue to chuckle has I move past him and pick John up. John giggles and puts his arms around me. "Mama." He says. I smile at him and kiss his nose. "Are you hungry baby?" I ask him.

He shakes his head no and wiggles for me to put him down. He wants to crawl around and play with his toys. I put him down and he starts to play with his blocks. My stomach starts to lurch again and I quickly run into the bathroom and throw up. Both angels are behind me in a moment fawning over me. I wave them away has I finish up. "I'm fine guys. Just getting over something. Go watch John I'll be fine." Balthazar leaves but Gabriel stays.

"How long has this been going on?" He asks me. I turn my head up and look at him. "A month or so I guess." Then I quickly turn back down and throw up. "Once I'm done I'll be fine." He smiles at me and leaves the room.

I flush the toilet and rinse my mouth out and head to the kitchen. I want to make my boys a big breakfast this morning. I pull ingredients out of the fridge and pantry and start to mix the pancake batter when I hear a knock on the sliding glass door. I look up and it's Sammy, Gabby, and their new baby. I run to the door and open it and I'm instantly surrounded by the giants who are giving me hugs.

"Lara, I have missed you so much. I wanted you here so bad when I went it to labor." Gabby says in my hair. "I missed you to Gabby. Let me see my little nephew." I pull away and Gabby puts the one month old baby in my arms. Alex yawns and rubs his eyes.

"Sammy, Gabby, he is just so cute." I say to them then look back down at my nephew and coo over him. Sammy and Gabby are beaming like the proud parents they are. I hear footsteps coming down the stairs and I look over to see Dean coming down the stairs in a tshirt and his boxers. "Dean, come see Alex." I say to him.

Dean stops in the living room and picks up John and puts him on his hip. John clutches on to Dean and babbles. "Dada, Dada, Dada." Over and over again. I can see the happiness on his face. Dean comes over and gives Gabby a hug and looks down at Alex. "I'm glad he takes after his mother. Wouldn't want him to have to walk around with your ugly mug." Dean says with a laugh at Sam.

Sam punches his arm and takes Alex from me. "Do you guys want to stay for breakfast? I was just starting to make it." The both smile at me and sit down.

"I was hoping you'd ask. I have missed your cooking!" Gabby says pulling a seat back. Gabby, Sam, and Dean chatter away while I work on breakfast. Balthazar and Gabriel are hanging out in the living room and Ben woke up and took a spot at the table with them.

"Uncle Gabe?" I yell into the living room. "Yea?" He asks back.

"Where is Cas and Eve? I haven't seen them since I got back."

Gabriel comes into the kitchen and leans on the counter. "They missed each other and I think they were just taking some time for themselves as well. She had to spend a lot of time away from him while you were gone." I shake my head and continue to cook.

Ding Dong

I look over at Dean. "Honey can you get that?" I ask him with a whisk in hand. He keeps John on him, I have a feeling he isn't going to be putting him down for days, and heads to the door. "Is she back? Is she ok?" I hear a worried female voice coming from the door. I look at the angels in confusion and they shrug their shoulders.

The front door shuts and I hear Dean coming back into the kitchen with a worried Christy. She runs across the kitchen and gives me a hug. I am confused but I hug her back. "Hi Christy. Is everything alright?"

Christy looks at me and almost chuckles. "I can't believe you are asking me if everything is alright after what you've been through these past few months. Please take a seat, I'll finish what you are doing. Shouldn't you be resting?" I give her a confused look and Ben jumps up and comes over to me.

"It's ok Lara. I told Christy about you getting sick again." He says trying to tell me something with the power of his mind. I just shake my head. "Everyone was confused why you left so quickly with Dean and John and I told them about how you relapsed and needed to go back to Seattle to see your doctor and how you would be coming back once the cancer was back in remission but that you didn't want to take me out of school after the year I had." Gosh our boy is smart, I think with a smile.

I look over at Christy and grab her hand. "I am fine now Christy. I had to go through treatment again but they think they got it all and I am all better. Do you want to join us for breakfast?" I ask her.

She smiles and hugs me again. "No, I know you probably want to spend time with your family. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You left so suddenly and we were so worried about you. All the moms were praying for you."

"Thank you Christy, it really means a lot to me. I am fine now. I just need a few months to get back on my feet. I will come over later and we can talk." We say good bye and she heads back across the street.

I look over at Ben and smile at him. "That was good Ben. I didn't even think about what we were going to tell the neighbors." I've never had to think about it before no wonder I didn't think of it.

Sammy grabs Ben shoulder. "He was smart. None of us had a clue what to tell people and he thought of it right away. We had people coming by the shop all the time asking about you." That reminds me I run to the house phone and dial Bobby and Jody telling them to come over. They were so happy to hear my voice.

Soon everyone is here but Cas and Eve. We are all seated at the table having breakfast when they finally decide to join us. They both look extremely happy. They have wide grins on their faces and they look like they are glowing. I can tell they have been getting it on all night.

I jump up and give Eve a hug. She hugs me back. "I am so glad you are finally safe Lara. Now that Raphael is gone Gabriel will be taking his role in heaven and I will no longer have to disappear when you have to deal with heaven." I look over at Gabriel and he shrugs his shoulders at me. I will get it out of him soon.

"Cas I have missed you so much." I walk over to him and give him a hug. The moment we touch a bright lights floods the area between us and I pull away quickly looking down at the white light that is hovering over my abdomen and slowly dimming. "Cas?" I ask him.

Dean jumps up and grabs me checking me for injuries. "I am fine Dean. I don't know what happened." I say to him. Cas is standing there frozen. "Cas?" I ask him again

Cas falls down on his knees and puts his head to my belly. He brings his hand up and caresses it. "Cas what are you doing?" I ask him kind of afraid. Dean is tense and ready to fight next to me.

I look down and he breaks into a smile and he pulls away and looks at me. I have never seen him so carefree and happy before. "They are here Lara." He says with a beaming smile. "Who is here Cas?" I ask him.

"Cole and Gabe. They are here, in you. You are pregnant. I didn't think it would happen this soon. I mean in the other path you don't get pregnant again for 3 years but you are and they are here!" He says grabbing me into a tight hug.

"Pregnant? She's pregnant again?" Dean asks stumbling backwards. Cas releases me and grabs Eve into a tight hug. I look over at Dean and smile. He seems to come back to reality and he walks over to me and kisses me. "Pregnant, you're pregnant." He whispers into my mouth.

I smile and put my hand over my stomach. "I guess I am." I look over at Gabriel and Balthazar. "This time I demand that we deliver in a hospital and I want an epidural." I say with a laugh.

The rest of the day is spent all together. It's great to have everyone back under one roof, hell after everything I am just glad to have all back in the same plan let alone same state. Throughout the day and into the evening everyone slowly dispersed. By 10 pm everyone had headed back home. Gabriel and Balthazar are in the living room talking about heavens politics and how they plan to proceed with Raphael gone, Eve and Cas are in the basement and every so often the house starts to shake. Dean keeps muttering that the angels need to get their own digs. That might not be such a bad idea. It appears that we aren't losing them anytime soon even if Gabriel is now in charge of heaven. I don't think Eve is too concerned with finding Crowley as long as she has Cas. They love each other and once Crowley is dead she will have to go to back to purgatory and she is putting it off.

Ben is in his room watching a movie and I think he drifted off a little while ago because I haven't heard him laugh in a while. I am rocking John and getting him ready for bed. Dean got him most of the way asleep I just wanted to hold him for a bit longer. It's a nice night and I have the window open and I can feel a cool breeze coming in through the window. I lean down and kiss him and put him in his crib and turn on the mobile. I just stare at him a moment and I touch my stomach thinking about the two lives that have taken root in there.

I turn on his baby monitor and tip toe out of the room making sure to keep the door slightly open. The room is protected against everything known to man and angel but I feel better knowing that if something happens to the monitor I will hear him anyways.

Dean is propped up in bed reading over some papers that Bobby brought him regarding the shop this afternoon. "Is he asleep?" He asks me looking up momentarily from his work. I shake my head and smile and head into the bathroom.

It feels so normal. I wash my face, brush my teeth, put on my body lotion, and turn off the bathroom lights. I walk to the bed and pull back the covers and Dean throws his papers to the ground and pulls me in to him. He puts his hand on my stomach and just rests it there for a bit. He leans and kisses it. "I can believe that Cole and Gabe are in there."

I look at him and bring his mouth to mine and I kiss him. "I can't either. You work fast Dean." I say with a seductive grin. He smirks back at me and pulls me under him. "You have no idea Lara." He says has he kisses me again.


	84. Chapter 84

a/n I am really excited about this chapter and I hope you all like it too. I got a spark a while ago and I'm glad to finally be able to write it out!

6 years later.

Lara's POV

"Lara?" I hear through my sleep. I slowly open my eyes and focus on Dean. "YOU'RE BACK!" I yell out and I jump out of the bed and launch onto Dean. He had been on a hunt for the last week and a half and I have missed him so much.

He kisses me back and lowers me back down on the bed. "You know I leave just to get that response every time I get back." He says with a laugh.

I push myself up and kiss him again. "So if I do that every day when you come home you'll never leave again?" He knows I'm kidding. We agreed that Sam and he would take a few hunts here and there. They don't leave that often but anytime he's gone for more than a few hours it's too long for me. I do a quick scan of the room. "Where are the boys?" All five of them like to crash in bed with me when Dean is gone. We still talk to him while he's gone and Sam even made him agree to talk on Skype with us which once had a horrible, disastrous ending.

_"Hey baby, how are you?" Dean asks me looking confused and overwhelmed by the technology in front of him. _

_ "I'm fine. Don't get nervous just look into the camera or at me." He looks at me in the screen and seems to relax. "Much better. So how is it going out there?"_

_ He shrugs his shoulders. "We think we know what it is but we have no clue where it is. So we gotta cover the city tomorrow. How are you and the boys?" I raise my hand and point him one finger. I run to the door. "John, Cole, Gabe, Ben come here!" I yell up the stairs. _

_ There is a lot of commotion coming down the stairs and Ben is the first one down followed by John and Cole and Gabe tottering down the stairs. They are only two and still a bit wobbly on the stairs. Cole , Gabe, and John jump on my lap and wave at Dean. Ben stands behind me and waves too. I can see that Dean is feeling a bit emotional. He's been gone for over a week and he has missed everyone and we have missed him too. I have gotten used to him being gone but it doesn't mean I like it. When he goes away my nightmares come back but having the boys in bed with me sometimes help. If I see them I can relax and know that part of my life is done._

_ After about 10 minutes Ben takes the kids back upstairs and I'm alone with Dean again. "So Dean…" I say seductively has I start to unbutton my shirt. Dean gives me a shocked look then he gives me a smirk. I finish unbuttoning and I slip the shirt of my shoulders and off my arms and do a little shimmy and spin the shirt around my finger and fling it._

_ Dean stutters for a moment and quickly takes off his shirts too. He gives me a shit eating smirk and moves his arms up. "So Dean have you missed me?" I ask with a wink. I stand up and slowly unbutton my pants and slide them down my thighs and kick them off. _

_ "Uh, Uh, Yea of course you know I have missed you! I think about you all time!" I smile at him seductively. _

_ "Why don't you take of your pants Winchester?" I tell him. He stands up and quickly kicks off his pants. I can tell he is shocked by me. It's taken a long time, a really long time, but I am finally able to let go of everything that happened to me in my past and look forward to my future. _

_ I slowly unsnap my bra and throw it off and slip off my panties. We may not be able to sleep next to each other tonight but we both might get a little bit of what we want. I see his hands move down beneath the screen. _

_ Dean continues to touch himself while I touch myself into the camera. "DEAN!" Another voice off screen yells. Oh shit! Dean turns his head and turns bright red. "Get the fuck out Sam!" Dean yells._

_ I cover myself with my hands and we both look at each other and start to laugh. "Maybe we'll try this another time." I say still blushing. Dean is still bright red and smile at me. "Yea another time. I love you Lara."_

_ I start to put my clothes back on. "I love you too Dean." _

That was three years ago and we did successfully finish that at another time. Dean moves my hair out of my face and kisses me again. "I just moved them all back to their beds. I thought it was best if they weren't in the bed that I plan on doing some very devious things to you in."

I raise my eyebrow at him. "Oh really? Devious things you say?" He leans down and kisses me again. "Dean wait! I have something important to tell you!"

"What could be more important than sex right now Lara?" He asks me pretending to be completely put out by my sudden need to talk.

I grab his hands and put them over my womb. "I went to the doctor today Dean. We are having another baby. It's Daphne we are finally getting her." I am happy I could jump up and down. I promised Balthazar 7 years ago I would keep going till I had her and I'm finally pregnant with her.

Dean's mouth drops for a moment. He shakes it off with a lazy smile and lowers his head to kiss my stomach. "My baby girl is in there?" He asks me looking up at my face. I shake my head up and down excitingly. "Best home coming ever." He says with a laugh and moves back up my body to my face.

*The next morning*

"Mom! Have you seen my paper? It's due today?" Ben yells up the stairs has he takes them two at a time bounding into the kitchen. He started calling me mom a few years ago and it still makes my heart swell every time he does. He is so tall and all grown up now. He towers over me. I sometimes can't believe that little Ben is the grown man in front of me.

"It's on the counter. I proof read it last night and made some corrections. Look over it before you go in. You have a free period this morning right?" I ask him flipping his French toast on the pan. I have been taking on line college courses in business so I could help with the garage more and so that I could keep up with my studies. I am actually pretty good at them. There's a part of me that wishes I could go to real classes but with six boys at home and one girl on the way there would be no way for me to get time to leave the house like that.

He picks up his paper and takes a seat at the table and looks over. "Yeah, I don't have class till later." I put his plate down in front of him and kiss the top of his head. I hope if Lisa is watching us she approves of how I've raised her son.

"Do you think you could take Cole and Gabe to preschool on your way to class? Uncle Sam is working in the elementary school this morning and he's going to take John in and I have some cleaning to do this morning before Rick and Luke get up." They make it so hard for me to get any work done with all the shenanigans they get into.

Ben laughs. "Yea I can take them in. Did you ever get the glue out of Gabe's hair last night? I still can't believe that Rick and Luke thought it would be funny to put it in his hair." He asks me still laughing.

I sigh and shake my head remembering that little fiasco. We were making birthday cards on the kitchen table for Grandpa Bobby and Rick and Luke started to giggle. I know it is a bad sign with they start to laugh. I didn't smell any fire and I didn't hear anything break so I let my guard down a bit. Then Gabe started to cry. He keeps his hair a bit too much like his Uncle's and it's the perfect target for Rick and Luke's pranks. They glued some construction paper in to his hair and I had to cut it out, then give him an at home hair cut. Has if on cue Dean comes down the stairs with Gabe and Cole. Gabe is still upset about last night and Dean is holding him while he rests his head on his dad's shoulder and Cole is running in front of him to launch on me. I catch him mid air and give him a big hug then look over at Ben's shocked face. "It looks good Gabe!" Ben tells him trying to reassure him that his new hair cut isn't so bad.

I wince waiting for his reaction. He doesn't burst into tears which is good. "Really? You like it Ben?" Gabe does have a bit of hero worship for his older brother.

"You better believe it. It looks like mine!" Gabe breaks into a big smile and Dean puts him down to go sit next to his brother. Dean comes over to me and kisses me and takes a seat at the table. "Hey dad when did you get back?" Ben asks him.

Dean looks at me at winks. "I crawled in a few hours ago." Ben shakes his head knowing what Dean's wink means.

"John, you better come down breakfast is ready." I shout up the stairs. John comes running down the stairs and bounds into the kitchen a ball of excitement. He looks so much like Dean it's almost spooky. Our twins are the perfect blend between us but John is all his dad. He runs over to Dean and jumps on him. "Daddy! You're home!" He yells at him.

Dean gives him a big hug and kiss. "I am home buddy! Do you guys want to go out to the park after school?" John smiles widely and shakes his head up and down.

"Hey mommy! What's for breakfast?" He asks me grabbing his fork. I chuckle and put the plates of French toast down for everyone.

Like every morning there is a knock on the door and the angels come in. They bought the place on the other side of us and have set up shop there since we started running out of room has the kids started to pile up. They moved about three years ago when I got pregnant with Rick and Luke. Eve is still with them trying to hunt down Crowley since he is still trying to get into purgatory. I can see in her and Cas' eyes every time we talk about him that they dread the day we kill him.

"UNCLE CAS!" Both Gabe and Cole yell jumping out of their seats running to the guardian. All the boys are very close with their guardians. Cas grabs them both in a big hug and comes back to the kitchen covered in 5 year old boy. He stopped wearing his suit and trench coat everyday about 4 years ago and he looks good dressed normal, just in jeans and a tshirt like Dean. None of them have real jobs but they at least look like your average neighbors. Eve comes in behind him followed by Balthazar. "Where is Gabriel?" I ask him. I make sure not to touch him. I'm not ready for him to know yet, and we learned with Rick and Luke what when the angels touch me with their charges in me the room lights up and the fully bond.

Balthazar snickers and takes a seat. "Upstairs giving the terrible duo a lecture about what they did to Gabe last night." Good, they listen to their Uncle Gabe a hell of a lot better than they listen to me.

Like everyone morning there is a knock at the back door then and Sammy comes in with Gabby and their two boys Alex and Daniel. Dan is Rick's and Luke's age and he's just the sweetest kid. He never causes any messes or problems unlike his brother Alex which is so like Rick and Luke that we have to keep them separated. The boy loves to make a mess and recently has become a bit of a pyro. If John didn't put out a fire a few weeks ago Alex would have burnt down Sam and Gabby's house.

"You still taking John to school today?" I ask Sam has they all take a seat. I am so glad that Cas and Eve got me a HUGE dining table when Bobby and Jody got us this house.

"Yep, I am subbing in his class today so we are even going to the same place. I will bring him home after school since him and Alex have ball practice."

"Thank you so much." I say to him over my shoulder. I finish their food and put it down in front of them. Some people in town think we are a strange family. We do everything together. We eat together, we put our money together, we pay our bills together, we are basically some perfect hippie communist commune but we couldn't imagine doing it any other way. It works for us.

There is another knock at the door. That should be my last visitor of the morning. John gets up and runs to the door and greets Anachel, or should I say Annie, and her parents. "Annie!" John says happily has they come bolting through the door and run to the table together. They are so close. I am very happy that John has her. Anachel's "parents" are devote Christians and have started to realize that something is different with their daughter and John. We will need to sit them down and have a big talk with them some day but for now everything is still alright.

Clarissa, Annie's mom, comes in and I give her a cup of coffee. She looks over at the mad house that is my kitchen every morning and shakes her head. "I don't know how you do it Lara." She says with a smile.

I shrug my shoulders. "I love it." I respond. "Well thanks for taking her in today. I have the car pool tomorrow. Just please don't let Alex bring any more smoke bombs in the car. I still don't have the smell out."

Gabby looks up at Clarissa and starts to blush. "I am so sorry Clarissa. If I knew he had them with him I would never have let him leave the house. He is just so sneaky sometimes." She says swatting at her son to sit still and eat.

Clarissa waves it off and heads out the door. Just as quickly as the house gets full it empties again. Sam takes Alex, John, and Anachel to school. Gabby takes Dan home. Ben takes Gabe and Cole to preschool and it's just Dean and I left.

I crash on the couch and he sits down next to me pulling me into him. "I still have 20 minutes before I have to go to work." He says kissing my neck. I moan and lean into him.

Just then Gabriel comes bounding down the stairs with Luke and Rick trailing behind him. "I have a few hours this morning. I am going to take them out and work off some of this energy." He's so busy running heaven but he always makes sure to make at least a few minutes every day for the twins and the rest of the family.

"Please take them!" I say with a laugh. Rick and Luke come over and crawl on me and give me big sloppy kisses. "Bye mommy we love you!" They both say in unison. Then they crawl onto Dean and they all rough house for a minute. Gabriel picks them up and they are out the door in a flash. They love the days that their favorite Uncle comes to take them out. I take a moment and I grab Dean. "Do you hear that?" I ask him.

He listens and gives me a confused look. "Hear what?"

"Exactly!" I say jumping up and straddling him on the couch. I lean down and capture his lips. "When is the last time we were alone?" I ask him.

"Well 4 hours ago when I woke you up for a quickie." He says with a smirk. I hit his arm and go back to kissing him. "That doesn't count because the entire upstairs was filled with kids and we had to stay quiet."

Dean stands up and I wrap my legs around his waist and he carries me up the stairs. "We don't have to be quiet now." He says seductively into my mouth.

"I like the way you think Mr. Winchester."

"I like the way you scream Mrs. Winchester." We get up stairs and he throws me down on the bed and starts to remove my pajama pants and lift up his tshirt that I slept in last night. He takes a moment to kiss the scars on my stomach. "You know you will probably need to get another c section with Daphne." He says into my stomach.

I had never seen Dean so scared as when they had to take me into the operating room when I was in labor with Rick and Luke. He almost punched a doctor in the face who wasn't going to let him and Gabriel come in. Dean insisted that at least one of the stooges came in to the operating room in case there were complications on the table and Gabriel was Rick and Luke's guardian. Cole and Gabe came out surprising easily but Luke and Rick were all shades of messed up. They never do anything easy not even coming out. The doctors told us that we would need to have another c section if we ever had more kids. They figured we were done since we had 5 and Ben we would stop but I promised Balthazar one more. Quite frankly it's a miracle we only have 5 so far! We have sex at least once a day… sometimes more... and I know that is not normal in most marriages and we never use any form of birth control.

"I know but we know what to expect this time." I tell him. He leaves a trail up my chest and kisses me. "Trying to get it all in before I bloat up like a big fat whale again?" I ask him.

He laughs and kisses me again. "You know you are still gorgeous when you are pregnant."

I let out a huff. "I am huge when I am pregnant! I make Shamu looks skinny!" I yell at him has he kisses my neck and moves to nibble on my ear.

"You were pregnant with twins, twice, and you know damn well you didn't gain a pound anywhere but your stomach and you were the envy of every pregnant woman in this town including Gabby. And you know damn well that I have a total pregnancy fetish when you are knocked up with my kids and I can't keep my hands off you. Which reminds me, I only got 15 more minutes so less talking more fucking." That's my husband, a man of many words.

I laugh and get him just has naked has me in no time. With three minutes to spare we are both spent and breathing heavily. I start to move and Dean reluctantly pulls out of me and gets redressed for work. "So when are you going to tell Balthazar?" Dean asks me.

I slip a robe on and head to the bathroom ready to take a shower. "I'll tell him when the time is right. I just want us to enjoy the news for a bit. I'm really excited to finally be having my little girl." With our big family we rarely get to enjoy something just the two of us and I want to savor it a bit longer.

"You're excited? I'm scared out of my mind. I know what boys think of girls and I am going to be hitting guys back with sticks to keep my baby safe! I don't want them to do any of the stuff to her that I did to women and definitely none of the stuff I do with you!" Dean says with a shudder.

I walk back and grab Dean's pant's loops and drag him into the bathroom. "Tell me again about all the stuff that you don't want men doing to our daughter that you do to me?" I ask him sliding my robe off my shoulders and pulling him into the shower.

"Babe, I got work." He whines to me but starts to kick off his jeans regardless. I smile at him and turn the water on. "Tell Bobby your car wouldn't start. It's not every day that we get the house to ourselves." I say into his ear has I pull him with me against the wall and I jump up and wrap my legs around his waist putting him back in me. I moan and throw my head back against the wall and I know I won this round.

"Yeah, I'll tell Bobby that my car broke down. Sounds like a great excuse from a mechanic." He mutters has he starts to move in and out of me pushing me harder against the wall.

Two hours later, and the bedroom, bathroom, the stairs, living room, and kitchen later Dean manages to get out of the house and I finally get to start the things I needed to get done. He kept trying to leave and every time we made it a little further down the house but I kept convincing him to stay. I can't help but blush at the memories.

I get the house picked up and start the first load of laundry. I look down at my watch and it's time to pick up Gabe and Cole. Their preschool is done for the day. I know I can leave them there longer for day care but I like my boys at home with me. Gabe is just so smart. It's not that Cole isn't smart it's just that Gabe is like Sammy smart. I am probably going to need to let him skip a grade but I don't want to separate he boys. They are so close. It's a twin thing. They are just so close that I don't want to make one graduate before the other. I shouldn't be so worried about that but I am.

I grab my cell phone and my purse. Gabriel! I write a quick note for him so he knows I'll be back.

_**Uncle Gabe,**_

_** I gotta run get the Gabe and Cole then I need to go to the grocery store. If you can't stay with them take them to Gabby's and I'll be home soon. **_

_**Love,**_

_**Lara**_

He'll take them over. Gabby will take care of them before I get there. Shouldn't be a problem. I head out and make sure that all the car seats are in my car. I know they are but I like to make sure. There are few extras in Dean's car but I like to know it's safe for my boys. It makes me smile every time I think of them all, my boys. My wonderful and sexy husband and my awesome sons. I can't help but rub my stomach. Daphne is in there. I am going to have a little girl and we're going to add another girl into the mix. I am so excited to meet her.

"What the fuck?" I slam on the brakes. "What do you want?" I yell through the window.

"You!" A hand crashes through my window and it all goes black.

a/n so what did you think? Who do you think has her? I hate do this but I will post something faster with an incentive of reviews.


	85. Chapter 85

Deans' POV

"Dammit Bobby! Are you going to get the fucking phone?" I yell while I am under a car. Why isn't he answering the phone? It's been ringing for what feels like an hour!

"Get off your high horse boy! I am getting it you idjit. Not like you didn't completely fuck me over this morning when you were two hours late for work. Car wouldn't start my ass… more like your wife wouldn't start." He says muttering under his breath while he answers the phone. "Hello Singer Winchester garage how can I help you?" Bobby asks.

He's just mad that he didn't get some from Jody today. I know for a fact from Gabby that Jody has been working a lot of hours lately. Gabby got a job has a cop with Jody and at first I thought it was a bad idea but she is good at it, and her and Jody work really well together. It also helps to have another in at the police station. They use her benefits to take care of her part of family. That works out so that Sammy can keep subbing at the school so he can get off when he needs to go on a hunt with me. We try to keep the hunts to minimum now that we have kids and wives but we do take the occasional job still. Just like the one we just took that got me back early this morning.

"Dean, phone is for you. It's the boys' preschool." I move out from under the hood and wipe my hands off on my cover alls. I wonder why Gabe and Cole's school is calling? They usually don't cause any problems and usually they call Lara for problems anyways because she has her cell phone attached at her hip with all the kids we got running around. Can't help but smirk at that. I can't stop touching her and she's really fertile. I'm pretty sure I'm one of the few married men that get with their wife at least once a day.

I grab the phone. "Dean here. How can I help you?"

"Mr. Winchester we were wondering if there is a reason that no one has come to pick the kids up. We always tell Mrs. Winchester that she can leave the boys here for day care if she wants the afternoon off but she never takes us up on it. We just want to make sure everything is alright and Mrs. Winchester didn't pick up her phone." The woman explains to me.

Bobby looks at me expecting an answer but I shrug my shoulders at him. "Lara was planning on picking up the kids. I'll be right over to get them."

"It's no trouble Mr. Winchester. We love to have them we just want to make sure everything is alright." I am a bit worried right now, Lara always answers her phone.

"Thanks, I or one of my family will be by soon to pick them up. Thanks for calling again." And I hang up. They preschool has everyone in the family on file to pick them up. We are an all for one kind of family. Some people think it is weird but it works for us. We have one big shared family bank account (should seen the look on the guys face at the bank we asked for one big account and 6 debit cards), we are the one of the only families that still has one big family dinner every night and actually we do breakfast too, and we also have a big family meetings once a week to sync our schedules. With how Sammy and I were raised we were ridiculously close hell I raised the boy and Lara never had a childhood at all. The family just works and one fact that the entire family knows is that Lara will answer her phone day or night even if she is in the bathroom in case someone in the family needs her. It's not good that she didn't pick up.

"Bobby I got to go. Lara didn't pick up her phone and the boys are still at preschool. I am a bit worried. I am gonna call one of the stooges to pick them up and I am going to go home and make sure she's alright." Maybe she's just sick. She always gets really bad morning sickness when she is pregnant. The first trimester is hell on her body. She is one of the few pregnant women that can actually lose weight when she's pregnant. She is probably just sick, that's it. There was that one time when she was pregnant with Rick and Luke that she couldn't pick John up at preschool because she was so sick. But even then she managed to call me and I got him.

I grab my phone and dial Cas. He picks up right away. "Cas I need you and Eve to head over and pick up Cole and Gabe at preschool. Lara didn't get them and they can't get ahold of her. I am going to run home and make sure that she's alright. Just get them and meet us back home."

"Not a problem. I will go get them. Is it ok if I bring them home via Angel Air?" Cas is finally getting a sense of humor. I can't help but laugh. "Yea that is fine just make sure that no one sees you this time!" I say and I hang up the phone. Don't need him erasing the memories of everyone in the preschool again.

I keep trying to dial Lara's phone but she doesn't pick up. She should be well enough now to answer the phone. I pull up to the house and her SUV isn't in the driveway. This isn't good. I run to the house and front door is locked. I pull my keys out and open the door. "Lara? Lara? You home?" I yell into the house. There isn't any answer. Luke and Rick aren't home either.

I run out the back sliding door and run to Sammy and Gabby's house. I knock on their door and enter. Gabby is in the kitchen with Dan, Luke, and Rick and she's making them a snack. They all look up and Rick and Luke jump up and grab on to my legs. "Daddy!" They both squeal out in joy.

"Oh hey Dean. What brings you about here so early?" Gabby asks me.

"Have you seen or heard from Lara? The boys' preschool called and she didn't pick them up." The boys are all over me and I lean down and ruffle their hair. I love being a dad. It's one of the few things in life that I know is just right. Being a dad, being a husband, it's what I was meant to be. I still hunt, and I am great at it, but this is me. The me I always wanted to be.

"I haven't seen or heard from her since this morning. Gabriel came by and left them with me until Lara came back home. She left a note that she was going to the grocery store for him. I guess it's been a while but she probably needed to do something else." Gabby is acting like she is calm but she knows something is wrong.

"Gabby when is the last time that Lara didn't answer her phone?"

Gabby lowers her eyes and starts to bite her lower lip. "Maybe she went to get a massage? I mean Sammy and I gave her one of those certificates for Christmas and I know she hasn't used it yet."

I shake my head no. "She would have told me that this morning and I was with her a few extra hours. And you know she would have added that to the note." I can feel fear taking over my stomach. I want to throw up.

Gabby looks back at the kids and at me and nods to go to the other room. I kiss the boys head and pull them off me putting them on the chairs and I follow Gabby in to the living room. "I am going to call Sam and have him bring John and Alex home. We will figure this out." Something is wrong I can feel it. I fall down in their couch and throw my head back. Please God don't let anything happen to Lara.

Gabby runs into the kitchen and I hear her pick up the phone. Rick and Luke run into the living room and they jump up on my lap. Moments later Cas and Eve appear in the living room with Gabe and Cole and they run up to me and pile on. I feel a bit better having my boys with me. At least I know they are ok. Gabby comes back in with Dan on her hip. "Sammy is on his way with John and Alex." Thank God that John is going to be home soon. I need them all with me. Maybe I should call Ben too. If I can just see that all my boys are alright I will be fine.

I grab my phone and text Ben. _**Come home now. Your mom is missing. I'll call your school and tell them you need to leave.**_ I then call the high school and tell them to let Ben out. 10 minutes later I have my whole family in the room with me. Rick, Luke, Gabe, and Cole are all piled over me, John is sitting on the floor with Anachel in front of me, Ben is pacing the room, and Sammy, Gabby, Alex, Dan, Bobby, Jody, Gabriel, Castiel, Eve, and Balthazar are all here. I still can't believe I consider the stooges and Eve has my family. "Can you guys find her?" I ask the stooges.

They all shake their heads no. "You know we can't see her. We hid her. I actually don't even feel her." Gabriel says to me nervously. I lower my head and bring my hands to cover it. I can't freak out in front of my boys.

John grabs my hand. "Daddy?" I look at him and grab his hand and pull him to me. "Where is mommy?" How do I answer that?

I look at Sammy and he looks just has overwhelmed and confused has me. I look back John. "Mommy is fine. Don't you worry. I am going to have you stay with your Aunt Gabby for a while and I am going to go out and check on her." Why do I feel like I am lying to him? I need to find Lara and bring her home. Oh god. What if something happened to Daphne and she's in the hospital.

"Balthazar, please check the hospitals. Make sure nothing happened." Balthazar nods at me and disappears. I grab the boys and bring them all around me. "Guys I want you to all stay here with Aunt Gabby and Ben." They all smile at me but John. None of them realize how serious this is.

I nod at Sammy, Gabriel, Cas, and Eve and they all follow me out of the living room. We head back to my house and we all gather around the dining room table. "Ok guys. We need to find her." I grab a map of the town and start to segment it in 5 sections. "We all cover our area and call me if you find anything. I want her home by tonight." I am about to lose it. I need her home.

We all take off and I dissect my area. I check every side street and every alley. Every drive way and every building. She has to be somewhere. She would never take off. Just a few hours ago I was with her. Where the hell could she have gone? I haven't heard from anyone else which means they haven't found her yet. I keep trying her cell phone and nothing.

I feel a change in the pressure and whip around and I see Gabriel. "I need you to come with me." He says without emotion. He grabs my shoulder and we fly. When we stop were at Lara's car. Cas and Eve are already here. I run to the car and the front door is open and the window is smashed. "Where is she?" I yell at them about ready to have a full on panic attack.

Cas puts a hand on my shoulder. "We just found the car like this. Dean…it smells…Dean… I think it was a…" Why can't he finish his thought?

"It was what Cas? Tell me dammit!" I yell at him searching through her SUV. Oh my god is that blood?

"Dean it smells demonic. I think a demon did this." Cas says softly. I fall down on my knees I can feel the tears building. Winchester's don't cry Dean! Stop it! God she's gone. Demons got her. The world seems like it's spinning. Demons got my Lara, my perfect Lara. Oh god she's pregnant.

"Dean it's alright we will find her." Eve says to me reassuringly. She tries to pick me up but I can't stand. They zap me back home and I manage to stand and I run up the stairs past them to our room. I was just with her in here a few hours ago. It still smells like her. I can't do this. I got used to her. I've had her with me for over 6 years now. They can't just take her away from me now. Fucking Winchester curse. All our women die. I knew that when I asked her to marry me and I got careless. I thought we were safe. I did this to her.

I can hear the boys coming in downstairs. Oh god what do I tell them? How do I tell them that their mommy has disappeared and was taken by demons. "Dean?" I hear Cas ask me. He and Eve are in the room with me. "Dean your kids are downstairs. You should go down and be with them." He says quietly.

"I have to go find her Cas."

He shakes his head no. "No Dean, you need to go downstairs and be strong for your boys. You got 5 little boys down there and a teenager who are scared and want their mom. You are going to go down there and be the awesome dad that you are. Eve, Gabriel, Balthazar and I will search for her."

"I can't Cas. I can't do it without her." I can feel myself breaking. I can't start crying and lose myself now.

Cas grabs my shoulders and shakes me. "You can and you will. Go downstairs and be the dad I know you are. We will find her and we will bring her home."

I look up at Cas and grab his shoulders. "Cas she is pregnant. We found out a few days ago." Cas clenches his jaw and nods at me once. "Your sons need you now. I will find your girls and bring them home."

I don't know how I move but I do. Well I guess I do know how I move; Cas practically grabs me and pulls me down the stairs. "DADDY!" My five little guys say has I come down the stairs. John runs to me and grabs my leg. I look down and ruffle his hair. He looks up at me and I can tell he is scared. "Where is mommy?" He asks.

I look up at Cas. What do I say? Cas looks at John and smiles. "Mommy is on a vacation and will be home soon."

John doesn't seem to buy it but the other four do. They are too young to know better. I catch Ben's eyes and he knows that it's a lie too. "I want to help find mommy." John says staunchly.

Cas gets on his knees and looks John in eyes. "For right now we are going to get your mommy. If I need your help I will ask you. Thank you for your offer." John hugs Cas and whispers something in his ear that I can't hear.

The angels and Eve talk about their game plan but they keep me out of it. It sucks to be kept out of the plan because I want in. This is my wife and my daughter they are talking about. I manage to get all the kids washed and ready for bed. Thank god Gabby and Jody came over to help me get them ready. Ben can take care of himself and he lives downstairs now. We recently moved John downstairs has well and moved the small office out of that room and moved it into the play room downstairs. Lara really wants Daphne to have her own room since she is the only girl. She didn't know she was pregnant when we did it but she has been praying for the news for a long time. Ben helped get John ready for bed. Gabe and Cole brushed their teeth and took their bath and went to bed easily. I had to make sure Captain Fuzzy was ready for bed too. I still can't believe that Sammy was able to find Gabe a Captain Fuzzy. Rick and Luke on the other hand… they needed some coaxing. They kept crying that they wanted their mommy to read them a story. I kept trying to read them a story but it took me three to find the one they wanted. In the end my king sized bed was filled with Rick and Luke and about an hour later Gabe and Cole joined me then about an hour after that John joined us. I have all my boys with me and I need them but I feel alone without Lara.

a/n thanks for all your reviews last chapter! Definitely helped me post faster! Have a good weekend!


	86. Chapter 86

Lara's POV

Where am I? I feel so groggy. What happened? I try to move my head but it hurts. I try to move my hands up to my head but I can't. They are pinned down. Oh my god my body can't move. My legs, my arms, why can't they move?

I slowly open my eyes and try to look around. I try to look down and I can see my just the tops of my breasts. What the hell why can't I move my head? "Dean?" I call out. Please answer me.

"Not quite darling." Oh god not him. "What do you want Crowley." I say to him trying to sound menacing. How did he get me?

He starts to laugh. "Oh darling I just want you. I need your body to open purgatory darling in case you forgot." If he thinks he can take over me he will be sorely mistaken. I have been working with Uncle Gabe, Cas, and Balthazar on expelling possession for years now. Nothing can take over me.

"Crowley, if you are smart you will let me go. If you let me go now I will tell my husband not to go after you. But if you don't let me go I will watch has my husband tares you to pieces and kills you." He should know better. He knows that Dean is unstoppable.

"Darling your husband will not find you. This location is completely secure. Nothing can see you or find you. Not angels or man." Stupid man, my son is Christ. He will be able to find me. "And even if they do find you by the time they do I will be so entrenched in your body they will not be able to kill me without hurting you."

"He will find me and you know it!" I yell at him.

He starts to laugh again and his demonic essence leaves his body. I can see it hovering over me. He wants in. He tries to get in and I focus all my energy on keeping him out. I won't let him. He keeps at me. He keeps trying to break in and I keep fighting it. This is nothing. I have kept angels out and Gabriel is running heaven now. I can keep anything out of me.

I don't know how long he tries but he finally stops and gets back into his body. "Interesting. You have learned new tricks. And is that a baby I sense in you?"

I try to move my hand over my stomach. He mentioned my child. I will not let him even think about my child. "Don't mention her!" I yell at him.

"Oh her? Your child is a her? Interesting. Maybe you should think about what will happen to her if you don't do what I say." He did not just threaten my baby. I will destroy him for that. "You hurt her I will kill you myself."

"Oh honey, I don't want to hurt you or your baby. Just surrender and I will make sure your baby is delivered safely and sent back to her father. I just need your body to hold the power. I promise you I will be nice to your body and keep your daughter safe. Just do what I want and nothing bad will happen." God I want to believe him. He sounds so honest but he's a demon I know better than that. He will betray me. He turns around and starts to leave.

"Please let me go." I yell at him. He turns around and smiles at me. "Not going to happen." He says has he leaves. I try to move my hands. I just want to touch my baby. I promise I will fix this Daphne.

* undetermined amount of time*

I don't know how long I have been here. I can kind of tell time by my stomach. It is slightly swollen so I know I've been here a month or two at least. Maybe its been longer since I haven't been able to eat enough to allow her to grow like she should be. I still have the occasional bought of morning sickness which might be from the torture I am going through more than my baby.

There is always a demon watching me. Whenever I am about to throw up it knows and flips the table up so I don't suffocate on my own vomit. I have looked over every inch of this space and there is no windows, no clocks, no way to tell time. The room is maybe 16 by 16 feet. It cinderblocks on three walls and large steel doors that slide open on the fourth. It only opens when the demons come in and out. I don't know how often I eat. They bring me food sometimes. It's not much and it's not great but it's enough to feed my baby. I need to stay strong for her. Every moment that I don't feel blood trickling down my inner thigh I can breathe a bit easier. Daphne hasn't miscarried. She is a strong and a fighter and she's going to hang on with me through this.

Crowley tries to break into me all the time. He spends hours trying to break into me at any given time. He tries to mentally and physically break me down but I can't succumb. Not yet, not while I am still pregnant. I have to just last long enough for her to be born. At that point I can negotiate with him to take her back to Dean and I'll give up. All the training the angels have put me through has not prepared me for this. I am getting tired and weak. I used to be able to keep him out of me completely but now he is able to get in just a bit before I push him out, but I cannot allow him in. If he gets in he will be one with my body and my daughter. I will not let that happen.

Sometimes they remove the leather straps on the table that hold my arms, legs, and torso down. I fall forward and normally collapse on the ground until I regain the use of my limbs. They are probably beginning to atrophy which is just part of the torture. Every time they let me down it takes longer to regain control of them. The usually throw me a bucket of water and a wash rag and allow me to bathe. I am covered in blood and vomit, all of it mine. Before they tie me back up I rub my abdomen trying to say sorry to my daughter. My clothes were taken from me. I guess it's part of their plan to break me down. All I have left is my bra and panties which are covered in my bodily fluid.

I've given up on the hope that Dean will find me. I can see the insignias all over the room to block the view of angels and god only knows what else. It's best though. I want him to stay at home with the kids. He can't be out looking for me and taking care of them at the same time. I can't hear anything around me that would even give me a hint as to where I am. I could be a in a city or I could be in an underground bunker. I don't even know if I am in the States anymore.

My body gives up and forces me into unconsciousness. Luckily Crowley has not been able to take over my body while I've been asleep. Some of the dreams are just horrible memories of everything I went through while I was in the body farm. Some of the dreams are wonderful memories of Dean and the kids. I can almost feel him next to me in bed. Then I start to wake up and I remember where I am. I'm nowhere.

"Good day darling. Are you ready to let me in yet?" Crowley asks me cheerfully from the large steel doors that he is sliding open and shut. I look over at him and try to stand my ground. "Not today Crowley. Take me up on my offer."

He is always laughing. What the hell is so funny? "Oh darling do you really think I am going to trust a deal with you again? "

I try to shake my head but it's strapped down. "You should, I am pregnant and I will do anything to keep my daughter safe. Please just allow me to go through my pregnancy in peace then give Dean our daughter and I will give you my body without a fight."

"No deal darling. Even if I was willing to trust you again I need your body before then. There are a lot of things that need to be lined up and they are all aligned before you would give birth. I promised you that I will not hurt your baby and I will let your body give birth and I will send her back to your husband. That is as good of a deal has you are going to get."

"It's not a deal at all! There is no guarantee that my body will even be able to hold all those souls and if it does it might kill her. I can't risk her. If it was just me I would allow you do whatever you wanted. But Crowley I swear to God if you try to get her out of me I will kill us both while you are in me and you know I can do it." He believes me on that. He knows that if he does anything to hurt my baby in me I will find a way to destroy him. "Why do you need to do this anyways? You already have hell what else could you want?"

He raises his eyes brows at me and leans over my trapped body on the table. I hate the way he smells. He smells like all demons, like rotting flesh. By some miracle his vessel isn't dead yet. When he pulls out of it to try and get into me he slumps on the floor and one of his lackeys tie him up until Crowley gives up on me. "I want to keep hell. There is still a faction of demons who want Lucifer free. They are constantly trying to get him out. If I get those souls I can kill Lucifer once and for all and be done with it. There will be no one left to try and take my throne. If you were smart you would work with me on this. Lucifer not getting out and restarting the apocalypse should be something you want, you know having the Christ child and all."

The body slumps to the floor and the black smoke that is him leaves his vessel and starts its assault on my body. I keep focused on keeping him out. It's the only thing I can think about.

He's done. He wasn't able to make it in. I take this time to go focus on what is important. I may not be able to move my limbs but I can feel it. My left hand has my engagement ring and my wedding ring. I can feel it there, reminding me of Dean. It makes me want to smile but there is nothing to smile about right now.

My wrist has my charm bracelet. I remember what each charm means. I have to remember it's the only way to keep myself sane. I have a Space Needle from my first vacation when Dean and I went to Seattle. Was the almost 8 years ago now. Wow I've been with Dean for almost 8 years. The seashell charm for our second vacation with Sammy and Gabby. Sam and Gabby got engaged on that trip. I have my car charm from the time that Dean taught me how to drive when we left New Mexico. There is my flower from the first flowers I ever got. We were at Pike's market and Dean got them for me after he gave me the dandelions. I have my graduation cap from when I got my GED. I was pregnant with John then. The Eiffel Tower from our much delayed honeymoon, even if Raphael did put a slight damper on it. The little rattle that Dean got me for giving birth. He eventually got me charms of the birth stones for each of the months that our children were born. He finally got me the whisk that he joked he would get me. He gave it to me for Christmas a few years ago now I guess. I have a charm that says MOM that the boys got me for mother's day last year. It's one of my favorites. For our anniversary this year Dean got me a charm of an engagement ring. It's my life on my wrist. The best way to remember where I have been and where I am now. I've gotten soft. I've had almost nine years of freedom. 9 years of unadulterated happiness and love. These have been the best years of my life and Crowley is trying to take it all from me. Dean and I have worked so hard at making our life what it is and he wants to destroy it. I can't allow him to do that.

Focus more Lara. You need to focus on the good to stay strong. I can't see it unless I untied but I know I have my tattoo on my hip. It's a heart with a lock in it and Dean's name tattooed above it. We got coordinating tattoos for our anniversary a few years ago. I have earrings in. I put my favorite pair in the day I was taken. Gabe and Cole got me a pair of earrings for my birthday. They are small studs with red hearts in them. They are kind of gaudy but they remind me of my boys so I love them. I'm wearing my favorite necklace too. For our anniversary a few years go Dean got me a necklace. It's a white gold key with small diamonds in it. He doesn't do chick flick moments but he did that night. He told me that it was the key to his heart and that I was the only person to ever have it. He then turned bright red and told me never to tell anyone he said that. It was so sweet and I definitely made it up to him that he had to embarrass himself and I haven't taken it off since. I love him so much. I miss him so much. I doubt I will ever see him again. I am not going to make it out of here with my mind and body intact.

My kids, I'll never see them again. I know Dean will take good care of them. He is a great dad. He blushes and avoids the subject anytime I bring it up but he knows that he is an amazing father. He will keep them safe and make sure they grow up in a loving household. There is no way for him to hunt on the road with the five little ones even if Ben helped him. He will have to stay home with them until they are older. But who will take care of Dean? I have been taking care of him for years now. I make sure his laundry is done, he has three good meals a day, that he's happy, and most importantly that he is loved. He would never admit it but he did have some issues with accepting love and I finally broke him of that like he did for me. I wonder if he will meet someone else. If in 10 years there will be another woman in my bed moaning his name at night has he makes love to her. Will she kiss the tattoo he has on his shoulder? Will she ask him who Lara was and why I am tattooed on his body? Maybe she will demand he changes it to her name. Will she hold my sons like I hold Ben and they will call her mom. If Daphne survives this she will never know me. She will only know that woman. She would be Daphne's mother not me. It kills me to think of him moving on but if Crowley takes over me and I never make it home I don't want him to be alone either. He deserves to be happy.

The demon that was watching me is being switched for a new one. He will sit here until a new demon comes to relieve him. They don't talk to me. They just sit there and make sure I don't die before Crowley can get into me. I need to keep my mind active and remind myself why I am fighting. I am fighting for Daphne. I am fighting for my boys. I am fighting for Dean. Another demon comes in. He's a specialist of sorts. I used to be great with pain. It didn't bother me, but nine years made me soft. I started to feel it again. He puts out his tools and brings the knife to my arms. He never touches my stomach. I assume that Crowley told him I was pregnant and not to hurt the child but I don't know. The demons think they can torture me into summiting but I find a way to lose myself. I go to a good memory. I send myself there in my mind and ignore what is happening to my body. It's the only way to survive this. I feel the knife being dragged down my arm. It's time to leave.

_The suitcases are packed and thrown in the back of the impala. Dean just got back last night from a hunt in time for our anniversary. He had been gone for three weeks. Three weeks that felt like an eternity. I hate when he has to go but I am so proud of him too. He saves lives. Neither of us sleeps well without the other but we've found ways to cope. There is no way for me to go with him on his hunts. Not with John, Gabe, Cole, and Ben. It would be chaos and to risky. I keep alarms set to go off every two hours and they tend to wake me up before I get to deep into a bad dream. It's not as good as Dean nudging me awake and holding me but it is a decent compromise. If the alarm is a bit late at getting me I can roll over and see my sleeping children and it helps ground me. I always have my babies sleep with me when Dean is gone. I don't feel safe letting them sleep in their rooms without him here. I'll go through my charms and just remember how far we have come. Dean hates to admit that his dreams bother him but Sammy is able to wake him up if it gets bad._

_ "Dean you ready?" I yell up the stairs. I have been cooking the last three days and freezing meals. I just have to finish putting this one in the freezer. Cas and Eve are going to watch the boys while Dean and I go on our first solo vacation since Seattle. We wanted to do something just the two of us for our five year anniversary. I still can't believe it's been five years since we got married with Raphael forcing us. But we are so happy. _

_ I hear him running down the stairs and he grabs me from behind and wraps his arms around my waist pulling me into him. "I just needed to put the finishing touches on your present. I am ready to go now. The kids are all down for their naps and Cas and Eve are ready to take over. Ready for a four days of no phone, no tv, and no internet?" _

_ I relax into him, letting my muscles turn into goo. We decided to do something kind of crazy for our anniversary and we are going to Yellowstone. Neither of us had ever been there for a hunt or any of my missions. We didn't want to go anywhere that either of us had been and had a bad memory of. We are staying at the main lodge for four days but we have to move from the original part to the new part for two of them. There isn't going to be any distractions just us. There are some beautiful things that we can see while we are there but I don't think either of us plan on leaving the room. "So what did you get me?"_

_ "I can't tell you or it won't be a surprise!" He says with a laugh. I turn my head around and kiss him. "You should like most of my presents since I'll be wearing most of them." I say with a smirk._

_ Dean nuzzles into my neck and kisses it. "That is my favorite kind." He mutters. I did get him a real gift but Gabby and I went shopping last week just for this trip. I wanted to look extra special. He's going to laugh at his actual present but I think it's kind of clever. It's a coupon book and one of them is me washing and detailing his car in a bikini of his choosing. It's silly but I know he'll like it. And I have reservations for us to a get a tattoo together when we get back. I have a couple designed planned but I want him to pick it. The one I like is a heart that has a lock on it and his name above it and for him my name and a key. _

_ I put the last of the meals in the freezer and go over directions with Cas one last time. We hit the road and I roll down the window just enjoying the breeze. We've been driving most of the afternoon and into the evening. We plan on staying at a hotel on the way down and back. Then it hits me. Somehow we have never had sex in the car before. We have done it practically everywhere else but not the impala. How is that even possible? This car is practically home to him and we have never hooked up in it. That is something I can change tonight. I lean over the seat and start to kiss the side of his face and neck. He moans a bit but continues to drive. I move my hands down to his jeans and I unbutton them. He tries to turn his face towards me but I push it back to focus on the road. I pull the zipper down and move my hand down beneath the band of his boxer and caress his dick. "Lara." He moans out. I plan on him saying that a few more times tonight. There are certain sexual things that I still have some issues with and I plan on putting a stop to at least one of them tonight. I pull him out of his boxer and I lower my head to take him into my mouth. He lets out a surprised gasp. "You sure Lara?" He asks me. I know he wants this but he loves me enough to make sure I can do this. We have had a few incidents in the past where something we do triggers some horrible memory and he has to bring me out of it. The first time I snapped it was horrible. We were making our first attempt at doing it doggie style. The lights were off and when I turned around I couldn't see him. I freaked and reverted back to a similar moment in a sleazy hotel room. I panicked and got away from him and curled up in a ball in our bedroom. Dean couldn't figure out what happened and jumped down to sit with me. The moment he touched me I started screaming again. He quickly turned on the light and once I could see him I started to get better. It took him a while to calm me down. We found that if I can see him it can help me from losing my grip with reality. This won't be my first attempt at giving him a blow job but I am going to try to make it the first successful attempt. I look up at him and smile. "I'm positive."_

_ Dean tries to drive but he gives up and pulls over on the side of the road. I reach my hand over and I put the seat back giving me more room. He grabs the back of my head and intertwines his fingers in my hair. He continues to moan and I know he is about to cum. In the past this part disgusted me, but this is my Dean. It's not some random man who just sold his soul for a night with me. This is my soul mate and I have no problem accepting everything his body has to offer. He moans my name one last night and explodes in my mouth. I don't flinch like I was afraid I would. I swallow it and push myself up leaning back on the window on the passenger side of the seat. It takes him a minute but he manages to turn his head to look at me. He grabs my hand and brings it to his lips and he kisses the knuckles. _

_ I smile at him and I crawl over the seat to the back and start to take off my clothes. "Care to join me Dean?" I ask him slyly. It doesn't take him long to bring his seat back up and jump out of the car and join me in the back. He throws his shirt off and kicks his jeans and boxers off and crawls over me in the backseat. "Is this my present?" He asks me with a smirk._

_ "Nope, this is just something I wanted to do with you." I spread by legs allowing him to slide in between them so we can fit in the back seat. I know we are on the side of the road and anyone could stop at any moment but I don't care. I want my husband. _

_ I wake up and I'm naked lying on my side pressed up against Dean's naked body. I shiver into him and he reaches down and picks up his jacket and lays it over me. "Do you want to get up and change?" He asks me with a yawn. He should be tired we just went at it three times in the back of his car. _

_ "No, I miss this. We can't just lay in bed naked anymore in case one of the kids comes barging in." It's no unheard of to have one of the kids come into our room with a bad dream or something. We learned our lesson that after we are together we need to get dressed again just in case. I snuggle into him more and we drift off to sleep again. _

I like to think that is the night I conceived Luke and Rick. We found out a bit after we got home that I was pregnant and the timing works out that it could have been that night. It was a special night.

The demon is done with me. I can feel the blood flowing from my arms and my legs. I can hear the blood dripping on the floor beneath me. If they aren't careful they will kill me before I can let him in. Another demon comes in and begins to stitch me up. It's never the same demon who tortures me. I flinch at the needle cutting through my flesh to close some of the deeper wounds. I need to just survive this until Daphne is safely delivered.


	87. Chapter 87

Sinces sam and dean crazy ass wench asked me to update today I figured I would.

Sam's POV  
>I have been through a lot with my brother. I went through my childhood with him which was an interesting experience to say the least. He was still a child trying to raise a baby. He was just a child trying to cope with the death of his mom and the loss of his father. We had a dad but he wasn't around much. I realize now dad did the best he could. I like to think I would have reacted different, better, if Gabriella were to die and I had two boys to take care of but I really don't know if I would have. I never could appreciate what he did until I had children of my own. Dean is doing a better job though. He isn't packing his boys up and making them travel around the US trying to find who took Lara and taking away their childhood and innocence.<p>

I went through dad dying with Dean, and then him finding out that dad sold his soul for him to live. I went through him selling his soul for me. I saw him go from denial to fearful acceptance of his fate. I saw him die. I was there to see the look on his face when the hell hounds ripped into his flesh and claimed his soul. It should have been the most horrific expression I have seen on his face then I was there the first time Lara was taken, and now she is taken again. He looks more dead now than he did the moment he actually did die.

All of that, every horrible thing that has ever happened to Dean in his entire life pales in comparison to what is happening to him right now. I have never seen him so well broken. He looks lifeless. His hair is growing out because he doesn't care. He hasn't shaved for the same reason. When he is with the boys he is a bit better. When he is with them he puts on his daddy face and lets them know they are loved and cared for. The moment they are out of his sight he crumbles. I've actually caught him crying. He's not sobbing or anything but I have come into the kitchen a few times to see tears coming down his face looking at something of hers. He doesn't look like himself anymore. Lara has pictures all over the house and if I look at one of him and then at him now I don't see the same man. He's gone. He's like a walking corpse.

I remember the night we decided to go to the body farm and shut it down. I never knew that one single decision would change everything in our lives. Without that moment I don't know if Dean and I would have ever rebuilt our relationship. Without that moment I would never have seen my brother so sublimely happy that I have to pinch myself to see if I am dreaming sometimes. Without that moment I would never have meet Gabriella and have my wonderful boys. Without that moment my life and Dean's life wouldn't be worth living anymore.

_"You sure about this Dean? I mean the idea just seems crazy. A house where demons keep humans to possess them and wear them around. Are you sure this isn't a joke?" I ask Dean._

_ Dean laughs and takes a quick swig from his flask. He offers me a sip but I refuse, like normal. "Yea Sammy I'm pretty sure. I know it's seems crazy but it seems plausible too. There might be humans in there that needs us."_

_ He definitely has a rescuer complex but I guess all of us hunters do. I don't question him again and we drive to the house that has been marked as a body farm. Who came up with that term anyways? It reminds me to much of that place in Tennessee where the FBI does tests on corpses to help them figure out time and circumstances of death. I guess it's like that though. The demons use it to test humans, how far they can go before they burn out. From the rumors humans don't last too long in them._

_ We exit the car and do a quick equipment check. I have the demon blade and Dean has the colt. We both have a variety of other blades, guns, holy water, and exorcisms on hand. This isn't going to be easy. I actually wonder if we should have called for backup on this. We stay quiet and luckily we can talk with our eyes and body language. _

_ The front door seems too innocent but we have heard the rumors of what happens behind them. Dean quickly paints out a devils trap and we barge in through the door. The battle is tough. There seems to be a never ending barrage of demons coming at us. Luckily we are in a hallway and it's a choke point. No more than two of three of them can attack at once. We are managing to pile up a good amount of bodies. I feel remorse for the humans that house those demons but there is little we can do for them now. _

_ Just has fast as it began it ends. All the demons are dead. I look at Dean and smirk. "That's all they got?"_

_ He laughs at loud and leans against the wall for a moment. "We should check for survivors. Where do you think they keep the humans?"_

_ I shrug my shoulders and we move through the rooms. From the bowels of the house we hear a voice. "HELP ME! PLEASE I AM DOWN HERE! HELP ME!" The voice sounds familiar but there is no way. Ruby is long dead._

_ Dean runs down the stairs and I hear the voice again. "PLEASE SAVE ME! I AM IN CELL SIX!" It's not more than a minute later that I hear Dean yell for me. "Sam get down here. There are people alive down here." _

That was the first time I saw the real Lara. She looked so different than the woman I slept with for two months. Her hair was stringy and greasy. She had on a pair of jeans and tank top that were so old they were just tatters clinging to her skinny body. Her eyes are what scared me the most. They were so wild and scared. I should have known right away that she was going to be the one to break Dean down. He was gentle with her and took over the role comforter and protector. Normally he would pass that job over to me. I know she was petrified of me but it still wasn't Dean's normal M.O. He held her hand the whole way out of the house and even allowed her to clutch on to his arm in the car. I saw him grab her hand every time she did. Then he kept her with us. That should have been my second clue. Normally we would have dropped her off at a hospital and been done with it, but not with Lara. He wanted her with us. The nail in the coffin that I should have been my signal that everything was about to change was when he got two rooms. He never got two rooms. It wasn't until Santa Fe that I knew that Dean loved her but I should have known long before that.

"Sweet heart? Are you alright? You seem like you are million miles away." Gabriella asks me has she winds her arms around my shoulders. I almost forgot what I was doing. I was getting into bed.

I look over at Gabriella and give her a weak smile and lean into kiss her. "Sorry honey I was just thinking about Dean and Lara." I look out my bedroom window and sure enough Dean's light is still on. He hasn't been sleeping much. I know the nightmares are getting to him and the kids are so confused they sleep with him every night.

"I think about them too. I can't stop thinking about Lara. Where did she go? Who got her? She's been gone for three months now and we haven't found a thing." Gabriella and Lara have always been close. I know this hard on her.

I pull myself the rest of the way into the bed and lean back on my pillows. I pull Gabriella over to me and cradle her to my chest. I want to hold her to me and never let her go. I don't know if I could survive her being taken from me. I don't know how Dean does it. "Sam, honey, I am not going anywhere. You're holding me a bit tight." She says softly. I realize I have a vice grip on her and I release it a bit.

"Sorry, I was just distracted. I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you Gabriella." I say with a hint of tears.

She pushes herself up and looks down at me. "You will never have to know what you would do because I am never going anywhere. I love you Sam." She says looking right into my eyes. I wind my hands in her hair and pull her down to my face. I kiss her passionately.

What Dean is going through is unimaginable. Just like it did all of those years ago when she was taken it makes me value having Gabriella with me all the more. I can't take any of this for granted ever again. I need her. "Are the boys asleep?" I ask her.

She shakes her head yes. "Sound asleep Sam." She says with a seductive purr has she moves to straddle me. The thought of losing her drives to me to love her passionately and thoroughly. When we are done she collapses on me and I don't think either of us could move if we had too.

"I love you Gabriella." I whisper into her ear. "I love you too Sam." She says in to my chest.

The next morning I head over to Deans. Bobby and I have forced him to continue to go to work every day to keep his mind off Lara, not that it is doing any good. Gabby has taken time from work, it's a good thing that her boss is practically her mother in law. It's summer so I haven't been needed at school at all. We both stay at home with the boys during the day and different angels rotate through.

We were out of options and we did the responsible thing for once. With Gabby and Jody in the police department we could do it right. The world thinks she's been kidnapped. The police are looking for her, the angels are looking for her, and we even have some of Eve's more trusted children looking for her. Thank god school is done. I don't know how Ben graduated. The whole family has been a mess and I know he's been stressed. Ben is debating calling his new college and asking to push his acceptance back a year. John refused to go back to school so I got the school district to allow me to home school him for the last month of his first grade. He's petrified if he goes to school he'll come back and his daddy will be gone. Gabe and Cole refused to go back to their preschool thinking the same thing. My poor nephews miss their mommy so much. I remember the first time I held John. I promised I would never allow anything bad to happen to him in that moment. I failed that promise miserably.

"Dean, it's me!" I shout into the house has I shut the door behind me. After a few minutes he comes down the stairs looking like death. He didn't sleep much last night and his eyes are bloodshot. He makes a beeline for the coffee maker and I'm glad I had the foresight to start that the moment I came in. I'm also glad that he hasn't resorted to getting black out drunk every day. I know he wants to but he knows that Lara will kill him when she gets home if he gets drunk instead of take care of the boys. I still can't believe my brother, ladies man Dean, has five children with the same woman. I always knew he would have kids someday I just figured it would be to different mothers all over the country.

"Hey Sammy." He says pathetically to me after he takes his first sip. This kitchen is so different. It used to be a bustle of activity and joy. Now it feels dead and sad. Gabriella is working on breakfast at our home and I'll take the boys over to eat in a bit. Dean tries to make them breakfast sometimes but it ends up just being cereal. Gabriella wasn't used to making food like Lara and only does a big homemade breakfast on the weekends.

"Do you need anything?" I ask him.

He shakes his head no. This is much worse than the first time she was taken. The first time she was taken we knew who had her. We knew she was alive. We had a purpose. Now we don't have a clue where she is and we only hope she's alive. Gabriel said her soul hasn't made it to heaven and we have tortured enough demons to know it's not that either. Daphne's soul hasn't returned to heaven either so we know she has to be alive too. Gabriel said all children's souls go to heaven. He reminded us that even Lara's and I child, the anti Christ, went to heaven. The first time she was taken Dean loved her but now is different. She is his wife, the mother of his children, and he's only grown to love her more and more. He's completely lost without her. She gave him purpose and happiness. Without her it's all gone.

"Daddy?" I hear from the stairwell. We both turn our heads and see Luke standing at the bottom of the stairs holding a stuffed Octopus with tears coming down his face.

Dean's face animates, and he runs over to Luke. He slides to him on his knees and pulls Luke to him. "What's wrong buddy? Why are you crying?" The only time he looks even slightly alive is for his boys. We haven't told the boys she was kidnapped we just keep telling them that she is on vacation.

Luke cries into Dean's shoulder and I keep back. Luke just wants his dad right now and Dean needs this. "Me wakey up you were gone. Me think you left me to be with mommy." He sobs out.

Dean continues to comfort his boy. "Luke don't you worry about that. I am not going anywhere. Your mommy is just on a trip remember? She will be back home soon." We haven't had the heart to tell them that mommy might not be coming home.

"Promise?" Luke sniffles. Dean kisses his forehead. "Pinky promise." He replies taking Luke's pinky in his. He picks Luke up and cradles him to his chest. "Let's go up and wake up your brothers. It's time for breakfast and your Aunt Gabby is not doubt making something tasty."

They both go up the stairs and I hear the sound of little feet starting to move around. I feel a pressure change and I turn around to see Balthazar. Everyone has been devastated by this but he is really bad off. He might be the only person who can hold a candle to Dean' feeling of despair. "Good morning Balthazar." I say quietly.

He looks at me and shrugs his shoulders the smell of liquor wafting off of him. I know he feels guilty. One night when he was really drunk he told me everything. He told me how he promised Daphne he would make it right and how he failed. About the temple in heaven for souls and how he was assigned to Daphne and all the time they spend together. He is worried he'll never be able to see his charge and give her the life he promised her. "Are you watching the kids with us today?" The angels still don't know why Lara was taken and they are worried something will come for the boys. So they always have an angelic body guard with them. He shakes his head at me but still doesn't speak. He looks like shit. "You ok?" I ask him knowing it's a stupid question.

Balthazar looks up at me and frowns. "No, and you know that. I lost her. I promised to fix it and I failed. I didn't even get to bind with her." He was a bit bitter with Dean for not letting him know sooner that Lara was pregnant but he knows that it wasn't intentionally hurtful.

The boys start to come down the stairs all dressed. They all look sad too. The whole family is heartbroken. The boys still play but some of that fire that is so unique to children is gone. Their mom was their world and they were hers. She loved being a mom. No Sam she loves being a mom. Don't start giving up hope yet. "Hey guys! You ready to go get some food then head out to the park for the day?" I say trying to sound upbeat. They all give me slight smiles and we head across the yard.

John grabs my hand and pulls on my arm. I look down at him and he has a pleading look on his face. I stay back with him and let Dean and Balthazar take the rest of the boys to my house. I look around and I see Ben running out the door trying to catch up. I let John pull me to the play ground we set up between the two houses a few years ago. I take a seat on one of the swings and he takes a seat next to me. "What's wrong buddy?" I ask him.

John looks at me and I'm taken back. It's rare that I ever look at him and see Christ. He normally looks just like a 6 year old boy. "I think I know something Uncle Sammy and I don't want to upset daddy."

"What do you know buddy? You can tell me anything. You know that right?"

He shakes his head slowly and looks up at the sky for a moment than at the ground. "I've been having dreams and I think they are of mommy. No, I know they are of mommy and where she is. The king of hell has her. I don't know what that means but I know he's the one that took her. She's in a warehouse somewhere. He is trying to hurt her but she's staying strong for Daphne." I try not to look shocked because I don't want to scare him but I am. "Uncle Sammy…I don't think she can make it much longer. I can see she is starting to fail."

I jump off my swing and I knell in front of him. I grab his hands and wait for him to look at me. "John don't you worry about that. Your mom is one of the strongest women I know. If anyone can stay strong it's her. Is it ok if I tell your other Uncles about this? It might help them find her." He shakes his head and jumps off the swing and gives me a tight hug. I hug him back and pat his back. I can feel him crying. "I love you John. It's going to be alright."

John pulls back from me and looks me in the eyes. "It might not be alright." Then he runs into the house before I can catch up to him. The weight of his words weighs on me. It might not be alright.


	88. Chapter 88

Dean's POV

_Today really can't end fast enough. I just want to get home. I left Lara sound asleep this morning. Gabriel agreed to watch John because Lara needed the rest. She's 6 months pregnant with the twins and she needs to relax a bit. I wanted nothing more than to wake her up before I left but she looked so peaceful there asleep._

_ We have been slammed today and I still have to fix this car by tomorrow. The owner is a complete asshole and I can't stand him but I promised it would be done by tomorrow. Bobby finished the other cars and is already at home eating dinner with Jody. I just want to go home myself but I got to finish this stupid fucking car!_

_ The bell to the office rings and I don't bother getting out from under the car. "We're closed for the day. Sorry. We open again tomorrow at 8." I don't hear a response so I assume whoever it is was pissed and left but I don't care. I want to finish this car and get home. Lara has only been back with me for four and half months and I still feel the need to hold her to me just to remind myself she's there. I haven't even been able to go on any hunts because I can't stand the idea of not being able to get to her if I need to. When did I become such a girl?_

_ I'm so lost in my own little world that I don't notice someone is standing next to me until they are right there. I quickly push myself out from under the car ready to attack. I relax immediately when I see it's Lara. "Hey honey, I brought you some food. Bobby called and said you would be working late."_

_ I jump off the ground and stand up next to her. I grab her and kiss her passionately. "Thanks I'm starving." I look down at her bare arms and they are covered in grease. I lick my fingers and try to wipe the grease off of them. "Sorry I didn't mean to get you all dirty."_

_ Lara starts to blush and she puts the food down on the hood of another car. She looks up at me with hooded eyes. "The night that Agareres attacked us and I killed him you were working under your car when I came outside. I remember thinking to myself, I wish he would touch me with those greasy hands." She says with a slight wink._

_ I smile and lean down and kiss her again. "How are you doing today?" I ask looking down at her stomach. Her hands immediately flutter over our children and she smiles. "I am doing great." She then lets out a gasp and she grabs my hand and pulls up her shirt and puts my hand on her stomach. "Do you feel them?" She asks me._

_ I can feel the boys kicking into my hand. They feel so small. I can't help my smile. After a few minutes I pull my hand away and look at my big greasy hand print on her stomach. "That's a nice look for you." I say with a laugh._

_ She looks down at her stomach and laughs. "I like it. It's like you marked me." I lean down and kiss her again. "Oh I'll mark you." I whisper into her mouth. It makes me feel a lot better to have sex with my wife in that back seat of that assholes car. _

I slowly wake up and look around. Luke and Rick are on my right side and Luke is buried into my side with his arm over my stomach. Gabe and Cole are on my left. It was a dream or a memory rather. Lara is gone. She's been gone for 5 months. Nothing can find her.

I quietly untangle myself from my boys and head out the bedroom door. They all started sleeping with me when Lara went missing. I remember now that John is downstairs with Anachel tonight. Lara and I had always talked about when we would have to tell her parents who she is really is. I always planned that Lara would be the one to do the talking. She has a way with people that keep them calm but I had to do it. I had to sit Clarissa and Trent down and explain to them that their daughter Annie is actually the angel Anachel and that she is my son's guardian. They oddly enough took it really well and since then they have allowed John and Anachel to be together all the time. I am lucky they believed me and didn't decide I was crazy because it keeps John calm to be with her. Ben has put off going to school for at least a semester. I didn't want him to but he said he had to stay until we found Lara. I may have wanted him to go to college but I'm glad he's here helping me. These past 5 months have been miserable. I still go to work and Ben was supposed to help out at the garage this summer. Instead we brought the boys with us a few days a week and he spent the day watching them. He's a good kid and a great big brother.

The lights are off and I flip them on has I go down the stairs. I can't look to my left. It hurts too much to see all the photos that Lara framed and put on the wall. Just seeing her makes me want to break down.

The kitchen is a bit of mess right now. I didn't have time to clean up after dinner before I had to get the boys ready for bed and asleep. I attempted to make spaghetti and meat balls tonight. I can't keep depending on Gabby and Jody to do everything so I am trying my hand at cooking and cleaning. The boys seemed to like it enough so that's all that matters. I start washing pots and pans and I look longingly up at the cupboard above the fridge. That's where Lara demanded we kept the alcohol so the boys couldn't get into it. I really want a drink. It's what I always did to get through problems but she broke me of that habit. Anytime I needed a drink I would wake her up and we'd have a drink together. She didn't like me getting drunk on my own and I feel wrong drinking alone now. Fuck it, I need a drink. I rip open the cupboard and pull out the bottle of bourbon. I don't bother with a glass and just open the cap and take a deep swig. I can almost hear Lara in the kitchen with me.

_"Dean."_ I can hear her say to me in that condescending tone she only uses for me. _"What have we discussed? We are team now. You are supposed to get me if you need to drink and I'll drink with you." _I can feel her hands circle around me and pull me to her.

I throw the bottle and it slams into the dishwasher and a spray of bourbon and glass covers the floor. She knew I hated discussing my feeling so when I drank it meant something was bothering me and it was my code that I needed to talk. I can't do this without her.

"Dad?" I hear from the top of the stairs. I turn around and Ben is standing in the open doorway. He looks like he just woke up. His brown hair is shooting up all over his head and his eyes are a bit glossy. He's so tall and looks like a man not the child he was when we adopted him.

"Sorry Ben. I'm just picking up some stuff." Ben's eyes dart around the kitchen and his eyes land on the shattered bottle on the floor. He goes to the broom closet and pulls out a mop, broom, and dust pan. "We gotta pick this up before one of the boys step in the glass." He says to me.

We both clean up in silence. When we are done I take a seat at the counter and Ben joins me. "Dad I know this is really hard on you and if you need to talk to me you can."

I look over at Ben and put my hand on his shoulder and squeeze. "Thanks Ben, but it's alright. You are already shouldering too much. You have given up a lot to help out the family through this."

Ben smiles at me. "It's mom. Of course I am going to help. She would do it for us. Besides if I didn't stay the boys would be running wild and untamed around this house."

I give him a weak grin and look back down at the counter. "Sorry I have been such a mess lately. I am trying but I know that I need to try harder. You guys all need me and I promise I am going to try to work on that."

"You have been doing great dad. You and mom are well special. I hope that I someday can find what you have with her. You have nothing to apologize for you are doing a great job. I'm worried about Rick and Luke though. They are just so young."

I know what he means. They are starting to forget things about their mom. I shake my head in agreement. "Ben, I'm getting nervous we aren't going to find her. It's been five months."

Ben shakes his head no. "Don't you say that! We will find her and bring her home. Now go back upstairs and get some rest. The twins will have a shit fit if you aren't there when they wake up." Ben doesn't say anything else and heads downstairs.

I turn off the lights and I head back upstairs. When I enter the bedroom the boys are all still sound asleep and there is a small space on the bed for me to crawl into. I take moment to go the bathroom. While I'm washing my hands I look up at the mirror at myself. I try not to look at myself to often anymore. It's so hard to see me without her. I look like shit. I need to get my shit together if I plan on taking care of 6 kids. I don't know where Lara is and I don't know if she's alright or even alive. I don't know if she's still pregnant and if we will have Daphne. I wish it was me that was taken. She would have no problem taking care of the kids. She was the center of this family and I'm stumbling trying to fill her role. The angels have been searching none stop but they haven't found anything or anyone that knows a thing.

_I wake up in my room but it's different from the room I went to sleep in. There are clothes all over the floor and it looks like it hasn't been dusted or vacuumed for months if not years. I look over at the other side of the bed and it's glaringly empty. There is a picture of Lara and me on her night stand, the photograph of our first kiss at Olympic National Park and another of her and I on mine of our second wedding. I slowly get out of bed and stumble my way to the bathroom. I manage to trip over my boots and jeans a few times before successfully making it to the sink._

_ Lara's beauty products are lined up on the vanity but they are covered in dust. It doesn't look like they have been touched in years. I turn the water on and splash some in my face and look in the mirror. Who the fuck is looking back at me? I bring my hands to my face and the man in the mirror does too. Holy shit is that me? The man looking at me is 50 I think. He has gray hair and a beard. I tug on my chin and sure enough there is a beard growing on my face. What the fuck is going on? I look more like Bobby then myself._

_ I leave my room and head out to the hallway. I check into the bedroom next to mine that was John's room that Lara planned on putting Daphne. It's filled with junk but it's still painted like it was when John was born. I head down to Cole and Gabe's room and open the door. There are two twin beds and a bunch of band posters I don't recognize but the boys aren't in bed. I head down to Rick and Luke's room and I see two teenagers spread out on twin beds. Who are they? One of them rolls over and looks at me. "Dad we still got 40 minutes before we have to get up what do you need?"_

_ Dad? I don't know where my voice comes from but it just talks without my permission. "Nothing Luke, just checking on you guys. Go back to sleep." I shut the door and head downstairs. The pictures that Lara hung on the wall are still there but they are dusty. I head to the living room and It's picked up, not totally clean but picked up._

_ The kitchen is a bit of mess and I can tell that last night's dinner was pizza because the boxes are still on the counter. The phone starts to ring and I instinctively answer it. "Hello." I say into the phone._

_ "Hey Dean it's me. I just wanted to make sure you remembered your date tonight." Gabby says into the phone._

_ I don't know what's going on but my mind goes on autopilot and starts to talk without me helping. "Gabby I told you to stop setting me up on these dates. I don't want to go out I'm married." I say looking down at my worn wedding ring._

_ She lets out a sigh on the other side. "Dean she has been gone for 15 years you need to move on. We all miss her and still love her but you are a mess. She would not want you spending the rest of your life alone and miserable."_

_ "Gabby I am not going out tonight just tell whoever it is this time that I am sick. I gotta go." I slam the phone down. Lara has been gone for 15 years? No wonder I look like shit. _

I jerk awake and I am drenched in sweat. Nothing that happened in the dream was scary or even nearly has horrible has the stuff I dream about when I think of hell but it was the worst dream of my life. 15 years without Lara is not possible I can't do it. I feel myself start to panic. It's hard to breath and my head is spinning.

"Dean, it's alright." I hear a hushed voice come from the dark next to me. I look next to the bed and Cas is standing there. "It's my shift with the boys and I sensed your panic. It's alright."

I shake my head no. "It's not Cas." I say quietly. He frowns a bit and looks down at the boys. "Try to go back to sleep. We will find her if it's the last thing any of us ever do." I lay back down on my pillows that still thankfully smell like her and drift back to a thankfully dreamless sleep.

The next morning I get up before the kids and head downstairs to make them breakfast. Sam has taken a permanent position in a second grade class at the school and got the principal to allow John to be in that class. We also got Anachel in the same class. The principal was nervous but he explained to him that John is not handling Lara's kidnapping well. Gabe and Cole started kindergarten this year and there has been quite a few times when the principal has had to pull Sam to calm them down. People have been understanding with us because of Lara but soon they are going to stop being quite so flexible.

Half way through breakfast prep there is a knock at the door. I run to the door and open it. "Sarah?" I ask with a question to the woman standing in front of me carrying a bags filled with groceries and Tupperware.

"Hey Dean, I wanted to drop off some supplies for you and the boys. I know how hard it must be for you guys." I want to roll my eyes but I can feel Lara looking at me telling me to be polite. "Thanks Sarah." I say taking the bags from her.

"Do you need some help with breakfast? I assume you are getting the boys ready for school." She doesn't wait for an invitation and pushes past me and into the house and back into the kitchen.

I pause for a moment and slam the door shut. Sarah is standing in my kitchen about to finish the scrambled eggs I have on the stove. I don't like how she looks in Lara's kitchen. She is the only woman who should be cooking food in here. "Thanks for the food but we are fine. I need to be getting the boys up and ready anyways but thanks for stopping over." I just want her out of Lara's kitchen.

Sarah looks over at me and leans against the counter pushing her chest out. "I know how lonely you must be Dean. I know I have been since I got divorced. If you ever need some company please feel free to call me. I'll come over day…or…night." Did that bitch really just hit on me?

"You should leave." I say to her.

She pushes herself off the counter and saunters past me. Her hips brushes over my thigh has she walks by. "I just know that you must still have needs and I'm available if you need a friend."

I look at her and if I give her my most dangerous, pissed off, I could kill anything glare. She actually takes a step back. "My wife was kidnapped and you are in her kitchen hitting on her husband. You need to get the fuck out of here right now and do not under any circumstances come back to this house. If you come back here I promise you that you will you regret it."

Sarah grabs her purse and runs out of the house not even looking back. I hope she finally get the point. She has had no problem flirting with me the past 6 years in front of Lara but she has never been this aggressive. If she comes back I'll get Gabby on her. I may not beat the shit out of a woman but Gabby will not have a problem with it.

I hear a drunken laugh behind me and I turn around to see Balthazar leaning against the door jam with a bottle of bourbon in his hands. I envy him being able to drink so freely. "Well that was a surprise. Dean Winchester ladies man just turned down pussy. I would say that hell most have frozen over today."

I roll my eyes at him. "Balthazar stop being an ass hole. I would never cheat on Lara." I spit at him.

Balthazar lets out another laugh. "Well I don't know about that Dean. You did sleep with Lisa didn't you? And wasn't Lara with you then?"

I can't help myself and I lunge forward and I slam my fist in his face. "I wasn't with her then and I regret that moment so much. If I could I would take it back and I would have ran after Lara that night and told her I loved her." My fist is sore. I know better than to hit an angel. "What the fuck is your problem with me anyways! You have always been such an ass to me!"

Balthazar lowers his eyes and takes another gulp of bourbon. "You look like her."

"What?" I ask him walking to the freezer to get an ice pack for my hand. "You look like Daphne. It's your mouth. She has your same mouth and smile. Every time I see you I see her and I'm reminded of how I failed her."

"Is that why you have always been an ass to me?" I ask him quietly.

He shakes his head yes. "When I first meet you in the flesh it hit me like a truck. It pissed me off that I was mourning the loss of your daughter you didn't even know existed. It made me so furious to see you going about your life like everything was normal and you weren't hurting like we were. I still don't know how Castiel and Gabriel did it. I know they saw the boys in you every time you saw them too. Every time you smile I see her pouring through you."

"I get that Balthazar more than you know. Every time I look at John I see her nose. When I look at Gabe and Cole I see her eyes looking back at me and they also have her cheek bones. Then I look to Luke and Rick and they have her hair and her lips. I see her in them every time I look at them and it breaks my heart." I explain to him.

"It's why I helped you and your brother in your hair brain idea to stop the apocalypse. I thought that maybe just maybe if I did that you would manage to find someone and Daphne would agree to come to earth has your child with another woman. All the kids refused to come to heaven without each other but I hoped she would change her mind." He slurs at me taking a seat at the counter. "She would sit in heaven watching you all day. We couldn't find Lara we assumed somehow the demons get her soul but we always knew where you were. She would sit there watching every move you made. She sobbed for days when you sold your soul and I had to hold her back when the hell hounds came for you. I had to remind her that Castiel was going to bring you back. It killed her to see you ripped to shreds like that but she never spoke. After Lara died she never spoke a word. I think she hoped you would find Lara's soul in hell and find a way to bring her back."

"Why don't you go rest where it is you go and come back when you're sober. The boys will be getting up soon." Balthazar shakes his head in agreement and disappears. I don't think we'll ever be close but at least I understand him a bit better.


	89. Chapter 89

Lara's POV

"Please just stop." I say pathetically. I turn my head to look away from Crowley who is leaning in over me again. "Please." I whimper out.

"This will stop if you just stop fighting me." He snarls at me. He still hasn't given up trying to possess me. The only thing keeping me from giving in is Daphne. She is still growing in me. I am getting pretty big now. I can only be thankful that Crowley has not hurt her and has allowed me to eat or she wouldn't be here. "I have promised you that I will not use your body for anything besides getting the power I need. No using your body for deals, no killing humans, just getting the power I need." He had promised me that, everyday in fact. I know the real reason he can promise that. No one would want me now. Who wants a woman who is a mother of 6 with scars all over her body? Not a lot of marketable uses for me now.

"I told you that you can have my body once she is born. Please just let me rest." I am so tired. I would almost gladly give up my body now just so I can rest.

He lets out a growl that can only be described has demonic. "You will succumb to me in 5 days or I will be forced to do something you will not like." He yells at me then turns around and stomps out of the room.

I let out a choked sob and try not to cry. I just want off this table. I need to move my limbs. Daphne has started kicking me and I can't even try to comfort her. The demon next to me lifts up the table and releases the straps holding me down. I fall into a heap on the floor. It takes awhile but I regain control of my limbs and I am slowly able to move. I crawl over to the wall and stretch out my shaking legs then use the wall to help me stand. I rub my stomach at the feeling of Daphne fluttering in me. I remember the second time I gave birth. The memories are the only place I can go anymore to escape this place.

_"Come on Lara you can do it. Just one more push and one of them will be out!" Dean encourages me. I got admitted into the hospital a few hours ago and I've been in labor ever since. He's standing next to me holding my hand trying to get me to concentrate on the lamaz techniques we learned in class._

_ Another contraction hits and I scream out and tighten my grip on Dean's hand. "Come on Mrs. Winchester I can see his head, just push and don't stop." I put all my energy into another push and I feel my baby come out of my body. I can't see him yet but I hear him let out a cry. "Come on down here daddy and cut the cord."_

_ Dean gives me a torn look and I wave him down. He cuts the cord and the doctors wraps our baby up in a blanket and Dean carries him up to me. The moment I see him I know which one it is. "Gabriel." I sigh out. Dean smiles at me and gives me a moment with my son then I get another contraction. It's time to push again. _

_ One of the nurses takes Gabriel and Cas gives me concerned look. I made the doctors allow my "Uncle" to come in to see the birth of his "nephews." "Go with him Cas." I tell him before I start to push again._

_ A few more pushes and Cole is out too. Within an hour I am in my room holding both my sons. Dean is sitting behind me with a protective arm around me looking at our sons._

I wish I could stay in that world a bit longer but I can't ignore the pain in my legs right now. I don't recognize my body. I used to know all my scars before John healed them. These scars are foreign to me. So many of them are still fresh wounds. My body is now a tapestry of intricate cuts. The demon who tortured me once told me I was his most beautiful canvas. The ones on my arms and legs follow intricate patterns has well has random slash marks. I am almost glad I don't have a mirror to see how drastically my face has changed. Even if Dean were to miraculously find me he wouldn't recognize me. I am more hideous than I had ever been before, at least before they usually left my face alone. I must look like some horrible monster from a horror movie. If how my arms, legs, hands, and even my feet are any indication to how my face looks I would probably run away screaming if I meet me on the street. I still have some of my hair but the demons have also pulled patches of it out. I can feel the phantom patches of skin ache on my scalp. I want to itch it all the time but when I'm strapped down on the table I can't lift my arms to itch. My nerves fire constantly warning shots of pain from all the torn bits of my flesh. I am in constant pain. It hurts when I lay there and it hurts when I move. There is no break from it. I was once able to bite one of the demons who was torturing me and has punishment he ripped out some of my teeth with pliers. I never did that again. The only part of me that is untouched is my stomach. They haven't gotten close to Daphne and that is all that matters. Luckily my tattoo is near Daphne and they haven't destroyed that yet either. They sliced the possession tattoo off of me long ago. On my other hip they did brand me though. Crowley told me it's his brand so that I am marked has his body.

There's a bucket in the corner of the room and I try to clean myself up a bit. My bra and panties feel apart long ago and I've been naked for a long time. It should embarrass me but I don't even have the energy to think about it anymore. I smell horribly but I have long been desensitized to the scent. The only smell that still gets me is the smell of rotting flesh that comes off the demons.

I am too weak to stand up straight and I lean against the wall. Just think of something pleasant Lara. Something to keep you going. Something to make you forget that you are here. I close my eyes and I go somewhere else.

_"Mommy! Daddy! Wakey upie it Christmas!" Gabe screams has he jumps up on the bed and crawls over Dean and I. The excited shouts of Cole are right behind him. John is close on the heels of Cole and Rick and Luke that somehow got out of their cribs and tottering towards us too._

_ Dean rolls over and looks at the clock. "It's 6 am boys! It's hardly Christmas morning!" He says playing with them. We were up a few hours last night putting their gifts out._

_ Cole starts to pout and jumps on Dean. "It be Christmas for 6 whole hours daddy!" He shouts. Rick and Luke manage to climb up into the bed and cuddle into me. I pull my youngest boys closer and kiss their heads. I love the way they feel cuddled into my arms. _

_ "Well hopefully Santa made it here last night. Want to go check?" He asks Cole. Cole jumps up with Gabe and they start to jump on the bed. "YES!" They shout in unison. John is pulling on Dean's leg now trying to get him out of bed faster. _

_ I laugh and get out of the bed pulling on my robe and grab Luke and Rick balancing them on opposite hips. They both lean on my shoulders and I feel their little hands grab clumps of my robe. Dean gets out of bed and John, Cole, and Gabe grab his hands and pull him down the stairs. We all follow behind and they let out gasps at the bottom. "Hurry mommy Santa was here!" They shout running for the packages. I get to the bottom of the stairs and put Rick and Luke down. "You boys wait until I wake up Ben." I warn them._

_ I walk to the stairs to the basement and yell down to tell Ben that the boys are awake already and he lets out a moan and I hear him slowly wake up. I pick up the phone and I call Gabriel so he can tell the stooges and Eve that the boys are up and they can come over. Gabby and Sam will be having their own Christmas morning with their boys and we'll all have dinner together. _

_ The memory starts to shift like it always does now. I can't keep the memories alive anymore. The morph into a future I'm not in. I'm in my kitchen but it's different Ben comes up the stairs and he's older. He brushes past me and I realize I'm invisible. I am not really there._

_ I walk back into the living room and Rick and Luke look to be about 10. I look over the rest of my boys and they are all so much older. A young girl comes bounding down the stairs with blond hair in pig tails. "Hurry up Mommy and Daddy Santa was here." I look up expecting to see Dean and me coming down the stairs but it's not me. It's the new woman. She's always there now in my fantasies, the woman who takes my life from me. She is taller than me and stronger. I can tell she was a hunter at one point. She has long blond hair and pale green eyes. She's fun and easy going with a tough has nails persona. The boys love her and Daphne practically worships her. Even worse than all that, Dean is head over heels in love with her. Slowly but surely she has taken over my perfect life. It started small. She would just sleep over. Then she needed closet and drawer space so Dean agreed to pack me things up and donate them. Slowly the pictures all over the house started to change to her with my family. There are only a few pictures of me left in the house and they are just in the boys rooms. The only thing that remains that proves I even existed is my name tattooed on his shoulder, but even then her name is now under the key. Ashley it reads under the key that Dean told me I was the only one to ever hold. _

_ It breaks me to see him with her but I'm happy he's happy. She seems to love my children and she treats them well. I can't be mad at them for liking her. I know what it's like to be her. I raised Ben just like she is raising my boys. _

I open my eyes and force myself to shake off the vision. It hasn't happened yet. There is still a small sliver of hope left in me that they will find me. I bring my hands to my face and I trace the scars and cuts on it. It feels like someone else face. I don't recognize it. Will he even want me if they do find me? I look hideous. There is no way he would ever want me again. He is so handsome well he's gorgeous why would he want to tether himself to shell that is left of me? Daphne kicks me and I drop my hands to my stomach and rub it. He will stay with me for the kids. He will stay with me because he does love me even if the sight of me disgusts him now.

The nameless demon picks me up roughly and puts me back down on the table. I am too weak to fight him. I need to save all my energy for fighting off Crowley. The steel table is cold and wet. The demon must have washed it off before putting me back down because it feels refreshing like water not like my blood.

*five days later*

"I didn't want to have to do this Lara but you have left me no choice and you know it! I need your body by tomorrow night and there is only one thing left for me to try." I look at him and I don't want to show him fear but he knows I'm petrified. He picks up a knife and for a moment I think he is going to carve into me. He has never been the one to wield the razors on me but maybe he is at his breaking point. He actually even protected me a few times. One of the demons torturing me was about to rape me and he stopped him. He said cutting my skin was one thing but raping me was another. To my surprise he drags the blade over the palm of his hand. "I am sorry for this." He says to me has he moves the hand to cover my mouth.

My eyes grow large and I know what he plans on doing. He wants to feed me his blood. I try to move my head but it's pointless his free hand holds my forehead still and he clamps his bleeding hand over my mouth. I pull my lips together and try to make and tight seal on my lips. He notices what I am doing and move his hand that is holding me head still and shuts my noise. I try to fight it but it doesn't take long for me to open my mouth in a gasp for air and the blood fills my mouth. I try not to swallow any and spit it back out but some of it gets in. He pulls his hands away and whips it on clean towel. He pulls an IV out and sticks the needle into his arm and puts the other needle in mine. I try to keep the needle from piercing my skin but the attempt is futile. I have no way of fighting him.

The demonic liquid slides down the tube and I watch has it gets closer and closer to me. The moment it hits my system I can feel the evil pouring into me. This is it, the beginning of the end. I won't be able to fight him much longer and now his blood will be one with Daphne. I have failed.

a/n reviews are appreciated! I promise I will be working on Born Free again. My mind has just been really focused on this one for a bit!


	90. Chapter 90

Dean's POV

Seven and half months. That is how long she has been gone. My sanity has slowly been drifting away along with the clicking clock. Every moment she isn't here the worst I get. I have horrible visions of what could be happening to her. The Angels have been searching and torturing their way through every demon and creature we could find and still nothing.

I hear hushed fighting outside my door. It sounds like John and Ben are outside my door. I don't know what they are fighting about they will knock when they want to talk to me. After a few minutes I hear the knock on my door. "Come in." I say.

Ben and John come into my room and Ben doesn't look happy. "You guys alright?" I ask them. They both shake their heads and Ben looks down at John and back at me. "Dad, John has a crazy idea."

John rolls his eyes and looks up at me. "It's not crazy dad I can find mom. I can feel her. They have been able to block her from angels and demons but they can't block her from me anymore. I can get us there. I can get you inside and have Ben destroy the angel blocking insignias then Uncle Cas, Gabe, and Balthazar can come in and help you. I will get Ben and me out once the insignias are destroyed. It will work I swear."

I look at John and I am shocked. He can find Lara? He wants to bring us to her? I look at Ben and he shrugs his shoulder. I know he is worried about his little brother going to this place. "John it is too dangerous for you to go there."

John shakes his head furiously. "No it isn't. There isn't a thing those demons can do to kill me and I'm the only one who can find her and get you guys in. Once my uncles can get in I will zap us out of there I swear."

"I need to talk to your Uncles first. I don't know what I think about it yet." I say to him. He rolls his eyes at me but he seems relieved I was even willing to listen to him.

I call the stooges and Eve into my living room and call Sam, Gabby, Bobby and Jody over too. The kids are all playing downstairs and I know that Ben will keep an eye on them. I look at everyone and they look back at me waiting for me to say something. I take a deep breath and let it out. "John came to me and told me that he can find Lara. He wants to take us there and once Ben breaks the insignias the angels can come in and he'll leave."

Gabby and Jody's eyes grow wide and Sam and Bobby look at each other. I can tell by their faces they think this can work. The angels aren't speaking out loud but I know they are thinking and slowly their shake their heads. Gabriel looks up at me. "It will work. The demons cannot hurt John. He can bring you, Sam, Bobby, and Ben into the warehouse and once the insignias are broken we can get in. We can kill who is keeping her and bring her home."

Jody jumps up and grabs me. "I don't not want my grandson going to that place. There is no way it will be safe!" Jody misses her son very much and has loved taking on the role of grandmother for all her grandchildren. Each grandchild gets one day a month with her all by themselves and she spoils them all rotten.

Eve gets up and walks to Jody and puts her arm around her shoulder. "Jody I know that John is your grandson but he is God Jody. He will not be hurt."

Jody shakes her head no. "The first time he came to earth he was killed Eve. I read the bible just like everyone else here and he was killed by humans." I can hear the tears in voice.

Castiel smiles at Jody. "He died willingly Jody. He made the choice to die that way. There is nothing in this universe with the exception of possibly death that could hurt John. He will be safe and we will be with him."

"I want to go to then. I want to make sure he's ok." Bobby starts to stand up but Jody shoots him a look and he sits back down. "If my first grandbaby is going into a demon compound I am going too end of discussion."

I look to everyone. "So I guess we're doing this aren't we." Everyone nods and we all separate to start preparing. Gabby catches up to me and grabs my arm. "I am going to stay back with the kids. You know how I feel about Sam and me going on the same hunt. Is that alright with you?" Gabby was always a hunter and unlike Lara she still likes to get her hands dirty. She and Sam agreed years ago they would never go on the same hunt so if something happens to them their kids won't be orphaned.

"That is fine. In fact I will feel much better knowing you are here to take care of the kids while were gone. Ben and John will be coming back here right after. Please take care of them." She knows what I mean, if Lara is dead make sure to comfort them until I get back. She shakes her head and heads down the basement to be with the children.

I grab the colt and the demon killing blade. I keep both on top of my dresser in a locked box so the kids can't get them. I also throw on some more weapons just to be case. We all meet back up in the living room. Everyone is geared up. Even Eve and Ben have weapons on them. Ben is holding John's hand and Anachel is grabbing John's arm. I look down at the little girl that houses a powerful angel. "I think it's best if you don't come Annie." She shakes her head in agreement. Her size makes her a liability.

"Ok so here's how it's going to go. John you are going to take Ben, Grandpa Bobby, Granny Jody, Uncle Sammy, and me into the warehouse where your mom is. Bobby, Ben, and Sam you are to take down the angels wards as fast has possible. Jody I want you to stay with John and keep him safe. At which point John you are to take Ben and get out of there. Then Cas, Balthazar, Gabriel, and Eve will come in and help us get Lara out safely." I don't need to say and kill everything that touched her because they know that's what I am going to go. Everyone shakes their head in agreement.

I walk over to John and pick him up. He may be growing up but he's always going to be my little boy. I feel guilty about bringing him into this world but I need Lara back and so does he. Bobby, Jody, Ben, and Sammy touch my shoulder and within a moment we are moving. It's not like traveling via Angel Air. It's not flying because John doesn't have wings. One moment I'm in my living room the next moment I am in a warehouse.

The stench is what grabs me first. It's the smell of torture. I recognize it so well from my time in the pit. It's a distinctive smell, it's blood, sweat, tears, and feces. It's not a smell I ever wanted to smell near anyone in my family. The room is dank and dark and it takes a moment for our eyes to adjust. Bobby, Ben, and Sam immediately start taking down wards. They don't risk looking around and getting emotional compromised by finding Lara dead.

"Mommy?" John says in my arm. I follow his gaze and I see a naked pregnant woman tied down to a table. Oh my god Lara.

"Crowley! I am going to kill you." I snarl out. He looks up at me shocked. He is doing something with a tube but it's hard to see in this light.

"Please Dean let's keep this civil. This was only a business deal." He studders back to me. "Civil? You kidnapped my wife, my pregnant wife at that, and we you want me to keep things civil?"

John starts to fidget in my arms but I'm not going to put him down till I know he is leaving and will be safe. "What are you doing to my mommy?" John screams at the top of his lungs. I can feel his power boiling over. Crowley's eyes bug out and he knows he's in trouble.

"Sam cover Ben's eyes now!" I scream with just enough time to cover my own has my son's grace floods the room. The bright light almost penetrates my eye lids and the whoosh of energy leaves me breathless. Once the light dissipates I am able to open my eyes again. I stumble over to Jody and hand her John. "Get him out of here now. I don't want him to see this." I tell her. John doesn't want to leave and I give him a stern look. "John get home I'll be there soon and take your brother." He reluctantly leaves while Bobby and Sam continue to remove the wards.

I walk over dead demons to make it to Lara. There are only two things about her that I recognize her eyes and her tattoo. Her hair is clumped with blood and large patches have been ripped out exposing angry scar tissue. Her skin has been carved like some grotesque human sculpture. "Dean?" She says quietly. I can see that just saying that is too much effort for her. She is tethered down on a steel table completely naked. Every exposed inch of skin minus her pregnant stomach has been carved. There is an IV tube sticking out of her arm and I can see the tube still transferring red liquid into her.

My limbs are on autopilot. My mind cannot fathom what I am seeing. My perfect, beautiful, kind wife is in front of me but has been tortured. It does not escape me that I have done things like this to people in hell. I cross the distance between us quickly and start to undo the straps holding her to table. "It's me Lara. I am here honey. We are going to get you home." Her eyes start to tear up and I take off my jacket draping it over her shoulder being careful not to tug on any of her cut skin.

"Dean." She cries out in my shoulder. I hold her to me and she clutches onto me. I can smell the repulsive scent wafting off her but I don't care. All I want is to hold her to me and never let her go. "Shit!" I hear. I look up and the Angels and Eve have made it in. "What happened in here?" Gabriel asks me.

"John wasn't too happy at what they were doing to Lara and he opened up his grace and killed them." I say to them still cradling Lara to me. She has her face buried into my chest and she is heaving into me.

Gabriel comes over and moves the dirty hair out of Lara's face and looks at her. I can see the shock on his face. "My darling, we need to get you out of here then we can heal you." He says calmly.

Lara doesn't respond and just clings to me tighter. I look on the other side of the table and sure enough Crowley is lying there dead on the floor with the other end of the tube sticking out of his arm. "What was he doing Lara?" I ask her.

She doesn't say anything and Gabriel puts his hand on my shoulder and we fly out. We land in our bathroom. Cas, Eve, and Balthazar are near the door and Lara, Gabriel, and I are on the ledge of the tub. "I sent Bobby and Sam downstairs." Cas says casually.

Gabriel puts his hand on Lara's tortured scalp and closes his eyes. I can feel his grace coming out of his body. I look down at Lara and nothing is happening. Why isn't she healing? I look at Gabriel and he is worried. "Lara darling I need you to tell me what's happening."

She looks up at him and shows him her arm. For the first time I notice that there is blood caked around her mouth. "He forced his blood in me thinking it would help him possess me." Shit he can't heal her with his blood in her. "It's in Daphne Uncle Gabe fix it please." She begs.

Balthazar moves immediately to us and falls in front of us putting his hands on her stomach. What should have been a bright white light between him and Lara's stomach is just a dark blue spark and it's out. Lara grabs his hands. "Do what it takes to save her." She tells him.

I pull her to me and kiss her forehead, I can taste her blood on my lips. I can't lose her after I just got her back. I look at Gabriel. "What do we do?" I ask him. He looks afraid and he looks back at Cas and Eve. After what feels like an eternity he looks back at me.

"She has been poisoned and it's in Daphne. I cannot heal her like this. I can't even fathom how this is affecting Daphne. There is only one thing I can think to do but it is risky at best." I don't like the idea of something being risky not when it's referring to Lara.

"What do you need to do Uncle Gabe?" Lara asks. He caresses her cheek. "I am going to have Balthazar enter your body and explode his grace. I think his grace will have the best chance of not hurting Daphne. It should destroy the demon blood but it might have a negative reaction and you could die."

I hold her tighter. "No! I just got her back dammit and I am not going to let you explode anything in her." Lara looks up at me with her big blue eyes and I can feel my heart shattering. Her eyes are broken and scared. "What happens if we don't do it?" I ask him.

Gabriel sighs and looks down at the floor afraid to look me in the eyes. "She has a lot of demon blood in her. It will slowly corrupt her and if we are lucky she will pass peacefully. This isn't like when your brother drank the blood, this is poison to her. With Daphne she will either be born with demonic qualities or be still born."

"Do what it takes to save Daphne! It doesn't matter what happens to me just make sure she lives!" Lara says clutching her stomach.

"So she will die if we don't do this?" I ask him. He shakes his head. "How long do we have?"

"A few hours maybe a day." He says quietly.

I take in a deep breath. "Alright. Just please give me an hour with her." I beg. They all shake their heads and leave the room. I am left with Lara in my arms. I turn around and turn on the bath. Just like the first night we were in our home I draw her a bath and bath her. I slowly lower her into the water and the water quickly turns dirty from the dirt and blood covering her skin. I drain the water twice before it stops getting dirty.

I take off my clothes and get into the tub sitting behind her pulling her into me. She tenses at first then relaxes into me. I can feel the scars on her back on my chest. "Lara, I love you so much. Every day that you have been gone has been like a decade." I say into a patch of her hair.

Lara leans back into me. "The only thing that kept me going was remembering you and the kids. I'm sorry Dean."

"For what?" I ask her kissing a bald patch on the back of her head.

"For being taken. For coming back to you so disgusting. For the blood. For everything. Please promise not to let the boys see me like this if I die."

I move her around in the tub she is looking right at me, her pregnant stomach pushing into my chest. "First of all it was not your fault you were taken. Second you are not disgusting. You are more beautiful then I remembered. Third the blood was not your fault. You are not going to die. They are going to fix you and we are going to raise the boys together. I am going to grow old next to you Lara."

The tears coming down her face change paths from the scars and they take strange detours over the plane of her face. "We did grow old together Dean."

I give her a confused look and she leans in and kisses me. "I made it to 33 and you made it to 41. That is older than either of us could have possibly hoped to live before we meet. When I was laying in that cell I knew I would be dead before the end of the year but Dean… these past few years have been so amazing and I am older than I ever thought I would be. I got my biggest fantasy Dean. I've had it all."

I shake my head no. "This fantasy isn't done Lara. We have grown older than either of us ever thought we could but we are going to get older and we are going to be happy."

"I could see her Dean."

"Who?" I ask her confused.

"The woman you are going to forget me for. It's alright. I don't blame you and I want you to be happy." She cries out.

"What woman? I am not going to forget you for anyone. I told you before there is no getting over you." I pull her to me and I kiss her. She seems tense for a moment then relaxes in the kiss. It's not until I start to truly kiss her that I notice some of her teeth are missing. They must have pulled them out, it's what I would have done.

Lara pulls back. "How can you want to kiss me when I look like this?" She asks motioning over face and the rest of her body. I lean in and kiss her again. "Lara you are the most beautiful woman I have seen and nothing could make me think otherwise. Let's get you dressed and get this blood out of you." I'm not lying to her. I know what I am looking at and if it was anyone else I would have a hard time looking at her quite frankly I might be repulsed but knowing it's my Lara I can't stop looking at her. I can't stop silently thanking whatever deity brought her back to me, and I can't stop hating whatever deity thought it would be funny to threaten to take her away again.

I pull the plug on the tub and the water quickly goes down the drain. I get a towel and I dry her off. I can truly see the damage done to her body now that she is clean. If they can't heal her she will be need plastic surgery. I know that people will be shocked to see her. I look at her hip and I see that there is a brand on her. I finger it and she frowns. "Crowley branded me his." I grab her hand and I kiss her ring finger and I touch her tattoo. "You are mine." She smiles faintly and I help her dress. I put her in one of my old tshirts already stretched from previous pregnancies and pair of my boxers. "I wish we had more time." I tell her. She shakes her head and we go in to the bedroom.

Gabriel, Cas, Balthazar, and Eve are all standing in the front of the bed looking nervous. Gabriel looks up at me and I swear I see tears in his eyes. "She should be in the tub. This could get messy." I tighten my grip on her hand and she squeezes me back. We head into the bathroom and she lays back down in the tub we were just in.

Lara grabs Balthazar's hand. "You do what it takes to save her, even if that means my life. She kept me going in there and I promised her I would get her home." Balthazar shakes his head. "I accept you into my body Balthazar." She says.


	91. Chapter 91

Lara's POV

This is the first time I have willingly been possessed since Crowley took me the first time. When the stooges possess me it's just for me to practice pushing them out. I hate the feeling of my body being taken over. "It's just me Lara. I will let you go when this is done."

I should have known he would hear it. I can't help but smile at him. "I know you will." I'm in my home in my mind. It's where I go when I am possessed. I look down and my body is back to normal. Balthazar is standing in front of me and I know to everyone right now it looks like I am asleep.

Balthazar moves in front of me and grabs my hands. "I am going to explode my grace and it should push the demon blood out. I hope it will push it out of Daphne. If it doesn't I will have to try something else."

I shake my head in understanding and squeeze his hand. "Balthazar I am not dumb enough to think I am going to survive this…"

"Don't say that Lara you are going to be fine."

"No Balthazar, I think you know I won't. Even if you get the blood out I know what that brand and those carvings mean. They mean you guys can't heal me. I just want you to promise me that you will do whatever it takes to save Daphne. She can survive this. Only one of us is making it and it's going to be her. Take whatever you need from me to help her."

"I will do what it takes." He finally agrees. "Why don't you go upstairs to your bed and relax. It will be better for you. If I need you I will come and find you."

Balthazar leaves the house to walk around my body and I slowly walk up the stairs to relax while he does he needs too. I look at the all photographs lining the walls. I finger a candid photograph of the boys and me at the park. Dean snapped it with my camera one day when I wasn't looking. I love that photograph it's so happy. The boys are on the spin go round and I am spinning them. All the boys have big smiles on their faces and so do I.

I know all of this is fake and just in my head but it's my memories of my house, my life. I get to my bed and I lie down. It feels so nice to be lying in my bed even if it's not real. Even in my head the bed smells like Dean. Smells like oil, leather, a hint of bourbon, and a spice that is uniquely him. He smells like home. I wonder how long after I die will the pillows stop smelling like me. Actually they already probably don't smell like me. I've been gone for months. Dean says I smell like to home to him as well.

I wish I could see my boys again before I die, but I do not want them to see me like this. I look horrible and I know it would cause them nightmares. I don't want to haunt my babies' dreams. I hope somehow I get to see them grow up. Maybe I'll be able to watch them from wherever my soul goes. Do I get to go to heaven? My body has done so many horrible things that I don't know if I'll be welcome. How can they allow the girl who has stolen probably around 1000 souls? I guess I'll find out soon enough so it doesn't matter.

Dean will do fine with the kids but I hope he remembers to do all the baby stuff. Since I have the breasts I have to get up for the feedings so I hope he remembers to get up for her when she cries. He's usually good with the diapers. He once said that after walking through shifters left over skin something like a diaper was nothing. I love watching him with the boys. He relaxes with them and it makes me want to melt.

_Gabe and Cole are very different then John. There are two of them. When one starts to cry the other immediately does. They are in sync with pooping and needing to feed. If one of their diapers is dirty the other one is. If one is hungry the other is. I have been up half the night with them. They are only two months old and not on a solid sleeping schedule yet like John. My hand moves over Dean's side of the bed and I can't feel him. I roll over and grab the clock on my night stand. It's only 7 am and it's Saturday where could he be?_

_ I get out of bed and pull on my robe over my naked body. The other half I wasn't up with the kids Dean had me up. He got back from his first hunt since I got back from the other plane yesterday and we missed each other. I leave our room and take a peak in John's room. He is sound asleep in his toddler bed. I quietly continue down the hall way and stop at Gabe and Cole's room. _

_ Dean is sitting on the rocking chair with Gabe on his shoulder and Cole in the crook of his arm. "Mommy's really sleepy guys so you are going to have to survive with me for a bit." He tells them with a smile. Gabe is partially still a sleep but Cole is wide awake, smiling and kicking in Dean's arm. "Be good Cole your brother is still sleeping. Maybe later today we can take a walk down to the park and back. Would you like that?" He asks pulling Cole up to his lips so he can kiss his forehead._

_ He must sense me standing there because he looks up at and smiles. "Hey what are you doing up? I thought you would want to sleep in." I cross the room and lean down and kiss him softly on the lips and pull Cole out of his arms. _

_ "I woke up and you weren't there so I got up to find you."_

_ Dean smiles at me and adjusts Gabe. "I heard the boys up and I thought I would give you a few extra hours. I got their diapers changed and you had some breast milk in the fridge downstairs I could give them."_

_ I lean down again and give Dean a kiss. "I love you so much Dean." I say quietly. He blushes lightly and smiles back at me. "I love you too Lara." _

He will do fine without me. It will be hard at first but he will do fine. "Lara are you up there?" Balthazar yells from the bottom of the steps. "Yes I'm in my bed." I yell back down.

I can hear him coming up the stairs and he stops at my door. "I need you to allow Gabriel in. I can't get the blood out Lara. I am going to go into Daphne and keep her safe and we are going to have to deliver her now. Gabriel will explain everything when he gets here." Balthazar reassures me.

"Gabriel I accept you into my body." I say quietly. It doesn't take long and Gabriel is in my mind with me has well. The angels make eye contact and nod and Balthazar leaves. "What is going on Uncle Gabriel?"

Gabriel walks to the bed and sits next to me pulling me into a hug. "Honey there is too much damage. We can't get the blood out without killing you. And even if we could do that with the brand and the carvings on your skin we can't heal you. I would try and ask Eve or John if they could but that brand makes your body effectively Crowley's property. He was the only one who could heal you. Eve is going to deliver Daphne and when she is done we will make you has comfortable has we can but there is nothing I can do. I will try to bring you back but it will be difficult. Your body can't house you any longer. We will need to rebuild you like Castiel did when we brought Dean back."

I shake my head and lean into him. "If you can't bring me back I understand." I say quietly. I know Gabriel has made a lot of changes in heaven. Before he took over it was common place for Angels to kill and resurrect humans at their whim. Gabriel wanted to establish order again to the chaos that had become heaven. He made strict rules for bringing humans back and I know he will not be able to break them for me. He needs to keep order in heaven and he won't be able to do that if he breaks on of his own rules.

"Please take care of Dean and the kids for me. Dean will not do well with my death at first and he will need help with the kids, especially Daphne. I know Balthazar will be attached to her like white on rice but please promise you will help him." I beg him.

Gabriel tightens his grip on me. "I will be there for your husband and your children darling, but I don't want you to worry about that. I will be brining you back."

I know he can't promise me that but I allow him that lie. "How much time will I have?" I ask him. He looks at me. "A few hours max."

"Does Dean know?"

Gabriel shakes his head no. "I didn't have the heart to tell him. He is so happy to have you back I couldn't tell him."

He holds me a bit longer until he senses something and stands up. He reaches down and grabs my hands. "It's time now dear. I am going to leave your body. Balthazar is already gone. He was in Daphne for the birth and she should be fine now. He got the blood out but there are some changes. The blood got in her system enough that it turned her hair and eyes black. Her hair will remain black, instead of blonde, but Balthazar gave her a chunk of his grace to get the blood out and her eyes are back to blue." My poor baby was affected by the blood. The thought of it makes me want to cry, fall apart, tear my hair out, and kill Crowley again. I start to fall over but Gabriel catches me. "She is fine Lara. She is healthy and perfect. I promise you that all the demon blood is out of her she is pure."

We walk down the stairs and Gabriel walks out of the front door and I follow behind him. When I come too I slowly open my eyes and I see Dean leaning over me. "Oh thank God. Lara you are awake." He says leaning down and kissing my forehead.

"My baby." I whisper. "Please I want to hold her." Dean looks behind him and motions his hand towards us. Balthazar is carrying Daphne and lays her down in my arms. The light fuzz on her head is black. I start to cry.

Balthazar leans down and puts a hand on my shoulder. "She is fine Lara. I promise you I got it all out. I even left a piece of my grace in her to keep her safe." I've never seen Balthazar this happy before. He looks oddly complete I guess is the best word for it. Like he could die right now and die totally fulfilled and content. I can too.

I move my head up and kiss her forehead. "Dean it's our little girl." I say quietly. He smiles at me and leans down and kisses my head and Daphne's. I look down and I see that Eve has sewn me back up. I still feel numb for the waist down, they must have numbed me. "She is beautiful like her mommy." Dean says to me.

I move her to nurse her. I look up at Gabriel and he nods that it will be ok for me to nurse her. I want this moment with her before I die. I want to have the feeling of bonding with her. She latches on and eats greedily from my breast. Dean looks towards the angels and Eve and they all slowly leave the room. Dean looks down at me and I can tell he doesn't know I am going to die. I don't want to tell him. Once Daphne is done nursing I hand her off to Dean and he puts her on his shoulder and pats her back. I try to sit up but I'm still numb. Then I realize I am back in bed and not my tub. I am in new clothes too. It's my absolute favorite tshirt. It's the one Dean gave me the day he rescued me. It's threadbare by now but I still love it and refuse to pitch it. I give Dean a confused look. "They cleaned you up afterwards and got you back in bed. When Gabriel and Balthazar got the blood out of you it came out of your pores and it got pretty messy. Then you went into labor and they did an emergency C-section in our bath tub. Why don't you rest Lara? You must be exhausted."

I am exhausted but I don't want to miss anything with him. I reach up for Daphne. I want to say good bye. He puts her in my arms and I kiss her forehead and memorize her face. "I love you my beautiful little angel." I whisper in to her hair and I give her back to Dean.

"I'll be right back." Dean says. He walks towards the door and opens it and hands Daphne off to Balthazar. "I am going to get Lara to sleep and I'll be back out in a bit." He says quietly. Balthazar looks past Dean at me and frowns. He knows I won't be waking up.

I start to take off my necklace, my charm bracelet, my wedding ring, and my engagement ring. The rings are hard to get off, I haven't taken them off since I put them on, but I want Daphne to have them. I put them on the night stand next to me. "Dean I want you to make sure Daphne gets my necklace, my bracelet, and my rings when she is older."

Dean gives me a confused look and sits down on the bed next to me. "What are you talking about sweetheart?"

I can feel the tears swimming in my eyes. "Dean they couldn't get the blood out of me. Even if they could they can't heal me with the brand and the symbols the other demon carved into my skin. I am not going to make it Dean. I am so sorry. I love you so much."

Dean's face goes from confusion to fear to anguish. "You are going to be just fine Lara. You just need to rest and when you wake up you will feel better."

"I wanted to let you know that I have one regret." I say quietly trying not to push myself too far. I need a bit more energy to say goodbye. Dean grabs my hands. "What could you possibly have to regret."

I give him a weak smile. "We only ever had one big fight and I wanted to say I regret making you sleep on the couch for that week. I wish now that I didn't do that. I missed a week of sleeping with you. I just figured we had more time." Our biggest fight was about three years ago. He went on a hunt with Sam and when he came back he was drunk absolutely wasted. He claimed in his inebriated state that the only way to see the ghost was to be drunk. I didn't believe him and he loudly insisted he wasn't lying. It woke John, Cole, and Gabe up and it took me an hour to get them back to sleep. I had just found out I was pregnant and wasn't able to tell him that night because he was so drunk. The next morning he was really hung over and threw up all over our bathroom. I made him sleep on the couch for a week to learn his lesson.

Dean kisses my hands giving each knuckle a kiss. "Don't worry Lara we will have plenty of time to make up for that one week. I will sleep next to you every night for the rest of our lives."

I don't have the energy to fight him. "Dean I love you so much. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. These past years with you have been worth everything I went through before I meet you. I want you to promise me that you will not do anything crazy and try to bring me back. I don't want to come back to find out you made a deal and are going to die in a few years. I want you to raise our kids and if you can find happiness with someone else please take it."

Dean leans down and claims my mouth. My face is sore from the torture and I try to ignore the pain to kiss my husband. "You are going to be fine Lara, but I promise you that I will not make a deal and I will take care of the kids. I could never find someone else to take your place. Now why don't you rest, you must be exhausted." Dean says crawling into bed next to me pulling me into his side. I feel his tears coming down his cheek and falling on the top of my bare scalp where the demons ripped out my hair. He so rarely freely cries in front of me. I think the only time was when we saw Ben in the hospital for the first time. He realizes I'm dying.

"I love you so much Dean and I will love you forever." I say closing my eyes. I am just so tired. "I love you Lara and I will love you forever." I can hear Dean responding to me like I am in a tunnel. I feel my soul leaving my body and it feels relaxing. My body has become a prison. Separating from the pain of my prison feels freeing.

They weren't lying when they say you life flashes before your eyes when you die. It seems like an eternity of images and moments flashing even though it's merely moments. What they don't tell you is that it's only good memories and sometimes they are memoires you don't even consciously remember. I see my parents holding me in a nursery. I can only imagine that it's the nursery I used to wonder if I had. That safe place I hoped I was born into. I see Cas and Uncle Gabe watching over me and having a tea party with my two year old self. Then there is a long gape of time. There's only one moment from my entire time at the body farm, the first time my son Dean kicked me. I was so scared and angry about getting knocked up but when I felt him move in me for the first time all of that melted away and all I felt was love. The next thing I know I'm 24 and Dean just opened my cage and I'm hugging him. Moments of that night flash before me: Dean washing my cuts, Dean giving me a rosary and watching me sleep. Then I see our first unofficial date at the pizzeria and movie theater. The happiness that I felt in those moments warm me. We are in Santa Fe next and were dancing then we are swimming in the pool and before I can focus on that we are the horses. I move forward to when we are in Seattle where he gives me my charm bracelet and he takes me the Space Needle and carries me in to the room. Our first kiss at the falls and our make out session in the cabin also make an appearance even though we were pretending to be a fake couple. We are in the van next heading to the cabin to hide out and we both have just woken up from our dream about the vacation on the other path. It was a nice moment. Ah there is it. Our first real kiss. We are lying on the couch and we just finished the movie Spartacus and he kisses me for real. We are just us. Then the next morning he tells me he loves me and he will love me forever. He just proposed. That was one of the best moments of my life. It was perfect and the ring fit my finger like it always belonged there. Our trip to the beach and the night that he told me he wanted to have kids with me. Wow, it's our first wedding ceremony. We may have been forced to get married but it was a good moment, we wanted it. Our first time making love, again not under the best of circumstances but it was amazing and we got John. My favorite place, our home, the day we got it. Bringing Ben home. I sometimes actually forget that he wasn't just always with us and he's not our biological son. The day I signed those papers was one of the happiest moments of my life. Our first Christmas! The island that John was born on and finally holding my son for the first time and the look on Dean's face when he holds his son for the first time as well. I wish I had a camera for that moment. I would have loved to frame the photograph and keep it next to my bed. I refuse to leave the memory for a few moments.

Our second marriage and our brief honeymoon to Paris. It was brief and ended horribly but that was a beautiful moment. The first time Ben called me mom. The post apocalyptic path is not a place I thought I would go for the best moments of my life but I remember that afternoon when John brought my Dean to me. We conceived Cole and Gabe that day. It was one of our most passionate reunions. Coming home, finally coming home and knowing the angels weren't going to attack again. Holding my twin boys in my arms and seeing the look on Cas' face when he holds his charges for the first time. He never looked happier. Our vacation to Yellowstone and our hook up in the impala on the way there that got us Luke and Rick. Holding them and seeing Gabriel's face the first time he held his charges. Our first family vacation where we rented a large house at Lake Michigan and everyone came. The countless mornings with my family, the countless evenings with my husband… Finding out I was pregnant with Daphne. Telling Dean I was pregnant with Daphne. Seeing Dean in that warehouse for the first time in months and knowing I would die seeing him again. Holding Daphne for the first time and seeing the look on Dean's face when he held his daughter. Seeing Balthazar truly smile for the first time when he holds his little charge. Hearing Dean tell me he loves me and will love me forever has I die in his arms.

I slowly open my eyes again and I am in my home. I sit up in bed and I am alone. "Dean?" I ask jumping out of bed. I look down and my body looks whole again. I open the door and run down the stairs.

"Mom? Dad?" I ask the two people standing in my living room. The woman and the man look at me and smile. "Yes honey it's me, your mom and your dad." They walk to the stairs and hug me. I look past them and see two other people come in to the room. "Mr. and Mrs. Winchester?"


	92. Chapter 92

Dean's POV

"I love you so much Dean, and I will love you forever." Lara whispers to me. I can feel her body giving out under my hands. "I love you Lara, and I will love you forever." I respond to her with tears coming down my face. I have only cried in front of Lara willingly once and that was when we saw Ben in the hospital and I thought I lost him. The idea of losing Lara, my soul mate, my wife, my life, is too much for me to handle. I just got her back. I can't believe that the universe could even think of taking her from me again.

I have her in my arms and I can't force her to stay with me. She drifted off to sleep a few minutes ago and her breathing is less laborious. In her sleep she doesn't have to fight her lungs for air quite as much. I can feel her slipping away. Her breathing is slowing down quickly. I have been with enough people has they die to know what they feel like when they are going. I have seen enough people dying to know what the signs are. I just never thought I would hold Lara while she died. I figured I would go first. I hoped and prayed I would go first. I know I can't survive without her. I can't go on without her. Life isn't worth living. I just got her back! It's cruel.

Lara takes in a deep breath and I can feel her soul slipping out. Within moments she's gone. I am left with her body and that is all. It's not enough. I need her body and her soul. I keep her pulled into me. I can't imagine letting go of her. I need her. With her soul leaving I can feel mine dying with her. A part of me is being ripped out and going with her, and I will never get it back. That part of me is hers and I'll never feel it again. I can feel a sliver of her left with me. It must be part of the soul mate thing that Anachel told me all those years ago. I am nothing without her. How am I supposed to raise all these kids? How am I supposed to get up every day and go on like my life is still worth living when it clearly isn't?

Lara's body lies still in my arms. I don't want to let her go. I don't know how long I have been laying here with her but somehow I drift off. I need one more night with her. I don't want to think of all the nights I will have to sleep without her next to me. I need this night.

_"Dean, come to bed. We only have a few more hours before the kids wake up and I need you." Lara says from the bedroom. I just got home from a hunt and I wanted to shower quickly. I don't want the hunts getting on her. She knows what I do and she accepts it hell we had done a few together. But not that we are married and have kids and I don't them rubbing off on her. We agreed shortly after Gabe and Cole were born that I could take hunts when I wanted to as long as I always come home. I have kept that promise. Doesn't mean I want hunting to ever touch my Lara. _

_ "Just give me a minute Lara I need to shower." I yell back into the bedroom. I get the shampoo washed out when I feel lips on my chest. My eyes open quickly. "Lara!" I shout out. She smiles at me and kisses up my chest. _

_ "Yes Dean?" She says seductively. Every time I come home I completely forget why I leave in the first place. There is no place I would rather be in this world than in bed with Lara knowing my boys are just down the hall, but then there is a hunt that comes up. Sam and I are good. We are the best at what we do. So inevitably I take the job and leave them all behind. I hate every time I pull out of the drive way and look back at my Lara holding Gabe and Cole in her arms while she, the twins, John, and Ben wave goodbye to me. Then I come home. If it's early enough they will be waiting on the porch for me. But my favorite is when it's late and Lara is sound asleep. I love waking her up with kisses amongst other things. I bring the boys gifts home from my trips now. Maybe it's just tshirt or snow globe but I want them to know I think of them while I'm gone. I brought them back crystals from a mine I had to put some ghosts to rest in. They had a cute souvenir shop and Sam was making fun of me until he found one for Alex too. _

_ Lara's naked body is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. For the first time I can appreciate art because her body truly is a masterpiece. I wish she never had to put on clothes. She moves up my chest and is on her tip toes kissing me. Her breasts are rubbing against my chest and I am getting hard just having her near me. "So are you happy to see me Mr. Winchester?" She asks me slyly._

_ I capture her lips and bite into her bottom lip lightly. "You know I am Mrs. Winchester. I think of you every moment that I am gone. You know I hate leaving you and the boys." I mutter into her lips. _

_ "Then let me welcome you home properly Dean." She says with a purr. I grab her and spin her around pushing her against the wall pressing myself up against her. I want her so badly but something is pulling me from my memory. I fight to stay with her but I can't win._

The sun comes in through the partially drawn curtains and the brightness wakes me up. I don't like it. How can it be sunny when I feel so dark? I was dreaming of her. I don't want to leave that dream it's so wonderful. I look down in my arms and I see Lara's body cuddled in them. My tears have dried on her hair and I can see the residue of hers on her face. I trace the carvings on Lara's face with my finger tips. I don't like what they did to her. It makes me want to bring them back to life just to kill them again. They marred my perfect wife. I will try to remember her the way she was. She was always so full of life and energy. Her smile was so bright and made everyone around her happy.

Fuck, how am I going to tell our kids that she's gone? I can't look in their eyes and tell them that their mommy is dead. I just can't do it. I pull her closer to me and I can't help but notice how cold her body is. It's the warm body I have loved countless times in this bed. Now it is cold and lifeless. Her body is stiff and I can tell that rigor mortis is setting in, or I should say is set in. It feels like my heart is going into rigor mortis. It feels dead and rigid.

There's a knock on our bedroom door and I tighten my grip on Lara's body. She is still laying on my chest. "Who is it?" I don't want the boys seeing their mommy like this. "It's me Dean. It's Cas and Gabriel."

"Come in." I say quietly. The door opens and they both come in. They give me sad looks. Cas is my best friend besides my brother and one look from him and I know he knows how broken I am. "Dean, I am sorry." Cas says softly to me. I don't know what to say.

"I will try and bring her back Dean. I swear it to you. We need to bury the body soon Dean." Gabe assures me.

"NO! We can't bury her. She will need her body when you bring her back. Don't you dare touch her!" I scream at them putting my arms around her protectively.

Cas slowly moves to me and puts his hand on my arm. "Dean, Lara cannot come back to this body. It is not a place for her any longer. When Gabriel brings her back he will have to rebuild her like I did to you. You need to let us take her."

I look at Cas and I can tell he thinks he's doing right. I look up at Gabe and I see his doubt. "You can't bring her back can you?" I accuse him.

Gabriel refuses to look at me. He moves closer to me and he cradles the side of Lara's face. A single tear moves down his cheek followed by more tears. I know he loved her like a daughter but I can't comfort him right now. I just lost the most important person in my life. "I will try my hardest Dean. I will do everything in my power to bring her back. But you know the changes I have made."

I do know the changes. He doesn't confide in me that much. Gabe and I are closer than we were but we aren't exactly confidants. Cas has told me about all the changes and stability that Gabe has instituted in heaven. Lara has told me about it too. Gabe loves to talk to her and it's not uncommon for me to find them sitting on the couch talking late into the night. "I don't want her in the ground. It's cold and lonely." I cry out.

Gabriel heads into our closet and I'm not sure what he is doing. Cas takes a seat next to me on the bed. "Dean we will bury her with her son. She will not be alone." He tells me calmly. "I need you to go downstairs and talk to your boys. John is a nervous wreck and Ben hasn't slept at all."

I shake my head furiously. "I can't leave her up here alone Cas. I need to be with her." I plead with him.

"No Dean, your children need you."

"What you're saying because I have kids I can't mourn my wife?" I snap back at him. Cas lowers his eyes and shakes his head slowly. "No Dean. That is not what I said. What I mean is that you don't have the luxury to be swallowed by your pain. Your children that know about last night are a wreck, your twins are scared and agitated, and your little girl needs her you right now. She is only a few hours old and she needs her daddy. Now Dean we are going to prepare Lara and you need to go be with your children."

Dammit it if he isn't right. I have 7 kids who need me right now. I force my arms to listen to my head and let go of Lara. It physically hurts me to let her go. Letting her go is like a knife stabbing in my heart. "We will take care of her Dean. Is there anything in particular that you want her to be buried with?"

I shake my head yes and walk to our closet where Gabriel is going through Lara's clothes.  
>"I don't want her to go in the ground with her favorite tshirst so if you can bring her back she'll have it. She will never forgive me for letting you bury that shirt." I say with smile. I move down her rack and look through her clothing. I come across the perfect thing. It's her wedding dress from our first wedding. It was a good moment. It was the moment that I pledged myself to her till death do us part. Unfortunately death came sooner than I ever imagined it would. I wish I had gone first. I hand the dress to Gabe and he smiles slightly. "Yes she would like this."<p>

He takes the dress and heads back to the bed. I turn around and looked back at the bed. Lara's poor broken body is lying on the bed. It looks destroyed and so fragile. I try not to focus on her corpse and I leave the bedroom. I don't get far.

Balthazar is sitting in the rocking chair in Daphne's new room rocking her to sleep. I walk into the room and look around. It's not how it should look. It's not how Lara imagined it. "Can you make it look right Balthazar?" I ask him. He looks up at me and smiles and in no time the room looks like the little girl nursery that Lara always wanted for Daphne. The dark blue paint is changed to light pink. The curtains are now sheer lavender drapes. The dresser, changing table, and crib are white and have pink and purple bedding. The mobile is colorful happy butterflies. The toys in the room all have a distinctly feminine feel. I want to turn around grab Lara's hand and smile at how beautiful the nursery looks for our little baby girl, but she's not alive.

I move to him and I extend my arms for my daughter. Balthazar gives me a leery glance and I shake my head and he hands her over. I know he will die for my little girl. He would willingly kill and be killed for her. I will not have to worry about her safety as long as Balthazar is alive. That does give me some measure of peace, but I also know that Gabe and Cass would have done the same for Lara but she died. Daphne looks different then she did in my dreams. I know it is from the demon blood but it actually makes her look more like Lara. Instead of blonde fuzz on her head there are little sprouts of black hair sticking out. It's dark, like Lara's. Her eyes are restored to blue like Lara's too. She looks so much like her mommy. I can't look at her right now. I pull her to my chest so I can't see her and I rub her back for a moment. She's so little. I know she is premature. She was ripped from Lara a lot sooner than she should have been. "I'm going to take care of you little angel. I love you." I whisper into her fuzz.

Going downstairs is physically painful. I don't want to see my boys and know that their mom is dead upstairs. I don't want to leave her body upstairs alone. John is asleep on the couch with Anachel sitting next to him holding his hands. It's unnerving to see a little girl look up at me with adult eyes. Gabby, Jody, Sam, and Bobby are sitting at my kitchen table. They look positively sick with worry. Ben is standing next to the coffee pot and his hands are actually shaking from the amount of caffeine he has ingested the last few hours. "How is she?" Sam asks me wringing his hands together.

I shake my head no. I can't say it. Bobby jumps up and stands next to me. "Dean how is Lara?" He asks me. I can hear the fear creeping into his voice.

"She didn't make it." I say quietly. Hoping if I don't say it loud enough it won't be true. I see the shock on their face. Bobby stumbles back and Jody jumps out of her seat to steady him. "She didn't make it?" Bobby asks me.

"No, so didn't make it. It was too much on her. The blood, the carvings, the brand, it was just too much and it was too much on her. She's upstairs." The tears are coming back. I don't want to cry in front of them but it's pushing against my eyes.

There is a crash behind me and I turn around and see Ben standing next to the pot. I look down and his mug is smashed to pieces on the ground. "Mom is dead? She didn't make it?" He screeches. His breathing is becoming erratic and I know he is about to panic.

I run to Ben and pull him into a tight hug. He starts to sob into my chest. He doesn't have the problems I do showing my emotions. I don't know what to tell him to make him feel safe. To make him know it will all be alright because I know it won't be alright.

"Can the angels bring her back?" Gabby asks me from the table. Ben relaxes for a moment and gives me a hopefully glance. I shrug my shoulder. "I don't know if they can. Gabriel is going to try but he isn't sure." Gabby lets out a stifled sob and she falls into Sam's arms and starts to cry herself.

"Daddy?" I hear from the doorway. I look over and John is standing there. He looks confused and upset. Ben pushes me towards John and I move to him and knell in front of him. "Daddy why is everyone crying?" He asks me.

I pull him to me and give him a hug and kiss his forehead. "Honey what you did yesterday was amazing, but your mommy didn't make it. She's in heaven John."

John's eyes grow large with sadness and fear. "Mommy is dead? She didn't make it." He squeaks out. I pull him to me and allow him to cry into my chest. John starts to shake his head no. "Don't tell my brothers. If Gabriel can't bring her back I will." He says staunchly.

I feel the pressure change in the room like it does anytime one of the angels appears in a room. I can tell by the smell it's Gabe, he always smells like a fucking candy factory. I took the kids to Hersey park last year for vacation. We were there for a day then went down to Ocean City again for the rest of the week. It was a good trip. God I will never have another vacation with my wife and children again.

"John your power is not controlled enough to bring your mom back. Let me do what I need to do." Gabe says to John softly. John pushes me back and looks angrily at his Uncle Gabriel. "I can control it!" He yells at him.

Gabe pulls John into a tight hug. "John I know you are strong but I don't want to risk anything happening. Give me time John." He begs him. John pushes him away and runs into the living room and grabs Anachel into a hug. John looks back at us takes Anachel's hand and drags him downstairs with him.

I push Gabe back. "What do you mean he can't control it? That you don't want to risk something happening?" Gabe turns red and shrugs at me. "Don't play that with me. What is going on?" I demand of him.

"He isn't strong enough nor does he have the control to use his grace like that. He could bring her back wrong. Like bring back her soul to her body and it would stay rotting. He brings back just her soul and it would be a ghost. There are too many risks. If he was older and stronger it would be one thing but he's just a child."

Great, now I have to worry about John doing something crazy too. "I won't tell the other boys about anything until it is final. Is she ready?" I ask him. He slowly shakes his head and I follow him back upstairs.

Lara looks cleaner, more like I remember her. Her face still bares the scars of those demon ass holes but Gabe worked hard to make her look better. He must have spent a long time brushing out her hair. Her hair was in knots and now it looks much softer. There are still bald patches of exposed skin but he tried to brush it over it so look quite so tragic. I haven't seen her in her first wedding dress since the night she took it off.

There is a coffin sitting in the middle of the room. There is soft ivory silk lining the inside of the coffin that will be her final resting place. I don't like the idea of her body being alone in the ground. That body I have loved so much and so often. I gently pick her up and hold her to me for a moment. I indulge myself and hold her one last time. I kiss her lips and try to ignore the fact that they are cold. I try to ignore the fact they don't kiss me back. I try I ignore the fact that they taste like death. I lay her softly in her coffin. I hate the idea of her being in a coffin. She shouldn't be in a coffin. I should be in a coffin instead of her. She is so beautiful and seems at peace now. The last few hours I had with her she was so tired.

I can't be the one to shut the lid. I just can't do it. I look up at Cas and he must know what I am thinking because he shuts the lid softly and puts his arm on my shoulder for comfort. "I am sorry Dean. I truly am." He tells me quietly.

"Gabe please I don't want to dig a hole. I want her with her son." I know I don't need to say more. He will take care of it. "I will put her son with her and they won't be alone." He responds. Within moments she is gone. Her body is gone. Her soul has already left. I am nothing.


	93. Chapter 93

Cas' POV

Lara is gone. I love her like a daughter and she is gone. The world is colder without her. She was the sun to this family. She accepted me fully. She accepted all of us fully. I know she loved Gabriel like a father and he is devastated. The first time we thought she died he left heaven. He went on his own. I pray he won't leave us again. He is the rock heaven has needed for so long. Rick and Luke need him right now. Our little wards will depend on us more now. Dean is destroyed. There is no other word to describe what he is. Destroyed, broken down, miserable, vacant, hollow, dead, all of these words don't fully encapsulate what my best friend is. I wish I could ease his pain. I could offer to make him forget about Lara and he would feel better but I would never even suggest such a horrible thing. For him to forget about Lara would be to forget about a piece of his soul. The chunk of his soul that used to reside safely in Lara is gone from this plane. It is safely nestled in her soul in heaven now. A part of her is still with him too. That is why he hurts so much more.

She has been gone a week. An entire week without the sun.

"Cas?" Eve asks me coming into our room putting her arms around my waist. She likes using my nick name. I lean back into her. I love her so much. We have had 6 years together. We have lived every day like man and wife. We have lived everyday like true soul mates. We have opened our graces to each other so often and shared our bodies so frequently that parts of her of imbedded in my grace and parts of me are forever imbedded in her.

"Eve." I sigh out. I grab her hands and pull them to my lips. "How will we ever heal from this?" I ask her has much for them as for myself. I spent the afternoon with my little charges they were so sad and confused. Gabe and Cole can't understand why Daphne is now with them and their mom isn't. We lied to them and the authorities. We said that the child appeared on our front porch one morning. The police, minus Jody and Gabriella, are shocked. They have never heard of a kidnapper doing such a thing. They insisted on doing a DNA test on her and to their surprise she is Dean's and Lara's daughter.

Eve nuzzles her head into my back. "With time my love, with time. We have lived since the dawn of time and nothing refuses to heal with time." She holds me tighter, like she is saying good bye. "I need to speak to you Castiel."

I turn around in her arms and kiss her forehead. I knew this day would come. "Castiel, my time here has been borrowed. I must return to purgatory. Crowley is finally dead and I have to return home. My children need me."

"Not yet Eve. I can't say good bye yet." I beg her. I just lost Lara I can't lose her too. I lean down and capture her lips. She kisses me back and I can feel her love pouring into me. "I do not want to leave either but I must."

"I will come with you." I say quickly.

Eve shakes her head no. "Your place is here Cas. Your charges need you and I know you could never leave them."

"They are mortal Eve. I will be able to join you in about 80 years." I say hopefully. She shakes her head again. "You could never leave their descendants and I would never ask that of you."

I pull her to me tightly and I expand my grace to hold her. She expands hers to match mine and we are one. "I cannot live forever without you Eve." I whisper, afraid to speak.

"I do not know how I will do it either Castiel. These past years have been heaven to me. I will go back home and think of you and our time together every moment of every day. I will love and miss you with ever fiber of my being. I will never move on. I will never be with another. You are my one and only and I will miss you. I know I will be leaving pieces of me with you when I go and I welcome it. I want part of me to be with you if all of me cannot." She cries into my chest.

I can't lose her too. It is just too much. "Can you visit me?" I ask hopefully. We have avoided this conversation for years trying to pretend it would never affect us.

"No Castiel I don't believe I can. My place is in purgatory. It has been against the natural order of things for me to spend this time in this world. I will dream of a day that we can be together again someday even though it will be just a beautiful dream."

"It is a beautiful dream. We have lived a dream. I will never forget you Eve and I will be sending a part of myself with you. I will never look at another woman like I have looked at you. I will never touch another woman the way I have touched you. I will go on for eternity knowing that you are my soul mate. The part of my soul that was formed to complete me. The better part of me. The beautiful part of me. I am nothing without you Eve. I am nothing." I don't want to make her feel guilty but I want her to understand how I feel about her.

Tears are pouring down her beautiful face and I can feel them coming out of my eyes. These human bodies only know a limited way of showing their emotions. I can feel her grace cracking. I can feel my grace exploding into pieces. Chunks of me latch on to hers. When we are done our graces are jigsaw puzzles of each other. The grace that stays with me is equal parts her and equal parts me and I know she has the same. I will be able to feel her with me every day for eternity even if she is not with me. I will know her feelings. I will know what she feels. But I will never hold her again. I will never see her again. "Please my love, there must be another way." I mutter into her hair.

I feel her shaking her head no in my chest. "There is no other way. I promised God long ago that this is how it would be and I must keep up my end of the bargain." I pull her away from my chest and look into her eyes. "You promised God? He is gone now! He has left us here! You owe him nothing!" I yell back at her.

Eve raises her hand and caresses the side of my face. "I know the way your father has acted seems strange and even unfathomable to you. I knew him so long before you were created my love, my soul, my heart, my Cas. He and I would discuss our dreams for this world and our children. I cannot tell you why he left you and why he left our children. We were always friends and needed each other has confidants but we were never lovers. We didn't share everything. He told me he was leaving and that was all. I cannot do what he did. I cannot leave my children. My creations are my mine and mine alone. Humans were God's and I. I will watch over them but I am in charge of nurturing and protecting the souls of those humans who have turned. My first borns have watched over them but they need their mother. They need me. And I need you Castiel. I need you to breathe. I need you to love. I need you to live. The moment I leave you I will never be whole again but I must. I must go where I belong."

"Will you love me once more before you leave?" I ask her. She smiles at me and captures my lips. "I couldn't leave without one more time with you Castiel." She says with a smile.

How do I put all of my love into a kiss? I don't know how to but I try too. I kiss her passionately. I kiss her with abandon. I pour myself into her. I keep my recently changed grace open to her. I allow her to take whatever she wants from me and she allows the same. There is no part of me that doesn't belong to her. I pick her up in my arms and I walk us over to our bed, the bed we have shared for years now. I lay her out and I take a moment to commit her to memory. I want to remember how she looks in this moment for eternity. She moves to take off her shirt. "No Eve. I want to undress you this last time." I say softly.

Eve drops her hands and pushes herself up on the bed. I get on my knees at the end of the bed and crawl up to her. I lean down and kiss her lips while she rests her head on our pillows. We do not need sleep but we have used this bed plenty. I want to taste every inch of her body. I kiss all over her face, her eye lids, her cheeks, her hair line, her jaw bone and move down to her neck. I suck hard on her neck wanting to mark her flesh has mine. She moans contently beneath me and her hands grab my tshirt. She has told me that she likes me in a simple tshirt and jeans so I have worn just that almost every day since she told me of her preference. She pulls at my shirt beckoning me to move from her body just long enough for her to take it off. I oblige her and sit up and raise my arms has she brings my shirt over my head and throws in on the ground next to us. I grab the hem of her shirt and slide it out from under her body and chuck it next to mine. I trace the lace of her bra with my fingers. She smiles beneath me and closes her eyes. I move my hands down to her jeans and unbutton them pulling them down her legs. I slide down her body and pull her jeans off taking her socks off with them. I grab her by the hips and flip her on her stomach. She lets out a started laugh and I stand just long enough to kick off my jeans and boxers. I kiss the back of her calves and move up her legs until I reach her perfect behind. I splay my hands over my cheeks and kiss the small of her back. I make sure to touch and kiss every inch of her beautiful back. I unclasp her bra and slide it off her arms and I pull at her panties until they rip. I want to have her every which way before I say goodbye forever.

I grab a fist full of her hair and pull her head up so I can kiss the side of her neck. She gasps at my forcefulness and turns her head slightly to kiss me. "Take me Cas." She moans out. I am eager to please her for our last time. I plunge into her from behind and she moans against me. She moves against me trying to get more and more of me in her. I know from this position I can reach her g spot easily. I pound into her until I feel her walls tighten around me and she lets out a loud scream. "Cas!" She screams out beneath me.

Before she can recover and pull out of her and flip her back around on her back. Her eyes are clouded and I know she is still riding the wave of her first orgasm. I plunge back into her and she lets out another loud moan and she shudders. She quickly moves against my body and I come into her.

I collapse on her chest but I refuse to lie still. I need to memorize her front yet. I kiss her collar bones and move down and take her breasts into my mouth. She gasps and moves her hands through my hair. I continue to kiss her breasts until her nipples are hard and I can suck on them easily. Her hands move down towards me shaft and she begins to touch it softly. "I love you Eve."

"I love you Cas." She responds. She pushes on me and flips us so she is on top of me. She guides me into her and she beings to ride me. I am going in and out of her while her hips move around me. I can't accept that this the last time I will ever be in her. We are both moaning and screaming out each other's names not caring who could be listening. We expand our graces even further and I know the house is shaking. The entire world could be shaking for all I care at this moment. We cum together and she collapses on my chest. She traces the planes of my muscles making no movements to remove me from her. "I will miss you Cas." She states.

I trace my hands up her back and wrap my hands in her hair once again pulling her face to my mouth. "No more than I will miss you Eve."

Instead of pulling away from me she smiles and buries her face in my chest. "I love you more than I could ever put into words Castiel." She says has she disappears.

Within moments I am alone in bed. She is no longer draped over my body. My dick is no longer safe and warm inside of her. I have never felt so cold and alone. Not even when I was cut off from heaven. I lie in our bed a few minutes refusing to move. The moment I move the moment the dream is over. The moment I move she is officially gone.

Facts are facts and the fact is she gone. My new reality is a life, an eternity, without Eve. A part of me wishes we never got together. It is making it more painful now but I am glad we did. I wouldn't give up these past years for anything.

I grab my boxers and tug them on followed by my jeans and tshirt. I should go check on Dean and his children, especially my charges. I know my life will be them now. I have nothing else worth living for.

Dean's house is a mess. Jody and Bobby have moved in and have been helping Dean with the children. The twins have continued to sleep with Dean every night but I don't think he has slept. He lays in bed with his boys until they are asleep then he gets up and starts drinking. He spends exactly one hour staring at Daphne, one hour staring at John, one hour staring at Ben, and then another hour staring at the twins. Then he finishes the night off drinking until he blacks and manages to pass out back in his bed with his boys.

Balthazar appears in the living room with Daphne in his arm when he senses me. I don't think he has spent even a minute away from her since she was born. "You're different Castiel." He states. He can see and feel how my grace has blended with Eve's

I shake my head I agreement. "Eve has left." He shakes his head in understanding and Daphne starts to move against him and lets out a little cry. He immediately focuses his attention on her. He loves her and will protect her. "Where is Dean?" I ask him.

He nudges towards to the kitchen. I look at the clock and it's past midnight. I didn't realize my goodbye had lasted that long. Dean is sitting at the counter with a half empty of Jack and other bottles next to him. I walk in and he offers his bottle half heartily to me. "Join me and my friends Cas. I believe you are acquainted with Jack and Jose but have you meet Jim and the Captain?" he asks me slurring his words.

"What are you doing to yourself Dean?"

"Numbing the pain." He states casually. I grab the bottle he is drinking and I slam it against the wall of the kitchen. It shatters and covers the wall in the brown liquid and the floor in broken glass. "What the fuck Cas?" He yells at me stumbling towards me trying to hit me.

"You are disrespecting her memory Dean! What would Lara say if she saw you right now?" I spit back at him.

"She isn't here to say anything! The demons made sure of that! She is gone Cas and you know damned well she isn't coming back!" I hold my tongue for minute. It's true. Gabriel has been gone for a week and he recently sent word back that his case has been turned down. He is appealing it but we all know that St. Peter has put a metaphorical lock on the gates of the resting place of heaven. The past decades of abuse on the system has angered him greatly and he refuses to allow the natural order of things to be upset again.

"Think of your children Dean. They need you right now." I say calmly.

"You don't think I know that? All I think about is them and how they will grow up without a mother just like me. I have the right to mourn her Cas and this is how I am going to do it!"

I slap him across the face trying to bring him back. "You plan on spitting on your wife's memory Dean? That is how you plan on mourning her? Your children are asleep upstairs where you should be. Balthazar has been taking care of Daphne, filling in where you have been lacking. Jody and Bobby have moved in and have watched over your other children. Even Ben has had to put his grief aside and taken care of the boys while you drink yourself to death."

"So what I can't mourn Cas?"

I grit my teeth and shake my head at him. "No Dean that is not what I am saying. You can mourn her and you will. But you and her decided to procreate like a bunch of rabbits and you have 7 kids depending on you to get your act together and act like the father you are and be the husband your wife loved."

Dean slams his head on the counter and stays still for a moment and looks up at me with red eyes. "I can't do it without her Cas. I got used to her. She was my sun and I merely orbited around her. Now she is gone and I am in a free fall with nothing to ground me." I have never heard him so broken before.

I sit down next to him and put my arm on his shoulder. "I know how you feel Dean. I wish I could tell you something that would make you feel better but there is nothing I can say. You are going to feel like a part of you is missing until you die but I promise you will be reunited with her. You will spend eternity with her in heaven. That is another change my brother has insisted on. Under Raphael's rule souls were separated into their own heavens. Now loved ones can be reunited. I have it on good authority she is with her parents, her aunt Karen, her son, and even your parents Dean."

He looks up at me with the first glimmer of hope I have seen in his eyes in a week. "She is with her son? My parents are looking after her?" I give him a kind smile. "Her parents and your parents were there to greet her."

"We will be reunited again?" He asks me. I shake my head. "You will my friend. When you die of natural causes you will be reunited with your wife but if you kill yourself…" I don't need to finish my statement he isn't stupid. "It's more than I can hope for." I say sadly.

Dean looks at me and raises his eyebrow at me. "What do you mean?" He asks me.

I look at the counter and look longingly at the bottle of Jose on the counter. In the post apocalyptic world that Lara lived in for two months I became an alcoholic drug addict who dabbled in orgies and father knows what else. I now feel for the first time what I must have felt to make me go down that path. "Eve is gone. She went back to purgatory. I don't even have the hope that someday I will reunite with her."

"I am sorry Cas. I know you love her." This is unlike us. We have never had a heart to heart before. I look at him and try not to cry. "I do love her and will honor her memory but going on with my life."

Dean shakes his head in understanding and stumbles to the sink grabbing the half empty bottles of liquor. He pours them each down the drain and throws them in the trash. "I will stop this for her but I will not be able to stop mourning her."

"I wouldn't ask that of you Dean." He nods his head at me and leaves the kitchen to go back to his room. I blink away the broken bottle and go back into the living room to sit with Balthazar and Daphne.

a/n wow all of you alls (a bit of my country coming through) reviews have been amazing! I don't revel in the fact I have made so many of you cry but I do kind of like it. It means you're feeling what I meant you too. Do not fear I am going to completely finish this story and you will have closure on everything before I work on the sequel. Can any of you guess which kid the sequel will be on? I am uber (now some of german coming through) exited about the sequel and I am still piecing together the post apocalyptic world short story and working on born free the au to this story of what Dean's and Lara's life should have been together.


	94. Chapter 94

Lara's POV

I slowly open my eyes again and I am in my home. I sit up in bed and I am alone. "Dean?" I ask jumping out of bed. I look down and my body looks whole again. I open the door and run down the stairs.

"Mom? Dad?" I ask the two people standing in my living room. The woman and the man look at me and smile. "Yes honey it's me, your mom and your dad." They walk to the stairs and hug me. I look past them and see two other people come in to the room. "Mr. and Mrs. Winchester?"

The blonde woman in front of me smiles and waves her hand at me. "Please call us Mom and Dad or John and Mary. Mrs. Winchester is my mother in law which after I died I finally got the pleasure of meeting." She says trying to make a joke.

I look at them all and then look around the house. "I'm dead aren't I?" They all look at me but refuse to look me in the eyes. I start to move backwards but my mom grabs my hand and stops me. "Yes honey you are dead. I am really sorry."

I'm dead. What about Dean. How is he going to raise all of our kids alone? Daphne is not even going to know me and I doubt that Rick and Luke will remember me. Cole and Gabe might remember me just a bit and hopefully John but all my other babies will go on like I was never there. Poor Ben, he has now lost two moms. I miss them all so much. I want to hold them. I want to feel my babies in my arms and smell their unique scents. I want to be able to just make them breakfast. I can't even think about that fact that Dean is alive and I am dead. I want him to hold me tight and tell me everything is alright but he won't be doing that again until he passes away and everything isn't alright. I will never touch his flesh again. I will never feel his warm weight on top of me while we are making love in the middle of the night, or after the kids go to school in the morning. I will never feel his warm lips on mine again or feel his breath on my face when he tells me he loves me. I'm dead. I got captured and tortured and I've been ripped from my family. My first instinct is that Uncle Gabe will bring me back but I remember talking to him. He would talk to me late into the evening about everything going on in heaven. He was so stressed but at the same time he loved it. He told me about how he was restoring order to a place that had delved into utter chaos. He put rules in place so that people can no longer be killed and brought back at the whim of whatever angel was bored. This is my new home, an impression of the home I have left.

Mary walks up to me and gives me a tight hug. "I understand what you are going through so does your mother. We both had to leave our children when they were babies. We missed you all so much but there was nothing we could do. It gets easier and time passes differently here. There is someone I would like you to meet."

I give her a confused look and she leaves the living room. My mom and dad give me tight hugs. I don't' remember ever hugging them before. I know they used to hold me when I was a baby but I can't remember any of that. I did get to see it once when I was dying. That's a crazy way to look at something.

"Mom?" I hear from the doorway to the kitchen. I whip around and I'm looking at the spitting image of a younger Sam. "Dean?" I ask and I run towards the boy in front of me. I fall down on my knees and I touch his face and kiss his cheeks. "My baby." I cry out.

The boy in front of me hugs on to me tight and he is crying too. "Mommy." He cries out. It's my boy. I never meet him but I felt him in me for 9 months.

"You are so handsome Dean. I can't believe how grown up you look." The boy starts to blush. "This is definitely a most amazing surprise."

"Really?" He asks me slightly afraid and slightly nervous. "Yes honey I am so excited to have you in front of me."

Dean looks down and refuses to look me in the eyes. "I wasn't sure if I you were going to be excited to meet me or not. I know at the time you were scared and what I was supposed to be and how you meet my father."

I pull him close to me and hold him tightly. "Oh sweetheart I have been in love with you since the moment I felt you kick in me. Your father and I are very close now. You do not have to worry about who you were or were not supposed to be. You are my baby and that is all that matters."

"What about your husband, my uncle and namesake. Doesn't he hate me?" He asks me near tears.

I shake my head no. "Oh honey no Dean doesn't hate you. He loves me and your father very much and he loves you very much. He helped bring you home to be with us. He told me once that he was honored that I named you after him. I don't want you to ever worry about them. Everyone loves you and I am so happy to have you with me. I am so happy to meet you. It is a miracle I am with you right now. It's the silver lining to this whole I just died thing. You brought me so much joy. I know it doesn't seem like it. But the moment you first kicked in me I felt like everything was going to be alright. You brought me the first good moment I ever had in my life. You are my sunshine sweetheart and I love you so much it hurts sometimes."

"I love you to mommy. I have watched you. I would love to meet my brothers and I guess my little sister." He says very quietly just so I can hear.

I kiss him again. "You will someday honey. Just not for a long while." I smile at him. I am ecstatic to have son in front of me. I look up at Mary. "Thank you." She turns her head and I know she is a bit confused. "Thank you for taking care of my son."

Mary puts her arm around him and kisses the top of his head. "Oh honey it has been my pleasure. The moment he came here John and I ran to greet him. He is our little miracle. Once your parents found out he was your son a few years ago and when my boys found you they came running to meet your baby boy. He looks so much like my youngest." She says to me wistfully.

I stare at his face and I caress it softly. I can't believe my first born is in front of me. "He does look so much like him. I swear if you had a 10 year old Sammy in front of me I don't know if I would know the difference. Where have you guys been? I mean this is my house where have you been living before this."

John puts his arm around his wife. He looks so different than the way Dean explained him to me. I imagined him to look rough and surely. He looks the opposite. He looks happy and just like the kind of grandpa I wanted my boy to have. "We have been living in the house that Mary and I raised our boys in. Normally they kept people apart in their own heavens but Castiel meet me when I passed away and found a way to bring me to my wife." He looks down at her the same way Dean looks at me. Like she is everything to him and nothing else matters. "We went back to the home we were first married in and when we heard Sammy's boy came here we managed to sneak him with us too."

He had the life I wanted him to have. It was filled with love and happiness. That is what I hoped so badly for him. I wanted him to have the life I never had to feel loved and to go to sleep every night knowing someone cared about you. A hand comes around my shoulder and I jump until I look over and I see it's my mom. "Hey honey why don't we go into the kitchen and relax for a bit." She must know that I am most comfortable in my kitchen. There is nothing I love more than being in there and cooking for my family. I let her lead me in to my safe spot and everyone centers around the island. I know it's silly but I start to pull things out of the cupboards and the fridge to cook. Everything I want juts appears, heaven is a lot easier than going to the grocery store every week.

"So what happens now that I am I here? Do I ever get to see Dean again? My other children?" I ask them my anxiety rising with every word. Mom starts cracking the eggs next to me trying to bring me back to the task I started.

"Honey time is different here. You will see Dean again and all your babies. It will seem like an eternity and a minute all at once. Time here is not like it is on earth. You can have an entire lifetime in a moment or push a moment forever." She is trying to reassure me that I can do this without him until he is with me.

I try to think over what she has told me. Maybe I can make this lifetime without my soul mate only take a moment and before I know it he will be with me. I can feel part of him with me and I can feel a part of myself missing. When I am with him I feel whole. It's not I feel empty without him it's just I have a gaping hole in me without him.

We spend the day together if that is what you call it here. I am enjoying every moment I have with my son. It's better than I could ever imagine having him with me. He's amazing. He's funny and smart. I wish I could have raised him. Dean, my son, grabs on to my arm so that I look at him. "Mom I don't want you to feel guilty. Me dying is the best thing that could have happened. If I had stayed alive I would have become the anti Christ. I would have done horrible things and killed millions. I would have spent eternity in hell with Lucifer. This way I get to spend eternity here in heaven with you and the rest of my family." I kiss his forehead. I never thought of it that way. It's not I wouldn't have loved to spend every moment with him but I guess I understand what he means. He would have been manipulated and changed until I could no longer recognize him.

Sleep isn't something that is strictly needed in heaven but it's a human thing that our souls don't necessarily realize we don't need anymore. It's comforting. I don't know who if anyone had been sleeping in mine and Dean's room but no one fights me for it. My son takes the room next to mine and my parents and Dean's parents head "next door". Apparently building our heaven is fairly easy. The home I was raised in until I was 2 is to the left of this one and the home Dean grew up in is to the right. Everything around us looks well like heaven. It looks like our homes are in the middle of a spring meadow. Flowers are blooming and at night I can hear the crickets chirp and there are even lighting bugs. It's quite peacefully.

Our room is just like our room at home. I just have to imagine what I want and it's there. Our photos are on the nightstands as well as the dresser. I am surrounded by our lives but he isn't here. I just want him with me. I can almost trick my brain into smelling him on his pillow. I cry myself to sleep for the first of what I can only assume will be many nights.

Dean's POV

It feels like an eternity since I have held her in my arms. My arms feel so empty now even with all of our kids. I want her in bed next to me. I want her in the kitchen when I wake up. I want her sitting in the passenger seat when I drive. I want her back.

I hate to say it but it's not fair. In the original path we were supposed to live in I was going to meet her when I was 13 and basically spend the rest of my life with her. I marry her once I get back from hell and die at a nice old age with her next to me. But not here. Even in that apocalyptic world that Zachariah meet I get her. A few years ago what happened there changed in my mind. I remember the first time I went and everyone dying but in some strange way I remember another way too. I remember going there and Lara is with Dean. Now at the time I don't know who she is but I know it was her.

Bobby and Jody have been a major help. They moved in and have helped me take care of the boys and the house. For the life of me I don't know how Lara ran this house and this family like a well oiled machine. I have Bobby, Jody, Balthazar, and Cas helping me night and day and I can't seem to keep it together. Just the simple act of getting them fed and dressed in the morning is difficult. I know the others miss her but I have a hard time remembering what she was to them due to what she was to me. She was everything. Gabby can't cook in her kitchen. She's tried but she ends falling apart and leaving the house so she doesn't upset the boys. Sam, Gabby, Alex, and Dan stay at their home and try not to add to my stress but they are all hurting too. Dan especially was close with Lara. They were kindred spirits in a way. Alex was always more like me a little hell raiser.

I have scared Sam on numerous occasions now. His bedroom faces my back yard. I have started going out to Lara's grave site once the boys go to sleep. I just like to talk to her. I'll talk to her for hours about the boys and how much I miss her. A few times I have drifted off on the ground above where she is resting. Sam finds me and wakes me and gets me back into my bed before anyone can notice I'm gone. He's worried I'm going to kill myself sometimes I think. I can't though. First of all it would destroy our children and I would never do that to them. Second of all I would go to hell. I would spend eternity without her. Gabriel has promised me that I would be reunited with her when I died.

If any of the many women I bedded in the past could see me now I have a feeling that would be in hysterics. Dean Winchester, notorious ladies man, happy bachelor, wanting to die at the loss of his wife. I always knew if I fell I would fall hard. I just didn't realize how much the fall could hurt. I never do anything half ass. Everything I do I do to the best of my ability of it's not worth doing. I loved her with my whole being and now I am trying to find what's left of me and I'm not finding much.

I've been told that often times when a someone in a elderly couple dies that survivor dies soon after. A part of me wishes my heart would just give out. Haven't I hurt enough in my life time? I have been hurting since I was four and my mom died. Then I had to watch my dad self destruct and finally die for me. Sammy is a whole other list of hurts. Him leaving me for college, him dying, him drinking demon blood, him starting the apocalypse, him losing his soul. Hell I sold my soul at one point and actually spend 40 years in hell. I deserve to be able to have a full body shut down and let me finally rest. But I can't. I can't leave my kids. I can do this for a few more years without her. I can put on my happy face and make sure my kids grow up the way Lara always wanted them too. She wanted them to be happy and always feel loved and safe. She wanted them to have the opposite of what we had and I will force my heart to keep beating to make sure that wish of hers is fulfilled. I know without her they will and are all suffering but I can try to ease that and make sure they still feel loved.

Recently I starting making the boys sleep back in their rooms. It was time for me to start making our kids get back into a routine. I have been keeping them in a perpetual state of mourning and I had to change that. They need to have the childhood I didn't. I can understand my father better now. At the time I didn't think much of it. I mean it was just the way I was raised. Dad did his best and honestly if I just had two kids maybe even just three I might have pulled a John Winchester and taken my children all over America trying to seek revenge on the creatures that took my wife from me. But we have 7 kids. I can't even fit us all into a minivan let alone one hotel room. Also John made sure that what actually killed my wife isn't left for me to seek revenge on.

I had eight perfect years with her and those years are worth everything I am going through now. Yes there were supernatural problems during that time but I had her. We were only rarely separated when I had a hunt. I got so used to having someone to come home too, hell having a home to come home too. Jody told me that the authorities want to write Lara of as dead. I know she is but them sending me a death certificate would be just too much for me to handle right now.

It's been a month. A month without the sun. I don't know how I have done it but someone I have. Cas had to shake me up a bit a remind me what my priorities were. I was getting drunk and letting my grief take over every aspect of my life. Now I realize I still have 7 good reasons to live. I have Ben, John, Cole, Gabe, Rick, Luke, and Daphne. Those are seven of the best reasons I could ever come up with. Besides that if I fuck this up I have a feeling Lara will kick my ass when I die.

"Dean?" I turn around and Cas is standing next to my bed. I nod my head in acknowledgement. He extends his hand and there is an envelope in it. "Here, Lara wrote this years ago when she went to other plane. She wanted you to have this if she didn't make it."

I grab the letter and hold it to me. I can recognize her hand writing on the envelope. My heart skips a beat seeing _Dean_ in her scrawl. He disappears allowing me to have a moment to myself. I know he is hurting too. I haven't seen him smile since Eve left. He is like me, he's missing a part of his soul. There isn't a lot to smile about when you feel empty.

It may be in my mind but I can smell her on the letter. I want to rip open the envelope and read every word like a kid on Christmas morning but I know I need to savor this. This letter might be the last thing I ever get to hear from her that will be new. I can't risk rushing the moment. I take a deep breath and lay back on her side of the bed. I slowly open the letter so I don't rip even a letter of her writing. I open the pages and start to read.

_Dear Dean, my love, my heart, my soul,_

_ If you are reading this I died while I was on the other side. I am so sorry I couldn't keep myself alive. I can only pray that I managed to keep John alive. Take care of him and make sure he knows how much I love him._

_ I know that you are going to be all angsty and blame yourself for everything. I hate to make a joke at a moment like this but you know that is what you are doing right now. None of this is your fault. Me dying is not your fault. It's just the cards we were dealt with. I know it seems impossible to raise John and Ben without me right now because I would be thinking the same thing in your shoes but you will do fine. You are such an amazing father and don't pretend you don't know that. Ben worships you and John loves you so much. You will be fine without me. Just make sure they eat healthy sometimes. I know to you a balanced meal is lettuce and tomato on your cheeseburger but I swear Dean you need to make sure they eat their vegetables and their fruit too! I don't have a problem quilt tripping you in to doing that. It is my dying wish that you make sure they eat right… So maybe a bit dramatic but I just want to make sure they do. _

_ There is so much to tell you and no way to put it all down on paper. How do I explain in words how amazing you have made my life? It's so hard. The English language doesn't have the ability for me to explain how much I love you. Sometimes at night when I couldn't sleep I would lie there and try to sync my heart beat up to yours until it did. _

_ Time is measured in BC and AD for the rest of the world but for me it's BD and AD. Before Dean and After Dean. Nothing before is worth remembering and everything after the first moment I heard your name when Ruby was wearing my body is a moment I cherish. The first time I saw you plays over and over again in my mind. I see you coming down the stairs and crossing that filthy room to my cell and grabbing my hands. You assured me that everything was alright and that I was safe. I knew that I was safe and that everything was going to change in that moment. The sound of you putting the key in the lock and clink of the lock opening is more beautiful than any song you have played for me since then. _

_ The angels said we are soul mates but that doesn't even being to describe that we are. The feeling when are with me is like flying and loving and laughing, and pure joy all at once. We are so amazing together and I am so sorry that you will have to finish this life without me. I wish I could be there for everything. I already had our 50__th__ wedding anniversary planned out. (you will just have to wait to find out when me meet again in heaven.)_

_ I know it hurts now. I can only imagine how I would feel if they told me that you had passed away and I was left in a world without you but I will pray that it gets better for you. I know you have told me that there no life after me but Dean you have to live. You have to have a live without me. Our boys need you and they are the best reasons to live I can think of. _

_ I will watch over you if I am allowed. Know that I will be loving you with every fiber of my being and every ounce of my soul while we are separated. You are everything to me and I know I am leaving parts of my soul with you and I am glad to know that a part of me will always be with you and that I will always have a part of you. _

_ You do what it takes to forge a life for yourself and our boys. I love you more than anything and nothing you could ever do could possibly change that. My love for you is eternal. From this moment on live love please just live for me. _

_ I love you,_

_ Lara_

I lay in bed for hours after reading her words to me. I read them over and over again until I have them burned into my mind. I don't want to but I let out a sob. I hate crying. It makes me feel so weak but I can't help it. I got weak with her. I was lulled into a fake sense of security that our life was going to be perfect after Raphael died. For those six years it was though. I have to do what she wanted. I have to live and take care of our children. No excuses I just have to do it. It doesn't matter how much it hurts or how hard it is. I have to do it.

a/n so has I hinted in the story the other path story is coming up. It's going to be a short story nothing like this. It's up under the name Breaking Free. I just put the first chapter up so give it a try!


	95. Chapter 95

a/n sorry I put up the wrong chapter! This one is the right one!

Johns POV

Everyone treats me like a child. I know I am a child but come on people I am also God. They all refuse to flat out tell me they can't bring mom back. They tip toe around it like I will break at the news. I miss her. She's, well, she's mommy. She is the best mommy in the world too.

My little siblings are a mess. Cole and Gabe can hardly sleep through the night. They are young and don't quite comprehend what is going one. I made daddy promise NOT to tell any of them that mommy is dead until I have accepted it… which I won't ever. I can fix this if everyone would stop treating me like a normal 7 year old. Rick and Luke have already begun to forget her. They miss her in a way. They know that there is something missing but they don't remember her. They will sometimes just stare at a picture of her and I see them trying to place her. I guess I can't blame them. They are 3 years old, just babies still. Daphne is even younger, just a month old. I want to be mad at her. She is here and mommy isn't but I can't. I love my little sister so much that I sometimes I sneak into her room in the middle of the night while Balthazar is keeping his vigil over her just to look at her. He hasn't' left her side. Daddy makes time for all of us on our own everyday but Balthazar still doesn't leave her while daddy is with her.

"wwaaaahhhhhh!" Daphne is wailing again.

I run up the stairs and go into her nursery. It's a lot different that the room I lived in. It's all girl now. Once I get into the room I stop running and slowly walk up to them. Balthazar is sitting on the rocking chair with Daphne propped up on his shoulder. "Is she alright?" I ask trying not to scare her.

Balthazar smiles at me and continues to rub her back. His hands looks so big on her little back all covered in pink. "She is fine. She just woke up and was a bit startled that all." I hear my dad talk to the angels about how she looks different. Her hair was supposed to be blonde but it is jet black.

"What woke her up?" She usually sleeps pretty soundly through her naps in the afternoon. Balthazar nods his head toward the wall between Daphne's nursery and our parents' room. Daddy is a strong man. I hope I can be like him when I grow up. He doesn't let us see how broken up he is about mommy but when none of us are around, or he thinks we can't hear or see him, he lets go. I can hear a muffled sob through the wall. Hearing my daddy cry is one of the most horrible sounds I have ever heard.

I stare at the wall for a few minutes. To be honest I kind of zone out. This isn't what it was supposed to be like. I can't fully tap into or control my grace but I know that this isn't what we were supposed to have. We were supposed to be just a happy family. Yes, of course, there would be problems but nothing like this. My siblings could have had that, if they agreed to be born without me and went to different families. But they stuck by me refusing to be born without me, their older brother. I don't know how I know that but I do. I need to make this right for them.

Daphne has finally stopped crying and is laughing in Balthazar's arms. Her blue eyes are really large, just like mommy's, and she is looking at Balthazar like he is her world. I guess he has kind of taken over her little world. She is doing well though and that is all that matters.

I know what I have to do now. That sob that I heard through the wall explained everything I needed to know for sure. Mom isn't coming back unless I do something about it. Uncle Gabriel can't do it but there is no restrictions on me.

Before I leave her room I walk over to her and lean down and kiss her forehead. "I am going to make it all better sis. I love you." I turn around and leave the room.

The day daddy told Annie's parents that she was the angel Anachel they handled it really well. They freaked out mildly but they adjusted to it easily. They now let us spend all the time together that we want. She's my best friend and confidant. Sometimes I wonder if I would be able to do it without her. Yea I know that's a bit dark for a 7 year old, but I'm not just any 7 year old.

"Hey John!" Anachel exclaims when I come back down the stairs to find her in my room. She grabs me and gives me a hug.

"I need your help Anachel." I say kind of shyly. She gives me a big smile and jumps on my bed. "What's up." She has easily adapted to her life has a child.

I take in a deep breath and pace the floor for a moment. I'm not sure what she is going to say. "Uncle Gabriel can't do what needs to be done but I can. I want to bring mom back." I say in one breath hoping to just gloss over the hard part and hoping she'll just agree.

Anachel jumps out of the bed. "John I don't think we can do that. I mean Peter has told your Uncle no numerous times. You're not powerful enough for it either John you don't have the control." She seems genuinely nervous.

"Please Anachel, I need your help to center me and bring her back. I can't do this without you but I will try it if you refuse to help me." Nothing she can say can make me change my mind. I am bringing her back for me, my dad, and most of all my siblings.

She looks around the room as if someone could be listening to us right now. "You're really doing do this with or without me?" I shake my head yes. She takes in a deep breath. "Ok, I would rather do this with you instead of you try to do something crazy on your own."

I grab her hands. "Thank you Anachel."

She lets out a sigh and keeps a hold of my hands and has me sit on the floor with her. "Ok I want you to close your eyes with me." I close my eyes and wait for her to give out the next instruction. "Now I want you to focus on your breathing and try to come in to contact with your grace. When you are older this will be so much easier but for now you are still inexperienced and young." I do has she says and I focus on my grace. I try and feel it and start to explore around it. I feel how it moves through me and I try to grab a hold of it and use it. Slowly but surely it becomes one with my conscious mind.

"Now John I want you to let your grace go. I want you to focus on your mom's energy and find her. Let your grace leave your body, leave this plane, and reunite with your mother. It is going to feel strange and uncomfortable but I want you do it. I will protect your body here."

The power is a rush. It becomes one with me and flows out of me. I try to focus it on my mom. I think of my mom's energy and her soul. I miss how it feels to have her kiss my forehead before I go to sleep. I'm traveling. I can feel myself moving through time and space but it feels so strange but at the same time it's how I'm supposed to be. "Go to her and bring her back. Focus your grace on giving her life. You will need to rebuild her body. Have her form her body in her mind for you to build from." Anachel says to me but sounds like she's underwater.

Traveling like this is fun! It's so fast and exhilarating. I move fast and before I know it my grace is back inside my room. I open my eyes and look around. Anachel is no longer there. I get nervous for a moment I mean she was just here. Then I take a breath. I'm in heaven. Of course this would be how my mom pictured her heaven. She told me numerous times that this is her favorite place on earth. She loves being at home with her family.

I stand up slowly and I leave my room. I take the stairs and I take a deep breath that I don't need before I open the door. I hope she is here. I grasp the door handle and I slowly turn it and push the door open.

MOM!

She is standing with her back to me at the stove. She is just like I remember her almost a year ago before she was taken from me. "Mommy?" I say only barely above a whisper. Mom turns around "Yes honey." The smile on her face fades and is filled with shock then an even bigger smile takes over her face.

"Mommy." I cry out. She drops the pan she was cooking with on the stove and comes running over to me. She gets on her knees in front of me and pulls me into a tight hug. "How did you get here?" She asks.

I smile wide. "Anachel helped me figure out how to get you mom. I am going to bring you home."

"Honey that is too much for you. I can't ask for that."

"You're not asking mom I'm here because I wanted to and I want to bring you home. My siblings need you and quite frankly dad is a wreck without you. I can do this mom." I want her to believe me and agree to this.

She hugs me tighter. "Oh sweetheart, I have missed you all so much. I want you to meet some people first. Just wait right here." She runs out of the kitchen and outside. I'm not sure where she is going but I do what she asks and I wait in the kitchen until she comes back.

After a few minutes she comes running back into the house with five adults and one kid trailing behind her. "Honey I want you to meet some very important people." She motions to the folks behind her. She grabs the blonde and the brunette behind her. "Honey these are my parents, your grandparents. Grandma Betty and Grandpa Frank Maywin." She then motions to the other blond and brunette couple. "These are your daddy's parents Grandma Mary and Grandpa John." She points to the one lady standing between the two couples. "This is my Aunt Karen, Grandpa Bobby's first wife." The boy grabs on to her. "And honey this is your older half brother Dean."

My instinct is to hide from him. He's the anti Christ. We are opposites. We are mortal enemies only right now he just looks a kid. I think he is having the same visceral reaction that I am having. He looks like he wants to run. Both sets of my grandparents come over to me and take turns hugging me, then Karen comes over. I like the feeling of these people. Their souls are good and kind. I wish they were all still on earth with me. I guess the way it was supposed to be I would have had Aunt Karen, well I guess Grandma Karen. The boy named after my daddy looks at me through the people and tries to wave at me and I wave back. "It's nice to meet you Dean." I say quietly.

He slightly blushes and looks back at me. "Nice to meet you to John. I have heard a lot about you and my other siblings." He seems nice. I am glad that I get to meet him like this and not like we were supposed to. I don't fully remember it but I know we fight each other. Now we don't have to worry about that. Only he would have only been my cousin not my half brother.

I don't want to rush things but I can feel my grace trying to get back to my body. "Mommy I'm sorry but we have to do this. I need to build you back and get you back home. The kids need you, dad needs you, and I need you."

Dean grabs on to her. They haven't had that much time together but I know time in heaven if so different for all I know they have spent an eternity together in the month she has been here. I understand him though. Just like me he wants to keep her here with him but I want to take her home. For a moment I don't think he will let her go. I start to get a bit angry. He has no right to keep her here. He is being self just like the anti Christ should be. Then he surprises me. He gets on his tippy does and kisses her cheek. "I will miss you mom and I am glad we had this time together but your living family needs you more. I will be fine here with our family until you, Uncle Dean, and daddy come back to me." I wasn't expecting him to be able to be so selfless. He isn't at all what he would have been turned into it. I guess it really is just the devils influence and all the demon blood that would have been pumping into him that made him evil. I almost wish I could bring him back and have him has my big brother but I know better. If I bring him back the demons will take him and make him what he was supposed to be. Here he can be happy and at peace.

I grab my mom's hand and lead her away from our family has she says good bye. I take us back to our room and sit her down next to me. "I need you to focus on your body mom. I have to rebuild it and I need your images of it to do it. I am going to fuse it with your soul and bring you home."

Mom looks at me with all the trust in the world and she closes her eyes and starts to think of her body. I close mine to and connect with her. After what seems like hours I finally have her body rebuilt and I am able to trap her soul in it. We go tumbling back down to earth and we wake up on the floor of my room with Anachel looking over us.

Lara's POV

I open my eyes slowly. When I do I see Anachel and John hovering of me like I am some kind of science experiment. I sit up slowly still a bit shaky. I look down and I am wearing a white gauzy dress. Memories flood over me. I was dead, then I was in heaven, then John came. Oh my god I am alive again. I grab my boy to me and hold him tight. "John!" I cry out into his hair. He clutches onto me and cries into my chest. "Mommy." He mutters again and again.

I feel Anachel put her hand on my back. "I am so glad you are back home Lara. I was worried something would be get messed up I am so glad to see you are back to normal." I look over my son at her and smile through my tears. "How long have I been dead?" I ask her.

She smiles at me. "A month, Gabriel tried to get you but Peter so no. John decided he wasn't going to wait any longer and I helped him. I stayed here and watched over his body. It's about midnight. Dean came down a few hours ago to tuck John in but I shooed him out before he could find out what was happening." Dean. That one word sends my heart into a tailspin.

I let go of John and pull him away from me so I can get a good look at him. "I love you so much honey." He smiles at me and lets out a loud yawn. "You must be exhausted sweetheart. Why don't you go to sleep and we will talk more in the morning." He smiles and shakes his head. I pick him up and put him bed and pull the covers up over him and kiss his forehead. He's asleep in minutes. I look at Anachel. "Stay with him please." She shakes her head yes and gets into bed next to him and goes to sleep as well.

I leave my baby sleeping in his room and go next door and open the door to find Ben asleep on the bed. He's on his stomach with his feet hanging over the bed. He has the picture of him and me in his hand from our first Christmas together. I feel a sob catch in my chest. I run over to the bed and I remove the picture and kiss his forehead. I pull the covers up over my grown boy and stare at him for a few minutes. He slowly opens his eyes and looks at me and smiles. Then it's like a light bulb goes off and he jumps out of bed. "MOM!" He yells.

I catch him in my arms and hold him close. "Yes honey it's me. Your brother managed to bring me back." I feel Ben's tears on my chest mix with John's. My poor babies.

"Mom I thought I would never see you again. We have been a mess without you. I thought it was bad before but it has been…" I cut him off and kiss his cheeks. "It's alright now honey. I am back we don't have to worry about any of that stuff anymore. I want you to get some rest I am going to go check on my other babies and then go see Dean. I love you so much Ben."

Ben starts to blush. "Dad is going to flip." He says with a smile. I lean in and kiss his forehead again. "I love you."

"I love you to mom." He says laying back down in his bed. I shut his door softly behind me and make my way upstairs. I find Gabriel and Castiel pacing the kitchen like a couple of worried mother hens.

"Lara!" They both say in unison. I grab them both in tight hugs. Gabriel pulls me out so he can look me. "They told me your soul just disappeared. I was frantic."

"John." I respond motioning downstairs. Gabriel lets out a relived sigh. "I told him not to do it but I am glad he did. I was worried he wouldn't be able to. Oh Lara I am so glad you are back darling." He says starting to cry. He pulls me back into a tight hug.

Castiel gives me a hug once Gabriel releases me again. "This is a miracle Lara. We all needed you back." He looks sad. I can tell Eve is gone. She always said she would go back once Crowley was stopped. I want to talk to him about it but now isn't the time. I need to touch my babies. I need to touch Dean. Castiel and Gabriel all but push me upstairs. "Go check on your kids I know that's what you really want to do."

I smile at them and run up the stairs taking a quick left to get to Rick's and Luke's room. They are sound asleep in their toddler beds. I run over them and touch their faces just memorizing how they look, feel, and smell. My babies, I think to myself. I know if they were awake they would be looking at me with their dads bright green eyes. I listen to them breath and I lean down and kiss their heads and pull the covers up around them. I shut the door quietly looking at them until the door is shut.

The room next door over has Gabe and Cole. They are asleep on their bunk beds and Gabe is clutching Captain fuzzy to him like his life depends on it. I walk over to them and kiss them each. They both move around a bit but stay asleep. I kiss them and leave the room.

The last bedroom is my little girls. I never had the time with her I needed. I open the door and I see Balthazar sitting in a rocking chair next to the crib. He looks up at me and shock fills his face then joy. He jumps up and runs to me and catches me in a tight hug. "Lara." He whispers into my ear.

He puts me down and I smile at him and run to the crib that holds my youngest. She is sound asleep in her pink and purple nightgown. The butterfly mobile turning and making its lovely music above her. I turn around and look at Balthazar. "Thank you. I know you have been taking care of her." I say softly.

Balthazar starts to blush and get a bit flustered. "She's my charge of course I am going to take care of her." I walk over to him and kiss his cheek. "You went above and beyond." I turn around and I look back into the crib and brush my hand over my baby's cheek. I want to pick her up and hold her to me but I can't risk waking her up. I take a deep breath and turn around and wave at Balthazar.

I stop at the door to my room. I am a bit nervous. What if he doesn't believe it's me. I take a deep breath and turn the knob to our room and walk in. Our room is a mess. There are clothes all over the place, it's dusty, and needs vacuuming. I can hear Dean breathing on the bed. I walk over to the bed and he's lying there clutching on to my pillow. His face looks pale and I can see the dark circles under his eyes. I brush my hands over his face and I lean down and kiss his lips. "Lara." He mutters out still a sleep.

"Yes Dean it's me." I say softly. He opens his eyes slowly and I'm greeted by his green eyes. Hope and love fill them and he sits up. He pulls me into a passionate kiss and I move to straddle him. He continues to brand my lips and move against me. After a few minutes he stops our kiss and we are both panting. "I am dreaming aren't I?" He asks me almost in tears.

I smile at him and lean down and claim his mouth again. "You're awake Dean. It's me. John brought me back."

a/n So I have updated Born Free the AU to this one of how their lives were supposed to be so if you haven't read that one and like this story you will probably like that one too.

I have also updated Breaking Free the story of what happens to asshole Dean and Lara in the post apocalyptic world that Lara goes to when they are hiding from Raphael.

So go and read those ones to if you have the chance!

Now that I am done shamelessly plugging my other stories… what do you think of this one?


	96. Chapter 96

Sam's POV

My brother is lost, destroyed, dead. He is a mess and a shell of the man I have known my entire life. Sometimes I wish he never meet her than he wouldn't be mourning her. I have actually found him asleep on her grave a few times. He claims he just feel asleep but I don't know if it's true or not. I pray he doesn't try and kill himself. His boys will never recover from that. When did he become that guy? The guy who is so completely taken over by his depression he's no longer recognizable. He misses her. More importantly he will never get over her. I have seen him one night stand countless women but I have never seen him fall apart from one woman. A part of me is ecstatic that he has become so attached to a woman that he is destroyed by the loss of her. Another part of me is unable to cope with Dean's loss. I will never get over this for him. He loves his wife and will never heal. Again there is a part of me that hopes he can at one point move on and find happiness with another woman. But a bigger part of me hopes he will mourn her till the day he dies. That her name will be the last thing on his lips as he dies. I guess I'm a sick fucker now. But I know Gabriella will be the last word on my lips as I die so I assume my brother will be the same.

"Gabriella?" I yell out quietly. She has been in the bathroom for a long time. She doesn't respond I jump out of bed and go into the bathroom to see how she is doing. I find her hunched over the sink sobbing. I run to her and grab her in a tight hug. "What's wrong baby?"

"I miss her Sam." She cries in to my chest. "I really miss her." I know what she means. We all miss Lara. I keep my arms around her and guide her back in to the bed. She collapses on me and keeps crying. "Luke and Rick don't even remember her and Daphne will never know her mommy." She continues to cry. I don't say anything and just allow my wife to keep crying.

Out of nowhere she starts to laugh. "What are you laughing at?" I ask her totally confused. She smiles at me wiping the tears from her eyes. "I was just remembering something about Lara."

"What?" I ask her chuckling.

"I was remembering her baby shower with Rick and Luke." She says with a laugh. I wait for her to continue. "Christie threw the shower and decided since she already had three baby boys she probably didn't need much so she arranged for a shower at a salon. We all got our hair done and Lara even got a pedicure and manicure. All the ladies were laughing and joking around, I myself had just found out I was pregnant with Danny. Lara was 7 months pregnant but per usual she was still skinny expect her stomach." She is lost in her own thoughts.

She looks up at me and smirks. "I don't quite remember how it came up but one of the moms mentioned how her favorite time of day was when the kids finally went to sleep so she could get some much needed rest herself. Lara started laughing and the ladies asked why. Lara started blushing and said that was her favorite time of day as well but for a very different reason. The mom kept pestering her until Lara admitted it was her favorite time of day because it was when Dean and she were able to be intimate. I snorted on my ginger ale when she said it. She looked at all of us so innocent and sweet and said it so simply, Oh that is my favorite time of day as well because it's when Dean and I are able to be together. All the moms were in shock and Sarah, you know that bitch, goes every night? Lara started to blush again and responded, well yea but sometimes during the day too when the boys are taking a nap or I can get one of their uncles to watch them. All the ladies were in shock. Sarah nearly choked on her tongue. Christi looked over at me and asks, Are all the Winchester man so enthusiastic? I smiled at her and replied, well there is a reason why we are both always pregnant." Gabriella seems happy lost in her memory.

"Wait a minute you said that was when you guys were pregnant?" I ask her. She smiles and shakes her head. "Because around that time a bunch of the moms in the area started coming to shop and were practically striping us with their minds while they were staring at us changing their oil."

Gabriella starts to hysterically laugh. "I guess they wanted to see you boys in action!" She can't stop laughing. I am glad to see her relaxed. I don't know if I have seen anyone in this family laugh since Lara disappeared. Gabriella keeps laughing then she slowly stops and starts to cry again. "What's wrong baby?" I ask cooing over her.

"I just miss her Sam." It's all she needs to say.

Dean's POV

Dreams are the only place I get to see her anymore. I have such a hard time sleeping but it's the only time I am truly happy. Her letter was a miracle. I was able to read her words. I could almost hear them floating around me. But it hit me again that I will never hear her voice again. I refuse to shut off her phone. Sometimes I call it just to hear her voice on the voice mail. Sleeping is the only time I feel complete but it is so hard for me to achieve.

_I have been at work all day and I am excited to come home. It's winter time so not only are the streets covered in snow but it's dark by 5 when I head home. I pull up into our drive way and I see a new snowman at the entrance of our drive way. Lara and the boys must have been busy. The snowman even has a top hat on. I can't stop myself from smiling as I raise the garage door and park next to Lara's suburban. I jump out of the car and shut the garage door as I go into the house. I enter the house at the kitchen table and Ben is sitting at it doing him homework. "Mom I need help." He says defeated._

_ I hear Lara before I see her. "I'll be there in a minute I just need to put the noodles in the water." She responds. They still don't know I am in the house. John is at the table coloring in his coloring book and Cole and Gabe are at the table attempting to color too. They all want to be like their older brother dong work at the table. I walk into the house and look to my right and Lara is at the stove in a purple sweater, tight jeans, and sockless feet cooking. Luke and Rick are at her feet playing with their baby toys. _

_ I sneak up behind her and she jumps a bit then relaxes into me. I kiss her neck. "What's for dinner?" _

_ "Spaghetti, homemade garlic bread, and Gabby is bringing over meatballs for you boys." Lara laughs at me. "How was work honey?" She turns her face and I get to kiss her lips. God I miss those lips all day. I slide my hands up and down her sides. _

_ "It was good."_

_ "Why don't you go up and shower and by the time you are done it should be dinner time." She suggests. I walk up the stairs and I hear Lara walking over to Ben. "Let me see what you are working on." _

_ I take my time showering. I know she will need at least 30 minutes to get ready. She has our bedroom all cleaned and our bed made. She even put out a clean outfit for me on the bed. I smile as I get changed and head back downstairs to the scent of dinner and the sounds of my family._

_ Sammy, Gabby, Alex, and Danny are all over. Gabby is helping Lara set the table and everyone has taken their seats and Rick, Luke, and Danny are in their high chairs. Dinner is like every night. It's happy chaos. Everyone is talking and eating at once. Lara makes sure to lean over and help our youngest twins eat their food as well. _

_ After dinner we all help clean up and Lara grabs me for a real kiss. "Why don't you get the boys downstairs and set up family move night." Every Thursday we all watch a movie together. Even if Sammy and I are on a hunt the rest of the watch one._

_ Cole starts to jump up and down from the excitement. "It's my night Mommy! My choice Mommy!" _

_ Lara gets down on her knees and smiles at Cole. "And what movie do you want honey?" It's on a rotation who picks the movie. Each of us gets a pick. Us adults try to pick more kid friendly movies but it's still our choice and no one can complain._

_ "FINDING NEMO!" He shouts with so much excitement I can't help but smile. I've seen the move so many times I have it memorized. It's Gabe's and Cole's favorite and they both always pick it. I pick up Rick and Luke and we all head downstairs. All the boys crash on the floor on their respective beanbags. Sammy and Gabby take their spots on the couch next to each other and I spread out on the corner of the sectional until Lara comes down. Sometimes the stooges, Eve, Bobby, and Jody join us but tonight it's the two families. _

_ Lara comes down the stair with big bowls of popcorns. She gives them to the boys and hands Ben his own bowl on the recliner next to the sectional. She plops down in between my legs and relaxes into my chest and hands me my own bowl. _

_ The movies passes quickly and by the end Rick, Luke, Danny, and Alex are sound asleep. John stumbles up the stairs to his bed and Gabe is sitting on the recliner with Ben. "Ready for bed guys?" Lara asks Gabe, and Cole._

_ Gabe starts to frown. "Me want to sleep with Benny." Cole being true to their twin fashion perks up. "Me too!"_

_ Lara looks at Ben and he smiles and shakes his head. "Come on guys time for bed." Gabe really looks up to Ben and acts a lot like Sammy did when he was little to me. _

_ Gabby and Sammy pick up their boys and head back to their house. Lara and I carry Luke and Rick upstairs and place them softly into their cribs. We get back to our room and get ready for bed. We are finally in bed and I lean over and trap Lara under me. "Finally I have you where I want you."_

_ Lara looks at me and starts to laugh. "What I have been thinking about this all day." I lean down and kiss her softly. "All day you say?"_

_ "All day long." I say into her lips. I slip my hands under her nightgown and lift it off. I love her naked body. I don't know if I ever seen anything quite so beautiful. Sometimes I can't believe I get to call her mine._

_ I can't keep a tight enough grip on the dream and it starts to shift. Lara's naked body disappears under my hands and it's replaced by her pillow and the mattress. I roll off the spot where her body used to be and I look around the room. It's a mess. My clothes are everywhere. I look at the alarm and it says 8 am. I get out of bed and open the door. _

_ Daphne's door is shut and I open it to check on her. It is still her room but it is so different. It's no longer a nursery but a room for an adult woman. Where her crib used to be is now a queen four poster bed. Her changing table is replaced with a dresser. I shut the door and follow the scents of breakfast down the stairs._

_ I walk into the kitchen and for a moment I think it's Lara. There is a petite woman with dark hair at the stove. She turns around and all I see is her dark blue eyes then I notice it's not Lara, it's a grown up Daphne. "Hey daddy!" She says cheerfully. "I have class in an hour but I wanted to make breakfast first. You hungry?"_

_ I don't know where the words come from but it's like I know what to say. "Thanks honey. What class do you have this morning?"_

_ "It's easy just Italian Literature through the 14__th__ century." I laugh and take a seat at the counter. "Yea sounds easy." She smiles at me and turns back to the stove._

_ "You know honey you can transfer to one of those fancy schools you got in to. You don't have to stay home to take care of your old man."_

_ Daphne looks at me and smiles. "I like to be close to home daddy. You would never get a decent meal if I didn't make it and you know it! And you know Balthazar would throw a shit fit if I moved to far from you and all my uncles. He worries about me too much." As if on cue Balthazar appears in the kitchen. "Did I hear my name?"_

_ She hits him with that spatula. "Take a seat I made extra." The dream starts to fade. This must be what my life turns into. My inability to get over Lara keeps my daughter close to home. _

I can feel warm weight on me. It reminds me of how Lara's body used to feel on mine. The warm weight shifts and warm kisses cover my face and a tongue slips into my mouth. This is the most realistic dream I've had and I want to keep it. "Lara." I moan out. I don't want this dream to end. I feel her.

"Yes Dean it's me." The dream replies. God it sounds so much like her. I didn't know my mind could replicate her so well. I don't want to open my eyes but the dream feels so real I feel like I can't risk it to get a look at her. She is more breathtaking them I remember. She is in a filmy white dress. I can see her pink nipples through the sear material. God she is gorgeous. I want to sob at the loss of her. "Am I dreaming?" I don't know why I ask such a stupid question. I am obviously dreaming.

Dream Lara leans down and captures my lips with her perfect mouth. Her soft lips caressing mine. "You're awake Dean. It's me. John brought me back."

How can my mind be so cruel to me? How can it make me believe she is here to have my wake up and have her gone? It feels so real though. She leans back down and kisses me. "I'm back love. I am back."

I don't care if its fake I want her. I rip her dress off and she just smiles at me. I sit up and I capture her nipples in my mouth. God she feels so warm, so real. She moans beneath my touch. "Dean."

Please don't wake up. Please don't wake up! I need her. I roll her over and I cover her with my body. This feels so real. I don't care how my mind is doing this. I kiss up her chest and around her neck. She digs her nails into my back at my touch and bucks beneath me. I capture her lips and she fights me for dominance but allows me to take over and deepen the kiss. Her mouth is so sweet. I have missed this so much.

It has been almost a year since I have truly loved Lara and I can't hold back any longer. This is just a dream so I don't hesitate to plunge into her. She gasps underneath me. She is so tight. She surrounds me with her scent, her feel, her warmth. I know I won't last long. I haven't had an erection since she was taken let alone had sex. This dream is amazing. It sounds and feels like her beneath me. "Dean please I can't hold on!" She begs beneath me. I pound in to her and her walls tense up and I feel her cum beneath me and I follow closely behind her. I collapse on her chest and unwillingly drift back off.

When I come too I am shocked to still feel a warm body beneath me. I lift my head and look down at Lara. She is flushed. Her eyes are closed and she's smiling lazily beneath me. Can I be so lucky to have her still in my dream? I lean down and kiss her lips again. I nuzzle into her neck. "I hope I never wake up."

"You are awake Dean. I am back." I lift my head and look down at her. How is it possible? I pull out of her and sit up. I pinch myself and nothing. I slap myself across the face and nothing. "I'm awake?" I ask stupidly.

Lara lets out a laugh. Oh how I have missed that sound. "John came to heaven and found me. He brought me back Dean. I am here." It sounds too good to be true.

I sit back on my hunches and look around the room. It's how I left it. This has to be real right? "Lara?"

"Yes Dean?"

I lunge at her. "Lara!" I shout happily. I can't stop kissing every inch of her body. She is back with me. This is real. This isn't a dream. My Lara is back with me!


	97. Chapter 97

Lara's POV

This night as been like a dream. We have spent the entire evening together, we can't keep our hands off each other. It has been almost a month since we have seen each other and a year since we have been together. We have made slow and lazy love, fast and furious love, and love so passionate I thought for a moment our bodies would meld together. I feel whole again, it has been so long since I have felt that. During our afterglow period between loving each other we lie there in each other's arms.

"I'm afraid to close my eyes. I am so scared when I open them you will be gone and I will be alone in this bed again." Dean tells me as he pulls my naked body closer to his.

"I promise you that I am here and this is real. Nothing will ever take me from you again." If they do I will kill them. I can't go through that again. It was the most painful horrible experience of my life. And that is compared to over 20 years in a demon body farm.

Dean begins to kiss over my body and stops on the tattoo on my hip. "I am glad you got to keep this." He says nibbling on it. I can't keep myself from moaning out. "I made sure to remember all the important things on my body when John brought me back." I moan out.

The sun is beginning to rise and our bedroom is slowly getting illuminated. I hear a cry from the room next door. I wiggle my way out Dean's arms and throw on his long discarded tshirt. "Don't leave yet." He begs me. I smile at him and lean down on kiss him. "I am not leaving. I just need to go check on her." Dean knows I can never stand to hear one of our children cry.

I walk into her nursery and I see Balthazar resting Daphne on his shoulder and he's patting her back. "Good morning Lara." I go to my little girl and Balthazar reluctantly gives her to me. "Why don't you go make her a bottle while I get acquainted with my little girl." He shakes his head and leaves the room. I doubt I could breast feed her like I did my other children.

I pull her down into the crock of my arms and look at my precious baby who kept me sane and alive all those months in that prison. She is so lovely. I hate what those demons did to her but it doesn't change the absolute perfection that is my little baby girl.

There's a noise at the door and I look up expecting to see Balthazar coming into the room with a bottle but it's Dean. "I just had to make sure you were still here." He tells me. I smile at him and beckon him to me. He kneels in front of the rocker and puts one hand on my leg and another on Daphne's small head. "It's been so hard without you." He croaks out. "She looks so much like you, so do all the boys, and I've just been so lost."

I lean down and kiss him. "You don't need to explain I understand. It would have been the same if I had been the one left behind." I can't wait for my other children to wake up. I want to hold them to me.

Balthazar comes back into the room holding a bottle and hands it to me. I feed my baby girl and watch her greedily drink her bottle. I have my family again that is all that matters. I look at Dean and smile. "Can you give Balthazar and I a moment alone Dean?" I don't want him to leave but I need to talk to him.

Dean tenses and squeezes my hand. I can tell he doesn't want to leave but he gives me a kiss and leaves the room quietly. Balthazar is standing nervously next to Daphne's changing table and he is actually biting his nails. "I know she is your daughter but please don't send me away." He tells me pathetically. I have known Balthazar for years now but I have never heard him so nervous.

Daphne finishes her bottle and starts to doze back off. I pull her up to my shoulder and pat her back while she drifts back off. "Balthazar I would never ever in a thousand years under a million circumstances ever ask you to leave Daphne. I just need to talk to you about what has happened since I have been gone. I am going to guess that you haven't left her alone for even a second and that Dean has just thrown her on you in his grief."

"She wasn't thrown on me. I would do anything for her. She hasn't been a burden." He chimes in quickly. I smile at him and stand up and grab his arm. I know he would rather be holding Daphne but I refuse to let her go yet.

"That is not what I meant Balthazar. You should know better." I say with a bit of a smirk. He refuses to look at me yet. "What I meant to tell you is that I owe you my life for taking care of my baby girl. I just wanted to talk to you about the fact that I am back and I will be taking over most of the roles that you have been doing. But I don't want you to feel like you need to leave or anything. I just don't want to upset you. I know she loves you and I don't want to step on any toes but she's my baby girl and I want to raise her that way my other kids were raised. You can be as active in her live as you want to be."

Balthazar visibly relaxes in front of me. "So I can stay and keep watch over her like I have been?" He asks me nervously. I smile at him and stand on my toes and kiss his cheek. "Balthazar I wouldn't ever dream of telling you how to interact with her. You have been so wonderful with her and I can tell she adores you. Now I don't want to upset you but I want to take all my babies and just cuddle with them for a while."

He blushes and smiles at me. "Of course." He says and heads out of the room. I leave her nursery and follow the sounds of my babies waking up. Gabriel and Cole's room is at the end of the hall and I can hear Dean talking to them. "I have wonderful news guys." He says excitingly.

I can imagine the boys' faces right now. "What is it Daddy?!" They both scream out. I come to the door and they are so focused on their dad they don't notice me. Dean must notice me because he turns to look at me. When he turns the boys both look up at me and stare at me wide eyed with gapping mouths.

It only takes a moment for them to start squealing. They both jump out of bed and latch on my legs. "MOMMY! MOMMY!" The both keep screaming. I get on my knees and balance Daphne on my shoulder while I hold and kiss my baby boys. "Yes it's mommy." I say into their hair while I kiss them.

Dean comes up behind them and sits on the ground holding them both. "You're mommy is back guys." They both start laughing and jumping up and down. I pass Daphne off to Dean and get them both fully in my arms. "Let's go wake up your brothers." I say mischievously.

We all clamor into Rick's and Luke's room. They are both asleep and Rick starts to mutter in his sleep. "No daddy. No go daddy." He starts to scream out. Dean runs to Rick's side and wakes him up. Rick jumps up and latches his arms around Dean's neck. "You here daddy. You here!" He cries into his neck. Daphne starts to cry and Rick pulls back to look at his little sister.

I come behind Rick and put my hand on his shoulder. He turns around and gives me a confused look. He doesn't recognize me. My heart falls to the floor. I have been gone so long my little boys don't remember me. Rick runs to Luke's bed and shakes him awake. "Luke! Luke!" Rick starts to scream. I can't move. I feel the tears start to burn in my eyes. Crowley has stolen my children from me. Dean looks up at me and he can tell I am about to cry.

Gabriel and Cole keep a tight lock on my legs and Luke slowly wakes up. Luke wakes up and takes in the action in his room. He looks at his brother and me. "Lady from pictures." He states. Rick starts to smile and pulls Luke out of the bed. "Pretty lady from the picture!" He exclaims grabbing the picture of me with my youngest twins next to their beds. Luke hands it to me and I fall to my knees holding my boys.

"I'm your mommy guys." I tell them. "I didn't want to leave but I had too but I am back now and will never leave again." They both hold on to my tightly and I pick them and carry them all to the couch downstairs.

Dean leans down to kiss my softly. "I am going to wake up John and Ben I'll be right back." It's hard for me to see Dean leave the room but I know he will be right back. Within moments John, Ben, and Anachel are running towards us and I'm covered in all my kids. Daphne is resting in my arms and all my boys are covering my limbs and any space I might have near me and I wouldn't have it any other way.

We spend all morning just talking and laughing together. I don't even want to let go of them long enough to go into the kitchen to make them food. After awhile I hear the sliding glass door in the kitchen open and Sam come in. "Dean why aren't you answering you phone. It's time for breakfast." He yells from the kitchen.

All the boys yell for Uncle Sammy to come into the living room. He comes in and when he finally notices me under the sea of my kids he stops in his tracks. "Lara!" He screams running to me. He grabs me in fierce hug. "Wait here and don't move an inch!" He demands. Sam leaves the house and I know he'll be back with Gabby and his kids.

True to my prediction within minutes they all come back in. "Why are you dragging me over Sam? The eggs are going to burn!" Sam, Gabby, Alex, and Danny all come into the living room and stop when they see me.

"Lara?" Gabby asks quietly. I shake my head happily. She runs to me and wiggles in between my kids and hugs me. "OH god Lara I have missed you so much!" She cries.

Throughout the day all of my family finally comes. By mid afternoon Bobby, Jody, Cas, Gabriel, and Balthazar are all in my living room as well. I have never been happier. I am back with my family. I thought Bobby was going to have a heart attack when he saw me. He stumbled back and fell into the recliner and just stared at me.

Jody told me that we need to let the police know I am back but I don't want to go through that yet. I just want time with my family and honestly time to come up with a good cover story. Gabriel thinks he can create some kind of assailant that can be found dead near the house. I just want to move on.

It's very late when we finally get the family back to their homes and the kids in bed. No one wanted to separate and none of the boys wanted to let me go. I don't want to leave them either but I need some private time with Dean. We have been through a lot.

Once we get the boys to sleep we head back downstairs and outside. We walk to where my first born is buried and just stand there quietly. "I wasn't sure what to do so I buried you in your first wedding dress with your son." He stops for a moment and I grab his hand tightly.

"I meet him you know." Dean gives me a confused look. "You meet who?"

"My son. He was there in heaven and just like Uncle Gabriel said your parents were taking care of him. They made sure to be there for him when he got there because they knew he was Sammy's son. Then when they found out about me my parents found them and helped too. He looks so much like Sammy."

Dean smiles at me and kisses my forehead. "What was he like?" Dean always knows how to ask and talk about my first born. He thinks about him as his nephew and step son. I smile into his chest. "He is great Dean. He was so nervous to meet me. He was afraid I wouldn't like him because of who he was supposed to be and how he was conceived and he was petrified that you would hate him but I set him straight." I said with a smirk.

We are quiet for a few minutes and Dean looks down at me. "I would come out here to talk to you when the boys went to sleep sometimes I would lose track of time and fall asleep out here. You're body is still down there I assume." I can hear the tears in his throat. He turns around and incases me in his arms. "I am so sorry Lara. I failed you." He cries into my hair. His forehead resting on the top of my head.

I move beneath him until I can look him in the eyes. "You did not fail me Dean Winchester. Everything that happened was unavoidable but it is all done now. I am home. There was nothing you could have done differently with Crowley and there was no way to save me. I am alive now and back that is all that matters."

Dean kisses my lips softly but it quickly deepens. "I am never going to let you go again Lara. They will have to pry you from my cold dead hands." He promises me.

I grab his warm living hands and he follows me back into the house. We can't stop kissing each other and we drop layers has we move through the house. Our shoes near the door with our socks. Our jackets are thrown on the kitchen table and our shirts are on the counter. We lose our pants around the living room when he finally picks me up and carries me up the stairs. We wait till our bedroom to lose any more clothes.

It doesn't take much to lose my bra and panties or his boxers. We had all of last night but it wasn't enough. A year of our live was stolen from us and we have so much work to make it up to each other. I'm naked and under my husband, where I belong. "I love you Dean." I moan out has he enters me.

"I love you too Lara, and I'll love you forever." He moans back to me as me moves in and out of me. No dream or memory can do this justice. When I remember us being together while I was stuck in Crowley's prison I thought I was remembering everything just right but I was nowhere close to how it actually is with him.

We cease to be Dean and Lara two separate beings. We are just one whole and connected entity that was meant to be whole. I don't want us to ever separate. This is what I was made for. To be one part of the whole puzzle that is us.

"Daddy!" Then a pause. "MOMMY!" tear through the house. We immediately separate from each other and throw on our robes. Our babies need us. We run down the hall to Rick and Luke's room where they are both having a nightmare.

Rick is crying in his sleep screaming out into the air. Luke is on his tummy screaming into his pillow. My heart breaks for them and I run to Rick and pull him into my arms and cross to Luke's bed where I pick him up into my arms. "It's ok now mommy and daddy are here." I coo over my babies.

It takes awhile but they finally calm down and fall back asleep. I am glad they didn't wake up the others. Once we get them back to bed we head back to our room. Dean immediately slides the robe off my shoulder. "I just need you again." He whispers into my ear as he starts to kiss down my neck.

"This feels so surreal." I moan out. He looks up at me and kisses my lips. "I know what you mean. I thought… I thought… I thought I would never see you again."

"That I would never feel you holding me." I respond.

"Or feel your lips on my mine." I grab his lips in mine as he says it.

"Or feel your warm weight on me while we made love in our bed." He pushes me back to our bed and he falls on me. I miss how that feels.

"Or feel you beneath me has I make you cum." He says seductively into my ear. I shiver at thought of his words.

"Or hear you say you love me again." I say with tears in my eyes. He kisses my lips and then my tears and looks at me and smiles. "I love you."

"Now make me remember what it's like to cum beneath you." I say beneath him.

After a few hours we have worked ourselves into exhaustion. It's been over 24 hours since either of us have slept and it's been quite an exciting day. I think we are both secretly afraid to go to sleep and find out this has just been a dream. I clutch onto his chest and I force myself to sleep.

_I hear them before I see them. I know it's not Crowley. He usually swings the door open with a jovial. "Good morning love are you ready to let me into your body today?" I still can't figure out how he can sound so happy all the time. These men or demons are quiet. They know what they have to do. They come in here they torture me and they leave. We don't talk to each other. They just do. _

_ I'm tethered down to the table which makes it easier for them. They set up their tools and one takes a seat behind me and the other goes to work. His sitting counterpart likes to just randomly slash here and there not this one. He likes to carve intricate patterns into my skin. He claims they are beautiful but when I look down at my skin I want to throw up. My stomach is off limits so at least Daphne is safe. _

_ Today I can tell is going to be different. They have for the most part avoided my face but he is walking closer towards my field of vision. Please don't cut up my face. I think to myself. Dean will not be able to look at me the same if my face is scarred too. _

_ He drags the blade down my cheek and I let out a blood curdling scream. I feel him turn the blade back up as it slashes through my skin. His blades are sharp and easily cut my skin just like a butter knife slides through butter. He finishes with my cheek and I know I have some kind of demonic pattern carved into it. I can feel the blood dripping down my neck almost tickling me. I want to break my hands free but I can't. _

_ The demon moves to my others side and starts to slice away on my other cheek. It hurts so bad and I can't stop screaming and crying. I used to be better at this but I'm soft now. I have had such a good life and it made me forget how horrible life really is._

"LARA!" Dean screams bringing me out of my nightmare. I quickly scan the room to remember where I am. I slowly relax when I see I'm in my bedroom and more importantly safely in Dean's arms. I sob into his chest while I collect myself and he just continues to stroke my hair while whispering in my ear, "It's alright, I got you, I love you."

My body relaxes and my sobbing finally subsides. Dean reaches over to my night stand and turns on the light. "I should have put these back on you this morning but I was just so surprised to see you that it escaped me." Dean slips my wedding rings back on, then clips my charm bracelet on my wrist, and hooks my necklace on. He then leans down and kisses me softly. "You looked naked without them on." He says sheepishly.

I smile at him and look down my wedding rings, charm bracelet, and my necklace. I have felt naked without them but I wanted Daphne to have something of her mother. I look down at myself and laugh. "Maybe that is because I a naked." I can't help making the simple joke. It has been so long since I have been able to joke.

Dean kisses me passionately almost getting us going again but I push him back when I hear small whimper. "Hold that thought." I tell him jumping up throwing on my robe. I walk into Daphne's room and sure enough she is starting to wake up and at the verge of throwing a fit. Balthazar is in her room about to pick her up from the crib. "I got it Balthazar it's fine." I tell him leaning over the crib.

Daphne starts to settle down in my arms and falls back asleep pretty quickly. I'm worried my screaming may have woken her up. "You doing alright?" I ask the fidgety angel who is standing next to me.

"I'm fine. It's just weird sharing the duties and all." I understand what he means. It's weird for me to come home and have him taking care of my youngest. It's weird that Rick and Luke want daddy to read them their good night story and that Cole and Gabe want daddy to help them brush their teeth. It's a lot to get used too. Before Daphne is fully asleep I transfer her little body over to Balthazar and his face brightens up in a smile. "I think you got this I am going to get back in bed with my husband." I say with a wink.

"You two keep it down in there. I had to sound proof her room earlier this evening from you too!" He jokes with me. I laugh at him and head back into my room. Dean is coming out of the bathroom flicking the lights off. God I have missed him naked. I think to myself. He slides my robe off and gets me back into bed. "Come on baby." He says seductively. I let him set the pace knowing I'll be glad for these happy memories tomorrow when we have to go into the police.

a/n So what did you think? This one only has a few more chapters before the sequel which I have already started writing!


	98. Chapter 98

Lara's POV

I can do this. It won't be that bad. We have gone over it. The plan is set in motion and Uncle Gabe has everything set up. I can do this. While the kids were still asleep we transferred them all to Sam's and Gabby's house except for Daphne who is sound asleep in her crib with Balthazar watching over her. I didn't want them here when I came back. They can't see me like this.

"Lara?" Dean asks coming into the bedroom. I flinch not wanting him to see me like this either even though I know it's just an illusion. I look in the mirror and take in the cuts, scabs, scars, and blood all over my body. Uncle Gabe has recreated an illusion that looks like how I looked when I was first rescued. To the police it will look like I was just found wandering the streets freshly escaped from my torture chamber. To the doctors and nurses I will undoubting be seeing today it will feel real to them. Uncle Gabe's grace will protect me from any stitches they try to put in my skin but it will seem very real. It even feels real. Not as painful as when it happened but real enough I feel sore. Dean comes into my line of sight in the mirror and wraps his arms softly around my waist and kisses my naked shoulder and buries his face in the crock of my neck.

"If I still looked like this would you have been able to look at me?" My voice shaking the question out. Dean raises his face and kisses my bloody cheek. "I would have loved you regardless of how you came back to me. You are the most beautiful woman in the world and I will always want to stare at you." He whispers into my ear. I smile softly and lean back into him.

There's a knock on my door and Uncle Gabe comes in the room. Dean tries to cover me but things like nudity just don't affect angels. He hands me a filthy tshirt. "Put this on and I am going to take you to the location. Are you ready for this?"

I shake my head nervously and throw the tshirt on. I look back in the mirror. I look filthy, my hair is greasy and matted, my body has a layer of grim on it. I look exactly like I did a month ago. We agreed to tell the police the truth because they will just assume that the man who was holding me captive was crazy. It truly is the easiest thing to say. Uncle Gabe has it set up with Crowley's corpse in a house about a mile from here. It looks like he had a torture chamber in the basement and that's where I have been for the last year. He staged it to look like I finally got my hands free and was able to kill him and escape.

"Dean…." I can't keep my voice even. He grabs me tightly and holds me close. "It's going to be alright. This will just take a bit and you will be back here." He softly kisses me lips and I pull away and walk to Uncle Gabe.

It only takes a moment and we are in the house. "Now Lara just leave and start walking home. We need to make it look like you really did escape." He tells me calmly. Before he leaves he gives me a big hug. "I will be following you to make sure you are safe. Now go on honey." Then with a flutter he is gone. I know he will follow me cloaking himself with grace so others can't see him.

I grab the door handle and turn it slowly and open it. I step out on the front porch and start stumbling home. It's not hard to fake it. I remember how I felt so easily that I can get right into character. I'm only acting out a memory. I pass two cars on the road and to my surprise they don't stop. I would like to think that if I passed a bloody woman walking on the side of the road in just a tshirt I would have stopped but apparently that's not the norm. The occupants of the cars crane their necks to stare at me has the drive by.

After a few blocks I start to hear sirens. I guess maybe they called the police. The cop cars come to a halt in front of me and the cops come running out of their cruisers with blankets. They throw it around my shoulder. "Are you alright miss?" The young cop asks me. I don't recognize him so he must be relatively new to the force with Jody and Gabby working there I know most of them. I shake my head no. "What is your name miss?'

The other cop gasps and I quickly jerk to look at him. I know this man. He is a good cop. Chad was partners with Gabby for awhile even. "Lara Winchester?" He chokes out. I start to shakily walk over to him and collapse into his arms. "Yes, please get me home." I sob into his chest. I need to play this right. Since we decided to live a clean life we need them to believe this.

"Oh my god Lara. Come on let's get you in the car." My legs fail me and Chad catches before I hit the ground. He carries me to the car and puts me down gently in the back seat. "We got to get to the hospital!" He shouts to the newbie.

I start to moan and shake my head violently. "No please, take me home. Dean…" I mumble out. Chad turns around and gives me a weak smile. "Ok I will get you back home but I am calling an ambulance to meet us there." Chad had spent a few diners with us while he was working with Gabby and he knows how close Dean and I are and even commented on occasion. He would joke that he wants the kind of happiness that we have.

"Thank you." I lay in the back seat quietly and motionless and wait for the cruiser to pull up in the driveway. I just need to do this a few more hours. Chad opens the door and helps me out of the backseat. He wraps his arm around my waist and I lean into him walking to the front door. The rookie goes the door and rings the door bell and Dean quickly flings the door open and meets my eyes. His eyes fill with relief and fear. He honestly should be getting an Oscar for this performance. "LARA!" Dean shouts out running down the walkway to me and grabbing me out the Chad's arms.

"Dean!" I sob into his chest. The sirens of the ambulance are blaring down the road the ambulance comes to a screeching halt in front of the house. Uncle Gabe, Cas, and Balthazar come running out of their homes and over to us. "LARA!" They all scream in unison.

The paramedics ignore my reunion with my family and lay me down on a gurney and start to examine my wounds. "We need to get her to a hospital right away." He says urgently.

I hear shouts from across the street. "Lara! Oh my god Lara is that really you!" Christy asks running across the street. She stops at the gurney and grabs my hand. "Oh god Lara!" She cries out. I smile at her weakly. "Christy." I say softly to my friend.

"I will make sure the kids are alright, Dean get in the ambulance with her." She says looking at Dean. She certainly is calm in a crisis. "Daphne is up in her crib but the rest of them went to Sam's last night for a sleep over. Can you stay with her?"

Christy shakes her head yes and they load me on to the ambulance with Dean clambering in besides me completely ignoring the comments of the paramedics.

We quickly arrive at the hospital and everything is a blur. There are doctors and nurses all over me. They are cleaning me and dressing my fake wounds but Dean never leaves my side even with the doctors ask him too. He just shakes his head no and hovers in the corner of the room watching over me. After what seems like hours I am bandaged up like a mummy and laying down in a private recovery room.

Jody and Gabby come through the door wearing their uniforms. They give me a quick wink with the other officers behind them. "We can't interview you dear because we're related. Officers Stone and Golden will be taking your statement. We will be right outside the door if you need us." Jody tells me grabbing my hand reassuringly.

"Can Dean stay?" They must all notice the hint of hysteria in my voice because everyone immediately assures me that he can. Jody and Gabby leave the room and Dean takes a seat next to my bed and grabs my hands.

The officers stand on the other side of my bed and pull out a pad of paper and pens. "Mrs. Winchester we have some questions for you. Try to answer them to the best of your ability alright." I shake my head yes and they begin.

The questioning goes on for hours. I give them our practiced script that lines up with reality. I tell them that Crowley kidnapped me thinking he was a demon and needed my body as vessel to break into purgatory. I tell them how he would sit next to me pretending to try to force his essence in me and how he would torture me into trying to agree to let him in. Of course he wasn't a demon and I couldn't do that so he kept torturing me. They asked about Daphne and I told them that I went into labor with her a month ago and Crowley let me hold her for a minute before bundling her up and running out of the room. They ask me how I escape and I explain how for the first time in year he didn't tie me up tight enough and I was able to get my hands and feet loose. I tell them that I had to fight Crowley to get out and I think I knocked him out. Of course later they will tell me that he is actually dead and I killed him.

Dean managed to make the hospital release me so I can go home. For the next week there is a steady stream of officers coming in and out of the house asking me more questions. I answer them honestly and slowly they stop coming.

I do not allow the children in the house while my wounds are visible. I will not allow them to see me like this. Sam and Gabby keep them whenever Uncle Gabe has to cover me in my injuries. Otherwise I look normal and get to bond with all my kids.

After the cops start slowing down Uncle Gabe comes breezing through the house. "It's time for you to go get your plastic surgery dear." He says with a wink. "Everyone will think you are going back home to Seattle to meet with a specialist and when you come home you will look normal. In reality I have a lake house for you all to go to. There is even enough room for Sam's brood and Bobby and Jody."

"Thanks Uncle Gabe." I tell him giving him a hug. It will be nice to just get away and be a family again. We were always a close family and we need time to be together again after everything that has happened this past year. "Will you and other angels be coming?" I hope they plan on it. Cas needs us right now and Balthazar can't be more than a few feet from Daphne still.

He breaks into a big grin. "I am glad you asked. I was hoping you would want us there." I give him a playful smack in the stomach. "Of course we want you there silly!"

We all pack up and leave the next day. Leaving all the pain and suffering of the last year behind us to reconnect again.

Sam's POV

We pull up to the lake house and my breath is literally taken away. It's amazing. I wonder if Gabe imagined the house or if he actually rented us the house for a while. I see Lara, Dean, and kids piling out of their SUV in front of us. I smile at Gabriella's and my smaller family clamors out of Gabriella's car.

It doesn't take long for all the boys to be running around screaming around the property. We are going to have to keep an eye on them because of the lake but most of them have had some swimming lesson. Actually I think only Daphne hasn't had any swimming lessons but she is only a month old. Lara used to pick up Dan and Alex and drag all the kids to the YMCA for swimming lessons. They loved it.

The house is huge. Gabriella and Lara go off exploring and Dean and I are stuck bringing in all the bags. A trip with 4 adults, 9 kids, and 3 angels definitely has a lot of bags. Ben will be able to start school for the spring semester so he's only a year and half past when he wanted to start but I know he doesn't regret staying back to help Dean with the kids. Jody and Bobby are going to be up later in the week because Jody needs to finish up some police work on Lara.

After we bring the last of the bags in the girls tell us where to put our bags and they start to unload the groceries in the kitchen. There are two large bunk style rooms for all the kids. The first room has bunks for Alex, John, Gabe and Cole. The second room has bunks for Dan, Rick and Luke. Only I have a feeling that Alex is going to make Dan switch rooms with him because he gets along a little too well with Rick and Luke at times. Ben has his own room and so does Daphne. Her room is right next to the first of the master's that Dean and Lara will be sleeping in and Gabriella and I have one too.

"This is great." I say to Dean once we finish putting all the bags in the right room. He claps my shoulder. "Yeah it really is. We'll have a good time." He says smiling. I haven't seen him smiling in so long. He looks alive again. I can recognize the man I have known my entire life. He is still a bit jittery and hates to be away from Lara for more than an hour but he looks happy and complete again.

"You sure you going to be good with teaching the kids while we're here?" Dean asks off handedly while he checks out the bathroom or more importantly the tub I have a feeling he plans on seducing Lara in. He as some weird fetish about having sex with her in a tub and even weirder fetish of telling me about it. God I hope these walls are thick.

"I have no problem with it. If it means the kids being able to go back after summer without being held back I'll teach them all summer but I think John and Alex will be fine and hell it's just kindergarten for Cole and Gabe. They will be fine." I am going to be home schooling the kids while we are here recovering. Everyone back home thinks that Lara is getting plastic surgery in Seattle but we're all actually here. We almost had to close the shop down for awhile but Bobby and Dean found some guys to keep it going for us while we're gone. "So what happens when we get back? I have pawned off a lot of calls while Lara was gone. Should I start taking them again?"

Dean immediately tenses up. His jaw locks and his eyes narrow. "No, not yet. Lara still needs me." I don't question him I know what he really means. He can't leave her yet. He went a year without here and thought of separating from her for even a week on a hunt is too much. Even before all this he hated to leave her and the kids, I hated it too. But this is our job. We have done it for so long it's hard to just stop. I nod my head. "Not a problem I'll keep redirecting the calls and have Bobby send out other hunters when I find a hunt." Dean relaxes and we head back downstairs.

Gabby's POV

"Oh God Sam! Yeah right there! Sam!" I don't even care of the whole house can hear us right now. This reminds me of how we used to be. "I'm cumming Sam I can't…" I feel the wave of the third orgasm this night roll over me. Sam finished on top of me and collapses on my chest. I love how his sweaty body feels on top of mine. The last year that Lara has been gone our love making has been so desperate and fierce that I forgot what this was like. We were just both so worried to lose each other. "I swear to Cas' and Gabe's dad if you get my pregnant again Sam I am going to make you carry the baby." I joke with my husband.

Sam sits up a little and I brush the hair out of his eyes. He leans down and kisses me then smirks. "You are on birth control don't worry about it."

"I was on birth control when we had Danny!" I exclaim hitting his backside lightly. That makes him laugh again. "It's not my fault I have apparently very strong swimmers!" That makes us both laugh and we relax into each other.

The next morning we laze in bed. I hear all the kids up and about but I also hear Bobby and Jody taking care of them. I don't know what we would do without them sometimes. Around 10 we pull ourselves out of bed and head downstairs.

All the kids are playing at the lake and Dean is rummaging through the fridge. "What you looking for?"

Dean doesn't turn around and keeps going through the fridge. "I want a can of coke but I can't find it." I grab a two coffee cups and pour one for Sam and I. "Behind the lettuce Dean." He makes a happy sound grabs the coke and runs out of the house.

We get in our swimming clothes and follow the noise outside. Lara is sitting on a chaise with Daphne sound asleep on her chest. Daphne has on a cute baby swimsuit. Lara looks up at me when we come out and smiles. "So you two finally decided to get up!"

"We had a long night." I say with a smirk. Lara starts to laugh. "Yeah we heard!" I playfully hit her arm careful not to wake up Daphne.

"Not like we didn't hear you all night two nights ago." I reply. I take a seat in the chaise next to Lara and we watch the boys, their dads, and their angels play in the water. Cas is sitting by himself about 10 feet from us. After about 30 minutes Lara hands Daphne off to me and gets up to go over and talk to him. I can't hear them but I know they are talking about Eve. He hasn't been the same since she left. He looks like Dean did when Lara was taken. His blue eyes are so dead and vacant. The only time I see even a flash of life is when Gabe and Cole are playing with him. I sometimes think he should just give up his duties and go to Eve in purgatory but Sam told me he would never do that. That he couldn't leave the boys.

Cas and Lara talk for what seems like hours and Daphne starts to become restless and slowly wakes up. She looks around trying to recognize her surrounding and I see her little face start to scrunch up and her blue eyes pool with tears. I can tell there is wail about to leave her tiny soft pink lips. Before a sound can leave there is shadow over me and I look up at Balthazar. He's in a swim suit and soaking wet. "I'll take her." He says lowering his arms for his charge. I know better than to come between him and his little charge so I hand her off.

Balthazar pulls her up to his wet chest and rubs her back until she starts to calm down again. She calms down quickly and starts to laugh. He is a different person, well angel, with her. He was always sarcastic, borderline rude, and bit drunk before Daphne was born. "I'm going to take her into the water if Lara is wondering where we went." He tells me has he walks back towards the water with his little bundle of joy in his arms.

I lay back on the chaise and close my eyes just enjoying the sun. "Mommy! Mommy! Come on! Play with us!" I hear my oldest screaming from the dock. I sit up and smile at him. Alex is a handful. I jump out of the chaise and run after him. I pick him up and throw him into the water and jump in after him.

A/N just wanted some happy stuff after all the craziness that happened


	99. Chapter 99

Cas' POV

I remember my father telling us that life was pain. That humans go through immense trials and are surrounded by suffering and difficulties. I just never quite understood it till now. This life is pain. I was never in this kind of agony when I was just a foot soldier in my father's army. I can't do this. I feel my heart shriveling and dying inside of me. Eve. It hurts to even think her name. She is gone and will not be coming back. I will never hold her again. She made that quite clear to me when she left. I can feel her in my still. Our graces were destroyed and reformed because of our love. I have a piece of her in me. A constant reminder of what I had, what I lost.

Dean and Lara have both told me about the me they meet in that other world. I was human. I didn't handle being human well. I drank, did drugs, and apparently had sex with everything that moved. I understand why now. This life hurts too much. Feelings, free will, all of it is too much for me. What I wouldn't give to me a mindless solider again. No I mustn't think like that. I have my charges. My perfect little charges. They are worth it all.

My grace is starting to fail. I am beginning to doubt everything. I am becoming human again like I did so many years ago. Gabriel and Balthazar keep me angelic by infusing me with their grace. It's supposed to be only something you do with a lover but they do it out of necessity. Gabriel didn't think anything of it but Balthazar put up quite a fight.

_"You want me to do what?" Balthazar screams at Gabriel. Gabriel just rolls his eyes. "I want you do save your brother. Now infuse him with some of your grace. I have been doing it regularly. He will become human if we don't brother. He is falling." _

_ "I only do that with ladies I plan on sleeping with brother! I don't do it with… well my brothers!" He shouts back in disgust. Balthazar is known for being quite a ladies' man. He has enjoyed being on earth far more than he probably should have. He has been known to sleep with the occasional angel but never one he considered his brother just like he says. Since his precious charge has been born he hasn't been quite as promiscuous though. _

_ "Do not worry about it brother. I do not need your grace. Just let me fall and then I will be able to die. Death will end this pain." I don't mean to sound so morose but I know it comes off as pathetic. _

_ Balthazar gives Gabriel a look and lets out an exasperated sigh. "Fine." He states. I feel his grace pumping into me. It refills me with heavenly powers and I am temporary whole again. Or as whole as I can be._

My brother won't allow me to turn mortal so I can die. I don't want to be alive for eternity with this ache. I don't know how Dean did it for a year while Lara was gone so how am I going to do it forever? There will be no end to this pain. There is no solution. This is my existence now.

The other me had ways of coping. I can't sleep with another woman. I can't imagine touching another woman let alone loving one besides Eve. Father! Her name sends ripples of pain through me. The drinking and the drugs I can possibly do. It will not do any permanent damage to me but it might alter me enough not to feel this.

My phone starts to ring but I ignore it. After the caller tries to call back another 3 times I finally pick it up. I see it's Lara. "Cas." She exhales into the phone. I don't say anything back. "Get your feathery butt over here." She states and hands up the phone.

I sigh and transport myself to her home. Lara is cooking at the stove. It's only about 4:30 but she is getting dinner ready for when Dean comes home. "You better start answering your phone. You don't want me having to go over there to collect you." She warns me putting her spatula in my face. My face softens and I smile at her slightly. It's forced but I do it for her.

"It hurts so badly Lara." I say quietly. Her drops her spatula and pulls me into a tight hug. "I know it does Cas. I know it hurts." I enjoy this moment of contact. I miss it. "You look tired Cas."

I shrug my shoulders. "With my grace in the state it is I have been tired. I have found myself dozing off and eating for nourishment lately." She frowns and goes to the fridge and pulls out a cup of pudding and hands it to me. I take it and rip off the lid and grab a spoon. It will make her happy if I eat.

"The boys are upstairs if you want to see them." I perk up at the idea of my charges. Gabe and Cole are my world now. I finish the pudding and run up the stairs to them. They are both on their floor playing with their toys. "UNCLE CAS!" They both squeal out in unison. I fall on the floor and soak in their love. They both jump up and grab on to me.

"Want to play with us?" Cole asks handing me a truck. I shake my head and play cars with my charges for the next hour or so. They are the only relief I get. A balm to my aching chest.

Dean's car rumbles into the driveway and I hear him enter the house. I can hear Lara giggling while he kisses her in the kitchen. I can feel their love and lust pouring off them and it kills me. It's not that I don't want them to be happy but it hurts me to see such happiness.

The rest of the evening goes as every other evening. We all sit down for one big family dinner. I eat out of necessity but Balthazar and Gabriel eat out of liking Lara's cooking. Gabriella and Sam are over with their family and everyone is happily chatting about. Balthazar is catering to Daphne's every whim per usual and Dean is all hands with his wife per usual. Gabriella and Sam are absolutely in love but are less obvious with it like Dean and Lara. John looks lonely without Anachel. She is spending the evening with her parents. Rick and Luke are making a mess and loving every second of it. Gabriel isn't helping matters much… Gabe and Cole are sitting on either side of me and every once in awhile they try to bring me into the conversation. Ben isn't here. He is at school. I miss him too. Sam's boys are playing with their cousins and everyone is happy, except me.

After dinner the family disperses. Tomorrow is school and work day. Lara and Dean get all the boys ready for bed and Lara takes a quiet 15 minutes to get Daphne asleep. Balthazar makes himself comfortable on the rocker in Daphne's room. He refuses to let her sleep alone yet. Once they kids are all in bed Dean and Lara retire to their room to make love like Eve and I used too.

I have nothing to occupy myself with and nothing to distract me. I walk around the house for awhile and debate traveling somewhere but I shake that idea off. Where would I go alone? Anywhere I would go I would just think of how I wish Eve was with me. Father won't you help me? Have you forgotten that you once loved us?

Eve.

My eyes linger on the cupboard above the fridge. I know what Lara keeps there. It's all of Dean's alcohol. She doesn't want the kids to be able to get to it and Dean is only allowed to drink with her now. He is so different that the broken man I meet in hell. Drinking used to be the only coping mechanism he had. I open the cupboard and pull out the bottles of liquor that are stored up there.

When my grace was more intact it would take an entire liquor store to get me drunk. I know this because I once drank one. Now it only takes 4 bottles. That is good. It can help numb the ache sooner. There's a creek on the stairs and I whip my head around to see who is entering the kitchen. "Cas?" Lara asks rubbing her eyes. She pulls her robe tighter around her body and turns on the light. She takes in the sight before her. "What are you doing Cas?" She asks me.

"It hurts Lara." She runs to me and puts her arms around me. "It's alright Cas. We are all here for you." I lean into her. She picks up the empty bottles in front of me.

"You can't do this to yourself." She kisses the side of my head like she does to her children every night. She grabs my hand and pulls me with her upstairs. When we get to her bedroom door she opens the door slightly. "Dean put on some pants Cas is with me."

I hear cursing on the other side of the door and a crash before we enter. Dean is standing next to their bed wearing his boxers. I can smell the sex in the room. Lara gives me a sad smile and squeezes my hand. She goes to her closet and reappears wearing an old tshirt and sleeping pants. "Dean, Cas isn't doing well. He is going to sleep with us tonight."

My eyes nearly bug out of my head. "He is going to what?" Dean asks completely confused. Lara crosses the room and kisses her husband lightly. "He needs us Dean. He is going to sleep with us tonight. Don't worry I'll sleep between you two but he shouldn't be alone tonight."

Dean shakes his head in disbelief. "I can't believe I am sharing my bed with another man tonight." He says with a slight laugh. Lara gives him a warning glare and gets into the middle of the bed. Dean gets in next to her and pulls her against me. "Cas you can borrow some of Dean's pjs. Get changed and come back to bed."

I can't believe that she is going to do for me. I go into the closet and pull out a tshirt and sweat pants and come back into the bedroom. Dean is sound asleep with his face buried in Lara's back. She is still awake and waiting for me. She pulls back the covers. "Get into bed Cas." I get into the bed and lay on my back and stare at the ceiling. Lara grabs my hand and I turn my head to look at her. "You aren't alone Cas. We are all here for you. Anytime you can't be along you can sleep with us. Now get some sleep Cas. I love you."

I feel tears behind my eyes. "I love you too Lara. Thank you for this." She squeezes me hand. "We're family Cas and this is what family does." I guess we are all a family.

a/n I am near the end of this story but still review!


	100. Chapter 100

Dean's POV

One year later

It has been a year since Lara came back to me permanently to the day. I have had her back in my arms for 365 days and I am never going to let her go again. When she came into our room that night I thought I was dreaming and I never wanted to wake up. It has taken a long time but I finally believe I am awake and not dreaming, dead, or under the spell of djinn. To be honest even if this was all just some master dream of a djinn I don't care. This is where I want to be and this is the only woman I want to be with. I have her, my kids, and the rest of my family what else could I possibly need?

I haven't been on a hunt since the day before Lara was taken. Two years and not one time have I pulled my gun on a supernatural creature. Doesn't mean I haven't pulled my gun out of instincts when I get spooked. Once she came back Sam figured I would get back to it but I've been to afraid to leave her and the kids for more than a few hours to even go to work, I have even started coming home at lunch just to make sure they are all still here and alright. I'm paranoid and I know it's pathetic but I can't allow anything to happen to her again. I won't survive another Laraless existence.

"Dean! I need your help. We are heading to death con red here!" Lara yells up the stairs. I quickly finish getting dressed and run down the stairs. Death con red means we are heading for a full on melt down. No one likes those! Daphne's face is bright red and her hands are in tight balls clutching onto Lara's shirt. Daphne is getting over a cold and has spent the entire week with us in bed. Her along with Cas, Lara, and me have made the bed quite crowded this past week.

"Dullie! Dullie!" Daphne keeps wailing. Lara gives me a helpless look as she looks around the living room for Daphne's precious doll. She is as bad with her dolly as Gabriel is with his Captain fuzzy. "Please find her I need to finish breakfast and she won't calm down till we find her."

I take Daphne from Lara and try to calm her down as I search the house for her doll. How do these kids favorite toys get lost in the first place? They never seem to put them down long enough for them to get lost. I am about to head downstairs to check the basement when I feel the air change behind me. I whip around and Balthazar is standing behind me with a cocky grin and dolly in his hand. "DULLIE! BABA DULLIE!" Daphne starts to squeal happily while she wiggles around in my arms to get to Baba, or as I call him, Balthazar and her doll. I hand her over and Balthazar happily takes her and hands her the doll. Daphne clutches the doll in one hand and latches on to Balthazar's tshirt with her other. "Baba save dullie. Love you Baba."

"Thank god where was she?" I ask him silently thanking his dad that we avoided death con red. We had one a few days ago with Luke and it was so loud and it took Lara like two hours to calm him down.

"Dolly fell under your bed. I just know where to look." I roll my eyes at his cocky answer. Daphne definitely has him wrapped around her little finger, not that she doesn't have all of us wrapped her around her little finger.

The boys are all sitting around the kitchen table chowing down and the sliding door opens with Sam, Gabby, and their boys. They all sit down and start to eat. "Where's Cas?" I ask Balthazar quietly.

He gives me a sad smile. "He isn't doing well Dean." Is all he says. I don't need him to explain further. The only time he even pretends to smile is when he is with Cole and Gabe. He's become a bit of recluse and Lara has been a nervous wreck over his attitude lately. She has started making him sleep with us when it becomes too much for him to handle. He was with us last night and I'm kind of surprised not to see him this morning. Some nights he sleeps in the twin's rooms others I know Balthazar and Gabe stay with him. I still can't believe I have allowed another man into my bed willingly. There is obviously no hanky panky going on whatsoever but it's still surreal to me. Lara insisted though and when have I ever been able to deny her anything? She reminded me this is what families do. They take care of each other. We are trying to take care of him but it's hard. He doesn't want to get better. His grace is failing. He is falling once again. The angels keep him infused with grace but he is still becoming more human. They have assured me they won't let him completely fall but they can't keep some of his vessels traits from coming out.

Once Lara as finished setting the tables she calls out to Gabriel and Cas. Gabe shows up pretty quickly and gives her a quick peck on the cheek then turns his attention on to the boys. She waits for Cas but he doesn't show. She picks up her phone and I know she is trying to dial him, but the look on her face tells me he isn't picking up. She hangs up her phone and comes over to me. She kisses me softly and rests her head on my chest. "I'm worried about him Dean." She tells me for at least the fifth time this week.

I pat her back and lead her to the table. "I know you are sweetheart, we all are." Breakfast is chaotic but uneventful. Lara gets all the kids ready and in the suburban. I catch her before she takes them off to school and preschool and give her a quick kiss. "I'll be home for lunch ok." I tell her. She smiles and heads out.

I know she will be dropping Cole, Gabe, and John off at school first. Then she drops Rick and Luke off at preschool. Then she will come home, unload Daphne, and try to straighten the house before picking Rick and Luke up from preschool. Surprisingly the preschool never tries to pressure Lara to leave Rick and Luke like they did with Cole and Gabe… not that I blame them.

Work is uneventful. We have a few scheduled repairs and one frantic woman who needed us to immediately look at her car. I keep looking at the clock for lunch time. I just want to get home and check on Lara and the kids. God I am such a girl now. Bobby comes up behind me and puts his arm on my shoulder. "Get out of here. I got it covered." I give him a leery glance but he just laughs at me. "Get out of here you idjit! You won't focus on a damn thing until you see your wife." He says practically pushing me out the door. Luckily Bobby understands me and doesn't make fun of me. When she first came back I could only be at work about two hours before I had to just drive by the house to check on her. Some of customers at first would ask about her and what happened. They had a morbid fascination with the whole thing. Bobby and Sam would take care of it and luckily that don't ask anymore. Christi and Gabby has kept the neighbors or any of the mothers from harassing Lara with questions. The story that got out isn't even half as horrible as what truly happened to her and it haunts my dreams still. Some nights I will wake up with my heart pounding and sweat covering my body. I would have seen Lara as she was when I got her back before she died. Seeing her like that makes me want to kill Crowley over and over again for eternity.

I pull up to the house and I can feel myself start to relax. Lara's car is in the driveway and I can hear the sounds of playful laughter coming from the house. She is home and she is safe. I jump out and run into the front door to be greeted but flying boys. Rick and Luke both bound onto me telling me all about their day at school. They are quite the story tellers because I doubt batman come into their class room and punished their teacher for not letting them play whatever board games they wanted to during class. I walk through the house and find Lara in the kitchen like normal. She is making sandwiches and talking to Cas. He is listening to her and trying to look with it but I can see in his eyes that he vacant. He looks like I did when Lara was taken from me. He won't ever heal from this. My eyes are drawn to his arms. He is wearing a simple black tshirt and I can see track makes on the inside of his elbows. Some are fresh and some are alarmingly old. When did it get this bad? I shouldn't be surprised. I saw him in that world Zachariah made but I just never thought our Cas would go down that path.

"Dean!" Lara exclaims happily while she finished plating the sandwiches. I quickly cross the room and give her a quick kiss on the lips. "Why don't you get the boys ready. I just got to serve the soup and we'll be ready." I move my eyes to Cas and she shakes her head no. I know we'll talk about it later.

"Come on guys! Time to wash up." I help Rick, and Luke wash their hands and sit down at the table. Balthazar comes in the room with Daphne still waking up on his shoulder. Daphne perks up a bit when she sees me and starts to squirm a bit wanting me to hold her. I take her off Balthazar's hands and she rests her head on my shoulder and grabs a bit of my shirt in her hands. "Dada." She sighs out.

I stick my tongue out at Balthazar. "That's right sweetheart you are daddy's little girl." He rolls his eyes at me and Daphne giggles. "Me dadas gurl." She says happily.

"That's right baby you are my girl." I kiss her forehead and we head to the table. Cas sits with us and pokes around his plate at his food but at least he eats a little bit. Balthazar catches my glance and we give each other worried looks. Apparently he didn't know about the drugs either.

"Dean?" Lara asks me. I shake off my trance and look at her and smile. "You in there honey?" She asks me laughing. I shake my head yes. "Good. I talked to Bobby and you have tomorrow off. We are taking a little long weekend trip together."

"Wait what?" I ask totally confused. Lara giggles and my heart melts. I love the sound of her happy. "I have arranged for us to have a special long weekend. Bobby and Sam are covering the shop tomorrow and Balthazar and Gabriel are going to watch the kids this weekend." I note that she doesn't say anything about Cas watching the kids.

"Where are we going?" It will be nice to have the weekend with her. Between the kids and Cas being in our bed I don't get a lot of evening alone time with her. I have to sneak in my Lara time in the shower in the morning or trying to come home when the kids are taking a nap. I had gotten to used to have Lara time whenever I wanted it before everything went to shit.

"It's going to be surprise. Don't worry I already packed our bags. And we'll be taking your car." She says with a wink. "Also honey I wanted to talk to you about the shop." I take a bite of my sandwich and nod for her to continue. "Cas has been studying up on cars and is doing quite well. I would like you guys to consider giving him a job at the shop."

"Cas you want to work on cars?" I ask him totally shocked. That came out of left field. Cas shrugs his shoulders and looks back down at his food. He doesn't look too enthused about anything lately so the fact he actually shrugged his shoulders is a sign that he is at least listening. "I have been reading up on it and I have been going to different shops. I have taken a few classes and Lara thinks it would be good for me to get a job to keep myself busy."

"Alright. Why don't you come down and we'll see what you can do. It would be nice to have an extra pair of hands. Having Ben with us this summer kind of spoiled us. Sam is alright but lets be honest he can only really change oil and run the front desk." Hopefully getting Cas out and doing something will help.

"Thanks Dean. I promise you won't regret it. You don't have to pay me or anything."

"No Cas, if you are working with us you will be getting paid." I slap his back and hope it comes off as reassuring. He shakes his head. "I don't need money Dean it's fine."

"Well debate that later." I stand up and take my plate to the sink and come back to the table to kiss Lara good bye. "I'll be home in a few hours. I'm excited for our weekend." I say with a wink. She blushes and kisses me again. "You coming Cas?"

"Now?" He asks me. I shake my head yes and give him a smile. "Sure why not. We have a few oil changes this afternoon and I have to fix an air conditioner and transmission." Cas stands up and follows me to the car.

I don't mention the marks on his arm and I give Bobby a look to make sure he doesn't either. I need to talk to Lara about it first. I assume she has talked to him about it and I need to know what's going on. I never thought I'd see my best friend go down this path. He does surprisingly well though with the cars. It is obvious he has been studying up on them and I think he will make a fine addition to our team. I know he's only doing this to keep his mind busy but hell I have done the same thing for years. It wasn't just me loving the impala that kept me working on her. It was a good distraction from everything else going on. Maybe having a job will help Cas. And hell maybe he can smite some of our pain in the in ass customers.

On the ride back home and Cas is a bit shaky. I hope his vessel isn't becoming addicted to the shit he is pumping into it. I have been known to abuse the bottle in the past. Hell I was an alcoholic no nice away around it but I never did hard drugs. I don't know why I didn't notice earlier but he is thinner. His cheek bones are just a bit to prominent and his hands are boney. I should have paid better attention. I have been so wrapped up in Lara and the kids that I haven't noticed what has happened to him.

Lara is in the kitchen like she is almost every night when I get home. She told me she feels happy and safe there. When she was in heaven that is where John found her. John, Anachel, Gabe, and Cole are all doing homework at the kitchen table. Rick and Luke and screaming like banshees and running around the living room but no one is paying them much attention, they do this quite frequently. Daphne is playing with pots and pans at Lara's feet. "Hey Lara we're back." I announce as I come into the kitchen. I kiss her cheek and lean down to pick up Daphne. "Dada home!" She squeals as I bring her into my arms.

"Dinner will be ready in a bit." Lara tells me while she puts a casserole into the oven. I grab her hand softly and pull her to me. "Can we talk?" I whisper into her ear. I need to know what is going on with Cas.

Lara gives Cas a pointed glance. "Cas I need to talk to Dean. Can you say here and watch the kids while we talk? John and Anachel might need help with their math. If you don't know it just wait till I come back down." Cas lowers his head in shame and nods.

I follow Lara up the stairs and she pulls me into our bedroom. She drags me to our bed and sits down pulling me next to her. She buries her head in my shoulder and lets out a quiet sob. "What's wrong baby?" I ask while I rub her back.

"It's Cas Dean. He is doing so much worst then I ever thought possible." She cries out. I try to comfort her but I know the only thing that will do that is if Cas goes back to the man, or I guess angel, he was. "What happened honey? I saw his arms." I finish quietly.

Lara squeezes me tightly and I pull her into me. "He has started doing drugs Dean. I think it has been going on for a few months but I caught him a few days ago. He didn't pick up his phone and I marched over to stooges house ready to read him the riot act. When I walked in I found him on the floor of the kitchen…." She stops talking and starts to sob harder. "What happened when you went into the kitchen?"

"His vessel had ODed Dean. I could see the angel in him struggling but his vessel was dying. I screamed out for Uncle Gabe and he came down and fixed him. I had suspected he was doing drugs but I wasn't positive till that moment. I told him if he doesn't stop I won't let him near Gabe and Cole." I can feel her heart breaking. "I know that is harsh but I couldn't think of another way to keep him sober. They are so important to him and I was hoping it would scare him into going clean. I told him that anytime he wants to use he needs to call me or someone else in the family and not do it. When you found us this afternoon he was over because he wanted to use Dean. He is falling apart and there is nothing I can do." I have never heard her so lost or heartbroken.

I do the only thing I can think to do and that is to hold her while she sobs in my arms. I maneuver her so she is sitting in my lap and I can get a better hold of her. "You did the right thing Lara. He needs to quit. Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?" We have never kept anything from each other before.

"Cas asked me not too. He is ashamed Dean. He feels disgusted with himself that he has gone down this path. I told him I would give him a few days to talk to you but that I wouldn't keep it from you. I want you to talk to him. I'm worried about him Dean. What if he kills his vessel? What would happen to Gabe and Cole if he disappears? They will be heartbroken. Hell I will be heartbroken!" I know over the past few years they have gotten even closer. Cas feels very paternal towards Lara and is head over heels in love with Gabe and Cole and they have a great bond.

"I'll talk with him. I can't promise much but I'll talk to him." I have no clue what I am going to say to him. Maybe I'll just recite what he told me. He kept me from going down a very dangerous path with my drinking when Lara died but this is different. From what I am told drugs have a different hold on you then alcohol. I want to kick Eve's ass to be honest. I became close to her just like everyone else did but that doesn't mean I'll forgive her for doing this to Cas. Gabe has tried to explain to me why she couldn't stay with Cas but it seems stupid to me. What good is it to be a goddess if you can't do what you want?

Lara cleans herself up in the bathroom and we head downstairs. John and Anachel are huffing over their math homework and Cas is looking over their shoulder looking shaky. He seems agitated and confused and I don't think it's about the math home work. Lara walks over and puts her hand softly on Cas' shoulder and nods her head telling him he can leave now. The kids look up at her and smile. She loves this stuff, thank god, because I don't mind helping them build stuff for class but I hate doing the daily sit down homework. I catch Cas' gaze and nod my head to the sliding door. We need to talk.

Cas lowers his head and follows me outside. I walk towards the swing set that we have set up between Sammy's and our home. I lean against one of the post and wait for him to start. Cas is fidgety. I have never seen him fidget. He is rubbing and scratching his arms and looking around the back yard like someone could attack us at any moment. I want to give him a chance to get his thoughts together. He needs to come to me on this. I can't help him unless he wants to help himself. "I'm sorry Dean." Cas spits out pathetically.

"For what Cas?" I am not going to make this easy on him. I need him to tell me exactly what he is thinking and why he is doing this to himself. It takes him a moment but he finally looks up at me and meets my eyes for the first time today. It's hard for me to keep stern with him when he uses his eyes against me. They are Lara's eyes.

He breaths in deeply and looks up at the sky like it could answer all of his problems and lets out a loud sigh. "You don't ask much of me." I am about to speak up for that one. I asked him on numerous times to act against his brothers. "The apocalypse was my choice not yours and I offered to help before you told me rebel. But personally you haven't asked me for much." I don't respond and wait to see where he is going with this. "When you came back from that world that Zachariah opened you asked me never to change. I know I have changed. Some of it was for the better. For a while there I would say I was pretty fun to hang out with and could even pass off for a socially awkward human. But now I have changed into that thing you asked me never to change into."

"Do you remember the night you found me in the kitchen drinking after the boys had gone to bed when Lara had officially died?" I know I don't need to ask him because he will but I need him to be on the same page as me. He shakes his head yes in response. "That night I was where you are. I didn't care what I was doing as long as it helped the ache in my chest. My brain was on overdrive. All I could think of was Lara and what I had lost. I wanted to be dead but I knew I had to stay alive for our kids. You saved me that night. You reminded me of who Lara fell in love with and who I needed to be for my kids. Cas I am going to try and do that for you. Gabe and Cole need you. They look up to you. If you keep going down this path you are going to lose them and not because Lara and I won't let you near them but because they will grow to hate you."

Cas flashes me Lara's eyes and I can see the hurt in them. "I don't like to talk about it much but I hated my father for so long. He would rather bury his head in a bottle of beer then look after my brother and me. Alcohol and the memory of mom were what mattered to him. If you keep this up your life will be consumed by it. Even when dad was with us he was drinking. We never really had him. You might be around but they will soon realize you aren't here."

"I don't want to get like that." He says quietly. He toes the ground and again I am struck by how strange it is to see him this fidgety. "Is Lara mad at me?"

"Lara isn't mad Cas. She is scared and worried about you. She just wants you to be alright. Can you stop?" This is a conversation I never thought I'd have with an angel.

He shakes his head slowly. "I will for Gabe and Cole. I will for the rest of the kids and you and Lara." I grab his shoulder and make him look at me. "You don't have to do this alone Cas. We are all here you know that right?"

"I know that."

"Good, lets go back in now its freezing out here." Cas follows me back inside and Gabe and Cole are done with their homework. He plays with them on the floor of the living room for a bit while Lara finished up dinner. She gives me a look and I shake my head. She seems to relax and I know she feels better.

Tonight it's just our family and Cas for dinner. It's amazing how much quieter it is without Sam and his family over here and the rest of the angels. Getting everyone ready for bed is worst then normal since Lara and I are leaving tomorrow. Anachel goes home for the night. Her parents are great about letting her stay with us but she tries to spend some time with them as well. Since Anachel isn't staying over John refuses to sleep in the basement by himself so he's the first one to lay claim to our bed. Cole and Gabe still vaguely remember the year without Lara and when we sat them down and explained to them that we were going away for a long weekend they both had full on melt downs. Death con red meltdowns. Since they got hysterical Rick and Luke followed suit. So then those 4 decided they were going to sleep with us too. Daphne is almost all better but she refused to let go of me and go into her crib for the night so she came along too.

Daphne is so petrified I am going to try and ditch her somewhere that she refused to let go of me until we get into the bed. I keep her clutched to me while I go around the house checking the windows and doors. I make sure they are all locked and that all our salt lines are good. Every few months we make sure to paint over our devils traps to make sure they are solid and add a new rosary to our water tank so I know they are ok. While I am turning off the lights in the living room to go upstairs I see Cas standing in the kitchen pacing. "Come on Cas." I yell out knowing he will follow. I hear him following me up the stairs and I open the door to mad house. Lara looks at me and just starts to laugh. I can't help but laugh either. We may have a California king bed but it is not big enough for this many adults and kids.

We start to pull our pillows and blankets off the bed and put them on the floor. The twins think this is great and run to their room to strip their beds. Soon the floor is covered and blankets and pillows. Daphne is asleep before I even lay down. She's snoring a bit because her nose is still a bit stuffy. It takes awhile but all the boys finally quiet down and go to sleep. Lara and I are in the middle of a twin sandwich. Rick and Luke and cuddled up on my side and Daphne is asleep on my chest. Gabe and Cole and snuggled into Lara's side and Cas is a tight ball on the other side of them. John is next to Cas and is holding his hand. The healer in John wants to fix Cas too.

Lara turns slowly on to her side so she is facing me. She leans over and kisses me softly and slowly tugs on my bottom lip with her teeth. "So Dean when you meet me 9 years ago did you think this is where we would end up?" She asks quietly.

I look around me and I start to chuckle. Daphne flails around on my chest and Lara rubs her back to get her back to deep sleep. I turn my head and smile at her. "No I didn't think this is where I would end up when I saw you in that cell, but this is exactly what I want." She smiles at me and closes her eyes and goes to sleep.

I have a hard time going to sleep. I still get nervous going to sleep. I have this dread that I will wake up and everything will be different. I worry I will wake up and Lara will be dead and I'll be doing this alone. Or worst that all of this was some dream and I wake up in a hotel room with Sam in the bed next to me and another hunt lined up.

The next morning I am awoken by a foot in the gut and a little hand in the face. To my inexplicable happiness I open my eyes and everyone is still with me and this is real. I see that Rick was to thank for the foot in my gut and Luke is to thank for the little hand in my face. Daphne's eyes are sleepy and she is cuddled into Lara. "Come on guys time to get ready for school." Lara tells them standing up. They all moan but slowly start to get up and head to their rooms to get ready.

I head downstairs to start the coffee and find Gabe and Balthazar sitting at our table. "What you guys up to?" I ask them while I put the coffee in the pot and hit start.

"We are here to take the boys to school and take over the reins so you and your wife can go have wild and crazy sex for the weekend." Balthazar replies blandly. Only he can say something that crazy without a hint of interest.

"Well then I must thank you because I need a weekend of wild and crazy sex." Gabe smiles and continues to eat his sugar loaded cereal. It doesn't take long for Lara to come bounding down the stairs with a big smile on her face. She gives me a quick kiss then starts to pull out pans to get breakfast ready for the boys.

While she's cooking she gives Gabe and Balthazar the run down on what they need to do while we are gone. She even gives them the go ahead to take them out for dinner if they want to. That's good because the last time we left Balthazar to cook something he almost burned our kitchen down. We get the boys fed and off to school or day care and pass Daphne off to Balthazar. They were all a little sad but I know once Gabe gets them hopped on sugar this will quickly forget we are even gone.

We get the car packed and head out. While I'm pulling out of the driveway Lara grabs my hand and squeezes. "Finally! Some alone time." She says with a laugh. I know she doesn't mean it like that. She loves those kids more than any mom I know but we have had so little time together lately.

I lean over and kiss her. "So where are we headed?" I ask heading out of town. She just smiles and looks out the window. "Just keep going west. We are going to a secluded lodge for the weekend." I am happy with that answer.

We just drive with the music blaring and as the day gets warmer we roll down the windows. I look over at Lara, the wind blowing through her hair with a big smile on her face. I don't even want to think about the fact that she should be dead. I follow her directions not really caring where I am going just happy to be driving with her.

"Turn left up here." Lara says pointing up the dirt road we are already on. "Are you sure anything is back here Lara?" I ask with a laugh. She just smiles and I keep following her directions. I take the left and pull into a clearing that is also a dead end and give her a confused look.

Lara smiles at me and starts takes off her shirt and climbs into the backseat. Once she gets back there she throws her bra at me. "You planning on joining me back here?" She purrs out at me. I moved faster than I thought humanly possible and was with her in the back seat in a moment. Even quicker I had us a both naked.

I see her everyday but with the kids and Cas it has been way to long. Later this weekend I will have amble time to truly worship every inch of her body but right now I just want her and I want her now. Luckily I think she is thinking the same thing because she is moaning beneath me and trying to get me into her as quickly as possible. "Quick Dean I need you." She pants under my hands. I have no problem fulfilling that request. I slip in quickly and she tightens around me and screams out in ecstasy.

"I love you Lara." I moan into her ear as I slide in and out of her. Lara turns her head slowly towards me and nips my jaw. "I love you too Dean."

Moving seems like a stupid idea right now. My muscles feel like jelly and I'm not sure if I have bones anymore. I am quite content to just lay in Lara for the rest of the day and she doesn't seem to mind either. She hasn't so much has twitched since she came for the second time. Somewhere in the back of my dazed mind I think to myself that I need to roll off of her. I tap into a reserve of strength I didn't even know I have any longer and roll us over so she is sprawled out on my chest in the back of my baby. She moans slightly and buries her head in my chest. I drift off to sleep with Lara's naked body covering mine.

The wind blows through the open windows of the impala and Lara's lips on my chest are what wake me up. I don't think we slept that long but it seems like we have spent the entire day in the back seat. When I manage to get my eyelids to work with me I open them to see the top of Lara's head. Her hair is covering her face from view. "Has much as I want to lay in the back of the car all day with you we have to get where we going." She kisses my chest on more time and moves her face up and flips her hair back with her hands. "I want you to remember this for later." She says with a wink.

It takes us awhile to get dressed. Lara's close are all over the car. Front seat, backseat, her panties made it outside. All of my clothes for the most part are in a pile outside of the driver's seat. We get back on the road with a few more stolen kisses and keep heading west just like she asked me too.

After another two hours of driving we show up at a huge Victorian house in the middle of nowhere on a lake. There are a few cars in the parking lot but for the most part it looks like we will be the only ones here the weekend. I grab out bags out of the trunk and laugh at Lara. "We are going for three days and two nights why did you need two suitcases?"

Lara laughs. "One is for my day clothes and one is for my night clothes." She says with a seductive wink. I shut my trap real fast. We head into the house and Lara checks us in. It's still strange for me to check into a hotel with my real name and pay for it with money I actually earned. Sam and I still have a few fake cards in case we never need to go on hunt but I haven't used them in about 2 years. Jesus it's been 2 years since I've been on a hunt! The lady who checks us in tells us about all the things the bed and breakfast has to offer. She tells us that dinner is served at 7 but we can come down later if we want since we are two of only six guests the hotel will be having this weekend.

"So what made you choose this place?" I ask Lara as we head up to our room. She shrugs her shoulders. "You'll see." Is all she says. We get to our room and I'm impressed. We have a huge four poster bed in the bedroom and a nice sitting room as well. Our bathroom is surprisingly amazing. I figured we'd have an outdated falling apart bathroom but I was wrong. There is a beautiful claw foot tub that I can't wait to see Lara in and a glass shower that I can't wait to get in with Lara.

Lara grabs my hand and I drop our bags. Apparently Lara has some of the same ideas I have because she guides me to the bed and pushes me down on the mattress. She jumps up next to me and covers me quickly with her body.

Before we can get to into each other I hear a scream. I immediately stand up in front of Lara. Old habits die hard. "What was that?" I ask her grabbing the gun from the back of jeans and start for the door.

Lara is just smiling on the bed. "It may or not be a ghost that we need to salt and burn." I turn around quickly. What did she just say? Lara lets out a laugh. "Honey I know you have missed hunting so I kind of found us an easy one to do together."

It takes a minute to sink in. "You found us a hunt for us to go on?" I ask. I must sound like an idiot. Lara stands up and takes the gun from my hands and puts it down on the bedside table. She kisses me softly and pulls me into a hug. "I know you have had a really hard time since I got back. I know you've been afraid to leave me and to be honest I haven't wanted you to leave either. So I found us a relatively easy and safe hunt for us to go on together. I know Sam and Gabby won't hunt together because they don't want to risk leaving the kids orphans but I found us a safe one. That ghost hasn't killed anyone yet and I think it will be a easy one to ease us back into the hunting scene."

I don't know what to say so I kiss her. I pick her up into my arms and lay her back on the bed. "I love you so much Lara." I mummer into her lips.

"I love you to Dean. Now lets kill us a ghost." She responses with a kiss and a smile.

a/n So what did you think? Have time to review?

Sorry it is so long between posts! I am finishing my grad school and I work full time. This summer was awesome and I had all this free time and with thesis and all I feel like I don't have time to sleep let alone write… which I really like to do!


	101. Chapter 101

Lara's POV

It has been 30 years since I have been have been locked in a cell. It has been 30 years since I have been bubonic six. It has been 30 years since I meet my soul mate and my husband Dean. I used to have to remind myself of who I am. I had to sit there in that cell and repeat over and over again that I was Lara and not six. I don't have to do that anymore. I am Lara. I am Lara Winchester! And I am happily married, with 7 wonderful kids, and even 3 wonderful grandchildren.

These last 30 years have more than made up for the horrible 22 years I lived in that hell hole. It was worth it since it got me here. I wouldn't change anything about the last 30 years of my life. I still have nightmares but it's not every night anymore.

After our first hunt back Dean felt more comfortable with going back to hunting. We went on small hunts together while the kids were growing up and once they got older we went on a few dangerous ones. But to be honest were grandparents now. We aren't as young as we used to be. We have kind of taken over the reins for Bobby as hunters head quarters. We help young hunters and some older one with their aliases and finding their footing in this world. We have become surrogate parents for a lot of hunters who have lost their families in horrible ways.

All our babies grew up to make us so proud. Ben decided after his second year of school that school wasn't for him. He decided he wanted to follow in Dean's footsteps and work at the shop. After a lot of discussion Ben decided to come back home and start at the shop. He loves it and I know Dean loves having him there. It's been nice for Bobby because he was ready to retire. So now Dean, Cas and Ben run the shop. The day he brought his now wife then girl friend home I thought I would pass out!

_"Lara you need to calm down. He is just bringing a girl home!" Dean jokes with me has I look at the table one more time to make sure nothing is missing. _

_ I playfully hit Dean's arm. "It is the first girl he has ever brought home Dean. And what if she hates my cooking? I still don't cook with meat and Gabby didn't have time to make anything." I have so many butterflies in my stomach I feel like I could puke. _

_ Dean leans down and kisses my forehead. "Honey you know that your cooking is amazing and hell you even got me to live without a lot of meat because it's so good! And also this girl is the one who should be nervous not you. Now just calm down." _

_ Rick and Luke come running into the kitchen and throw a football. Dean darts out his hand and catches it mid air. "Not now boys your mom is nervous as it is."_

_ Both the boys start laughing. "What's to be nervous about? Ben is just bringing a girl home!" the both scream out and run back out of the kitchen. Daphne comes in and grabs on to Dean's leg and he leans down and picks her up. She is our youngest but is growing up fast. In a few years she won't want to hug us so much. _

_ "I made Ben's girl friend a present so she likes me." Daphne says holding out a friendship bracelet. It has kind of been her new thing. I already have two that I wear all the time now. I lean over and kiss her forehead. "She will love it honey."_

_ I get Dean to get all the boys washed up and ready and try to get them to sit nicely in the living room until Ben comes over. At 7 pm sharp the front door opens and Ben comes in. I follow his hand and see him holding the hand of a young lady. She looks nervous and she is holding a bouquet of flowers. Before I can comment on who she is Daphne jumps up and runs to her and hands her the bracelet she made. "I made this for you." Daphne says holding it out._

_ Melissa gets down on one knee and takes the bracelet. "Wow I love it Daphne. Can you help me put it on?" She acts good with her. I can't believe that Ben is dating Sarah's daughter. Of all the women in the world he dates the daughter of the one lady who has tried to take Dean and hit on him as often as possible. _

_ Dean and I stand up and walk over to her and extend our hands. "Hi Melissa it's great to meet you again." I can tell Melissa is nervous. I think she knows about her mom's obsession with my husband. She hands me the flowers she is holding. "It is great to meet you both. Ben talks about all of you all the time." _

It didn't take long for Ben and her to tie the knot. They knew each other growing up but Melissa was a few years younger than him. Once he came back to work at the shop and met her when she came back from college they just clicked. She is a social worker and has even been able to help us place kids affected by the supernatural in new families.

They wanted children so badly and tried for years. After numerous attempts and all kinds of crazy treatments they found out that Melissa is barren. That hasn't stopped them though. They have adopted 3 little boys. Two of them had their parents killed by the supernatural and one of them had a mom who was a hunter and passed away. They have done so well taking care of those little boys. When all of them came to us they were so nervous and scared but now they are all well adjusted and happy.

John kind of cracks me up. Him and Anael moved down south and have opened their own religious center. They try to preach the word of God without the confines of religion. I am so glad they have each other but Dean and I are just waiting for John and Annie to realize they are in love with each other. They have spent their entire lives together and have never so much as kissed but any fool can see how they feel about each other. Cas says he doubts they will ever admit it because it would seem inappropriate for her to be with her charge. I could care less about that I just want my boy happy.

Cas isn't better but he isn't worse. He rarely smiles but working at the shop has helped him. It has filled his otherwise seemingly endless amount time. He brightens up a bit when he was with the family but he is still heartbroken. He drinks too much sometimes and he does dabble in a bit of weed here and there but he never picked up the hard stuff again. Uncle Gabriel and Balthazar have had to infuse him with grace on a regular basis. I wish there was something I could do but I know there isn't anything to be done. If someone took Dean away from me for eternity I would be the same way. There would be no consoling me. No making me better. I would be destroyed and a shell of who I am.

Gabe and Cole have not gone into the "family business" but they help where they can. All of our kids know how to hunt and defend themselves but none of my boys were interested in it. Especially not my oldest twins. Gabe and Cole love school and it really showed in their grades. Both of them got full scholarships to their undergraduate schools. Dean and I couldn't have been prouder of our boys. When they graduated they both came to us and told them that they were continuing their education. Gabe got into law school at Stanford just like his uncle would have and Cole got into med school at John Hopkins. Dean and I were so excited but nervous too because we knew how expensive both those schools were. That is when Cas dropped a bomb on us. He has been saving all the money that Dean and Bobby forced him to take from working at the shop for the boys' education. He paid for their school completely.

Now Gabe is a lawyer and Cole is a doctor and they both do hunter pro bono work. Gabe tries to defend and keep hunters out of jail and Cole tries to keep them alive. He has a medical center set up in his home and does emergency surgeries whenever needed. If a hunter shows up at his hospital he also makes sure their paper work disappears once he's done with them.

Rick and Luke truly surprised us. The boys are smart but they are just so wild and crazy. They came home one day and told us that they were going to work for the FBI. We both just froze and I think our jaws dropped. They both started laughing but we could tell they were totally serious. So our youngest boys went into law enforcement. I couldn't believe it. Two of our kids are going to be in the FBI. That just seems wrong. Uncle Gabe made sure that Dean and Sam's record disappeared so it wouldn't affect Rick and Luke getting hired. They are basically the x files crew of the FBI and get assigned all the strange cases. They find a way to cover up real hunts so civilians don't find out how scary the world really is.

We are so proud of our boys. They all are trying to help the world as much as possible. I am thrilled they didn't go into hunting. I think I would have been a nervous wreck if any of them wanted to go into it. I wouldn't be able to sleep at the possibility of one of my babies being in danger.

Then there is Daphne. Our youngest and only girl. She is ridiculously smart. Dean likes to say she is Sammy smart. She graduated high school when she was 16. She graduated college when she was 19. Now at 22 she has finished her masters and is dabbling in working on her Ph.D. The flip side of all this is that she majored in the occult and demonology. She has gone to school in Rome and studied demons in a way that no human really had before. She has gone all over the world studying different legends, myths, and monsters. Balthazar has been with her every step of the way. He has taken care of her and it has given me a lot of relief. If she was out there alone I would never have slept.

Our baby girl wants to hunt and Dean wants none of it. He wants her to be safe and sound and have a family but Daphne wants to go into the family business. She wants to follow in her dad's footsteps and kill monsters. I don't want her to but I understand that this is what she wants. I have no clue what we are going to do about it. I want her to be happy but I want my baby to be safe.

"Lara!" Dean yells into the house has he comes into the house covered in oil from work. I greet him in the living room and wrap my arms around him not caring I'm getting dirty too. I give him a slow and passionate kiss and he smiles into my lips. "I love coming home every night."

"The kids went home this morning. It's just us tonight after Daphne leaves." I say with a wink. We were watching the grand babies this past weekend so Ben and Melissa could have a romantic weekend. I love watching the grandkids but they all wanted to sleep with Mimi and Grandpa. Cas still stays with us sometimes but we have worked out a system with Uncle Gabe and Balthazar so Dean and I still have time together. "Then I have something to look forward to later tonight don't I." Dean says has he kisses me again.

We head upstairs and Dean strips down to get in the shower. He still looks gorgeous. His hair has just a bit of gray working its way through his light brown hair. He has small wrinkles around his eyes that crinkle up even more when he is laughing. He hasn't let his body slip in his later years and every time I see him I still want him. I know he feels the same way about me. I take off my shirt and jeans and follow him into the bathroom. He raises his eye brow at me. "You got me dirty downstairs." I say with another wink. He doesn't respond and wraps his arms around me and pulls me under the water with him.

Happy, ecstatic, perfect, wonderful, God none of these words explains what I feel when I am with Dean. We have had a great life together and I know we have a great future still ahead of us. I love him and my family so much that sometimes I wonder if I truly am dreaming. I should have died years ago in a pit out behind the body farm. Instead I have this.

After our shower we share more kisses as we get dressed. We can't seem to keep our hands off each other. We are like love sick teenagers still after 30 years of marriage, 7 kids, and 3 grand kids.  
>"I am going to go finish dinner. Daphne should be over at 7. She said she needs to talk to us about something important." Dean shrugs his shoulders and I know he knows what Daphne wants to talk to us about. It seems to be all she wants to talk about these days. "Please Dean just hear her out." I tell him shaking my wooden spoon at him.<p>

"I know I know. I will do what I can but honey I don't want her to be a hunter. The idea scares me to death." I smile at him sadly. I know what he means. We would be nervous if any of our kids wanted this but Daphne being the baby of the family and the only girl makes it so much worse. I still don't know how Sam and Gabby do it with Alex. He has called with more crazy stories and Cole has stitched him back together more times than I can count. That doesn't even include the amount of times Gabe has gotten him off for some ridiculous crime. I have seen Gabby sick with nerves and Sam run off to get his oldest out of a deadly situation. I don't know if I can stand to have my girl out there doing what Alex does, what we did.

By 7:15 she still hasn't come into the house. Dean and I watch her pacing outside our home. We know she is waiting for Balthazar and we can't help but laugh at her pacing up and down the side walk. Finally Balthazar shows up and Daphne hits him for being late I believe.

They come walking up the front door and open it. This is her home and none of kids ever feel the need to knock even though it's been a long time since any of them have lived at home. We all hug and kiss and I guide us all into the kitchen.

Daphne acts so much like her father when she is nervous. She is fidgety and I know she wants to talk but she doesn't know how to say what she has to say. Balthazar leans in and whispers something in her ear. Lara takes in a deep breath and looks at Dean and me. "I know we have had our disagreements on this but I have done everything you have asked of me. I went to school I got my degree and now I am old enough to make my own decisions. I want to hunt."

a/n Thank you all so much for sticking with me throughout all 101 chapters of my story and I hope you all liked it! I would love to hear your opinion on everything now that it's done. I am posting the sequel to this story tonight right after I post this one. It's called Free Will. It is going to be about Daphne. I hope you all like that story as well!


	102. Chapter 102

a/n I am guessing that some of you didn't really like the ending because I got such slim reviews for it. Don't worry all that time between chapter 100 and 101 will be filled in with the story Free Will. It will just be from a different perspective, the perspective of the kids instead.

I was kind of hoping to make it to 500 reviews so I am shameless asking for just a few more so I can make it to an even number. Thanks again to everyone that has read this story and I hope you like the sequel!


End file.
